Did you miss me
by Silwyna
Summary: Lee got married shortly after Zaks funeral but never told Adama or Kara. COMPLETE
1. Miniseries Part 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Battlestar Galactica. The characters and the universe of the BattlestarGalactica do not belong to me. I make no profit from this story.

_Thanks for the reviews and the tips regarding the paragraphs. I rewrote this chapter again and I hope it's easier to read now. _

**Did you miss me?**

**By Silwyna**

"On behalf of Galactica, I'd like to welcome you aboard, Apollo. It's an honour to have you with us."

Those were exactly the words Captain Lee "Apollo" Adama never wanted to here in his live. He had been ordered to participate in the decommissioning ceremony of the Battlestar Galactica, one, if not the oldest battlestar left in the colonial fleet. And the exact same battlestar which had been commanded by his father for years. His father who he had no contact with for over two years. And he had no plans to change that. Hadn't the order to participate come from Admiral Ngala himself, Apollo would have tried to get out of this one. But as things stood he had no other chance than to follow his orders.

While Apollo landed on the flight deck his thoughts turned away from his father to someone else stationed on this ship. Kara Thrace – his oldest friend and fiancée of his dead brother. Since she accepted the position on the Galactica he hadn't spoken to her either. He had been angry at first. He had felt betrayed by her. How could she work for the man who was responsible for her fiancées death? Later he had understood her reasons but then it was too late. Too many things had changed and he had simply been too much of a coward to call her up and explain everything to her. Well, he was going to change that. He had a few hours to spent on the Galactica before the ceremony began. He would find Kara and explain it to her. Everything. She would give him a beating, he was sure of that. But, well, he probably deserved that much.

After leaving his viper he was approached by a crewman who introduced himself as Chief Tyrol. Lee introduced himself but was still so deep in thoughts over how and what to tell Kara that he didn't notice the Chief following him. When he realised the Chief was still talking to him, he tried to get Kara out of his head for some time and listen to what the man was telling him.

"... meet you Sir. I'm sure you've heard this before, but I'm a great admirer of your father. The service is going to miss him when he retires."

"Well, I'm sure someone will." Lee answered coldly. This is just what he needed. Another fan of the great Commander William "Husker" Adama. This day just got worse every second. "Is your auto-landing system down? I was hands-on for the whole approach." He tried to change the subject. It didn't work as planned though.

"It's all hands-on here Captain. There are no auto-landings on the Galactica. Commander Adamas orders." Tyrol replied hostile.

He obviously felt offended by Lees words. Well, he couldn't change that. In fact, he didn't care.

"Is that right?" was all he said. Then he turned away from the chief and left the hangar bay leaving a stunned Tyrol behind.

* * *

On his way to the visitors quarters he asked a passing pilot where he might find Lt. Thrace. 

"The brig, Sir." The pilot answered, trying to hide a grin.

Of course, Lee thought, were else would she be. Some things just never change.

* * *

After the pilots briefing for the ceremony was over Lee went directly to the brig to see Kara. When he approached her cell he had to suppress a smile. He had missed her. She was doing push-up's so she didn't notice him coming near her. He watched her for a few seconds. 

"This seems familiar." He said not being able to hide the smile on his face any longer.

Surprised Lt. Kara "Starbuck" Thrace looked up at her unsuspected visitor. Then she got up, put her hands to her waist and replied jokingly:

"Captain Adama, Sir. Sorry I wasn't there to greet you with the rest of the squadron. Did they kiss your ass to your satisfaction?"

While talking Kara walked over to the bars and were standing directly in front of Lee now, looking challengingly at him. But Lee had decided long ago that it was best to just ignore comments like that from her.

"So, did you miss me?" he asked instead giving her a small smile.

She slightly shook her head. Then she looked back up at him. "Every second." She replied, grinning at him.

Gods, he really had missed her. He looked around the brig for a second.

"So, what's the charge this time?"

Giving him one of her trade mark grins Kara replied: "Hmm, striking a superior asshole."

Lee tried not to laugh out loud. "Ahh, I bet you've been waiting all day to say that one."

She nods slightly then replied laughing: "Most of the afternoon."

"Yeah, right.".

They just stood there for some time looking at each other. Then Kara smiled, grabbing one of the bars with her hand, closing in on Lee a bit more and asked: "So, how long has it been?"

'Here it goes' Lee thought. His chance to tell her why he hadn't called her for so long. "Two years." He hesitated, searching for the right words.

But Kara was quicker then he. "Two years? We must be getting old. Seems like the funeral was just a couple of month ago."

"Yeah." He stiffened. Frak, that's not something he wanted to think of right now. And he still had no idea how to tell her. 'How difficult can it be, Lee Adama? Just get it out.' he thought, starting to get angry at himself.

"Your old man's doing fine. We don't talk about it much. Maybe two, three times a year. He still struggles with it though ..."

Great, he should have known she wouldn't let go of it.

"I haven't seen him ..." he quickly replied. He better stop this conversation before it went out of hands. They stared at each other for some more time.

"Why not?" Kara asked. When Lee just looked at her without saying anything she let out a small laugh. He could see she was angry.

"Kara, don't even start."

"How long are you gonna do this?" she snapped at him.

"I'm not doing anything."

"He lost his son, Lee..." Kara said sadly.

"And who's responsible for that?" he snapped back at her. He saw her taking a step back. Frak, this is so not what he wanted. He took a deep breath and tried to get his emotions back under control.

"Same old Lee ... you haven't changed either." Kara went on.

"Zak was my brother."

That gave him a cold look from Kara. "What was he to me? Nothing?" she sounded really pissed now.

"That's not what I meant. And you know it ..." he said.

"You know what? You should go! I'm getting the urge to hit another superior asshole." She looked angry at him.

Well, he was just as angry now. He tried to force a smile, then turned around and left. He would just tell her some other time. Or never. Whatever, he didn't care anyway. He angrily walked away.

* * *

An hour later Lee stepped into the conference room where some photos for the press were supposed to be shot. He was already awaited. 

"Oh, here he is." A brown haired man, probably in his mid thirties, acknowledged his presence. "If you'd just like to, uhh ... do a little space" he waved at some reporters standing in the middle of the room to let Lee pass between them.

"Captain, thank you for joining us." The man offered his hand to introduce himself. "Hi, Aaron Doral." Then he went straight back to business.

"If you'd just like to stand up there, we'll get a few shots of you and the Commander." He pointed towards the podium in the back of the room.

Lee walked towards the designated area when he suddenly became aware of his father standing in the shadows behind the podium.

"Captain" Commander Adama said as he came forward, nodding shortly at his son before standing next to him.

Lee suddenly felt nervous being so close to his father again. He just wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"Great" Aaron Doral cut into his thoughts. "Um, Gentlemen, could you maybe stand a bit closer?" he asked, slightly confused at the attitude both Adamas showed towards each other.

Lee and his father hesitantly moved closer.

"Fantastic. Uhm, Commander, could you put your arm around your son?" Doral went on.

Adama did as he was asked. He just hesitated slightly before actually putting his arm on his sons shoulder. They had been apart for so long. He wasn't used to be so close to his son. He noticed how Lee tensed up at the unfamiliar close contact with his father.

"Great, perfect" Doral said.

While the reporters took their pictures Lee tried to force a smile on his face. When all the necessary pictures were taken, Adama quickly left the podium. As the reporters were starting to leave the room, guided by Doral, Lee watched his father expectantly for a moment. When Adama didn't seem to take any further notice of him he decided it would be best to just follow the reporters out. But before he could step over the threshold his father called out to him.

"You want some, uh, coffee?" He was already pouring some in a cup in front of him.

"No Sir, thank you, Sir." Lee replied coldly and continued to step out of the room.

"Why don't you sit down?" Adama tried again. At that Lee turned around and looked surprised at his father.

"Congratulations on making Captain. Sorry I wasn't there." Adama went on after a few seconds.

"Thank you, Sir." Lee replied, still coldly. There was some uncomfortable silence as father and son thought of what to say next.

"How's your mother?" Adama broke the silence first.

"Getting married." Lee noticed how his father seemed to freeze at this. 'Good.' he thought. 'At least he feels bad about something.'

"Good for her." Adama quietly said. "We spoke about a year ago. Had a real heart to heart, it was good." He continued.

"I'm glad to here that, Sir. Will that be all?" Lee had had enough. He just wanted to get out.

"Why don't you talk to me, Lee?" his father asked frustrated.

Lee let out a small hard laugh. "Wha ... What do you want to talk about?" he replied angry, taking a deep breath. He hated to loose control in front of his father.

"Anything. You've been here for an hour." Adama bit his lip. He hadn't meant to sound accusatory towards his son. He didn't want to push him away again.

"Well, I don't have anything to say. My orders said report here and participate in the ceremony, so I'm here. And I'm going to participate in the ceremony. It wasn't ..." He let out a deep breath. "... wasn't anything in my orders about having any heart-to-heart-chats with the old man." Lee continued coldly.

Sadly Adama looked at his son. He had to make this right somehow. "Accidents happen ... in the service." He quietly said.

"Dad listen, I ..." Lee started but was interrupted by his father. "In all the things that you talked to me about, the last time we were together ..."

"I really don't want to do this." Lee cut in.

"... at the funeral" Adama continued as if he hadn't heard his son's words. "... they still ring in my ears after two years."

"Good" Lee yelled. "Good, cause, cause you know what? They were meant to."

Adama felt like he was slapped to the face. "Zak had a choice. You both did."

Lee snorted. "A man isn't a man until he wears the wings of a viper pilot! Does that sound at all familiar to you?" he shouted at his father.

"It's not fair son ..."

"No, it's not fair." Lee cut in. "Because one of us wasn't cut out to wear the uniform."

"He earned his wings. Just like we all did." Adama tried to argue with his son.

But Lee was too furious now to even listen what his father was saying.

"One of us wasn't cut out to be a pilot. One of us wouldn't have even made it into flight school if his old man ... his Daddy ... hadn't pulled the strings!" he kept shouting in his fathers face.

"That's an exaggeration. I did nothing for him that I wouldn't have done for anyone else." Adama tried to explain. Why wouldn't Lee understand? It hadn't been his fault.

But his fathers words only made Lee more angry. "You're not even listening to me. Why, why can't you get this through your head? Zak did not belong in that plane. He shouldn't have been there. He, he was only doing it for you. Face it. You killed him."

That last part was said in such a harsh ice-cold tone it made Adama shudder. He bit his lip again and just stared at the wall. Without looking at his son again he quietly said: "That'll be all, Captain."

Lee felt the tears began to well up in his eyes. He had to choke. He tried to regain his composure, then walked out of the room, leaving his father behind in pain.

* * *

„Well this went just great" Lee thought after he stepped out into the corridor. Just what he had not wanted. Talking to his father. Fighting. First with Kara, then with his Dad. He shouldn't have come here. Frakking orders he thought angry. Why couldn't his father get it? Why ... 

„Daddy" he heard a child's voice from behind.

'No way' he thought. But when he turned around he saw his one year old daughter Nia running towards him. Before he could even begin to understand what his daughter was doing here, on his fathers battlestar, the last place he ever would have expected her to be, she had flung herself into his arms.

"Hey pumpkin" he said to her, slightly confused, giving her a welcome kiss on her forehead.

"Miss me?" his daughter asked, her blue eyes sparkling with joy at seeing her father.

He let out a small laugh. "Every second."

Then he turned to his wife Alicia, who came walking towards him right behind their daughter. "What are you doing here?" he asked her utterly confused.

"We thought you could use some company today" she answered smiling. "Are you okay?" she continued quietly. Alicia had noticed the tears still glistening in his eyes.

He swallowed. "I am now" he said, smiling at her before giving her a long kiss.

His daughter giggled in his arms. This day might not end so bad as he had expected.

* * *

William Adama was still shocked by his sons outburst. After all this time ... He had hoped Lee would have changed his opinion over what had happened. He thought Lee would eventually understand that all William ever wanted was the best for his sons. 

Still deep in thought he left the conference room and stepped out into the corridor. But when he turned around the corner he stopped shell-shocked – surprised to see his son tightly embracing a dark haired woman and having a child in his arms. They seemed to be close. He just stood there, stunned. While watching his son and the woman beside him he thought that she looked kind of familiar. He tried to remember when or where he had seen her before. Then it came back to him. Zak's funeral. She had been there with Lee, standing always by his side, following him outside after his outburst towards his father ... No, he didn't want to think about that again. But if Lee had known her for that long than the child in his arms might be ...

"There you are, Bill. It's time. The Secretary is already waiting. Apparently she still has some more questions." Col. Saul Tigh interrupted Adamas thoughts.

"Yes, thank you, Saul. I'm on my way." William answered his friend and XO.

"You're ok?" Saul asked him.

"Yeah" William sighed. "I just want this day to be over quickly." He looked in his sons direction a last time before walking away to meet again with Laura Roslin, Secretary of Education.

* * *

Lee, Alicia and Nia had made their way to the mess hall to spent the little time they had left together. 

"I'm sorry we don't have that much time left. If I had known you were here ..." Lee said but was interrupted by his wife.

"Then you wouldn't have argued so much with you Dad?" She said giving him a warm smile.

"How do you know?"

"Everyone in a 100 meter radius around that conference room probably knows." Alicia explained dryly.

"Oh ... "Lee was embarrassed that other people might have heard the exchange with his father. He watched his daughter for some time playing with her doll she took everywhere with her. "So, how's it going at home?" he asked.

"Great. Your mother is busy planning the wedding. Her sister is making her go stir crazy. She should have become a wedding planer." Alicia laughed.

"I can imagine. Aunt Beth always loved planning thinks." Lee replied laughingly. "And how are you doing?" he asked more earnestly.

"I'm fine, Lee. Stop worrying. The new meds are really helping. I almost feel like a new person." She assured him.

"That's good." Lee was glad the new medications were working for his wife. The last ones she had taken had made her sleepy and almost apathetic all the time. He had been worried she might get another relapse.

"Did you know we came here on the same shuttle as the Secretary of Education? You're mother arranged that for us."

"Really, I'm impressed." Lee smiled at her.

"Yeah, but I think she just wanted me out of the house for some time. Mark finally returned from his last business trip. Caroline abandoned your Aunt from the house for a week. I think they both need some time alone." Alicia explained. She looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Maybe we should get our own apartment now. These new pills really are helping. I feel great. I'm sure I could handle living on my own now." She went on excited.

Lee looked sceptic. He knew Alicia hated to be dependent on his mother or any other person for that matter. He felt the same way. But with the medication and treatment being so expensive he couldn't afford taking a job planetside now to live with his family. And he felt better knowing there was someone watching over his wife and daughter he could trust.

"I don't know, Ali, lets wait a bit with that."

"But Lee ..."

"Captain Adama please report to Hangar Bay. Captain Adama please report to Hangar Bay." Was heard over the PA speaker.

Lee looked up then sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. I have to go. We talk about this when I get back to Caprica."

"Alright." Alicia looked disappointed.

"I love you." He gave her a long kiss.

"I love you too." Despite her feelings she smiled warmly at him.

"And you I love the most." He laughed at his daughter while taking her in his arms, giving her a warm hug.

Then he said goodbye to his family and left the mess hall. At the hatch he looked back at them, watching for a few seconds how Alicia played lovingly with Nia and her beloved doll. He sighed. He hoped she was right and the medication would finally help. Then he turned around and stepped through the hatch.

* * *

After the ceremony began, there was an air display of manoeuvres held by Galacticas vipers and raptors, lead by Apollo. They were watched by the people participating in the ceremony. 

Lee sat in his viper when his father held his speech that was transmitted through the whole ship and also to the vipers and raptors surrounding the Galactica at the moment.

"The Cylon War is long over." Adama began. "Yet we must not forget the reasons why so many sacrificed so much in the cause of freedom. The cost of wearing the uniform can be high. But ..."

Lee heard his father stop for a moment. 'Great' he thought bitter. 'Another one of Dads high appraisals to the Colonial Fleet.' But then he was surprised as his father continued to speak.

"...sometimes it's too high. You know when we fought the Cylons we did it to save ourselves from extinction. But we never answered the question: Why? Why are we as a people worth saving? We still commit murder because of greed, spite, jealousy and we still visit all of our sins upon our children."

As Adama continued Lee wondered if their fight from before had inspired his father to this speech. Did he finally felt some responsibility for what happened to Zak?

"You cannot play god then wash your hands of the things that you've created. Sooner or later the day comes when you can't hide from the things that you've done anymore."

Adamas words left Lee deep in thought for a while. He thought again about their fight earlier, his heated discussion with Kara, his family. He knew he had made mistakes in life too. But at least he was taking full responsibility for them. Why couldn't his father do the same?

* * *

Lee had been ordered to escort the Secretary's shuttle back to Caprica. It killed him to be so near his wife and daughter and not being able to spend some time with them. As soon as they had reached Caprica he would have to return to Galactica and change this old piece of junk – of course they had to make him fly his fathers old Viper Mark II – against his new Viper Mark VII. He would be glad to finally fly in his own Viper again. He didn't really trust this old bird. Even though Galacticas Chief had assured him that she was as good as new he still had this feeling she would fall apart around him every second.

* * *

Inside the shuttle the passengers were greeted by their Pilot. 

"Ladies and Gentleman, we are now on route back to Caprica. If you'll look out the starboard window, you might be able to see one of Galacticas old Mark II Vipers which will be escorting us home."

Alicia had to smile at these words. Lee had told her about his feelings regarding flying his fathers old Viper. Everyone had expected him to feel proud when in reality he would have preferred to rip that ship apart. She looked down at her daughter who was too busy playing with her doll to notice anything around her.

"Look Honey, that's your Daddy flying in this Viper out there."

Immediately Nia's eyes turned out the window. "Daddy?" she called out.

"Yes, that's your Daddy."

Nia had put a hand on the window and was watching her father fly next to the shuttle. Her doll was all forgotten. When it came to her father there was nothing more important.

* * *

Adama sat in his office going over some reports. Finally the ceremony was over. He hated the idea of retirement but he certainly wouldn't miss all this military pomp. He was truly tired and glad that this day finally lay behind him. His thoughts went back to Lee. Had this child really been his? If he were a grandfather surely someone would have told him. He reflected on his conversation with Lee today and suddenly he didn't feel so sure about that anymore. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. 

"CIC to Commanding Officer."

"Go ahead." He replied.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Sir, but we have a priority 1 alert message from Fleet Headquarters. It ... was transmitted in the clear." Lt. Gaeta reported to him.

"In the clear?" What does it say?" He noticed Gaeta slightly hesitated before he read the message to his Commander.

"Attention all Colonial Units, Cylon attack underway. This is no drill."

There was a short silence on the phone as Adama tried to comprehend what he just heard. He closed his eyes for a second. He had known they would come back some day. He just wished he had been wrong.

"I'll be right there."

In CIC Adama met with Col. Tigh who looked like he just fell out of his rack.

"What have we got? Shipping accidents?" Tigh asked. 'There are always problems when civilians are involved,' he thought to himself.

Adama handed him a paper. While Tigh was busy reading the document Lt. Gaeta approached them.

"Condition 1 is set. All decks report ready for action, Sir." He reported.

"Very well." Adama answered quietly.

Tigh couldn't believe what was happening here. "This is a joke!" he called out. "The Fleet's playing a joke on you, a retirement prank, come on."

"I don't think so." Adama answered calmly.

Tigh looked at him in disbelief as Adama picked up a microphone to announce the current situation to the crew.

"This is the Commander." Adama began. "Moments ago this ship received word of a Cylon attack against our home world which is underway. We do not know the size or the disposition or the strength of the enemy forces. But all indications point to a massive assault against Colonial defences. Admiral Ngala has taken personal command of the fleet aboard the Battlestar Atlantia following complete destruction of Picon Fleet Headquarters in the first wave of the attacks. How, why, doesn't really matter now. What does matter is that of this moment, we are at war!"

He paused shortly.

"You've trained for this. You're ready for this. Stand to your duties. Trust your fellow ship mates. And we'll all get through this. Further updates as we get them. Thank you." Adama finished, putting the microphone down.

Everyone in CIC stood still for a moment, looking at their commander before they all went back to work.

* * *

In her cell Kara listened to Adamas words. She was shocked. How could this have happened? How could the Cylons just show up and destroy headquarters. And Caprica was under attack. 'Lee is on his way to Caprica' she thought terrified. Then she called for the guard. 

"Let me out" she demanded.

"I'm afraid I can't do this, Lt. I have my orders."

"There is a frakking war going on. You really think the Commander wants his best pilot to sit in a cell?" she yelled at him.

"I'm sorry, Lt. I can't let you out." With that he turned around and left her just standing there.

She yelled at him to come back. When she couldn't see him anymore she turned quiet and frustrated looked around herself. "This is just frakking great." She hissed. "We're at war and I'm stucked in this frakking cell." She let out a frustrated sigh. "I always screw up at the worst possible times."

5 Minutes later the guard returned and opened her cell. "You are ordered to report to CIC ASAP."

Kara got out immediately. When she passed by the guard she gave him an angry look. He didn't dare to meet her eyes. Then she quickly made her way to CIC.

* * *

When Starbuck arrived at CIC the first person she saw was Col. Tigh. She couldn't resist the notion to taunt him despite the circumstances. She touched her cheek at the same area where she had hit the Colonel only hours ago. He had a visible bruise on his cheek. She smiled at him mischievously. Then she went straight to Commander Adama and saluted to him. 

"Commander. Ready for duty, Sir."

"Good." Adama replied.

"Where the hell did the Cylons come from?" Starbuck asked angrily. She needed to know what was going on here.

"All we know for sure is they achieved complete surprise and we're taking heavy losses. We lost 30 Battlestars in the opening attack."

Kara had so swallow the lump that was building up in her throat. "It's a quarter of the fleet." She said shocked.

Adama looked at her seriously. "I need pilots and I need fighters."

"Pilots you got. There's 20 of us climbing the walls down in the ready room. But fighters ..." She shook her head slightly, looking on the floor.

"I think I seem to remember an entire squadron of fighters down on the starboard Hangar Deck yesterday."

Starbuck looked surprised at Adama, then she smiled. "Yes, Sir." She saluted, then quickly left CIC.

* * *

Alicia sat shocked, holding her daughter tightly in her arms, as she listened to the Pilots words. 

"Once again, we are processing the information that we have been given and I ... urge you all ... to try to stay calm. As we get more information, I will pass it along to you. We appreciate your patience. Thank you."

With tears in her eyes Alicia looked outside the window searching for her husband. He was nowhere to be seen.

"Mommy?" her daughter asked her scared when she saw her mother crying.

"It's okay honey. It's okay. Just keep playing with your doll, yes?" She pressed her daughter more tightly to her for a second before releasing her so she could play with her doll.

* * *

In his Viper Apollo tried to get a hold of the situation. The Cylons had attacked the Colonies. Caprica was under attack so for the moment they had nowhere to go. They were already too far away to return to the Galactica. He had to protect that shuttle, his wife and daughter, and all he had was a 20 year old viper which could break apart any second. 

"Any luck, Captain?" he heard the shuttles pilot over the comm.

He had tried to get more information over military channels. "No. Just picking up a lot of confusing chatter." He sighed. This was getting them nowhere.

"Well, to be honest with you, I'm kinda glad you're sticking around. Makes us all feel better just seeing you out there."

Apollo let out a frustrated sigh. "Well, don't get too comfortable. This old junker I'm in was meant for show, not combat. If we run into a problem, well, I'll do what I can to protect you. But the first sign of trouble you pull on the speed and you run." He ordered the pilot. There really wasn't much he could do to defend them.

"Don't worry about that. I've got my hands on the throttle, it hasn't left since I got that first message. Colonial Heavy 798 out."

But Apollo did worry. Of course he was glad that Alicia and Nia weren't on Caprica at this time. They would probably be dead by now. The pure thought sent cold shivers through his body. But they were not really safe on that shuttle either. If the Cylons were going to attack he couldn't do much to protect them. He'd rather preferred to be on the Atlantia right now where he could actually help. He would get in his Mark VII and kick some Cylon ass. All he was able to do here was waiting for the Cylons to kill them all.

* * *

Some time later Alicia clasped her daughter tightly to her again. She could hardly follow what that woman in front of them was saying to them. While the people around her were starting to scream and cry out for their loved ones she was unable to move or just think of any reasonable thing to calm down her daughter who sat crying in her arms, scared at all the commotion around them. 

The woman, Laura Roslin, Secretary of Education, tried to calm down everyone.

"Please, stop ... Please. I'm trying to reach the government right now and get more information. In the meantime, we should all be prepared for an extended stay aboard this ship. ... Okay, so, uhh, you, please. And you." She showed at some people. "Uhm, take an inventory of the emergency supplies and rations ..."

Suddenly she was interrupted by a brown haired man who questioned whether she was in charge at all.

This was all too much for Alicia. She couldn't stay here on that shuttle. She had to get back to Caprica. She tried to call out that they had to return home immediately but she just couldn't find the words. She was scared to death. She held on to her daughter more tightly and let the tears run down she had been trying to keep in order to comfort her daughter. But she just couldn't be strong anymore.

* * *

As if the Cylons had read his thoughts two Raiders showed up on Apollos Dradis. He quickly informed the shuttle's pilot of the new situation then sped up to meet the Cylons before they could reach the shuttle. But it was too late. They had already sent a missile in the shuttles direction. He managed to shoot down the Cylon Raiders fairly quickly then he manoeuvred his Viper in front of the missile, hoping it would go after him instead the shuttle. His plan seemed to work. He led the missile away from the shuttle, then quickly turned around his viper and fired with everything he had at the missile which was now directly in front of him. The missile got destroyed but the detonation hit Apollo's Viper with full impact. His ship shook wildly around before it lost all power. 'Frak' Lee thought. 

"Krypter, krypter, krypter ..." he called over the comm. "This is Apollo to Colonial Heavy 798. I'm declaring an emergency. Flight systems are offline. Need assistance." He let out a frustrated sigh. He sat dead in space.

* * *

It only took the shuttle crew a few minutes to get Apollo on board. After he left the Viper he was approached by the same man he had met at the photo shooting earlier that day. Doral, he thought the man's name was. 

"Captain, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." He answered then went passed the man. He had seen something behind his viper that looked interesting. He ignored Doral who kept following and talking to him.

"What are these things?"

Apollo finally took notice of the man beside him. "Electric pulse generators from the Galactica." He said, studying the generators in front of him.

"Really, that, that's interesting." Doral didn't really cared about these things right now, he had other things on his mind. "Captain, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you."

Surprised Apollo looked up. "Oh? Why is that?"

Relieved to finally have the Captains attention Doral went on. "Well, personally I'd feel a lot better if someone qualified were in charge around here."

"Is something wrong with your pilot?" Apollo asked.

"No, it ... it's just that he's not the one giving orders."

Apollo glanced one last look at the generators then walked away to see what was going on on the shuttle. Doral followed him quickly.

"This is ... it's bad situation, isn't it, Sir?" he asked.

"Yes, it is." Apollo answered while he kept quickly leaving the Cargo Bay. This man was starting to get on his nerves.

* * *

As Lee entered the passenger area he looked out for Alicia and Nia. He saw them sitting in the middle of the room. Alicia held tightly on to their daughter and both were crying. He quickly walked over to them. 

"Ali ..." he called out before embracing them both tightly. When he let loose again he saw his wife looking up at him with a relived expression on her face.

She grasped his hand tight. "Lee, thank the gods. I couldn't see your viper out there anymore. What are you doing here?" She sniffed, the tears were still rolling down her cheeks.

"Long story, but I'm okay." He looked worried at his wife. "Ali, you have to calm down." He stopped, searching for the right words.

Before he went on he took his daughter in his arms and gently began stroking her back. That usually calmed her down. She immediately slung her little arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. He forced himself to turn his attention back to his wife. "Do you have enough medication with you?" he asked her.

"Yes." She said in a tiny voice.

"Good, when are you supposed to take the next pill?" He swallowed once.

"I don't know. What time is it?"

Quickly he checked his watch. "Half past nine."

"Oh Gods, I should have taken one over two hours ago."

Lee let out a small breath. "Ok, take one now. Do you need some water?"

"No. Lee, I'm sorry." She looked at him afraid.

"It's ok, don't worry. Just take your pill." Lee looked up at Doral who was waiting impatiently for him before turning back to his wife. "Listen, I have to take care of something. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Alicia closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them again she seemed to have found some strength again. "Alright, give me Nia back. I can take care now."

He nodded shortly, then handed her his daughter back.

"No, Daddy, don't go." Nia called out for him.

"I have to go, sweetheart. Mummy is gonna watch you again, okay?" It broke his heart to see his daughter crying out for him. He just wanted to hold her close to him and never let go again. But instead he stood up, gave them both a quick kiss and left with Doral to see what was happening on this ship.

* * *

When they entered the next room Apollo saw three people, two men and a woman, sitting around a table. Apollo recognised the woman as Laura Roslin. When they noticed them enter the room the older man got up and offered his hand to Apollo. According to his uniform this man must be the pilot, Apollo noticed. 

"Captain, it's good to see you again." He was greeted by Roslin.

"Likewise." Apollo replied before turning back to the Pilot. "Thanks for the lift."

"Ah, you should thank her." The Pilot showed in Roslins direction.

When Apollo looked down at her again she was already back to discussion with the younger man sitting next to her. "Start the cargo transfer and prep A3 for survivors." He heart her say.

He was quite surprised by her words. "I'm sorry, survivors?" he asked.

"As soon as the attack began the government ordered a full stop on all civilian vessels. So now we got hundreds of stranded ships in the solar system, some are lost, some are damaged, some are losing power. We have enough space on this ship to accommodate up to 500 people and we're going to need every bit of it."

While Roslin explained this the young man who had sat next to her – probably her Assistant, Apollo thought – got up to take out her orders.

"But we don't even know what the tactical situation is out there." Doral cut in, shocked by what he was hearing.

"The tactical situation is that we are losing, right Captain?" She looked questioningly at Apollo.

He slowly nodded. "Right." She was right. There was nothing else they could do. It was over.

"So we pick up as many people as we can, we try to find a safe-haven to put down. Captain, I'd like you to look over the navigational charts for a likely place to hide from the Cylons. That's all." With that Laura Roslin left the room.

When Apollo looked back at Doral he had to grin at the mans shocked face. "Lady's in Charge." He said while walking pass him.

* * *

While Apollo checked the navigational charts as Roslin had asked him to he listened to an incoming transmission from the Government that all ministers and officials should go to case orange. Questioningly he looked at Laura Roslin who sat in a seat behind the co-pilot. 

"It's an automated message. It's designed to be sent out in case the president, the vice president and most of the cabinet are dead or incapacitated." She explained in a thin voice.

There was some silence following her words as everyone tried to comprehend what that meant.

Then Roslin turned to the pilot. "I need you ... to send my ID code back on the exact same frequency."

"Yes Ma'am." The Pilot answered solemnly then began to tape the code she gave him. After he was done Roslin nodded and got up quietly to leave the cockpit. Apollo watched her with a worried expression.

* * *

After checking on his wife and daughter again Lee went on to look after Roslin. He found her in an almost deserted passenger aisle, sitting in one of the seats. She looked tired and exhausted. He took a seat opposite from hers and they both stared at each other in silence for some time. 

"How far down"? Apollo finally asked.

"43rd in line of succession. I know all 42 ahead of me from the president down. Most of them served with him in the first administration. Some of them came with him from he mayors office. I was there with him on his first campaign. I never really liked politics. Kept telling myself I was getting out, but ... He had this way about him ..." Roslin said in a low voice. "I just couldn't say no."

At this moment the pilot approached the two of them and handed a piece of paper to Roslin.

"Thank you." She nodded at him, trying to hold her tears back. "I'll need a ... priest." She quietly said.

Apollo knew exactly what that meant. He gave her a sad look as she walked away.

* * *

10 minutes later he watched with his wife beside him and his daughter on his arms as Laura Roslin, former Secretary of Education, was sworn in to President. Raising her right hand Roslin repeated the Priestess words. 

"I, Laura Roslin, do now avow and affirm that I accept the office of the .. that I accept the office of the president of the 12 colonies of Kobol. And that I will protect and defend the sovereignty of the colonies with every fibre of my being."

She looked like she would break down every minute but she stood straight throughout the ceremony, only wiping away a tear at the end of her vow. Apollo thought he had never seen a stronger woman in his life.

* * *

Half an hour later their shuttle was approached by another colonial vessel. 

"Geminon Liner 17 0 1, this is Colonial 798 ..." The Pilot stopped. He slightly looked at the President standing behind him before he went on. "No, strike that, this is Colonial 1."

Roslin gave him a thankful look. She still couldn't quit comprehend what happened. Never in her wildest dreams would she have seen herself in a position like this.

While the Pilot was still in contact with the other vessel another transmission came over the printer. Apollo pulled it out, glanced a short look over the paper, then handed it to Roslin.

"What is it?" She asked him.

With a pressed voice Apollo read the message out loud. "To all Colonial Units. I am taking command of the fleet. All Units ordered to rendezvous at Ragnar Anchorage for regroup and counter-attack. Acknowledged by same encryption protocol. Adama."

Lee was relieved his father was still alive. But did it have to be him to take command over the fleet? Then a thought crossed his mind. If his father was alive then there was a good chance that Kara was also. He clinged to that thought. He didn't know what he would do if Kara was dead. Even if he hadn't spoken with her for the last two years the knowledge that he simply had to pick up the phone to talk to her had always giving him a warm feeling.

When Apollo looked back at the president he knew what was coming next.

"Captain Apollo! Please inform Commander Adama that we are currently involved in rescue operations and we require his assistance." Roslin ordered him as he had already expected she would. "Ask him how many hospital beds he has available and how long it will take him to get here."

Apollo looked at her uncomfortably. "I, uhh ..."

"Yes?" She looked at him questioningly.

He suddenly felt like a ten year old. He tried to regain his composure. "I'm not sure he's gonna respond very well to that request." He replied carefully.

"Then tell him ... this comes directly from the president of the 12 colonies ... and it's not a request." She said sternly.

"Yes Sir! And Sir ... Apollo's just my call sign. My name is Lee Adama." He hesitantly told her.

"I know who you are. But Captain Apollo has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" She winked at him, then smilingly left the room.

Apollo smiled back. He still felt uncomfortably but went to take out her orders immediately.

* * *

When Commander Adama received the message from Colonial 1 he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He felt relieved to know that his son was alright but he couldn't be serious with this. He asked if Colonial 1 was in voice range. He would end this before it went too far. 

On his order his Communication Officer, Petty Officer Dualla, Dee, as he usually called her, picked up the microphone.

"Colonial 1, Galactica! Galactica actual wishes to speak with Apollo." She listened to the response for a second than handed the microphone to Adama.

He suddenly felt nervous and searched for the right words to say to his son. "Are you ... Is your ship alright?"

Apollo felt taken aback by these words. "We ... We're both fine. Thanks for asking." He replied coldly. He tried to ignore the odd look the Pilot shot him.

"Is your ship FTL functioning?" Adama went on.

Apollo turned to the pilot who nodded. "That's affirmative."

"Then you're ordered to bring yourself and all of your passengers to the rendezvous point. Acknowledge?" The worried father was gone. Adama was full back to being a Commander.

Apollo let out a small sigh while he thought of how to respond to this. "Acknowledge ... receipt of message." He knew his father wouldn't except that. And he was right.

"What the hell does that mean?" He could clearly hear the anger in his fathers voice.

"It means ... I heard you."

"You're gonna have to do a lot better than that Captain." Adama had to take a deep breath to stay calm.

"We're engaged in rescue operations."

"You are to abort your mission immediately and proceed to Ragnar!" Adama ordered.

"The president has given me a direct order." Apollo replied.

"You're talking about the Secretary of Education! We're in the middle of a war and you're taking orders from a school teacher?" Adama yelled into the microphone. He couldn't believe his son could be so blind.

Apollo just sat still for a second. He didn't know what to say to this. He didn't even notice the President enter the cockpit listening to the last words his father said – or better screamed.

Suddenly the controls were starting to beep. While Apollo still thought of what to answer his father the Pilot cut in. "We got trouble."

"Stand by Galactica ... What?" He cut the transmission and turned to the pilot.

"Inbound Cylon fighters." The pilot reported scared.

"How long till they get here?" Roslin asked. Surprised Apollo noticed that she was in the cockpit.

"ETA 2 Minutes."

Apollo turned to the President. "He's right. We have to go. Now!"

"No."

"Madam president, we can't defend this ship." Apollo tried to reason with her.

"We're not going to abandon all these people." She looked him straight in the eye.

"But Sir, if we stay ..." he tried again.

"I've made my decision, Captain."

Apollo looked at her in disbelief. "You're the President." He said sharply.

"Alright then." Roslin sighed.

Suddenly Apollo got an idea. "Permission to go below?"

The president just nodded shortly at him.

* * *

Adama couldn't believe his son had just cut him of like this. Fuming he stared at the microphone still in his hands. Suddenly he heard Lt. Gaeta yell. 

"Sir! We have a remote sensor telemetry at Captain Apollo's location and two enemy fighters closing in on their co-ordinates."

* * *

After leaving the cockpit Apollo ran straight downstairs to the Cargo Bay. On his way there he passed Alicia and Nia. He ignored their calls for him. It hurt but he had no time to loose. When he reached the Electric Pulse Generators he found a few hours earlier he pushed some buttons on the panel.

* * *

After hearing Gaeta's words Adama quickly picked up the microphone again. 

"Colonial 1! This is Galactica! Apollo, you have inbound enemy fighters coming towards you ... Get out of there! Apollo! Apollo! Lee get ... Lee!" he yelled but didn't get any respond.

Desperately Adama looked at the Dradis Console and watched in horror as the dots that showed Colonial 1 position enveloped in a great blue cloud which disperses to show an empty screen. All Personal in CIC stood in shocked silence.

"50 kiloton thermonuclear detonation." Gaeta reported in a quiet voice. "Cylons moving off ... Sir."

Adama felt tears well up in his eyes. Still shocked he stared at the Dradis Console. His son was dead.

Tbc ...

A.N.: I hope you liked it so far. This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction. I have to apologise for any grammar or spelling mistakes. I'm from Germany so English is a foreign language to me. But I tried my best. Please read and review. Thanks.


	2. Miniseries Part 2 1

"Lieutenant, what did you do to my viper?" Chief Tyrol called out loud, shocked at what he saw before him.

After Starbuck had climbed out of her viper, she gave a surprised look at the back of her ship. "I wondered why the engine gave out." She stated dryly.

Tyrol let out a frustrated sigh. "We're gonna have to pull the whole mounting. Get the high lift!" He told one of his men. Then he turned back to Starbuck. "I don't know how you managed to fly this thing, much less land it."

"It's not something I want to think about right now." Starbuck replied in an agitated voice while taking her gloves off. "Where's Prozna? He's got to get that frakking gimble out or I'll have his ass."

A sad expression flashed over Tyrol's face. "He's dead. Sir. He died in the fire."

Kara closed her eyes for a second. "How many did we lose?" She quietly asked, not looking at Tyrol.

"85."

"Right." Kara shuddered. This was all too much. She turned away from Tyrol and started to walk away.

"Uh, Lieutenant?" Tyrol called after her. When she slowly turned around, he continued hesitantly. "I don't know if you heard about Apollo, but ..."

"Heard what?" Kara asked impatiently when Tyrol didn't continue. Then she could read it in his eyes.

"Right." She knew Lee was dead. One of so many. She closed her eyes, tried to shut the world out for a moment. She shivered shortly then turned back to Tyrol.

"Any word on Sharon?" She asked.

Tyrol swallowed. "No, Sir." He sadly replied.

"Right."

With that, Kara turned around and continued to walk away. When she left the hangar bay, she could hardly breathe. She felt the tears well up in her eyes. She didn't want anyone to see her crying though. The great Starbuck doesn't cry. Not even when her best friend in the world had just died. When she arrived at her bunkroom, she was relieved that it was empty. Then she remembered it was empty because most of her bunkmates were dead. She cried out loudly and finally let the tears run. She sagged down on the floor and cried and grieved for her friends. But mostly she cried for Lee. There had been so many things she had wanted to tell him. How many times had she thought to just call him up in the last two years? But before she could even pick up the phone, her courage had left her and she had told herself she would do it some other time. But that time never came. And when he finally stood in front of her today all they did was fight. They had always been good at that. There was so much she wanted to tell him and now it was too late.

* * *

Lee was surrounded by darkness. His head hurt like hell. When he tried to open his eyes and lift his head a stabbing pain forced him to let his head fall back and he quickly closed his eyes again. He suddenly became aware of someone calling his name. He slowly opened his eyes again and tried to focus on where he was and what had happened. Then it all came back. The attack on the colonies, the Cylons ... everything. He suddenly realized there were people next to him. The President and the shuttle's Pilot. They were holding him by his shoulders. He took a deep breath before he tried to talk. "That was fun ...," He slurred slightly. 

President Roslin was clearly relieved to see him awake. Carefully she helped him to get up.

"I think it worked." Lee tried again and this time he found it much easier to talk. His strength seemed to return quickly as the world around him came into focus and stopped turning upside down.

"What exactly did you do?" Roslin asked.

"I basically just used the hyper drive to manipulate the energy coils. I put ... I put out ... out a big pulse of electroma ... magnetic energy that must have ... disabled the warheads. Uhhh ..." Suddenly a wave of dizziness and nausea hit Lee and he staggered to the side. For a second the world around him turned black again. When his senses returned, he noticed he was still standing thanks to the pilot who still held him firmly by his arms. He tried to go on with his explanation.

"I'm ... I'm hoping that it looked like a nuclear explosion..." He finished. He still felt nauseous and tired out from talking but at least he finally didn't feel so light-headed anymore. He took that as a sign of improvement. His head still hurt like hell but he did his best to ignore that.

"Oh, so that's what that was." Roslin said. She hadn't really understood much of what Apollo had told them but his last words told her all she needed to know.

"Yeah." Lee replied.

"So, uhh ..." The Pilot started, but Roslin was faster.

"Did it fool the Cylons?" She asked Apollo.

"I don't know. But if ... if they weren't fooled then they'd be on top of us by now." He replied.

"Does the rest of the fleet know about this trick?" The Pilot asked impressed.

"I ... I doubt it. It was just a theory we toyed with in War College, but ... it never used to work during the wargames, the Cylons would see right through it and destroy the targets anyway." Lee answered. He finally felt the rest of his strength returning to him.

"The lesson here is not to ask follow up questions but simply to say: Thank you, Captain Apollo, for saving our collective asses!" Roslin stated determinedly, smiling gratefully at him.

"You're welcome." Apollo replied, smiling back. "Now, if I could suggest ..."

"Evacuate the passenger liner and get the hell out of here before the Cylons realize their mistake. I'm right with you, Captain." Roslin had read his thoughts.

Together she and Apollo quickly left the Cargo bay, followed by the Pilot.

* * *

"Lee, are you alright?" Alicia cried out as soon as she saw her husband stepping into the room. Lee glanced at the president walking beside him. When he saw her smile approvingly, he quickly went towards his family. 

"I'm okay. How are you?" He asked worried after he had embraced them both.

"We're fine now. But everyone just collapsed. When I woke up again I had no idea what happened." Alicia looked questioningly at him. She and Nia were both half scared to death and Nia was near crying again.

"It was a trick to make the Cylons believe we were dead. I'll explain it all later. But we're safe for now." He sighed. "I have to go. I'm sorry. I'll be back as soon as I can." He gave both of them a quick kiss then left to follow the President.

* * *

After Kara had calmed down again she went to take a quick shower. After she was done, she returned to her bunkroom to get some fresh clothes. There was still no one in there. Before she shut her locker door, her eyes fell on a picture attached to the mirror. It showed her closely embraced with Zak. She took the picture in her hands and carefully unfolded it. The part that had been hidden showed Lee standing a bit apart from her and Zak. She looked at the photograph in her hand before pinning it back on the mirror – this time she let it unfolded so it still showed all three of them. Kara gently traced Lee's face with her fingers and quietly started praying. 

"Lords of Kobol, hear my prayers. Take the souls of your sons and daughters lost this day ... especially that of Lee Adama ... into your hands."

She could feel the tears well up in her eyes again and tried to force them down. She couldn't grieve now. There was time for that later. She had to get down to the hangar bay and help with the repairs. She glanced one last time at the picture before shutting her locker door. She took a deep breath and tried to regain her composure before she left the still empty bunkroom.

* * *

After the passengers from the Geminon Liner were all safe on Colonial 1 President Roslin walked over to Apollo who was still studying the navigational charts to find a safe place to hide. This was harder then he had thought at first. The Cylons could be anywhere. 

"Capt. Apollo, how are you doing?" She asked still concerned for him, as he still looked a bit pale.

"Much better, thank you, Madam President." He assured her. He figured it wasn't necessary to mention his still pounding headache.

Thoughtfully Roslin looked at him. "I assume that was your family earlier?" She questioned.

"Yes, my wife Alicia and my daughter Nia. They were visiting me on the Galactica."

"Why don't you bring them up here? You could be much closer to them. They wouldn't disturb anyone here. And I'm sure they would appreciate to see you more often." Roslin warmly smiled at him.

Lee looked at her gratefully. "Thank you, Madam President. That's very kind." A few minutes later, he had his wife and daughter sitting right next to him. Suddenly searching for a safe place didn't seem so difficult anymore.

* * *

A short time later Colonial 1 received an emergency call from a nearby Raptor. As it turned out it was a Raptor from the Galactica. Apollo had met the pilot, Sharon "Boomer" Valeri, only hours ago on the Galactica. Lee already felt as if that had been ages ago. Boomer reported that they were nearly out of fuel and that she had several refugees from Caprica on board, among them a Dr. Gaius Baltar, a famous scientist who was often called a genius in the media. Apparently, the Raptor's ECO had given up his seat to save this "Genius". They quickly approached the Raptor who was just a few minutes away and then got it safely on board. 

When Apollo reached the Raptor, the first refugees were starting to get out. Most of them were exhausted so he helped them climb down. Again and again, he was asked if he had heard anything from their brothers, husbands, parents. But there wasn't really much he could tell them.

"Captain." Boomer approached Apollo and they both stepped aside so they could talk undisturbed.

"I've got two communication pods left, Sir. But that's it. No jiggers, no drones, no markers. Nothing." She told him frustrated.

"Well, at least you've still got your electronic sweep. That old crate of mine can barely navigate from A to B." He waved at his Viper that stood nearby.

"This old crate may have saved your life, Sir." Boomer stated.

"How's that?" Apollo looked at her questioningly.

"The Viper Mark 7's ... The Cylons shut them down like they threw a switch or something. And I've been hearing reports like that from all over. The only fighters that have any success at all are either old or in need of some major overhaul." Boomer explained.

Apollo thought about that for a moment when he noticed Dr. Gaius Baltar leaving the Raptor.

"Is that him?" He asked Boomer.

"Yeah ... Hope he's worth it!" She said loud enough for Baltar to hear her. She knew it wasn't his fault that Helo, her ECO and friend, stayed back on Caprica. Helo had made that decision for himself. He had told her that Baltar was worth saving more then he was. She didn't agree with him but she had still left him on Caprica. She blamed herself for that. But she also blamed Baltar. He could have refused to take somebody else's seat but he hadn't hesitated to jump into the Raptor.

Slightly ashamed at her outbreak she looked back to Apollo. "Sorry, Sir."

"Don't be, I hope he's worth it too ..." Apollo assured her. Then he turned to Baltar.

"Dr. Baltar." He approached the man and introduced himself. "Captain Lee Adama. ... The President asked to see you, Sir."

Baltar looked at him in astonishment. "President Adar's alive?"

"No, I'm afraid Adar's dead. President Laura Roslin was sworn in a couple of hours ago." Apollo explained.

"Oh ... Who?" Baltar asked confused.

"If you'll come with me, um ... she's this way." Apollo showed him the right direction and they left the Cargo Bay, followed by Boomer. For some reason Apollo already had resentments against Baltar though he couldn't explain why.

* * *

President Roslin was talking to some passengers when she noticed Apollo, Boomer and Baltar enter the room. She saw Apollo smiling at his daughter who winked at him excitedly. She had to smile at herself at this. She also noticed her assistant, Billy Keikeya, approaching the Captain's daughter with a big grin on his face. The little girl was already winning over everyone's hearts. Then she turned her attention to Dr. Baltar. 

"Dr. Baltar. It's a pleasure to meet you. We met at last year's Caprica City Symposium." She greeted Baltar with a polite smile.

"Oh yeah ... of course." Baltar stammered, slightly perplexed. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm bad with faces."

"Oh no. That's perfectly all right. I'm sure I wouldn't remember me either." She shortly laughed at him before she went back to business. "Doctor, I need you to serve as my chief scientific consultant and analyst regarding the Cylons and their technology."

"I'd be honoured, Madam President." Baltar replied.

Satisfied Roslin turned her attention on Boomer. "Lt. Valeri, is it Valeri?"

"Yes."

"I understand that your ship has a limited faster than light capability." Roslin questioned.

"Uh, yes, Sir. The Raptor was designed to make short jumps ahead of the fleet, scout for enemy ships and jump back and report." Boomer explained.

"I want you to go out there and find as many survivors as you can, bring them back to this position. We will form a convoy. We will guide them out of the combat zone and into safety." As Roslin explained her intentions, she was pleased to see that Lt. Valeri was apparently very eager to take on this assignment.

"Yes, Sir." Boomer replied, and then she quickly left the room to go back to her Raptor. As soon as it was ready to fly again, she would do what the President had asked her. She was looking forward to finally do something other than just sit around in her Raptor and wait.

* * *

Boomers mission to find more stranded civilians worked better then they had anticipated. She found more and more ships and brought them back to Colonial 1. 

President Roslin had felt it necessary to visit most of the ships herself and see if anything was needed. Apollo had planned to make an engineering survey of all ships later that day but Roslin was still determined to make that first round of the ships herself.

Shortly after her return to Colonial 1, she was approached by Apollo.

"Message from Lt. Valeri, she's found a fuel refinery ship filled with Tilium." He told her, smiling satisfied.

"Ah, good, about time we got a break." Roslin replied relieved. "That brings us up to what? 60 ships so far?"

Apollo nods. He would have to tell Boomer what a great job she's done when he saw her the next time.

"Not bad for a few hours work." Roslin stated.

"No, Sir. But only about 40 of those ships have faster than light capabilities." Apollo said slightly worried.

"Hmm ..." Roslin thought about what that could mean in case the Cylons came back.

"We should start transferring people off the sublights on the FTL's as soon as possible." Apollo went on.

Roslin hated to leave all those ships behind. The ships would be very crowed and who knew for how long they had to stay on them. But Apollo was right. The risk of another Cylon attack was too big. If the Cylons found them again, their best chance of escape was to jump away immediately.

"Alright." She finally agreed.

At that moment, the pilot stepped up to them, followed by Aaron Doral and Billy Keikeya. He didn't have good news.

"A Cylon raider just jumped in and out fairly quickly. Lt. Valeri tried to jam his signal but it didn't work." He reported. He was clearly scared but tried not to show it.

"It definitely scanned us before the jump." He went on.

"We have to go ... now! The Cylons will be here any minute." Apollo quickly said.

"Will they be able to track us through a jump?" Roslin wanted to know.

"No, Sir. It's impossible." Apollo replied.

"Theoretically impossible?" Roslin needed to now exactly how good their chance of escape by jumping away was before she was willing to make a decision.

"Theoretically ..." Apollo admitted.

"Madam President, there are thousands of people still on the sublight ships. We can't just leave them." Doral called out shocked.

"I agree. We should use every second to get as many people off the sublights as we can. We can wait to jump until we pick up a Cylon strike force ..." The Pilot agreed with Doral but was interrupted by Apollo.

"We're easy targets. They're gonna jump right in the middle of our ships with a hand full of nukes and wipe us out before we have the chance to react." He explained sharply.

"We can't just leave them all behind; you'll be sacrificing thousands of people." Doral tried again.

"But we'll be saving tens of thousands. I'm sorry to make it a numbers game, but we're talking about the survival of our race here. And we don't have the luxury of taking risks and hoping for the best because if we lose we lose everything." He shortly glanced to his wife and daughter before he turned back to Roslin.

"Now, Madam President, this is a decision that needs to be made right now." He looked at Roslin.

Roslin looked thoughtfully at the men standing around her and reflected on their words.

"Order the fleet to jump to Ragnar immediately." She finally said.

Apollo and the Pilot quickly walked to the cockpit. When Lee passed by his wife he saw her shocked expression. He hoped she understood that this was their only chance to survive.

* * *

After they reached the cockpit, the Pilot informed all ships of the jump and began to transmit the jump coordinates to the FTL-Ships. Then he began his usual message to the passengers on board as he had done a hundred times before. But this time it left him with a sick feeling. "This is your pilot speaking. Passengers please take your seats and stand by to jump. Thank you." He shortly turned to Apollo and sighed deeply 

"Set ESB trajectory ..."He said.

"Colonial 1! For gods sake you just can't leave us here!" One of the sublight ship's pilots called over the comm.

"Set." Apollo said sternly.

"Colonial 1, this is Picon 3 6. I can't believe you want us to leave these people behind."

The Pilot and Apollo went on with the necessary preparations for the jump.

"At least tell us where you're going ... we'll follow at sublight ... PLEASE!" Another cry for help was heard over the comm. The Pilot looked up at Apollo. He was about to transmit the jump coordinates to the sublight ships but was stopped by Apollo.

"No! If they're captured then the Cylons know too." Apollo urged the Pilot to understand. They had no other choice but to leave these people behind. The pilot looked frustrated but he did as Apollo told him. He didn't send the coordinates.

"I've got 50 people on board, Colonial 1. Do you copy this?"

Apollo felt sick. He couldn't take much more of this. He felt like the screams of the people they would have to leave behind would follow him for the rest of his life.

"Speeding up FTL drive now." The Pilot reported silently.

"Don't leave us here! Show a little humanity! We don't have any weapons!"

Apollo tried to shut out these calls. He swallowed down the bile that was starting to rise in his throat.

"All ships, prepare to jump on our mark. 5 ..." He began to count down.

"Colonial 1. Please respond!" Another desperate cry was heard over the com.

"4"

"May the Lords of Kobol protect those souls we leave behind ..." One of the Pilots of the FTL-Ships prayed over the comm.

"3"

Apollo noticed the first Cylon Raiders jumped in near the ships surrounding Colonial 1. They had to get out of here. He hoped they hadn't waited too long. Several more screams were heard over the comm as the other ships noticed the Cylon Raiders as well.

"2"

Apollo tried desperately to shut out the numerous cries that were still transmitted into the cockpit.

"1 ... Mark."

As the FTL-ships jumped away one after the other, the first Cylon Raiders reached the sublight ships that were left behind. They immediately fired their nuclear missiles. Within minutes, all Colonial sublight ships were destroyed.

* * *

The Galactica had docked at Ragnar Anchorage, a military weapons depot that was hidden within a permanent electric storm. While the Galactica was restocked with weapons again, Tigh stood in the middle of CIC, waiting anxiously for the Commander to return. Adama had left Galactica for Ragnar after Chief Tyrol had reported that they had stumbled upon some crazy arms dealer named Leoben who threatened to shoot at anyone who would come near him. Adama had managed to convince the man that they needed the weapons to fight back the Cylons. Then due to an accident, one of the warheads had exploded. Adama and Leoben had found cover in a nearby corridor. But now the exit back to the main room was blocked and they had to find another way out. Tigh hoped that his friend would come back soon. 

"Action stations! Action stations!" The alarms system suddenly had gone on.

"We have multiple contacts coming down through the storm towards the Anchorage! Looks like more than 40 ships." Lt. Gaeta reported.

'What the hell' Tigh thought. 'How did they find us here?'

"Cut us loose from the station! Launch the alert fighters!" He ordered. Then he picked up the microphone to announce Condition 1 when he was interrupted by Dee.

"Wait! ... Wait. I'm getting colonial signals now ..." She told him while still listening to incoming transmissions.

"Confirm that! Don't just accept friendly ID!" Tigh ordered her. This could be a Cylon trap. But his worries were dispersed when Dee confirmed the signals as friendly only seconds later. Relieved he picked up the microphone.

"Action stations stand down!" He announced. Everyone in CIC relaxed visibly at that.

"The lead ship is requesting permission to come on board, Sir." Dee reported. "They say ... they say they have the president of the colonies on board." Dee smiled.

Tigh looked at her surprised. "Grant their request." He told her. This should get interesting.

* * *

Tigh had gone down to the hangar deck to greet the new President of the colonies. He was relieved they were still alive even though he had absolutely no idea how they had managed to survive a nuclear strike like that. When Apollo quickly explained what he did, Tigh had to smile at himself. 'Like father, like son.' He thought to himself. 'An Adama isn't that easy to kill.' He was already looking forward to let Bill now that his son was still alive and safe on his ship. 

After he had welcomed the President on the Galactica, they all went to a conference room where they could discuss further actions undisturbed. What started as a polite talk soon evolved into a loud argument between Roslin and Tigh. They obviously had many disagreements, to say the least.

"We are in the middle of the repairing and rearming this ship!" Tigh yelled at Roslin. "We can't afford to lose a single man off the line to start caring refugees!"

Roslin rolled her eyes in anger. How could one man be so stubborn, she thought. "We have 50.000 people out there. Some of them are hurt! Our priority has to be caring for refugees!" She yelled back at him.

"My priority is preparing this ship for combat! In case you haven't heard there's a war going on!" He couldn't believe this woman. She was President for what? 5 minutes? And already she thought she could order anyone around, Tigh thought angry.

"Colonel, the war is over and we lost." Roslin stated more calmly now.

"We'll see about that." Tigh pressed out. In his heart, he knew she was right but he had been in the military for far too long to just give up now and run away.

"Oh yes, we will. In the meantime however, as President of the Colonies, I'm giving you a direct order ...!" Roslin determinedly looked at Tigh.

Tigh snorted furious. "You don't give orders on this ship!" He yelled again.

"... To provide men and equipment!" Roslin glared at Tigh, simply ignoring his last remark.

When Tigh looked like he would explode any second Apollo finally had had enough.

"Hold on!" He cut in before Tigh could say anything else. "Colonel, at least give us a couple of disaster pods." He pleaded.

"Us?" Tigh looked sharply at Apollo.

"Sir, we have 50.000 people out there. 50.000! Some of them are sick, some are wounded. My wife and daughter are on one of these ships ... 2 disaster pods, Colonel. You can do that."

Tigh had finally calmed down a bit as he listened to Apollo. "Because you're the Old Man's son and because he's gonna be so damn happy you're alive ... okay." He gave in. "Two pods. But no personnel. You get them yourselves and you distribute them yourselves. And you are all off this ship before we jump back." He looked at Roslin as he said those last words. Then he turned back to Apollo. "You report to the flight deck! You're senior pilot now, Captain!" He ordered sharply.

"Yes, Sir." Apollo saluted. Then he smiled at Roslin. She nodded thankfully to him. Then he turned around and stepped out into the corridor.

* * *

Before Apollo reported to the flight deck as he had been ordered to he quickly went back to Colonial 1 to see after his family. 

"Hey you two. How are you holding up?" He asked as he sat himself next to them. His daughter immediately crawled into his arms.

"We're okay. What's going on?" Alicia replied.

"Well, apparently I just got promoted to CAG. ... We'll stay on Galactica for now. ... Uhm, I don't have any real place for you to stay yet but I'm working on it. For now, I think it's best if you just wait in the mess hall. I'll get someone to bring you there. Okay?"

"Okay." Alicia looked at him disappointed. She had hoped Lee would finally have some more time now that they had escaped the Cylons.

"I'm sorry. I'll come see you there as soon as I can." Lee promised. He pulled both Alicia and Nia in a tight embrace before he got up to find someone who could show them the way to the mess.

* * *

A few minutes later Lee found himself walking through the hangar bay looking for Kara. He finally found her underneath a Viper, doing repairs. He felt relieved to see her again. He felt like a lifetime had passed since he had seen her the last time. Slowly he approached her Viper. 

"Hey." He called out.

Lee saw Kara froze as she heard his voice. Slowly she pulled herself from underneath the Viper and stared at Lee in disbelief for a second. Lee held out his hand to help her up. When she finally stood before him, she held onto his hand a little bit longer then necessary.

"I thought you were dead." She stammered, still staring at him.

Apollo chuckled. "Well, I thought you were in hack."

"Huh ... It's goo ..." She swallowed." "It's good to be wrong." She gave him a small smile.

"Well, you should be used to it by now." He grinned at her.

"Everyone has a skill." She quietly let out a small laugh. They both fell into a comfortable silence.

"So ... Did you miss me?" Lee finally asked grinning at her.

"Every second." She grinned back at him.

For a while, they both stared at each other intensely. Kara felt like she would drown in his blue eyes and Lee couldn't break away from those green eyes that he had missed for so long. But finally, he forced himself to look somewhere else. So instead, he glanced at her Viper.

"So, uhm .. So how ... how go the repairs?" He asked.

"On track. Another hour and she'll be ready to launch." Kara said, glancing at her Viper now too. But after only a second, she looked back at him. "So, I guess you're the new CAG now." She stated.

"Yeah, that's what they tell me." He looked back at her, smiling shyly.

"It's good. That's the last thing I want." Kara said shaking her head. "I'm not a big enough dipstick for the job." She went on, giving him one of her trademark smiles.

Apollo raised an eyebrow, then started laughing silently. Again, they looked at each other for some time.

And again, it was Lee who looked away first. "I'll be in the squadron ready room." He said.

Kara couldn't force the smile of her face as she watched Lee walk away. The Gods had finally listened to her prayers. Lee was alive. She still had trouble believing it. She was afraid if she lost sight of him, it would turn out to be just a dream. His father must be overwhelmed with joy that his son was still alive. That is if he even knew. Last she heard, he was still on Ragnar.

"Hey! Does your father know you're still breathing?" Kara called after Lee.

Lee turned back around to her. She saw the anger light up his face but he quickly got his emotions back under control and his all too familiar mask slipped over his face again. "I'll let him know ..." He replied with a forced smile. She just couldn't let go of it, he thought angry. Suddenly he remembered that he still hadn't told her about Alicia and Nia. He figured it was about time he let her know about that part of his live before she found out from someone else. So slowly, Lee walked back a few steps in her direction, his anger towards her already forgotten.

"There's something I have to tell you." He started hesitantly. When he saw her green eyes looking expectantly at him he felt as if he couldn't breath. He closed his eyes. It took all his strength to say the next words.

"I'm married." He looked at her, guilt written all over his face.

Kara just stood there shocked, her mouth wide open, like she wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words.

"I know I should have told you before. I wanted to. But the longer I waited ..." He stopped not sure how to explain to his best friend that he had been married for almost two years, even had a daughter, without ever telling her.

"We have a daughter. Nia. She's 18 month old now and the sweetest little girl I've ever seen." He had to smile when he thought of his daughter. But when he looked back at Kara, his smile quickly faded. "They're both on Galactica now." He went on quietly. He felt more miserable with every second that passed. Kara still hadn't said a word. He braced himself to be hit now any minute. That was her usual response when she learned about something that made her angry. And he was sure this had made her very angry.

Kara was at a loss of words. Married. Lee Adama was married. She couldn't believe it. She wanted to scream at him for never telling her, for shutting her out of his life so completely for the last two years. But then the guilt over what she had done welled up in her again. How could she be angry with Lee if she was the actual reason why he hadn't spoken with her all this time. Even if Lee didn't know, she was responsible for all the pain he went through. She could do nothing but stare at him for some time while she searched for the right words to say.

"Uhm, well, congratulations then, I guess." She finally pressed out, forcing herself to smile at him. "I'm happy for you." She tried to convince herself that it was true. That she did feel happy for him. He had found someone to spend the rest of his life with. That was good. It was what she had always wanted for him. But she still felt like she had just lost something important. She went a few steps closer to him and gave him a warm hug. "I really am."

Lee looked at her surprised. "I'd expected a punch to the face or something similar but that's definitely better." He said smiling, still not quiet convinced that she would let him of the hook so easy.

"I understand your reasons." She told him. "And there are things I haven't told you ..." Kara stopped. She couldn't tell him. She knew she had to but she just couldn't bring herself to say the words. He was her best friend and even though they hadn't talked for almost two years, he was still the most important person in her life. If she told him, he would hate her forever. She remembered how cold and full of hatred his eyes had looked when he had screamed at his father at Zak's funeral and had blamed him for his brother's death. She couldn't survive if he ever looked at her like that. She just couldn't; at least not now. Not after what happened today. She let out a long deep breath.

"Does your father know?" She asked silently.

Lee shot her an annoyed look. She just never knew when to stop. She hadn't changed a bit. And for some reason he was glad for that. He chuckled and gave her one of his famous smiles.

"I'll let him know." He repeated his words from before. Then he turned around and left the hangar bay.

* * *

Tigh watched in shock as two crewmen carried the body of Leoben on a stretcher past him down the corridor. A Cylon. How could this man be a frakking Cylon? He shook his head in bewilderment. 

"This just gets worse and worse. Now the Cylons look like us."

He turned around to Adama who was being treated by a medical. He had a pretty bad looking wound on his forehead but other than that, he seemed alright. After Adama had found out that Leoben was a Cylon it had come to a fight. Tigh still wondered how Adama had managed to kill that Cylon with his bare hands. He must have put all his anger and grief about his sons presumed death in his hits to be able to win that fight the way he had.

"Down to our blood." Adama let out a frustrated sigh.

"You realize what this means ... They could be anywhere, be anyone." Tigh looked suspiciously around himself.

"I've had time to think about it." Adama said.

"So what do we do?" Tigh asked while walking up and down the corridor a few steps.

"I don't know. ... How are we doing with the warheads?" Adama wanted to know. It was time they got back to fighting the Cylons. They already lost too much time here on Ragnar.

"Magazine 2 is secure, 3 and 4 within the hour." Tigh reported. Then his expression changed and he looked down at Adama again. It was about time he let his friend know about his son. "Something else, Lee is alive."

Adama sharply looked up in disbelief. Then the look in his eyes changed to one of tremendous relief.

* * *

Lee figured he couldn't wait much longer to talk with his father. Alicia and Nia couldn't stay in the mess all day. Also, he needed to see that his father was alright, even if he wouldn't admit that to anyone, not even himself. After he had heard that the Commander was back on Galactica, he went to his quarter to see if he was there. When he arrived, he slowly went inside. 

"Commander?" He called out. Lee looked around the room for this father when his eyes fell on a picture of his mother, holding tightly on to Zak and himself as children. His mother. She was probably dead now along with anyone else on Caprica. He remembered the last time he spoke to her. She had told him about her wedding plans and how exited she was. She had sounded so happy. And now she was dead. He felt the tears well up in his eyes. Unconsciously he raised his hand to his forehead. His headache had become worse over the last hours.

Suddenly he noticed that someone else was with him in the room. He turned around to find his father stepping up to him. He sniffed shortly and tried to get his emotions back under control. He hated to be so vulnerable in front of his father.

"I'm sorry." Adama silently said when he saw the picture in Lee's hand.

Lee was still fighting down the tears. He looked down at the picture again for a few seconds. When he was convinced his voice was steady enough he turned back to Adama.

"I need to talk to you about something, Commander." He said unsure how to bring the subject up. He didn't feel ready yet to inform his father of his wife and daughter but he really had no other choice.

"I need to request a private quarter." He quickly said. He didn't want to look at his father so instead he stared at the floor.

"Granted." Adama said quietly.

Surprised Lee looked up. He hadn't expected that his father would just simply agree to his request without any further questions.

"I saw you with a woman and a child earlier today. You seemed pretty close. I assume you need the private quarter for them." Adama explained.

"Yes, they're ..." Lee stammered. "They're my wife and daughter. Uhm ... We've been married for almost two years. Shortly after Zak's ..." He stopped and looked at his father.

Adama looked hurt, which was understandable considering. But what did he expect? That he would still include him in his life after what had happened? Suddenly the anger towards his father welled up in Lee again. Adama noticed how Lee tensed up.

"Lee ..." He tried to reach out to his son but was interrupted by Lee.

"I have to go. Thanks for the quarters, Commander." He said coldly. Then he turned towards the open hatch.

But Adama wasn't willing to let his son walk away just like that. After all, he had thought Lee was dead up until a few minutes ago. He needed to feel his son close to him. Slowly he grabbed Lee at his shoulder and pulled him close to him in a tight embrace. Lee was taken by surprise at first and stood frozen while his father embraced him. But after a few seconds, he put his arms around his father too. Despite everything, it felt good to be hold by his father this way.

Adama noticed relieved how Lee responded to the embrace and that some of the tension that had built up in him seemed to have gone. He didn't want to let loose of Lee but he also knew that they couldn't stay like this forever. So eventually, he forced himself to release Lee out of the embrace. His son looked at him puzzled for a moment before he finally stepped out into the corridor without saying another word.

* * *

After he had left his fathers quarters he went straight to the mess hall where he had left his family. When he found them, Nia was asleep in her mother's arms. 

"Hey." He said quietly as he sat himself next to them. He gave his wife a long, deep kiss.

"Hey." She replied. She took Lee's hand in hers and looked at him thoughtfully while he watched Nia sleeping peacefully. Alicia could sense the emotional turmoil he was in but decided to wait until he told her from himself what was bothering him.

"What is going to happen now?" She asked anxiously after a while.

"I'm not sure. But we will stay on the Galactica. I managed to get a private quarter for us." He told her without taking his eyes of his daughter.

"And then? Lee, what are we going to do now?" She asked, desperation clearly audible in her voice. She held on to her daughter more tightly for a second.

"I don't know, Ali. We just have to wait for now." He sighed frustrated. He hated the fact that he couldn't tell her anything more comforting. He wanted to tell her that everything would be all right again. But he couldn't lie to her. She had always been able to tell his lies. And he had no idea what they were going to do next. The colonies were destroyed. There was no way back. They had nowhere to go.

"There is a meeting in a few minutes. We will know more after that." He knew he sounded lame but right now, it was all he could give her.

"You have to leave again already? You just got here." She said in a pained voice, tears glistening in her eyes.

He sighed again before giving her one of these smiles that had made her fall in love with him.

"They made me CAG. I have to attend to all the boring meetings from now on." He said jokingly in an attempt to lighten up the situation a bit.

At least that made her smile slightly. Then she raised her hand and gently stroked his face. "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." He said before he gently pulled her close to him again, careful not to wake his sleeping daughter. They kissed long and deep and hold onto each other tightly, not willing to let go of the other. They stayed like this for some time.

"Captain Adama, please report to CIC. Captain Adama, please report to CIC." The PA speaker interrupted this intimate moment between them.

"Frak!" He sighed. "I have to go. There is a Marine waiting outside. He'll show you your quarter. I don't know when I can join you ..." He searched for the right words. He couldn't find any.

"I love you." She said again. He kissed her one last time before he quickly got up and left the mess hall. As he stepped out into the corridor, he asked the waiting marine to bring his family to their new quarters.

* * *

An hour later Lee stood in font of Kara's Viper. She was already in the cockpit. 

"You understand the mission?" he asked her.

Kara rolled her eyes at that. "Put my head outside the storm and look around. Listen for wireless traffic. Come home." She said smugly. They had already gone through this before.

"No heroics, this is strictly recon. Look, listen, return." Lee told her again. He wished he could get out there with her.

"You don't have to worry about me, my taste for heroics vanished about the time I engaged that first Cylon fighter." She told him.

Lee wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words. So instead, he simply nodded at her and turned around to leave.

Kara looked down for a second and braced herself. She had to tell him now before her courage would leave her again.

"Lee" She called out. He turned around again and looked at her questioningly.

"Zak failed basic flight." She said quietly. The guilt was written all over her face. She couldn't stand to look Lee in the eye.

"What?" Lee asked confused.

"Or at least he should have but he didn't." Kara forced herself to look back at Lee. "Because I passed him. His technique was sloppy and he had no feel for flying but I passed him. Because he and I ... Because I felt something and I let it get in the way of doing my job. And I couldn't fail him."

Lee stared at her with a confused and hurt look in his eyes. "Why ... Why are you telling me this ... Why ... Why now?" He asked in a pained voice.

"It's the end of the world, Lee. I thought I should confess my sins." Kara waited for him to respond to that. To scream at her, condemn her, anything. But he just stood there, frozen in his tracks and stared at her. She could see the pain and anger in his eyes. She felt disgusted with herself. She couldn't look at Lee any longer. So she put on her helmet and quickly pulled her canopy closed.

* * *

Kara tried to clear her mind and concentrate on her mission. But she could still see Lee's blue eyes that looked at her with so much pain, hurt, and confusion. She knew it was the right decision. She had to tell him. He was all the Old man had left. And they both deserved to have a real father-son-relationship again. She had prevented that for too long with her silence. 

"Starbuck, Galactica. You should be approaching turn eight." She heard over the comm.

"Copy that! Starting to lose wireless contact . Making the final cut now." She tried again to concentrate on the mission at hand and to shut Lee and everything else out for the moment. "Galactica, Starbuck. I've reached the threshold." She got nothing but static as response. "Galactica, do you read me? ... Galactica, do you read me?" Great. She finally found the strength to concentrate on her work and now, without any radio transmission, she was all alone again with her thoughts. Thoughts of deep blue eyes that looked at her in pain. Suddenly she noticed her Dradis flicker. Shocked she looked at the multiple signs that appeared on her radar.

"That can't be right." She said aloud. When Starbuck looked up, she could see a Cylon Basestar just outside the electric storm. It was already flooding out hundreds of Raiders. The Cylons had found them.

* * *

At the same time, Commander Adama stepped into a conference room. The president had asked to see him there. He found her talking to her assistant, Billy Keikeya. 

"Hello Commander, have a seat. I'll be with you in a minute." Roslin acknowledged his presence, giving him a polite smile before turning back to her assistant.

Adama listened to them impatiently for a while. Billy apparently gave her an update on the fleet status. The young man looked nervously at the Commander from time to time.

He really had better things to do than listening to this, Adama thought slightly annoyed. After a few minutes, they were done and Billy left the room. With an inquisitive expression, Roslin turned to Adama.

"Are you planning to stage a military coup?" She asked directly.

"What?" Adama looked at her in surprise.

"Do you plan to declare martial law? Take over the government?" Roslin clarified her question. She tried desperately not to show her nervousness. If Adama really planned something like that then there was nothing she could do to stop him.

"Of course not." He replied angrily. What kind of man did she think he was? Then he remembered how he had called her a schoolteacher only hours earlier. Maybe her question wasn't as unfounded as he had first thought.

"Then you do acknowledge my position as president as duly constituted under the Articles of Colonisation?" Roslin sternly looked at him.

"Ms. Roslin. My primary objective at the present time is to repair the Galactica and continue to fight." Adama had voluntarily not used her title as President of the 12 colonies. He wanted to make clear that he was not willing to give in to her.

"What we do know at his moment is that there are 50.000 civilian refugees out there who don't stand a chance without your ship to protect them. Among them your own granddaughter and your son's wife." Roslin tried to reason with Adama.

"We're aware of the tactical situation and I'm sure that you'll all be safe here on Ragnar after we leave." Adama replied annoyed. How could she dare to bring his family into this.

"After you leave?" Roslin asked puzzled. Then she cleared her throat. " Where are you going?"

"To find the enemy. We're at war. That's my mission." Adama stated.

Roslin couldn't believe what she was hearing. The Commander seemed to be as stubborn and blind to reality as Colonel Tigh, she thought annoyed. "I honestly don't know why I have to keep telling you this but the war is over." She calmly said.

"It hasn't begun yet." Adama replied. What did she knew about military decisions and tactics, he thought angry. She's a frakking schoolteacher, for gods sake.

"That's insane." Roslin said quietly.

"You would rather that we run?" Adama asked raising an eyebrow. He would rather die than run from the enemy.

"Yes, absolutely. That is the only sane thing to do here. Exactly that: run. We leave this solar system and we don't look back." She felt shivers run down her spine at the thought of this. But really what other choice did they have?

"And we go where?" Adama thought she had gone completely crazy. There was nowhere else to go. And they couldn't survive on these ships forever.

"I don't know. Another star system? Another planet? Somewhere where the Cylons won't find us." She wished she could give him a better answer. But the truth was that she had no idea where they could go. She just knew that they couldn't stay here and they couldn't go back

"You can run if you'd like, this ship will stand and it will fight." Adama said determined.

Roslin let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm gonna be straight with you here. The human race is about to be wiped out. We have 50.000 people left and that's it. Now, if we are even going to survive as a species then we need to get the hell out of here and we need to start having babies!" Roslin glared at Adama and willed him to understand that there was nothing else to fight for except the people left here on Ragnar.

But Adama just shot her an angry look and got up. He excused himself and left the room without another word. Roslin sighed. Adama would run into his death if he didn't change his mind. And he would take the last survivors of humanity down with him.

* * *

Lee stood in CIC listening to Starbuck's incoming transmission. 

"I didn't get an accurate account but it looks like two basestars with 10 fighter squadrons and two recon drone attachments patrolling the area."

"Starbuck, were you followed?" Tigh wanted to know.

"Negative, no sign of pursuit. By the way they were deployed, I'd say they're waiting for us to come to them." She reported.

"Bring her home." Adama ordered.

Lee felt relieved Starbuck would finally be returning to Galactica. He still struggled with his feelings. He should be angry at her, furious actually. She had just confessed to him that she was responsible for his brother's death. Until now, he had always blamed his father. He hadn't spoken to him for two years. He had screamed at him at Zak's funeral. And know he found out that it never was his father. It was Kara. She had put Zak in the plane that got him killed. But he didn't feel angry towards her. He didn't feel the urge to scream at her, to hurt her. He just wanted her back safe.


	3. Miniseries Part 2 2

"Captain." Adama said and waved Lee to follow him. He went to a nearby console in front of a star map. "Lt. Gaeta, stay please." He said as the young man had turned to leave.

The four of them, Apollo, Adama, Tigh and Gaeta, started discussing what their next step would be.

"How the hell did they find us?" Tigh asked angry. As if it wasn't enough that they had just identified Aaron Doral as a Cylon spy thanks to Dr. Baltar, now the whole frakking Cylon fleet seemed to be waiting for them out there.

"Doesn't really matter, they've got us." Adama replied calmly.

"Why aren't they coming for us, Sir?" Gaeta wanted to know. He wondered why the Cylons hadn't attacked them when they already knew where they were.

"Why should they? They can just sit out there and wait us out. What difference does it make to them? They're machines, we're the ones that need food and medicine and fuel." Tigh replied frustrated. He wished they could just go out there and fight.

"I'm not going to play their game. I'm not going to go out there and try to fight them. Can we plot a jump from inside the storm?" Adama obviously had other plans. He had had enough time to think about Roslin's words. Even though he couldn't admit it, he knew she was right. If they wanted to survive, they had to run away.

Tigh looked at him with a shocked expression. Adama wasn't really considering just giving up? And a jump out of this storm? "With all this EM interference mocking up the FTL fix?" He called out.

"I tend to agree, Sir. I don't think we should even attempt to jump till we've cleared the storm threshold." Gaeta said uncomfortably.

"We have to be quick about it though. They'll launch everything they have first glimpse they get." Apollo cut in for the first time.

"Stick our nose out just far enough to get a good FTL fix, then jump?" Tigh asked doubtful.

"And what about the Civilians?" Apollo asked. He didn't want to just leave them behind. He knew the president was right. There was no sense in further fighting. The war was lost.

Tigh shot him an annoyed look. "Ahh, they're probably safe for the time being." They had more important things to think about.

"You mean leave them here?" Apollo felt taken aback. Those were probably the last survivors of their race. 50.000 people. They couldn't just leave them here to die. He glared at Tigh in disbelief.

"The Cylons may not even know they're here in the first place. They're probably only after us." Gaeta said hesitantly.

"Now that's one hell of an assumption." Apollo replied angry.

"Well, we can't very well cram 50.000 men, women and children aboard this ship." Tigh stated dryly.

"I'm not suggesting that, Sir. I'm just saying we can't leave them behind. They should jump with us." Apollo explained. He couldn't understand how they could throw away 50.000 lives so easily.

"I just don't see how we can manage that without jeopardising our ship." Gaeta said.

"We pick a jump spot far enough outside the combat zone ..." Apollo began but was immediately interrupted by an angry Tigh.

"What the hell is outside the combat zone at this point?"

"They better start having babies." Adama suddenly said quietly. For the last few minutes he had watched Billy Keikeya talking intimately to Dee. They seemed to have become very close in this short time. He reflected Roslin's last words and he realized she was right. He looked back at the three men in front of him staring at him in astonishment.

"Is that an order?" Tigh asked confused, following Adamas gaze towards Dee and Billy.

"Maybe before too long ... Okay, we're going to take the civilians with us. We're going to leave this solar system and we're not going to come back." It hurt more then he had thought to say these words aloud.

"We're running?" Tigh called out shocked.

Adama looked sadly at his old friend. "This war is over. We lost."

"My father is right. It's time for us to get out of here." Lee looked at his father and gave him a small smile.

Adama looked surprised at his son. He had just called him his father again. Something had clearly changed in his son's demeanour towards him. He didn't know why but he was grateful for it. He smiled back at his son.

"So where are we going, Commander?" Tigh asked frustrated. He didn't like the idea of running away.

"The Pro Mar sector." Adama answered.

"That's way past the red line." Tigh called out surprised.

"Can you plot the jump?" Adama ignored Tigh for the moment and turned directly to Gaeta.

"I've never plotted a jump that far, Sir." Gaeta replied doubtful.

"No one has. Can you plot the jump?" Adama asked again.

Gaeta thought about that for a moment then he looked determined at his Commander. "Yes Sir."

"Do it. By yourself." Adama ordered.

Gaeta nodded shortly then left to do his job. Adama turned back to Tigh and Apollo.

"This is a bad tactical position. We'll pull the Galactica out, 5 clicks. The civilians will come out behind us, cross the threshold, make the jump, while we hold off the Cylons. Once the civilians have made the jump, every fighter is to make an immediate combat landing, we don't have much time." Adama explained his plan.

"I'll tell them." Apollo said.

"I want all my pilots to return. Do you understand?" Adama glared at his son. He couldn't lose him again.

Apollo looked slightly surprised at his father. "Yes Sir, I do." He replied quietly. He gave his father another small smile before he left CIC.

"So, can I ask what changed your mind?" Tigh asked thoughtfully.

"You can ask." Adama replied.

Tigh had to smile at that. "So, what do we do about our prisoner?" He turned to the next problem.

* * *

After Lee had informed the President of the Commander's plan he went to see his family. Even though he had told his father that all pilots would be coming back alive he knew he might not be able to keep that promise. And he wanted to see his wife and daughter one last time. He only had a few minutes before the pilots briefing so he had to make this quick. When he reached his new quarter he hesitated a moment. He didn't want to worry his wife any more than necessary so he tried to put on a careless expression. When he finally stepped into the room he found his daughter giggling at her mother. He had to smile at that.

"Hey. You two seem to have quite a good time." He called out to them.

"Daddy." Nia looked happy at her father.

He sat himself next to her and pulled her onto his lap. Then he looked over to his wife.

"Hey." She greeted him with a warm smile. She could see through his fake expression immediately. They sat in silence for some time, interrupted only by Nia's laughter every now and then. She had grabbed Lee's dog tags and started to play with it.

"So, what's going to happen now?" Alicia finally asked. She wasn't sure she even wanted to know.

Lee sighed. He couldn't put it off any longer. He told her about Adama's plan and that they would all jump away to safety. At least they hoped it would be safe.

Alicia looked at him intensely for a moment. "And you will be flying in one of the Vipers holding of the Cylons?" She finally asked quietly.

"Hhm, yeah, I'm a Viper pilot after all." He tried to give her an encouraging smile. He wanted to tell her not to worry but he couldn't. He couldn't promise her that he would come back alive from this. He looked down on his daughter again.

"You look tired. Does your head still hurt?" Alicia looked worried at his pale face. "I could at least get you something to eat before you leave. You could try to sleep a bit till I get back." Hopefully she looked up at him. She didn't want him to leave so soon again.

"I don't have time for this. I only have a few minutes." It broke his heart to say this while she looked at him so vulnerable.

She swallowed and tried to force the tears down that were welling up in her eyes. "I love you." She whispered.

" I love you. Always." He moved closer to her and gave her a long, deep kiss. Then he looked down at his daughter. "You take care of your mom until I get back, ok?" She just laughed at him with her big eyes. "I love you pumpkin." Now he was the one who had to force down the tears. He took a deep breath. Then he gave Nia back to Alicia and quickly got up to leave the room.

"Come back safe." Alicia called after him. He didn't turn around at the hatch. He couldn't. But he promised himself that he would do anything in his power to return to his family.

* * *

The pilot briefing didn't take very long. It had hurt to see so many empty seats. Lee remembered that just this morning before the ceremony it had been full with pilots. Just this morning. His whole life – everyone's life – had changed dramatically in the hours that had passed since then. It was still difficult to really comprehend all this.

Kara was the last pilot to leave. Hesitantly Lee called out for her to wait.

Slowly Kara turned around to him. She looked at him, slightly afraid of what would happen now and braced herself for whatever he would slap in her face. She would deserve it.

"Be careful out there." Lee quietly told her. "No heroics, ok?"

She looked at him surprised. She hadn't expected that. "No heroics, I promise. I told you my taste for that is gone." She gave him a small smile.

"Good. Make sure you come back in one piece, alright? That's an order, Lieutenant." He said while looking intensely at her.

"Understood, Captain." She replied.

"Okay then. Dismissed." He looked down at some papers in his hands, pretending to read them. He didn't really know what they said since all he could think of was that he might never see Kara again after this battle.

Kara stared at him for a second. She didn't know what to make of this. Why wasn't he angry with her? She shook her head slightly. She would have to figure that out later. Now she had other things to worry about like getting out alive from this upcoming battle with the Cylons. She had promised Lee she would come back and she wouldn't let him down again. And when she still had time she would make sure that he would make it back alive too.

Before she left the room she turned around to Lee again.

"Lee, these last two years ... Did you miss me?" She asked hesitantly.

He looked up at her and gave her one of his famous smiles. "Every second."

Relieved she smiled back at him. "Just checking ..." Then she turned around and finally left the briefing room.

* * *

The fight against the Cylons had been going on for quiet some time already. And it didn't look good for the Colonials. So far they had managed to protect the civilian ships and already most of them had made the jump successfully. But the Cylons shot down the Vipers faster then one could count. They had already lost too many pilots and Galactica had taken some serious hits. Apollo didn't think they could hold on much longer.

Suddenly he was hit by an enemy missile. He had been so busy targeting the Raider in front of him he hadn't even seen it coming. It tore off his left wing and his Viper hurled around out of control.

"Apollo, do you read me?" Starbuck called out in a worried voice over the comm.

Apollo didn't have time to respond as he was trying to get his Viper back under control. When he saw a Raider coming toward him he starting firing and shot him down. Suddenly he saw another missile coming directly in his direction. In horror he stared at the approaching warhead, bracing himself for the impact. But in the last second Starbuck's Viper showed up before him and she destroyed the missile.

"Whhoooo! Come on boys! Ha, ha!" Apollo could hear Starbuck laughing over the comm. "Looks like you broke your ship, Apollo."

He had to chuckle at that, despite the situation he was in. "I've had worse. But thanks."

A few minutes later the last civilian ship had jumped away and the Vipers where called back to Galactica. But Apollo still had trouble getting his Viper fully back under control when all of a sudden he was starting to loose power.

"Frak" He called out frustrated while he tried to figure out what the problem was.

Starbuck could clearly see that Apollo was in trouble. Desperately she tried to defend him against the approaching Raiders.

On Galactica, Adama nervously waited for all vipers to return. When he saw that only Starbuck and Apollo were still out and that they weren't approaching Galactica he knew something was wrong. Anxiously he grabbed a microphone and called out to Starbuck.

"What do you hear? ... Starbuck, Galactica! What do you hear?"

"What?" Starbuck shouted in her comm. She could hardly understand what Adama was saying. There was too much static interrupting the transmission.

"Morning Starbuck. What do you hear?" This time she could clearly understand Adama's words. She laughed aloud.

"Nothing but the rain!" She replied grinning.

"Then grab the gun and bring the cat in." Adama ordered.

"Aye, aye, Sir! Coming home." She knew exactly what Adama wanted her to do. And she was right with him. She wasn't going to leave Lee behind. She just didn't know quite yet how to get him back to Galactica. But she would find a way.

"I'm losing power. I'm not going to make it, Starbuck. It's over. Just leave. Damn it! That's an order!" Apollo shouted over the comm when he noticed Starbuck didn't pull back towards Galactica. By this time he was already floating around in space helpless.

"Lee, shut up and hold still!" Starbuck suddenly knew how she would get them both back. She turned her viper and flew directly in Lee's direction.

"Ahhhggghhh!" She screamed over the comm.

Apollo looked shocked at the oncoming Viper. "Oh no!" He mumbled to himself before the nose of Starbuck's viper pushed right into the left wing of his own viper.

"You are beyond insane!" He screamed at her.

"Kickin' in the burn." Starbuck yelled laughingly while she pushed Apollo's Viper towards Galactica.

"We're coming in a little hot, don't you think?" He asked worried while he sat helpless in his Viper.

"No ... Not really." Starbuck replied. Her voice didn't sound too convincing though. She tried hard to get the vipers to slow down but it wasn't easy.

"Hang on!" She screamed as they approached the flight deck.

As soon as the Vipers hit the flight deck Starbuck lost control over them. She could do nothing but watch in horror while they slid over the floor. They finally came to a sudden stop when they crashed into the back wall. Terrified Starbuck saw that Apollo's Viper was almost smashed between her Viper and the wall.

"Lee, are you alright?" She practically screamed over the comm. She got no reply. "Lee!" She yelled again while she tried to get out of her Viper. Her canopy was jammed so it took her a while before she could climb out. By the time she got out of her Viper the flight crew under Chief Tyrol had made their way to the crashed Vipers. After seeing that Starbuck seemed to be alright Tyrol went straight to Apollo. Kara could hardly see into his cockpit as the canopy was covered with cracks. When Tyrol finally managed to get the canopy open she could see that Lee wasn't moving. His head hang down to one side and his helmet looked battered on one side.

'No, no, no, don't be dead. Oh Gods, no, please no." Kara thought terrified. She couldn't bear to lose him again. She just got him back.

But suddenly Lee began to stir. He groaned slightly and his eyes fluttered open slowly. Tyrol helped him carefully to remove his battered helmet.

"Are you alright, Sir?" He asked worried as he saw a bad looking bruise on Apollo's forehead.

"Yeah, I think I am." He replied weakly despite the stabbing pain in his head. He had thought his headache was bad before but now it was almost killing him. Carefully he tried to get out of his Viper. But the minute he stood he was hit by a wave of dizziness and nausea. All colour seemed to drain from his already pale face and he tumbled to the side. Kara and Tyrol quickly grabbed him before he fell to the floor.

"I better call a medic, Sir." Tyrol said even more worried.

"No, don't. It's ok. I just need a min..." All of a sudden Lee's eyes rolled up into his head and he collapsed to the floor.

"We need a medic her. Now!" Tyrol screamed.

"Lee, Lee, can you hear me? Wake up, please." Kara pleaded, kneeling right beside him. "Lee? Oh gods, please don't die." Kara whispered while tears were rolling down her face. She didn't care anymore if anyone saw the great Starbuck crying. All she could think of was Lee.

When the medics arrived they carefully put Lee on a stretcher and then rushed him down to sickbay. Kara never left Lee's side until they finally reached sickbay. Lee was brought into an examining room and Kara was told to wait outside. Exhausted she sagged onto a nearby chair and prayed to the gods that Lee would be alright.

"You should get that looked after, Lieutenant." A nurse had approached Kara and showed at her arm. Confused Kara looked down and noticed a pretty bad looking scratch. She hadn't even noticed she was bleeding.

"I'm fine." She said, still staring at her arm.

"This might have to get sewed up. I'll send a doctor to you." The nurse insisted. Before Kara could contradict her, the nurse had left.

An hour later Kara found herself back in the waiting room. Her arm hadn't needed sewing after all and had just been plastered up. Now she was waiting for any news on her friend. After another hour or so – Kara had already lost track of time - a nurse came to her and told her that Lee was going to be all right and that she could see him now. She didn't tell her what was wrong with him though. Kara would have to talk to the doctor about that, but since she wasn't related to him he would probably not tell her anything.

'Frak that' Kara thought. 'I'll find out soon enough'.

When she approached the bed Lee was lying in she saw that he still wasn't awake. Worried she looked at a nearby nurse.

"He's just sleeping. He's pretty exhausted. Nothing to worry about." The nurse assured her.

"Thanks." Kara replied gratefully and relieved. She had been afraid he had fallen into a coma or something. But then again the other nurse had told her Lee would be all right so there was really no reason for her to be worried. But seeing Lee so weak was just not something Kara was used to. Lee had always been the strong one, he was always there to comfort or help her. Now it was on her to comfort him. She took his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Suddenly he stirred and slowly opened his eyes. He winced shortly at the bright light surrounding him. It hurt his eyes.

"Hey." Kara whispered relieved to see him awake.

"Hey." He replied weakly, giving her a small smile.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"How long have I been gone out?" He asked in a small voice.

"Not long. They just brought you here a few hours ago." Kara told him quietly.

He sighed and closed his eyes again. "Sorry, I'm just so tired." He said sleepy.

"It's alright. Get back to sleep. You need to rest." She assured him.

"Please don't go." He murmured, hardly audible anymore.

"Don't worry. I'll stay here as long as you need me." She whispered softly into his ear.

Kara had been sitting next to Lee for a while, gently holding his hand, watching him sleep peacefully, when suddenly a familiar voice interrupted the silence around her.

"How is he doing?" Commander Adama asked quietly.

Kara didn't need to turn around to know who was standing behind her. She didn't take her eyes of Lee.

"You tell me. I'm not family so they don't tell me much. But he woke up some time ago for a little bit. He seemed alright." Kara assured him.

Adama looked worried at his sleeping son. When Dr. Cottle saw the Commander standing next to Captain Adama's bed he slowly walked over to let the worried father know about his sons condition.

"Commander." Cottle nodded at Adama.

"Dr. Cottle. How is he doing?" Adama asked.

"He has a bad concussion. From what I can say the injure is about 10 to 15 hours old. Since his condition wasn't treated right away it got worse than it originally was. But he should be fine in a few days." Cottle explained.

"But the crash wasn't even three hours ago. And he was brought to sickbay right away." Kara said confused.

"Well, then he didn't get the injure from that crash, just this bruise on his head, but that's nothing to worry about." Cottle stated dryly. "Even though the crash could have worsened the concussion. It sure wasn't helpful. Any more accidents I should know about?" He looked questioningly at Kara and the Commander.

"He just returned to Galactica a few hours ago. He seemed fine then. Maybe a bit pale but under the circumstances I didn't pay much attention to that." Adama answered. He felt slightly guilty that he hadn't noticed that his son had been in pain. Then he remembered what Tigh had told him about how Lee had managed to survive the Cylon attack on Colonial 1. "He had been very close to a pulse of electromagnetic energy. He practically stood directly next to it. Could that have caused the concussion?"

"Yes, that could very well be the reason. Tell the Captain to stay away from any such pulses in the future when he wakes up." With that said Cottle turned around and went back to his office.

Adama looked at his still sleeping son for some time before he turned back to Kara. "I need to get back to CIC. Could you let his wife know of what happened? I don't think she has been informed yet. I just found out myself."

Gods, his wife. Kara had completely forgotten about her. "Of course." She pressed out.

"And let me know if he wakes up." Adama looked down at his son again.

"Of course." She repeated. This time she even managed to smile at him.

"Thanks." Adama replied. Then he told her where to find Lee's family and turned around to leave sickbay.

Kara stood frozen beside Lee's bed. His wife. She didn't even know her name. What was she supposed to call her? Mrs. Adama? Somehow that sounded weird, like she would talk to his mother. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and took some deep breaths. Then she cast one last look at Lee and slowly left sickbay herself.

She didn't like leaving him alone. After all she had promised him so stay with him. But the Commander was right. His wife should know what happened to Lee. She should be the one sitting by his bedside. And she deserved to learn about Lee's injuries from someone that was at least friends with Lee and not some total stranger.

* * *

A few minutes later Kara stood before the hatch to Lee's private quarter. All she had to do was knock and his wife would be standing in front of her. Lee's wife. She still couldn't imagine him being married. Being a father. The last two years she had pictured him flying his viper and working hard as he had always done. He would go on dates from time to time, sure, but getting married? That thought hadn't even crossed her mind. And now she was standing in front of the hatch to his new private quarter and was about to meet his wife. After waiting a few more seconds Kara finally decided to knock. There really wasn't much sense in putting this of any further. And she couldn't stand in this corridor all night. She took another deep breath and knocked.

She only had to wait a few seconds before the hatch opened. When Kara finally stood directly before Lee's wife she could just look at her in shock. She knew this woman. She had met her before. She and Zak had gone out with Lee and her a few times. And she was the one Lee had fallen in love with so deeply that he wanted to spent the rest of his life with her?

'Frak, what was her name?' Kara thought as she continued staring at the woman in front of her.

"Kara?" Alicia looked surprised at her unsuspected visitor.

"Uh, hey, uhm ..." Kara stammered. She had no idea why talking to this woman suddenly made her so nervous. 'Ok, calm down!' She told herself. 'This really isn't very difficult. You just survived a frakking battle with the Cylons, this should be easy going compared to that.' Kara suddenly wished she could be in her viper again. Angry at herself she inhaled a harsh breath and braced herself to start explaining why she was here.

"Where's Lee? Has something happened?" Alicia asked worried before Kara could start to talk.

"Um, yeah, kinda, I mean ... uhm ..." Gods, what was wrong with her! She took another deep breath and finally started to explain quickly what happened. She only told the small details. That there had been an accident when Lee got back to Galactica.. That he was in sickbay but that his injuries weren't too bad. That he had a concussion, which was apparently already a few hours old and just got worse because of this accident but that he was out of danger.

Alicia looked at her in shock, then she quickly went to the back of the room, grabbed her daughter and stepped out into the corridor.

"Show me the way to sickbay, please!" She practically ordered Kara.

"Uhm, yeah, sure, just follow me." Kara replied and together they walked towards sickbay. On their way Kara glanced at the girl in Alicia's arms. She looked so much like Lee. The same blue eyes. When Nia noticed that Kara was watching her she happily smiled at her. Kara immediately fell in love with the little girl. She had exactly the same smile Lee had.

When they reached sickbay Kara showed Alicia where she could find Lee, then she stepped back. She didn't want to interrupt this reunion.

* * *

When Lee woke up a few hours later he found his wife and daughter waiting by his side.

"Daddy." He was greeted by his laughing daughter who sat on his bedside. After seeing her father finally awake, she through herself right at him before her mother could stop her.

"Miss me?" Nia asked him, giving him one of her sweetest smiles she seemed to save only for her father.

"Every second." He replied still a bit weak, smiling back at her.

Kara, still standing a few meters away, had to smile hearing this all too familiar exchange that she and Lee had originally came up with and had used practically every time they had been apart for more than a few hours. It had driven Zak crazy but they had kept saying it anyway. She liked the idea that Lee used their ritual with his daughter. Somehow it gave her the feeling that Lee hadn't totally excluded her from his life these past two years.

"I thought you never wanted to wake up again." Alicia softly said to her husband, giving him a warm smile before kissing him gently on the cheek.

"Are you alright?" Lee asked worried.

"We're fine. Don't worry. You're the one in a hospital bed, remember?" Alicia let out a small laugh.

"Right." They both smiled lovingly at each other.

Suddenly Kara felt like an intruder. She had promised Lee to stay with him but it was time now to leave him alone with his family. He didn't need her. Slowly Kara turned around and slipped quietly out of sickbay.

* * *

On her way to her bunkroom Kara met Commander Adama.

"Good Morning, Commander. Lee just woke up, Sir." She smiled at him happily.

"Good Morning, Starbuck. That's good news. Thank you." Adama replied smiling back.

"The Doc said he will probably be released tomorrow." Kara told him.

"Right in time for the service then."

"Service, Sir?" Kara asked confused.

"For the Dead, Lieutenant." Adama replied quietly.

"Right." Kara nodded slowly. She felt a big lump building up in her throat. So many of her friends had died and all she had thought about these last few hours had been Lee. She swallowed then nodded at the Commander and went on to her bunkroom.

"Lieutenant ..." Adama called after her. When she turned around again he continued. "Thank you for bringing my son back."

Kara smiled at him. "Anytime, Sir."

* * *

When Adama stepped into sickbay to visit his son he found him together with his wife and daughter. Adama stopped and watched them for a few minutes. Lee's daughter – his granddaughter, Adama thought – was sitting on the bedside next to his father. She had an astounding resemblance with Lee. The same blue eyes and her smile was definitely Lee's. He heard Lee laugh with his daughter. It made Adama comfortable and gave him a warm feeling around his heart to hear his son laugh and see him so happy.

"You seem to feel better already ..." Adama had finally decided to approach his son and walked a few steps closer until he stood next to Lee's bed. He smiled at his son before turning to his daughter-in-law.

"Good Morning. I'm William Adama. I don't think we have been officially introduced." He said to Alicia. Albeit she had been to Zak's funeral he didn't speak with her that day. He had been so eager to get to know Kara, the woman Zak had wanted to marry, that he hadn't noticed how close Alicia and Lee really had been.

"Good Morning. Alicia Adama. I'm glad we finally get to know each other." She warmly smiled at him. Adama liked her immediately.

"So am I." Adama smiled back at her. Then he looked down to his granddaughter who looked up at him curiously.

"That's your grandpa, Nia." Lee spoke up for the first time since his father had arrived. He looked up at his father smiling.

"Hello." Adama hesitantly reached out his hand towards Nia.

"Hi." Nia answered shyly in a tiny voice. She looked back and forth between her parents. When she saw them smiling she decided that she didn't need to be afraid of this man in front of her and grabbed his hand.

"Nia." She laughed at him.

"And I'm William. But you can call me grandpa." Adama said with such a big grin on his face that Lee had to laugh. He seldom got to see this side of his father.

* * *

Hours after Kara had left Lee's side she was finally finished with her work. She had helped on the hangar deck with the repairs on the Vipers. It had taken them all day and half the night to get all the damage repaired. It wasn't perfect but at least the Vipers would fly again should the Cylons suddenly decide to show up again.

Kara felt exhausted, dirty and tired. She just wanted to curl up in her rack and leave these last two days behind her. But after leaving the hangar deck she decided she would see after Lee one more time. It was the middle of night so his wife and daughter were probably back in quarters. Right now she wanted – needed – Lee all to herself, even if he was asleep, which at this hour would probably be the case. She would be content to just sit next to him for a while and watch over his sleep.

When she arrived in sickbay she sneaked around the nurse that had the nightshift and towards the curtained area where Lee was. She closed the curtains quickly around his bed again so no one would notice her being here. She watched Lee for a moment, then she took his hand in hers and silently sat next to his bed. After a while Lee began to stir in his sleep but he didn't wake up. Instead his head turned from one side to the other and he let out a small groan. It was evident to Kara that he was having a nightmare. Quickly she moved nearer to him and gently began stroking his cheek.

"It's okay, Lee. You're safe. It's just a bad dream." She silently whispered into his ear. "I'm here. It's okay. You're safe." She continued to stroke him and soothed comforting words into his ear until he seemed to calm down. She decided then that she would stay with him for the night in case the nightmares came back. He needed his rest so he would recover soon. Kara felt like she had just searched for an excuse to stay with him but didn't think any further about it. Instead she made herself as comfortable as possible in her chair and closed her eyes. A few minutes later she was deeply asleep. But she never let go of Lee's hand.

* * *

When she woke up the next morning she found Lee was already awake.

"Good Morning, Sleepyhead." He greeted her smiling.

"Morning." She groaned, stretching her back. Sleeping on a chair the whole night wasn't really very comfortable. "How's your head?" She asked after a few moments.

"Better, hardly hurts at all." He was clearly lying, she could see he was still in pain. But she didn't comment on that. She knew he would want to leave sickbay as soon as possible.

'To be with his family.' She thought and wondered why that image kept bugging her so much.

"Have you been here all night?" Lee interrupted her thoughts.

"Uh, no, I was working until around midnight." She said. Lee looked at her questioningly. Being evasive never really worked with him.

"Well, after that, yeah. You were having nightmares and I, uhm, you know ..." She stammered and looked down, not knowing what to say.

"Thanks." He looked at her gratefully. He only remembered pits and pieces of what he had dreamt last night but it hadn't been peaceful dreams.

When Kara looked up at him again she met his glistening blue eyes. They looked at each other for some time.

"Well, I should get going." Kara finally said. "I still have tons of things to do and I really need a shower and hot coffee before I start." She smiled at him before she got up and left sickbay.

On her way out she ran into Alicia and Nia.

"Oh, good morning, Kara. Have you been to see Lee? How is he?" Alicia warmly smiled at her.

"Uhm, better, he's eager to leave sickbay." Kara managed to smile back at the woman in front of her.

"He can't wait to get back to work. That's typical Lee." Alicia laughed.

"Yeah, well, that's Lee." Kara pressed out a small laugh. "Hmm ... uhm, I gotta go." She stammered before leaving quickly.

On her way to her bunkroom she thought back on her encounter with Alicia. She had looked fresh and clean while Kara herself was still covered in grease and sweat. But then again it had never mattered how good Kara had looked on the few occasions she had met Alicia. That woman had always looked a hundred times better. No wonder Lee had fallen in love with her. She was perfect, Kara thought bitter and wondered again why this made her feeling so bad. She should be happy for Lee. He deserved to have a family. But did he had to marry her of all people? Nice, beautiful, perfect Alicia? Kara groaned. Why was she thinking so much about this anyway?

* * *

Kara didn't see Lee again until the service the next day. Everyone had assembled in front of the coffins of the 85 crewmembers killed that first day of war. As Kara looked around she saw Lee standing in the front row with Alicia and Nia next to him. He still looked a bit pale but other then that he seemed fine. She thought whether to join them or not but decided against it. This service would be hard enough. She didn't need to stand next to Lee and his perfect wife. Kara let out a small groan. Again these weird thoughts. What was wrong with her? She noticed Boomer standing a few feet away from her and walked up to join her. They exchanged a few silent words before the service began. Leaving her thoughts of Lee behind Kara listened intently to the priestess' words.

"With heavy hearts we lift up their bodies to you, oh Lords of Kobol, in the knowledge that you will take from them their burdens and give them life eternal. We also pray that you look down upon us now with mercy and with love. Just as you did upon our forefathers many years ago. Just as you led us from Kobol and found the 12 worlds. So now we hope and pray that you will lead us to a new home. Where we may begin life ... anew. So say we all."

"So say we all." Everyone quietly repeated her words but there was not much hope in them.

Commander Adama looked around himself and took a deep breath. They couldn't survive this journey without hope for a better future. He stepped forward and called out lout and with a steady voice:

"So say we all."

"So say we all." Everyone again called out this time a bit louder.

Adama repeated this a few times until he was assured that he had everyone's attention.

"Are those the lucky ones?" He called out, showing at the coffins behind him. "That's what you're thinking, isn't it? We're a long way from home. We've jumped well beyond the red line, into uncharted space. Limited supplies. Limited fuel. No allies. And now, no hope. Maybe it would have been better for us to have died quickly. Back on the colonies with our families. Instead of dying out here slowly ... in the emptiness of dark space. Where shall we go? What shall we do? Life here began out there. Those are the first words of the sacred scrolls. And they were told to us by the Lords of Kobol, many countless centuries ago. And they made it perfectly clear that we are not alone in this universe." He turned around to the Priestess.

"Elosha, there's a 13th colony of human kind, is there not?" He asked loudly.

"Yes. The scrolls tell us the 13th tribe left Kobol in the early days. They travelled far and made their home upon a planet called Earth ... which circled a distant and unknown star." Elosha replied.

"It's not unknown." Adama turned back to the people listening anxiously to his words. "I know where it is. Earth ... The most guarded secret we have. The location is only known by the senior commanders of the fleet. And we dared not share it with the public. Not while there was a Cylon threat upon us. For now, we have a refuge to go to! A refuge that the Cylons know nothing about. It won't be an easy journey. It'll be long and arduous. But I promise you one thing. On the memory of those lying here before you ... We shall find it! And Earth will become our new home! So say we all." He called out loud.

"So say we all." This time there was hope clearly audible in everyone's voice.

"Dismissed." He said quietly.

Everyone around him broke out into cheering and people were hugging each other. He had given them back hope.

* * *

A few hours after the service President Roslin visited Adama in his quarters. After she took a seat she looked at him for a moment before she started to speak.

"Firstly, I suppose I should thank you for deciding to bring us on."

Adama sighs. "Listen, you were right. I was wrong. Just leave it at that." He really didn't like to be wrong and he didn't want to be reminded of it.

"Alright." Roslin waited for a moment before she brought up the real reason for her visit. "There's no Earth. You made it all up. President Adar and I once talked about the legends surrounding Earth. He knew nothing about a secret location regarding Earth and if the President knew nothing about it, what are the chances ... that you do?" She looked him directly in the eyes.

Adama looked straight back at her. "You're right. There's no Earth. It's all a legend." He replied calmly.

"Then why?" Roslin asked.

"Because it's not enough to just live. You have to have something to live for. Let it be earth." He explained his reasons. He hoped she would understand.

Roslin slowly got up and walked a few steps around the room before stopping in front of Adama, arms crossed. "They'll never forgive you." She said.

"Maybe, but in the meantime, I've giving all of us a fighting chance to survive. And isn't that what you said was the most important thing? The survival of the human race?" He replied.

"Who else knows?" Roslin wanted to know.

"Not a soul."

Roslin nodded slowly at this. "Alright. I'll keep your secret. But I want something in return." She said determined.

"I'm listening." Adama was slightly worried about what was coming now.

"If this civilisation is going to function, it's going to need a government. A civilian government run by the President of the Colonies." She explained.

"So you'll be in charge of the fleet. Military decisions stay with me." He could live with this agreement. At least this way he didn't have to burden himself with every little problem that would definitely occur within the fleet.

"Yes." Roslin agreed.

"Well, then I'll think about it. Madam President." It was the first time he used her title as President of the Colonies. Then he held out his hand for her to take. And with a handshake the deal was made.

"Oh, one more thing, Commander." She smiled warmly at him before leaving his quarter. "You have a very sweet, adorable little girl as your granddaughter."

Adama tried to hide the big grin that was starting to show on his face. "That I have indeed." He told her proudly.

Roslin smiled at him one more time before she left.

* * *

It was already late at night when Adama went back to his quarters. On his way he ran into his son and asked him to accompany him. He still had some things to discuss with him regarding the Air Group.

"And tomorrow I'll begin a formal Combat Patrol around the fleet." Lee told his father as they finally reached the hatch to Adama's quarters.

"Good." He looked at his son. He suddenly noticed how exhausted and tired Lee looked. He was angry at himself from keeping his son busy for so long. After all he was still recovering from a pretty severe injure. This could have easily waited until morning. Lee was probably looking forward to finally getting back to his family "Have a good night." He quietly told his son.

But Lee seemed reluctant to leave. He looked at his father in an almost desperate way. "I just ..." He started but was interrupted by Adama.

"Why don't we save this for some other time, son." Adama said calmly. He knew what was on Lee's mind. But this would going to be a long talk and there was always time for that later. Lee really needed his rest now.

Lee was slightly taken aback. He had wanted to apologize to his father and he just sent him away. Alright, if his father was content to just have a simple Commander/CAG relationship he could give him that.

"Good night, Commander." He said quietly.

"Good Night, Captain." Adama replied. Then he stepped through the hatch into his quarters. He had noticed his son's uneasiness and hoped that Lee understood his reason for delaying this conversation. Suddenly he noticed a folded paper on his desk. Puzzled he picked it up. As he unfolded it, he could read what it said:

'There are only 12 Cylon models.'

_A.N.: A great thank you to Starbuck042786 for beta reading and thanks to everyone for the reviews. It has all been very helpful and encouraging. I hope you like these last two chapters. Please read and review. Thanks. _


	4. 33

„Apollo, wake up!"

Lee startled from his sleep. His eyes flew open and his head jerked up quickly. When his eyes had accustomed to the light around him he could see Starbuck standing right in front of him, arms crossed.

"I'm awake." He said in a still sleepy voice. He ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Then he checked his watch. "Frak."

"Right. Come on, we launch in 5 Minutes." Starbuck told him.

Apollo quickly got out of his chair when his eyes fell on the papers in front of him. "Frak, I didn't finish the report."

"That will just have to wait for the next cycle. Now come on!" Starbuck said impatiently, then she turned around and left his office.

Apollo glanced one last time at the papers on his desk before he quickly followed her out.

A few minutes later he sat in his Viper outside Galactica watching the clock intently.

"And one minute to mark." He told the other pilots who had launched with him to protect the fleet from the Cylons who would surely appear the next minute. Exactly like they had the last 236 times before. Every 33 minutes. He desperately tried to stay awake. He had barely closed his eyes for more then five minutes these last five days. And the Cylons just kept coming and coming, no matter what they did. He had no idea how they could find them every time. He assumed there must be more Cylon spies in the fleet. Or they were tracking one of the ships.

"Hey Apollo, what number is this, did we pass 200 yet?" Starbuck asked over the comm.

"Try 237." Apollo replied.

Kara chuckled. "You're telling me I missed 200?"

"That's exactly what I'm telling you." Apollo had to smile. He could practically hear her grin over the comm. "What? Where you planning something special?"

"No, I just like to keep track of things like this. I mean, 200 was just a nice round number and now I'm gonna have to wait for 300." Starbuck replied grinning.

"Don't even joke about it."

Suddenly his clock started to beep. Another 33 minutes had passed. And the Cylons were right on time. A Basestar appeared and immediately launched his Raiders towards Galactica and the waiting Vipers.

"All right, you know the drill, people. Scatter formation. Keep them off the civvies and don't stray beyond the recovery line!" Apollo ordered the pilots.

A few minutes and one fierce battle later all civilian ships had jumped away and the Vipers were called back to Galactica.

"Combat landings." Apollo called out.

They were getting slower. More and more ships were reporting troubles with their FTL-Drives. The Galactica had already taken some hits before all Vipers had landed safely. Fortunately they were able to jump away before the first Cylon Raider had reached the Galactica and further damage had been prevented.

* * *

"Jump 237 complete." Gaeta reported.

"All civilian ships present and accounted for, Sir." Dualla said like she had done 236 times before. So far they hadn't lost one ship. She hoped it would stay like this until they had found a way to finally escape the Cylons.

"Start the clock. And let's start prepping for the next jump." Tigh ordered.

All three looked like they could hardly keep their eyes open. Gaeta picked up the microphone. "Clock is running. 33 minutes ... mark." He announced fleet wide.

* * *

"You've got 32 minutes, people." Apollo could hear Chief Tyrol call out to his crew. Tired he stayed in his Viper for a few moments longer than necessary. He finally forced himself to get out. He was afraid he would fall asleep again. And he really didn't have the time for that. There was the pilots briefing, then he had his reports to finish, look after his family and if there was still time he should get something to eat. The last time he ate something was about 24 hours ago.

Kara accompanied him on his way to the briefing room.

"Did you hear that the Cylons look like us now?" She asked. She figured if she just kept talking she would at least not fall asleep.

But Lee just kept walking next to her without saying a word.

"Oh come on, you can tell me. It's not fair that only superior officers get informed of this. We all deserve to know. And I bet you told Alicia. I mean, you're not supposed to have secrets from your wife, right? But if you told her, what difference does it make if you tell your best friend? And since I have been your best friend since ..." Starbuck went on, oblivious to the annoyed looks Apollo send her way throughout her speech.

"What I tell my wife is none of your business, Lt. And if I receive classified information they are classified for a reason." He snapped at Starbuck.

Kara felt taken aback. She hadn't meant to start a fight with Lee. She had just tried to keep up a conversation. She was about to snap something back into his face when they reached the briefing room.

Lee quickened his steps and went straight for the podium. He was angry at himself. There really had been no reason to be so harsh to Kara. She just wanted to know what everyone else was asking. If the Cylons really looked like humans now. And he did agree with her. They all deserved to know the truth. This couldn't stay hidden for long anyway. But it was still classified information and he was simply too exhausted to discuss this with her now.

Tired he looked at the pilots in front of him.

"Okay people. Combat landings expected again to be the order of the day, so ... double check your undercarriage before ..." He looked down at the pilots who looked just as tired as he was. "Look, you've all done this ... 237 times. You know what to do. No mistakes and lets make it to 238. And good luck and be careful out there." He practically had to force the words to come out of his mouth. He felt too tired to even speak.

One after the other the Pilots left the briefing room. Lee noticed how Kara shot him an angry look before she left too. He guessed he deserved that after he had snapped at her before without reason. He would apologize to her later. Now he had to finish his reports. On his way to his office he ran into Colonel Tigh.

"Captain, wait a minute." He called out to Apollo. "New orders from the Old Man. Every pilot has to take stims from now on." When he saw Apollo's annoyed look he went on. "We just had too many cases of exhaustion breakdowns. We can't afford any more. Especially not with the pilots."

"Yes, Sir." Apollo sighed. He didn't like to take stims but Tigh was right. They couldn't go on like this forever.

"Report to sickbay for further instructions. I'll put a note about this in the ready room." Tigh said before he left.

Sighing Apollo started his way to sickbay to pick up the stims for the pilots. He would never get finished with his reports before the Cylons came again. Well, he would just have to postpone lunch to some other time. That would safe him some more minutes. He decided to check on this family on his way to sickbay. Their quarter lay on the way so it wouldn't take much time. He just wanted to hold his daughter for a second and see after Alicia.

* * *

When he entered his quarter he found his wife playing with their daughter.

"Lee." She called out surprised when she saw her husband stepping in. He gave her a quick kiss then he reached for his daughter.

"Hey Pumpkin, miss me?" He smiled at her lovingly.

"Yes." Nia quickly nodded and laughed at him.

"I just have a few minutes. How are you holding up?" Lee asked his wife.

"Tired, as is everyone else. Other than that we're doing fine." She looked at her daughter and smiled. "Nia is probably the only one that gets enough sleep. The alarms and jumps doesn't seem to disturb her anymore. She sleeps right through them." She told him.

"That's my girl." Lee laughed at his daughter. Then his eyes fell on an almost empty pill box on the table. Puzzled he looked at his wife.

"You said you still had enough pills for weeks." He said to her.

"Well, uhm, yeah, I didn't want to worry you." Alicia looked down on the floor. "And it's not like I can go to the next pharmacy and get some new ones." She suddenly turned defensively.

"Then what were you gonna do? Just take nothing? You know you can't do that." Lee was starting to get angry. How could she just ignore this?

"And what am I supposed to do? What .. you think they have Valproat on a battlestar?" Alicia hissed at him. She was now as angry as Lee.

Lee let out a frustrated sigh. He forced himself to calm down. "I have to talk to Doc Cottle anyway. I'll asked him for something." He looked at his wife for a few seconds. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get angry. I just ..." He sighed again.

"No, I'm sorry. I should have told you. No secrets, right?" Alicia smiled sadly at Lee.

"Right. ... I have to go. I'm already running late. I love you." He kissed her again. Then he put Nia back on the floor, gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and left. He quickly went on to sickbay.

* * *

"Just give each of your pilots 2 of these pills and they should be fine for the next hours. You can repeat that for about 2, maybe 3 days. But I don't recommend to go on stims longer then that. The risk of addiction gets too big after that time." Cottle explained to Lee.

"Tell that to the Cylons." Lee stated dryly. "Thanks Doc." He took in a deep breath. "Uhm, Doc, there's one more thing I'd like to talk to you about."

"Sure, what's up?" Cottle asked.

"It's ... It's about my wife. She ...uhm She suffers from ... from some form of ... manic depressions. She's taken Valproat so far, but she's running out of them soon. I thought that maybe, uhm, you might have something similar ..." Lee looked hopeful at Cottle.

Cottle thought about what Lee had just told him for a moment. "Hmm, that's difficult. We don't have Valproat here since people with this disease usually don't get to work on a battlestar." He looked thoughtfully at Lee for another moment. "How long will her pills last?" He wanted to know.

"For about 2 days." Lee replied.

"Okay, I'll think about it. I'll let you know if I have something." Cottle assured Lee.

Gratefully Lee looked at Cottle. "Thanks Doc."

* * *

Lee ordered one of the more older pilots, Frosty, to hand out the stims to the first pilots. He only had 15 minutes left and wanted to finish at least the last cycle's report before he had to go out again. When he was almost done someone knocked on the hatch to his office.

"Cone on in." He said tired. When the hatch opened he saw Frosty stepping into the room.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Sir, but ..." Frosty stopped hesitantly.

"What is it, Lt.?" Lee questioned.

"Uhm, it's Starbuck, Sir. She said she won't take the stims, Sir." Apollo let out a frustrated groan as he heard that. Angrily he got up, grabbed the pills out of Frosty's hand and went to find Starbuck.

* * *

He found her in the hangar bay inspecting her Viper. On his way down he had decided that it wouldn't make much sense to start yelling at her so he would try the friendly way first. They could always hit each other later.

"Hey, you, uhm, you see the note from the XO?" He said to her.

"Yeah, I saw it. No way." Starbuck replied stubbornly.

"Kara, everyone else ..." Lee tried again.

"I don't fly with stims. They blunt your reflexes, your reaction time." She interrupted him and continued checking her Viper.

Lee let out an exhausted sigh. Why couldn't she just take her orders like anyone else on this ship. He really was too tired for this. "Come on, Kara, give me a break. Just ..."

"Why are we arguing about this?" Kara asked him angrily.

"I have no idea." Apollo shook his head in confusion. What was her problem now?

"Neither do I. You're the CAG – act like one." Kara yelled at him.

"What the hell does that mean?" He yelled back. He was starting to get angry now too.

"It means that you're still acting like you're everyone's best friend. We're not friends; you're the CAG! 'Be careful out there?' Our job isn't to be careful, it's to shoot Cylons out of the frakking sky! 'Good hunting' is what you say. And now one of your idiot pilots is acting like a child and refusing to take her pills. So she either says 'Yes, Sir' and obeys a direct order or you smack her in the mouth and you drag her sorry ass down to sickbay and you make her take those pills!" Kara shouted at Lee while she walked up to him until she stood directly in front of him.

They both stared at each other furiously for some time before they both broke out into a laughter.

"Well, I'm glad I'm not working for you." Lee said grinning.

"You're damn right your glad." Starbuck replied still laughing.

He looked at her for a second. "So, do I have to smack you in the mouth, Lieutenant?" He asked quietly.

"No, Sir. I'll take my pills." She replied. Then she saw him holding out the pill box. "Oh, perfect." Sighing she held out her hand and he let the pills fall down on it.

"Carry on." He told her.

"Yes, Sir." Reluctantly Kara swallowed down her pills.

Satisfied Lee turned around and went to his Viper. Kara watched him leaving shaking her head. Then she noticed Tyrol watching her with an astounded look on his face.

"What?" She asked angry.

Tyrol just arched an eyebrow and slowly turned away. He didn't get these two. One minute they're fighting, the next minute they're best friends again. The way they were acting one could think they were lovers or something. But since the CAG was married that couldn't be it. Maybe they were both just plain crazy.

* * *

Again Lee sat in his Viper waiting for the Cylons to come. Only two minutes to go. He found it much easier this time to stay awake thanks to the stims. But they also gave him an edgy feeling like he couldn't sit still for a second. Which wasn't really a comfortable feeling when you are stuck in a Viper.

"Hey, Apollo, do you also feel like running around the Galactica for 10 rounds would be a great thing to do right now?" He could hear Starbuck over the comm.

"Yep, absolutely. But I guess we have to settle with shooting down Cylons for now." He replied. He could hear Starbuck laughing over the comm and had to smile at that.

"One minute to mark." He announced a few seconds later.

And again the Cylons came right on time. Exactly after 33 minutes a Basestar appeared and launched it's Raiders. This time the Colonials weren't so lucky. More and more civilian ships had reported problems with their FTL-Drive so it took a couple of minutes too long before all ships had jumped into safety. By this time the first Raiders had reached the Vipers and it came to a pretty fierce battle. Fortunately they didn't loose any pilots and all returned safe back to Galactica. Safe, but only for the next 33 minutes, Apollo thought bitter.

* * *

"Jump 238 complete." Gaeta reported.

"Start the clock." Tigh ordered. He felt like he could already repeat these words in his sleep. If he would get any sleep at all.

"33 minutes ... mark." Gaeta announced again fleet wide.

"All civilian ships present and ..." Dualla started do report as usual but then her eyes widened in horror. "Strike my last. One civilian ship missing and unaccounted for, Sir."

"Which one?" Tigh asked alerted as he quickly went over to Dualla's console.

"The Olympic Carrier. Commercial passenger vessel." Dualla reported still slightly shocked. She had been afraid something like this would happen ever since the Cylons had attacked the first time after their jump into presumed safety.

"Were they left behind?" Adama asked concerned.

"I think I accounted for all civilian ships before we left, Sir." Dualla replied hesitantly.

"You think? Did you or did you not?" Tigh yelled at her angrily.

"They're ... they're not logged in, Sir. I think they may have been left behind." Dualla was forcing down the tears welling up in her eyes.

"How many people aboard the ship?" Adama asked quietly.

"1.345 souls, sir." Dualla whispered.

"You're telling me we left over 1.300 people to die at the hand of the Cylons?" Tigh asked her angrily. This shouldn't have happened.

"It may not have been her fault, Sir." Gaeta cut in. He felt sorry for Dualla. He could see she was near crying already. "It may have simply been a navigational error and they jumped to the wrong coordinates. Or the Cylons may have destroyed the ship before they jumped ..."

"Or fifty other things may have happened. The point is, we don't know what the hell did happen." Tigh looked angry at the people standing around him. "Yes, we're tired. Yes, there's no relief. Yes, the Cylons keep coming at us, time after time after time. And yes, we are still expected to do our jobs!" He shouted.

Adama looked around him, sadness visibly in his eyes. "We make mistakes, people die. There aren't many of us left. ...Carry on." He said quietly.

A few minutes later on Colonial 1 the number on the white board showing the last survivors of humanity were corrected down to 47.972.

* * *

Lee sat back in his office. He ran his hands through his hair as he tried to concentrate on his reports. Thanks to the stims just sitting around still wasn't the most easiest thing to do right know. He imagined Starbuck running around the Galactica letting of some steam. Or taking a long, hot shower. Or getting something to eat. No matter what she did right now he wished he could join her instead of sitting around in his office.

So far he had at least managed to finally finish the report from two cycles before. There were only two more to go. But he found it harder with every passing minute to concentrate on what he was writing down. Despite the stims he still felt tired and hungry. He closed his eyes for a second. Shouldn't these frakking stims make him more wakeful? All they did was make him feel on the edge. Starbuck was right. These frakking pills were playing with one's head.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

"Come on in." He called out. He hoped there hadn't been another problem with one of the pilots again. He smiled when he saw Alicia and Nia walking in.

"We thought you could use something to eat so we brought you something from the mess." Alicia told him, smiling warmly at him. She looked just as tired and exhausted as Lee felt.

"You're an angel. I'm starving." Lee called out thankfully. While Alicia put the food on his desk his daughter crawled on his lap.

"Hi Daddy." She gave him one of her favorite smiles.

"Hey pumpkin." He gave her a kiss on her forehead. The reports were forgotten for the moment. He quickly began to eat, sharing with his daughter from time to time. He was determined to eat up all the food Alicia had brought before he had to get back into his Viper. Who knew when he would get another chance to eat?

Suddenly the hatch opened again and Kara entered the room.

"Oh food." She called out gladly and quickly took a seat next to Lee's desk. "You don't mind, do you?" She had already started taking some of the food. The way she looked she really had just enjoyed a shower. Lee already envied her for that.

Nevertheless he grinned at her shaking his head. "Well, since you're already eating ..."

"I would have brought more if I had known you were coming." Alicia said. It was bugging her that Kara ate the food that had been intended to be for Lee. She had no idea why but she was a bit jealous of Kara. Maybe it was just because she got to spend so much more time with Lee since they were both pilots. But there was something in the way they were looking at each other sometimes that worried her slightly.

"Oh, that's okay. Lee doesn't mind to share, right, Lee?" Kara grinned at her friend.

"Yeah, right." He laughed at her and they both looked at each other for a moment with glistening eyes. "Can you imagine what I had to endure during flight school?" He turned to his wife laughing.

"Oh yeah ..." Alicia forced herself to laugh back.

"So, Alicia, have you heard that the Cylons look like us now?" Kara asked after a few moments with a big smirk on her face.

"Kara!" Lee warned her.

"What?" Kara answered with a full mouth, still grinning mischievously. Then she looked questioningly back at Alicia.

"Uhm, I heard two marines talking about it in the mess, but I'm not sure if it's true." Alicia answered, not sure what to think of this question.

"So, you haven't heard anything from ... let's say ... higher sources?" Kara kept asking innocently.

"That's it. Out! Now! I meet you on the Hangar Deck in 5 minutes." Lee tried to look angry while he desperately tried not to laugh out loud. Kara was probably the most annoying person in his life but he had missed that usual banter between them the last two years.

"Aye, aye, Sir." Kara smugly saluted to him, waved shortly at Nia, grabbed some more food for the way and thanked Alicia for the meal. Then she quickly disappeared into the corridor.

Lee shook his head smiling while he watched the hatch closing behind Kara.

"I really can't understand how you could be friends with her for so long. You two are so different." Alicia asked in disbelieve. She had never understood the relationship between Lee and Kara.

"That's what makes it so interesting, I guess. ... And I think deep down we're not so different at all." He replied thoughtfully, still staring at the closed hatch.

Alicia wasn't sure if he had even meant to say that last part aloud.

* * *

A few minutes later Starbuck and Apollo found themselves back in their Vipers again, waiting for the Cylons to show up. But when the 33 minutes were over, nothing happened. No Basestar appeared.

"Hey Apollo, what do you think this means? Did we escape them?" Starbuck asked after a few minutes.

"I don't know. Maybe ..." Apollo replied doubtful. He thought about the ship they had lost the last time they had jumped. The Olympic Carrier. It couldn't be a coincidence that the Cylons didn't show up right after that.

"Apollo, Galactica. You are ordered to set up a combat patrol around the fleet. The rest of the pilots are to land immediately." Apollo could hear Dee over the comm a few minutes later.

"All right, people, you heard the order. Boomer, Starbuck, warm up with me. We'll fly the first CAP. I want everyone else back on Galactica and in their racks. Three hour rotation." He ordered.

"Hey Apollo, not that I'm not honored to be chosen to sit out in my cockpit for the next three hours, but uh ..." Starbuck said, slightly complaining.

"But why you?" Apollo asked grinning. "Take a guess."

"Cause I'm on drugs?" Starbuck smirked. She would make Lee pay for this, that was for sure.

"You got it. This patrol is 100 stimulated." He laughed quietly as he imagined Kara's face right now.

"Someone else feel like they have ants crawling behind their frakking eyeballs?" Crashdown, the Raptor's ECO, cut in for the first time.

Silently Apollo had to agree. He hoped he would never have to take stims again in his life. "Hey, how about you, Boomer? Doc tells me, you're holding up better than anybody in the squadron."

"I'm tired like everybody else." Boomer replied.

"You never seem it." Apollo went on. In fact he had already wondered how she held up so good. She looked like she had just slept 10 hours in a row.

"That's cause she's a Cylon." Starbuck called out jokingly.

"You're just gonna make me come over there and kick your ass, aren't you?" Boomer called back. She hated jokes like that. They always send shivers down her spine for some reason.

"Okay, okay, let's set up a patrol here, before somebody gets hurt. Follow me." Apollo ordered, fully back to being the CAG.

"Copy that, Apollo." Starbuck replied.

* * *

Almost three hours had passed and still no sign of the Cylons. Everyone had just started to hope that maybe this time they had finally managed to escape when suddenly the alarms went off.

"Dradis contact." Gaeta called out. "Bearing 3-4-8, carom 1-2-0. One ship. ... Getting recognition signal ... It's the Olympic Carrier, Sir." Relieved Gaeta looked up from his console.

"Is that confirmed?" Tigh asked stunned.

"It's confirmed, Sir." Dualla reported.

"Thank the gods." Relieved Tigh looked up at the Dradis console.

"Action stations." Adama suddenly ordered after staring at the Dradis for several seconds. Tigh looked at him stunned. "Put the fleet into Condition 1. I want all Vipers manned and ready, but keep them in the tubes." Adama went on while everyone in CIC stared at him in confusion for a second.

"Mr. Gaeta?" Adama went on.

"Sir?"

"Restart the clock. 33 minutes." He said determinedly. Just like Lee Adama didn't think that it was a coincidence that the Cylons stopped coming right after the Olympic Carrier had disappeared.

"I hope you're wrong." Tigh said quietly to Adama.

"So do I. ... So do I." Adama sighed. He had really hoped this nightmare was finally over.

* * *

Anxiously Apollo sat in his Viper and watched the Olympic Carrier approaching the fleet. He listened to Boomer contacting the ship's pilot.

"Olympic Carrier, Olympic Carrier. This is Raptor 478, Callsign Boomer. I have you in visual contact. Please respond on this channel, over."

"Raptor 478, this is the Olympic Carrier. We have you in visual contact. Thank the Lords of Kobol. You don't know how relieved we are to see you." The Pilot of the Olympic Carrier replied. Boomer smiled relieved at hearing the Pilot's voice.

"Roger that, Olympic Carrier. Can I ask about you whereabouts?" She questioned.

"We had trouble with our FTL-Drive. Took us almost three hours to fix." The Pilot answered while his ship quickly went on approaching the fleet.

"Boomer, Galactica." Dualla cut in from CIC. "Galactica Actual wants you to ask them how they escaped the Cylons."

"You got me." The Pilot answered after Boomer had passed on the question. "They were closing in on us when the rest of you were jumping. I thought we were goners, then they just broke off. Someone must have been watching out for us."

"Roger that." Boomer looked at Crashdown wondering. Why would the Cylons just let them go?

"One other thing, Boomer." The Pilot went on. "I've got a Dr. Amarak on board, he claims he has an urgent matter to discuss with the President. He's been driving me crazy."

"Olympic Carrier, can you be more specific?" Boomer asked.

"I'm afraid I can't. He says he knows something about a traitor in our midst and he's unwilling to share more than that." The Pilot replied.

Boomer suddenly felt nervous as she listened to the Pilot's last words. For some reason she wished the Olympic Carrier had never appeared again. But that was ridiculous. There were over 1.300 people on board that ship. She had been as shocked as everyone else when she heard they had been lost. And know she wished for them to stay lost? She shook her head to get a clear mind again. Of course she wasglad they were all alive and safe. It was probably just that talk about a traitor within the fleet that had made her nervous.

"Boomer, Galactica." Dee interrupted her thoughts. "Your orders are to jam all transmissions from the Olympic Carrier. No further voice contact is authorized."

"Roger that, Galactica." Boomer replied confused. She got even more confused when she got ordered to send a message to the Olympic Carrier by signal light that they should maintain their present position and were not allowed to approach the fleet until further notice. Boomer send the signals as she had been ordered but the Olympic Carrier just carried on approaching the fleet.

"I don't think they got the message, Apollo." Starbuck said over the comm. She had a bad feeling about this. They had both been listening to the transmissions between Boomer and the Olympic Carrier. And something just didn't seem right.

"Yeah, I see it. Boomer, break wireless silence on my authority. Warn them to stop their engines immediately." Apollo ordered. He shared Starbucks feelings about this situation. Something was definitely not right.

"Apollo, they're not responding." Boomer called out after she had unsuccessfully tried to contact the Olympic Carrier again.

"Are you using the same channel?" Apollo asked.

"Yeah, but suddenly nobody's home." Boomer replied worried.

Apollo thought for a moment what they could do to make the Pilot of the Olympic Carrier understand the seriousness of the situation. "Starbuck, fire a burst across their bow." He finally ordered.

"Copy that." Starbuck replied, grinning mischievously. Then she turned her Viper around and fired a few shots. The Olympic Carrier didn't even slow down, let alone stop.

'Frak!' Apollo thought. "Boomer. Let Galactica know we have a problem out here." He had a feeling this would come to a bad end if the Olympic Carrier didn't start to follow their orders soon. A few moments later – exactly 33 minutes after the Olympic Carrier had appeared again - he noticed several Cylon Raiders appearing on his Dradis. "Frak." He called out.

"I'm right there with you, Apollo. What are we gonna do know?" Starbuck wanted to know. She had hoped they had seen the last of the Cylons 3 hours ago.

"Cylons, on intercept course. They'll be in weapons range within two minutes." Crashdown announced. Suddenly his console starting beeping. "Frak me! Radiological alarm!" He called out. Terrified he looked on his screen. The radiological alarm came directly from the Olympic Carrier. How was that even possible?

"We have new orders." Boomer transmitted to Apollo and Starbuck after a few moments. "We are directed to ... destroy the Olympic Carrier and return to Galactica." Shocked she turned around to Crashdown. But suddenly she felt a wave of relief flash over her. The traitor, the Pilot had spoken of before, would stay undetected. And then she was even more shocked over her own feelings than over the orders she had just passed on. What was wrong with her?

"It's a civilian ship!" Starbuck called out in disbelief.

"Yeah, a civilian ship with nukes." Apollo sighed frustrated.

He kept flying around the Olympic Carrier, trying to look inside through the windows. He couldn't see anyone inside the ship. He took a few deep breaths before he started speaking. He couldn't believe he was actually going to do this. "The Cylons will be here any second. If we're gonna do this, then just do it. Starbuck, form up with me. We'll make one pass from astern." He ordered. He hoped that just this once Starbuck would follow her orders without to object against them.

Both Vipers flew behind the Olympic carrier, ready to fire at every moment.

"Lee, what if you're wrong?" Starbuck desperately asked. She didn't think she could just fire at a ship if there still might be over 1.300 innocent people on it. "Lee, come on. Lee!"

Apollo took another deep breath and tried to swallow down the bile that was starting to rise in his throat. He suddenly had the same feeling as when he was sitting in Colonial 1's cockpit, leaving thousands of people on their sublight ships behind as the Cylons attacked that first day of war.

"Okay, fire on my mark." He ordered.

"No frakking way, Lee. Lee! Come on!" Starbuck shouted over the comm.

This was worse than on Colonial 1. This time it would be him pulling the trigger, not the Cylons. He swallowed again.

"Mark." He finally pressed out, hardly audible. Then he immediately started firing on the Olympic Carrier. Starbuck followed him only seconds later. They both kept firing until the ship exploded. Then they sat silently in their Vipers for a few moments, watching in horror the destroyed ship in front of them, before they returned to Galactica. They landed just in time. The Galactica jumped away as the first Cylon Raider came in weapon's range to the Galactica.

* * *

After Lee had returned to Galactica he felt like he was in a daze. He handed his helmet to some deckhand and climbed out of his Viper without really realizing what he was doing. Somehow he found his way to the briefing room. Before he entered he took a few deep breaths and tried to regain his composure. He would have to get up there in front of the pilots and act like nothing had happened. As if he hadn't just maybe killed over 1.300 people. He felt the bile starting to rise in his throat again. Just when he wanted to turn around he saw Kara standing next to him.

"I'd like a transfer, Sir." She told him in a tired voice. She looked as bad as Lee felt.

"All transfers in writing please." Lee said quietly.

"I'll go find a pen." She replied. She looked at him intensely and in her eyes he saw the same desperation he felt inside of him. They looked at each other for a short moment without saying another word. They didn't have to. Somehow with bringing up this usual banter between them Kara had given him some of his strength back, at least for now. He wasn't alone in this. He nodded at her shortly and together they stepped into the briefing room.

Kara watched Lee as he talked to the pilots. His all too familiar mask had slipped over his face again and he didn't show any emotions at all. He acted as if nothing had happened. The great CAG who could get shocked by nothing. She could see the pilots were falling for this act and it gave them comfort. If the CAG was all right with what happened then they didn't need to worry about it. But she had seen the desperation in Lee's eyes a few minutes ago. She knew that he wasn't okay. Just like she wasn't.

After the briefing was over Kara stayed behind and waited for the pilots to leave. Then she turned to Lee.

"Did we do the right thing?"

Lee knew exactly what she meant but he couldn't talk about this now, not even with her.

"We're both tired and exhausted. Take a shower and get some sleep." He replied without looking up from the papers in his hands. When he noticed that she was still standing in front of him, frozen in her tracks as it seemed to him, he finally looked up at her. The sad and desperate look on her face almost broke his heart. Kara seldom showed this vulnerable side of her but this time it seemed she couldn't hide it any longer. He wished he could help her with this.

"You can take the showers in my quarter if you want." He told her. "I still have to finish the roster for the next few days so you can take your time." This was all he could give her. He knew it wasn't enough to make the sick feeling go away, but right now he couldn't do much more for her.

"Just leave me some warm water, okay?" He forced himself to smile at her before turning back to his papers.

Kara let out a deep sigh she had been holding these last few seconds while Lee was talking. She knew he was just offering this to her so she would let go of it. For a moment she considered to ignore his offer and try to talk to him. But the thought of a hot shower all for herself was just too tempting. She sighed. She was such a weak person.

"Thanks." She said. Then she turned around and left the briefing room.

On her way to Lee's quarter she suddenly realized that she would meet Alicia again. She stopped in her tracks. For a moment she considered turning around and using the general showers after all. But then she would run into several pilots who would all want to know what really happened with the Olympic Carrier. If she went to Lee's quarter she would just have to change a few nice words with Alicia and then she would have the shower all for herself. And maybe Lee would be back already when she got out. Kara finally decided to go with the latter alternative and went on to Lee's quarter.

* * *

About an hour after Kara left Lee had finally finished the new pilot roster. While he was writing the roster down on the board he noticed the Commander walking into the room.

"Sir." Lee said quietly without looking at his father.

"Son." Adama replied while stepping closer. He looked at Lee for a few moments. He could see that Lee was having trouble coping with what had happened today. "I gave the order. It was my responsibility." He said. He wanted to take some of the blame that his son was feeling of his shoulders.

Raising an eyebrow Lee looked at his father. "I pulled the trigger. That's mine." Then he turned his attention back on the board in front of him. Sadly Adama looked at his son. He wanted to help him but he just couldn't find the right words. Somehow he never could when it came to Lee.

* * *

Hours after the destruction of the Olympic Carrier Lee finally went back to his quarters. He was relieved to find his wife and daughter both deep asleep. Exhausted he took of his uniform and quietly got into bed, careful not to wake his sleeping wife.

"Lee ..." Alicia asked in a sleepy voice. She had woken up the second she felt Lee lie down next to her.

"Hey. Get back to sleep. It's already late." Lee told her quietly, hoping that she didn't want to talk to him right now. It would be understandable if she would want to, after all, they had hardly seen each other the past few days. But he was too exhausted to talk now.

"Are you all right? I heard a civilian ship got destroyed ..." Alicia began.

"Let's talk about that some other time, okay? I'm really tired." Lee interrupted her in a harsh voice. He immediately regretted his harsh words but the Olympic Carrier wasn't something he wanted to discuss now. Without another word he turned around, away from Alicia. He stared into the darkness around him for a few minutes before he finally closed his eyes. Immediately images of the exploding ship appeared in front of his eyes. He groaned slightly.

"Lee?" Alicia asked again worried.

He didn't respond and pretended to be asleep already. He knew she could tell he was still awake. For some reason she always knew these things. He hated to act like this towards her but he was relieved when she didn't try to talk to him again that night.

Eventually Lee fell into an uneasy sleep. He dreamt of the Olympic Carrier. In his dreams he pulled the trigger again and again and watched the ship explode while he listened to the screams and pleadings of the people inside the ship. He finally woke up, shivering all over. Alicia also woke up when she noticed Lee shivering next to her. This time she didn't try to get him to talk. She just put her arms around him silently and pulled him a little closer to her. She held him tightly to her until the shivers stopped and he fell back to sleep.

TBC

AN: First of all, sorry for the long delay. And second, thanks for all the great reviews. They're really encouraging and helpful. I'm glad you all liked it so far and I hope you like this chapter too. Yannik, I hope you're not too disappointed about Alicia but I think her manic depression it a lot different from Lee's depression. Again thanks to everyone. Please keep reading and reviewing.


	5. Water

It was already late when Lee stepped into his office. He was surprised to find Kara sitting at his desk, her feet on the table and two bottles of ambrosia in front of her. Apparently she had already drank some on her own since one of the bottles was almost half empty already.

"Hey Apollo, wanna join in?" Kara asked, waving at the bottles. "You look like you could need a drink." She went on when she saw Lee still standing hesitantly at the hatch.

"And why would that be?" He asked with an arched eyebrow. Truth was she was right. He wanted a drink now more than anything. Maybe he could finally get some sleep after that without having nightmares about the Olympic Carrier.

"Bad dreams maybe?" Kara asked as if she had read his mind. "I can assure you, this really helps against those." She let out a harsh laugh. Then she put her feet off the table, took the bottle and waved him to come closer.

Despite the bad mood he had been in the last few days Lee had to chuckle at the sight in front of him. Apparently Kara couldn't sleep for the same reasons he woke up to every night since that day. They really weren't that different even if everyone around them thought so. Slowly he stepped closer and picked up the glass which Kara had already filled with ambrosia.

"These are my last bottles, you know. Didn't think I had to keep a stock with the decommissioning coming up. So you got to drink it with honor." She grinned.

"To your last bottles then." Lee said and poured down his glass in one draught. "That's good." He gave Kara back his glass for a refill and sat down.

Kara had an evil smile on her face while she hold the bottle over his glass. "You're not on duty, right? I don't want to be responsible if our CAG gets drunk on his shift."

"Don't worry, my shift ended five minutes ago. Now give me back my glass, Lieutenant." He ordered grinning back at her.

"Aye, aye, Sir." She laughed, handing him his glass, now filled with ambrosia again. And again he drank it out almost immediately.

They sat together like that for about an hour until the bottles were almost empty. They were both visibly drunk by then.

"So tell me, Lee. If your shift was already over when you came in here, why didn't you go to your happy family and enjoyed the evening?" Kara asked slightly slurring.

"Paperwork." Lee replied shortly, looking into his glass.

"Right, and that couldn't have waited until morning?" She kept on asking.

"Nope, I'm already behind." He answered, still not looking at her.

"Trouble in paradise?" Kara asked grinning. She had no idea why she kept pounding on this subject. Why should she care if he went to his family or not? It really wasn't any of her business.

"Paradise got nuked by the Cylons along with everything else." Lee replied, pouring down another glass. He bit his lip. He hadn't meant to sound so bitter. He hoped Kara was drunk enough not to notice the bitterness in his voice. But when he saw her looking at him wondering he knew he didn't have such luck.

"Everything's fine." He quickly went on before she could ask any more questions. "I just hate to be behind with paperwork. You know me." He smiled at her. Kara smiled right back at him but she noticed that his smile never reached his eyes. But before she could say anything to him he got up suddenly and tumbled slightly to the side. He let out a small laugh when he found his balance again.

"Now I know it's time to go home. You better hit the rack soon, too. We both have early shift tomorrow." His speech was slightly slurred by now too.

"You're the CAG. You can change that." Kara grinned at him.

"Not a chance. Good Night." Lee turned around to the hatch.

"Sweet dreams, Captain." Kara called after him. He didn't turn around to her again and just continued walking back to his quarter. He tried to walk in a straight line but he wasn't sure if it worked.

* * *

The next morning Alicia silently watched as Lee got into his dress uniform. He had hardly spoken a word the whole morning. In fact he had hardly spoken anything the past three days. He would come home late at night and fall into an uneasy sleep. He had nightmares every night. Alicia had tried to talk to him about it but he had totally shut her out every time she had approached the subject.

Last night he had even come home later than usual. And he had been drunk. He had told her that Kara had come by his office and they had shared a drink. Well, it had apparently been more than just one drink since he couldn't even walk straight anymore when he had stepped into the room. But he had slept through the night without having nightmares. So at least with that Kara had helped him. Alicia wondered if Lee had talked to her about his nightmares. It disturbed Alicia that he might have had sought help with Kara and not with her.

Alicia watched how Lee looked into the mirror inside his locker door. He stared at his mirror image for a second in self-disgust before he slammed the locker door shut. It broke her heart to see him in so much pain and not being able to help him. Before Lee could leave the room she quickly went up to him, put her arms around his waist and pulled him closer to give him a kiss.

"I love to see you in your dress uniform." She told him with a warm smile.

"Yeah, well, don't get used to it. There won't be many occasions to wear it anymore." Lee forced himself to smile back at her.

"Lee .." Alicia began again like she had the days before. She didn't want him to leave while he still felt so bad. She just wanted to hold him close to her and make everything all right again.

"I gotta go." Lee interrupted her before she could go on. He gave her a quick kiss and glanced shortly at his still sleeping daughter before he finally stepped out into the corridor.

* * *

Lee was on his way to the hangar deck to welcome the President when he ran into his father. Adama had arranged a military ceremony for the President since this was her first official visit to the Galactica. They walked together in silence for a while.

"You're awfully quiet lately. Is something wrong?" Adama asked slightly worried.

Lee hesitated a moment before he replied. He wasn't used to rely on his father with his problems. "I can't stop thinking about the Olympic Carrier."

Adama sighed. "That was three days ago. It's ancient history under these circumstances. Leave the second-guessing to the historians."

"But don't we have a responsibility? I mean, as leaders, don't we have an obligation to question our actions? To ... I don't know, to make sure the decisions that we make are the right decisions?" Helplessly Lee looked at Adama. As a child he had always looked at his father as a man who had the right answer to every question and problem. He would always do the right thing, no matter how complicated the matter was. As a grown man Lee knew that his father could make mistakes too. Many mistakes actually. But for some reason he wanted back those feelings from his childhood right now. He wanted his father to say the right thing and everything would be all right again.

"We did what we had to do, son. A man takes responsibility for his actions, right or wrong. He accepts the consequences and lives with them. Every day." Adama replied. He cursed himself silently. Those words sounded hollow now, even to him. He knew they were no consolation for his son. But he just didn't know what else to say. He had lived with those believes most of his live.

Sadly Lee looked down. He wasn't a child any longer and his father didn't have the right words for him anymore to make the pain go away.

When they walked around a corner Colonel Tigh approached them. He was still busy getting his dress uniform in order.

"Piece of crap." He yelled annoyed.

"You're in a good mood today." Adama stated dryly.

"Well, I feel like crap." Tigh mumbled. "Hold that." He handed his gloves to Adama while he tried to get his girdle in order. "She doesn't expect us to do this every time she comes onboard, does she?" He went on.

"This was my idea." Adama told him quietly.

"You? You hate these kind of things." Tigh looked surprised at his friend.

"We start treating her like a president, she may starting to feel like one." Adama explained. He just wished he had this ceremony behind him. He was feeling more like a tour guide a the moment then a Battlestar Commander.

When they had finally reached the Hangar Deck Adama turned to his son again. "I'd like you to come to dinner tonight with your wife and daughter."

Surprised Lee looked at his father. "Uhm, yeah, sure. Okay. We'll be there." Lee didn't know what to think of this. Since his father had send him away that night after the service Lee had thought he didn't want a personal relationship and he had tried to run along with that. But this dinner invitation didn't really fit in to a strict Commander/CAG-Relationship. He wished he knew what his father expected of him.

* * *

After the president had arrived Adama began to show her around the Galactica, starting with CIC where Roslin held a short speech to thank everyone for their efforts protecting the fleet.

Then Roslin listened to Adama while he quietly explained everything to her that was happening at the moment.

"Galactica's water recycling system is close to 100 effective. For all intents and purposes there's not one drop of water that's wasted aboard. We have enough water for several years before replenishing." Adama told her while Dualla was talking to the Virgon Express who just got their water resources refilled from Galactica's tanks.

"I see." Roslin replied.

"Many of the ships, like the Virgon Express, were not made for long-term voyages. They'll have to tank off of us periodically." Adama went on.

"Right." Roslin nodded. This wasn't really new information to her. Unfortunately they had the same problem on Colonial One.

When Adama got called away by Tigh Roslin turned around to Lee who had been standing right next to her the whole time. "He thinks I'm a total idiot, doesn't he?" She smiled at him sarcastically.

"What? Uh, no, Sir. No." Lee was taken by surprise by her sudden question.

"It's all right." Roslin assured him.

"Madam President, if I may?" Apollo went on. He didn't want Roslin to have the wrong impression of his father. "I think you should know that my father ... well, this entire ceremony was his idea."

"I know. I think he's enjoying it." Roslin sighed.

"Well, actually, he hates protocol pomp and all that." Lee told her, recalling the conversation he had heard earlier this morning between Tigh and his father.

"Really?" This time it was Roslin who looked surprised.

"He's making a gesture, trying to make you feel like the President." Lee explained. Roslin didn't know what to say to this. This was the least she had expected. Astonished she turned around and looked at Adama for a few moments.

Suddenly the Galactica shook slightly for a few seconds.

"Decompression alarm!" Gaeta called out.

"Damage report, Mr. Gaeta." Adama quickly went over to Gaeta's console.

"Ruptures in tanks 3, 5, 7, 9!" Gaeta announced, staring at his console in disbelieve.

Worried Roslin looked around herself while Tigh and Adama were giving their orders to get the situation back under control. Finally she got Colonel Tigh's attention.

"Every tank on the port side had ruptured. We're venting all our water directly into space." He explained in disbelieve while staring at the console in front of him.

* * *

Lee was on his way to the conference room where they would discuss the next actions after the explosions of the water tanks. He had stopped by his quarter to get out of his dress uniform. When he had told Alicia about the dinner invitation she had been really excited. She couldn't wait to finally see something different than just her quarter and the mess hall. He would have to think of something for her to do. She couldn't spend the next years sitting around in her quarter.

A few minutes later he sat in the conference room, listening to Lt. Gaeta's explanations about the tank ruptures. They had lost almost 60 of their water reserves which meant they had only enough water left for six days. And it would last only that long if they stopped supplying the civilian ships that depended on them. They would run out of water in two days at the latest which means that in two days one third of the fleet, over 16.000 people, would be dying of thirst.

When Gaeta was done he stepped of the podium obviously relieved.

"One more thing, Lieutenant." Roslin stopped him before he could leave the room. She clearly wasn't done with him yet. "Do you have any theories about what may have caused the accident?"

Hesitantly Gaeta looked at Adama before answering the President's question. "There are many theories at this point, Madam President." He shrugged his shoulders, apologizing for not being able to give her a better answer.

"Do you have a guess?" Roslin asked.

"I tell my officers not to guess. I prefer to wait until we have facts." Adama told her.

"Indulge me." Roslin said to Gaeta with an arched brow.

Again Gaeta looked hesitantly at Adama. That man's attitude made Roslin furious but she tried not to let it show.

"Take a guess, Mr. Gaeta." Adama said.

"Well, I would have to say the most likely explanation is that the tank was structurally weakened during the Cylon nuclear detonation during the first attack and then caused it to buckle and rupture. But it's too early to say, Sir." Gaeta explained.

"Interesting. Thank you, Lieutenant." Roslin finally released Gaeta. Relieved he quickly left the room.

Lee had listened silently to all that Gaeta had explained. He didn't think that structurally weakening was the most likely explanation. He remembered what the Pilot of the Olympic Carrier had said about a traitor within the fleet. This could have very easily been a case of sabotage.

Only half an hour later he found out that his suspicions had been right when Chief Tyrol told them they had found five detonation points within the tanks. He also said that Sergeant Hadrian, the Master-at-arms, had told him that six detonators where missing from an arms locker. That meant that one detonator was still unaccounted for.

"Chief, thank you very much." Adama released Tyrol who left the podium even more relieved than Gaeta had been. Lee was surprised to find the Chief so nervous. He had always had the impression Tyrol was afraid of nothing. Public speaking in a room full of officers and the President apparently didn't count to that.

"Everyone except for Colonel Tigh, Captain Adama and Doctor Baltar are now released. Please remember, this briefing is strictly confidential." Adama waited for the other people to leave the room before he went on.

"There is at least one Cylon aboard the Galactica." He said sternly.

"How many people know Cylons look like humans?" Roslin wanted to know.

"Rumor mill's been working overtime. Half the ship's talking about it." Tigh muttered. Lee could only agree to that. He still remembered how Kara had questioned him about the matter the last few days.

"There'll always be rumors and for most people that's all they'll ever be. I'm asking how many people actually know." Roslin clarified her question.

"The five people in this room, plus three marines." Tigh replied.

"Let's keep it that way, once this gets out officially, people will be accusing each other of being Cylons for no reason at all." Roslin ordered.

Lee bit his lip. He understood her reasons but he also thought that the people had a right to know. But it seemed he was alone on this.

"I agree." Adama said. "Doctor Baltar, how are we doing on the screenings?"

"Screenings?" Baltar looked up confused.

"You're supposed to be screening Galactica crew for potential Cylon agents." Roslin told him impatiently. Why did this man think he was allowed to stay on Galactica at all if not for those screenings? And now it seemed he wasn't even really listening to what was said to him. He really was a weird little man, Roslin thought.

"Doctor ... Doctor?" Adama looked questioningly at Baltar. 'Of all scientific experts that had lived on the Twelve Colonies this crazy guy was the only survivor?' He thought slightly annoyed. So much for bad luck.

"Oh right, the screenings. To tell you the truth, there are significant problems with implementing my Cylon detection method that I ..." He went on explaining for a while. Finally Adama interrupted him when he started using technical terms that no one except him understood. They finally agreed that Lt. Gaeta would help Dr. Baltar with the screenings in order for him to finish them sooner. But for some reason Baltar didn't seem too happy about this extra help.

'He really is weird.' Roslin thought again to herself. She couldn't know that everyone in the room shared her thoughts over Baltar at this moment.

* * *

Lee had been busy all day with handling the search for water, do his usual CAG-Job and help with the search for the still missing detonator. They hadn't found the detonator but they had found water. Relieved he wanted to just get back to his quarters a little earlier today and take a quick shower before he went to his father for dinner. Even though they had found water, it still needed to be distributed, so long showers were still forbidden. But he would take what he could get. Unfortunately the President had asked to see him so instead of going home he took a ride to Colonial One.

"Thank you for coming, Captain Apollo." President Roslin greeted him. She offered him a seat in front of her. When he had sat down she went on. "I am aware that you were in charge of the mission that destroyed the Olympic Carrier. I know what a hard thing that is to live with, for all of us. I'm struggling with it myself, frankly." Roslin looked at Lee. She had been watching him closely this morning and she had noticed he was in some kind of emotional turmoil. She had thought all day if there was anything she could do to help him. She owed him so much.

Lee hesitated a moment. He didn't want to burden the President with his own problems. But he felt the urge to talk about it and if she had the some problems then maybe talking about it would help them both.

"I can't stop thinking about it." He finally admitted. Then he remembered his father's words from this morning and he suddenly felt foolish about discussing his problems with the President. "But a man ... has to accept responsibility for his actions. He doesn't second-guess the choices he makes, he lives with them, every day." When he repeated those words they sounded even more hollow than when he had heard them spoken by his father.

Thoughtfully Roslin looked at him. She could clearly hear Adama out of Lee's last words. This man was unbelievable. It was clearly visible that Lee was struggling with the events of that day and he had told him this nonsense. Lee had probably been drilled with this military crap since he was a child.

"You know, I remember when President Adar send the marines into Aerilon. 15 people died." She looked intensely at Lee while she spoke. "In public, of course, he had to say all the usual things. He was sure of what he'd done, made the right choice, stayed the course. But he knew it was a mistake. And he kept the names of the dead in his desk drawer. He said that it was imperative for a leader to remember and learn from the mistakes even if they can't admit to them publicly."

"Do you think we made a mistake?" Lee asked hesitantly after a few seconds.

"I don't know." Roslin admitted. "I don't have a desk drawer yet, but I have a pocket." While she spoke she reached into her pocket and took out a small piece of paper. She handed it to Apollo. It read: Olympic Carrier.

"I don't want to add to your burdens." Roslin went on after a few moments. "However I have a request: I would like you to be my personal military advisor."

"I'm sorry, uhm ... my father is the senior military officer, he should advise you." Lee replied slightly confused.

"Oh, no, no, no. No ... I don't mean to go behind your father's back. Nothing like that. I'm not looking for military advise. I'm looking for advise about the military. That little inside about your father making a gesture, it really helped me. It made me reassess the man. I would appreciate more of those insights. And you can keep your day job as the C-A-G." Roslin explained.

"It's pronounced CAG." Lee corrected her smiling. She had pronounced every single letter of the word CAG.

"Do you see why I need you?" Roslin smiled back at him.

Apollo chuckled at that. Then he looked slightly worried at her. "Uhm, so, who's going to tell my father?"

"Well, ahem ... Uhm, I was thinking that that would be your first assignment." Roslin said grinning.

"Somehow, I knew you were gonna say that." Lee replied dryly.

"Thank you, Captain."

* * *

After his talk with the president Lee went back to his office. He knew he was already running late but he wanted to get this done immediately. When he stepped into his office he sat down at his desk and began writing. He started with writing down the name Olympic Carrier on a piece of paper, just like Roslin had done. Then he wrote down the name of every ship they had to leave behind that first day of war. After he had finished that he wrote down all the pilot's names who had died since he had become Galactica's CAG. It was a long list, too long for such a short period of time. And Lee knew she would get longer before this war would finally be over. But when he was done he felt better. Somehow the tension that had been inside of him these last days was gone. Relieved he took a deep breath. Then he put the paper back inside his desk. He hid it under some folders because he didn't want anyone to find it by accident. Finally he got up and left for his quarters. And for the first time in days he wasn't afraid to fall asleep at night.

But before he could get this long dreaded sleep he had to get ready for the dinner with his father. When he stepped into his room he found clothes spread out everywhere. Kara had given Alicia some of her civilian clothes so she would have something other to wear than the one outfit she had on when she came to Galactica for the decommissioning ceremony. They didn't fit perfectly as Alicia was a bit thinner than Kara but it was definitely better than nothing.

Lee looked questioningly at his wife but she just shot him an annoyed look. He quickly bent down to his daughter and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Did you miss me?" He asked her smiling. Even though he had seen her every day he hadn't really spent much time with her since she had been mostly already asleep when he had gotten home. He felt guilty about that and promised himself to pay more attention to her in the future. But Nia didn't seem to be angry with him, she just laughed at him and nodded her head. "Evvi sekent." She said. Lee had to laugh at that. It was her first attempt to ever speak this reply aloud. Proudly he put her into his arms.

"Lee, we're going to be late!" Alicia called out impatiently.

"Oh yeah, right." For a second Lee had forgotten all about the dinner. He quickly got up and jumped under the shower. When he got out again a few minutes later Alicia was still not sure what to wear. She tried on one shirt after the other but wasn't really satisfied with anything. Lee was glad he just had to throw on his uniform.

"Since when do you care so much about clothes?" He asked her confused. Alicia usually just needed a few minutes to look perfect. She just shot him another annoyed look and Lee quickly turned his attention back to his own getting dressed. After all he couldn't visit his Dad just in a towel. When he was finally dressed he put his daughter on his lap. She immediately started playing with his dog tag's again. Alicia still wasn't finished.

'Now who is late.' Lee silently thought to himself.

"Which do you like better?" Alicia asked while she held up two shirts. To Lee they both looked pretty much the same except for the color maybe but he knew better than to say that to his wife so he just picked one. When she was finally finished with dressing she turned to her husband.

"How do I look?" She asked excitedly. She was really looking forward to this dinner and finally spending some time together with Lee. She had noticed that he had actually smiled a bit this evening. Spending time with his daughter seemed to have healed some of his wounds. He should have done that before than she didn't have to spend the last three days worrying about him.

"You look great." Lee replied. "Can we go now?"

"You really think this is appropriate? He's a Commander after all." Alicia suddenly felt very insecure. She didn't want to offend her father-in-law on their very first family dinner.

"Tonight he's just my father. So don't worry. He doesn't care for these things much anyway." Lee shrugged his shoulders. He didn't understand his wife. She never cared about stuff like this before. She surely hadn't been so nervous when she had met his mother for the first time.

Alicia still wasn't quite convinced but she figured it was too late to change again. Relieved that they could finally go Lee picked up Nia and together they went to his fathers quarters.

* * *

"The food tastes delicious. Much better than what we usually get to eat in the mess." Alicia said smiling. They had only arrived 15 minutes late at Adama's quarters and so far the dinner went pretty good. Lee was actually surprised how comfortable he felt tonight being in the same room with his father. He hadn't felt like this since he was a child. That was one of the reasons why he had decided to wait until the next morning to inform his father of his new job as military advisor. He didn't want to ruin this evening.

"I told the cook I needed something special for tonight. " Adama replied. He smiled back at Alicia while he tried to wipe off some sauce of his sleeve. He had insisted to sit next to his granddaughter and now she was spitting most of her food on him. Lee managed to stop her most of the time but sometimes she was still faster than him. Laughingly he looked at his father who tried not to let Alicia know that his uniform was already almost half soaked by her daughters food. But Alicia was too excited to even notice. She kept talking about the last two years. Of the vacations she had spend with Lee and Nia, of Nia's first birthday party, their wedding, all the things that Adama had missed out.

Lee felt a stab of guilt when he noticed the sad look that sometimes shortly appeared on his fathers face after Alicia had told him another episode from Lee's life that Adama hadn't known of and probably never would have if it hadn't been for the Cylon attack. He seemed eager to learn about every little detail of the last two years in his son's live. And Alicia seemed to love the fact that she could tell all these things to her father-in-law. Lee had to smile when he saw her like this. He hadn't seen her laugh and talk so much in a long time.

After they were finished with eating they still sat together some time and talked about old times. They didn't realize how late it had become until Nia almost fell asleep in her fathers arms.

"We should get going. I think it's time we put this little girl in bed." Lee said while he smiled lovingly at his daughter. Adama was deeply touched to see his son with his daughter in his arms. He still wasn't used to the idea that Lee was a father himself now. He could see that Lee loved his daughter deeply. Carefully he hold her in his arms while they got up to leave.

"It was a lovely evening. Thank you for the invitation." Alicia said to Adama.

"I hope we can repeat this soon." Adama was already looking forward to the next family dinner. Even though his uniform was soaked in sauce he had fallen in love with his granddaughter from the first moment he had laid eyes on her and he was very fond of Alicia. But mostly he had enjoyed spending time with Lee. Adama couldn't remember the last time he had seen his son so relaxed. And it gave him a warm feeling around his heart to hear his son laugh again.

"I'm sure we will. Good night, Dad." Lee said smiling before he stepped out into the corridor.

Good night, son." Adama replied with a happy smile. He loved the fact that Lee had just called him Dad again instead of Commander.

* * *

"I'm glad you finally get along better with your father. He's a really nice man." Alicia said on their way back to their quarters. "Even though I still don't know why, it's good that you finally forgave him." She looked cautiously at her husband. She still didn't quite understand the sudden change in Lee's demeanor towards his father. For two years he had refused to even mention his father's name. Just thinking of him had made him furious. And all of a sudden most of these angry feelings were gone. She was convinced that it wasn't just because of the attacks that Lee had forgiven his father.

"Yeah ..." Lee replied quietly. He hadn't told her about Kara's confession concerning Zak's death. He didn't like having secrets from Alicia but he felt like he would betray Kara if he told anyone else. He had simply explained to Alicia that because of what happened since the attacks he didn't feel so angry towards his father anymore. They had all lost so much that there really was no sense in dwelling over this. He knew this explanation sounded weak and that she hadn't completely believed him. She knew him too good for that. But he was thankful that she hadn't pressed on and had let go of it instead.

* * *

The next morning Lee awoke refreshed and in a good mood. He had finally slept trough the night again without any nightmares and he still felt relaxed from the evening before. He had really enjoyed spending some free time with his father. It had felt good to be so close to him again, even if it was just for one evening.

When Lee slowly opened his eyes he noticed that Alicia was already up. That was unusual. Normally it was him who woke up earlier. He must have had missed more sleep than he had thought. He looked around the room. When he couldn't see her he quickly got up and looked for her in the bathroom – the only other room in their quarters. He found her cleaning the showers.

"Good Morning. You're up early." He bent down to her and put his arms around her shoulder to give her a morning kiss.

"Let go, I have to get this finished." She snapped at him.

"I'm sure that can wait a minute ..." He grinned at her.

"No, I want to get this done before Nia wakes up. And I'm sure you would be grateful not to have to use a filthy shower." She replied angrily.

"It's not filthy. You just cleaned it yesterday." Lee looked at her surprised.

"No, I wanted to clean it yesterday but they cut the water down, remember? Don't you see all this dirt?" She yelled and went on scrubbing the shower. Worried Lee looked at his wife. Something was clearly not right.

"Ali, are you okay?" He asked carefully.

"I will be as soon as I get this shower clean." She snapped. "Now don't disturb me. Go! Get your morning run done. I promise this will be clean when you get back." She didn't look up while she spoke and just kept on scrubbing.

Lee looked at her, now even more worried. But he decided it would be best to leave her alone for the moment. So he got his running gear and left his quarters. He would have to talk to Doc Cottle before his shift started.

* * *

Kara was already waiting outside his quarters.

"There you are, I was just gonna start without you." She grinned at Lee.

"Why didn't you come in?" Lee asked.

"I didn't want to disturb you. Now let's go. I already wasted enough time waiting." Kara said, then she started running immediately. Lee just shook his ahead and quickly followed her. They ran in silence for about half an hour.

"You're awfully quit this morning. Bad dreams again?" Kara finally asked.

"No, I slept through." Lee replied.

"That's good. Told you the Ambrosia would help." Kara grinned.

"Mhmm." When Lee didn't even look at her, Kara shot him an annoyed look.

"Is there something on your mind?" She asked.

"There's always something on my mind, comes with the job." Lee replied, still not looking at her.

"Okay, is there something special on your mind that might keep you worrying more than the usual?" Kara asked again.

"Did it ever occur to you that the reason I've been so quiet all morning is that maybe I don't want to talk?" Lee snapped at her. He immediately regretted his harsh words.

"Yes, I thought that could be the reason. I just decided to ignore it." Kara replied sarcastically.

Lee suddenly stopped running. He leant against the corridor wall and closed his eyes for a few seconds. Worried Kara stopped running too and came to stand next to him.

"Lee, what's wrong?" She asked quietly.

He let out a deep sigh before opening his eyes again.

"I ... Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you. There's just a lot going on right now. With the job and ..." He sighed again. "Did I tell you I'm the new military advisor for the president?" He gave her a small smile.

"Really? What did your father say?" Kara asked. She could already imagine the Commander's reaction to this.

"I haven't told him yet." Lee admitted.

"That's going to be fun. Can I be in the same room when you tell him?" Kara asked grinning mischievously.

"No, but you could tell him." Lee chuckled.

"Nope, I think I'm going to leave that to you. ... Is that really all that's bothering you?" She looked at him questioningly.

Lee looked at her sadly for a moment. "Have you talked to someone about the Olympic Carrier?" He suddenly changed the subject. Surprised Kara looked at him.

"Why?"

"You should. It's really helping." Lee told her.

"Maybe I will. I got to go hit the showers now or I'll be late for CAP. See you later." Kara quickly turned around and started to leave. Suddenly she stopped again and turned back to Lee.

"Would you do it again?" She asked hesitantly.

Lee thought about that for a moment. "Yes, I would." He finally replied determinedly.

"That's all I need to know." Kara said smiling. Then she turned around again and left.

Sighing Lee looked after her. Then he went back to his quarters.

* * *

When Lee opened the hatch to his room he could hear his daughter crying loudly. Quickly he went to her and picked her up in his arms. She immediately buried her face in his shoulders. Lee gently stroked her back and soothed comforting words to her until she calmed down.

"Nia, what's wrong? Are you hurt somewhere?" He looked worried at his daughter. He cursed himself that he hadn't checked on her before he left.

"Hungry." She looked at him with sad eyes.

"Well, we can do something against that, right?" He smiled lovingly at his daughter. "Can you wait a few more minutes? I just get some new clothes and then we get something to eat, all right?"

Nia nodded at him, already smiling again. Gently he put her on the floor and gave her her doll so she had something to distract her. It usually always worked. For a few seconds he watched his daughter feeding her doll with imaginary food. He had to chuckle at the sight. Then he turned around and went into the bathroom. Alicia was still on her knees, only this time she was scrubbing the floor.

"Didn't you hear Nia crying?" He asked her furious.

"What?" Alicia looked at him confused.

"Nia. Our daughter. Remember her? She sat in her bed in the next room crying! And she looked like she had been crying for quiet some time." He looked at her angry.

"I ... I was cleaning. I didn't hear her ..." Alicia looked so helpless that it broke Lee's heart and all the anger was gone immediately. He got on his knees next to her and took her hands in his.

"Ali, did you take your pills?" It killed him to ask that again and again. He knew she hated when he always blamed every problem on her disease.

"I did, Lee, I swear. Maybe ... Maybe these new pills from Dr. Cottle aren't helping? Please don't be mad." She started crying silently. Lee couldn't take this any longer. He put his arms around her and pulled her close to him in a tight embrace.

"Daddy!" He could hear his daughter calling from the next room. She was obviously done playing with her doll.

He looked at Alicia intensely. "I'll go to the mess with Nia and then I will talk to Cottle. Do you think you'll be alright until I get back?" He asked worried.

Alicia just nodded her head slightly without looking up. "I'm not done here anyway." She said in a small voice.

Lee swallowed hard. Then he got up and quickly changed into his uniform. "Come on, pumpkin, we're going to get something to eat now." He had to smile at his daughter's laughter. But his smile quickly faded again when his thoughts went back to his wife.

On his way to the mess he ran into Petty Officer Dualla.

"Good Morning, Captain. I was just on my way to you." She said, smiling widely at his daughter.

"Good Morning, Dee. What can I do for you?" He just hoped there wasn't another problem. He really didn't have time for this.

"The President has scheduled a meeting concerning the water crisis. She asked you to participate. Your shuttle leaves in one hour, Sir." She told him, still smiling at his daughter.

'Frak' Lee thought. This whole Military Advisor Thing was already coming back to him at the most inconvenient time. He suddenly noticed the way Dualla kept smiling at Nia. Maybe there was a solution for at least one of his problems.

"Uhm Dee, when do you get off duty?" He asked, trying to look innocently.

"In half an hour, Sir. Why?" She replied slightly confused.

"How much do you like Babysitting, Petty Officer?"

* * *

Fortunately Dee had been delighted to watch Nia for a few hours. Lee had been extremely grateful that she hadn't asked any questions. So after he had had breakfast with his daughter he had brought Nia to Dualla's quarters. She shared a bunkroom with several other officers and it was surely not the best place for Nia to be but he didn't want to leave her alone with Alicia for now. And he couldn't take her with him to an official meeting with the President. He had quickly explained the change of plan to Alicia before he left for the shuttle. She had still been busy with cleaning the bathroom. He was deeply worried about her and hoped that the meeting wouldn't take too long. He really needed to talk to Doc Cottle soon.

TBC

A.N.: Thanks everyone for the reviews. I hope you all like this chapter too. I tried to cut back more on the retelling part but I just found that some scenes were too important to just leave them out. Thank you for reading and please review. :)


	6. Bastille Day

A surprised Adama looked at Lee when he approached the Raptor to Colonial One.

"Good Morning, Captain. Is there a problem?" He asked his son.

"Uhm, no, Sir. The President asked me to participate in the meeting." Lee looked slightly uncomfortable.

"And why is that?" Adama asked confused.

Lee hesitated a moment. He had really hoped for a better moment to tell his father about his new job. "I'm her new ... military advisor. You know; explain all this military stuff to her that she doesn't know about. It's not a big deal, really. She offered me the job yesterday and I didn't have a chance to tell you about it yet." Lee stammered. He could see his father get angrier with every word he said.

"We spent the whole evening together yesterday. That would have been a good opportunity, don't you think?" He asked, fury clearly visible in his eyes.

"Uhm, well, that was family dinner right? Nothing work related ..." Lee replied lamely. He was relieved when Boomer told them to step onto the Raptor as they were ready to launch any minute now. This was going to be a very unpleasant meeting.

* * *

The meeting was even worse than Lee had expected. His father was already angry about him working for the President now, but when Lee had suggested using the prisoners from the Astral Queen to get the water out from under the ice he had looked furious. Roslin was against slave labour, so Lee had suggested the use of freedom points for their work. If the prisoners had enough points, they would get released and transferred to one of the civilian ships. Lee was supposed to talk to the prisoners about that which made Adama even more furious and he even went so far as to suggest that he wanted another member of his crew to accompany Lee: someone who would report directly to him. As if Lee wasn't trustworthy anymore. And then Billy had to suggest Dee to be that person. Lee could have strangled him for that. Now he would have to find a new babysitter for Nia. He seriously doubted that Alicia was feeling better by now. 

"Something on your mind, Captain?" Adama interrupted Lee's thoughts. They had both been walking in silence next to each other for some time now after they had come back to Galactica.

"I just thought maybe you had something you wanted to say." Lee came directly to the point. He didn't have the interest or the time to play games with his father.

"I have nothing to say to the personal representative of the President." Adama replied quietly, but in an agitated voice.

Lee let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm still Galactica's lead pilot." He said looking determinedly at his father.

Finally Adama stopped walking and looked at his son. "Well, I have nothing to say to him either. Every man has to decide for himself which side he's on."

Lee let out a short harsh laugh. "I didn't know we were picking sides." He said to his father in an angry voice. Then he quickly walked past him and turned around the corner.

Thoughtfully Adama looked in the direction Lee had left. "That's why you haven't picked one yet." He said quietly. Then he left for the opposite direction.

Frustrated, Lee walked along the corridor. He figured it wouldn't be such a good idea to ask his father now if he would like to baby-sit Nia for some hours. Sadly he thought of the dinner last night. It had felt so good to be close to his father again. He should have known that it wouldn't last long. He and his father had never gotten along very well. Why should that change now? Sighing he went on his way to sickbay to talk to Cottle about his wife.

* * *

"Good Morning, Captain. What can I do for you?" Cottle greeted Lee when he entered sickbay. 

"Good Morning, Doctor. It's about Alicia. I don't think the pills you gave her are helping." Lee said directly. By now he found it much easier to talk to Cottle about Alicia. He had always hated the fact to let strangers know about his personal affairs. Even when these strangers were medical doctors and supposed to help him.

"What happened?" Cottle wanted to know.

Quietly Lee explained how Alicia had acted this morning.

"She's been taking these pills for two days now. Have you noticed any strange behaviour in her before this morning?" Cottle asked.

"No, not at all." Lee replied. "In fact she was more than fine yesterday. I haven't seen her so happy in a long time. She laughed and talked so much and ..." Then it hit Lee. "I'm such an Idiot." Helplessly he looked at Cottle.

"Those were probably the first signs. In their manic periods people often seem to be more alive and content with themselves than usual. It's often hard to notice that at first as manic behaviour." Cottle explained.

"What should I do now?" Lee asked. He hated the fact that he had no idea how to help his own wife.

"I would like to talk to her, run some blood tests. Maybe she just needs a higher dosage." Cottle replied.

"Okay, I'll bring her here. Uhm, would it be possible if she stayed here for a few hours? I have to leave the ship and I don't want her to be alone any longer ... At least not now." Lee said quietly.

Cottle thought about that for a moment. "That shouldn't be a problem. What about your daughter? This is sickbay, not a kindergarten," he pointedly reminded Lee.

"I'll figure something out. Thanks Doc."

* * *

On his way back to his quarters Lee thought about what to do with Nia. There weren't many people on the Galactic he knew well enough to entrust with his daughter. He obviously couldn't ask his father. And with Dee leaving for the Astral Queen with him that left only Sharon and Kara. He thought about asking Sharon. He wasn't exactly friends with her but since they had been both practically stranded on Colonial One the day of the attack they had got to know each other a bit more. And she had already taken it on herself to look after the boy she picked up on Caprica during the attacks. Taking care of Nia for a few hours shouldn't be so difficult then for her. Then he remembered that Boomer still had patrol for the next three hours. That left only Kara. He had never really seen her as a children person. But he had no other choice. 

When he finally stepped into his quarters again he found Alicia busy repositioning the little furniture they had.

"Ali, hi ... What are you doing?" He asked slightly confused.

"Oh hi. I'm trying to redecorate the room. I don't have much to work with but I thought that if I put the bed here and the table over here it would look much better, don't you think?" Expectantly Alicia looked at Lee.

"Uhm, yeah. Sure. Listen, why don't you leave that for later. Doc Cottle wants to run some tests with you. To get a better medication."

"I don't need a better medication. These pills he gave me are just fine. I already feel much better." Alicia assured him and went back to moving the bed.

Sighing Lee walked over to his wife and carefully grabbed her by the arm. He wanted her to concentrate on him when he talked to her right now. "Ali, look at me. ... That's exactly the problem. You only think you're feeling better. This morning you didn't even hear your own daughter crying." It broke his heart to talk to her like this. But again he had no other choice.

"But I ..." Helplessly Alicia looked at Lee.

"Let's go to sickbay, okay? You can finish this later. We can do it together then, okay?" Lee said quietly.

Confused Alicia looked around the room. She didn't feel sick. But Lee seemed really worried. And she didn't want him to worry about her. So she finally agreed to go talk to Cottle.

* * *

After he had brought his wife to sickbay, Lee went to Dee to pick up his daughter. He still wasn't sure if it was such a good idea to leave Nia with Kara. But he was running out of options. 

Nia was excited to see her father. She had had fun playing with Dee but she was always glad to be with her father again. Lee felt as happy to see his daughter again. It still amazed him how much he loved his little girl. He never thought it would be possible to have such strong feelings for a person.

"We had a great time. I'm sorry I can't watch her any longer. Should you ever need a babysitter again, just let me know. I can't think of a better way to spend my off time." Dee beamed of joy when she handed Lee his daughter.

"Thanks. I really appreciate that." Lee said gratefully.

"Are you bringing her back to your wife now?" Dee asked. She had already wondered what could have hindered Nia's mother to watch her own daughter these last few hours.

"Uh, no, she's still not feeling so well. I thought I'd asked Kara." Lee replied evasively.

"Starbuck?" Dee called out surprised. "You want to ask Starbuck to baby-sit your daughter?"

Sighing Lee looked at Dee. "I don't have many other options, I'm afraid."

Dee was still laughing when Lee stepped out into the corridor and walked away to Kara's bunkroom. Dee's reaction hadn't been very encouraging.

* * *

"Hey Starbuck, you have a minute?" Lee called out for his friend. He was relieved to find her alone in her bunkroom. 

"Sure, what's up? Hey Nia." She smiled lovingly at the little girl on Lee's arms. "Are you spending some time with your Daddy?"

"Yes..." Nia laughed at Kara.

Relieved Lee noticed that Kara seemed to be very fond of his daughter. "Actually I thought you could spend some time with her." He carefully told her.

"What?" Confused, Kara looked up at him.

"I need to get over to the Astral Queen and convince the prisoners help us melting the ice. This is going to take some time and I need a babysitter for Nia." Lee explained.

"What about Alicia?"

"She ... she's not feeling so well. Cottle is running some tests on her. So, are you gonna help me?" Lee looked at her hopefully.

"Lee, I've never been alone with a kid. I don't know what to do." Kara looked at him slightly terrified.

"Oh, you'll be fine. Just get her something to eat – real food, no candy or anything, play with her and her doll, make up some games – child games, don't teach her any nasty words ... It's easy, really." Lee assured her.

"I don't know, Lee. I would really love to help you, but ..."

"Thanks, Kara. You're the best." Lee interrupted her quickly. Before Kara could say another word, he had kissed his daughter goodbye and handed her over to Kara. She was too stunned to do anything about it. And before she got all her senses back together Lee had already left the room.

"If you need anything, call me on the Astral Queen." He called back before he quickly walked away. He was still worried if this would work out. But he would be back soon. If he was lucky, he would already be back in an hour or two and could take care of Nia himself again.

* * *

He should have known he wouldn't be so lucky. Two hours later Lee found himself beaten up on the bridge of the Astral Queen, hurting all over. He had known something was wrong when Tom Zarek, convicted terrorist, had stepped out of his cell and all the prisoners had started calling out his name. He had thought it would be a smart idea to convince Zarek to help them and that the prisoners would follow him. Well, they did follow him, but not the way Lee had intended. They had started a riot and taken all non-prisoners hostage. Lee had been stupid enough to think he could stop them. The result was that his whole body was sore and he had a pounding headache. He really had no chance when ten or more prisoners had pounced on him. Now he was sitting on the Astral Queen's bridge and listened as Zarek tried to contact the Galactica. 

"They won't negotiate while you're holding hostages." He told Zarek. He hoped the others were okay. He had neither seen them nor heard them since he woke up on the bridge.

"I don't want to negotiate." Zarek replied smugly.

"Then what do you want?" Lee asked.

"To be treated like men, not animals. To finally have something to bargain with." Zarek answered.

"So, what happens now?" Lee wanted to know. He just hoped Zarek didn't plan on killing them all just to make an example. Kara would probably drag him back from the afterlife and kill him again several times for leaving her alone with Nia for so long. He wasn't really sure how much time had passed since he stepped aboard the Astral Queen as he had been unconscious for a while but he suspected it was longer than two hours.

"We're gonna talk." Zarek told him.

"What about?"

"Your father." Zarek answered. Lee gave him a surprised look. Then Zarek started asking him lots of questions about his father, his opinions, his relationship with the president. He obviously liked the fact that Lee worked as a personal representative for the president as well as being Galactica's CAG.

One of Zarek's men had finally been able to get out a transmission and called Zarek over to let Galactica know what he wanted. At least Lee had _thought_ Zarek was going to try and contact Galactica. He was surprised to find out however, that Zarek was going to hold a fleet-wide speech. He spoke about the freedom of the people, about masters and slaves before he came to the point of this whole hostage situation. When he started explaining his conditions for releasing the prisoners – the resignation of Laura Roslin and an election for a new government – Lee shook his head in frustration. Zarek was clearly crazy. This was not the time to elect a new government. They had just survived a holocaust and were still being chased by the Cylons. They were in the middle of a water crisis. People would start dying in a day or two. And this man was talking about elections.

When Zarek had ended his transmission he noticed Lee shaking his head in disbelieve over Zarek's words. Angrily he walked over to Lee.

"Who voted for Laura Roslin? You? Did you vote for her?" He asked Lee in an agitated voice.

"She was sworn in under the law ..."

"The answer is: No one voted for her. No one!" Zarek interrupted him. "And yet she's making decisions for all of us, deciding who lives and who dies. Is that ... Is that democracy? Is that a free society?" Zarek got more agitated with every word.

"What is it you want from me? You want me to say she shouldn't be President? We need a government. We need rules. We need a leader." Lee tried to persuade Zarek. But he could read in Zarek eyes that he might as well be talking to a wall for all Zarek was listening.

"We need to be free men and women. If we're not free, then we're no different than Cylons!" Zarek took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down again. "They call you Apollo?" Zarek looked at him with an arched brow.

"It's my call sign." Lee explained, confused over the sudden change of subject.

"Apollo's one of the Gods, a Lord of Kobol. You must be a very special man to be called a god."

"It's just a stupid nickname." Lee replied impatiently.

"Son of Zeus. Good with a bow, God of a hunt ... and also a God of healing. Now, a God can reconcile those two opposing forces. But a mortal has to pick one side or the other. Have you picked a side, Apollo?" Zarek looked at him expectantly.

Lee let out a frustrated sigh. This was the second time today that someone asked him to pick a side. Why was it so hard to understand that he could easily serve both sides? The military and the civilian government?

Suddenly Zarek was called back to the comm. The Galactica had finally answered to Zarek's transmission.

"Zeus is calling." Zarek told Lee with a devilish smile.

Lee couldn't hear much of the conversation but he could imagine what was said. Neither his father nor President Roslin would ever agree to Zarek's conditions. He had a feeling this would end badly.

Zarek came back to talk again to Lee. Again they got into a heated discussion. Lee suddenly realized that Zarek never had anticipated his conditions to be fulfilled. He wanted Adama to storm the Astral Queen and start a bloodbath. Zarek wanted to die as a martyr.

Suddenly Zarek was called away. Apparently there was some problem with the hostages. Quickly Zarek ran out of the room, followed closely by Lee. When they reached one of the cells Lee saw that Cally, a member of Tyrol's deck crew who Adama had chosen to accompany Lee on this mission, lay shot on the cot inside the cell. One of the prisoners was holding a gun in her direction while he was holding on to his ear that was bleeding strongly. He kept screaming that Cally had bitten of his ear.

"Open the door, she's been shot." Lee demanded while Zarek tried to calm down the prisoner, Mason he called him.

"You said that you weren't animals, what do you call this?" Lee yelled angrily. "He's gonna kill her. Do something."

Finally Zarek, who had tried to reason with Mason the whole time, turned around to Lee. "You did this; you put him in a cage! You made him a monster." He screamed at Lee. He was starting to loose control over the situation.

Mason looked as if he would shoot Cally any second now.

"He's gonna do it!" Lee called out. When Zarek didn't react he had enough. He couldn't just stand by and watch this man murder Cally. He quickly attacked the man standing next to him and managed to grab his gun. He immediately shot down Mason and then quickly pointed the gun to Zarek's head. Slowly he forced him to kneel down.

"How about it, Tom? You still have a death wish? You ready to leave this world, right here, right now?" Lee asked angry, still pointing the gun towards Zarek.

"Yes."

"Too bad." Lee went on. "Cause this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna tell your men to help us get that water off the moon. They're gonna work for their points and they're gonna earn their freedom, and then ... then ... you're gonna get your elections."

"What?" Zarek gasped in astonishment.

"Cause you're right Tom." Lee couldn't believe himself over the fact that he actually agreed with this terrorist on something. "You were right about democracy and consent of the people. I believe in those things and we're gonna have them. And you can have them too. Or you can have this bullet. Your call." Determinedly Lee held the gun even closer to Zarek's head.

"How do I know your father and the President will honour your word?" Zarek asked in disbelief.

"You don't. You let the rest of the hostages go, we'll leave this ship in your hands. They try and come after you, you can still have your last stand. It's your choice. You reap what you sow." With his last words Lee repeated what Zarek had told him earlier on the bridge.

He was surprised that Zarek actually agreed to this deal. He didn't think that his words would have any effect on Zarek but apparently he was not as crazy as Lee had thought.

When Zarek motioned his men to lower their guns, Lee opened the cell door and quickly went over to Cally.

"Okay, Cally, you're gonna be okay. You just hang in there, you hear?" He tried to calm her. Suddenly he saw a red laser point directed on Zarek's head. The marines must have found them. Quickly Lee jumped up and pulled Zarek out of the way only seconds before the first shot could be heard.

"Cease fire! Cease fire!" He called out loudly. Then he looked back down at Zarek to check if he was hit. Fortunately the bullet had missed him.

"Thanks." Zarek said quietly, still shocked by what had happened only seconds before.

Lee chose to ignore him for the moment and turned back to Cally who seemed even paler than before.

"I need a medic here." He shouted.

A few minutes later he watched as Cally was put on a stretcher and carried away. Then he saw Kara walking towards him, steaming of fury.

"What the hell did you think you were doing just then?" She yelled at him.

"Where is Nia?" Lee asked instead of giving an answer.

"I asked Sharon to watch her. Don't change the subject. Why did you save the bastard?"

"Sharon is on patrol, Kara!" Lee said angrily.

"No, she's not. Her patrol ended hours ago. Have you lost your mind completely? That guy held you all as hostages, threatened to kill you, almost got Cally killed and you save his frakking life?"

"Oh ..." Was all Lee said. He hadn't even heard Kara's last tirade. He was just relieved to find his daughter in good hands. He hadn't even realized how much time had passed since he stepped onboard the Astral Queen. His thoughts suddenly drifted to Alicia. Cottle had promised him to keep her busy in sickbay for some time but he had been longer away than expected. He had to get back and look after her. Without saying another word to Kara he quickly walked past her.

"Hey, are you even listening to me? Where are you going?" Kara yelled after him. When he didn't respond she quickly followed him.

"Where are you going?" She asked again as she caught up with him.

"Back to Galactica." Lee replied.

"Oh really? And why the haste all of the sudden?" Kara asked sarcastically.

"I need to check something in sickbay."

"You're worried about Cally, right?" Kara asked sympathising.

"No ... I mean, yeah, of course I'm worried about her." Lee said evasively.

"Don't worry. She's a tough girl, she'll pull through this. You'll see, in two days she's back working." Kara assured him.

"Yeah, I'm sure she will." Lee said. He hadn't even really listened to what Kara was saying.

* * *

When Lee entered sickbay he looked anxiously for Cottle or his wife. He knew that Cottle must still be busy working on Cally but he really needed to talk to him. He needed to know what was wrong with Alicia. And it worried him immensely that she was nowhere to be seen. 

"Captain Adama, why don't you wait over there? Doctor Cottle will see to you as soon as he has time." A nurse had approached Lee and showed him the direction to a nearby bed.

"No, I'm not here as a patient." Lee corrected her. "I'm here so see my wife."

"Oh yes, Mrs. Adama. She's still sedated and deep asleep. Some of your wounds really look serious. You should get them checked by the Doctor. You can see your wife right after that." The nurse told Lee.

He just looked at her in shock. "Sedated? Why is she sedated? She was just here for some blood tests!" He could feel the panic starting to rise within him.

"Oh, uhm, you really should talk to the Doctor. I'll ..."

"Where is my wife?" Lee interrupted the suddenly nervous nurse. He gave her his best Adama glare, so she finally showed Lee the direction where he could find Alicia.

Worriedly Lee approached Alicia's bed. He was shocked at her fragile appearance. She seemed almost lifeless as she just lay there before him. The only sign that she was still alive was her regular breathing. He stood frozen before her, not able to move or even take her hand. How could this have happened? She was just supposed to get some tests.

Suddenly Alicia began to stir slightly and her eyes fluttered open. Tired and numb she looked at him.

"Lee?" She was hardly audible and seemed to have trouble staying awake.

Quickly Lee moved closer to her and finally took her hand into his. "I'm here, Ali. It's okay. What happened?"

"I'm sorry, Lee. ... This is not how we planned things..." Her already weak voice broke and her eyes closed again.

Desperately Lee kept looking at her, holding her hand, willing her to wake up one more time, so he could tell her that everything would be all right again. Suddenly he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. He knew exactly who that hand belonged to. Slowly he turned around and found Kara standing next to him.

"What happened?" She asked in a quiet voice. Lee had seldom seen her so calm. It was funny how when one of them was on the verge of falling apart the other was always there to give comfort.

"I don't know. I'm waiting for Cottle. He's still in OR with Cally." Lee replied in a devastated voice.

"Is there anything I can do?" Kara asked.

Lee seemed to think about that for a while. Seeing Alicia like that made it hard for him to get a clear mind. "Someone has to pick up Nia. She should be in bed by now." He said after a moment. The sad look in his eyes almost broke Kara's heart. She would have done anything right now to make him feel better.

"No problem. I'll get her from Sharon and put her in bed. We actually got along pretty well before I had to leave. To save your ass again, I might add." She grinned at him. It made her heart swell with joy when she saw Lee smiling at her last comment. It was only a small smile and it faded as quickly as it had appeared but it meant the world to Kara. "So, you don't need to worry about her." She assured him with a warm smile.

"Thanks." Lee replied grateful.

"Anytime." With that, Kara turned around and left sickbay.

Two hours later Cottle finally came to Alicia's bed. Questioningly Lee looked at him.

Cottle didn't skirt around the issue and came right to the point. "When she heard about the hostage situation, she ... well, to say it blunt, she freaked out. She started to get aggressive, so we had to sedate her. I found it best to keep her like this until you returned. I'd also like to keep her here overnight." He explained quietly.

Before Lee could respond to this, he was called over the PA-speaker to report to the President on Colonial One. Sighing he looked at Cottle.

"Don't worry. She'll be fine here. But before you go I'd like to check on those wounds of yours. You look pretty beaten up."

"I'm fine." Lee tried to object but was immediately interrupted by Cottle.

"You're not fine. And besides, do you really want to step in front of the President with all that blood on your face?" He cocked an eyebrow at Lee. When Lee realized that he was still covered in blood, he just shook his head at Cottle.

"I didn't think so." Cottle commented dryly before examining the man in front of him, who kept shooting worried glances at the sleeping form of his wife.

* * *

When Lee finally stepped onto the Raptor to Colonial One his father was already waiting. He had apparently kept himself busy going over some reports. 

"Sorry, I'm late. Cottle wanted to check me up before I leave." Lee explained. He wanted to tell his father about Alicia but somehow he couldn't bring himself to say the right words. His father had been furious with him this morning and the fact that Lee's idea about using the prisoners as workers had backfired in such a bad way probably hadn't lightened his mood.

"Are you all right, son?" Adama looked worried at the bruises that were clearly visible on Lee's face.

"Just some cuts and bruises ..." His voice trailed off. His father seemed to have calmed down a bit. Maybe he had really been worried for Lee these past few hours? It was kind of hard to imagine. But even though Adama was calmer now, Lee knew that as soon as he told his father the details of his deal with Zarek he would be even more furious than this morning. He had already been more than angry when Lee had told him over the phone that he had given up the ship to the prisoners. His father hadn't said much at the time but Lee had practically seen his icy glare over the phone. Their relationship just got better and better, Lee thought cynically.

"How is Cally doing?" Adama asked.

"She'll be fine. Doc said she's out of danger." Lee replied. Cottle had told him about Cally's condition while he had examined Lee.

"That's good to know. She's a tough girl." Adama was visibly relieved. He had always considered every member of his crew as part of the family. Unfortunately Lee still didn't feel to be a part of that.

* * *

A short time later Lee sat in the President's Office on Colonial One and waited for the expected outburst of his father and Roslin. He had just explained his deal with Zarek and none of them looked too happy about it. 

"I don't believe this." Roslin exclaimed shocked.

"It's unacceptable." Adama stated. Both of them shot angry and disbelieving looks in Lee's direction.

"It's done. Prisoners have full control over the Astral Queen. We evacuated all the guards and support personnel. It's their ship." Lee explained again. He had managed to do that much before he had headed to sickbay to see after Alicia.

"They're a threat to the entire fleet!" Adama hissed. He couldn't believe his son had agreed to this. No, not agreed, Adama thought angry, suggested it himself even.

"They've been disarmed. The ship has no weapons." Lee said determinedly. Why didn't they understand that this had been their only option?

"The ship itself is a weapon." Adama called out.

Lee sighed frustrated. "They're totally dependent on us for food, fuel and they've agreed to organise the workforce for the water detail on the moon."

"You've committed me to holding elections within the year." Roslin said infuriated.

"Madam President, with respect, you're serving out the remainder of President Adar's term. When that term is up in seven month, the law says there's an election. I only committed you to obeying the law." Lee looked at her determinedly.

"You are not authorised to make any deal ..."

"You sound like some kind of lawyer ..." Roslin and Adama both began exclaiming angrily.

"I swore an oath ... to defend the articles." Lee interrupted them. "The articles say there's an election in seven month. Now, if you're telling me we're throwing out the law, then I'm not a Captain, you're not a Commander and you are not the President. And I don't owe either of you a damned explanation for anything."

For a few moments there was complete silence as both Adama and Roslin looked stunned at Lee.

"He's your son." Roslin finally said to Adama with an arched eyebrow.

"He's your advisor." Adama looked fuming at Lee.

"An election ..." Roslin said thoughtfully.

Adama had enough. He started to walk out of the room. When he came past Lee he stopped for a second. "I guess you finally picked your side." He hissed. Then he shortly turned back to the president "Madam President." And without another word he left the room.

Swallowing Lee tried to regain his composure. Those last words of his father had hurt more than he was willing to admit. He knew his father felt betrayed by him. When he found his voice would sound steady enough again he turned to the president and excused himself before he left the room after his father.

* * *

Even though his father had finally seemed to accept the deal Lee made with Zarek he still refused to speak a single word with Lee. They had already waited some time to board their Raptor when they were told they had to wait another 30 minutes before they could leave for Galactica as there seemed to be a problem with their Raptor. Standing next to his silent father for the next half hour wasn't really what Lee wanted to do right now. He needed something to do or otherwise his thoughts would drift back to Alicia. He couldn't wait to get back to Galactica. 

He had one last glance at his father and decided to go back to the President. He could give her the chance to fire him from his advisor job. He figured she probably wasn't very satisfied with him anymore. Also it was important to him to make her understand that he hadn't meant to betray her. Or his father, but explaining that to him wouldn't make much sense right now. So he would start with the President.

When he had knocked on her door he was slightly shocked to see that she was already wearing a robe. She had probably been to bed already. For the second time this day he had totally lost track of time and was surprised how late it already was.

"I'm sorry. I can come back." He said quickly.

"No, it's all right, uh, come on in." Roslin replied calmly.

Hesitantly Lee stepped into the room. "I just wanted to say goodbye before I head back to Galactica. And to tell you, I hope you understand I wasn't being disloyal, Madam President."

Roslin smiled at him warmly. "I understand, you're upholding the law. I admire it."

"I believe in you ... and what you're doing." Lee went on. He was relieved that the President understood his reasons. "And for what it's worth, seven month from now, you'll have my vote."

Suddenly Roslin's smile faded and she looked very exhausted all of the sudden. "Could you sit? There's something I need to tell you." The sad look that crossed her face made Lee worry. After they had both sat down Roslin went on. "The truth is, I might not be here in seven month."

Lee looked at her slightly confused. "Are you planning a vacation?" He asked smiling.

Roslin sighed. "I wish. I told your father I ... had allergies, but I have cancer. I found out the morning of the attack."

Lee felt like he had been hit to the stomach. "I'm so sorry, Madam President. I ... I don't know what to say ..." His voice trailed of.

"I understand. I'm going to fight this, but there is a great need for secrecy." Roslin looked willingly at Lee.

"Of course." He quickly replied. He really was at a loss of words. After all that happened today he didn't think he could bear any more bad news. And this was a lot worse than just bad news. The situation with Alicia was already bad enough but the President ... Lee had always seen her as one of the strongest people he knew. For some reason she even reminded him of his mother. And know she had told him she would probably be dead in a few months.

"Whether or not I survive this illness, it is of great importance to me that there is a future for the people. And I fear that knowledge of my illness will erode hope, so this has to stay between you and me."

"You can count on me." Lee assured her.

"I know I can ... You're Captain Apollo." She gave him a warm smile. And despite the sick feeling that was spreading in Lee's stomach he had to smile back at her.

* * *

When Lee finally returned to Galactica he felt too exhausted to go back to sickbay. Alicia would probably still be asleep. There was nothing he could do for her now. And even though he had wanted nothing more these last two hours when he had been away from Galactica than to be with Alicia again, now he just wanted to see his daughter and hold on to her for a while. Right now she seemed to be the only good thing in his life. 

When he stepped into his office he found both Nia and Kara deep asleep. Nia was tucked in her bed and Kara had fallen asleep on the couch. Lee had to smile at the picture in front of him. He had never seen Kara look so peaceful before. Maybe Nia wasn't the only good thing in his life after all. Still smiling he got a blanket from the bed and gently put it over Kara's sleeping body.

"Oh hey ..." Kara mumbled in a sleepy voice, eyes only half open. "I should go ..."

"No, just stay. It's already late. You can stay the night here if you want." Lee told her quietly.

"Okay, thanks." She gave him a small smile before she fell asleep again.

Lee watched her thoughtfully for a short while before he went over to his daughter to check on her. She looked as peaceful in her sleep as Kara had. He sat down next to the bed and watched his daughter sleep. Back on Caprica he had used to do this for hours. He could never get enough of his little girl. To see her like this had always given him the feeling that everything would be all right again, no matter how messed up things were at the time. And again she gave him that feeling now. Lee suddenly felt more relaxed then he had in a long time, even despite his sore and hurting body and the facts that his wife lay currently in sickbay and the President just told him she would die of cancer. Tiredly he closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

Tbc

A.N.: A great thank you to Starbuck042786 for beta reading this chapter. It is so much better thanks to you. And also thanks to everyone for the reviews. I hope you like this chapter too. Thank you for reading and please keep reviewing. :)


	7. Act of Contrition

When Kara woke up she noticed a strange tickle on her face. Slowly she opened her eyes and found the smiling face of a child directly in front of her. Apparently the little girl had found an immense interest in Kara's nose and was inspecting it intently with her little fingers.

"Morning ..." Kara mumbled while she tried to figure out what a child was doing in her bunkroom.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead." She heard a familiar voice. Lee's voice. Suddenly she was wide awake and stared at Lee, confused. What was he doing in her bunkroom? But when she looked around herself she remembered what had happened yesterday and that she had stayed the night in Lee's quarters. Relieved, she fell back on the couch.

"What time is it?" She asked in a still sleepy voice.

"Almost 7.00 hours." Lee answered smiling. He had finally managed to distract Nia's interest from Kara and started to get her dressed for the day.

"How long until my shift starts?"

"Don't worry, you still got three hours left." Lee paused a moment before he went on. "Kara, I'm really grateful that you helped me out yesterday. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Anytime." Kara replied yawning. "That's what friends are for." She tried to ignore the fact that just being friends with Lee wasn't enough for her anymore lately. But those feelings were certainly just a sign that she was starting to go crazy. After all, Lee had been her best friend for years. He was Zak's brother. And he was married. Determinedly Kara turned around and tried to get a bit more sleep before her shift started. At least when she was asleep she wouldn't have these crazy thoughts. Well, unless you count in those weird dreams she kept having about Lee since he stepped aboard Galactica.

"Uhm, Kara, there's one more thing I have to ask." Lee looked slightly uncomfortable.

Sighing Kara turned around. "Don't tell me I have to cover your shift."

"No, no ... No, nothing like that. Uhm, could you watch Nia while I check on Alicia? It would only be for about half an hour. Dee wanted to come by then and pick her up." Lee explained quickly.

"When did you have time to ask Dee to baby-sit Nia?" Kara asked, confused.

"I met her about 15 minutes ago."

"You met her? What, she coincidentally walked into your quarters?" Kara felt even more irritated than before.

"I met her in the mess when I was getting coffee. I figured I could leave you two alone for a few minutes as you were both still deep asleep."

"Since when are you such a morning person?" Kara yawned again. Suddenly her head jerked up. "Wait, did you just say you got coffee?"

"Yes." Lee said grinning while he walked over to her and handed her a cup of hot coffee.

"Mmh, coffee in bed – or couch for that matter. Anyway, I could get really used to this. Isn't it part of the CAG's job to wake up his pilots every morning with a hot cup of coffee?" Kara asked teasingly.

"In your dreams." Lee replied laughingly. "So, can you watch her?"

"Yeah, yeah, just go. We'll be fine, won't we, Nia?" Kara smiled at the little girl. But Nia was already too busy playing with her doll to pay any more attention to Kara.

"Okay, I'm off then. Thanks again. See you later." With that Lee left the room and quickly went on to sickbay. He hoped deeply that Alicia had recovered by now and could go home with him. Home. It still surprised Lee that he had become accustomed so easily to his new quarters on Galactica as home. He had never felt that way about the Atlantia. But then again his wife and daughter hadn't lived there with him at the time, so he figured that was different.

* * *

When Lee approached Alicia's bed, he was relieved to find her not only awake, but already waiting for him impatiently. She still looked pale, but definitely not as fragile as last night.

"Finally, can I go home now?" She greeted him in a harsh tone.

"Good Morning to you too." Lee smiled at her. "How are you feeling today?"

"Like I could kill you! What were you thinking going on that prison ship? You could have been killed! Do you have any idea how worried I have been?" Alicia hissed.

"I can imagine. Actually I have been pretty worried about you too, so we have that in common." He cocked an eyebrow at her.

Alicia let out a frustrated sigh. At this moment Cottle approached the couple.

"Good morning. I'm glad to see you awake and healthy." He said smugly.

Lee looked at him questioningly.

"We gave your wife a higher dosage of the medication. She should be fine now. There might be some side effects like feeling tired, a few small headaches maybe. Should she feel worse than that, let me know. Oh, and I want her to take three of these each day for the next week. It should maker her calmer until the medication is fully working." Cottle handed a pill box to Lee.

"Excuse me, I'm in the room!" Alicia exclaimed angrily.

"Of course. And you are free to go now. If you'll excuse me, I have other patients to see. Good bye." Without another word Cottle turned around and left.

"Well, great, we can go home now." Lee turned relieved to his wife.

"Yeah, great." She said sarcastically. The she jumped of the bed and quickly left sickbay. Sighing Lee followed her out. They didn't talk the whole way back to their quarters.

* * *

"Where is Nia?" Alicia asked when she stepped into their room and found it empty.

"Dee ... I mean Petty Officer Dualla is watching her. She already looked after her yesterday while I was on ... while I was working and they got along pretty well." Lee explained quickly.

"Pretty well?" Alicia stared at him in disbelief.

"They got along great. There really weren't any problems. I could hardly get Nia to leave when I picked her up again." Lee clarified. He could understand Alicia. He wouldn't be too thrilled himself if she had just left their daughter with someone he didn't even know.

"And when is she bringing her back?" Alicia asked sighing.

"Her shift starts this afternoon. I thought I could leave Nia with her until then. That way you could get some more rest while I'm working." Lee replied carefully.

"You don't want her to be alone with me, right?" Alicia looked at him sadly.

"Ali, no, that's not it. I just think that until you feel better ..."

"And if I never feel better again? Are you going to keep her away from me forever?" The desperate look in her eyes broke his heart

"I'm not trying to keep her away from you. She'll be here again this afternoon. We can spend the rest of the day together, get something to eat in the mess, just relax together. But until then, yes, I think it would be best if she stayed with Dee ... Dualla, I mean." He sighed. It hurt to talk like this to his wife. But the truth was, he didn't feel comfortable leaving Nia alone with her now. He wanted to make sure these pills were really helping this time.

"Okay, fine." Alicia gave in sighing. She wasn't happy about it but deep down she knew Lee was right. This was what was best for Nia. When she looked up at Lee again she noticed for the first time the several bruises on his face. "Are you all right? You look awful."

Lee looked at her surprised. "I'm okay, just some cuts and bruises."

"How did it happen?" Alicia suddenly looked at him worried.

Lee chuckled. A few seconds ago it was him worrying about her. "I was stupid enough to think I could win against a bunch of escaped prisoners. The odds weren't really on my side." He let out a small laugh.

"That's not funny. Does it hurt?" She gently stroked his bruised cheek.

"Not anymore." Relieved to have his wife back with him, Lee put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him to give her a the kiss he wanted to give her since he got back from the Astral Queen. They stood tightly embraced for several minutes until a knock on the door interrupted this intimate moment. Sighing, Lee let go of Alicia and opened the hatch.

"Hey, sorry to disturb you, but did you remember that Flattop has his thousandth landing today?" Kara looked at him grinning. She knew exactly why he had forgotten all about it.

"Frak!" Lee called out. "I have to go, Ali. I'm sorry." With that he quickly stepped into the corridor and followed Kara who already ran a few meters ahead of him.

"You're the worst CAG ever!" She laughed at him as he finally caught up with her.

* * *

Three hours later Lee sat in his office writing the latest casualty report. They had lost 13 pilots due to an accident on the hangar deck. A frakking accident. They hadn't died because of a Cylon attack or an act of sabotage. It had just been some too old material that had killed them. They had been celebrating Flattops thousandth landing when a comm drone had cut loose. They hadn't even seen the drone coming at them. Lee had been a few corridors away from the hangar deck but he had still felt the explosion. He could still see their burned bodies lying on the floor, he could hear the screams filled with pain of those that had survived at first.

Sighing, he put his pen down. In half an hour he would have to step up in front of the remaining pilots. They were already so few and now the room would even look emptier. He had no idea what he should say to make them all feel better about today when there really was nothing to say. And he worried about Kara. She had hardly spoken a word after the accident and she had looked pale like a ghost. He suspected that it wasn't just her dead comrades that haunted her. This must have brought back memories of Zak. He had died in an accident as well. An accident that should never have happened because he shouldn't have been in that plane. A senseless death, just like the death of the thirteen pilots today. If this brought back memories of Zak for him, it must be ten times worse for Kara. She had been there the day it happened and she had watched when Zak – or what was left of him – had been pulled out of the burned out Viper.

Shuddering, Lee pushed away those thoughts about his brother. He had more current things to worry about. What he would tell the pilots, how he would keep Kara from falling apart and how he would explain to his wife that their afternoon together wouldn't happen because with everything that had happened this morning he had still tons of extra work to do, several CAPs to cover and new rosters to write. He had no idea how they were supposed to cover all necessary shifts in the future. He had already scheduled everyone for double shifts, including himself. But they couldn't go on like this forever. They needed new pilots.

Again he let out a frustrated sigh. He had no idea what he would do with Nia the rest of the day. Dee's shift started in two hours. Sharon had to fly double shifts due to the accident and the state Kara was in right now he couldn't burden her with his problems. And as much as he hated himself for it, he didn't want Nia to be alone with Alicia right now. That only left his father but if Lee had already much to do, his father would probably be drowning in work. Then he remembered a conversation between his father and Tigh this morning. His father had asked Tigh to cover his shift in CIC as he would be working in his office all day, going over reports and finding new pilots from the fleet records they had assembled so far. If his father would be in his office all day, Alicia and Nia could spend the rest of the day there. At least they wouldn't be alone then.

He decided to talk to his father right after the briefing.

* * *

Lee had been standing in front of his pilots now for several minutes. He was already done with all the necessary announcements and still couldn't find the right words when he saw his father enter the briefing room. Kara was right. He was the worst CAG in the history of CAGs.

"Attention on deck!" Crashdown called out. Everyone jumped up and quickly saluted their Commander.

"As you were." Adama said. Then he turned around to Lee. "May I?"

Lee wondered what his father was up to. But he felt relieved. Maybe his father would have the right words for this situation.

"Give me your eyes. I know this has been a hard day. There's been plenty of them lately. I can guarantee you there'll be more to come. Remember your self-esteem, your self-respect, and your self-worth. Hold strong to them, because people are watching. You're the guardians of the fleet. They need to know that they can count on you, even at a time like this." Adama said in a calm voice.

This was not exactly what Lee had expected. But when he thought about it, this was his father after all. He wasn't a man to give comfort. He would tell you what to do in his own words, to stay strong and do your duty. And he had done just that. When Lee looked down at his pilots he could see that his father's words had indeed made a difference. Instead of just sad and devastated, his pilots also sat proud in their seats. They would defend this fleet, no matter what happened. There was always time for grief later.

Adama turned to Kara. "Lt. Thrace, please report to my office in an hour." Then he turned around to leave the room without another word. Lee quickly dismissed the pilots and followed his father out.

"Commander ..." He called out. Surprised, Adama turned around and looked at his son.

"Is there anything else, Captain?"

"Dad, I need a favour ..." Lee looked slightly uncomfortable. He hated to play the father/son card, especially after their "disagreement" the day before about the whole Astral Queen affair but he simply didn't know what else to do.

"Go on." Adama looked at his son expectantly. He was surprised that Lee would suddenly ask him for a personal favour. It had been a long time since his son had asked for his help. It surprised him how good it felt to be needed by Lee again.

"You were going to work in your office again today, right?" Lee asked.

"Yes." Adama simply replied. He wondered what Lee was getting at.

"I thought that maybe ... Alicia and Nia could spend the afternoon with you in your office. They wouldn't disturb you much. Nia is usually very quiet. Give her her doll and she's happy." Lee had to smile at the thought of his daughter. But he quickly hid again behind his usual mask. He didn't want his father to know how important this really was for him. But the smile didn't go unnoticed by Adama. He also noticed how uncomfortable this conversation made Lee.

"After all that happened lately I would feel better knowing that ... that they're not alone all day. It would just be for today." Lee swallowed. Asking his father for help was harder than he had expected. He just hoped he wouldn't ask any questions.

Adama was surprised at Lee's request. But this was the first time in years his son had asked him for help and he wasn't going to let him down. And to spend some time with his daughter-in-law and his granddaughter wasn't really that bad. He hadn't seen them again since their family dinner. "Of course, that won't be a problem. I'll look forward to have some company." He replied smiling.

"Thanks ... Dad." Relieved Lee watched his father as he went on his way to his quarters. One problem solved. That only left another hundred more or so.

* * *

Hesitantly Kara stood before the Commander's quarters. She already suspected what he wanted from her. And she knew she couldn't do it. She forced down the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes. She couldn't let the Commander know how emotionally screwed up she felt right now. He might get suspicious and would start asking questions. And he could never know what really happened. What she did. If she'd told him, he would never forgive her. He would hate her forever and she couldn't live with that.

When she felt strong enough she finally knocked on the hatch.

"Come on in." She could hear Adama call.

Slowly she opened the door. "Commander." She stood straight in front of him and saluted.

"At ease, Lieutenant." Adama said smiling and motioned for her to sit down.

She knew he would come to the point any second now. Adama wasn't known for beating about the bush.

"I'm glad that Alicia is feeling better." She quickly said. This would only postpone the inevitable for a few minutes but she would take what she could get.

Adama looked at her questioningly. "Was she sick?"

Kara bit her lip. Frak, why couldn't she keep her mouth shut. Lee obviously hadn't wanted his father to know. Apparently he wasn't ready yet to fully include him in his life. Well, leave it to Kara Thrace to mess it all up.

"Well?" Adama wasn't planning to let go of this. If there was something wrong with his daughter-in-law he wanted to know. Maybe that was the reason Lee didn't want her to be alone today?

"Uhm, I'm not really sure what was wrong with her but she had to spend the night in sickbay. But she already got released this morning, so it probably isn't anything serious." She forced herself to smile at the Commander.

Adama could see that Kara felt uncomfortable about this topic. He should talk about this with Lee. Or maybe Alicia. Maybe an opportunity would present itself when she would come here this afternoon. He decided to drop the subject for now and come to the main reason he had asked Kara to come here.

"We have to start training new pilots." He told her.

Kara let out a nervous laugh. "There it is." She cleared her throat. "I, uhm, kinda thought this was about that. Uhm, I don't know if I'm the right person for this." She could feel her hands shaking and clasped them tightly together so Adama wouldn't notice.

"You know someone better?" He asked her with an arched eyebrow.

"No, no. But, uhm - there's almost fifty thousand people out there. You trying to tell me there's not one flight instructor?" She knew she sounded lame. There really wasn't a good reason for her not to take that job. Except for the one reason that she had killed her last student – her fiancé, the son of the man who was sitting in front of her right now.

"There's two. Civilians both. I need someone to teach combat tactics." Adama explained. He had known Kara would hesitate to get back to instructing. She still wasn't over Zak.

"You know, I don't know if I'd be any use to you. I wasn't the most patient ..." Kara began but was interrupted by Adama.

"Let's get down to it. This is about Zak. It was not your fault. You had nothing to do with what happened. It was an accident."

Kara closed her eyes for a few seconds. This was too much. She didn't think she could take any more.

"Zak passed basic flight." Adama went on. "He was trained and ready to sit in that cockpit. What happened to him could have happened to any qualified pilot. You know that's true."

It wasn't true. "Right." She pressed out.

"You did your job to the best of your ability. That's all I can ask. I need new pilots and I want you to train them." Adama looked determinedly at Kara.

She couldn't stand this anymore. But she couldn't let him down either. "I can do that." She quickly stood up to leave the room. She felt like she couldn't breathe anymore.

Adama could see she was struggling. He gently grabbed her by her shoulders and smiled warmly at her. "Just give them the attention and the professionalism that you gave my son. They'll be one hell of a squadron." Then he pulled her into a small, comforting embrace. Kara felt like she was dead inside.

* * *

"Daddy." Nia called out happily as she stumbled in Lee's arms. He had just stepped into Dee's bunkroom to pick up his daughter.

"Hey pumpkin." He smiled lovingly at her. "Hey Dee, thanks for watching her again."

"No problem. She's the sweetest little girl I know. And I can actually forget about the Cylons for a while when I'm playing with her." Dee said smiling.

"I know what you mean." Lee smiled back. His daughter had this special way of making everything all right just by being around. He changed a few more words with Dee before he left with Nia. He still had to tell Alicia about the change in plan. On his way to his quarter he thought about how he would tell her. She wouldn't be too excited about it. He decided to explain how important it would be for him to know that they were both safe and that he could understand her frustrations about it, but that it would be best this way. Yes, that should work. But he was sure she wouldn't like it. And he was right.

* * *

"Are you insane?" Alicia shouted at Lee. He had just explained to her that she and Nia would spend the day with his father instead of with him. "I don't need a babysitter. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my own daughter without someone watching over my shoulder!"

"I know that, Ali, it's just ... It's only for today. And I just don't have time to ... to worry about you ... I have to fly a double shift CAP and when I'm out there I have to concentrate 100 on the job." He felt like a bastard. He knew exactly how scared Alicia was every time he went out in his Viper. So much for talking to her calmly and respecting her feelings. He tried to ignore the guilt rising inside of him.

"All right, fine. But just today. From tomorrow on I will watch my daughter on my own. No more babysitters." She hissed at him.

"Okay." Lee sighed. This didn't exactly go the way he had planned but at least she had agreed. "We better get going then."

"You're not seriously thinking of bringing me to your father's door, are you?" She glared at him angry.

"Uh, I still have a few minutes, so I ... It's on my way anyway." Lee said lamely.

"Both your office and the hangar deck are in the opposite direction!" Alicia was fuming with anger by now. She was not a lunatic. She was perfectly capable of taking care of their daughter alone for a few minutes. What did he think she would do? Lose Nia during a two-minute-walk from here to the Commander's quarter?

Lee could see how angry Alicia was. And he could understand her. He was practically treating her like a child. So sighing he gave in. Surely his father would contact him if Alicia and Nia never showed up at his quarters. He cringed. He really shouldn't think like that.

* * *

After leaving his quarters Lee went to look for Kara. He really needed to talk to her about today and he didn't want to wait any longer. He found her only a few minutes later coming out of the rec room.

"Hey Kara, wait up." When she didn't respond he ran a few steps until he caught up with her. "Kara."

"Captain." She just stared straight ahead.

"Let's talk somewhere, okay." He held her carefully at her arm so she would look at him.

She shot him an annoyed look. "Don't you have CAP or something?"

"Yeah, but I still have a few moments. Listen, what happened today, I know that ..."

"I don't want to talk about today, Lee, all right? I'm tired and I want to get some sleep before my next shift." With that she quickly walked away.

Lee thought about following her but decided against it. He couldn't force her to talk to him. Maybe he had more luck when she had calmed down a bit. But he would keep an eye on her.

* * *

Adama watched thoughtfully as Alicia was playing with Nia. The little girl had found an immense interest in his ship models. So far Alicia had managed to stop her from touching them and he was quite grateful for this. He had invested many hours in building them and he couldn't get any spare parts should anything break. Then the thought hit him that there weren't any children's toys to get now either. Maybe he would give her one of his ships when she got a bit older. He figured he had to wait a few years for that though. That thought made him smile. It was always good to have something worth fighting for.

His thoughts drifted back to Alicia and what Kara had said about her earlier. Why hadn't he been informed that she had to spend the night in sickbay? Of course she wasn't a member of his crew but she was part of his family now. Didn't he deserve to know when something happened to her?

He had considered just asking her what happened. But he couldn't find the right words to start this conversation. Also she seemed to be fine now. She looked a bit pale and tired but after all that happened the last few days that was understandable.

"Nia, no!" Alicia's yell pulled Adama out of his thoughts. Smiling he watched how Alicia scolded Nia for grabbing at another of his models. He remembered how Lee had always loved to play with them too as a child. Nia really was his daughter.

He decided to take a break from his work and walked over to Alicia and Nia.

"Have you become accustomed to your new quarters yet?" He asked smiling.

"Yes, we have. I have to admit it was hard at first. I hardly got to see Lee. Not that it's much better now." She let out a sad laugh. "He leaves in the morning, shows up for a few minutes during the day and comes back late at night. I'm still used to having him around me all day when he wasn't on the Atlantia. And if he wasn't at home I still had Caroline to talk to. It gets kind of lonely to stay in the same room all day."

"Caroline?" Adama asked slightly confused.

"Yes, I'll be forever grateful to her for letting us stay in her house. I don't know what we would have done without her. She is ... was a wonderful woman." A sad expression flashed over Alicia's face as she remembered her mother-in-law.

"I didn't know you were living with her."

Alicia looked at him surprised. "Lee didn't tell you?"

"My son never tells me much when it comes to his personal life." Adama replied sadly.

"Oh, yes, of course, I know that, I just thought that he ..." Alicia closed her eyes for a moment. She had been so stupid. She had thought that Lee had told his father all about her disease and for that alone she had been angry at him. She had felt humiliated enough over the fact that he wouldn't leave her alone with her own daughter and her recent behaviour in sickbay. And that her father-in-law would know all about that had just made it worse. But apparently Lee hadn't said anything. He had kept their problems to himself. And his father really just saw this as a family visit and not as an obligation to watch over her. Alicia felt a sense of relief wash over her and she suddenly felt ashamed for her behaviour towards Lee. He was just looking out for her and Nia, as he had always done. She knew that he would have left the military long ago if it hadn't been for her. She owed him so much and all she did was scream at him and make his life more difficult. She promised herself she would make it up to him tonight. From now on she would be the perfect wife he deserved. And she would be the perfect mother for Nia.

* * *

Alicia waited anxiously for Lee to come home. She had thought of several different ways of how to make up for her behaviour the last few days. But when Lee finally did come he looked so tired and exhausted, as if he would fall asleep right away. So instead of talking with him about everything that was on her heart she just pulled him into a tight embrace. She could feel the tension slowly leaving his body at the close, comforting contact between them.

"I love you, Lee." She told him with a warm smile.

He looked at her surprised. He had expected that she would still be angry with him. "I love you, too."

"You look exhausted. Let's get to bed. You're going to need the rest." She slowly began to unbutton his uniform jacket. Lee closed his eyes for a few seconds and enjoyed every moment as her hands slid against his skin when she pulled his jacket off of him. He wished he had the power left to do more with her tonight than just a simple embrace.

"It's okay, there's always time for that later." Alicia whispered in his ear. It always amazed him how she could read his mind like this. He pulled her close to him for a deep kiss before they both went to bed. 'Maybe they didn't have to wait until later?' He thought smiling to himself. But he fell asleep the second his head lay down on the pillow.

* * *

Lee awoke with a slight headache. Groaning he turned to the side. This day started just as badly as the last one had ended. Well, not quiet as bad, he smiled as he thought of how warmly Alicia had welcomed him home last night. He hoped that things would start to get better between them. All they did lately was fight and he really had enough of that. And the way Alicia had acted towards him last night showed him she felt the same way.

He carefully climbed out of his bed so he wouldn't wake up his wife. He threw a quick glance at his daughter before he went to take a shower. He regretted that he had to leave out his morning run. It would have been a perfect chance to talk to Kara. He had hardly seen her yesterday and with the service this morning and the workload waiting for him he wouldn't have many chances to catch up with her today.

When he got out of the bathroom, Alicia and Nia were awake as well.

"Good Morning." He bent down to give them both a kiss.

"Good Morning. How did you sleep?" Alicia asked concerned. He still looked as tired as he had last night.

"Too short." Lee sighed as he got on his dress uniform.

"You really need to get more rest, you know. You can't keep going like this forever."

"I know. I'm just getting used to the new job. I wasn't really trained for this." He let out a small laugh. "It will get better. I promise." He looked at her apologising. He knew she was feeling lonely being in their quarters all day with just Nia as company. And she hadn't even had that the last two days, he thought guiltily.

"I'm sorry I made you so much trouble. I promise I'll ..."

"You're not trouble, Ali, you're my wife. You got sick again because the pills weren't working. That wasn't your fault." He walked over to her and gave her a tight hug. "You have nothing to apologise for."

Alicia was going to respond to that when Nia suddenly started crying. But she was obviously just looking for attention as she stopped immediately when her mother picked her up on her arms. Lee let out a relieved laugh. It seemed things were really going to get back to normal.

"I have to go." He sighed. "I don't know when I'll be back ..."

"Don't worry. Take your time. We'll be here." Alicia gave him a warm smile. Smiling he kissed them both goodbye and stepped out of the room.

* * *

The memorial service was one of the hardest things Lee ever had to attend to. He kept seeing his brother's casket in his mind and the way Kara stood frozen next to him, she must have felt the same way he did. Or probably even worse. The service lasted over an hour and he was relieved to get out of the room again. His headache had gone worse during the last hours and he really just wanted a quiet place to hide. He decided to go to his office to do some paperwork. At least it would be quiet in there.

"Lee, wait a moment."

He turned around to see his father stepping up to him.

"I wanted to give you these folders of the new nuggets Kara is going to teach. They just landed and are on their way to the briefing room. Has she got everything prepared?" Adama asked.

"Uhm, yes Sir, I believe she has." The truth was he had no idea. He hadn't even had a chance to really talk to Kara about this whole instructing thing yet.

"Good, give these to her then." Adama hesitated a moment before he went on. "So, is everything all right with Nia and ... Alicia?" He hoped his question sounded as innocent as he had intended to.

Lee looked slightly uncomfortable. "Uh, yes, everything's fine. They're still getting used to their new surroundings. A Battlestar isn't really a perfect place for a child to grow up but ... other than that everything's fine," he assured his father.

Adama tried to hide his frustration. He had thought his relationship with Lee had improved, but apparently his son still didn't want him back in his life. When he reflected on their last conversations during the past few days that didn't even surprise him. Most of the time they had been arguing. And he had practically accused Lee of betraying him by working for the President. That really hadn't been very helpful. But he had acted as a Commander then, not as a father. Couldn't Lee see the difference?

"Son, I want you to know that whatever disagreements we might have on the job, I'm always there for you as a father." He said quietly.

Lee swallowed. "Thanks, Dad. I really appreciate that. Uhm, I have to go now. I gotta get these to Kara." He waved at the folders in his hands and gave his father a small smile.

Adama sighed. He had hoped his son might finally open up to him. But apparently Lee didn't seem to be ready for that yet.

* * *

Lee was surprised when he found the results of the test flights from Kara's nuggets already on his desk after he returned from his CAP later the day. Today had been their first day. How had she managed to evaluate them so quickly? He chuckled. Maybe they were lucky and all their new pilots were naturals when it came to flying.

He should have known they wouldn't be so lucky. He opened folder after folder and saw that every nugget had failed. He let out a frustrated sigh and went to find Kara.

He found her a few minutes later in the rec room getting a cup of coffee.

"What are you doing here, Kara? You can't wash them out on their first day."

"I just did." She countered.

Lee sighed. "Look, I've got forty Vipers and twenty-one pilots. That's it. We are sitting ducks until we finish water ops. We can't even maintain a CAP. Gods forbid the Cylons show up ..."

"Gods forbid. Let's bring in the next group of candidates." Kara interrupted him.

"The next group has never even been in a cockpit. They're starting basic flight." Lee said angrily.

"Well then they start basic flight, because that group is done. Says so right there, maybe you should read it again." Kara countered as angrily. Then she started walking out of the room.

"Lt. Thrace, this is not a request." Lee yelled after her. He couldn't believe her. They were running out of pilots and she didn't even give them a chance.

"Well, Captain Adama, I am the flight instructor, Sir. My word is scripture, Sir. I will not, repeat, not pass another student who isn't ready." Kara hissed.

"So that's what this is about? It's not them. It's Zak."

Kara froze for a second, then she stepped up close to Lee until they stood nose to nose. She looked like she would hit him any second. "Careful." She hissed.

"Step back." Lee ordered her. Then he sighed and let his shoulders sag down. "Kara ..."

"Just let it go, Lee. They're not good enough. I'm not gonna let them pass." Without another word Kara turned around and left the room.

* * *

A short time later Lee stood before his father's quarter. He still stood there for several minutes and still didn't know if it would be the right thing to talk about this with his father. It felt like a betrayal to Kara. He finally decided to talk to Kara again. Maybe she had calmed down and would be open for discussion. But when he turned around he saw his father coming towards him. 'Great.' He thought. 'I've been waiting around his empty quarters the whole time. This is just typical.'

"Commander." He greeted his father. He wanted to make it clear that this was just a work-related visit. He didn't want his father to ask any more questions about Alicia. He didn't like to keep lying to him about her but he wasn't feeling comfortable telling him the truth either. He didn't want to burden his father with another problem.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Captain?" Adama questioned.

For a second Lee thought about making something up but then he decided that it would probably be best to discuss this with his father after all. If he was honest to himself he just didn't have the time to chase after Kara.

"I would like to talk to you about Ka ... Lt. Thrace."

Adama arched an eyebrow. He tried to hide his surprise. His son sounded awfully official. "Is there a problem?"

"She flunked all her nuggets." Lee explained quickly as he followed his father inside his quarters.

"Starbuck says they can't cut it, they can't cut it." Adama stated.

"She's not giving them a chance. It's day one."

"She's one of the finest pilots I've ever seen in my life. If one day in the cockpit is all she needs to know if they can hack it or not, she got that." Adama had full trust in Kara's ability to evaluate these new pilots and it surprised him that Lee didn't have that trust in her too.

"I'm not arguing that, Sir. I'm just saying, I think she's letting her personal feelings cloud her judgement." Lee felt slightly uncomfortable about the direction this conversation was going. He hadn't really meant to bring his brother into all this.

Adama noticed Lee's uneasiness and it made him wonder even more what this all really was about. "Please sit down, Captain." He waited for Lee to take a seat before he went on. "What are those feelings?"

"About Zak." He couldn't look at his father as he said that. There were just too many painful memories when it came to his brother.

"We've talked about Zak." Adama said quietly.

"Y-you did?" Lee stammered. He would have never believed that Kara had told his father the truth. He still didn't understand why he had just forgiven Kara so easily but he never thought his father would ever forgive her for what she did. But obviously he really didn't know his father very well.

"We talked about a lot of things." Adama explained. "We've been aboard this ship for over two years, we know each other very well. When I asked her to be the instructor, I knew it was going to release a lot of loose baggage. She acknowledged it. She's a professional, she'll do her job."

"Okay. I'm just saying... you should talk to her. She's walking around with a lot of emotion. She almost decked me in the rec room." He rolled his eyes when he saw his father smiling slightly. "Right, you wouldn't smile if you were there."

"I'll talk to her." Adama said.

"Thank you." He paused for a second before he went on. He felt relieved to have one lie less standing between him and his father. "Personally, I think she's trying to work out her guilt over what she did for Zak. I think she's trying to make up for it by beating up on these guys."

"Guilt? Over what? What did she do for Zak?" Adama shot a confused look at Lee.

"I ... I thought you just said ..." Lee felt like a complete idiot. Obviously his father and he hadn't talked about the same thing. He should have known Kara would have never told his father the truth. It had taken her two years and the end of the world to confess it to him.

"What did she do?" Adama glared earnestly at his son. He wanted an answer right now.

"It's not my place to say, and I've already said more than I should've. You'll have to ask her, I'm sorry." Lee turned around to leave the room.

"Captain ..."

"Dad, you'll have to ask her." Now it was Lee who looked at his father earnestly. He wouldn't say one more thing. He had already said too much.

* * *

Adama sat at his office staring at the reports in front of him. He had been staring at the same side for over an hour now. He kept thinking about what Lee had said. It had sounded like Kara was somehow responsible for Zak's death. But that couldn't be true. But Lee had started to act like a son again shortly after seeing Kara again after two years of having no contact. Had she told him something that made him change his mind about who was responsible for what happened to Zak? But Lee wasn't angry at Kara, they had been nothing but friends from the moment he stepped on the Galactica.

He was relieved when he finally heard a knock on the door. That would probably be Kara. Maybe she could shed some light onto all this.

"Yes, come in." He waited for Kara to close the hatch behind her before he went on. "Lee was just here before."

Kara let out a short, harsh laugh. "I knew it."

"He thinks you washed out the nuggets without giving them a chance." He looked at her questioningly.

"They didn't cut it. That's it." She replied shortly.

"He thought you were... letting personal feelings cloud your judgement." Adama quietly said.

"Really."

"Your feelings about Zak." He noticed how Kara froze at the mention of his youngest son's name.

"That's not the case." He also noticed how Kara didn't look him into the eyes any more. Could it really be true that she was somehow responsible for Zak's death?

"Okay. ... He said something else. He said something that I would like to ask you directly. He said that you might have been feeling guilty about something that you did for Zak. What did you do for him?"

"I don't know, you'd have to ask Lee." Kara swallowed. She knew Adama wouldn't let go of it but the thought alone of telling him the truth made her feel sick.

"No, I'm asking you."

"Well, I don't, uhm, I don't really know what he was talking about, so..." Her voice started to sound shaky and Adama picked up on it immediately. He might have just known her for two years but he always knew when she was hiding something. In a way he knew her better than his own son.

"Don't fence with me, Kara. I love you like a daughter; I don't deserve that."

Kara felt like she would start to cry any second. But she forced herself to stay strong. It was time to tell Adama the truth about what she did and she would do it the right way. "Zak failed basic flight. ... He wasn't a bad pilot, he just had no feel for flying. And, uhm ... When it came to his final check ride, he busted three of the test manoeuvres. And I should have flunked him, but I didn't. The bottom line is that your son didn't have the chops to fly a Viper. And it killed him."

"You did it because you were engaged." Adama stared at her in disbelief.

Kara couldn't stop the tears from falling down her face anymore. The way Adama looked at her she knew he would never forgive her. The last two years he had been almost like a father to her and now he would hate her forever.

"Because I made a mistake. Because I was just... I was so in love with him, and I let that get in the way of doing my job. And, uhm, he... He just wanted it so much, and I just didn't want to be the one who crushed him." She tried to explain to him why she did what she did but she knew there was no excuse.

"Reinstate the trainees to flight status." Adama ordered in a cold voice. He had never spoken to her like this ever before.

"I will. I, uhm ... but I just, I want you to understand that I ..."

"Do your job." Adama interrupted her. He could feel his hands shaking as he tried to keep himself back. She had killed his son and for two years she had kept this from him. He had treated her like a daughter and she ... He closed his eyes for a second as he fought down the urge to strangle Kara right here and now.

"Yes, sir." Kara pressed out between sobs. By now she couldn't hold back her emotions anymore.

"And walk out of this cabin while you still can." Adama glared at her furiously.

Shivering and still crying, Kara quickly left the Commander's office. She promised herself that she would do anything in her power to gain his trust again even though she knew that he would probably never look at her again. But she would train these nuggets and make them to be the best pilots this fleet had ever seen, no matter how hard this would be for her. She owed him that much. But deep inside she felt like she didn't want to live anymore.

* * *

A few hours later Lee stood in CIC and watched in horror as Kara's viper disappeared from dradis. She had been out in space with the nuggets doing some more test flights when eight Cylon raiders had suddenly appeared. And in the typical Starbuck way she had tried to take them all on by herself. They had shot her down and her viper had gone down on a nearby moon.

Lee felt like the bottom of his world had just dropped out. They had lost all contact with Kara. He had no idea if she was still alive or not. He closed his eyes as a feeling of despair spread through his body. His best friend in the world had just gone missing. And he didn't know how he could go on without her.

A.N: I'm sorry it took me so long to update. Thanks a lot to laurie31 for beta reading this chapter. You have been a great help. Thanks everyone else for the reviews. They're very encouraging. I hope you like this chapter and please keep reviewing. :-)


	8. You can't go home again

For over 40 hours they had been searching the moon for Kara. They hadn't found any trace of her so far. Because of the turbulent atmosphere on the moon their Vipers broke faster than they could repair them again. It got harder and harder to justify the continuation of the search as the time in which Kara would run out of oxygen would be over soon. But neither Lee nor Adama were willing to give up on her yet. They even had pulled off the CAP in order to get more Vipers for the search.

Lee felt like he was on the verge of a breakdown. He hadn't slept for more than two days and it seemed that the persistence of himself and his father were the only reason they were still looking for Kara. But he had sworn to himself that he wouldn't give up on her. He would do anything to get her back. She had saved his life back on Ragnar – this time it would be him bringing her back. He had even gone so far as to almost attack Tigh when he had objected to pulling away the CAP. And just now he had lied to President Roslin, the woman he had put his trust into form day one of this frakking war, when he had tried to justify the use of more Vipers for the search.

He had just ended his conversation with Roslin over the phone and tried to push away the guilt for lying to her and everyone else when he saw his wife storming into the Hangar Bay. He watched her putting their daughter into the arms of a stunned Chief Tyrol and then coming straight towards him. She looked furious.

"Lee!"

Sighing Lee went a few steps towards his wife. "Ali, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What is wrong with you? What are you doing, Lee?" It took all her willpower not to yell at him loudly.

"I'm trying to find my best friend who crashed on this gods forsaken moon." Lee hissed. He couldn't believe she was actually angry at him for trying to find Kara.

"You're putting the fleet in danger. Everyone says so. You even pulled away the CAP. Who is supposed to protect us when the Cylons come back?" She yelled at him.

"Galactica is still here and it would only take a few minutes for the vipers to get back to the fleet." Lee countered. He knew he sounded lame and from the look in Alicia's eyes she knew too.

"A few minutes? It just takes a few minutes for them to destroy us all." She glared at him angrily. "Is she really worth it to risk your daughter's life?"

Lee sighed and looked at her almost desperately. All the anger he had just felt seconds ago was gone. "Ali, I can't leave her behind. I just can't."

Alicia was taken aback when she saw tears glistening in his eyes. The only time she had ever seen him crying was at his brother's funeral.

"She's more than just a friend to you, isn't she?" It was more a statement than a question and Alicia was surprised of herself at how calm her voice sounded.

"What? What are ..." Lee stammered.

"The way you've been acting since she disappeared ..." Alicia paused for a second as she tried to stay calm. "Do you love her?" She finally asked in a shaky voice.

Lee just stared at her stunned for a second. "I ... No, Ali, she ..." He let out a deep breath. "Yes, she is more than a friend for me. She was engaged to my brother. She was supposed to be a part of my ... of our family. She's like a sister to me." He tried to ignore his inner voice that told him that Kara was most definitely not like a sister to him.

Alicia was relieved at his last words and she told herself that there was really no reason not to believe him. He was her husband. He had chosen her long ago and he loved her. She already regretted her question.

"Lee, I hear what people are saying. The chances that Kara is still alive ... Not even she is invincible." Alicia said quietly. Despite all her anger she suddenly felt sorry for Lee. Kara was his friend, probably the only one he had left. And she had been a great help these past few days while she herself had been nothing but a burden for Lee. Kara had helped him through all this and it was just natural that he wanted her back more than anything.

"Sir, your viper is ready to launch." A deckhand had approached the couple and waited hesitantly for Lee.

"I gotta go." Lee said to Alicia then he turned around and walked towards his viper. Without looking back to her he climbed in and closed the canopy. He didn't care how many people told him that Kara's chances for survival were almost non-existent. He wasn't going to stop looking for her.

* * *

The next time Lee landed back on Galactica he was told to report to the Commander's office. He had been afraid of this. Kara had run out of oxygen a few hours ago. He had been surprised that the search hadn't been called off before. On his way to his father's quarters he thought about different ways to persuade his father of how Kara could still be alive. He couldn't come up with many options and those he had didn't sound very convincing even to him. But when he finally reached his father's quarters he found that it wasn't him he needed to convince. 

"The President has asked to see us. She wants to call off the search." Adama told him directly.

"We can't do that." Lee called out helplessly.

"I know. That's what we have to explain to her. But she's gonna press."

"I'm with you." Lee replied determinedly. He was relieved to find his father on his side. Together they anxiously waited for President Roslin to enter the room.

"President Roslin." Tigh announced the President as they both stepped into Adama's quarter.

"Madam President." Adama greeted her.

Roslin glared at them both angrily. "Skip the formalities, you both know why I'm here."

"Termination of a pilot's rescue mission is a military decision." Adama stated quietly.

"That's a bunch of crap." Roslin hissed. "This isn't military, it's personal. Neither of you can let go of Kara Thrace because she's your last link to Zak." She felt sorry for the two men in front of her. It was clearly visible how much Kara Thrace meant to them. She wished she could help them but she couldn't let them put the fleet in any more danger.

"You don't know anything about my brother ..." Lee called out angrily.

"Don't even begin, Captain." Roslin interrupted him. "You've lost perspective, as have you." She shifted her attention back to Adama. "Under normal circumstances it would just be sad that the two of you can't come to terms with Zak's death. In this situation, you're putting your pilots at risk and you're exposing the entire fleet to possible attack every moment we stay here."

"We've been at risk of an attack since day one. Cylons won't be missing the patrol for at least one more day." Adama countered.

"Colonel Tigh, how much aviation fuel has been expended in this operation?" Roslin asked coldly. She kept staring at Adama as she asked her question. There had to be a way to get them to understand that they couldn't go on like this.

"Forty-three percent of reserves." Tigh answered.

"Almost half. That's unacceptable. And operations in the moon's atmosphere have put one-third of your fighters out of action. That is also completely unacceptable." She went on.

"Crap. Unacceptable. Whatever it is you feel about this, the recovery of one pilot is a military matter." Adama stated angrily. Deep down he knew she was right. But he couldn't give up on Kara. She was not just his last link to Zak. Over the past two years she had become like a daughter to him.

"All right... it's military, fine. And you're both officers and you're both honorable men and you're both perfectly aware that you are putting the lives of over 45,000 people and the future of this civilization at risk, for your personal feelings. Now, if the two of you, of all people, can live with that, then the human race doesn't stand a chance. Clear your heads." She glared at them for a few moments before she turned around and left the room without another word. She hoped deeply that the two Adamas would come to their senses before it was too late.

Tigh followed the President out of the room, leaving Lee and Adama silent for a long while. They were both deep in thought. They knew what they had to do but neither of them seemed to be able to make the first step. Finally Lee pulled himself together and walked over to the phone. When he picked up the receiver he felt like something inside of him just died.

"Combat, stand by." It seemed to take all the strength he had left to say those words. Then he handed the phone to his father.

Adama hesitated a second before he spoke. "This is the Commander. Terminate search operations, bring everyone home. Prepare the fleet to make a jump into the next system. We're leaving." Adama looked at his son and in his eyes he saw the same pain he felt deep inside of himself. He walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulders. Right now that was all the comfort he could give to his son. He was hurting too much himself to do more.

* * *

Lee and Adama had walked silently beside each other for several minutes before Lee started talking again. 

"I want you to know, I think she's wrong. I think we have come to terms with what happened to Zak."

"I haven't." Adama said quietly.

Lee felt a stab of guilt spreading through his body. He felt like he was partly responsible for that. After all he had blamed his father for his brother's death and has refused to talk to him for over two years.

They had finally reached CIC and Lee was about to walk on towards the Hangar Bay when he suddenly stopped and turned back to his father.

"I need to know something: Why did you do this? Why did we do this? Is it for Kara? For Zak? For what?" He didn't know why he was asking this, he just felt like he needed an explanation, some reason that would make what they did right.

"Kara was family. You do whatever you have to do. Sometimes you break the rules." Adama replied quietly.

"And if it was me down there instead?" Again Lee wasn't sure why he had asked this. He wasn't even sure he wanted an answer to his question this time.

"You don't have to ask that." Adama stated earnestly.

"Are you sure?" Adama was surprised to see the hesitation in his son's eyes. Had they really drifted that far apart that his son would think he could ever leave him behind? He stepped closer to Lee and grabbed him on the shoulder. He wanted Lee to know that he really meant his next words.

"If it were you... we'd never leave."

The surprise in Lee's eyes at those words almost broke his heart. Before he stepped into CIC and away from his son he promised himself that he would do anything in his power to rebuild his relationship with his son. He never wanted Lee to have any doubts again that his own father would not leave him behind.

* * *

Lee had almost reached the Hangar Bay when he heard the call for Action Stations. He quickly ran to his Viper and waited anxiously for his launch clearance. They had waited too long. The Cylons had found them. If anyone died now at the hands of the Cylons it would be his fault. 

When he was finally flying in space he noticed that his viper had been the only one that was launched. Apparently his was the only one still capable of flying.

"I guess I'm going solo." He muttered under his breath. He figured that was just fair. After all he was partly responsible that they were still here. And it was just one Raider so far. He should be able to shoot him on his own.

Finally he had a visual on the Raider.

"Galactica, Apollo. Target in sight." He reported over the comm. He started firing immediately but kept missing. Whoever was piloting this Raider was a lot better than any other Cylon Lee had to fight against so far.

"Lords, this bastard's good." He called out after the Raider had escaped another one of his shots.

"Hold still, you little ..." Again Lee had the Raider before him. He fired but missed yet again. Suddenly he lost sight of the Raider.

"What the ... I've lost him! Galactica, I repeat: He is nowhere to be seen." Anxiously Lee looked around himself. When he finally located the Raider it was directly above him.

"Holy!" He gasped surprised. "Galactica, the Cylon is now flying in formation with me, right above my head. This thing is acting weird. Hook me through."

Just as the last words had left his mouth he saw the words "Star" and "Buck" written beneath the Raiders wings and he broke out in a relieved laugh.

"It's Starbuck!" He yelled. Right now he felt like his heart would explode with joy.

"What? Come again, Apollo." He could hear his father over the comm.

"Galactica, the Cylon Raider is marked "Starbuck"! It's written under the fraking' wing!" He yelled and laughed at the same time.

"Bring it into the bay! If it does anything, take it out!" Adama ordered him.

Lee could hear his father wasn't quite willing to believe that it really was Kara. But what other reason could there be for the word "Starbuck" to be written on the Raider's wings? It was Kara, he knew that for sure. "Will do, Galactica, but I tell you what: it has got to be her. This thing was flying with some serious attitude." He laughed out loud.

* * *

As soon as his canopy slid open, Lee climbed out of his Viper and ran over to Kara. The medics had just pulled her out of the Raider and put her on a stretcher. Within seconds he was at her side and watched the medics checking her for any injuries and putting an IV in her. 

"Did you miss me?" Kara smiled at him.

Lee needed a few seconds before he was able to reply. Seeing her again, alive and talking, had left him speechless for the moment.

"Every second." He finally said. He could feel the tears well up in his eyes again. But this time it weren't tears of despair, they were tears of relief. He had her back.

"Like my new toy?" Kara asked grinning.

"Boy, when you take a souvenir, you don't screw around." Falling back into their usual banter helped him to regain his composure. Breaking out in tears in front of Kara and the whole Hangar Crew would have been quite embarrassing. So instead of telling her how happy he was to have her back he kept to her joking manner. "Oh, my gods, you smell like a latrine." He teased her.

"Mmm... you want to give me a bath?" She laughed at him. Lee didn't give her a response this time. Right now he would have done anything for her.

* * *

Lee hadn't let Kara out of his sight until they reached sickbay. The nurses gently held him back when he wanted to follow Kara into the examining room. Now he was standing in the middle of the waiting room, unable to do anything but stare at the door behind which Kara was being treated. 

This was how Adama found his son when he came down to sickbay a few minutes later.

"How is she?" He asked worried.

Lee just kept staring at the door for a few seconds before he slowly turned to his father.

"She's alive." He answered in a shaky voice. Now that he knew that Kara was safe all the exhaustion of the past few days seemed to return to him. He suddenly felt weak-kneed and awfully cold. When he started trembling, he pulled his arms around himself to stop the shaking. Then all of the sudden the world around him began to spin and he couldn't hear his father talking anymore as the blood rushing through his ears got louder and louder.

Adama noticed how all color seemed to drain from his son's face. "Lee, are you all right?" He asked worried. He saw his son staggering to the side and quickly grabbed him by his shoulders.

The last thing Lee saw before he fainted was the worried face of his father as he tried to keep Lee from dropping to the floor.

* * *

Kara lay angrily on her bed staring at the curtain in front of her. She had been brought to this room hours ago and so far Lee hadn't even poked his head in. He had been by her side the whole time until she was brought into the examining room. And since then: nothing. She was just about to curse him out loud when the curtain was pulled to the side and Adama stepped in. 

Suddenly all her anger about Lee was gone and she felt nothing but fear spreading through her body. The last time she had seen the elder Adama he had practically threw her out of his quarters in fury.

"Hello Starbuck, what do you hear?" He smiled at her warmly.

Returning his smile nervously, Kara replied in her usual manner. "Nothing but the rain, Sir."

Adama saw the fear in Kara's eyes and he gently took her hand in his. He wanted her to know that there were no hard feelings between them. When he hadn't known if Kara was alive or not he had realized that he could never hate her, no matter what she did. She really was like a daughter to him and as a father he would always forgive her. And deep down he knew that it wasn't really Kara's fault. At least she alone wasn't responsible for what happened to Zak. For the first time he asked himself if Zak would still be alive if he hadn't raised his sons under the impression that the military – and even more being a Viper pilot – was the only right way for a man.

Pushing away those thoughts he turned his attention back to Kara.

"How are you feeling?" He asked in a calm voice.

"Been a hell of a lot worse. Don't have any ambrosia but the Doc can fix you up with some really nice stuff." She grinned slightly. She had seen the love in Adama's eyes. Even though she had no idea why, he had forgiven her. What was it with her and the Adama men that no matter what they did to each other in the end they always ended up forgiving each other?

"It's not bad, is it? The knee?" So far she had been afraid to ask the question. Cottle hadn't told her much but now she needed to know. And she knew that Adama wouldn't lie to her.

"Doc says it's too early to tell, but knowing you, you'll be fine." He assured her. "Kara..."

"Yeah?"

"You did good... you did real good. Need anything?" He asked.

"A stogie would be nice." She grinned.

"I had a feeling." Smiling he took out a cigar out of his uniform pocket and gave it to her. "It's my last one, so enjoy."

"Thank you." Kara could feel the tears well up in her eyes. It felt good to have someone take care of her. And she was glad that she hadn't screwed up in Adama's eyes.

"Get some rest." He gently stroked her hair and kissed her on the forehead. He remained at her bedside for a while and they stayed in comfortable silence until Adama noticed how Kara kept glancing at the curtain as if she was expecting someone. And he didn't have to guess to know who that someone was.

"I'm sure Lee would have been here if he could." He quietly assured Kara. The image of his son as he lay pale and lifeless in his arms kept reappearing in front of his eyes. He blamed himself that he hadn't noticed how exhausted Lee had been after all that happened. He should have made sure that he got some rest between his flights. But all he had thought about was getting Kara back safely.

"Oh well, he's probably busy with being the CAG and all." Kara cut into Adama's thoughts. She forced herself to smile at Adama. She didn't want him to know how much she dreaded seeing his oldest son and how disappointed she was that he hadn't shown up.

"Actually, he ended up as a patient here same as you." He quickly went on when he saw the shocked expression on Kara's face. "He collapsed shortly after you were brought to sickbay due to physical exhaustion. He has been searching for you the last 48 hours without taking a break. That plus the stress from the days before was finally too much for him so his body just shut down. But he's going to be okay. A little rest and he will be as good as new." He assured Kara with a warm smile.

Kara just stared at him. She had known that Lee wouldn't stop looking for her but to that degree? She swallowed once before she got her voice back to speak. "Can I see him?"

"The Doctor doesn't want you to leave your bed for the next few days, Kara."

"Please, you can put me in a wheelchair or something. I just want to see with my own eyes that he's all right. This is my fault after all." She noticed that the tears that she had tried to force down the last few minutes had started to fall down her face. She quickly wiped them away.

"This is not your fault, Kara. None of it." The way Adama looked at her Kara knew that he wasn't just talking about Lee anymore.

Kara looked so miserable that Adama couldn't bring himself to just leave her like this. But he was needed back in CIC. He had already spent too much time away when he was sitting by Lee's bedside until he was sure his son would be all right again. So he decided to find a wheelchair for Kara and get her to Lee. He was the Commander after all. And should his son wake up he at least wouldn't be alone now that Alicia had gone back to her quarters with Nia and he would be back in CIC.

He soon found a wheelchair and helped Kara out of the bed. Then he carefully pushed her into Lee's room. He was relieved he didn't meet any nurses on the way. He was the Commander of course but Cottle did in fact overrule him in all medical decisions. He would never admit this to anyone but he always tried to avoid making his ship's doctor angry. The man had a way to get back to people in the meanest ways. And Adama wasn't getting any younger. He probably would need the doctor more and more with the coming years if the Cylons didn't get to him before. And he didn't want to find himself on Cottle's revenge list should he ever need him.

* * *

Kara sat anxiously next to Lee's bed waiting for any sign that he might wake up soon. Her knee had started hurting about an hour ago but she didn't care. She just wanted to be near Lee and see for herself that he was still breathing. Even though Adama had assured her otherwise she did feel responsible. If she hadn't been so stupid to try to take eight Raiders on her own, Lee wouldn't be laying here. 

She thought back to the dreadful hours she had spent on that moon. While she had been falling down towards the moon she had wanted it all to end. She had thought that should she die now the pain would finally go away. She couldn't hurt the Adamas anymore. She had wanted to die. But the second she had realized that the crash hadn't killed her, the thought of Lee had kept her alive. For some stupid reason she felt that if she died on that moon she would let him down. And she had promised herself she would never do that again. So she had kept fighting. And thinking of Lee she had found a way back to the fleet. Only to realize that yet again because of her he had been hurt.

"Why didn't you take a break at least once, you stupid frakker?" She whispered in a shaky voice. Suddenly she saw him stir and his eyes started to open slowly. She immediately grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. She didn't want him to fall asleep right away again.

Slowly Lee came back to consciousness. When he noticed someone holding his hand he forced his eyes to open. He was surprised to find Kara sitting next to him.

"Hey, welcome to the living." She greeted him with a big smile on her face.

"Hey ..." He was surprised how weak his voice sounded and how hard it was to form words. He looked around himself and noticed that he was lying in a hospital bed. "Shouldn't you be the one lying here?" He mumbled confused.

"Yeah, I should, but as usual you stole the attention from me. You collapsed a few hours ago after I was brought here." She had meant to tease him at first but had sounded quiet serious at the end.

Lee tried to comprehend what she was telling him. "_I_ steal the attention from _you_?" He raised an eyebrow. Then her last words hit home with him. "I collapsed?"

"Physical exhaustion. Not that I'm not grateful that you took all the trouble on yourself to get me back but the next time make sure you don't get hurt in the process, okay?" The worry in her voice was evident even though she tried not to show it.

Lee didn't even bother to answer her. He simply felt too tired to talk anymore. He managed to give her a small smile before he closed his eyes again and fell back to sleep. Smiling Kara watched him sleeping. She would have been content to spend the night at his side, holding his hand and make sure that he was all right. But the night nurse destroyed that plan.

"There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you. Doctor Cottle is going to tear you apart when he hears that you left your bed. How did you get in this wheelchair anyway?"

Kara sighed. The way the nurse glanced at her she didn't had much chance objecting. "I had help. And I'm not afraid of Cottle." She replied smugly.

"Ha, you will be when he's done with you." The nurse laughed quietly. She didn't want to wake the Captain. She ignored Kara's annoyed glare and pushed her out of the room back to her own.

* * *

Alicia had hardly slept all night. She hadn't wanted to leave Lee's side but Nia needed her sleep and so she had reluctantly gone back to her quarters. She had hardly seen anything of Lee the past two days and right now she missed him more than ever. She would make sure that something like this would never happen again. She wouldn't stand by and watch how he worked himself half to death, no matter what was at stake. She would look out for him, just as he had looked out for her. 

She was surprised to hear a knock on the door. She never had any visitors since she came to Galactica. When she opened the hatch she found her father-in-law standing before her.

"Good Morning. I thought I come by and see if there is anything I can do for you." Adama said as he stepped into the room.

"Oh, that's very nice of you. But we're fine, thanks." Alicia looked slightly uncomfortable. Her quarters didn't look exactly tidy. Even though Nia didn't have many toys to play with she had managed to spread them everywhere around the room.

"Have you heard anything from Lee?" She asked as she picked up some toys from the floor.

"I spoke with Cottle before I got here. He woke up a few times for a couple of minutes. He expects a full recovery soon." Adama told her.

"That's good to hear." She paused for a second and looked down on her hands. "I wish there was something I could do to help him. So far I've been nothing but a burden." She whispered.

Adama wasn't sure if her last words had even meant for him to hear but he responded anyway. "I can't imagine that Lee sees you as a burden, Alicia. A blind man can see how deeply he loves you."

Alicia slightly blushed at Adama's words. She wasn't really used to talking about something this private with someone she hardly knew. Even if this person was her father-in-law. In situations like this she missed Lee's mother the most. She had always been able to talk to Caroline about anything.

"Maybe there is something I can do for you." Adama went on when Alicia didn't say anything.

"What do you mean?" She looked at him confused.

Adama took a deep breath before he continued. "I know that's really not any of my business but it came to my attention that you recently had to spend a night in sickbay. If you are sick, I'd really like to help. I want you to know that you and Lee can always count on me even despite the still estranged relationship between my son and me. So, if there is anything I can do, just let me know."

Alicia hesitated a few moments before she responded. She didn't feel comfortable telling Lee's father about her disease. But she couldn't burden Lee with this alone anymore. Should she get sick again, it would be good to know that he would have someone to rely on. Someone other than Kara Thrace. She was certain that his breakdown last night did not only result form the search for Kara but also from the stress and worries from the days before. So she took all her courage and told him everything that had happened.

* * *

When Lee woke up he found his wife sitting at his bed side. 

"Hey." He greeted her in a still sleepy voice.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Alicia looked at him concerned.

"Much better. I guess I really did need a break." He smiled at her shyly. The truth was he found this whole thing just embarrassing.

"The next time just say so instead of collapsing in your father's arms." She smiled at him. She was relieved to see him awake again, talking and joking. When she had seen him last night shortly after his breakdown he had looked so vulnerable that it had torn her apart.

"I'll try to keep that in mind the next time." He replied. Then he fully comprehended what she had just said. "My father's arms?" He groaned. This was just getting more and more embarrassing every second.

Alicia just laughed at his miserable expression. Lee might despise the fact that his father had witnessed his breakdown, but Alicia was grateful that he had been there.

"Where's Nia?" Lee suddenly asked.

"She's with your father." Alicia explained. She wasn't even angry about Lee's question. The way she knew Lee, he just missed his daughter terribly.

"Alone?" Lee looked so stunned that it made Alicia laugh.

"I think he can handle our daughter for a short time."

"He doesn't have much experience with children, you know. It's not like he was much around when we were kids." Lee looked really worried.

Alicia loved this side of him. He would do anything to protect his daughter. Anything, except for leaving Kara Thrace behind, she thought bitterly. Somehow she still felt jealous of the other woman. Pushing those thoughts aside, she turned her attention back to Lee and responded to his last remark.

"We didn't have much experience ourselves, remember?"

"Yeah, but at least we had my mother. Seriously, I don't think Nia would have survived those first weeks if she hadn't been there. I made one mistake after the other. It's a miracle I didn't drop her at one point." The second those words had left his mouth he wished he could take them back. He knew exactly how bad Alicia felt for missing the first weeks in Nia's life. She had gotten sick right after Nia was born and even though he kept telling her that none of what had happened was her fault, she still felt guilty.

"Lee, I'm sorry for everything. You gave up so much for me and I never ..."

"Ali ..." Lee tried to cut in but Alicia interrupted him.

"No, let me finish. I never really thanked you. You always took care of me, you never gave up on us, no matter how hard it got and I'm really grateful for that. Just three days ago I promised myself to be the perfect wife for you and only a short time later I yelled at you for trying to find your friend. I ..."

This time Lee managed to interrupt his wife. "Ali, I don't want you to be perfect. I just want you to be happy. And you have every right to scream or yell at me when I piss you off. I know I tend to do that pretty often lately." He smiled at her slightly.

For a moment they just looked at each other intently. Then Alicia suddenly started crying. "I don't even deserve you." She said between sobs.

"Don't even think that." Lee pulled her close and they hugged for a long time.

After a while Alicia calmed down again. "I think I better look for our daughter. As much as I trust your father to look after her, I don't think he can handle her yet when she gets hungry." Alicia said smiling while she wiped away the last tears from her face.

"Could you bring Nia with you when you come the next time?" Lee blushed slightly as he asked her. He didn't like to admit the fact that he couldn't spent one day without his daughter without missing her terribly. He had no idea how he had managed that while he was still stationed on the Atlantia.

"Sure, we'll come back this afternoon. When she has finished her nap." Alicia told him. She had to hold back not to hug him again. He was so sweet when it came to his daughter - like a whole other person.

"That would be great. I guess I have to stay here until tomorrow. I tried to convince Cottle to release me sooner but so far ..."

"Don't you dare walk out of here before he releases you personally. And don't even try to sneak out of here. I'll check on your release papers myself if I have to." She looked at him sternly.

"Okay, okay, I'll stay right here." Lee gave in. "But maybe you could bring me some paperwork ..."

"Yeah right!" She laughed. Then she gave him a quick kiss and left the room.

Lee looked at his retreating wife. He couldn't understand what had been so funny about his last remark. He just wanted to finish on some papers while he was here. It wasn't like he could do much else while he had to stay in bed. And he didn't think he could sleep anymore after all the hours he had been sleeping since Kara got back. But he figured she wouldn't bring any papers and she would probably kill him if he got anyone else to get them for him. So with nothing else to do he closed his eyes and tried to get some more sleep. He was deep asleep seconds later.

Tbc

A.N.: Thanks to laurie31 for beta reading this chapter. And thanks for all the reviews. They are really encouraging. I hope you like this chapter too and please keep reviewing.


	9. Litmus

Lee sat impatiently on his bed in sickbay waiting for Cottle. He had promised him that he would be released today, but so far he hadn't shown up to make it official. Just when he was about to jump off the bed and go looking for him, his father stepped into the room.

"You're not thinking of releasing yourself, are you?" Adama asked grinning. He knew exactly how Lee felt. It would be as hard for him to stay in bed all day in sickbay without having anything to do. And he knew for sure that Alicia hadn't allowed Lee to even glance at his still-waiting paperwork.

"I'm waiting for Cottle. He said I could go today." Lee let out a frustrated sigh.

"I'm sure he'll be here any minute." Adama assured him. The truth was, he had just spoken to Cottle and had asked him to wait a few minutes as he wanted to talk to Lee without anyone disturbing them. And without Lee having the chance to leave the room.

"I spoke with Alicia yesterday." Adama went on.

"Oh, uhm, good .." Lee wasn't quite sure where his father was going with this and waited for him to continue.

"She told me about her disease and her relapse a few days ago. She also told me that you had hardly any sleep at all because of that. Well, and because everything else that happened lately, of course. It's no wonder you collapsed."

Blushing Lee looked at his father. "Look, Dad, I didn't ..."

"I really wish you had come to me, Lee. I'm your father. What I told you a few days ago, that you can always come to me with everything, I really meant that." Adama looked intently at his son.

"I know. I ... I guess I'm just not quite used to that yet." Lee said quietly.

For a few moments they both kept quiet, searching for the right words to say.

"I found a babysitter for you." Adama finally broke the silence.

"What?" Lee looked confused at his father.

"Alicia is going to work here in sickbay for a few hours a day. She can't sit around her quarters all day, she would go stir crazy with the time. I know she is not a trained nurse, but she can help with the little things." And Cottle can have an eye on her, Adama thought. "And while she's working, you need someone to look after Nia. So I found you a babysitter."

Lee looked stunned at his father for a second. "When did that all happen?"

"It was all settled yesterday. You were already asleep when Alicia talked to Cottle. And I kinda wanted to be the one to tell you." Adama smiled. He paused a moment before he continued. "You're not alone, Lee. If you need help, all you have to do is ask."

Again Lee stayed silent for a few moments. "Thanks." He finally said quietly.

"There's more coming." Adama said smiling.

"What else? Did you get a job for Nia too?" Lee said teasingly. He suddenly enjoyed talking to his father. For the first time it felt really good to be close to him again. It felt good to have someone take care of his problems.

Adama chuckled at Lee's last remark. "I know that you can't wait to jump back to work and with all the paperwork waiting for your I can understand that only too well. But you still need some rest. So, as your commanding officer, I order you to take this day off. And as your father ... I'm telling you to take your family and enjoy the day on Cloud Nine. A Raptor will be waiting for you as soon as you get out of here." Adama couldn't hide the big smile spreading across his face at the perplexed look on his son's face.

"Dad, I can't just leave Galactica and enjoy the day. I have lots of work to do. Now, not that I'm not grateful, but ..." Lee tried to object but was interrupted again.

"No buts, Captain. I don't want to see you anywhere on this ship until the day is over." Adama said, all Commander again. "Go spent some time with your wife and daughter. All three of you deserve a day off."

* * *

When Lee was finally cleared to leave sickbay, he went to see Kara. He hadn't seen her after his breakdown. He thought she had been at his side when he woke up the first time. But everyone had told him that her knee was so badly injured, that she wouldn't be able to leave her own bed for the next few days. So he figured it must have been just a dream.

Every time he had wanted to sneak out of his room, either his father, Alicia or a nurse had come into his room and stopped him. He swore that if anyone told him again he needed his rest he would jump out of the nearest airlock.

When Lee stepped into Kara's room, she was deep asleep. He stood at her bedside a couple of minutes, just watching her steady breathing. He felt a wave of relief wash over him at having her back. He wished he could keep her safe here on Galactica forever. He couldn't stand to lose her again. Without even thinking about it, he took her hand and brought it to his mouth to give it a gentle kiss.

"Don't ever do something like that again, Kara." He whispered. "I still need you around."

* * *

When Lee stepped out of sickbay, he saw Alicia and Nia walking towards him. Nia was trying to drag her mother to move faster, which looked pretty funny considering that she couldn't even really run with her short legs.

"What's the rush, pumpkin?" Lee laughed as he knelt down and Nia flung into his arms.

"Daddy." She called out excitedly.

"I missed you too, pumpkin." Smiling he looked up to his wife. "I heard we're going on vacation."

"It's about time we get one." Alicia smiled back. "Your father just told me that the Raptor is ready and waiting for us ... I can't wait to get off this ship for a few hours."

"Let's go then." Lee chuckled. He had given in to the fact that he wouldn't get any work done today either way, so he decided to simply enjoy the day and worry about everything else tomorrow.

* * *

When they stepped onto the hangar bay Nia looked around herself in awe. She was clearly fascinated by all the ships and the people working on them. Smiling Lee put his daughter on his arms and pointed at his viper, standing only a few feet away.

"See that, Nia? That's your Daddy's viper." He told her with a big smile on his face.

"Viper." Nia called out even more excited and stretched out her hands in the viper's direction. Laughing Lee went over to his ship and let her take a closer look.

"Don't you dare let her fall in love with flying, Lee Adama. It's bad enough that I have to worry about you all the time." Alicia said, only half joking. She knew it would be years before Nia was old enough to even think about flying – if they ever got that old anyway – but the thought alone of her little girl flying around in a viper – fighting Cylons even – scared her to the bone.

"Nia can do what ever she wants when she's old enough. I won't influence her in any way." Lee said determinedly. He wouldn't repeat his father's mistakes. Then he turned back to his daughter. "If you don't want to be a viper pilot, that's perfectly all right. But if you do, remember to not follow Starbuck's example. Please try to remember that." He said teasingly.

"That's not funny. I don't want her to be a pilot and I don't want her to follow anyone's example regarding that." Alicia said more serious. Did he have to bring up Starbuck? As if that woman hadn't been on his mind enough the past few days.

"If she really wants to be a viper pilot there really wouldn't be anything for us to do against it, believe me." Lee told her. He remembered the endless discussions he had with Zak. He had tried to convince him several times that flying vipers wasn't his only choice in life. But being William "Husker" Adama's son, he hadn't listened to him. And now he was dead. He wouldn't let that happen to his daughter.

Suddenly Lee had to laugh about himself. Only a few days ago he had told his father that he had come to terms with what happened to Zak and here he was worrying that his not even 2 years old daughter might die in a viper crash. He really was pathetic.

Pushing away those thoughts Lee lead his family to the waiting raptor.

* * *

All three enjoyed the artificial sun on Cloud Nine. They were having a picnic in Cloud Nine's park. They had gotten some food from a nearby store – Lee had to promise the owner a tour through Galactica; nowadays something like that was more worth than money. Alicia lay on the fresh-smelling grass with closed eyes, while Lee desperately tried to get his daughter to eat. Apparently everything else around her was a lot more interesting than the food he had to offer her.

"Come on, Nia. This almost takes like real ice cream. You remember ice cream, don't you? Your grandma always went to the park with you and bought you some. Remember?" Lee told his daughter.

"Granny." Nia laughed happily and kept picking at the grass around her.

"Yeah, you do remember her." Lee was relieved about that more than he would have admitted to himself. He knew that she would eventually forget all about his mother. She was just too young. But as long as she had the tiniest bit of memory of her grandmother he would keep reminding her. Maybe she would at least remember the stories later.

"Did you get her to eat something yet?" Alicia asked with her eyes still closed.

"No, she cares more about the grass. I'm just glad she hasn't tried to eat that yet." Lee replied frustrated. "I don't get it. This is ice cream. Doesn't every child like ice cream? I have to play tour guide for this."

Sighing Alicia opened her eyes. "Of course she likes ice cream, but she knows that you will get her another one when she doesn't eat this. And right now the grass is more interesting for her." She had to laugh at the blank expression on her husband's face.

"I will not buy her any more ice cream. If I do that, I'll be a tour guide for the rest of my life. I don't think my father or the president would approve if I gave up my other jobs for that."

"Of course you'll buy her more. You always do." Alicia laughed again.

Lee wanted to object, but he knew she was right. He just couldn't say no to his daughter. Sighing he turned back to Nia.

"You sure you don't want that, Nia? It tastes really good." He took a bite and stroked his stomach to show how delicious the ice cream tasted.

"Look Daddy." Excitedly Nia held a blade of grass in front of Lee's face, totally ignoring the ice cream.

"How nice." Lee smiled. Then he let out a small breath and started eating the ice cream himself before it melted completely. He was already thinking of anything else he could offer that guy in the store for some more.

"Now I'm getting hungry. Why don't we go to one of the restaurants over there?" Alicia suggested.

"Good idea." Lee agreed. At least there he didn't have to worry about the payment. All pilots could eat for free in Cloud Nine's restaurants. A special favor of the ship's Captain to make sure that the pilots were extra motivated to protect Cloud Nine from incoming missiles.

* * *

"Hmm, this was delicious." Alicia sighed. She had really enjoyed eating real food for a change. She could finally understand Lee's constant complaints about the food on the Atlantia.

"She hardly ate anything." Lee said pointing at his daughter. "I don't think that's normal. Maybe she's sick." Worried he held his hand on Nia's forehead to check her temperature. It felt perfectly normal.

"Lee, she's just not hungry. She'll let us know when she wants something. This whole trip is just so exciting for her. She's hardly been out of her room lately. And there are just so many interesting things for her to watch here. It's no wonder she doesn't care much about food. She can have that every day." Alicia told her husband.

"I don't know ..." Lee still looked skeptical and kept trying to get Nia to eat more. Her plate was still half full and there hadn't been much food on it in the first place.

"Why don't we go back out and enjoy the sun. I'm sure that running around the park is going to make her very hungry." Alicia said smiling. She tried hard not to laugh at the sight of her worried husband. She knew that he had no reason to worry. Nia had always eaten when she wanted to, not when the adults had planned for her to eat. "And stop worrying so much. You're supposed to enjoy the day."

"That's a good idea. And I am enjoying the day." Lee said determinedly. He looked so earnest when he spoke that Alicia had to chuckle She figured that getting him to fully relax in one day was just not possible.

On their way back to the park, Alicia told Lee about her new job in sickbay.

"I'm really looking forward to this. Finally I have something meaningful to do. Not that I don't like watching Nia but I don't think I can sit around another day in our quarters doing nothing but playing with her doll. I really don't know why we bought her all those other toys. Most of the time she just ignores them."

"I told you it was a good doll when we bought it. I know what my daughter likes." Lee said proudly.

"Right." Alicia replied grinning. She knew how proud Lee was that one of the few toys that he had bought himself turned out to be Nia's favorite. "Oh, and I have so many ideas for the job already. I could ..."

"Hey, take it easy, okay? Even if it's just for a few hours a day, you haven't worked in a while. I don't want you to over-exert yourself." Lee tried hard to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of his head that kept looking for any signs of Alicia's reappearing disease. Every time she felt overly excited about something he worried if this might be the start of another relapse. He wanted to be happy for her. He was happy for her. Why couldn't he simply forget her disease for at least a few hours?

"Don't worry. I'll be careful. Anyway, now that Mathilda is there to help us ... Did your father tell you about her?"

"Is she the nanny?"

"Yes, Mathilda Musann. She used to work in a kindergarten on the colonies. She has so many wrinkles that she looks like a hundred years old, but after seeing her with Nia I'm convinced she's fitter than you and me together. And she's one of the most adorable persons I have ever met. Nia already loved her after five minutes."

"Well, that sounds good." Lee said. He would wait with his praise about this new Nanny until he had met her in person. Nia practically loved everyone after five minutes and Alicia was easy to influence. So the fact that they both already liked her meant nothing.

"Your father spoke with her herself before he offered her the job, you know. I think if he approves of her, than you have nothing to worry about. I'm pretty sure he would have never made it to be a Commander if he didn't have a good sense about people's character." Alicia told Lee. She had noticed the wrinkles on his forehead that always appeared when he was worried about something.

"I just want to meet her myself, that's all." Lee said defensively.

"And you will. She's moving to the Galactica tomorrow. I'm so excited. Finally I get something to do. And should you get yourself back to sickbay at least I have the perfect excuse to hover over you 24 hours a day." She said grinning.

"I have to disappoint you. I'm not planning to get back there in the near future. And if I have to become a patient again, I don't want my wife to hover over me. You know, they have this really hot nurse there and ..." Lee said teasingly.

"Lee Adama!" Alicia laughed while she slapped him on the arm.

"Don't worry, you're the only one I want to take care of me." Lee assured her smiling as he pulled her closer for a kiss.

The rest of the day they enjoyed in the park. Lee had rented a ball from one of the nearby stores and taught Nia how to catch it. She never managed to really catch the ball but she came pretty close. Most of the time she just kicked the ball back with her foot. She seemed to love that more than actually catching the ball. And Lee was proud of her nevertheless.

* * *

When they got back to Galactica Lee decided to check on Kara before going back to his quarters.

"Yeah Kara." Nia called out excited. She really seemed to have bonded with her in the few hours they had spent together.

"Do you want to come with me?" Lee asked her.

"Yes." She excitedly nodded her head.

"Okay. What about you?" He turned to Alicia.

"Uh, no, I think I'll go back to our room. I'm feeling pretty tired." Alicia replied hesitantly. The last thing she wanted was to see Kara Thrace after this wonderful day they had. It annoyed her that Lee was going to see her now, but there wasn't much she could do to stop him. She told herself that he was just looking out for one of his pilots. But it annoyed her even more that Nia seemed to like Kara too. What was it with this woman that every member of the Adama family fell for her so easily?

"Okay, I'll meet you there then." Lee gave her a quick kiss and went to sickbay.

* * *

"Hey, you're finally awake." Lee said when he stepped into Kara's room.

"What do you mean, finally? I've been awake almost every boring second of the day." Kara groaned.

"Well, when I checked on you this morning you were deep asleep." Lee smiled at her.

"Kara." Nia, who had been standing next to Lee, tugged impatiently at Kara's blanket. Surprised Kara looked down. She hadn't even noticed the little girl yet.

"Hey Nia. Nice of you to come by." Kara smiled at her.

"She couldn't wait to see you." Lee told her. He didn't tell her that he had been as impatient as his daughter to finally talk to Kara again. "So, how's your knee?" He asked while he sat Nia on Kara's bedside.

"It's bad. Doc says it could take weeks before I can fly a viper again." Kara said in a sad voice.

"Don't worry. I'll keep you busy till then." Lee grinned at her.

"I bet you will." Kara laughed. "But first I have to start walking. I can't even move this frakking knee. Frak!" She suddenly called out frustrated.

"Hey, watch your language." Lee told her but it was already too late.

"Frak!" Nia called out, happy she learned a new word.

"Great. Ali is going to kill me. Lee sighed.

"Jut put it on me. She's not going to hurt a disabled woman, is she?" Kara grinned.

"I wouldn't count on it." Lee replied.

They were interrupted when a nurse came in with a tray of food for Kara.

"Time for dinner, Lieutenant." The nurse said as she put the tray in front of Kara.

"Great, thanks." Kara nodded and looked somehow terrified at the tray. "Did you know that the food in sickbay is even worse than in the mess?" She asked Lee after the nurse had left.

"I had my share," Lee laughed. After all he already had to spend more time in sickbay than he liked. And he hadn't even been on the Galactica for very long.

"Hungry." Nia stated and looked eagerly at the food on Kara's tray.

"Oh, now you want to eat. Well, I guess we can go to the mess on our way back." Lee sighed. All day he had tried to give his daughter something special to eat and she chose the worst food fleet wide.

"That won't be necessary. We can share mine, right Nia?" Kara smiled at the little girl.

"Yeah." Nia had already started to pick something to eat for herself from the tray.

Smiling Lee pulled a chair closer and watched the two eating. Astoundingly Nia ate all the food mostly alone, while Kara only took a bite every now and than.

"One doesn't get very hungry just by lying around all day." She explained. "It's just plain boring. Now that you're up again, make sure to come by more often."

"I'll see what I can do."

"If you don't, I'll just keep your daughter with me." Kara said grinning.

"I don't think her mother would appreciate that." Lee replied laughing.

"So, did you enjoy your stay on Cloud Nine? Your father told me." She explained at the questioning look on Lee's face.

"Yes, we did. It was great. Almost like a real holiday. Nice dinner, ice cream, some playing in the park, just relaxing and nothing to worry about." Lee said raving.

"Sounds nice. But I can hardly believe you had nothing to worry about. You always find something to worry about." Kara said with an evil grin.

"That's so not true." Lee chuckled. He tried to forget the fact that most of the time today he had been afraid his daughter was sick because she didn't want to eat and that he had looked out for any signs for Alicia's disease. He was able to relax every once in a while.

"I remember that one trip we went with Zak. We had the best weather for weeks and you kept worrying it might start raining that weekend of all days. You were the only one with a rain coat."

"And I was right." Lee stated laughing. He remembered that they had all ended up huddled together under a tree with only his raincoat to protect them from the rain. It had been one hell of a storm and they all had a pretty bad cold afterwards.

Ignoring his last remark, Kara noticed in astonishment how quickly Nia had been eating. "Didn't you say you had dinner? Your daughter finished this plate so fast you would think that she hadn't anything to eat all day."

"Believe me, I tried my best. I got her ice cream, chocolate, a really great dinner. She didn't want any of it. Apparently she had been waiting for this." Lee groaned as he pointed to the empty plate.

"Chocolate? Lee, you're a cruel, mean person." Kara looked at him indignantly. She was practically addicted to chocolate and she knew that he knew that very well.

"Well, if that's true, I better keep that extra chocolate I got. I don't want to mess with that image."

"Extra chocolate?" Kara looked up excited. "Lee, you're the best."

"All of the sudden I'm the best? You better make up your mind what I am ... Here." Smiling he handed her a chocolate bar he had kept in his pocket.

When Kara took her first bite she looked like she was in heaven. "I'd crash on any moon anytime for this." She said smiling.

"Don't even think about that." Lee shot her a warning look. "We better get going. It's time for Nia to get to bed and Ali is probably already waiting for us." Lee bent down to give Kara a good bye kiss on the forehead. Only seconds before his lips touched her skin, he stopped in his tracks. What was he doing here? He had never kissed Kara before. Well, unless that one night years ago in academy, but they had both been drunk at the time, so that didn't count. Hesitantly he got up again and looked in Kara's surprised eyes.

"Uhm, good night then." He stammered and quickly turned around to leave the room.

Stunned Kara watched him leaving. Had he just almost kissed her? And why did he stop? A kiss on the forehead wasn't that uncommon for friends, even if they usually didn't do that. She was surprised at herself how disappointed she was that he hadn't gone through with the kiss.

* * *

The next day Alicia anxiously waited, with Nia on her arms, in the hangar bay for all passengers to leave the Scorpia Traveler. Mathilda Musann, Nia's new Nanny, was supposed to come with that shuttle. But so far the only familiar person she had seen coming from the shuttle had been this man she knew from her time on Colonial One, Donnell or Doral, she couldn't really remember his name. For a moment she had considered greeting him but she didn't really like him, so she decided to say nothing.

"Is she here yet?" Lee asked, slightly out of breath. He had just come back from CAP and had hurried to meet his new nanny when she arrived on Galactica.

"Do you see her here somewhere?" Alicia snapped. She was still a bit angry that Lee had gone to Kara last night and this morning again right before his CAP. "Oh, there she is." She suddenly called out excitedly. "Mathilda, over here."

Alicia hadn't exaggerated when she had said that Mathilda looked like she was a hundred years old, Lee thought smiling when he saw the old woman coming towards them. Yet she was beaming with so much energy that Lee had no doubts she was still capable of taking care of his daughter. She had such an endearing smile that even without talking to her he already liked her. That didn't happen to him very often.

"You must be Lee Adama." Mathilda greeted him. "It's nice to meet you. Your wife has already told me what a great father and husband you are." She spoke in a warm, soft voice and Lee liked her even more. He could finally understand Alicia's excitement about her. This woman was a gift from the gods.

"Sounds like she left out the bad stuff." Lee laughed. "It's nice to meet you too."

"Hello Nia." Mathilda turned to the little girl who had been smiling at her the whole time. "It's good to see you again." She gently stroked over Nia's hair before she turned back to Lee and Alicia. "I'm really grateful that you let me take care of your daughter. There weren't any children on my ship and I really missed having them around me."

"We're even more grateful that you are willing to help us." Alicia assured her.

"Why don't we show you your new quarters? It's only a few minutes away from ours." Lee said while he picked up Mathilda's bag.

"Frak." Nia called laughingly. Lee blushed immediately and Alicia looked shocked at her daughter. Mathilda had to hide her laughter.

"Where did you learn that word?" Alicia asked completely taken aback. She had been so careful never to swear around her daughter. Angrily she stared at Lee.

But before either one of them could say anything, they heard a loud explosion and the whole ship shook from the vibration.

"What was that?" Alica called out afraid.

"That sounded like ..." Lee's voice trailed off. He didn't want to scare them any more than nessacary. "Go straight to our quarters and wait there until I get back, okay?" Lee gave the bag back to Mathilda and quickly left.

* * *

When Lee reached the corridor where the explosion took place, he was shocked at the amount of damage. Everywhere he saw injured people. Suddenly his eyes fell on his father.

"Dad, are you all right?" He called out immediately and ran over to this father.

"I'm fine, thanks to Saul." Adama nodded gratefully in Colonel Tigh's direction who was helping one of the injured crew members.

"What happened?" Lee wanted to know.

"Aaron Doral." Adama replied quietly.

"What?" Lee looked at his father confused.

"Somehow he came onboard, probably with the last shuttle. He blew himself up in this corridor." Adama explained.

Lee stayed quietly. He was sure that this wouldn't have happened if they had informed the public of the fact that the Cylons looked like humans now. But it wasn't his place to say. And he had already talked about this with his father before. It wouldn't make much sense bringing this up again, especially now.

For the next several hours Lee helped with the repairs in the corridor. He only stopped when it was time for his CAP. Sighing he looked at the damaged corridor one last time. He remembered the last day and how much he had enjoyed spending some free time with his family. The last day simply had been too perfect. He had known that it wouldn't stay like this forever, he had just hoped he could enjoy some peaceful time for a little while longer.

* * *

Terrified Alicia sat next to the radio and listened to Roslin's speech. The Cylons looked like humans now? How was that even possible? Of course she had heard the rumors but she had never believed them. And now it turned out they were true all along. Suddenly a conversation she had had with Kara and Lee a few days after their jump from Ragnar came back to her mind. Kara had asked her if the rumors about the humanoid Cylons were true. Lee had practically thrown her out of his office after she had kept questioning. He hadn't been really angry at the time but it was clear that he didn't want to talk about it. And there was only one reason for that: He knew. He knew all along that Cylons looked like humans now. And he had never said a word. She could feel the anger and panic spread through her body. Everyone could be a Cylon. And Lee hadn't even warned her about it. He and his father were the only people who she knew that were 100 percent human. But anyone else? Even Kara could be a Cylon. Gods, even Mathilda could be a Cylon.

A few hours after President Roslin had held her speech, Alicia still sat scared and curled together on the chair next to the radio. When the hatch to her quarters suddenly opened, she jumped out of the chair and grabbed the next best thing – one of Nia's toys – and threw it at whoever entered the room.

"Ow." Lee cried out in surprise when the toy hit him on the head. "Why did you do that?"

"Lee." Relieved, Alicia ran towards her husband and put her arms around him. Startled Lee pulled her into a tight embrace. "Ali, what's wrong?"

At this moment Alicia remembered that Lee had kept this new information about the Cylons from her. She pulled out of the embrace and hit him hard on his arm. "You frakking idiot! How could you not tell me?" She didn't even care that she was cursing in front of her daughter. She was so furious now that she didn't even think about watching her language.

"So you heard Roslin's speech." Lee sighed. He had wanted to tell Alicia for days but this information had been confidential. He had promised his father - and commander - not to tell anyone, including his wife. And he didn't want to start his new job as CAG with going against orders.

"You bastard! You knew all along. I was going to leave our daughter with a complete stranger for hours because I thought Nia would be safe with her. And now she could be a Cylon!" Alicia yelled at him.

Lee looked stunned at this wife. "You don't really think that Mrs. Musann is a Cylon, do you? You said yourself she looks like a hundred years old. I don't believe the Cylons would bother creating a model that old. I think it's safe to say that Mathilda Musann is not a Cylon."

"How do you know that? It could be a trick. I'm not going to leave Nia alone with her." Alicia said determinedly.

"Ali, stop!" Lee grabbed his wife by her arms and forced her to look at him. "Don't start with that. We can't go running around assuming that everyone is a Cylon." He suddenly had to think about the trial Sergeant Hadrian had started to find out how the Cylon could have reached that specific corridor. It wasn't allowed for Civilians to be there. The Sergeant had actually called Chief Tyrol as her main suspect. He knew that was ridiculous. Tyrol was probably the most loyal man they had on Galactica. There was no way he would betray them to the Cylons – or be a Cylon. He truly hoped his father would stop this madness soon.

"We have to trust the people we know. And I've only known Mathilda Musann for a few minutes, but you and my father both assured me she was trustworthy. And from what I saw this morning I'm inclined to believe you. We can't go running around assuming everyone is the enemy. It would destroy us and that's what the Cylons want. I don't want my daughter to grow up in a world like that."

"I want to believe you, Lee, but ..." Her voice trailed off.

Lee wished there was something he could do to help her. Suddenly he had an idea. "Dr. Baltar is trying to invent a Cylon detector. I could ask him to run a test on Mrs. Musann as soon as he's finished. There's got to be an advantage to being the commander's son. I'm sure he'd be willing to make an exception."

"She wants us to call her Mathilda, not Mrs. Musann." Alicia said quietly after some time.

"Is that a yes?" Lee said smiling.

"Yes. But I won't leave her alone with Nia until the results are back. Sickbay will just have to wait a while longer."

"I'm sure Cottle understands that." Smiling and relieved that he was able to calm his wife, Lee pulled her into a tight embrace. They stood like this for a very long time.

* * *

The next day Lee went to see Dr. Baltar first thing in the morning. When he stepped into the doctor's lab, he stopped in surprise. It looked like Baltar was flirting with his computer. This man really was nuts. He cleared his throat to announce his presence.

"Ahem, Dr. Baltar, do you have a minute?"

Startled Baltar turned around and stared at Lee. "Uh, Captain, what a surprise, I didn't expect anyone ..." His voice trailed off and he stared at an empty space next to him.

How this man ever turned out to be a genius was a mystery for Lee. But maybe geniuses had to be crazy to be that good. There was a downside to everything.

"I need to ask for a favor, Doctor." Lee said hesitantly. When Baltar asked him to continue, he quickly explained the situation. Baltar was very willing to help him and assured him that as soon as he finished his work on the Cylon detector, he would run a test on Mathilda Musann. After thanking him, Lee quickly left the lab again. He didn't like to be around that man and was glad he had agreed to help so quickly.

On his way to his own office he ran into his father.

"Good Morning, Commander." He greeted his father.

"Captain." Adama nodded at his son. He apparently wasn't in the best mood.

"Are you going to CIC?" Lee asked.

"No, I was asked to testify before Hadrian's trial." He groaned.

"You?" Lee chuckled.

"This whole thing was a mistake. Hadrian is going too far."

"What are you going to do?" Lee asked.

"Let's see what she wants first." Adama said and went on with his way.

Later that day Lee learned that Adama had ended the trial. Apparently Hadrian had started blaming the Commander for what happened the last day and he had finally had enough. The trial didn't end without finding someone to blame though – at least partially. A deckhand was put in the brig for 30 days for leaving a hatch open that had allowed the Cylon to reach the destroyed corridor. Even though that was clearly a case of negligence, Lee was relieved that it was just that and not some collaborator working with the Cylons – or a Cylon hiding among his crew.

Tbc

A.N.: Special thanks to laurie31 for beta reading this chapter and thanks to everyone else for the reviews. As always they were very encouraging.I hope you like this chapter as well. Thank you for reading and please keep reviewing. :-)


	10. Six Degrees of Separation

Stunned, Lee stared at the paper in his hands. Finally he looked up and stared at Kara. "What?" He called out in utter confusion.

"What what?" Kara asked him back.

"What is this supposed to mean?" He waved the paper in front of her.

"Okay, what part didn't you understand?" Kara looked at him annoyed. She had given her best writing this frakking report on the Cylon Raider. It wasn't her fault that no one understood it.

"Every part." Lee sighed. He already regretted having agreed to have a look at Kara's report.

"You'll have to be a bit more specific." Kara replied impatiently.

Lee let out a frustrated breath and looked at the paper in his hand again. "Squeeze something that looks like a red ligament with blue veins on the right side coming out of a sack of gooey fluid, shaped like a dog?" He quoted her report with a raised eyebrow.

"What's there not to understand?" She asked innocently.

"Slide into the lymphatic sack?" He quoted another part.

"Oh for fraks sake, it's not my fault those raiders look like that. I don't know how else to describe it. Just get this frakking report to Tyrol. I'm not rewriting this again." She called out frustrated.

"Fine." Lee sighed. "Maybe he can make something out of this. So, when are you going to start walking again?"

"Cottle says I'm supposed to try this afternoon. But I don't know ... It still frakking hurts." Kara looked skeptically at her knee. She had tried to argue with Cottle that she should wait longer with walking, but as always he hadn't listened to her, he had just mumbled something like when she gets her medical degree he'd be more than willing to listen to her. She hated him.

"Okay, I'll be back than. I got to go now. I have CAP in 20 minutes and I got to get this _report_ to Tyrol first. See you later."

Surprised Kara watched him leaving. She had never expected him to be there when she tried to walk again for the first time and yet the way he had said he would be there, it had sounded like it was the most natural thing for him to do. Suddenly the idea of getting out of this bed today wasn't that terrible anymore.

* * *

When Lee returned from CAP, Alicia was waiting for him in the hangar bay.

"Hey, nice surprise. What brings you here?" He smiled at her. "Where's Nia?"

"She's with Mathilda." Alicia replied uncomfortably. Seeing Lee's raised eyebrow she continued. "When I told Dr. Cottle I couldn't start working today because we had to wait for Mathilda to be tested, he said I shouldn't be ridiculous and I either start today or never. So ..." Her voice trailed off.

"So you left her with Mathilda." Lee had to hide his grin. He never thought for a second that Mathilda Musann could be a Cylon and he was certain that Nia was more than safe with her.

"Well, since you and your father are so convinced that she's not a Cylon ... Have you heard anything from Dr. Baltar?"

"Uhm, no, not yet." Lee had heard the rumors about Baltar being accused of being a Cylon spy, but he didn't think it was a good idea to give Alicia that information. It would only upset her. He just hoped this whole thing would clear itself up before she ever heard about it. And he didn't think that Baltar was a Cylon anyway. That man was too crazy to be a machine.

"Okay, I'm off to sickbay then. Could you check on Nia? This is her first day alone with Mathilda and ..."

"I was on my way to our quarters anyway. I want to take a quick shower before I go see Kara."

"Kara?" Alicia asked uncomfortably. Lee was spending too much time with this woman for her taste. She just had an injured knee, not some life-threatening disease.

"Yeah, she starts walking today and I want to be there for her, you know, as a friend." Lee explained quickly. He had noticed his wife's uneasiness every time he mentioned Kara.

"Well, I hope everything goes well." Alicia replied, smiling. She tried hard to accept Lee's friendship with Kara, but it got harder and harder as they seemed to get closer each day.

"I'll see you in sickbay then." Lee said. He gave her a warm smile as he left. This was another thing Alicia had to get used to. Lee normally gave her a kiss every time they parted. But he didn't like to show emotions in public, especially not when he was working, so he didn't even give her a hug or hold her hand when other people were around. This put a distance between them that Alicia wasn't used to. But apparently nothing stays the same when the world ends – not even the relationship with the man she loves.

* * *

"So, you're ready to walk?" Lee asked grinning when he stepped into Kara's room.

"No." She said stubbornly.

"Let's get started then." Cottle had entered right behind Lee. "These are your crutches. Try to stand on your left leg at first. When you feel steady enough, start putting more weight on your injured knee."

Hesitantly Kara began to climb out of her bed.

"Come on, Starbuck, you can do it." Lee intentionally used her call sign. He hoped her pride of being the toughest viper pilot in the fleet would stop her from giving up too fast. But when she put weight on her injured knee the first time, he cringed at the pain evident on her face. "Ah, that smarts." He said sympathetically. When Cottle glared at him disapprovingly, he quickly tried to cover his sympathy. "Yeah, that smarts. But I don't care."

"You don't care?" She glared at him.

"I don't care because you're pain is my entertainment. Your crutches of death, Sir. Use them wisely." Lee said grinning when he handed her the crutches.

"Shut up." Kara hissed at him.

"It's gonna hurt like hell, but it's supposed to." Cottle told her dryly, cigarette still hanging in his mouth.

"Thanks Doc." This time it was Cottle who received Kara's angry glare.

When Kara took her first steps with the crutches, Lee held his hand behind her back, ready to catch her should she fall. He didn't dare to actually touch her, but his hand got close enough to make him feel better. Again Cottle shot him a warning glare and Lee chastised himself for showing too much sympathy. That never worked well with Kara. Making her angry was the only way he knew to keep her going. And he could see that she was already very angry.

"No pain, no gain." Lee said mockingly, giving more fuel for her anger. "No cliché left unturned as Kara Thrace returns to the world of the walking, can she do it or will she fall on her ass?" Even though Lee tried to sound teasing, the look on his face betrayed his worries. He could only imagine how painful this must be for Kara. Luckily Kara couldn't see his face.

"I swear to the Gods, I'm gonna beat the crap out of both of you as soon as I get better." She hissed. Suddenly she stopped walking "No, I can't." She turned around and sat back down on her bed.

"Yes, you can, you did it." Lee tried to encourage her.

"I can't, I can't ... I can't." Kara whispered stubbornly.

"You're not going to get better lying on your back." Cottle told her.

"Oh, frak off!" She snapped at him and frustrated threw the crutches at Lee.

"Just take a break for five minutes, we'll try again." Lee wasn't willing to give up so fast. He wanted Kara to be back on her feet as soon as possible. Not just because of the still existing and ever increasing pilot shortage, but because he simply missed her. He missed running with her in the morning, he missed flying with her as his wingman and he missed her storming into his office declaring it was time for a break and dragging him to the mess or the gym. He still saw her several times every day when he visited her in sickbay, but it wasn't the same.

"I don't want to do it again, I want a pill now, please." The way Kara glared at both of them made it clear that she wasn't going to leave her bed again any time soon.

"Sorry, we're weaning you off the magic pills, starting today. And besides, I need them for myself." Cottle was only half-joking. Having Starbuck as a patient was more painful than any injury he could imagine.

"You son of a bitch." Kara glared at him angrily.

"If you're not going to walk again, I'm leaving. There are other patients who actually want to get better." Cottle said and left the room.

"He's right, Kara, and you know it. The sooner you start walking, the sooner you get back in the cockpit." Lee tried again.

"You can play the worried CAG with someone else, Apollo. Now leave me the frak alone!" Without looking at him again, she turned away from him.

Sighing, Lee glanced at her one last time before he stepped out of her room.

* * *

Hours after his shift had officially ended, Lee came home to his family. Nia was already asleep, but Alicia was still awake.

"Long day again?" She said as she gave him a comforting hug.

"The usual. Paperwork never ends. So, how was your first day?" He asked smiling.

"Oh it was great. It feels so good to finally have something useful to do. The nurses are all very nice. But I think it will take a while before I get used to Dr. Cottle." She said grinning.

"Even my father is afraid of him." Lee said laughing. "But he's the best doctor I know. I don't think Kara's knee would heal so good with the Doc we had on the Atlantia."

"But she's still not walking." Inwardly Alicia wanted to scream. Again their conversation had turned to Kara Thrace.

"No, but I'm working on that." He replied smiling. "And how did it go with Nia and Mathilda today?"

"Oh, they got along just great. Nia didn't even want to let her go when I came home. Mathilda agreed to stay a bit longer and we talked a while. She really is an astounding woman. She has experienced so many awful things in her life and yet she is the most optimistic person I know. I really enjoy talking to her. She has so much to tell." Alicia beamed with joy as she spoke.

"Maybe we should have dinner together some day? She sounds like an interesting woman." Lee said smiling. He was glad that Alicia got along so well with their new babysitter.

"That would be great. We could invite your father too. Make it a real family dinner."

"Sounds good. I'll ask him. Let's just wait a few days. He's pretty busy right now." When he saw Alicia yawning, he knew it was time to end this conversation. He was feeling pretty tired himself. "I think we should go to bed, get some sleep. It really was a long day."

"Going to bed sounds good. But I wasn't planning on going to sleep right away." Alicia said with a seductive smile.

Lee answered her with an ever bigger smile as he pulled her into a tight embrace.

* * *

The next morning Lee went to CIC to give some reports to his father.

"Good morning, Commander. Here are the reports you've been waiting for. I'm sorry for the delay."

"Good morning, Captain. It's not a problem. I have so many reports waiting on my desk, it will probably take me at least a month before I can read yours." Adama said sighing.

"I know what you mean." Lee chuckled. "So, is there any news on Baltar?"

"You heard?"

"Dad, the whole ship is talking about it. Our only Cylon expert is being accused of being a Cylon himself or at least working with them. You can't keep that a secret for long."

"I guess not." Again Adama sighed. For years he had tried to find a way to stop the rumor mill before it even started, but so far he hadn't been very successful.

"Do you think he's a Cylon?" Lee's question interrupted Adama thoughts.

"No, but I think she is." Adama replied dryly.

"She?"

"Shelley Godfrey, the woman who is accusing Baltar."

"What makes you think that?" Lee looked at his father questioningly.

"She came to my quarters last night. She acted ... strange." Adama flinched visibly at the memory. It didn't go unnoticed by Lee.

"Strange? What did she do, hit on you?" Lee chuckled. But then he saw his father's pained expression. "Come on, Dad, she hit on you and all of the sudden you think she's a Cylon? I didn't know you had such a low self-esteem when it comes to women." He laughed.

"Funny." Adama grumbled. "It wasn't just that. Her whole behavior was ... It's just all too convenient."

"If you say so. I hope you're right. I'd rather have her be the Cylon than Baltar."

"Me too." Adama replied earnestly.

* * *

When Lee reached the hangar deck a few hours later, he saw Colonel Tigh standing next to the Raider. Lee approached him hesitantly. What had seemed like a good plan only minutes ago sounded pretty stupid now that he was about to do it. He and Tigh weren't on the best terms since Lee's outburst against him when Kara had been missing. Asking him for a favor, especially if it regarded Kara, wasn't the easiest thing to do. But there was no turning back now. If he wanted Kara back on her feet, he would need to take some drastic measures.

"Colonel?" He approached his XO. "Can I have a word?"

"Of course." Tigh replied. But he didn't move away from the Raider. Whatever Lee wanted to tell him, he would have to do it with people listening.

Lee would have preferred to have this conversation in private. He figured this was Tigh's way of payback. Well, if it made him feel better, Lee was willing to play along. As long as it helped him with his plan. "It's Starbuck. I think she needs some ... incentive to get back on her feet." Lee knew he would be a dead man if Kara ever found out about this conversation.

"You think being in Cottle's dungeon isn't enough incentive for her?" Tigh asked grinning.

"She needs a job. That's how Kara works." Lee tried to ignore the smug grin on Tigh's face and at the same time chastised himself for using Kara's first name in front of his commanding officer. "She needs a problem to solve and ..." Lee got slightly distracted when something fell out of the Raider. It looked – and smelled – suspiciously like some sort of excrement.

"Well, there's a problem." Tigh said, looking stunned at the dropping.

"Cally!" The Chief's voice was heard from inside the Raider.

Laughing, Tigh excused himself. He nodded shortly at Lee and then left without another word. Lee took his nod as a sign that he had agreed to talk to Kara. He just hoped Tigh wouldn't mention his name in that conversation. He wanted to live at least long enough to celebrate Nia's next birthday.

"Captain." Chief Tyrol called for him. He had climbed out of the Raider and he sounded rather devastated. Also he was covered in slime. Looking at him, Lee was glad that it wasn't him who had to get inside that Raider.

"Chief, what can I do for you?" He asked.

"Is there any chance that Starbuck could come to the hangar bay today? I can't get this thing to work." Frustrated he waved at the Cylon Raider. "And her notes, well ... To be honest, I don't understand a single word. Ligament with blue veins? Gooey fluids? I don't even know what that is."

"I'm working on it, Chief. I can't make any promises, but I hope she'll be back on her feet today." Lee tried to calm Tyrol. "Show me those notes again. Maybe I can make something out of it this time."

* * *

With an evil grin Tigh entered sickbay. Making Starbuck angry always brightened his day.

"I heard you were supposed to be up on your feet by now." He came directly to the point. No need to exchange niceties with this hot-shot pilot.

"You were wrong." Kara replied quietly. She didn't look up and just kept playing solitary triad. She hoped if she just ignored him long enough, he would leave. As if her day wasn't bad enough already. Now she had to talk to Tigh of all people.

"Well, I figured you wouldn't bounce back so fast." He said sarcastically.

"Is there something you wanted or did you just drop by to torment me, Sir?" Kara replied annoyed.

"Nah, the Chief wanted me to kick your ass out of bed, so you could help figure out that Raider of yours but, clearly, you still need your rest. So take your time, no rush." He hadn't even bothered to look at Kara as he spoke, he had just glanced over her medical chart.

"Do you actually think that reverse psychology crap is gonna work on me?" Even though she tried to sound sarcastic, inside she was boiling with anger.

"I really don't care what you think, Lieutenant. All I know is that every day you spend in that bed is another day that I have my opinion of you confirmed. As you were." Without waiting for a response, Tigh turned around and left, leaving Kara to stare angrily at the empty space he had left.

"Frakking son of a bitch." Kara muttered under her breath. Did he really think he could trick her with his words? She would stay in bed an extra day longer just to prove that he hadn't achieved anything. The day she would start caring what Saul Tigh thought of her, was the day the world ended ... the second time. But maybe this was what he wanted? He knew how low her opinion of him was. Maybe he had planned to keep her longer in bed with this charade. Well, she would show him ... She would be out of this bed faster than he could take a swig of ambrosia. But if she got up now, he would think that she did it because of his words. And that was the last thing she wanted. "Frak!" She called out frustrated. If she kept going like this, she would still be in this bed next month.

"I think he's right ... partly at least. You really should rest. Overdoing it won't do any good."

Kara had been so deep in though, that she hadn't even noticed Alicia coming closer. She had been making a bed a few feet away and had overheard Kara's conversation with Tigh. Kara was so stunned that she didn't know what to say.

"Even though everyone is looking forward to see you back on your feet and working again, you really should think of yourself. Granted, everyone has to work more as long as you're still in here – my own husband has to work double shifts to cover the workload – but I can understand you have other worries right now." Alicia had tried to sound nice, but the sarcasm was still audible in her voice. "Well, I have to get going." Smiling, Alicia left the room, not even waiting for Kara to answer.

* * *

When Alicia heard the fire alarm later that day, she was afraid that there had been another explosion on the Battlestar. Terrified she waited for any burned or otherwise injured people to reach sickbay.

"Relax. There weren't any vibrations. Whatever happened, the fire wasn't caused by another explosion. There weren't any vibrations ... Maybe it's just a false alarm. Had there been any injuries, we'd have already been notified." Layne Ishay, one of the nurses, told her.

"It just creeps me out. Every time the alarm starts, I fear the worst." Alicia said hesitantly.

"I know what you mean. But eventually you'll get used to it. As long as we're not getting called, there's no real emergency on the ship, at least none where people got hurt. And if the call for action stations doesn't come, there are no Cylons shooting at us. Everything's okay for now." Layne smiled at her comforting.

Alicia stayed quiet for a moment. "Would it be alright if I check on my daughter? I know it's stupid, but ..."

"No problem. You already work more than you have to. Go ... I cover for you." Layne assured her.

"Thanks, I won't be long." Smiling gratefully at her colleague, Alicia quickly left sickbay and went to her quarters. She found her daughter sleeping, while Mathilda was reading a book.

"Hi. Uhm, I heard the alarm and just wanted to see if everything is all right here." Alicia said apologetically.

"No problem. I know how hard it is to relax when you're away from your child for the first time. But don't worry. She slept right through the alarm. She didn't wake up once." Mathilda assured her.

"I should have known." Alicia laughed. "Those first days when the Cylons kept coming, Nia slept most of the time. She got used to all these alarms and FTL-jumps fairly quickly." Alicia sighed before she added in a small voice. "I wish it were this easy for me too."

"This is all still new for you. Give yourself some time. You will get used to it too. It's always more easy for children to get used to new situations, especially if they are still as young as Nia."

"I hope you're right." Alicia said quietly. "Well, I have to get back to sickbay. If Cottle finds out I left, he's probably going to fire me on my first day."

"That's hard to believe." Mathilda said laughing.

"You don't know him." Alicia replied with a small laugh. Then she gave her daughter a goodbye kiss and left her quarters again.

On her way back to sickbay, Alicia was so deep in thought that she almost hadn't noticed the marines escorting a handcuffed man. The only reason that she looked up at him was because he kept shouting loudly that he had been framed and that he was innocent. Curious from whom these shouts came she looked closer at the man. It was quite a shock for her when she saw the man was Dr. Gaius Baltar.

She was still in shock when she stepped back into sickbay.

"What happened?" Layne called out when she saw the pale appearance of Alicia. "Is something wrong with your daughter?"

"No, no she's fine ... I just saw Dr. Baltar. He was handcuffed and was escorted by several marines. I don't understand that ..." Alicia stammered.

"Oh that. From what I heard he's supposed to be a Cylon. Or he's working with them. There are a lot of rumors going on about that since this woman showed up yesterday. As far as I know she has some evidence against him. If you ask me, I think Baltar is crazy enough for something like that. This morning, John, my boyfriend, saw him in the head shouting loudly at nothing but empty space. Now, there is clearly something wrong with that man." Layne said, eager to share her knowledge.

"I didn't know that." Alicia whispered.

"Didn't your husband tell you? As the commander's son he should know about those things, shouldn't he?"

"Yeah, he should." Alicia replied quietly. Suddenly she got angry. Again Lee had withheld information from her. Just yesterday he had told her he hadn't heard anything from Baltar. Even if he hadn't known about Baltar at the time, he would have found out at some point yesterday. He was the CAG – if a nurse in sickbay already knew about it, he definitely knew. But he hadn't said a single word to her. Well, this time she wouldn't be so willing to forgive him as fast as the last time when she found out about the humanoid Cylons.

* * *

Lee had been working with Tyrol and Cally for several hours on the Raider, but they hadn't really achieved much in that time. They hadn't even found out how to start it. And Starbuck's notes hadn't been really helpful. Even Lee had given up trying to make some sense out of it.

He was just checking the undercarriage of the Raider again, listening to Tyrol's curses from the inside, when he saw two crutches appearing next to him. When he looked up, he saw Kara standing next to him.

"Hey." He called out surprised.

"Shut up. All of you." Kara snapped. "Not one single word from any of you, okay?" She glared at them threateningly before she turned her attention at the Raider. "What seems to be the problem?"

Tyrol, who had crawled out of the Raider immediately when he heard Kara's voice, replied. "Well, your new boyfriend's a bit of a jerk, Sir."

"It's a girl." Kara countered.

Lee stayed quiet and simply watched smiling as Kara took Tyrol's place under the Raider. Apparently his plan had worked. He had known that Tigh had to be good for something.

With some effort Kara managed to get inside the Raider while talking to Tyrol. He hoped she would be able to get the Raider started. She had managed it before and he was convinced she could do it again. And he was right. It only took her a few minutes before the Raider's engine started revving and the ship lifted off a few feet.

"Chief ... Chief!" Kara yelled from inside the Raider. But she didn't sound really scared, so there was no need to worry.

"Don't shoot anything." Tyrol replied dryly as they all stood around the Raider grinning. Again Starbuck had pulled of the impossible.

* * *

Alicia waited angrily for Lee to return to their quarters. His shift had ended hours ago, but as always he had to work longer. This time she didn't feel sorry for him though as she would usually do. His coming home late only made her angrier. From Layne she had learned that every night after Lee finished his work for the day, he stopped by sickbay and spend some time with Kara. He never stayed very long, only a few minutes, but Layne had been thrilled about how dedicated Lee was as a CAG and how nice it was of him to see after his injured pilot so often.

Alicia's opinion on that matter was a bit different than Layne's. For her, those few minutes Lee spent with Kara Thrace was time he should spend with his family, but voluntarily chose not to.

Suddenly it occurred to her that Lee always complained about not seeing Nia often enough and how much he missed her during the day. He had even admitted that he missed having Kara around all day, annoying as she was most of the time, but not once had he told her that he missed her, Alicia, too.

When Lee finally did come home, Alicia was no longer just angry, she was furious.

"You bastard!" She yelled at him as soon as he stepped into the room.

Confused, Lee stopped in his tracks when he saw his furious wife. "What ...?"

"So you would rather spend time with her than with your own family? Why did you marry me in the first place? Because I got pregnant? If I had known you were in love with Kara, I would have never said yes!"

Lee was so surprised at her tirade that he was at a loss for words at first. When she finally stopped and looked at him expectantly, he quickly searched for the right words. "Ali, I did not just marry you because you were pregnant. How could you ever think that?"

"Because it's what you do, Lee. You always do the right thing." Alicia could feel the tears rolling down her face and quickly wiped them away.

"Ali, I married you because I love you. You – not Kara. I really wish I could spend more time with you and Nia, but there's so much to do and ..."

"But you always have time for Kara – several times during the day!" Alicia interrupted him.

"She's in sickbay, for fra ..." Lee bit his lip; he didn't want to anger Alicia even more by cursing. "... gods sake. I told you we're friends, that's all. I never lied to you about that. And right now she's a friend in sickbay who could use some company and help. I would do the same for every other friend if I still had any left!"

"And what about Baltar? You lied to me about him!" Alicia yelled.

"Baltar? What ...?"

"I know he has been arrested for working with the Cylons or being a Cylon ... He was already accused of that yesterday and don't tell me you didn't know! Layne told me the whole ship was talking about it!" She glared at him furiously.

Lee stayed quiet for a moment. There wasn't much he could say against that. Even if he hadn't really lied to her, he had withhold information from her – again. "Baltar got released a few hours ago. The evidence was fake, he was framed." This excuse sounded lame, even for him.

"That's not really important anymore, is it?" Alicia said quietly.

"Ali ..."

"Get out. I don't want to be anywhere near you right now." She choked out. "I'm sick of being lied to." She turned around and looked at the wall, anywhere else but him.

Silently Lee stood still for a moment. He hadn't meant to hurt her. He just wanted to protect her. But maybe that was the real problem. He had been trying to protect her for too long – and somewhere along the line that had become more important than treating her like she deserved ...as his wife. "I'll come back tomorrow, okay? We'll talk then."

Alicia only nodded. Without saying anything else, Lee left their quarters and went to his office. It wasn't the best place to stay the night, but it was better than nothing. He would try to get some sleep and tomorrow he would try to convince Alicia to give him another chance. He would prove to her how much he loved her.

Tbc

A.N.: Thanks again to laurie31 for beta reading this chapter, I don't know what I would do without you. :-) Thanks everyone else for the reviews. :-)


	11. Flesh and Bone

Two weeks had passed since the fight between Lee and Alicia. They had met again the next morning and had talked for a long time. In the end, Alicia had forgiven Lee for his lack of trust in her. He had promised her that he wouldn't keep any more information from her that might affect her. And he had promised to spend more time with her and Nia. Which left him in a difficult situation. Of course he didn't mind spending more time with his family. But the workload he had to get done every day wasn't going to get less and he wasn't willing to stop spending time with Kara. As he had pointed out to Alicia several times, Kara was the only friend he had left. And despite her annoying side, she had helped him stay strong and not lose hope those first days after the Cylons had attacked the colonies and during the weeks after. She kept him sane and if it wasn't for her he would have probably drowned already in his new job and all the responsibilities that came along with it – a job that he wasn't trained for in the first place and that was thrown at him because he was the only person with at least one of the qualifications necessary for it ... being a Captain. The fact that he was only promoted to Captain a few weeks before the attacks didn't matter.

Kara had helped him getting used to this new life and if only for that, he wasn't going to shut her out of his life. So he would have to find some other way to squeeze in more time for Alicia and Nia. He had started taking his meals in his office while continuing with his paperwork – which resulted in his food getting cold before he was able to finish it. He had never thought it to be possible for the food to taste worse, but eating it cold definitely made it much worse and even less palatable. He also stopped running in the morning – without Kara it wasn't half as much fun anyway – and he didn't join the other pilots in the rec room anymore.

Unfortunately that hadn't brought him much more time either. He might come home an hour earlier than usual, but that wasn't quite satisfying for Alicia – or for him. Nia was still already asleep when he came home and he himself was even more tired than before so he would fall asleep right after coming home. He hadn't had a real conversation with his wife for over a week. And he knew he couldn't go on like that forever. And apparently he wasn't the only one who thought that.

"This has to stop." Alicia told him one morning when he stepped out of the bathroom. He had gotten out of bed an hour earlier than usual, hoping that this way he might get home an hour earlier at night.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Lee wasn't quite sure if she was mad at him for waking her or for leaving so early. But she didn't look very happy, so she had to be upset about something.

"Yes, you did. Why are you up already? You shift doesn't start for another two hours."

"I thought I'd start early today. This way I could ..."

"... come home earlier?" Alicia finished for him.

"Well, yes. That's what you want, right? And besides, I'd like to spend some time with Nia while she's still awake." Lee replied, slightly confused. It was way too early to have a conversation like this with his wife. He wasn't even really awake yet, despite the cold shower he took only minutes ago.

"Right, but it's not working. You are even more tired than before. This isn't what I wanted."

"I didn't want this either. Ali, I'm trying, I really am. I just ... there's so much to do and ..."

"I know that. But ... stop it." She said determinedly.

"What? Stop what ... I really don't know what you're talking about." He looked helpless at Alicia.

"Stop eating your meals in your office. Go to the mess ... Take Nia with you, if you have the time. I'm sure Mathilda wouldn't mind and if I don't have to work, well, let me know when you get off for lunch. And start running again in the morning – you did that for the last ten years or longer. I'm not sure since when, but you started running long before we met and I don't want you to stop doing it because of me. And if you have to see Kara to get through the day – fine. I know she's your friend and I know I'm being stupid with this whole jealousy. I know I can trust you, so ... just do what you used to do."

Speechless Lee looked at Alicia . This was so not what he had expected. For days he had been waiting for her to start yelling at him that he still hadn't had more time for her. And now this. "You're sure about it?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yes, absolutely sure. Now get your running gear and go." Alicia tried to look earnest but at the utter relief flashing over Lee's face, she couldn't hide her smile.

"You know I love you, right?" Lee said as he pulled her into an embrace.

"Too bad I love you too." Despite her words her smile got only broader before she kissed him. "Now go."

"Aye, aye, Sir." Lee laughed and quickly changed into his running gear. He hadn't even realized how much he missed his morning jog, but after a few minutes he could feel most of the tension that had built up inside of him the past few weeks leave his body.

He was almost done with his jog, when he was called to CIC. Swearing he quickened his step and, when he reached his quarters, quickly changed into his uniform.

"What's the rush?" Alicia asked.

"I was called to CIC. As my shift doesn't start for over an hour, I figure something happened." He replied quickly.

Smiling Alicia watched him putting on his uniform. "Thank you."

"What for?" Lee looked at her surprised.

"For being so honest and telling me that something might be wrong."

"Oh, uh ... no problem." Lee stuttered. He hadn't even thought about that when he had given his answer. Apparently he was learning to trust her ability to stay strong faster than he thought. "I gotta go. Bye." He gave her a kiss before he quickly left for CIC.

* * *

"Commander, Colonel." Lee saluted his commanding officers before he came right to the point. "What happened?"

"Captain." Adama nodded towards his son. "Half an hour ago a Cylon was captured on the Geminon Traveler. He claims he has planted a nuclear bomb."

"On the Galactica?" Lee groaned inwardly. He still remembered the search for the missing detonator after the explosion of the water tanks. It had taken forever.

"No, somewhere in the fleet. The Cylon hadn't been very cooperative when it came to the whereabouts of the bomb. He'll only tell if he's allowed to talk to the President. And that won't happen." Adama said determinedly.

"So we have to search the whole fleet." It was more a statement than a question. This was going to be a very long day. "How much time do we have?"

"15 hours, 23 minutes. I want you to lead Team 1. You will search the Geminon Traveler, the Rising Star and the Prometheus. Hopefully we'll find the bomb before it's too late."

"Raptor 7 is waiting for you in the hangar bay." Tigh told him.

"Yes, sir." Lee saluted them both again and went back to his quarters to get his flight suit.

* * *

When Lee stepped into his quarters, he hoped that Alicia had already gone to sickbay. He didn't feel comfortable telling her about the bomb. Even though it wasn't very likely, the bomb could be on Galactica. He knew she would be scared about that and he still had the urge to protect her from all worries. But he couldn't keep this information from her – not after their last fight. Apparently he wasn't used to trust her strength that much after all.

"Hey, you're back quick." Alicia said surprised when she saw him.

"Uhm, yeah, I gotta get my flight suit."

"You have CAP?"

No, I ... I'm leaving Galactica. We're searching the ships and it's protocol for a pilot to be in a flight suit when I'm in a raptor or viper. Not that it's dangerous, it's just ..."

"Protocol." Alicia finished for him.

"Right." Lee smiled at her. "So, when does your shift in sickbay start?"

Alicia knew he was keeping something from her. And if he didn't tell her after their last fight, it had to be really bad. "I still have two hours. Should I go there earlier in case something happens?"

Sighing Lee looked at her. He should have known she would sense that something was wrong. "There's a bomb on one of the ships. We don't know which, so we have to search all of them. We have the Cylon who planted it in custody, hopefully we'll get more information out of him." He could see the fear in Alicia's eyes and quickly pulled her close to him. "I don't want you to worry, okay? It's very likely that we'll find the bomb before it goes off. There is still plenty of time. We don't even know for sure if there even is a bomb. Cylons aren't really that trustworthy." He said smiling in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit.

"You don't have to cheer me up. I can handle this." Alicia said in a strong voice. She didn't feel that strong really. In truth she wanted to grab her daughter and hide under the bed until this situation was solved. But she had told Lee she could handle the truth and she would prove to him that that hadn't been a lie. So she would leave Nia in Mathilda's care and go to work, just like on any other day. "Do you know when the bomb is supposed to explode?"

"In approximately 15 hours." Lee said hesitantly.

"Okay, good to know." Alicia forced herself to smile. She thanked the gods that her shift would be long over by then and she would be with Nia right here in their quarters.

"I have to go now." Lee hesitated a second. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Just go and find that bomb in time."

"I will." Lee promised and gave her another kiss.

* * *

The first ship Lee was supposed to search was the Geminon Traveler. As the Cylon was captured on that ship, it was likely that he had planted the bomb there. Lee was surprised when he saw Kara stepping onto the Raptor right before the start. "I didn't know you were on my team."

"I'm not. I'm supposed to interrogate the Cylon. Did you know it's a copy of Leoben Conoy, the Cylon your father encountered on Ragnar?"

"No, I didn't. Are you sure you're up to it? I mean, your knee isn't really healed yet and should he attack you ..."

"Should _it_ try to attack me, it would be stupid. _It _will be shackled and handcuffed and there will be marines in the room. I'm not taking any risks there. I just want to help find the bomb." Kara replied determinedly. She was sick of people treating her different because of her injury. She couldn't wait for the day when she was allowed to fly vipers again.

"Did you volunteer for this?" Lee asked surprised.

"No, your father asked me. But I'm grateful he did. I really need some time off Galactica."

"And interrogating a Cylon is the best chance for that." Lee replied smiling.

"Exactly. I can let some steam off too if he gets cylonish on me."

"Cylonish?" Lee chuckled. "That's not even a word."

"Well, it should be. How else are we supposed to call their behavior?"

"How about cruel, mean, inhuman, brutal ..." He would have come up with more words for the Cylons, but their raptor had already docked on the Geminon Traveler and they left the raptor. "Be careful okay?"

"As always." Kara said, giving him her trademark grin. "And the same goes to you. If you find the bomb, try not to play the hero for a change and let the marines do the job."

Lee's only respond was his raised eyebrow before he gave her one of those smiles that made her fall in love with him. He nodded at her shortly and left with the marines to search the ship.

Kara only walked a few feet before she froze in her tracks. Made her fall in love with him? She did not just really think that, did she? She wasn't in love with Lee, he was like a brother to her. Okay, maybe not a brother, more like a friend. Her best friend. Her best _married_ friend. She couldn't be in love with him. Although that would explain her strange dreams and feelings lately. There wasn't a night in which she didn't dream of Lee. It weren't always romantic dreams, but sometimes ... And it would explain her jealousy of Alicia. Gods ...

"Lieutenant, is everything all right?" The crew member who was supposed to take her to the ship's Captain asked worried at her pale appearance.

"What? Oh, yes, everything's all right." She assured him quickly. Yeah, everything was all right, except that she was in love with Lee Adama. When did that happen?

* * *

It took them over four hours to search the whole ship. There was no trace of the bomb. Disappointed, Lee and his team went on to the Rising Star. After another five hours they didn't find any bomb there either. Lee's next and last station on this ship was sickbay. It wasn't really a sickbay, not like they had on the Galactica, just a room where the sick and injured people were brought, so that it would be easier to take care of them. Most of them didn't even have real beds. They lay on blankets on the cold floor. They looked terrified at the marines searching the room and Lee felt miserable for making their situation even worse, even if it was only for a short while. Suddenly his eyes fell on a woman lying nearby who looked slightly familiar. She was about his mother's age and had blond hair. Where had he seen her before? Suddenly it hit him – on one of the seldom birthdays his father had celebrated at home he had invited Saul Tigh and his wife, Ellen. And this woman looked exactly like her, a few years older, but the resemblance was remarkable. Could it really be her?

"Ahem, excuse me." He asked one of the women who took care of the patients. "Do you know this woman's name?"

"No, I'm sorry. She's been unconscious since she came here. Head injury. And she didn't have any papers with her."

"Thank you." Lee smiled at her gratefully.

"Captain, the room is clear and the other teams report they haven't found anything either. Should we proceed to the Prometheus?" John Hanson, one of the marines, had approached him.

"Yes, let's go." Lee looked one last time at the woman. He almost hoped it wasn't her. His last encounter with Ellen Tigh hadn't been very comfortable. He would tell his father about it. Let him look into it. The less he had to see from Ellen Tigh, the better.

* * *

The result on the Prometheus was the same as on the other two ships – they didn't find the bomb. It was already late and they had less than an hour to find it. Lee just hoped the other teams had been more successful. But he figured if they had he would have heard. Well, if they didn't find the bomb soon, they wouldn't have to worry about the search anymore – they would know on which ship it had been.

Lee was on his way back to the raptor to call Galactica about the search when he was approached by a woman.

"You're a pilot, right?" The woman said to him in a soothing voice.

"Uhm, yes, I am. Can I help you in any way?" Lee asked confused.

"Well, I was actually wondering if maybe I could help you? It must be very lonely on such a big ship as the Galactica with all your fraternization rules." She smiled at him.

If Lee had any doubts before, they were now gone. He knew exactly what the woman wanted and what kind of business she was part of.

"I'm happily married and have a daughter. I don't need any more company." He replied as polite as he could.

"Oh, I have a daughter too. If you'd take me with you to Galactica, they could be playmates." Her smile got even broader. " And should you ever feel the need, we could be playmates too."

"I don't think so, but thanks." Lee chuckled. The idea of Nia having another child to play with was tempting, but he didn't think that Alicia would be too pleased if he came back to Galactica with a prostitute.

"Well, if you ever change your mind, just ask for Shevon. Don't forget." She traced her finger along his chest and gave him a last seductive smile. Then she left and went to the next lonely looking man.

Lee shook his head on his way back to the raptor. One would think that after the end of the world people would start to think over their life and try to do something useful. But some things just never change. As long as there were enough customers, there would be women desperate enough to sell themselves to them. Lee felt sorry for Shevon's child. He hoped the kid didn't know too much about what his or her mother did to provide their living.

* * *

When Lee was back on Galactica, he went straight to CIC. It was only a few minutes before the bomb was supposed to explode. Anxiously they all waited for something to happen – either to feel the vibration of an explosion on the Galactica or get a call for help from one of the civilian ships.

But nothing happened. Several minutes after the time had ran out, Lee allowed himself to relax. The Cylon had lied. There was no bomb. They had just wasted a whole day searching for nothing.

"Contact the Geminon Traveler." Adama ordered Petty Officer Dualla. "Tell them to let Lieutenant Thrace know that the Cylon lied about the bomb. She is to end the interrogation and airlock the Cylon. We wasted enough time and effort on that thing." When he was finished, Adama turned towards his son. "You look tired. It was a long day. Go home to your family. The reports can wait until tomorrow."

Lee wanted to object first. There was a huge pile of paperwork waiting for him on his office desk. But the idea of being with Alicia and Nia now was too tempting. He would simply skip his morning run again tomorrow and start working on his reports first thing in the morning.

"Thanks. If I may say so, Sir, you look pretty tired too. Maybe you should also call it a day."

Surprised, Adama looked at his son. He wasn't used to such familiarity and worry from Lee towards him. But he liked it. It felt good to have someone worry of him for a change. "I will." He replied smiling. "As soon as I know the Cylon is dead."

"Well, knowing Kara, that shouldn't take too long. Good night."

"Good night, son."

Smiling Adama watched his son leave CIC. He more and more enjoyed those little family moments with Lee. There hadn't been many of them, despite the fact that Lee had been on his ship for over a month now. But he was sure there were more to come and he was looking forward to them. After Zak's funeral he had thought he had lost his family. And he had thought he was okay with that and Galactica had become his new family. Now he knew he was wrong. Having Lee back in his life – and with him his wife and daughter – meant more to him than he would have ever imagined.

* * *

Even though Lee had planned to get back to his quarters right away, he was held up by several pilots who had tons of questions and complaints. Sighing, Lee listened to each one of them – he had only been gone a day, how many problems could have come up in that time? Over an hour later he had satisfied the last pilot and was just about to leave the hangar bay, when he saw Kara stepping out of a raptor. He decided he could spare a few more minutes and went over to her.

"Hey, how did it go with the interrogation? Did you kick his ass?" He asked grinning.

Kara hesitated a moment before she replied. "Mindfrakking. You should add that to your list."

"List?"

"With words for the Cylon's behavior. They are definitely mindfrakking."

"Are you okay?" Lee glanced worried at her. He had seldom seen her look so ... vulnerable.

"I'm not so sure." Kara replied. A single tear rolled down her face.

When Lee saw that, he didn't hesitate long and pulled her into the next storage room.

"What are you doing?" Kara looked at him surprised. Lee pulling her into the nearest storage room had been one of her more frequent recurring dreams. He would pull her into a tight embrace and give her a long and intense kiss before ...

"Let's talk." Lee said determinedly, pulling Kara out of her thoughts.

"Right." She quickly shook her head to get the dream out of her mind. "What about?" She asked confused. This whole storage room situation made her mind slightly fuzzy and she had almost forgotten about how awful her day had been.

"About whatever is bothering you." Lee chuckled.

"Oh uhm ..." This would be the perfect opportunity to tell him how much she thought she was in love with him – she still couldn't really believe that she loved him. But he was still happily married and had a beautiful, wonderful daughter who loved her father more than anything in her world and still needed both her parents, so she stayed quiet. And instead she told him about Leoben. He was the other thing making her feel so miserable.

Lee listened silently to Kara as she spoke. He had a hard time understanding her sympathy for that Cylon, but Kara always had a soft spot, even though she was always good at hiding it. That toaster had obviously known how to push the right buttons to get behind her walls. He wondered where it got its information from? He'd always thought there was at least one more Cylon spy on the Galactica and this was just another proof for that.

"You know, he said I have a destiny."

"I always knew you were something special." Lee smiled at her.

"He knew so many things about me. He even knew about my mother ..."

"Don't let this toaster frak with your mind, Kara. They have spies everywhere. They have access to every file on Caprica. There are a hundred ways he could have found out."

"He?" Kara said mockingly.

"It."

Kara suddenly didn't want to talk about the Cylon anymore and searched her mind for something else to talk about. "I saw you running this morning. I thought you stopped."

Lee was surprised at the sudden change of subject, but he could see that Kara was exhausted, so he decided not to push her for any more information. "I figured it was time to start again. And I have to say, it's much more fun without you talking to me all the time."

"Well, don't get used to it. I'll be back by your side sooner than you think." Kara grinned at him.

"Don't rush it." He said teasingly. He was relieved to see that Kara seemed to be feeling better.

They sat together and talked more for a few hours. They didn't even notice how much time had passed and when Lee finally checked the chronometer on the wall, he immediately jumped up. "Frak, it's almost morning. Ali is going to kill me."

"Just tell her you needed to help one of your pilots. Knowing you, she wouldn't be angry for that. Oh, and don't forget to tell her that you did a good job at helping that pilot." Kara smiled gratefully at him.

"I did?"

"Yep, definitely." She said, still smiling warmly at him.

Lee returned her smile. "Good night, Kara."

"Good night, Lee."

When Lee had left the room, Kara could feel the tears well up in her eyes again. But this time it wasn't because she felt sorry about Leoben's death. She cried because Lee was going back to his family now. And she was alone again. She hated self-pity, but right now she couldn't do anything about it. She had finally realized what she felt for Lee, but now it was too late. For the first time she wondered if the choice they had made years ago, that it was best to stay just friends and nothing more, had been the right choice. She wondered what her life would be like, if after that one night she had spent with Lee so many years ago she had had the courage to tell him that she was already falling in love with him then.

Tbc

A.N.: Thanks a lot to laurie31 for getting this chapter so quickly back and of course for taking the time to beta read it :-) Thanks to everyone else for your reviews, it's good to know that you still like this story. Thank you for reading and please keep reviewing :-)


	12. Tigh Me Up, Tigh Me Down

Two hours after Lee fell asleep, he had to get up again. Groaning, he turned of the alarm and turned to the other side.

"You have to get up, Lee, you'll be late." Alicia mumbled after a while. She was almost as tired as Lee as she had been waiting all night for him to come home. She had only fallen asleep shortly before he finally came.

"I'm almost up." Lee replied yawning. It took him another few minutes before he finally crawled out of bed. He took an extra cold shower to get more awake, but it only worked to a certain degree. He was still feeling tired when he stepped out of the bathroom, but at least he could keep his eyes open.

"Did you find the bomb?" Alicia asked while she watched her husband getting dressed.

"There was no bomb. The Cylon lied." Lee replied quietly.

"So it was all for nothing? Frakking Cylons."

"Hey, watch your language." Lee chuckled, pointing at their still sleeping daughter. "It wasn't just the Cylons that kept me. When I got back to Galactica, there was a long line of pilots waiting for me with hundreds of complaints. I can't leave those nuggets alone for one day."

"Burden of command." Alicia replied teasingly.

"It's never easy." Lee said grinning. "I have to go. Have a nice day." He kissed her good bye and went to leave the room. Before he closed the hatch behind him, he saw his wife turning back to sleep. He immediately envied her for that. He would have given anything for a few more hours of sleep.

On the way to his office he thought about why he hadn't told Alicia that he had stayed up most of the night to talk to Kara. He had just been trying to help a friend, surely his wife would understand that. And she had admitted that her jealousy was ridiculous. But that didn't mean she wasn't still jealous. He told himself that it had probably been best not to tell her.

XXXXXXX

Lee had gotten Kara to take his morning briefing, so he could catch up with the paperwork from the last day. It took him most of the day to finish his reports, but eventually he was done. He had had even time to take a meal with Nia and Alicia in the mess. It had been a nice break from writing reports and schedules all day.

Yawning, he collected his reports and left his office to bring them to his father. He should be in his office by now, so Lee could take that chance to tell him about Ellen Tigh – if it really was her. When he knocked on the hatch to the commander's quarters, his father called him in.

"Good evening, Commander. Here are the reports you have been waiting for." Lee said as he handed the papers to his father.

"Thanks." Adama looked unhappy at the reports in his hands. Would the paperwork ever end? "Didn't your shift end hours ago?" He looked questioningly at his son. He had noticed the dark rings under Lee's eyes. He looked tired.

"You had me searching for that bomb all day yesterday, so I had a lot to catch up." He paused a moment before he continued. "Speaking of that, uhm, I saw this woman on the Rising Star ..."

"A woman? Remember you're married, Lee." Adama joked.

"Not that kind of woman, Dad. At least not really. I think it was Ellen Tigh."

"Ellen? Are you sure?" Adama exclaimed surprised.

"Almost. She looked a lot like her. Apparently she has been unconscious since the attacks due to a head injury. She had no papers with her, so no one knows her name." Lee explained.

Adama thought about his son's words for a while. Finally he made a decision. "Have you talked to Tigh yet?"

"No, I wanted to hear your opinion first." Lee replied. The truth was that he didn't fell comfortable around Tigh. The man wasn't a bad XO, but the less time he had to spend with him, the better.

"Don't tell him. I'll look into it. If it's really her, a few more days of him not knowing about her won't do much harm."

"Okay .. If there is nothing else, I go to my quarters. I'm looking forward to a good night sleep."

"Didn't you get enough sleep last night? I thought you went to your quarters right after you left CIC? I hope everything is all right with Alicia and Nia?" Adama asked worried.

"Yes, they're all right. I was planning on going right home, but ... something came up. You know how it is."

"Yes, I know that." Adama looked at his son thoughtfully. He had the feeling that there was more to that story than Lee had said, but he wasn't going to push for it. Knowing Lee, that would be useless anyway.

"Good night, Dad."

"Good night, son. Give my granddaughter a kiss from me."

"I will." Lee said before he stepped out of the room.

XXXXXXX

Two weeks later Lee had almost forgotten about Ellen Tigh as his father hadn't brought the subject up again. He had just returned from CAP where he had encountered a very erratically behaving raider. Every time Lee had come close to shooting it, the raider had jumped away, only to reappear at another spot near the fleet. It kept jumping several times without trying to attack any ships. As Lee had managed to damage the ship, it was assumed that that was the reason why the raider couldn't jump back to its base and therefore it was decided to put a raptor and two vipers out to watch it. They were hoping to collect some data about the raider that might help them with the raider currently standing in their hangar bay.

When Lee climbed out of his viper, he handed his helmet to Cally.

"Sir, Commander Adama has asked to see you." She told him.

"Thanks, Cally."

He found his father standing next to Kara and Chief Tyrol. They were all watching a monitor, reading the data about the Cylon raider they had collected so far.

"You wanted to see me, Sir?"

"Stay on it." Adama said to Kara and Tyrol, then he turned to Lee. "It's about our dinner plans tonight ..."

Alicia had finally managed to invite everyone for the family dinner she had been planning for weeks. Lee hoped his father wasn't going to cancel it. Alicia was already so excited about it. She had also invited Mathilda, because she wanted him and his father to get to know her better.

"Don't tell me you can't make it." Lee said.

"No, no, I'm not canceling. It's just, uhm, I invited some more people." Adama looked uncomfortably at his son.

"Who?"

"Well, there is President Roslin and ..." Adama cleared his throat. "... the Tighs."

"_The_ Tighs?" Lee looked at him stunned.

"Remember when you told me about that woman on the Rising Star? Well, you were right ... It is Ellen Tigh. I brought her to the Galactica today. She's with Saul right now."

"Uh, great." Lee said half-heartedly. Even though he was happy for Tigh that he was reunited with his wife, having Ellen Tigh back in his life wasn't really good news – the last and only family dinner he had with her still brought back very unpleasant memories.

"I thought that it might be best if you didn't bring Nia." Adama said, looking even more uncomfortable.

"What? Dad, it's a _family_ dinner."

"I know, it's just ... Do you really want her to meet Ellen Tigh?"

Sighing Lee had to agree with his father. Having Ellen Tigh getting her claws on his daughter was the last thing he wanted. "Alright, but you're telling Alicia."

"What?" Now it was Adama's turn to look surprised.

"We're finally not arguing about anything right now. I'm not jeopardizing that. You invited the Tighs, so you're telling my wife!" Lee said determinedly.

XXXXXXX

Hesitantly Adama stood in front of sickbay. He wished he had insisted on Lee breaking the news to Alicia. He was his commander after all. But as this was a family matter, he could hardly pull rank on Lee.

He hadn't known Alicia for very long, but if she was in any way like all the other women he knew, she would be angry with him. Very angry. He hadn't seen her angry yet, but he had heard the rumors that Lee had to spend the night in his office once. Now, Alicia couldn't throw him out of his quarters, but she surely would come up with something to make him pay for this.

"Can I help you, Commander?" A nurse had seen him standing in the corridor and had wondered why he didn't come in.

"Uh, yes." Adama cleared his throat. "I'm looking for my daughter-in-law, Alicia Adama."

"She's in the room over there, sorting the medications. If I may say so, Sir, you have an amazing daughter-in-law. She never stops working when she's here, not for a second, and she's always looking for more work. I'm really glad she decided to work here. She's a tremendous help." The nurse told him excitedly.

"I'm glad to hear that." Adama replied. He hadn't really listened to her as he was already searching for the right words to tell Alicia about their new guests for tonight.

Slowly he walked over to the room the nurse had pointed to and opened the hatch.

"Hello Alicia." Again he cleared his throat and forced himself to smile at her.

"William, hello, what brings you here? Did something happen?" She asked worried. She immediately feared that something had happened to Lee. She knew he had CAP this morning and she heard rumors about a Cylon Raider, but as they hadn't heard the alarms she didn't worry much. But seeing her father-in-law now brought those worries up again.

"No, no, nothing happened." Adama assured her. He still wasn't accustomed to being called William. He had tried to get her call him Bill – as most of his friends did – or Dad even, but she hadn't felt comfortable calling him either of these names and since as his daughter-in-law she couldn't keep calling him Commander, they had eventually agreed on William. Clearing his throat once again, Adama continued. "It's about tonight, um ..." He quickly told her about the new dinner guests and explained to her why he didn't want Nia to come. He could see that she got more upset with every word he said.

"But it was supposed to be a _family_ dinner! Besides, I already invited Mathilda. I wanted you and Lee to get to know her better. If Nia isn't coming, who's supposed to watch her?" Alicia angrily glared at him after he had finished.

Uncomfortably Adama stared at his hands. "Maybe you could explain the situation to her? I'm sure she'd understand and we can invite her the next time, then ..."

"Explain the situation?" Alicia interrupted him angrily. "You want me to tell her that we invited the Tighs, people I hardly know, to a family dinner, therefor Nia, _our daughter_can't come and that's why she can't come either?"

"Well, if you put it that way ... Maybe you could find another sitter?"

"Another sitter?" Alicia glared at him angrily.

"I heard Petty Officer Dualla watched Nia a few times. I'm sure she would ..."

"Petty Officer Dualla has a date tonight with the President's advisor." Alicia snapped at him. She and Dualla had become friends as Dualla had come by her quarters from time to time so see after Nia. They often took lunch together at the mess and just an hour ago Dualla had told her excitedly about her date with Billy. The President apparently had some business to attend to on Galactica and he had the night off. Well, now she knew what that business was – a family dinner with the Adamas.

"Oh, well, what about Kara? I'm sure she ..." He stopped talking when he saw the fury well up in Alicia's eyes at the mention of Kara's name. "I ... I just thought ... Lee said Nia liked her and ..." William Adama was seldom at a loss of words, but seeing this angry woman in front of him left him speechless.

"Lee talked to you about that?" She hissed.

"Uhm, yes ..." Adama knew that somehow he had just gotten his son into trouble. He had no idea how, but on the bright side, if Alicia was angry at Lee, she might forget about her anger at him.

"Fine, I'll ask Kara. If you excuse me now. I have to get this finished." Without looking at her father-in-law anymore, Alicia turned back to the meds cabinet.

XXXXXXXX

Alicia had seen Kara's name on Cottle's patient list for today. She had an appointment with him to check on her knee. As soon as Alicia saw Kara stepping into sickbay, she went straight to her.

"Kara, hi. ... How's the knee?" She asked, trying to sound nice. She would make her father-in-law pay for this. She wasn't exactly sure how yet, but she would think of something.

"Hi. Uh, it's better, thanks." Kara looked surprised at the woman in front of her. She had hardly spoken a word with Alicia since she got onboard. She wondered why she would approach her all of a sudden. She suddenly got scared that maybe somehow Alicia knew what she felt for Lee. She hadn't talked about it with anyone, not even Sharon, who was the closest she got to a best friend. And she had tried to stay away from Lee as often as possible. It wasn't easy, but she was convinced it was better that way. The less she saw of him, the faster those feelings she had for him would disappear.

"I need to ask you a ... favor." She quickly explained the situation to Kara. She practically had to force the last words out. "If you have the time, I ... we thought that you might want to watch Nia for tonight."

Kara looked at Alicia, astounded. That was the last thing she expected. And it definitely didn't fit with her plan to avoid Lee. But she really adored Nia and she hadn't seen the little girl in a while, not since her stay in sickbay. And helping Lee out – and Alicia – how could she say no to that? She still owed him for staying up all night and talking to her after her interrogation of Leoben. She knew he had already been exhausted then and because of their talk hardly got any sleep. He had looked hardly awake when she had run into him the next morning and he had asked her to cover his pilot briefing so he could catch up with his paperwork. And she would only see him for a few minutes. Hello, everything's all right, good night. In and out. The time she had to spend with him during briefing took longer. It really shouldn't be a problem.

"Sure, I'll watch her. I'm glad to spend some time with her again." She smiled at Alicia.

XXXXXXX

Even though Alicia was angry at Lee for telling his father that Nia practically adored Kara Thrace, she hadn't forgotten her anger towards her father-in-law.

Sighing, Adama looked at the plate in front of him. Somehow Alicia had managed to get the cook to make the one meal Adama hated the most. It wasn't that it was bad food, in fact most people liked it, it was just that Adama simply had a huge dislike of it his whole life. He remembered that his wife had always cooked it every time she had been mad at him – Lee must have told Alicia about it. He practically had to force down every bite of it. When he glanced over to Alicia, she gave him her sweetest smile, but her eyes blinked mischievously. Lee only shrugged at him apologetically.

The evening progressed slowly and the dinner turned out to be even worse than expected. Neither Ellen nor Saul was sober when they arrived and they were out right drunk by now. Ellen was just telling them all about the public opinion she managed to experience in the short time she had been awake since her coma.

"Sure, there's a lot of whining and complaining, like you would expect. But the people I talked to are mostly hopeful and optimistic." She told them smiling.

"That's good to hear." Roslin forced herself to return the smile. She had never met a more awful person than Ellen Tigh in her life and even though she didn't like Saul Tigh, not even he deserved a wife like her.

"Mmm, well ..." Ellen's face suddenly grew more serious – at least as serious as a drunk woman could get. "There are a few people who still might wonder if a kindergarten teacher is really the right person to be President, but it's just a tiny, tiny minority."

"Wonderful, wonderful." Roslin gave Ellen her most polite smile she only reserved for people she truly disliked. Lee smiled at her sympathetically.

Alicia nearly choked on her food at hearing Ellen's words and Mathilda patted her back sympathetically. She was relieved that Lee and Alicia had decided to leave Nia in their quarters. She only knew the little girl for a short time, but she already loved her dearly. She hoped that Nia would never come near that horrible woman. Mathilda just wished they had asked her to watch Nia tonight. Even though she had been grateful for the invitation, this was probably the worst dinner she had ever attended to, despite the good food.

Of course Ellen was totally unaware of all that. "Everyone is so truly, truly grateful to all of you on Galactica. You, you literally are our saviors." She exclaimed dramatically, patting Adama slightly on the arm.

"Oh, we're just doing our jobs, that's all." Tigh said.

"You are so modest." Ellen slapped her husband's arm in a playful manner. "He's always been that way. Oh ..." Her attention suddenly shifted. "Lee, could I trouble you for a little bit more of this lovely ambrosia?"

"Sure." As Roslin had, Lee forced himself to smile, always the polite officer.

"Thank you, dear." Ellen smiled at him sweetly.

Again Alicia nearly choked. It had been a long time since anyone had called her husband "dear", in fact she couldn't remember anyone ever calling him that.

"Bill, you must be so proud of your sons." Ellen continued. "Lee has grown into such a handsome man. I can only imagine what Zak must look like now." She intently looked at Lee as she spoke, never leaving her eyes of him. "You are the spitting image of your mother and I bet Zak takes just after his daddy."

Both Lee and Adama froze at that remark. Alicia took Lee's hand and squeezed it slightly. He gave her a grateful smile and returned the squeeze more tightly. Thinking of Zak still hurt too much.

"Zak passed away a couple of years ago." Adama said quietly.

"I'm sorry. Tragic, the death of a child. There's been so much death, so much pain ... sometimes it's completely overwhelming. But I'm sure he was a beautiful boy." Ellen tried to give her condolences, but it didn't sound very convincing.

Lee suddenly squeezed Alicia's hand more tightly.

"Ow!" She called out quietly, looking surprised at her husband.

"Sorry." He mumbled, staring uncomfortably at his plate.

Adama didn't want Ellen to continue to talk about Zak, so he quickly changed the subject. He had wanted to bring this up anyway sometime tonight. Now was as good a time as ever. "The Captain of the Rising Star was a little puzzled as to how you got on board his ship." He said, looking intently at Ellen."

"Oh, I know, I know some thoughtful soul just rescued me from an almost certain death and put me on the last flight out of Picon." Ellen replied, giggling between her words. .

"How lucky for us all." Roslin said. She hadn't been able to hide the sarcasm that was practically dripping form her voice.

In his drunken state Tigh was totally unaware of it though. "It is indeed." He exclaimed.

"The strange thing is, no one can recall given you any medical assistance until about two weeks ago." Adama continued.

"Oh, I know, I know. It's a miracle I'm alive!" Ellen replied overwhelmed.

Alicia had noticed that her husband had tensed up a few minutes ago. At first she thought it was because of the talk of Zak, but they had changed the topic and he still hadn't relaxed. She wondered what was bothering him, when he suddenly jumped up and backed away from the table. Surprised everyone looked at him – everyone except Ellen Tigh who gave him her sweetest smile.

"Ahem, I think I better ... clear some of these ... uh ... dishes." Lee said blushing.

"You are so sweet." Ellen smiled at him even more sweetly.

"Let me help you." Alicia offered and also began collecting the dishes.

"Very good. My compliment to the chef." Tigh said as he handed her his plate.

"What's wrong?" Alicia whispered to Lee.

"Later." He muttered.

Being done with Lee for the moment, Ellen turned her attention back to Adama.

"So Bill, now, the question on everyone's mind, and I do mean everyone ... is ... where is Earth and when do we get there?"

If possible, Adama's glare at Ellen even intensified. "That's classified information." He said."

"Oh, that word again!" Ellen complained loudly.

"Ellen, leave the man alone." Tigh tried to calm his wife.

"Well, come on, if there are no privileges of being an XO's wife, then what's the point? I mean, Bill, we're family here. Come on ..."

At hearing those words, Alicia suddenly thought of her endless discussions with Lee. She had practically used the same argument as Ellen when she had complained to Lee that as his wife she deserved to know information regarding Cylons threats, even if they were classified.

"Should I ever ask you for classified information again, remind me of this evening." She whispered to Lee.

"Sorry, I don't think I can. I'm planning to forget everything about this dinner as soon as we get out of here." Lee whispered back, taking a big sip from his ambrosia. Again Alicia wondered what was bothering him so much. He had seemed fine when they came here.

"The need for secrecy is paramount, Ellen." Adama explained.

Roslin thought it was time for her to take part in this conversation. She couldn't leave all the fun to Adama. "Oh, I'm sorry. Perhaps you don't know that the Cylons look like us now."

"Oh, that, yes ... yes, I knew that." Ellen replied, looking important.

"It's recent news. Most people just found out a short while ago." Roslin continued sharply.

"A thing like that would travel fast, right?" Ellen said tensely. She didn't like the tone of Roslin's voice.

"Any one of us could be a Cylon." Adama stated, a small smile on his lips.

Everyone tensed up at that statement. An uncomfortable silence lay on the room. Again Alicia grasped Lee's hand, but this time it was for her own comfort. Did her father-in-law just accuse Ellen Tigh of being a Cylon?

"Boo!" Ellen suddenly yelled, startling everyone. Then she broke out in a laughing fit, followed quickly by Tigh. Everyone else stayed quiet.

"Did you see the looks on their faces? You are too easy." She kept laughing.

Adama finally had enough. With a forced smile he got up and looked in the round. "Thank you so much for coming. It's been a wonderful evening."

"Thought it would never end." Tigh said quietly to his wife, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. Laughing he and his wife got up, quickly followed by everyone else. Suddenly Ellen looked around the floor.

"Oh ... I seem to have lost one of my shoes."

"I think it's right here." Lee said with a forced smile, picking up her shoe from his side of the table.

"Thank you." Ellen smiled at him.

"Here you are." Lee handed her the shoe, blushing at the surprised looks everyone shot his way.

Adama didn't even want to think of what Ellen Tigh's shoe was doing on that side of the table and turned to his long-time friend. "You look very, very happy."

"That's because I am very, very happy." Tigh laughed.

In the meantime Ellen leaned heavily on Lee while she put on her lost shoe again. "Thank you ... oops!" She seemed to have lost her balance and held onto him even more – grabbing his ass!

Alicia could hardly keep herself from laughing out loud at seeing her husband being the victim of Ellen Tigh's advances. She didn't think it was possible for Lee to blush even more.

"Well, it was ... uh ... it was nice to see you again." Lee pressed out.

"Oh, the pleasure's all mine." Ellen assured him. "Hope to see you again soon."

"I'm sure you will." Lee said. It sounded more like a sigh than a statement.

Finally Ellen walked tipsily to the hatch, stumbling into her husband's arms. Just before she was about to step into the corridor, she turned around again. "Oh wait, hang on, hang on, hang on ..." She called out.

Roslin, already knowing what had stopped her from leaving, grabbed the bottle of ambrosia still standing on the table and held it towards Ellen, who greedily reached for it.

"Bill, lovely evening." She called out as she finally stumbled out of the room. She almost fell over again, but again Tigh managed to catch her in time.

"I've got her." He assured everyone.

"Be careful." Adama told him.

Finally, both Tighs had left the room, leaving everyone slightly stunned behind.

Roslin was the first to find her voice again. "You actually think that woman is a Cylon?"

"Well, if she's not, then we're all in a lot of trouble." Lee replied, emptying his glass of ambrosia in one sip.

Mathilda thought it was time for her to leave now too. "Well, this has certainly been an entertaining evening." She said as she got up. "Madam President, it has been an honor meeting you in person. And as a former kindergarten teacher let me tell you, you're doing a great job keeping us all alive and going." She held her hand to Roslin, who gladly took it.

"Thank you., Mrs. Musann. It has been a real pleasure meeting you. Maybe we can repeat this some day? In a more ... private environment." Roslin said smiling.

"I'd love that." Mathilda replied, returning the smile. Then she turned to Lee and Alicia. "Thank you for inviting me and please give Nia a kiss from me."

"We will." Alicia replied smiling.

"And Commander, it was a pleasure meeting you again."

"The pleasure was all on my side, Mrs. Musann. I can only agree with the President. I hope we will meet again soon. Alicia has told me you have some interesting stories to tell." Adama replied.

"Oh, I'm sure you do too, Commander. And I'd love to hear them some day. Good bye." She waved at them all a last time and left.

"So, Lee, you never told me you were so close to the XO's wife?" Alicia said grinning after she closed the hatch behind Mathilda.

"Funny." Lee smirked at her.

"The scuttlebutt was that she slept with more than half the fleet while Saul was in space." Adama said, feeling sorry for his friend.

"Then why the hell did he stay married to her?" Lee asked.

"It's obvious." Roslin stated sighing. "He loves her deeply."

"Blindly." Adama added. "Ellen used to encourage the worst instincts in this guy. Bring out the self-destructive streak in him."

"Used to?" Both Lee and Alicia exclaimed.

They all thought about that for a moment. Finally it was Alicia who broke the silence. "If you think she's a Cylon, shouldn't she better be arrested?"

"We have no proof ... yet. But Baltar should be finished with the tests by now." Adama replied.

"The tests? Has he finished his work on the detector?" Hopefully Alicia looked at Lee.

"Come on, Ali, you don't still think Mathilda could be a Cylon, do you?" Lee asked stunned.

"Well ... no, it's just ..." Alicia stammered.

"She's taking care of your daughter, it's only understandable you want to be sure." Roslin said. "I will talk to Dr. Baltar that he will test her next. Only to calm you, of course. I can't imagine Mrs. Musann is a Cylon."

"Neither can I." Adama added. "But I think it's time we find out about Ellen. I'll have Baltar called to the lab."

"Thank you, Madam President." Alicia said while Adama made his call. She was truly grateful that the President was willing to help them. Even though she knew that Lee had already talked to Baltar about the test, if the President asked for it surely it would make the right impression and he would get to it even faster. She didn't really think that Mathilda could be a Cylon, but as Roslin had said – as a mother she needed to know for sure.

XXXXXXX

Ten minutes later they all stood in Baltar's lab.

"Look, it's not magic, it's science. If you want my results, you're gonna have to wait a while." Baltar said angrily. He was sick of people demanding him to make miracles happen. He was only human after all.

"I gave you her sample this morning." Adama responded as angrily. What was this man doing all day? Dwelling in fantasies?

"I have started and stopped the test twice already now, so I'm running a little behind." Baltar replied offended.

"Twice?" Adama looked at him surprised.

"My fault ... long story." Roslin quickly cut in before Baltar could say anything else.

"Your fault?" Adama asked with a raised eyebrow. Why did this woman always had to be in the middle of everything? He almost regretted inviting her for this dinner.

"Yes, I probably shouldn't have mentioned that." Baltar mumbled.

"No, you probably shouldn't have." Roslin said sharply, glaring intently at Adama.

"Did you tell him to stop Ellen's test?" Adama demanded to know, returning her glare angrily.

"Yes. I did." She said..

"Why?"

"Well, I had some concerns." Roslin answered evasively.

"About what?"

"In all honesty, I think it's fair to say that your behavior recently has been odd."

"My behavior? What, do you think I'm a Cylon? Me?" Adama was stunned.

Alicia felt like she was losing her mind. The President had just accused her father-in-law of being a Cylon. But if he was a Cylon, than Lee would have to be one too, at least half. And Nia ... She suddenly felt like she was going to be sick and sagged down on a nearby chair.

"You okay?" Lee asked her quietly. He was as stunned as Alicia, but unlike her he found the idea of his father being a Cylon more than ridiculous.

Alicia only nodded. Talking wasn't an option right now.

"You can't deny that you've been making these ... what are they called ... off-log calls. These mysterious trips of the ship." Roslin continued, unaware of the pale appearance of the woman next to her. All her attention was focused on Adama right now.

"Where did you hear that? Have you been spying on me, on my own ship!" Adama yelled. He struggled hard to keep control over his emotions. How dare this woman ...

"Ladies and gentlemen, please. We're in a laboratory. There are hazardous chemical compounds everywhere. That ... that's a thermonuclear bomb, for fraks sake." Baltar had felt like he should say something; this was his lab after all. He was completely ignored though.

Lee had followed the discussion silently so far and even though he didn't believe Roslin's accusations, her remark about his father taking off-logged trips of the ship had stunned him. "What? What do you mean, unlogged mysterious trips? What's going on?" He asked confused.

"I had to go to the Rising Star and I didn't want Tigh to know about it." Adama explained.

"Why not?" Lee wanted to know.

"Because whether or not his wife is a Cylon, she's nothing but trouble and I wanted to keep her away from him as long as I could."

"Well, then, why did you bring her on board the ship?" Lee asked, rolling his eyes. He really wished his father had left her on the Rising Star. That would have made his life a lot easier.

"Because she's his wife!" Adama replied determinedly. "I couldn't refuse her access to her own husband without causing suspicion. Besides, I wanted her close to me."

At that moment the Tighs stepped into the lab. They hadn't heard much of the conversation except the last sentence.

"I told you! I told you he wanted me." Ellen cut in dramatically. Everyone stared at her astounded.

"Oh lovely." Baltar groaned. He felt like he was in the middle of a soap opera.

"What the hell's going on? You have been secretly visiting my wife?" Tigh demanded to know.

"No! Yes ... but it's complicated." Adama admitted. He felt guilty for betraying his friend, not with her, but about her. And for the hundredth time this evening he wished that Lee had never found her on the Rising Star.

"I told you. He's been after me for years!" Ellen yelled, triumph evident in her voice.

"What?" Adama, as everyone else, stared at her in disbelief. Tigh looked like he would explode any minute.

"Now, boys, boys, don't fight over little old me." Ellen smiled flattered.

"Ellen, be quiet!" Roslin snapped at her. She felt disgusted by that woman's behavior. And from the look on Alicia's face, she felt the same. The men just stood helplessly, not really knowing what to do next.

"No, you don't tell me ...!" Ellen shouted at Roslin and immediately both women started to yell at each other.

"I think we should all just take a deep, deep breath!" Lee said, trying to calm everyone down..

Eventually it was Adama who got everyone quiet and listening to him. "I was afraid that she might be a Cylon. So I brought her blood over here and had it tested."

"That's why you cancelled your test?" Tigh looked at him astounded. How could he have ever believed – if only for a second – that Adama was a Cylon? That was as ridiculous as to think his wife was a Cylon.

"How'd you know about that?" Adama asked surprised.

But Tigh ignored his question and turned angrily to the President. "You didn't tell me he was testing my wife!"

"You met with the president?" Adama glared angrily at his XO. He had only begun to get used to Lee being the President's m_ilitary advisor_ and now Tigh was going behind his back with her too? What was it about this woman that she could pull all the people closest to him onto her side?

"Yes." Tigh admitted with gritted teeth. "She thought you might be a Cylon."

"I know." Adama sighed. Both he and Tigh looked angrily at Roslin, who returned their glare in a cold demeanor.

Before anyone could say anything else, Adama, Tigh and Lee were called to CIC over the PA speaker.

"Great." Adama mumbled before he quickly left the lab, followed by Tigh.

"I'll see you later, Ali." Lee squeezed her hand quickly before he followed his commanding officers. He was more than glad that this part of the evening was finally over. He would have preferred any Cylon fight to this dinner.

"Well, I'll be going too. It has been a splendid evening. Good night everyone." Ellen smiled at Roslin and Alicia. The she looked slightly seductive at Baltar. "Doctor." She waved at him and left the room.

"So, what did just happen here?" Alicia asked after a moment.

"What I feared would happen, only I didn't think that we would take part in it so easily." Roslin sighed. "Everyone is accusing everyone else of being a Cylon."

Both women stayed quiet for a while as they reflected on everything that had happened tonight. Finally Roslin turned to Baltar.

"Doctor, I need to ask one more favor from you. There is someone else I'd like to get tested ..."

"That won't be necessary, Madam President." Alicia interrupted her. "I mean, if this is about Mathilda Musann."

"It is. You don't want her to be tested anymore?"

"No, not after what happened tonight. You were right. We can't run around, assuming everyone around us could be a Cylon. I trust Mathilda, I like her actually very much. And that's what's important." Alicia wasn't sure, if this really was the right decision. But Roslin was right. She couldn't run around for the rest of her life, assuming everyone around her was a Cylon. And tonight, if only for a short moment, she had even suspected her own family of being Cylons. She couldn't live like that and not having Mathilda tested was a step in the right direction.

"I'm glad you think that way." Roslin smiled at her. "Well, I guess we should call it a night then. It's time for me to return to my ship. Doctor." She nodded shortly at Baltar and then both women left the lab.

XXXXXXX

When Alicia stepped into her quarters, Kara was already waiting impatiently for her.

"Good, you're here. I heard they were all called to CIC over the speakers. I'm sure it has something to do with the Raider, so I should be there too. I hope you had a nice evening. Gotta go." Kara called the last words over her shoulder as she was already half out of the room.

Alicia closed the hatch behind her, then she checked on her daughter. Nia was sleeping peacefully in her bed. Alicia had secretly hoped that she would be crying all over when she and Lee would have returned to their quarters. It would have proved that Nia didn't feel as comfortable with Kara as Lee thought. But instead she found her daughter looking happy even in her sleep. And Lee wasn't with her, but in CIC and Kara was on her way to him and it annoyed her more than she liked to admit. She knew that was a stupid thought. They would be surrounded by lots of people. But it still bothered her.

XXXXXXX

After the jumping raider, they had watched throughout the day, had been destroyed before it was able to damage the Galactica, Lee and Kara went back to their quarters.

"So, how was dinner?" Kara wanted to know.

"Don't ask." Lee groaned.

"That bad? Did the food taste bad?" Kara laughed. All day she had envied Lee for getting a real meal for a change.

"No, the food was good. Dad hated it though. I think that was Alicia's way of paying him back for inviting the Tighs. It was the company that sucked."

Kara chuckled. Lee seldom used that kind of language; the evening must have been really bad. "What happened?"

"First of all, they were both already drunk before they even came." Lee began.

"Typical." Kara cut in, grinning.

"If you think Tigh is bad when he's drunk, you should see his wife. Gods ..." Lee shuddered at the memory. "Anyway, after some of her stupid comments, Dad practically accused her of being a Cylon, than Roslin accused him."

"The President thinks the old man is a Cylon?" Kara called out surprised.

"Who knows what gave her that idea, they never got along very well. All in all, it was one very long evening. ... And Ellen Tigh hit on me."

"She what?' Kara gasped. He couldn't have just said what she thought she heard.

"Yeah, she ... made some passes." Lee said in a strained voice.

"With Alicia right next to you?" Kara laughed. And once she started, she couldn't stop anymore. She just kept laughing. The image of Lee being harassed by the XO's wife was just too funny. "Gods, what wouldn't I give to have seen that."

"I'm glad you're enjoying this." Lee said in an angry voice. But he couldn't hide the smile spreading on his face. It was good to see Kara laugh again. She had been too quiet around him the last two weeks. He had already worried that she might have been mad at him over something, though he couldn't remember doing anything to upset her. But with Kara one never knew. But apparently it had only been his imagination. She didn't seem to be angry at all. In fact, she was still laughing.

"Kara, I have to take that corridor to my quarters. You think you can find your bunkroom in your state or do I have to accompany you?"

Kara immediately sobered at that question. She would have given anything for him to stay with her right now. If he weren't married, they could have gone to the bunkroom together, continuing their banter and then ... She forced herself to not finish that thought.

"No, I'll be fine." She said quietly. "Good night, Lee."

"Good night, Kara." Lee shot her a strange glance before he left. Her sudden seriousness troubled him. He wondered if there was something bothering her. But he was too exhausted to try to get it out of her tonight. Knowing Kara, that could take all night, and after his encounter with Ellen Tigh he just didn't feel strong enough for another round with anyone.

Kara watched Lee leaving until he disappeared around the next corner. Again she had this feeling that a part of her heart was just ripped from her. Recently she always had the same feeling every time she saw Lee going to his family. She wondered if this feeling would ever go away or if in the end nothing would be left of her heart.

Tbc

**A.N.: Sorry it took me so long to update. Thank you for still reading the story. And special thanks to Laurie for beta reading this chapter. :-)**


	13. The Hand of God

"Have you heard the President's speech today?" Alicia asked Lee. Together with Nia they sat in the mess hall, enjoying one of the seldom times they managed to get lunch together.

"About the tylium? Yes, I heard." Lee replied absentmindedly. He was busy getting Nia to eat instead of showing him every single bit of food she could find on her plate. Mathilda had tried to teach her the names of most of the food available on Galactica and now Nia proudly wanted to show her father the names she learned. They didn't always fit with the food she was pointing at, but Nia didn't know that and Lee was proud nevertheless. He just wished she would also eat the food, not just name it.

"Beans." Nia said proudly, pointing at the peas.

"Peas." Lee corrected her smiling, holding a spoon full of them in front of Nia's mouth.

"What are we going to do when the fleet runs out of it?" Alicia asked worried."

"Of peas? We still have plenty of other food. I think we can handle not having peas anymore." Lee replied, totally unaware of the actual meaning of her question.

"I meant the tylium, you ..." Alicia stopped herself. She didn't want Nia to learn any more bad words, she had already picked up too many from Kara.

"Oh, that. We're looking for it. Hopefully we'll find some soon or we'll run out of it."

"I know we're going to run out of it. What are we ..." Sighing Alicia gave up. It was useless trying to have a decent conversation with Lee while he was busy with his daughter. She sometimes wished he would pay half as much attention to her than he did to their daughter.

'Oh great! Now I'm being jealous of my own daughter. I really am pathetic." She thought, groaning inwardly.

"Noodles." Nia laughed.

"Potatoes." Lee corrected her again with a big grin on his face.

XXXXXXX

Three hours later Lee stood with Colonel Tigh in the War Room, planning an op. One of the raptor teams had finally found a tylium ore on an asteroid. The only problem was that the Cylons had found it before them. After some discussion they had agreed to attack the Cylon base on the asteroid and get the tylium anyway. And even though Lee's first suggestion had been to leave the tylium where it was and go looking for some new someplace else, he was glad that his father had decided on the attack. He was tired of just running away. It was time they showed the Cylons – and everyone else – that they could still fight.

He and Tigh had just come up with a plan, when the hatch to the war room opened and Adama and Kara stepped into the room. Lee wasn't even surprised to see her here. He should have known that his father didn't trust him to come up with a plan on his own. It annoyed him that Kara was so much closer to his own father than he. Though it wasn't surprising. They had been working closely together for the past two years, helping each other getting over Zak's death, while he had been busy hating his father and feeling betrayed by Kara for taking the post on the Galactica.

Both Lee and Tigh came to attention as Adama was their commanding officer.

"At ease, gentlemen. I brought Lieutenant Trace with me. As you all know, she's the perfect choice for out-of-the-box-thinking and that's exactly what we need right now." Adama explained.

Neither Lee nor Tigh looked too happy about Kara's presence. While Kara didn't care much about Tigh, seeing Lee's expression hurt a lot. She had been looking forward to working with him on this mission and she had thought he would feel the same way. They had always been a great team back in the academy when it came to mission planning. They had complemented each other perfectly with their ideas. But Lee didn't seem to think so anymore.

"What have you got so far?" Adama asked Lee and Tigh.

Lee immediately began explaining their plan. When he was finished, he looked expectantly at his father. He felt like a school boy again, waiting for his father's approval.

"What do you think, Starbuck?" Adama asked.

Lee felt a stab of pain at this question. Obviously Kara's opinion was more important than his own.

"It's a text-book-plan. Which is why it won't work." Kara stated dryly.

"Of course, we bow to your vast experience in strategic planning. Refresh my memory, what year was it that you graduated from war college?" Tigh asked sarcastically.

Even though Lee had been angry too at hearing Kara's words, he immediately fell into defensive mode. Kara was a genius when it came to mission planning, he knew that, and she didn't need to go to war college to prove that. He was just about to say something in her defense, but Kara beat him to it.

"What's the matter, Colonel? Married life's not all you expected?"

Those words weren't exactly what Lee would have chosen to say, but he liked them nevertheless and he had to hide his grin.

"That's enough, both of you." Adama cut in before this got out of hand. "We're not gonna win this one by the book. I let Starbuck in here because she's not weighed down by conventional thinking. All due respect, gentlemen, we're not as crazy as she is. Okay, so what would you do differently?"

Kara only had to think for a minute before she came up with a new plan. Lee and Tigh had already developed a ground plan, she just had to make a few changes. "To start, jumping Galactica in behind the planetoid to hide it from the Cylon base is an obvious move."

"You think they'll be covering their blind spot with recon patrols." Lee had already caught onto her plan and was fairly certain where she was going with this. He felt like he was back in academy with her, where they had spent hours working on test assignments.

"I would, if I were them. What we need to do is make their patrols part of our plan. You know, make their tactics work for us. Here's what I would do ..." Kara continued.

As Kara kept explaining her plan, Lee realized how much he had missed those academy days with her. He was suddenly glad that his father had brought Kara in on this. Even though he still felt hurt by his father's obvious distrust in his abilities, he enjoyed working so closely with Kara again. And he had to admit, her plan was brilliant.

XXXXXXX

The attack was supposed to take place in two days. That was enough time for everyone to prepare for the mission. Baltar had shown them where they could most likely hit the Cylon base with the most damage without destroying the tylium. Now all Lee had to decide was which pilot would fly in which group. He knew that the casualties in the group he was going to lead would be the highest as they would directly attack the base. It was the most difficult part of the attack, but he couldn't just put all the experienced pilots in this one group. As hard and cold as it sounded, losing some nuggets wouldn't hurt them as much as losing the older pilots. He would have to find a way to balance it out – it wasn't easy. He felt like he was deciding who deserved to live and who didn't.

He had just thrown his last schedule away because he still wasn't satisfied when the hatch to his office opened. Angrily he looked up – he really didn't have time for any more problems. But the anger quickly faded when he saw his wife stepping into his office.

"Are you planning to come home any time soon? It's already after midnight." She asked in a soft voice. He could see that she was worried about him. Lately she watched carefully that he didn't work too long. She had told him she didn't want to find him in sickbay again like she had after the search for Kara.

"I just have to get this finished." Lee said, pointing at the once again empty paper in front of him.

With a raised eyebrow Alicia looked at all the crumbled papers lying on the floor – he hadn't always hit the waste basket when he had thrown them away. "How many tries to you think you need?"

Sighing Lee shrugged his shoulders. "At least one more. I need to do this right."

"Just don't let it keep you all night. I'm waiting for you." Alicia leaned down to him and gave him a kiss before she left.

Lee decided he would give himself one more try to get it right – if it didn't work, he wold continue in the morning.

He ended up with three more attempts until he fell asleep on his desk.

XXXXXXX

"I know I should have stayed with you last night."

Lee's head jerked up and he looked at his wife in confusion. "What ...?"

"You fell asleep in your office. When I woke up this morning and you weren't there, I figured I'd find you here." Alicia told him.

"Frak, what time is it? I'm supposed to go over the op with Kara this morning." Lee frantically looked at his watch. "Frak! I'll be late!" He quickly jumped up, ran passed his wife, pulled the hatch open, ran back to Alicia, gave her a quick kiss and ran out again. "Sorry Ali, and thanks for waking me." He called over his shoulder. Then he quickly ran into his quarters, jumped under the shower for only a minute and after drying up threw on a fresh uniform. Then he ran to the projector room where he was supposed to meet Kara. When he arrived, he was slightly out of breath, but he had managed to get there on time – almost.

"You're late." Kara barked at him. She obviously wasn't in the best mood.

"Only a minute." Lee replied defensively after checking his watch.

"Well, I don't have all day for this." Kara snapped at him, than she started going over the details of the mission. Lee got angrier with every word she said. She spoke with him as if he was just some nugget, not her CAG and one of the best pilots they had.

"You don't think I'm up to it." He stated dryly when she was done. He tried hard to suppress the anger in his voice.

"Of course I do, you'll be fine." Kara replied quietly. It didn't sound very convincing.

"Look, you're worried that I'm not going to pull it out of the fire with some high-risk retina detaching move, the way Starbuck would. Well, Kara, I'm sorry you're not suiting up. Because believe me, everyone will feel so much better, me included, if you were riding along with us. But this isn't an ego trip, this is my job. And don't think for one moment that I will not get it done." Lee replied angrily.

Kara had no doubt that Lee would finish this mission successfully. If anyone could do it, it was him. But she couldn't tell him that. Not now. Not after the conversation she just had with Adama this morning. She was feeling so angry, angry that she couldn't fly on this mission, that she frakked up her knee. And now she felt angry for making Lee feel that he wasn't good enough in her eyes. She knew it was wrong, but she wanted him to feel the same pain she did right now.

"I hope so, cause we've got one shot. Don't frak it up by overthinking." Kara regretted the words as soon as they had left her mouth, but it was too late to take them back. She could see in Lee's eyes that her words had hurt him. She was just about to apologize, something she didn't do very often, when Alicia's voice stopped her.

"Lee, sorry to interrupt. Your daughter is demanding to see you. She won't eat unless you come. We've tried for more than half an hour. Your father joined us and he said I should pull you from this meeting; his granddaughter would be more important."

"I'm coming." Lee replied, still glaring angrily at Kara. When she didn't say anything else, he turned and left the room.

"I'll join you in a few minutes." Alicia told him when he walked passed her.

"Okay." Lee muttered. He just wanted to get away from Kara as fast as he could. Her words had really hurt. He already knew that his father trusted her more than him and he knew that everyone would feel better if she'd lead this mission. He didn't need her to tell him that. He would feel better too but he couldn't change the fact that she had hurt her knee in that frakking crash.

Alicia had also seen the insecurity in her husband's eyes and she had heard the last words spoken between him and Kara. As soon as she felt that Lee was out of earshot, she stormed towards Kara, who still stood motionless in front of the projection.

"How dare you talk to my husband like that? And right before this mission? He's already doubting himself thanks to you and his father, he doesn't need you to tell him he's going to screw this up." She yelled at Kara.

"I didn't tell him ..." Kara started, surprised by Alicia's outburst.

"You're supposed to be his best friend, at least that's what Lee keeps telling me. That means you support him, like he has done with you over and over again since we came on board this ship."

"Look, all I ..." Kara tried to defend herself, but was stopped by Alicia again.

"If he doesn't come back from this mission, it will be your fault! If he dies, it will be because he couldn't get your words out of his head. A great friend you are ..." Alicia glared at her furiously. She had talked herself in such a rage, that she couldn't get another word out.

Kara was as speechless. All the words she wanted to throw back at Alicia stuck in her mouth. Instead she just stared at her. Alicia was right – should anything happen to Lee it would be her fault. All her anger was suddenly gone. She had known he doubted himself, his ability to lead this mission. And instead of supporting him, she had only increased those doubts. She really was the worst friend one could imagine. She was suddenly glad that she had never told Lee about her feelings for him. He deserved someone better than her. Being married to Alicia was good for him, better even than to have her as a friend. When Kara didn't say anything else, Alicia turned around and stormed out.

XXXXXXX

Lee sat silently at the table, watching his daughter eat. As soon as she had seen her father, she had started eating eagerly.

"Looks like she misses having breakfast with her Dad." Adama said quietly. Even though he usually preferred to take his breakfast in his quarters, he enjoyed the seldom times he had been able so far to share it with his granddaughter in the mess.

"Yeah ..." Lee replied, not even bothering to look up. He was still watching his daughter, but the look in his eyes indicated he was miles away.

"Nervous?" Adama asked quietly. He could see that something was troubling his son and he assumed it had to do with tomorrow's mission.

Before Lee could respond, Alicia came back to the table and sat down. "So, you finally got her to eat."

"Yeah." As before, Lee only replied with this one word. But unlike Adama, Alicia knew what was troubling him. She just didn't know what she should do about it. She could tell him that she trusted him to make this mission a success and that she was sure he would come back safe to her. But her words wouldn't change anything. As much as she hated to admit it, she knew that Kara's opinion on that matter was more important to him. And the truth was, she wasn't sure herself that he would come back alive. She was scared to death that he would die out there. She would be all alone then. She didn't think she'd survive losing him.

XXXXXXX

It was already late at night and Adama was on his way back to his quarters when he ran into Alicia.

"Have you seen Lee?" She asked as soon as she saw him. "He's not in his office and he really should get some sleep before tomorrow."

Adama had to smile when he saw the worry in Alicia's eyes. He knew there was no reason for it. Lee was probably some place quiet, thinking about the mission tomorrow. Just like I would, Adama thought to himself. He had never been able to sleep before a mission himself. He couldn't deny he felt proud that Lee was at least a bit similar to him. He usually took more after his mother, except when it came to flying. That he had definitely inherited from his father.

"I think I know where he might be. Why don't you go back to your quarters, I make sure he'll follow you soon." He told her quietly.

"Oh, okay. Thanks." Alicia said hesitantly She would have preferred to get Lee herself, but she figured she would have to trust her father-in-law enough to talk to Lee. She just hoped he would be able to convince Lee that he trusted him and not make it worse than it already was. Also she hoped it wouldn't take too long. Right now she wanted Lee close to her.

A few minutes later Adama stepped in the hangar bay. As expected he found his son there, staring at his viper. It didn't look as shiny as it had the day of the decommissioning ceremony. The fights with the Cylons had clearly left their marks.

"Can't sleep?" He approached his son. "I couldn't either before a big op." Sighing he looked at the Viper. "Mark 2 ... good ship. Got me out of a lot of tough scrapes." Adama looked back at Lee, who still stared at the viper.

"Got something for you. Belonged to your grandfather." Adama said and finally Lee turned to him. Adama got out an old steel lighter and handed it to him. Lee smiled shortly. He remembered his grandfather using this lighter. It felt good to hold something that had belonged to someone he loved. He had lost everything that had ever held memories for him.

"My mom bought it for him when he was in law school. See the engraving on it?" Adama asked, glad that he finally had his son's attention.

Lee looked intently at the lighter, trying to read the inscription. "Yeah, I can barely make it out, but ..."

"He was a better father than I was." Adama said ruefully. "Dad used to carry that into court cases, claimed he never lost, unless he left it behind."

"So you're worried too." Lee replied bitterly.

That was not at all the reaction Adama had hoped for. By giving his son that lighter, he had tried to bond with him, show him his trust. "About what?" He asked confused.

"You know, sometimes it feels like the whole ship thinks Starbuck would do better."

Finally Adama understood. Lee was doubting his own abilities. He figured it hadn't been helpful that he had brought Starbuck in on the planning. But he trusted his son and he would prove him that.

"I don't." He said determinedly.

"How can you be so sure?" Lee asked, the doubt still evident in his voice.

The look in Lee's eyes reminded him of the day Lee had asked him if he would have left him behind. He had been surprised by the insecurity in Lee's eyes then. Again he regretted that he had let his relationship with his son drift so far apart that Lee would actually think he would leave him behind, that he didn't trust him when in truth Lee had never done anything to disappoint him.

"Cause you're my son." He said, looking intently at Lee. He truly hoped he had found the right words this time. "Get some rest, you're gonna need it. And your wife is already waiting for you."

Lee stared at the lighter in his hands. "Dad ..." He looked up at his father. "I'll bring it back."

"You better, or I'll kick your ass. It's a good lighter." Adama joked in an attempt to lighten the mood. He was content when he saw his son smiling.

After his father had left, Lee stayed in the hanger bay for a while longer, staring at his viper again. He felt now more than ever the pressure of being William "Husker" Adama's son. He would have to make this mission a success, not only to prove that he was able to, but also to show everyone that he was worthy of being the son of William Adama.

XXXXXXX

The mission was a complete success. The Cylon base and the remaining raiders got destroyed. They had lost many pilots that day, but today that didn't stop anyone from celebrating their victory. But they didn't just celebrate the successful mission, they were also celebrating the hero of the day – Lee "Apollo" Adama. When the Cylons had jammed their guidance system so that their missiles couldn't get near the base, Lee had flown through a conveyor tunnel to get straight into the refinery. It had been a great risk. He hadn't really believed he would get out of it alive again. Any second he had anticipated the tunnel would come to an unexpected end. But the tunnel hadn't ended and Lee came out right next to the refinery. He had fired his missiles immediately and had destroyed the base.

When Lee climbed out of his viper, he saw Kara already waiting for him. Laughing, he walked over to her, hardly noticing Cally who stood next to Kara and who hugged him joyfully, handing him a bottle of ambrosia.

"Apollo, you magnificent bastard, that was one hell of a piece of flying and I couldn't have done it better myself." Kara told him laughing, relieved to have him back. She wanted nothing more than to pull Lee into a tight embrace, make sure he was really all right and never let go of him again. She had been so afraid to lose him today and now he was standing right in front of her again – alive and breathing. But she couldn't tell him that.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." Lee teased her, unaware of her true feelings. He obviously enjoyed every second of this special moment.

Right now Kara would have given him anything he wanted. "I said that I couldn't have done it better myself." She said again. Normally she would be angry at Lee for making her repeat those words, but right now she was just too happy to have him back alive. And she enjoyed seeing him so relaxed. It was probably the first time since he came onboard that he didn't seem to worry about anything and simply enjoyed the moment.

"Well, thank you." Lee replied smiling, clinking his bottle with hers.

Inwardly Kara melted away at that smile. She always had – luckily she had enough experience over the years to hide that. Sarcasm was always her best defense against the Adama charm. "Mmm ... I had my doubts."

"So did I." Le said, looking at her intently.

"Mmm." Kara suddenly felt the guilt return for making him feel that way, for making him doubt himself. She was bracing herself for anything he would throw at her.

"I wasn't sure that crazy-ass plan of yours would even possibly work." Lee grinned at her mischievously, taking Kara by surprise. That was not what she had expected. She couldn't help but return the grin. How could it be, that no matter how much they hurt each other, in the end everything was forgiven?

"Mmm." Smiling she pulled out a cigar – it was the same one Adama had given her on her first day in sickbay. She had saved it for a special occasion – and this definitely was one. "You deserve this."

She handed the cigar to Lee, who took it gratefully. Then he pulled out his father's lighter and lit the cigar.

"Where the hell did you come up with that lighter? You just got back from the mission?" Kara laughed.

"Always prepared for everything." Lee replied grinning. Then he saw his father standing a few feet away, looking at him intently – and proudly, Lee noticed surprised. He gave his father a small smile, then he tossed the lighter back to him.

Adama had never felt so proud of his son – and so relieved. When Lee had flown into that conveyor tunnel, he had thought he had lost him. His heart had broken at the thought that he would never see his son again. Those few minutes without contact to him had probably been the longest in his life. But Lee had come back and Adama enjoyed watching him celebrating this victory with his friends. It was good to see him laugh again – a real laugh, not the suppressed, polite, controlled laugh he was used to. He watched how Kara dragged him away to follow the other pilots. They were obviously planing on taking the party to the rec room. Smiling Adama thought of his own victory parties when he was younger. He knew he should put a stop to it. They couldn't really afford to have all their pilots drunk or overly tired in the morning. But he didn't have the heart to take this away from them.

XXXXXXX

Hours after his return to Galactica, Lee finally went back to his quarters. He was looking forward to tell Alicia all about their glorious victory against the Cylons. He had been a bit disappointed that she had neither come to the hangar bay nor to the rec room later to celebrate with him. But he figured she hadn't wanted to leave Nia alone. They couldn't always put her in Mathilda's care and a room full of drunken pilots wasn't the best place for a two year old. And Kara had taken care that he still had a good time, he thought grinning.

When he stepped into his quarters, he was surprised to see that the lights were still on. Both Alicia and Nia were already asleep; Alicia must have forgotten to turn the lights off. This was unusual for her, as she always claimed she couldn't sleep with the lights on. Lee didn't put much thought to it, maybe she had let them on for him. He was still feeling high from the adrenaline and the ambrosia which he had enjoyed a lot of tonight. For a moment he thought about waking his wife to tell her everything. But then he didn't want to disturb her sleep; she hadn't slept well lately and he couldn't get himself to wake her up. He was just about to pull off his flight suit when his eyes fell on an almost empty pill box next to the bed. It wasn't like Alicia to just leave her pills lying around in the open like this. The chances of Nia crawling out of her bed and opening the box on her own were small, but you could never be too sure. He took the box from the night stand to put it back in the cabinet, when he saw that those weren't her usual pills she took every day. He couldn't even say why, but he read the inscription on the box. They were sleeping pills. He hadn't even known she took sleeping pills and the box was almost empty. A sudden fear spread through him. He quickly bent down and shook Alicia to wake her up. When she didn't respond, he could feel the panic starting to rise in him.

"Ali!" He shook her even more, but she still lay motionless on the bed. When he checked for a pulse it was hardly noticeable and her breathing was shallow.

"No ..." He whispered. For a moment he could do nothing else but stare horrified at his wife. Then he grabbed the phone and called for a med team. He hoped they would come fast. "Ali, wake up. You have to wake up!" Desperately he tried to wake her up again and again, but she didn't respond to anything. He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall down his face. He had to stay strong.

It only took the medics a few minutes to arrive at their quarters. "What happened?" Layne Ishay was shocked to see her friend and colleague lying motionless and pale on the bed, but the medic in her pushed those fears away and she concentrated on doing her job.

Lee quickly explained what happened and Layne took the necessary steps. She told the other medic to call Cottle and let him now to await them in sickbay. Then she turned back to Lee, who still sat next to the bed. "Captain, you should take care of your daughter, we'll take care of your wife."

Lee stared at her in confusion, then he looked over to his daughter. She was awake and stood in her bed, crying at the unusual commotion around her. He quickly walked to her and picked her up, holding her close to him while he watched the medics working on his wife. He gently stroked Nia's back in an attempt to calm her. At the same time he tried to hinder her from looking at her mother; even if she couldn't understand what was happening, he didn't want her to see this.

A short while later Alicia was put on a stretcher. An oxygen mask was plastered on her face and she had an IV in her arm. With Nia in his arms, Lee quickly followed the medics as they rushed Alicia to sickbay.

XXXXXXX

Slightly out of breath Adama stepped into sickbay. After Cottle had called him, he had come running straight to sickbay. Cottle had only told him that there was a family emergency. His first feeling at seeing Lee sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room with Nia on his lap was relief. His son was all right and so was his granddaughter. Then he noticed that Alicia was nowhere to be seen.

"Lee, what happened?" Adama had hurried to his son and sat down next to him.

Helplessly Lee looked at his father. "She tried to commit suicide, Dad." He whispered, the despair clearly audible in his voice.

Adama was too shocked to say anything at first. Speechless he looked at his son for a moment.

"What ... why? Did ... did anything happen?" He stammered.

"I don't know. She was fine when I saw her the last time. I ... " His voice broke and he stared at the door behind which Cottle was trying to save his wife.

Adama could see that his son was on the verge of a breakdown and he noticed that Nia was picking up on it and was near crying. He gently took her from Lee's arms. Lee wasn't even really aware of it. "I'll be right back, son."

He took Nia to a nurse who had been working on his ship for several years. He explained the situation to her and she agreed willingly to call Mathilda and watch Nia until she arrived. After Adama was convinced that Nia was in good hands, he returned to his son. Quietly he sat down next to him. After a while he put his hand on Lee's shoulder and together they waited for Cottle to tell them about Alicia's condition.

XXXXXXX

After what seemed to be an eternity, Cottle finally approached the two waiting men. At first, Lee could do nothing but stare at him, afraid what he was going to say. Eventually it was Adama who asked the inevitable question.

"How is she?"

"She's alive. Her condition is stable and I expect a full recovery within the next few days." Cottle replied. "You found her just in time."

"That's good news." Adama sighed relieved. He had expected the worst.

"Where did she get the pills?" Lee asked. It was the first time he spoke since he had told his father what had happened.

"There is a box of sleeping pills missing in the meds cabinet. We checked it a few minutes ago. Your wife was taking care of our meds stock recently. We don't know when she took it." Cottle explained.

"How could you let her take care of it? You know about her condition!" Lee asked loudly as he jumped up. He could feel the anger well up in him. He just wasn't sure if he was really angry at Cottle or at himself.

"Lee ..." Adama tried to calm his son but Cottle interrupted him.

"If she didn't take the pills, she would have found another way. I didn't notice that she had any symptoms. She worked more recently, more than she had to, but she seemed fine. I didn't think there was a problem. Did you?"

"No." Lee whispered as he sagged down on the chair again. "I thought she was okay."

Adama's heart broke for his son. He could only imagine what Lee was going through right now. As he didn't know what to say, he simply put his arm around Lee's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Doc, I didn't mean to ..." Lee's voice trailed off and he looked desperately at Cottle. The last time he had felt so completely lost was the day his brother had died.

"You don't have to apologize, Captain." As Adama, Cottle felt sorry for the young man. And he partially blamed himself for not noticing that Alicia had problems. He knew about her disease, he should have watched her more closely. He hoped that both Lee and Alicia would find a way through this.

"Can I see her?" Lee asked quietly.

"Of course, it's this way." Cottle showed them where Alicia lay, then he left the Adama family alone.

XXXXXXX

For hours Lee had sat next to Alicia's bed, holding her hand. His father had left a while ago after he got called away to CIC. Lee didn't really remember why.

Finally it seemed that Alicia was going to wake up. Hopefully he watched how she slowly opened her eyes. At first she looked around herself in confusion until her eyes locked with Lee's.

"Hey ..." Lee said quietly. "It's good to see you awake."

"Lee?" Alicia stared at him in disbelief. "Am I dead?"

"No, you're not. I found you in time." Lee swallowed and he forced himself to smile, but he couldn't look her in the eyes. He didn't want to see her look of disappointment at still being alive.

"I thought you were dead. I ..." Her voice broke and tears started to fall down her face.

"What? No, Ali, I'm fine. Why ... Why did you think that?" He looked at her surprised.

"You didn't come home after the mission. When we jumped back to the fleet and you ... you didn't come. I thought ... "

Shocked Lee stared at his wife. He wanted to tell her that he had just been celebrating with the other pilots, that he had waited for her to come. But he couldn't. While he had been celebrating, Alicia had sat in their quarters, thinking he was dead. "Why didn't you ask my father? Anyone? They could have told you ..." His voice trailed off.

"You didn't come ...I'm sorry ..." Alicia whispered, her voice barely audible anymore. She struggled to stay awake and after a few seconds her eyes fell close and she was asleep again. Lee just sat there, frozen. He couldn't believe that she had tried to kill herself because she had thought he was dead. She had thought ... she hadn't even known for sure. She had just assumed he was dead and took the frakking pills – with Nia in the room. He suddenly felt angry at her. He let go of her hand and just stared at her. He told himself that is wasn't her fault. It was her disease. He should have noticed that she had gotten worse again. There must have been symptoms, any signs to warn him what was going on with her. But he hadn't noticed anything, there had been no signs. If there had been any, she had successfully hid them from him. He felt betrayed by her for that ... and he wished he had gone home right after returning to Galactica.

XXXXXXX

After Adama had been called away to CIC, he had notified Kara of what happened and had asked her to check on Lee. When she stepped into Alicia's room, she found Lee sitting at her side. He didn't move, he wasn't holding her hand, he just stared at his sleeping wife. Without saying a word, Kara moved closer to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. After a few moments of silence, she was beginning to wonder if Lee had even realized she was there, when he suddenly spoke.

"Doc said she's going to be okay."

Kara swallowed. The pain in his voice broke her heart.

"Your father told me that, too. That's great." She waited for Lee to say something else, but he stayed silent.

"Has she woken up yet?" Kara asked after a while.

"Only for a short time ... She said she was sorry." Lee replied bitterly.

Worried Kara took a closer look at Lee. He looked exhausted, devastated and ... angry. She squeezed his shoulder slightly. "Why don't we go for a walk? Get some coffee or something."

"I don't know ..." Lee said, looking hesitantly at Alicia.

"Come on. You're gonna need your strength for when she's awake. You're not helping her by watching her sleep."

Lee closed his eyes for a moment. Alicia's words kept repeating themselves in his head. Finally he looked at Kara again. "Okay, let's go."

XXXXXXX

Silently Kara and Lee sat in the mess hall, both staring at their coffee. At this hour the mess hall was completely empty – everyone was either still asleep or working.

"How did you sober up so quickly anyway? You were pretty drunk when I left you." Lee broke the silence first.

"Things like that tend to sober me up pretty quickly. There's nothing like a good crisis to get the ambrosia out of my system. Kara replied smiling.

Lee returned the smile, but Kara noticed it never reached his eyes.

"How are you feeling, Lee?" She asked quietly.

"Tired."

"And besides that?"

"Just tired. I'm tired of all this. And I'm angry." Lee swallowed. He hadn't meant to say the last part out loud, but it felt good to speak about it. He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes again, but he wasn't going to cry. An Adama never cried. "How could she do this? What about Nia? If I hadn't come back, then Nia would have had no one. I ... Every time I went into battle, I thought that Nia would at least have Alicia, but now ... She said she thought I was dead. That's why she took the pills. She thought I was dead because I didn't come right home after this frakking mission." He swallowed again and quickly wiped away a tear that had escaped his eye. "So what now? I die in battle and she follows me right away? What's going to happen to Nia then?"

Kara had listened silently. It broke her heart to see him like this. She remembered the time after the events on the Astral Queen when Alicia had been in sickbay too. Lee had looked as lost then as he did now. He had never told her what had been wrong with Alicia then. She wondered if she had tried then too to take her life.

Looking at Lee, she thought about what to say next. He was usually the strong one of them. She was the one breaking down and he was always there to pick her up afterwards. Now it was her turn.

"You don't have to worry about Nia, Lee." She took his hands in hers, willing him to look at her. "When you go out there, I don't want you to think of anything else but coming back. There are so many people on this ship who care for her. Your father would take her in a heartbeat. And there is a long list with people willing to help him. Starting with Mathilda and ending with the President. Frak, even I would watch out for her." Hesitantly Kara looked at Lee. She hoped she had found the right words. She usually wasn't very good at giving comfort to others. "You have an amazing daughter and everyone on this ship loves her dearly."

"Thanks." Lee said quietly after a while. Her words hadn't stopped him to worry about Nia and Alicia, but he felt better. She was right. Nia wouldn't be alone. His father certainly wouldn't turn away from his only grandchild. Mathilda would still be there to watch her and he knew that there were lots of people who had fallen for his daughter. Dualla and Sharon kept asking him if they could help out again. Even the Chief had asked once. And though Kara had never asked, he knew she would take care of Nia too. But Nia would grow up without her parents. If both he and Alicia had died yesterday, she wouldn't have even remembered them later.

Kara saw the sadness return to Lee's eyes. "How about we go to the gym for a few rounds?" She tried to lighten the mood. If words weren't helping anymore, hitting something definitely would.

"I don't think Cottle would like that idea." He said, pointing at her knee. "I better get back to sickbay." Lee took Kara's hand and squeezed it slightly. "Thanks Kara."

When they got up, Kara pulled Lee into a tight embrace. "Anytime." She whispered in his ear. They stayed like that for a long time.

Tbc.

**A.N.: Thanks to Laurie for beta reading this chapter. :) And thanks to everyone else for reading and reviewing. I hope you enjoyed this chapter too. The next chapter will take a little longer again to post because I'm going on vacation tomorrow :) But I'll do my best to post soon after I get back. **


	14. Colonial Day

Alicia sat in her room talking to the Priestess Elosha. It was a week after her suicide attempt. Lee had insisted that she'd talk to someone qualified. She didn't want to talk to a therapist though; even though she had had one on Caprica and it had always helped talking to him, Galactica was a small ship when it came to rumors and she was afraid everyone would think she was crazy. When President Roslin had suggested Elosha, both Lee and Alicia had been grateful and Elosha had agreed to come to Galactica twice a week. But now that she was here, Alicia didn't know what to tell her.

They sat in silence for some time. Elosha wanted to give the younger woman time to get used to her. But when Alicia hadn't said anything after several minutes, Elosha decided to make the first step.

"I can understand how difficult it is for you to talk about what happened. We could talk about something else first, if you like. To get to know each other."

"I don't want to waste your time. My husband insisted that I talk to someone. I don't really think it's necessary. I'm fine."

"Are you really?"

"Doctor Cottle has increased my medication. There's nothing to worry about." Alicia replied defiantly.

"So you felt depressed only because you didn't get a high enough dosage of medication?"

"Yes."

"Your husband told me you said you were afraid to lose him, that you didn't want to live without him."

"So? I was depressed! He's a viper pilot who was flying a dangerous mission at the time. I watched him for two days, worrying who of his pilots would come back alive. Worrying if he would come back alive. Of course I was scared for him." Alicia said angrily.

"Are you still scared?" Elosha quietly asked.

"What?" Alicia looked at her confused.

"Are you still scared to lose him?"

Alicia stared at her for a long moment, then she looked down at her hands. "Yes." She whispered.

"And should he die tomorrow, what would you do?"

"I ... I don't know." Alicia admitted quietly. She looked at Elosha helplessly. "I don't know what I would do without him. I'm not that strong. I don't think that I could ever raise Nia on my own." She sobbed, wiping away the tears that had been falling down her eyes. "I'm a terrible mother. I ..." Her voice broke and she looked devastated at the older woman.

Comforting Elosha took her hands in hers. "You're not a terrible mother. I remember you with your daughter on Colonial One, shortly after the attacks. Despite the circumstances, despite how scared you felt, you gave your daughter the feeling that she was safe with you. And I remember your husband too that day. The second he laid eyes on you after he came onboard, he pulled strength from knowing you were there. You are a lot stronger than you think."

"Then why don't I feel that strong?"

"That's what I'm here to help you with." Elosha replied smiling.

XXXXXXX

"Should there ever be an election, the president has my vote." Kara said grinning.

"Because she gave us an hour off?" Lee asked smiling.

"Yep. What better reason could there be." Kara replied, while dragging Lee into the sunlit park of Cloud 9. They had been ordered to take care of security on the luxury liner during the first meeting of the Quorum of Twelve. Despite their lack of experience in that area, they had finished their job early, so the President had given them some time off to relax before the meeting.

"Maybe we should go over the security details again. There will ..."

"Lee, stop! Would you relax? The President herself gave us some time off. It's okay to not work every once in a while."

"But there ..."

"Uh!" Kara held her hand up to stop him talking. "No more talking. This is the perfect place. Lie down!" She ordered him. Then she lay down herself on the grass and closed her eyes. After a moment of hesitation, Lee followed her.

Once he lay on the fresh smelling grass, with closed eyes and feeling the sun on his skin, he could almost imagine lying in his mother's garden. "Ah, I can't remember the last time I felt the sunlight on my face. It sure feels like the real thing." He said smiling.

"They could have done a better job with the horizon though." Kara complained.

They both stayed quiet for a while, enjoying the sun and the fresh grass beneath them.

"So, how is Alicia doing?" Kara asked after a few moments. She had been meaning to ask for a few days, but somehow there was never the right time.

Lee hesitated a moment before he replied. "She says she's feeling better. She seems fine. She is taken more medication now, but ... I don't know. I thought she was okay before and she wasn't ..." His voice trailed off. He had opened his eyes and stared at the fake sky.

"So ... is she depressed or something?" Kara asked carefully. She didn't really feel that she had any right to ask, but when Lee had mentioned the medication, she had gotten curious.

Again Lee hesitated. He didn't feel comfortable talking about Alicia's condition with Kara, especially with his wife's feelings about her. But if he couldn't talk about it with Kara, who could he talk to? It still felt strange talking to his father about personal problems and he didn't have any other close friends on Galactica – or anywhere else in the fleet.

"She has manic depression. It started right after Nia was born. She ... she suddenly was like a whole other person. The first weeks after Nia was born Alicia spent in ... in a hospital. She still feels guilty about missing that time." Lee said quietly.

"I'm sorry." Kara swallowed. She didn't really know what to say, so she got up and walked a few steps around Lee. Eventually she did what she always did – she changed the subject. "Security is gonna be a bitch. A thousand different places for a sniper to hide. How many people are we dealing with again?"

"Five hundred plus." Lee replied, relieved about the new subject. He also got up again. Seeing Kara walking around him in circles was making him nervous. "Each colony is sending a delegation of leading citizens."

"Great ... herds of looki-loos, anyone of whom could be a Cylon." Kara smirked. That's when her eyes fell on a garden hose lying around on the grass. It looked like the perfect opportunity to get Lee's mind off all his worries for a while.

"But toasters aren't our only problem. Don't you pay attention to the politics?" He was totally unaware of what Kara was doing since she had fallen a few steps back.

"No." Kara shrugged. There were more important things in life – like having some fun with her best friend, she thought grinning.

"A lot of unrest out there."

"So why is Roslin insisting on letting so many people come?" Kara asked, hiding the hose behind her back.

"Well, I guess she thinks it's important for them to be able to observe how their government works." Lee replied.

"So, basically she's running for re-election." Kara stated dryly. In the end, all politicians were the same.

Finally Lee turned around and saw Kara with the hose, aiming it directly at him. "No ... Kara!" He warned her. He should have known that wouldn't stop her. Laughing she started squirting him.

Startled, Lee jumped to the side, right before he went after Kara to pay her back. "Kara, get off. Give me that." He laughed. He finally managed to catch her and grabbed the hose from her. Laughing he aimed back at her and they both quarreled over the hose, already soaking wet. For a few minutes, neither of them thought about security, politics or assassination attempts.

XXXXXXX

As much as Kara and Lee had enjoyed that free time in the park, the next few hours weren't as pleasant. Not only had they gotten into a bar fight with one of Zarek's followers, they had also found a suspected assassin, a man named Valance. They had interrogated him for several hours, but no matter how many threats they spoke, he still claimed to be innocent. The weapons they found on him spoke another story though.

"We put all the heat on Valance that we could and we still can't tie him to Zarek." Lee said frustrated. The President had asked him to give her a report about the suspect.

"I know Zarek's behind this, keep working on Valance." Roslin said determinedly.

"We will, but to be safe, I think you should send the entire Sagittaron delegation back to their ships." Lee suggested. He usually didn't agree on shutting out people because they came from a certain colony, but the President's life was more important to him than principles. He should have known though that Roslin would never agree to something like this.

"Can't do this." She confirmed Lee's thoughts. "It violates their civil rights and plays right into Zarek's hands."

"But he could still have another shooter on Cloud 9 and if Zarek wins the vote, he's more than capable of ordering your assassination and ascending to the presidency." Lee tried to reason with her.

"Zarek's not going to win because I'm not going to let him." Roslin replied. Lee admired her determination, he just hoped it wouldn't get her killed in the end.

"Meanwhile," Roslin went on," you're gonna tap his phones, you're gonna bug his room. If you find anything that remotely connects Zarek to Valance, shut him down!"

XXXXXXX

"And how exactly are you planning to pull this off?" Kara smirked when Lee told her of Roslin's order.

"Hadrian has sent us the equipment over that we need. We get in, bug his room and get out." Lee explained.

"In and out. That's your plan?"

"Yep."

"O-kay ... What if something goes wrong? Not that I'm not used to spending some time in the brig, but ..."

"What's there to go wrong? We're not breaking into a high security facility, it's just a plain hotel room. The brig is going to have to wait a bit longer for your next visit. Now let's go."

Half an hour later they stood in Zarek's hotel room. Despite his words, Lee had been surprised how easily they had gotten in. He had expected at least one or two guards in front of Zarek's room. Apparently Zarek had no idea how far Roslin would go to stop him.

It didn't take them long to bug his phone and some other places in the living room. Lee was just about to pack their things together and leave the room again, when Kara stopped him.

"We should bug his bedroom too."

"Why? I don't think Zarek would discuss any important matters in his bedroom when he has a living room like this." Lee stated, waving his arm around the luxurious room. Compared with his quarters this looked like a palace.

"Maybe he talks in his sleep. Come on." Without waiting for a reply, Kara stepped into the bedroom. Sighing Lee followed her. She really had seen too many movies.

A few minutes later they had put the last bug under a lamp next to the bed when they heard someone entering the living room.

"Frak!" Kara cursed quietly. "What are we gonna do now?"

Lee quickly searched the room for some place to hide. "The closet." He whispered.

"What? No way, I'm not going in there." Kara hissed. "Maybe they're not coming in here."

In that moment they heard a woman's voice coming from the living room. "And you're sure Mr. Zarek won't mind us using his bedroom?"

"This can't be true." Kara groaned while Lee dragged her into the closet. Seconds after they had closed the closet's door, the two unexpected visitors stepped into the bedroom.

"Oh no, Zarek's always watching out for his people. He won't mind. What's his is ours too." A male voice answered the woman's question.

Lee recognized the voice immediately from his time on the Astral Queen. This man had been on the bridge of the prisoner ship while Lee had been held hostage there. He even remembered his name – Meier.

Neither Meier nor the woman spoke much more for a while. They didn't need to – though Lee and Kara couldn't see what they were doing through the closed closet door, from the sounds coming from the bedroom, they could very well imagine.

"Tell me this isn't happening." Kara groaned.

"Sshht!" Lee hushed, though he didn't think that either Meier or his girlfriend would hear a thing right now. Kara shot him an annoyed look, but she stayed quiet.

While involuntarily listening to the sounds from Meier and his girlfriend, Kara suddenly realized how close she stood to Lee. The closet wasn't really big and she could actually feel his breath on her skin. She glanced in his direction, but Lee didn't return the look. Instead his eyes wandered nervously everywhere around the closet but her.

"What's wrong?" She whispered after a moment.

"Nothing." Lee whispered back.

"Then why do you look so nervous?"

"I'm not ... Just stay quiet, will you? They're gonna hear us." He hissed.

Kara stayed quiet, but she didn't think she could stay this close to Lee for much longer. Fortunately she didn't have to.

After about 20 minutes they could hear Meier and the woman getting out of the bed and ready to leave.

"That's it? We're just going separate ways now?" They could hear the woman ask in a disappointed voice.

"Well, it was fun but I'm a busy man. Lots of things to do." Meier replied evasively.

"Can I see you again?" Despite the short "fun" – Kara didn't think that the woman got really satisfied in this time – she seemed reluctant to just let Meier go like this.

"I let you know when I'm on Cloud 9 again, all right?" Meier said harshly.

After that there was silence and a few moments later Kara and Lee heard the bedroom door being shut. They waited a few minutes and when they didn't hear anything else they quietly stepped out of the closet.

"In and out – that must have been his plan too." Kara said grinning.

"Let's just get out of here; I'm not looking forward to a repeat." Lee groaned.

Grinning Kara followed him out.

"So, what are we gonna do now?" She asked after they had left the hotel. She had thought about another break in the park. Enjoying the sun and lying on the grass really sounded tempting right now after standing in that closet for so long.

"The meeting has already begun. We go to the auditorium and take our places." Lee replied.

"Great." Kara groaned. When was this ever in her job description?

When they had arrived in the auditorium, Lee had to walk by Zarek to get to his place from where he would watch the meeting and look out for any suspects. When he had reached Zarek, he took the chance and leaned down to him.

"Hi, how are you doing? Remember me? We got Valance and you're next." He whispered into Zarek's ear. It felt good to see the surprise in Zarek's face. Before he could respond, Lee had walked away.

XXXXXXX

The meeting seemed to take forever and Lee and Kara had to wait until every member of the Quorum and its delegation had returned safely to their rooms in one of the hotels or to their ships before they could themselves return to Galactica.

"Gods, I thought this day would never end." Kara sighed when they walked down the corridor to their quarters.

"It's only one more day. Then we'll have a few months until the next election." Lee replied tiredly. It really had been a long day.

"Hopefully they have a security force built up by then. I'm a pilot, not a security officer. The closet incident was rather fun, though." Kara grinned.

"Don't remind me, please. I'm trying hard to forget that." Lee had stopped walking when they had reached the spot where they would have to take different corridors. "Are you up for running again?"

"Cottle cleared me this morning. Didn't I tell you? Your times as a lonely runner are over." She said with a big grin on her face. "We might have to start slowly though."

"No problem." Lee smiled. He had missed their morning jogs together. "I'll pick you up at 05.00 hours."

"That's not even four hours of sleep." Kara complained.

"Good night, Kara." Lee replied grinning, ignoring her remark. He knew she was looking forward to it too.

XXXXXXX

Quietly Lee stepped into his quarters. He was relieved to find the lights turned off. Ever since finding Alicia after her suicide attempt, he got a creepy feeling when he entered his quarters. He checked on his daughter who slept peacefully in her bed. Seeing her like this always put a smile on his face and made him forget all the bad things that happened during the day, at least for a few minutes.

When he had gotten out of his uniform, he quietly climbed into bed, careful not to wake his wife. He listened to her regular breathing for a while before he allowed himself to close his eyes. That was another thing he started doing after Alicia's suicide attempt. He needed to make sure she was all right before he could relax and fall asleep. He put his arm around her and – even though still asleep – she snuggled close to him. He held her tightly to him, finally able to let the tension of the day leave him and eventually he fell asleep.

_He had been standing real close to Kara for several minutes now. There wasn't much space in the closet and he could feel her skin on his. He could feel his body reacting to being so close to her. He tried to control his breathing. He looked in every corner of this closet, everywhere but her. If he would look at her, he didn't know what he would do. He could feel her green eyes looking at him. _

"_What's wrong?" She asked. _

_Nothing, he wanted to say. But the words just wouldn't leave his mouth. He didn't want to lie to her anymore. He didn't want to lie to himself anymore. He finally looked at her. He knew that had been a mistake. He leaned his head down to her and without really knowing what he was doing he kissed her. It felt so right and not at all like a mistake. And she was returning the kiss. He could feel she was surprised at first but she didn't pull away. This was the best kiss in his whole life and he wished it would never end. He could have stayed like this forever ... until the alarms starting ringing. _

Startled Lee woke in his bed and turned off his morning alarm.

"Frak." He mumbled. What had that been? He hadn't had such dreams of Kara since ... since a very long time.

"What's wrong?" Alicia mumbled.

"Nothing." Lee said quickly and jumped out of bed. He needed a cold shower before he would pick up Kara for their morning run.

XXXXXXX

This day turned out to be even worse than the last. Valance had been found dead. Everything pointed towards suicide, but no one really believed that. They were convinced that Zarek had something to do with it, but they couldn't prove it. Even though they had bugged his room, they had found no evidence connecting him to Valance.

After long hours of watching over the Quorum meeting and getting over the fact that Roslin had announced Gaius Baltar to be her candidate for Vice President, Lee and Kara's duty as security officers was finally over. They had actually some free time now before they had to attend to the festivities on Cloud 9 and they took that chance to grab something to eat in the mess hall.

"We should put Zarek back in his cell and throw the key out of the next airlock." Kara said frustrated. "Or we just put a hole in his head."

"Can't do that." Lee said after taking a sip of his coffee.

"So what are we supposed to do? Sit on our hands and watch him kill the President?"

"Zarek's too smart to take another shot at the President during the summit. If he wins the vote, he can take her out later when everyone's forgotten about Valance. Just bide his time to find a better opportunity." Lee knew that Zarek didn't even have to take a shot at the President. Roslin's cancer would do that for him. He still hoped Cottle would come up with something, but he knew that she didn't have much time left. She got weaker with every day, even though she was good at hiding it.

"That's great." Starbuck said cynically.

"Anyway, she says she's not gonna lose the votes." Lee said, hoping it was truth. Even though he disagreed with her new choice of Vice President, Baltar was still better than Zarek.

"She says a lot of things." Kara smirked. It was so typical for Lee to believe every word this woman was telling him. When did he get such a faith in her? He usually never trusts anyone easily, she could tell that from experience.

They continued eating their meal in silence for a while. They didn't often get to share dinner like this, without interruption.

"Don't you think you should wash that?" Lee asked after a while, pointing at quite an old looking stain on Kara's uniform. Throughout the dinner memories of his dream last night had flashed through his mind and staying silent, being alone with Kara once again, wasn't helping to push this thought away. Teasing her was always helping getting his mind off anything.

"I did."

"Like when, a month ago?" Lee joked.

"Do you have a problem with my hygiene?" Kara asked defiantly.

"You have hygiene?"

"I clean up good sometimes, all right?" Kara knew that Lee was only joking, but it still hurt. He didn't have to remind her that he just saw her as a buddy – she knew that just too well. She only had to take a look at his perfect little family. Surely he would never pull a joke like this with Alicia.

"Well, let me know when it's one of those times." Lee said grinning.

She would show him.

XXXXXXX

The festivities for Colonial Day had already started half an hour ago and the Adama family was running late. Nia had decided in the last minute that she didn't want to spend the night in Mathilda's room and it had taken both her parents' powers of persuasion to get her to stay with Mathilda after all.

When Lee and Alicia finally stepped onto the hangar deck, Lee hoped the last shuttle for Cloud 9 hadn't left yet. They were lucky – it was still waiting. They had almost reached the shuttle, when Alicia came to a sudden stop.

"What's wrong?" Lee asked confused. "Don't tell me you forgot something. This shuttle isn't going to wait forever."

"I ... I can't ..." Alicia stammered.

"What? You can't what, Ali?"

"I can't go to Cloud 9." She whispered, not looking at Lee.

"Why not?" Lee had absolutely no idea what was bothering his wife.

"It's ... I can still feel the vibrations of the last two explosions on Galactica. If something happens ... If those bombs had gone off on any other ship, I don't think we would have made it alive out of it. ... It's just safer on Galactica. Just thinking of leaving this ship ... I feel like I can't breathe." Alicia said, tears brimming in her eyes. "And Nia ... I know I'm not the best mother ..."

"Ali ..."

"When something happens here and neither of us is near her, than ... I just can't go, I'm sorry."

"So, you never want to leave this ship again?" Lee regretted his words as soon as they had left his mouth. "Sorry. If you don't want to go, then we don't go. It's okay."

"No. No, you go. I know I'm being pathetic and that nothing will happen." She paused and took a deep breath. "I promised your father that you would come to this party. He already suspected you'd try to find a reason to avoid going there. I don't want to be that reason." She looked at him pleadingly. She hated to be so weak. Why couldn't she just go on that frakking shuttle? But just thinking about it made her freeze.

"I don't know." Lee said hesitantly.

"Go." Gently Alicia pushed him towards the waiting shuttle.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, really. Don't worry. I'll enjoy an evening for my own, take a long, hot shower and ..." A smile spread over her face. " ... wait for you to come home."

"Okay." Lee gave her a kiss and reluctantly went to the shuttle.

On his way over to Cloud 9 he kept thinking about Alicia. Her behavior was probably understandable considering everything that happened the past few weeks, but with her history he didn't think he would ever stop worrying about her.

XXXXXXX

He stopped worrying the second his eyes fell on Kara. She stood at the bar, dressed in a beautiful blue dress. She looked amazing. Seeing her like this pushed all his thoughts about Alicia out of his mind. Slowly he walked towards her, taking in every sight of her.

"So uhm ..." He stammered when he had reached her, not knowing what to say. "That bum knee of yours is looking pretty good." He mentally kicked himself. Why was he talking about her knee? "And the other one's not too bad either." He groaned inwardly. Somehow his brain must have stopped working at seeing Kara like this.

Kara just smiled at Lee's stammering. She had seldom seen him at a loss for words. She had wanted to prove to him that she could dress up fine. She had never expected him to react like this.

"Lee, if you want to ask me to dance, just ask." As soon as she had spoken the words, she cursed herself. Lee was here with his wife, so why would he want to dance with her? Alicia probably looked ten times better than her.

"You want to dance?" Lee asked, holding his hand. Hesitantly Kara accepted. She just couldn't believe this was happening. She had never danced with Lee before.

"Me in a dress is a once in a lifetime opportunity." She said joking, trying to hide her insecurity.

They danced in silence. Kara thought about asking where Alicia was, but she didn't want to ruin this moment. Dancing with Lee felt like they never did anything else in their lives. There was no place for Alicia right now. It was just her and Lee. Not Starbuck and Apollo. They were simply Kara and Lee. Dancing together. Smiling she leaned her head on Lee's shoulder.

"May I cut in?"

Surprised Kara turned around, looking at Gaius Baltar, their new Vice President and probably the slimiest person she had ever met. She was just about to give a smug reply, when she heard Lee.

"Of course."

He let go of her and before she knew what was happening, she found herself in the arms of Baltar. She could do nothing but watch Lee walk through the dancing couples until she lost sight of him. Just like that he had left her.

Two songs later she was still dancing with Baltar. She had thought about ending it with this song, when she saw Lee standing at the bar, talking with Racetrack. Laughing with Racetrack. He didn't look sad at all that he wasn't dancing with her anymore. Of course he wasn't, he didn't need her. He was happily married. This dance hadn't meant anything to him.

When Baltar asked her for the next dance, she agreed.

XXXXXXX

Lee didn't stay at the party for long. It hurt more than he was willing to admit to see Kara dancing with Baltar. He had tried to get his mind off of Kara with listening to some fun story Racetrack was telling him. It wasn't working. He let out a laugh from time to time, but he wasn't really aware of what she was saying. If he didn't know better, he'd say he was jealous. But that was ridiculous. Kara was his friend. She was Zak's fiancée. He should be happy for her. She looked like she was having fun. Granted, Baltar probably wasn't her wisest choice, but who was he to tell her who she could have fun with.

When he returned to Galactica, he found his wife still awake. She was lying in their bed, reading a book his father had given her.

"You're back early." She said, putting away the book.

"It wasn't the same without you." He mumbled as he climbed into bed.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." She said quietly. She put his arms around him and laid her head on his chest.

"You're here now." He replied, holding her close to him. At the same time he tried desperately to push the thoughts of Kara out of his mind.

This night was the first time since he was married that he thought about Kara while sleeping with his wife.

Tbc

**A.N.: Thanks to Laurie for beta reading. :) Sorry it took me so long to post this. I hope you like this chapter and thanks for all the kind reviews. **


	15. Kobold's Last Gleaming Part 1

Smiling, Alicia watched Lee getting dressed. He looked tired and hadn't said much so far, but after last night that didn't surprise her. He never spoke much when he didn't get much sleep. And last night he had hardly slept at all. Still smiling, Alicia got up and walked to her husband. He was standing with his back to her when she pulled her arms around his waist.

"Last night was wonderful." She whispered, kissing his neck.

Lee tensed for a moment, then he slowly turned around to her.

"You're wonderful," he smiled.

Alicia looked at him thoughtfully. Something about him seemed wrong, like there was something bothering him. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, sure. Why do you ask?" He had pulled out of her embrace and put on his shirt.

"I don't know. You ... you look sad." Alicia was surprised at her own words, but it was true – he looked sad. Even though his lips were smiling, his eyes weren't.

"Why would I be sad?" Lee asked. He wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her close. "I have a wonderful wife, a genius daughter ..."

"Genius?" Alicia chuckled.

"Yes, genius." Lee grinned. "And last night we had the best sex since ... well, for a long time. I'm probably the happiest man on this ship right now."

Before Alicia could reply anything, Lee cupped her face with his hands and gave her a long kiss.

"I gotta go." He said when he pulled away again. "I don't want to let Dad wait."

"You're going to a meeting with your father like this?" Alicia pointed at the casual clothes he was wearing.

"It's not an official meeting. Just some father and son sparring." Lee replied.

"Don't be too hard on him." Alicia gave him another kiss before he left. When the hatch closed behind him, Alicia thought back to the sad look in his eyes. Maybe she had just imagined it. He didn't act like someone who was sad about something. Maybe he was just tired. Yes, that must be it, he was just tired.

Smiling she thought about her husband and her father-in-law. They had come a long way. Only a few months ago Lee wouldn't even talk to him and now they were sparring together. She wished Caroline would have lived to see this. She had always hoped Lee would reconcile with his father again and now it had finally happened. It had just taken the end of the world for them to talk again.

XXXXXXX

Lee let out a deep breath after he had closed the hatch behind him. He wondered when he had learned to hide the truth from his wife. She had always been able to tell his lies and now ... He had just lied right to her face and she hadn't even noticed. He hadn't lied to her about being in love with her. It hadn't even been a real lie when he had told her that he wasn't sad. But he wasn't really happy either. If he only knew why. He had every reason to be happy. He still had his family and that was more than most people in the fleet had. He loved his daughter and he loved his wife. But then there was also Kara. Gods, last night he just couldn't stop thinking about her. He could still feel her in his arms, dancing close to him. When he had been with Alicia, for a few times, when he had his eyes closed, he had even thought it was Kara with him, not his wife. It had only been for a second, but that didn't make it any better. He had been unfaithful to his wife, even if it had been just in his thoughts.

"Looks like you're in the right mood for this." Adama greeted his son when he saw him stepping into the gym.

"Let's just get started." Lee said. He didn't feel like talking right now.

"Everything all right at home?" Adama asked when he threw the boxing gloves towards Lee.

"Yes, everything's perfect."

Adama knew Lee was lying. First of all, nothing is ever perfect in a marriage, not in real life. And secondly, Lee looked as if something was bothering him. But he decided not to push the matter at the moment. It would be useless anyway. He knew his son well enough to know that if he didn't want to talk about something, no one in the twelve colonies would get him to talk.

Neither of them said anything else as they started sparring. They were throwing some punches, never really hitting the other one.

"I missed Alicia last night." Adama said. "Not that you and Kara weren't a nice couple either." He added smiling. At that moment Lee's fist hit him right in the stomach. Grunting Adama doubled over in pain, but he got up quickly. He wasn't going to show any weakness in front of his son.

"You all right?" Lee asked, almost apologetic.

Adama only nodded in response. When had he become so old that people felt they should apologize when they hit him during sparing? Well, he would show his son he wasn't that old yet.

A few minutes later Lee hit him again. This time right in the face. Adama almost expected him to apologize again, but this time Lee stayed quiet. They threw a couple of more punches until Adama saw his chance. When his fist connected with Lee's face, he hadn't even seen it coming.

"You all right?" Adama asked grinning.

XXXXXX

Alicia and Layne had met in the mess hall for breakfast. It had become their morning ritual when they didn't have an early shift. Sometimes Lee or John, Layne's boyfriend, would join them, but mostly it was just them and Nia.

"I didn't see you on Cloud 9 yesterday. You missed quite a party." Layne said after taking a sip of coffee.

"I know. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I ... wasn't feeling so well. But Lee and I had our own special party when he came back." Alicia added grinning.

"That explains the constant smile on your face this morning." Layne laughed. She had never seen her friend smiling that much in the few weeks she knew her. "So, Lee made up for going to Cloud 9 without you?"

"He didn't have to make up for it. I made him go there alone. I didn't want him to miss the party just because I wasn't feeling well. He doesn't get much time off from duty, he deserved it. And he came back very relaxed." Grinning she held her hands on her daughter's ear. "Last night we had the best sex ever." She whispered. Then she blushed and moved her hands in front of her face. "Gods, I can't believe I just said that aloud." She laughed.

"Maybe I should send John to the next party alone too." Layne grinned. "Though I can't imagine a better ending for last night as we had." Now it was Layne's turn to smile all over her face. "He proposed to me."

"Oh my gods, Layne, that's wonderful. Congratulations. You said yes, right?"

"Of course I did. I waited long enough for him to ask me." Layne laughed.

"I'm so happy for you. Have you decided on a date yet?"

"No, but it will be soon. It's not like there is much to prepare. I just need to find a nice dress and a priest. And a bridesmaid of course. Interested?" Layne asked smiling.

"You want me to be your bridesmaid? Of course I'm interested." Alicia replied happily. "I don't know if I can help you with the dress, but I know a priestess for you. I'm sure she would be delighted to hold the ceremony."

"That's great, Alicia, thanks. And for the dress, well, I thought I might just ask Starbuck. She was wearing a beautiful blue dress last night, it looked perfect. Oh, and maybe your husband could give John some dancing lessons. He's a terrible dancer. When I saw Lee with Starbuck last night, I really envied you."

"I doubt Lee will agree to give dancing lessons." Alicia laughed. Then she realized what Layne had just said. "Lee danced with Kara?"

Layne bit her lip. Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut? She knew how Alicia felt about Starbuck. "It was just this one dance, really." She said quickly. "After that Starbuck enjoyed herself with Baltar for all I know."

Alicia nodded slowly and forced herself to smile. Lee and Kara were friends, she told herself for the hundredth time. It was no big deal that they had danced together this one time. But she couldn't even remember the last time Lee had danced with her.

XXXXXXX

"You don't lose control." Adama said when he pulled of his boxing gloves.

"Thanks." Lee said surprised. He wasn't used to getting compliments from his father.

"No." Adama shook his head. "You got to lose control. Let your instincts take over."

"I thought we were just sparring."

"That's why you don't win." Adama replied quietly. Then he slowly walked away. He felt utterly exhausted. Maybe he was getting too old for sparring with his son.

Lee closed his eyes. He should have known his father would find some way to lecture him. But on this? All his life he had tried to learn to keep his control so he would become the perfect soldier his father wanted him to be. And now he was telling him that this was all wrong.

XXXXXXX

After the sparring with his father Lee had planned to catch up on some paperwork. But when he walked by the rec room, Crashdown called for him.

"Hey Apollo, we need another man for triad. You're in?"

Lee hesitated a moment He knew he should do his paperwork, but playing triad sounded a lot more interesting right now. And he'd still have plenty of time to write his reports afterwards. Technically his shift hadn't even started yet. Follow your instincts, he thought grinning.

"Yeah, I'm in." He replied. His father would just have to wait a bit longer for his reports.

When he stepped into the rec room, he saw Crashdown, Dee, Gaeta and Baltar sitting at the table in the middle of the room. He took a seat next to Crashdown and they began playing. He didn't have much luck today though. Baltar was winning every round. Considering he was already visibly drunk at this hour, that was rather surprising. Lee wondered if he could even read his cards right anymore.

"I'm out." Frustrated Gaeta threw his cards on the table.

"It's not your turn." Lee reminded him laughing. Gaeta had gotten the worst cards throughout the game.

"Frankly, I don't care." Gaeta replied. He had already lost most of his cubits. Lucky for him, cubits weren't worth much anymore anyway.

They played on a bit more and talked about Crashdown's latest love affair with Ensign Davies. Lee wasn't particularly interested in any love themes right now. His own love life was enough to keep him busy. So he tried to get the attention back on the game.

"All right, 20 I call and I raise you another 30." He said, holding Baltar's last raise.

"You can't compete with me! I always win." Baltar glared at him angrily.

"Well, I'm sorry." Lee chuckled. The Vice President was starting to take this game a bit too serious.

"So sorry to disappoint you." Baltar mumbled a moment later. When everyone shot him awkward looks, he quickly added. "Disappoint you all. 30 ..." He threw a few cubits on the table. "... and I call it. So?"

"All right, what you got boys?" Gaeta asked excited. As much as he admired Dr. Baltar, he hoped that at least once someone else would win.

One after the other they put their cards on the table. And once again Baltar had the best hand.

"Ahh no! Every time you win!" Crashdown called out frustrated.

"Every time!" Dualla agreed as frustrated.

"Sorry, I have to do it, I ... sorry, very sorry to disappoint you." Baltar said grinning as he collected his winnings. When a few cubits fell on the floor, he ducked under the table to pick them up.

"What, there's a card game and no one told me?" Kara called out when she stepped into the rec room at this moment. Seeing her standing next to him, Lee's thoughts immediately went back to last night and not just to their dance.

"She's back on her feet, ladies and gentlemen." Crashdown announced jokingly.

Lee didn't have to ask what he was referring to. Kara still looked hangover. She must have really enjoyed last night's party.

"How are you feeling?" He asked sympathetically.

"Good." Kara replied quietly. Then she saw Baltar coming up from under the table. "Hey ... Gaius."

Baltar glared at her angrily. "Mr. Vice President, if you don't mind, Lt. Thrace. Some level of decorum has to be maintained after all or is it a pirate ship you're running?"

"No, just a Battlestar, Sir." Kara threw him a strange look that Lee couldn't quite place.

"Right, let's play." Gaeta cut in, unaware of the tension between the two. He only had time for one more round and this was the last chance today to beat Baltar.

"Would you like to play?" Baltar still glared angrily at Kara. "Maybe you'd like to sit next to Captain Adama."

"Sure Kara, why don't you pull a pew?"

"No, it's okay Lee. I got things to do." She hardly took her eyes of Baltar when she spoke.

And suddenly Lee understood. Kara would never miss a card game, not without a good reason. And Baltar's strange behavior all this time ... she had spent the night with him. She had slept with him and had walked away like she always did when she was done with someone. She had danced with him and than she had went right on to Baltar. Their dance had meant nothing to her. This shouldn't even surprise him. Kara had never wanted him to be more than a friend. Why should that change now? And why did this bother him so much? He should be relieved. Whatever he thought had been between them last night, had only been in his imagination. He should forget about it. He should concentrate on what he had. His family. His wife whom he loved deeply and, most importantly, who loved him too. But when it came to Kara Thrace, it was never easy to concentrate on the right things.

XXXXXXX

After the card game Lee wanted to go directly to his office. He knew he should go to his office and start writing his reports. But instead he found himself on the hangar deck – walking straight towards Kara who was working on the raider.

"Going hunting?" He asked as he reached her.

"I'm adding a gunnery run to the jump test tomorrow, see if our boy here can shoot anything with our ammo." Kara explained without looking up.

"So it's a boy now."

"Changed my mind." She shrugged.

"You ever wonder why everyone calls it a she but to you it's a he?" Lee had no idea why he kept pounding on that matter. He didn't come here to talk about the raider.

"It's fascinating Lee, you should write a paper." Kara smirked. She wished Lee would just leave again. She couldn't talk to him now. She knew he knew about Baltar. She had seen it in his eyes when the realization had hit him. He had been hurt. Once again she had hurt him with her actions even though she had promised herself to never hurt him again. But then again, why was he hurt about it anyway? He was married. Why should he care who she slept with. He didn't even care who she danced with.

"Well, it's not really my scene. I'm not as smart as, say, uhm ... Dr. Baltar. How is the Vice President by the way?" Lee bit his lip. This was probably not the best way to start this conversation.

Kara froze for a second before she continued working on the raider. "I don't know, I haven't seen him."

"So he's a love them and leave them kinda guy, I guess." Like he had been so many years ago. With the only difference that they had stayed friend afterwards.

"I guess." Kara shrugged.

"Ships that just pass in the night." Lee shook his head. Her attitude angered him. She didn't even bother to look up when she talked to him.

"Yup." Kara did her best to keep her eyes on the raider. She couldn't look at him now. She could barely talk to him. Frakking Baltar, why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut? Lee would have never found out.

"Didn't mean a thing?" Just like their dance hadn't mean a thing, he thought bitterly.

"Nope." It had meant a lot because it was his name she had called out, not Baltar's.

"Just bored, something to do. So frakking the Vice President of the colonies just seemed like a great way to waste some time." Lee was getting angrier every second. Why wouldn't she even look at him? The way he was talking to her, she should be yelling in his face to stop behaving like an idiot. But instead she never took her eyes of that raider.

"You want something from me?" Kara was also starting to get angry now. He had no right to talk to her like this.

I want you to look at me, Lee thought desperately. But he never said it. "Not a thing."

"'Cause I don't owe you anything. You're married, remember?"

"What does that have to do with this?"

Kara closed her eyes for a moment. It had everything to do with this. "Nothing."

"No, you don't owe me anything, 'cause I'm just a CAG and you're just a pilot." Lee repeated the words Kara had thrown at him so many weeks ago. At the time he had thought it had been just the stress that had made her say it. That she didn't mean it. The Cylons had kept attacking every 33 minutes and they all had been tired and had said things they didn't mean. But he wasn't so sure about that anymore. Maybe she really had enough of their friendship.

No, you frakking idiot, you're everything to me, Kara thought desperately. But she could never tell him that. "Right."

"Pilot who can't keep her pants on." Lee said furious.

"Right." Kara did her best to swallow down the tears in her eyes. That's not how she wanted Lee to see her. Gods, why couldn't she have just walked away from Baltar last night. She didn't even like him. He had just been ... a substitute. But she could never tell that to Lee either.

"Oh, it's just like old times, Kara. Like when you got drunk and you couldn't keep your hands of that major from wherever ..."

Lee never got to finish his sentence. Kara's fist hit him hard on his jaw. Without thinking about it he raised his arm and punched her right back. They both stood still for a moment, shocked about what had just happened. Finally Kara turned away from him.

"Why'd you do it Kara? Why him? Just tell me why." He needed to know if it was him that had driven her to Baltar.

He sounded so desperate, that it brought back the tears in Kara's eyes. Gods, why was he doing this to her? Didn't he understand that she wasn't good for him? "'Cause I'm a screw-up, Lee. Try and keep that in mind." She didn't look at him as she spoke. She didn't want him to see the tears. She didn't want him to realize that she had only slept with Baltar because she couldn't have him.

XXXXXXX

Alicia was almost done with her shift, when a deckhand entered sickbay. He was bleeding from a wound on his arm and even though he was trying to stop the bleeding with a cloth he had pressed on the wound, there was still some blood dripping on the floor.

"Layne, could you take a look at this?" She called for her friend. Then she smiled at their new patient and directed him to a near bed. When she saw that Layne was on her way over, she began wiping up the blood from the floor.

"This looks pretty deep. How did it happen?" She could hear Layne ask the man.

"I got distracted and cut myself. It was stupid."

"What distracted you? A naked woman walking by?" Layne teased him.

"I wish. Though this was almost as worth it. The CAG hit Starbuck. Of course, she hit him first, right on the jaw, so she deserved it, I guess. I don't know what they were arguing about, but it must have been something personal. Starbuck was even crying. Well, at least I saw her wiping away some tears when Apollo walked away. Can you imagine Starbuck crying? I swear, if the CAG wasn't married, you'd think that he and ... Ow, what did you do that for?" He called out in pain and pulled back his arm.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I slipped." Layne ignored his accusatory glare and looked over to Alicia. She hoped she hadn't heard anything.

Alicia knelt frozen on the floor and stared at the injured man. She had heard every word.

XXXXXXX

Alicia had anxiously waited for the end of her shift. She needed to talk to Lee. She needed to know what had happened between him and Kara. She had been looking for him for almost half an hour when she saw him stepping out of the briefing room.

"Lee." She called for him.

Surprised, Lee turned around. There were two bruises clearly visible on his face. "Hi."

"Hey, uhm ..." Now that she had finally found him, Alicia didn't know how to start. She didn't want to fight with him again. Not today, not after last night had been so wonderful. Maybe there was a very good reason why he had fought with Kara and it had nothing to do with ... If she'd just give him the chance to explain everything ... "Those bruises look like they're hurting."

"Hm? Oh no, it's not that bad, don't worry." Lee swallowed, not really looking at her.

"So your father actually managed to hit you twice while sparring? Who would have thought ..." She forced herself to let out a small laugh.

"Uhm yeah, he did." Lee said quickly. "Listen, I don't have much time. There's this mission coming up and ... uhm, well, you know how it is. I see you tonight, okay?" He gave her a small smile and left.

Alicia stood frozen and stared at his retreating back. He had just lied to her. Why would he lie about something like this? He could have just told her about the fight with Kara. There was only one reason she could think of why he didn't want her to know about it.

XXXXXXX

"He lied to me." Frozen Alicia stood in front of her friend. She still couldn't believe that Lee hadn't told her the truth about his fight with Kara.

"What?" Surprised Layne looked up. When she saw the pale appearance of her friend, she grabbed her arm and pulled her into the next empty room. "What happened?"

"I asked him about the bruises and he said his father hit him twice."

"Why would the Commander hit his son?" Layne asked dumbfounded.

"They were sparring this morning. Gods, Layne, he didn't even look me in the eye when we talked. He's having an affair with her, I know it."

"Now, don't jump to conclusions. You don't know what happened. You don't even know what they were fighting about. Maybe ... maybe they were just arguing about ... something they disagree about." Layne knew she sounded lame, but she couldn't think of anything else right now.

"Lee wouldn't just hit her without a reason."

"She hit him first, remember?"

"Yes, and she cried. Have you ever seen Starbuck crying? Gods, she didn't even cry at her fiancé's funeral." Alicia called out desperately.

"I'm sure she cried then, she just didn't do it in front of all the people." Layne took a deep breath before she continued. "All right, let's just assume he is having an affair with her... and I'm not saying he is, this is just hypothetically. If he has an affair with Starbuck and they fought about something that made her cry, it's more than likely that he ended it. Why else would she cry? You said yourself that last night was something special between you and him. So he realized how much he loves you and ended it."

"He danced with her."

"And she danced with Baltar. You're saying she's having an affair with him too?"

"No, of course not. Not even Kara would sink that low." Frustrated, Alicia threw her hands in the air. "So, what now? Am I supposed to accept that my husband had an affair and just live with it?"

"Maybe you should talk to him about it openly. Just ask him what happened and ..."

"I can't do that." Alicia interrupted her frustrated. "I promised him I wouldn't be jealous of Kara anymore. I already accused him of having an affair with her before. If I'm wrong, then he would never forgive me and it would be worse than before." Sighing Alicia sagged on a chair and put her head in her hands. "What am I supposed to do now?"

Layne didn't know what to say. What would she do if she'd discovered that John had secrets from her? An affair even? "If it's really over between him and Kara, would you be able to forgive him?" She asked quietly after a few minutes.

Alicia looked up and thought about that question. Could she forgive him? If she didn't, than their marriage was over, that was for sure. And she knew she couldn't live without him. "Yes, I would."

"Well than, don't do anything. If he really loves you and it's over between them, than you don't have anything to worry about."

"And if he doesn't love me anymore?" Alicia whispered.

"You're his wife. Wouldn't you know if he still loves you or not? Especially after last night?"

Alicia nodded slowly. Layne was right. Last night had been special for her and for Lee. He couldn't have just pretended all that. He still loved her. So she would just forget about all this and live on like nothing ever happened.

XXXXXXXX

Lee hadn't talked to either Alicia or Kara again for the rest of the day. He had been busy getting the raptor teams ready for the mission for Kobol, had visited Boomer in sickbay after she had accidentally shot herself while cleaning her gun and had hidden in his office so he wouldn't run into his wife or best friend ... or former best friend; after today he wasn't sure if they were still friends at all. He really didn't feel like talking to her right now. It would just end up in another fight. And he couldn't talk to Alicia because he was just too afraid that she would see right through his facade and realize what was going on. He still felt bad because he had lied to her. Somehow he would have to make up for it.

He didn't get a chance to think more about it as he was called to CIC. When he arrived there, he learned that the Raptor teams had run into Cylons in the orbit of Kobol. Only one raptor had made it back to Galactica. Now he was in his father's quarters together with Colonel Tigh and President Roslin discussing the situation.

"How many did we lose?" Roslin inquired.

"Ten souls aboard Raptor three. Raptor one, last visual contact was seen under powered flight, heading toward the surface." Lee replied quietly. He tried to keep up his warrior demeanor, which wasn't easy at this point. He might not have known any of the people on those raptors for long, but he knew each of them never the less. He had learned to respect all of them and some of them even had started to become his friends.

"We need a way to take out the basestar before we can attempt a rescue." Adama said determinedly. Once again Lee admired him for making something almost impossible sound like it was the easiest thing in the world.

"Starbuck's already working on a plan using the captured raider to get a nuke into the basestar." Tigh informed them.

"The raider?" Roslin asked worried.

"When ...when did this happen?" Lee asked surprised. He was the CAG; if one of his pilots had an idea how to destroy the basestar, they should have come to him. Starbuck included, no matter what differences they had at the moment. He couldn't believe she went to Tigh of all people instead of talking to him.

"About ten minutes ago. She said she's working on the details and will have a report at 1400." Tigh explained. The surprised look on the CAG's face didn't go unnoticed by him. He had been as surprised when Starbuck had come to him with her plan. So the rumors about their little fist fight on the hangar deck must be true.

"Go talk to Starbuck right away." Adama ordered his son.

"My pleasure." Lee replied, the anger clearly audible in his voice.

"And report back to me." Adama added. He too had noticed Lee's surprise and he had heard the rumors. He wondered what had happened between his son and Kara. Everything had been all right between them last night.

"Yes, sir." Lee saluted and left the room.

XXXXXXX

After the meeting in his father's office, Lee went directly back to the Hangar Deck. He knew that's where he would find Kara.

"Lt. Thrace, attention!" Lee called out as soon as he had reached her. Kara chose to ignore his order and instead took a long sip from her water bottle. This only increased his anger and he grabbed the bottle out of her hand. "Lt. Thrace, I gave you a command. You will obey it. Attention!"

Finally Kara came to attention, standing right in front of Lee. She could practically feel the anger radiating from him. She knew that going to Tigh would make him angry, but at the time she just couldn't get herself to go to him. She had never imagined he would be this angry though.

"You do not take your harebrained ideas to the X.O. without going through me first, do you understand?" Lee said, hardly able to control the anger in his voice.

"Yes, sir."

They stared at each other for a long moment. Lee forced himself to exhale and regain his calm. "At ease, so what's the plan?"

"I'm putting an autopilot in the raider. Jump him to the basestar, engage the autopilot, punch out, get picked up by a raptor. The raider heads to the basestar." Kara replied, not looking at Lee.

"Picks up the transponder, allows the raider to approach, nuke goes off." Lee finished for her. When it came to mission planning, they had always been able to read each others minds.

"Boom, sir."

"Might work. Might get you killed." It was a typical Starbuck plan. Lee only wished she had never come up with it.

"Would you miss me, sir?" Kara suddenly asked quietly.

Her question took Lee by surprise. Of course he would miss her. He knew she was expecting him to give her their ritual reply. But he just couldn't do that. First of all, he was still mad at her and he didn't want her to think that he would let her off the hook so easily. And secondly ... If he'd admit how much he'd miss her, he might say something he would regret later. He might say something that he could never say to her, that he shouldn't even be thinking. So instead he decided to answer her as her CAG, not her friend or whatever they were at the moment. "I need every pilot I have. Even the screw-ups."

Lee's cold reply struck Kara to the core. This time she had really screwed up everything between them. When Lee walked away from her, she knew she couldn't just end this conversation like this. "Captain..."

She waited until he turned around and looked at her again. "I'm really sorry."

Lee only looked at her for a second before he turned around again and left. He knew that was wrong. He should have just accepted her apology and leave that stupid fight behind them. No, he should have told her that there wasn't even something for her to apologize for. Well, maybe for going to Tigh first with her plan, but not because of that thing with Baltar. She didn't owe him an explanation for who she spent her time with. It was none of his business. He made a promise to himself to talk to her again once they had both calmed down. This whole thing had gotten out of hand somewhere along the way. He would talk to her right after that test flight with the raider later that day. They were both always more relaxed after spending some time in space. Especially if they spend that time flying together.

XXXXXXX

Two hours later Lee flew next to Kara, who was testing the raider.

"Apollo, Starbuck. I'm ready over here." Kara told him over the comm.

"Okay, Starbuck, the board is green."

"Copy that. Powering up for the autopilot test."

Kara's words for followed by a short silence. Lee was starting to wonder what took her so long as there were no signs that she had began with the test. Suddenly he saw that she was spinning up the raider's FTL Drive.

"What are you doing, Kara?" Lee asked worried. The FTL Drive was not part of this plan.

He never received an answer. Instead he watched helplessly how the raider with Kara inside jumped away.

"Galactica/Apollo, she just jumped away. Repeat, Starbuck and the raider just jumped away." Horrified Lee stared at the empty space where only seconds ago he had seen the raider. She had just … left. Kara was gone and he had no idea where she was now or if he would ever see her again.

TBC

**A.N.: Thanks a lot to Laurie for beta reading. :) I hope you all like this chapter. **


	16. Kobold's Last Gleaming Part 2

Lee sat frozen in his viper and stared at the empty space in front of him. Kara was gone. Right now that was all he could think of. She was gone.

"Apollo, I repeat. Return to Galactica." Dualla's voice pulled him out of his haze. From the sound of it she had tried to reach him for some time. "Apollo, please respond. You are ordered to return to Galactica."

Lee hesitated a moment before he replied. He couldn't return to Galactica now. What if Kara came back and he wasn't there? He had to wait for her. She would jump back any second. But at the same moment he realized that she wouldn't come back. She was gone. "Copy that, Galactica." He finally replied in a hoarse voice. He stared at the space in front of him for a moment longer before he flipped his viper around and flew back to Galactica. He needed to know what had happened. There had to be some explanation. Kara wouldn't have just jumped away without a good reason.

XXXXXXX

When Lee stepped into CIC, he saw his father and Tigh standing close together. Neither of them looked very happy.

"Order the cap to isolate Colonial One." Adama ordered him. "Mr. Gaeta."

"Sir."

"Jam any transmissions in or out of Colonial One immediately."

"Yes, sir."

"Prepare a strike team." Adama had turned back to Tigh. "As long as she's President, she's dangerous and if she can turn Starbuck against us, she's capable of anything."

"Yes, sir." Tigh replied.

"She's bluffing."

"Let's hope so. There's also a Cylon baseship out there to deal with." Tigh grumbled.

"Leave that to me." Adama replied determinedly.

Lee had listened to their conversation in shock. What they were talking about didn't make any sense. "What happened? Where did Ka … Starbuck jumped to?"

"Caprica." Adama replied bitterly.

"What?" Lee stared at his father. Why in the gods' names would Kara jump to Caprica? There was nothing left there.

"The pres … Roslin told her to go. She used classified military information to coerce Kara on going on this mission." Adama paused a moment to regain his composure. "As from this moment Roslin is no longer the President of the Colonies."

"Have you talked to her yet?" Lee asked confused. None of this seemed real. Kara was gone. The President had send her back to a Cylon occupied planet and now his father wanted to terminate her presidency?

"She won't leave Colonial One, but we will get her off that ship at all cost." Adama drew in a deep breath before he continued. "We'll send in a strike team to Colonial One and get her out of there and right in the brig where she belongs."

"I know their security detail, they will defend that ship. We'll have to take her down compartment by compartment." Lee said. He was acting on autopilot right now. He knew he wasn't thinking clearly. He couldn't believe that they were actually talking about boarding Colonial One. His mind told him that staging a coup like this was wrong. But Roslin had gone too far, he agreed on that with his father. She had taken Kara away from them … away from him. There was no chance that she would make it back from Caprica alive. There were Cylons everywhere. Not even she would be so lucky. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a few deep breaths. The last thing he had said to Kara had been in anger. And now he would never get a chance to apologize.

XXXXXXX

The strike team for Colonial One would leave in twenty minutes. As Tigh was taking care of the planning, Lee had some time to think about everything that had happened in quiet. He went back to his quarters to change out of his flight suit and get a quick shower. He knew he needed this time to calm down and think it all through.

"Daddy." Nia called for him happily when she saw her father stepping into the room.

"Hi." Alicia greeted him. "How did the test flight go?"

Lee only looked at her, not even registering the outstretched arms of his daughter and Alicia knew immediately that something had happened.

"What's wrong?"

"Kara is …" Lee closed his eyes for a moment. He couldn't talk about this with Alicia. Kara wasn't really her favorite topic. And how was he supposed to explain to her that they were going to stage a military coup in a few minutes? "I'll explain it later. I only have a few minutes and I really need to take a shower."

Without saying anything else, Lee walked passed his wife and daughter and disappeared in the bathroom.

"Where's Kara?" Questioningly Nia looked at her mother after hearing her father saying Kara's name.

Alicia took a deep breath before she turned to her daughter. "Kara is not here, sweetheart. Why don't you keep painting?" She gave her another pencil and Nia, satisfied with that answer, turned her attention back to the sheet of paper in front of her.

Alicia watched her silently, not really seeing what her daughter was drawing. She couldn't forget the look in Lee's eyes. He had looked devastated. And it had something to do with Kara. Did he want to tell her about the affair? Gods, why couldn't this woman just disappear out of their lives. Then she could just forget about everything that happened and go on with her life.

XXXXXXX

The strike team had had no problems overcoming the security detail waiting for them on Colonial One. Now they stood in the Presidents office, guns drawn and pointing at the remaining agents, who looked determined to protect their president. They too had their guns drawn and pointed at the marines.

Lee stood next to Tigh. He hadn't drawn his gun yet. All the way over here he had thought about if this was right. They were staging a military coup. Gods, how could this ever be right? When he had heard about Roslin's order for Kara to jump back to Caprica, he had been more than willing to make her pay for that. The brig did seem like the best place for her then. But now … the more he thought about this, the more he knew how wrong this all was. The President had made a mistake. Well, he had made a lot more mistakes since coming onboard Galactica and so had his father. This was a mistake too. They couldn't just throw democracy out of the window simply because they didn't agree with the President. And this was happening more out of personal anger, not military reasoning. It was wrong.

"Madam President, no one needs to get hurt here." He heard Tigh address Roslin.

"Then why don't you get off my ship, Colonel?" She replied quietly.

"I'm placing you under arrest." It was evident that Tigh wouldn't back down. He would order the marines to open fire if Roslin wouldn't step down.

Lee knew he couldn't let this happen. His father's words echoed in his mind. Follow your instincts. "No... no, we're not doing this."

He couldn't believe himself that he had just said those words out loud. He had never gone against orders his whole life. He had destroyed a civilian ship because that had been his orders and he had never thought about disobeying that order despite all his doubts if it had been the right decision. So why was he doing it now?

"I'm in command here, Captain." Tigh glared at him angrily.

"Colonel, this is wrong!" Lee said even more determinedly. He had told both Roslin and his father once that he would protect the law. And this was going against everything he had been raised to believe in. His father had made this decision out of rage; Lee knew that Kara was like a daughter for him. He had been angry too. But anger wasn't the right reason for this. He had to put a stop to it. Slowly his hand moved to his sidearm.

"You're relieved, fall back! Madam President …" Gasping Tigh froze in his tracks. Lee had drawn his weapon and held it now right on Tigh's head.

"Men, lay down your weapons." Lee ordered everyone in the room., hoping they would listen to him. They didn't.

"Have you lost your frakkin' mind?" Tigh hissed.

"Colonel, tell these marines to fall back." Lee said more loudly.

"This is mutiny, you know that." Tigh said through clenched teeth. He couldn't believe that William Adama's son would be capable of doing something like this. He was nothing like his father.

"Yes, I do." Lee was surprised how calm he suddenly was. He had thought that committing mutiny would make him a bit more nervous. "But you can tell my father that I'm listening to my instincts and my instincts tell me that we cannot sacrifice our democracy just because the President makes a bad decision."

Surprised Roslin had watched how Lee had pulled his weapon against Tigh. She would have never believed he would go against his father. For a second she had hoped that with his help they might have a chance to get out of here. But even if they got out, where would they go? They couldn't hide in the fleet forever; Adama would eventually track them down. And this would ruin Lee's life. She couldn't let that happen.

"Put your guns down." She said determinedly.

"Madam... Madam President, stand back." Lee said, not taking his eyes off Tigh. They only had this one chance, he couldn't make a mistake.

"Put your gun down, Captain. I will not have blood shed, neither your men nor my people on the Colonial One." Roslin said quietly. "Put your gun down, all of you. Please, put your gun down."

Lee hesitated a moment, then he lowered his gun. It was over. Tigh quickly stepped to him and grabbed for his gun. "Let's go."

"Secure those weapons." One of the marines ordered.

"Let's go, Captain." Another Marine went to Lee and handcuffed him.

After he was brought out of the room, Tigh and Roslin stared at each other for a moment. Roslin was determined to end this on her conditions. She wasn't going to be let out of her ship. "Let's go." She said quietly. Then she walked passed Tigh without looking at him and left the room.

XXXXXX

Slowly Kara came back to consciousness. She felt hands holding her and a familiar voice talking to her. When she opened her eyes, the world seemed blurry. She saw a man in front of her, helping her get up from the dead body below her. At least she hoped it was a dead body ... she didn't think she was capable of another fight like she just went through. She forced her attention back on the man holding her ... he was wearing a flight suit. "Lee?" Her mouth formed his name, but her voice betrayed her.

"Okay, okay, come here. Okay." The man spoke to her calmly.

That voice ... it wasn't Lee. She closed and opened her eyes a few times until her vision became sharper again. "Helo?" Again her voice was hardly audible. She cleared her throat.

"I can't believe it. You are like the last person I expected to see." Helo said smiling.

"I could say the same thing about you." This time her voice was more stable and the words actually left her mouth. She let out a relieved laugh at seeing her friend. For two months she had thought he was dead.

"You okay?" Helo asked. He too couldn't help but let out a relieved laugh.

Kara's only response was a cry of pain as he helped her to stand up. That was all the answer Helo needed. He didn't ask her again.

"Oh, I missed you." Kara put her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight embrace. That's when her eyes fell on another familiar face, standing a few feet above from where she was standing right now. This couldn't be ...

"Hey, I ..." Helo began. Then he noticed Kara pulling his gun out and raising it to shoot at something above them. Immediately he grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"She's a Cylon!" Kara screamed.

"No, no, no!" Helo tried to stop her. "You can't, you can't... she's pregnant."

Again Kara let out a scream, then she sagged down, the shock over everything that happened the last few hours finally taking control of her. Crying she sat on the floor. This was all a big nightmare, it couldn't be real. She was on Caprica, the woman she had known for years was a Cylon, Lee hated her ... She had left everything behind, she had betrayed him and it was all for nothing ... And Lee and the Old Man were on Galactica and a Cylon was with them and there was nothing she could do to warn them. All she could do right now was sit on the floor in the destroyed Delphi Museum and cry.

XXXXXXX

Lee hadn't said much on the way back to Galactica. He had let them take off his uniform to search for any hidden weapons, than they had shackled him again. This was not exactly how his plan had been. Not that he really had a plan. It really just had been pure instinct that had made him raise his gun against Tigh. He had hoped his XO would back down and with some luck he would have gotten off of Colonial One with Roslin and hidden somewhere in the fleet. That really hadn't been much of a plan, but it might have worked if Roslin hadn't been the one to back down. He understood her reasons, but he still felt … he wasn't even sure what he felt. Disappointed? No, that wasn't it. Roslin had only tried to save lives with her decision. He had to respect that and it really wasn't anything to feel disappointed about. Anger? Maybe. She could have at least given it a try. She could have waited a bit longer before giving in to Tigh's order and sending them both on a straight path to the brig.

When he stepped out of the raptor on Galactica's hangar bay, he tried to ignore the curious and surprised glances everyone sent his way. It wasn't every day that they saw their CAG handcuffed and led away by marines. He expected they would bring him right to the brig. His father hadn't hesitated to send Kara there for punching the XO in the face. He had held a gun to his head – he would probably never see the outside of the brig again.

Therefore he was more than surprised when he got separated from Roslin and was brought directly to CIC. What was his father trying to do? Humiliate him in front of all CIC? Of course he wouldn't let go of a chance like this. Finally his father could show the world what a failure he had for a son. Tigh would love this. Gods, all those years his father had insisted that Lee wouldn't get differential treatment because he was the son of a decorated colonial officer. And now … he didn't think that his father would have had any other officer brought to CIC for something like this.

Lee was ordered to stand still next to a console, two marines standing right beside him. His father hadn't arrived in CIC yet. He was probably busy locking the President away. Again Lee tried to ignore the glances everyone sent his way. Most of them looked surprised and shocked that their CAG had gone against the Commander's orders. He refused to return any of the looks. Instead he stared at the wall opposite from him until he saw Boomer and Racetrack step into CIC. He had almost forgotten about their mission to destroy the basestar in the orbit of Kobol. It was good to know that it had been a success, despite the fact that they didn't have the raider anymore.

Still waiting for his father, his thoughts went to his family. What would Alicia say, when she found out what he did? She would be angry, that was for sure. He could consider himself lucky if she ever let him see his daughter again. The brig wasn't really the best place for a child.

He didn't have much time to think of this though as now his father had arrived as well. He walked by Lee and only paused for a short moment. The glare he gave Lee made him feel like a boy again. He waited for his father to say anything, but he stayed silent. Without looking at Lee again, he went to Boomer and Racetrack. Leave it to his father to give him the silent treatment. He hated to admit it, but that hurt more than any yelling his father could have done. Though Lee was sure he wouldn't have to wait too long for that.

"Congratulations to both of you. You carried out a very difficult and dangerous mission. And you did it despite any personal misgivings you may or may not have had. And for that I'm very proud. Thank you." Adama said to the two pilots.

Both Boomer and Racetrack were beaming with proud. Lee knew those words were meant for him too. He had let his father down. He hadn't completed his mission because of these personal misgivings as his father had called them. His father still hasn't realized that it had been a mistake. Sure, committing mutiny hadn't been the best decision either, but what choice did he have? Lee just hoped his father would see that eventually. But knowing how stubborn both of them could be that might take a while.

He listened to Racetrack's and Boomer's grateful replies. His father was about to shake Boomer's hand and Lee thought that it would probably be his turn next, when two shots rang through CIC. Horrified Lee watched how his father fell back on a console behind him. It took him a second to realize what had happened. His father had been shot.

As soon as that realization hit him, he ran to his father, shaking off the two marines who tried to stop their prisoner. They didn't have a chance to hold him. The only thing Lee could think of was getting to his father and no one would stop him. As soon as he had reached him, he knelt next to him and cradled his head in his arms. He hardly noticed Tigh pressing his hands on the two wounds or Dee holding his father's hand, praying silently. He only noticed that there was blood everywhere.

"Someone get a doctor! Get Doc Cottle!" He screamed. "Oh, dad... "

TBC

**A.N.: Thanks to Laurie for beta reading. :) And thanks to everyone for your reviews. **


	17. Scattered

Alicia wasn't in the best mood when she entered sickbay. First Lee had refused to talk to her about whatever it was that was bothering him and then Elosha hadn't shown up to their appointment. As her daughter was spending time with Mathilda and with nothing else to do, she had decided to go to sickbay. There was always work to do and it was better then just sitting around in her quarters.

"Ali, hi, what brings you here?" Layne asked, surprised to see her friend.

"I had nothing to do, so I figured I might as well come to work."

"That's nice. I was …"

"Layne, we gotta go!" A medic interrupted her.

"What happened?"

"Emergency call from CIC. And Cottle isn't on board."

"CIC?" Layne asked surprised. Then she quickly grabbed a med kit and ran after her colleague.

Worried Alicia watched them leave. She hoped it wasn't anything too serious.

XXXXXXX

Alicia was filling out some papers, when Commander Adama was brought to sickbay. Shocked she stared at her father-in-law.

"What happened to him?" She asked as she jumped up and followed to where Adama was brought.

"He was shot." Layne explained quickly. "We need to stabilize him until Cottle is back."

Frantically Alicia looked around. She expected Lee to burst in here any second. Surely he would be notified immediately of this. But there was no sign of him. Helplessly she watched as her father-in-law was rolled into the examining room.

"Is there anything I can do?" She called after Layne.

"Pray."

XXXXXXX

Alicia had sat in the waiting room for almost half an hour and still there was no sign of her husband. She was almost ready to go search for him, when she saw Colonel Tigh walk into sickbay.

"Colonel, what is going on here? What happened to the Commander? And where is my husband? Hasn't he been notified? That is his father in there …"

"Mrs. Adama!" Tigh snapped at her, stopping her tirade. When he was convinced that she would listen to him, he continued. "Captain Adama is well aware of what happened to his father. He was in CIC and witnessed the whole … incident." Tigh had to force himself to say the last word. William Adama got shot – that was a whole lot more than an incident … it was his worst nightmare.

"If he knows, then where is he?" Alicia asked, afraid of the answer. Right now she could think of only one reason why Lee hadn't accompanied his father to sickbay.

"He's in the brig for committing mutiny." Tigh stated angrily.

"What?" Shocked Alicia stared at him. He couldn't possibly talk about her husband. Lee was a soldier to the core… the only thing he had in common with his father. He would never commit mutiny.

"He held a gun to my head. If you ask me, he should never get out of there again. But that's for the Commander to decide as soon as he wakes up." Tigh hoped his last words would become true. Adama had to wake up again. He couldn't die like this.

Shaken Alicia sagged on the nearest chair. This couldn't be true. This had to be some kind of nightmare.

"Colonel, where is Dr. Cottle?" Layne asked as she stepped into the waiting area.

"How's he doing?" Tigh inquired, ignoring her question.

"Well, the bullet's tore up his spleen. His blood pressure is way down. Somebody needs to get in there and stop the bleeding or we'll lose him. How long 'til Doc Cottle's aboard?" Layne asked again.

"I don't know. It's gonna be a while."

"He doesn't have much time, sir."

"You're gonna have to go in yourself."

"Me? I'm just a medic." Layne called out. She tried hard not to show the panic that was spreading through her right now.

"Today you're a doctor." Tigh ordered.

XXXXXXX

Still shaken, Alicia stepped into the brig. It had actually taken her some time to get there. By now she had thought she would have known where to find everything on the Galactica, but so far there had never been a reason to go to Galactica's prison. Anger welled up in her. As much as she felt sorry for her husband because of his father, she was furious about his actions. He had committed mutiny … how could he! Did he even think about her and Nia? What would happen to them if Lee was in prison? She couldn't do this on her own. She couldn't raise Nia all alone. She felt the all too familiar panic rise inside her again.

"Can I help you, Ma'am?"

Startled Alicia turned to the marine who had approached her. "Yes, uhm … I'm looking for my husband. Captain Adama."

"He's over there, Ma'am. Last cell."

"Thank you." Alicia forced herself to smile at him.

Slowly she walked to the cell in the back of the room when her eyes fell on a familiar face in another cell. "Madam President?"

"Mrs. Adama." Roslin nodded to the other woman with as much dignity as she could muster in here.

Alicia could only stare at Laura Roslin. What was going on here? Lee and the President were in the brig, the Commander was shot and a medic had to play doctor… Had the whole world suddenly turned crazy? Then her eyes wandered to the next cell and all the anger she had just felt seconds ago left her. She saw Lee sitting on a rack, his shoulders slumped down. He held his head in his hands and looked down on the floor, his hands covering his eyes. His arms were full of blood and he was still shackled. A wave of pity welled over her at the sight of her husband. She had never seen him like this.

"Lee." She said quietly when she stood before his cell. When he didn't react, she called out louder. "Lee."

Slowly he raised his head. She was shocked to see tears in his eyes.

"Oh gods, Lee. What happened?"

Lee looked at her for a moment, then he got up and walked the few steps to her. Alicia couldn't help but stare at his blood stained arms. Lee followed her gaze.

"That's my Dad's …" His voice broke and he looked helplessly at his wife. "Gods, Ali, she shot him. Right in front of me. There was nothing I could do … I don't even know if he's alive."

Alicia cupped his face with her hands through the bars and then gently stroked over his hair. "I was in sickbay when they brought him in. He was still alive. Layne … They're operating on him right now."

"Cottle is already on board?"

Alicia hated to destroy the little hope that had appeared in Lee's eyes. "No, he's not. Layne is operating him. They couldn't wait any longer."

"Layne? Layne Ishay? She's only a medic." Lee called out in despair.

"She's the best medic I've ever seen. She can do this, Lee. I know she can." She hoped he didn't remember the fact that she didn't really know that many medics.

Lee closed his eyes and let his head fall against one of the bars.

"Lee, what happened? Why are you here?"

A harsh chuckle escaped Lee's lips and he shook his head. "I was so stupid. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it was all for nothing."

"You thought holding a gun to Tigh's head was the right thing?" Alicia asked quietly, with a small smile on her lips. This at least got Lee to look up at her again.

"Kinda, yeah …"

"Why did you do it? I guess it has something to do with the president."

Lee let out a harsh breath. "This is such a mess, Ali. Dad …" He closed his eyes again at the memory of his father.

Alicia wanted to grab his hand for comfort, but she couldn't get herself to touch the blood. So instead she stroked his cheek. "He'll be all right, Lee."

"The Commander had decided to terminate Roslin's presidency." It felt easier saying the words when he wasn't referring to his father. "He sent marines over to Colonial One to arrest her. I was there … and I just couldn't let it happen. So …"

"… you held a gun to Tigh's head and tried to help the President." Alicia finished for him.

Lee nodded weakly.

"Why would he want to arrest her?"

Lee glanced in Roslin's direction. He was still angry at her for sending Kara back to Caprica. "She made a mistake. And she betrayed his confidence." His last words were meant more for Roslin than for his wife. "She sent Kara back to Caprica to retrieve some stupid arrow that's supposed to lead us to earth."

Alicia stood frozen for a moment. Kara … So once again it all came back to Kara Thrace. Of course it had to be her. She knew how Adama felt about her. Only she would get him to take such drastic measures. She closed her eyes and tried to regain her composure. She didn't want Lee to sense what was going through her mind right now.

"Why do they need the arrow anyhow? I thought your father knows the way to earth." She finally asked.

Lee shook his head. "I don't know …" Then it hit him. It was all a lie. "He doesn't know the way to earth. Right?" He looked at Roslin at his last question.

Roslin only hesitated a second. "No, he doesn't. He was trying to give everyone hope. We would have never gotten this far without the people having hope that we were going to some place safe."

Lee nodded. That made sense. And it sounded exactly like something his father would do. But it hurt that he hadn't told the truth to his own son.

At that moment, Tigh stepped into the brig. He ignored Roslin as he walked by her cell. When he stood in front of Lee, he glared at him angrily.

"Open the cell." He ordered the marine. Then he stepped inside, followed immediately by Alicia. He thought about sending her out, but before he could say anything, she started shouting at him.

"How dare you keep him like this? He couldn't even clean up. That's his father's blood on his arms and you just left him like this! What kind of man are you? You haven't even taken his shackles off! What is he supposed to do? He's behind the frakking bars?"

Everyone in the room stared at her surprised. Lee had never seen her like this. Tigh's jaw had dropped down; this was a side he had never expected to ever see in Alicia Adama. He was just about to follow her "orders" but then he reminded himself that he was in charge here, not the wife of a mutinous Captain. "He'll be released from the shackles when I say so."

"You frakking bastard." Alicia hissed. She had no idea why she could suddenly talk to him this way, but somehow seeing Lee defeated like this gave her all the strength she needed. For the first time in their marriage Lee needed her, not the other way around.

"How is my father, Colonel?" Lee's question ended the stand down between Tigh and his wife.

Tigh hesitated before he replied. In his opinion, Lee had no right to ask for his father. But he was still the Old Man's son and he couldn't deny him this. "He's still in surgery. That's all I know."

He shot another angry glare at Lee. He would have to come to his reason for being here. He hated to say the next words, but he couldn't postpone this any longer.

"I'm going to need you in the cockpit. We need to jump back to our last location."

"Why?"

"We lost the fleet." Tigh pressed out.

"What?" Lee stared at him stunned for a second, then he chuckled. "You're in command of the fleet for what … 5 minutes? And you already lost the fleet?"

"I'm here to tell you about your parole." Tigh did his best to ignore the mocking smile on Lee's face. "When you're on duty, you'll make no attempt to free her …" He managed to put as much disgust in that word as possible." … or show insurrection among the crew. When you're not on duty, you'll report directly back to this cell. After this conversation you will prepare everything for an oncoming Cylon attack. Understood?"

Lee nodded and repeated his parole. Then he held his hands up and was finally freed from the shackles.

"Pre-flight brief is underway in the ready room." Tigh said gruffly.

"Right."

Lee was about to leave his cell, when Roslin approached him. She couldn't just let him walk away like this.

"Good hunting, Captain."

Lee looked at her surprised, than a small smile appeared on his face. "Thank you... Madam President!"

XXXXXXX

"What's going to happen now?" Alicia asked, afraid of the answer.

"You heard him. We're expecting a Cylon attack. I'll go out, destroy a few raiders and report back to the brig. … And maybe I'll get a chance to check on my father in between."

With a sad look he turned to Alicia. He wanted to take her hand, but he didn't dare … not with all that blood still on his arms. "Ali, I … Could you …"

"I'll be in sickbay and take care of your Dad. Don't worry, Lee." She swallowed. "Just get back safe."

"Thanks." Lee smiled at her gratefully. "And when you get to it, could you give Nia a kiss for me?"

"You can do this yourself when you're back."

"Ali, I have to come back to the brig when I'm back."

"And you don't want Nia to see you behind bars? Don't worry, she's too young to remember later." Alicia smiled at him.

Lee looked at her surprised. "So … you're gonna let me see her even in the brig?"

"Lee, I would never keep Nia away from you."

He had to force the tears down that were threatening to escape his eyes. "Thanks." He wanted nothing more right now then to embrace his wife, but the blood on his arms stopped him from doing so. He needed to get to his quarters and get it off before he attended to the briefing.

"I'm glad I can be there for you for a change." Alicia said quietly.

"You are always there for me, Ali. I don't think I would have survived any of this without you." He swallowed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You did the right thing. And when your father wakes up again, he will realize that."

"You didn't see how he looked at me in CIC, right before …" Lee closed his eyes, reliving in his mind the terrifying image of his father getting shot by one of his pilots.

It broke Alicia's heart to see her husband in so much pain. Forgetting all about his blood stained arms, she pulled him into a tight embrace. "He will be all right." She whispered.

XXXXXXX

For over five minutes Lee stood in his bathroom, scrubbing his arms. The blood just wouldn't come off. Or at least it felt that way. There were no traces of it to be seen, but Lee felt like his arms were still covered with his father's blood. And no matter how hard he scrubbed, the feeling just wouldn't go away. He only stopped when he was called over the PA speaker to report to the flight deck.

XXXXXXX

After the fight with the Cylons was over and they had found the fleet again, Tigh's first thought was Adama. He hurried down to sickbay. He needed to know how his friend and Commander was doing. A nurse showed him the way to Adama's room. When he stepped inside, he found Alicia Adama was already there. She was talking to the medic who had operated on Adama. He wished he could remember her name. He wasn't sure if he had even asked for it.

"How is he?"

"Alive." Layne answered dryly. "He survived the operation. But I'll feel much better once Cottle is here."

"He's on his way. Hell of a job."

"From now on, no more heart massages for me. I'm sticking to pills and enemas. Sir."

"Let's hear it." Tigh couldn't wait any longer.

"Well, I managed to stop the bleeding. Um, but... he's still critical."

"Doc's on his way." Tigh repeated. "Can you hear me, Bill?"

Alicia was still furious with the Colonel for the way he had treated Lee, but his behavior towards Adama surprised her. She didn't think he was capable of feeling anything. But anyone present could see the worry on his face.

For a moment, Tigh forgot that he wasn't alone in the room. He bent down to Adama and talked to him quietly. "You never should have brought me back in the service. If you'd just let me be, I'd have died back there in Caprica along with everyone else, and been happier for it. I don't want to command. I never did. Don't you dare die on me now."

His words were barely above a whisper, but Alicia could understand them anyway. She knew exactly how he felt. During the last two months she had wished several times that she had stayed on Caprica that day. It would have been so much easier. But then her thoughts went back to Lee. She had been able to help him today. And for the first time she didn't regret surviving the Cylon attack on the Colonies.

TBC

**A.N.: Laurie, thank you so much for beta reading :) **


	18. Valley of Darkness

After her talk with Tigh, Alicia wanted to go to the Hangar Deck to see if Lee had made it back safely. Tigh hadn't bothered to tell her anything about her husband and whether he had come back from the fight, and Alicia had been too stubborn to ask him herself. She would only leave sickbay for a few minutes and would be right back at her father-in-law's side, but she couldn't concentrate if she didn't know if Lee had returned safely.

As she was just about to step out of the room, the lights suddenly went out. Frozen, she stood in the dark. She could hear people shouting everywhere around her.

"What the hell?"

"Grab the emergency flashlights!"

"Copy that. Check the ventilator."

Alicia tried to control her breathing. She did anything to not break out in panic. What had happened now? She stood pressed against a wall for what seemed an eternity, staring in the dark. When the lights flashed up again moments later, she had to close her eyes against the sudden brightness.

"Thank the gods." She muttered. She tried to control her breathing to calm down again. She forced herself to go back to her father-in-law to see if his condition had gotten worse due to the power failure. Every fiber of her body screamed that she needed to go to her daughter. But she had promised Lee she would stay with his father. Nia was safe. If anything had happened, Mathilda would know where to find her. She would take care of her daughter.

XXXXXXX

While the pilots were celebrating their return from the battle against the Cylons, Lee climbed out of his viper. He didn't feel like celebrating at all.

"Hey, Captain, nice work out there." Flyboy called to him.

"I'm not sure what you guys are kissing and hugging about. We screwed up. We let one through." Lee said quietly. He tried to control his temper. He was still angry with himself for letting that raider get passed him and heading straight towards Galactica.

"Yes, sir." Flyboy replied quietly.

"What's going on with the lights?" Kat asked, speaking out what Lee had thought to himself as soon as he had noticed the darkness on the hangar deck.

"I'm not sure." He replied. But he was determined to find out. With quick steps he went to the first deckhand he saw. "What's the status, Jammer?"

"Power's out, sir." Jammer replied nervously. "I think it's ship wide. Sound-powered phone's the only thing working. Tried to get through to damage control, but the lines are jammed."

"Okay, get the birds tied down, make the ordinance safe. I'll head up to combat; see what the hell's going on." Lee ordered. Then he turned around and left the hangar bay. What did Tigh do this time? He thought angrily. He had wanted to go to sickbay to see after his father right after his return, and now he had to take care of this mess. First Tigh loses the fleet, and now this. Should his father never wake up again, they were really in a lot of trouble.

XXXXXXX

Lee was walking a few steps behind Flyboy, Hotdog and Kat. While the other pilots were on their way to the rec room, Lee wanted to go straight to CIC to see for himself what had happened. All three pilots were still high from the adrenaline from the previous battle and kept chattering about their maneuvers. Lee hardly listened to them. His thoughts circled around his father. He didn't even know if he was alive. When he had approached Galactica in his viper, he had thought about asking CIC over the wireless for any news on him. But the fear that the news might not be anything positive had stopped him from doing so. He didn't want to find out that his father had died while he sat in a viper.

He was so deep in thought about his father that he didn't notice how the other pilots suddenly stopped in their tracks until he practically ran into them. Startled he looked up. He could hear Kat screaming and then he saw a Centurion standing right in front of them. Before Lee had time to realize what happened, the Centurion had stabbed Flyboy with a razor coming out of his hand. It happened so fast, that no one had time to react. Flyboy was immediately dead, his blood splattered on his fellow pilots.

"Holy, frak! Frak!" Hotdog called out in panic, jumping back just in time before the Centurion could stab him too.

Quickly Lee, Hotdog and Kat pulled out their weapons and started shooting at the Centurion, but their weapons didn't do any harm to him. Kat screamed out loud when the Centurion came after her.

"Frak! Get out of here! Now, come on!" Lee yelled. He grabbed Kat's arm and pulled her away from the Centurion, then he motioned them back down the corridor they had just came from, away from the Centurion.

"Go, go, go!" Kat shouted, her fear clearly audible in her voice.

"Come on, come on! Hurry! Get through the hatch! Go!" Lee yelled at them. He was leading them towards a nearby ladder. He hoped the Centurions weren't built to climb ladders … then they might actually get out of here alive. "Get up the ladder, go! Get up, get up the ladder!"

He turned around to look behind him and regretted it immediately. The Centurion had almost reached them and was coming closer fast. Lee kept shooting until he ran out of ammo. It didn't stop the Centurion and it was already too close to Lee; he didn't have any time left to climb up the ladder himself. He closed his eyes shut, expecting to be stabbed by the Centurion's razor any second. Suddenly he heard an explosion directly in front of him. He shielded his face with his arms and when his vision cleared again, he saw marines walking up behind the Centurion. The latter lay headless on the floor.

"You all right, Captain?" One of the marines asked.

"Still breathing. I guess that's all right." Lee replied, slightly out of breath. He tried to stop his hands from shaking. This had been close. Real close. Then he called up the ladder. "Kat, Hotdog! You all right?"

"Think so." Hotdog replied from above while he and Kat came climbing down.

"Can I get back to you on that?" Kat said when she stood next to Lee. She was still pale from the shock of what happened.

Lee knew how she felt. He was still trembling inside from what had just happened. Right now he wanted nothing more than to find his wife and daughter and hide somewhere safe. But he knew that wasn't an option. He knew that Alicia was safe in sickbay and there wasn't really any reason for the Cylons to go to private quarters … so Nia should be safe too. His family wasn't in any immediate danger and he needed to concentrate on the task at hand. Taking a deep breath Lee turned to the leading Marine.

"Sitrep?"

"We've been boarded, Sir. Don't know how many, where they are, where they're headed." The Marine reported. "Our standard ammo doesn't even make a dent. Explosive rounds are the only way to take them down."

"How many rounds you got?" Lee inquired.

"That was our last one."

Trying to ignore Kat's gasp of fear, Lee wrote a quick note. "Hotdog. Take this to C.I.C. Give it to Colonel Tigh or the officer in charge."

"Yes, sir." Hotdog gave a quick salute and ran off.

"Marines. Let's go toaster shopping." Lee called out. He would stop these Cylons and if it was the last thing he did. He wouldn't let them come near his family.

XXXXXXX

While Alicia tried to help as much as possible in sickbay, she heard the fleet wide call from Galactica's CIC.

"Galactica to all ships. We have been boarded by a Cylon raiding party. Do not approach or attempt to dock with Galactica. Keep a safe distance until we have secured the ship. I say again, we have been boarded by a Cylon raiding--ah!"

The quiet following that call was even worse than the darkness before. Again Alicia felt the panic rise in her. There were Cylons on the Galactica. With fear in her eyes she stared at her friend.

Layne knew what was going through Alicia's head. "You can't leave now, Ali. With Cylons on board, you'll never make it to your quarters. It's too dangerous."

"I can't leave her alone now." Alicia whispered.

"She's not alone. Mathilda is with her." Layne tried to reason with her.

"No … I'm sorry, Layne. I can't just stay here. She's my daughter. I can't leave her alone." Without another word Alicia ran out of sickbay.

XXXXXXX

Lee's first destination was the brig. Roslin was still in there; he didn't think that Tigh had thought about releasing her. If the Cylons knew she was in there, they might try to take her out. She was still the President of the Colonies after all. He would make sure that didn't happen.

When he stepped into the brig, he found Roslin already outside her cell. Thankfully the Marine in charge had proven to be thoughtful enough to let her out. Quickly Lee explained the situation.

"We've been boarded. This deck is crawling with Cylons. They're trying to get to the magazines."

"How can we help?" Roslin asked immediately.

Her question once again reminded Lee why he admired her so much. She probably hadn't held a gun her whole life and yet she offered her help in a situation like this. Although he didn't doubt that she could kill any Cylon coming her way if she put her mind to it.

"Stay alive and don't get shot. Leave the Cylons to us." He replied. "Okay, sickbay is the safest spot. It's farthest away from any potential targets, and it's designed to function as a disaster shelter in case the ship was lost." His words were meant to reassure him as much as Roslin. He hoped he was right and sickbay really was the safest place right now.

He turned to one of the Marines and asked for his weapon which he then handed to the President's aide. "Okay, Billy, you ever handled a weapon before?"

"Pellet gun from my uncle when I was, like, ten." Billy stared horrified at the gun in his hand.

"Principle's the same. Real ones just make a bigger noise." He then turned to Roslin, handing her his own weapon. "Madame President?"

"No, thank you. I can't." Roslin shook her head vehemently. As much as she wanted to help, she had no experience at all with handling a weapon. She wouldn't be any help.

"Corporal." Lee turned to Venner.

"Yes?"

"You're in charge of getting her down to sickbay. Take Bonnington as escort. Remember, just head away from the sound of gunfire." Lee told him.

"Right." Venner nodded nervously.

Again Lee wrote a short note and handed it to him. "Could you give this to my wife? She should be in sickbay."

"Of course, Sir."

"What about you?" Roslin asked worried.

"We're heading towards the gunfire." He replied. Then he turned back to the Marines." Okay, listen up. There's a small arms locker on causeway bravo, two decks down. We're gonna go get some explosive rounds, and then we're heading for the magazines. Marine!"

"Sir."

"You take point." Lee ordered.

"Good luck, Captain. May the Lords protect you." Roslin said quietly.

"Yeah, you too." Lee gave her a small smile before he turned his attention back on the Marine. "Clear?"

"Clear."

"Okay, let's go."

XXXXXXX

On the corridor leading to the arms locker they found more dead men lying on the floor. There was blood everywhere. Lee stared at them for a second. Then he closed his eyes and tried desperately not to think of Alicia and Nia.

"Frak, why did I let this frakking raider through." He mumbled almost inaudibly. He knew there hadn't been much he could have done. If he had followed the raider any further, he would have flown directly into Galactica's flak. It would have been suicide. But he couldn't stop thinking that there had to have been something he could have done to stop the raider.

"Sir?"

He met Kat's questioning eyes at his remark. "Nothing … Keep your eyes up ahead. Come on. Come on! Okay, go. Go, go, go."

When they stepped inside the arms locker, they saw more dead bodies and a man standing in the middle of the room. Immediately they raised their weapons, ready to shoot should he do anything.

"Okay... don't shoot, don't shoot, I'm human!"

"Jammer?" Kat asked astounded.

"Yes Sir, it's me. It's me. Jammer, don't shoot, please. Jammer."

Letting out a deep breath, Lee put down his gun again. He had no idea what Jammer was doing here, but he had no time to think about that now. He looked around the room quickly, taking in his surroundings.

"Collishaw! Watch the hatch." He ordered one of the Marines. "Kat! Twinam! Find those explosive rounds. What the hell happened here?" He had turned to Jammer with his last question.

"I don't know, Sir. I wasn't here in this fight. I just came in here to hide. The Cylons are everywhere." Jammer replied in a panicked voice.

"All right, settle down, settle down. You're gonna be just fine." Lee tried to calm him.

"Apollo?"

When Lee turned to Kat, he saw her pointing at an ammunition case with six explosive rounds in it.

"You're kidding me. That's it?" Lee couldn't believe it. How were they supposed to defeat the Cylons with only six rounds?

"Didn't have much to begin with, sir. The other fire teams must have cleaned the locker out right before us." Twinam, one of the marines, said.

"Six rounds. … There are five of us. Okay, well... each of you guys take one. I'll take the reload." Lee replied.

"Wait, you're not counting me, are you, Sir?" Jammer called out, even more panicked than before. "I mean, I'm just … I mean, I'm just a knuckle dragger here. I don't know how to fight Centurions. I don't know the first thing about fighting Centurions!"

Lee ignored his words and forced the explosive round in Jammer's hand. "Come on. Let's go."

XXXXXXX

Exhausted, Kara lay on the couch in her old apartment, listening to her father's music.

"You know, I never really liked this place anyway. Air conditioning doesn't work in the summer. Heater doesn't work in the winter. The rent's a crime." She said with closed eyes.

"A-hah." Helo didn't really know what to say. After two months on the run, sleeping in empty restaurants or barns most of the time, her apartment was like heaven to him. He watched her taking out a cigar of a box and lighting it up. He couldn't believe this was all really true. Only a few hours ago he had been with Sharon, happy – under the circumstances – to be with her. And now … Sharon turned out to be a Cylon, she was pregnant with his child and he had watched Kara almost getting killed by that blonde Cylon bitch that had nearly killed him too during those first days he'd been on Caprica after the attack. After the beating that Kara had taken and that fall through the museums ceiling, he didn't know how she even had been capable of going all the way to her apartment. He knew Starbuck was tough, but she had proven to be a lot tougher than he had thought.

"After they attacked, I never... I never pined over any of my old crap." Kara began talking again after a while. "Never missed it. Stupid view of the parking lot. Broken toilet in the bathroom. You know, everyone I know... is fighting to get back what they had. I'm fighting 'cause I don't know how to do anything else." She let out a deep breath.

"What about the people on Galactica? The Old Man? You could be fighting for him." Helo replied quietly.

"Yeah …" Kara whispered. "And Apollo …"

"Apollo?" Helo asked with a raised eyebrow.

"He's a father now, did you know that? He's fighting for his daughter."

"No, I didn't know." Helo looked at her surprised. "With all the things you told me about him the last two years, I would have thought you'd mention that."

"I didn't know." Kara looked sadly down at her hands. "We grew apart so far … He got married, got a daughter and I never knew. If the Cylons hadn't attacked, I probably still wouldn't know."

"But now you do."

"Yeah … I can't stand his wife." Kara admitted.

"Big surprise." Helo chuckled.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Kara. I know you've got feelings for this guy. The way you've been talking about him all this time …"

"What are you talking about? I mean, I just realized how I feel for him… only a few weeks ago." Kara stared at him surprised.

"You should listen to yourself a bit more often, Starbuck. It was obvious from the beginning you're in love with him. Gods, you drove me crazy the days before the decommissioning. You could hardly talk about anything else but the great Apollo coming to Galactica."

"I did talk about other things." Kara replied offended.

"Not when we were alone."

Sighing Kara pounded her hand on the couch. "It doesn't matter now anyway. He's married. And he loves her. So … I'll just have to forget about that and move on."

XXXXXXX

Scared, Alicia stumbled through the dark corridors of Galactica. Her eyes had accustomed to the darkness, but she still wished she had taken a flashlight before she left sickbay. She kept her eyes focused on the darkness ahead of her, looking out for any red lights coming towards her. So far she hadn't seen any Cylons, thank the gods. But she had heard several shots and people screaming. She felt like she was living her worst nightmare.

Suddenly she stumbled over something lying on the floor. She lost her balance and fell down on the floor herself. She gasped in shock when her eyes fell on a dead woman right in front of her. His eyes were wide open, filled with cold dread and fear. She tried to crawl away in horror, when she heard a moan. She held her breath, scared to death about what was waiting in the dark for her. When she heard another moan, she tried to regain her composure. Someone here was still alive.

"Who's there?" She whispered. She didn't dare to speak up in case any Centurions were somewhere nearby.

"Alicia?" A small voice answered her.

"Oh gods, Dee, is that you?" Alicia saw some movement next to her and crawled to where she thought Dee was lying. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I was going to the head …" Her voice trailed off and with wide eyes she looked at Alicia. "I went back to my rack … I forgot something …"

"Are you hurt?" Alicia wished she could see more in the dark.

"My head …"

With shivering hands Alicia traced Dee's head for any injuries. When she felt something wet on her fingers, she knew Dee was bleeding.

"We have to get you to sickbay … you think you can walk?"

"There was someone with me …" Dee mumbled.

"Yes … she's dead. I'm sorry." Alicia whispered.

"She stopped breathing a while ago …"

"We really have to go now." Alicia grabbed Dee's arm and put it around her shoulder. Then she tried to pull her up but Dee was dead weight in her arms. "Dee, you gotta help me. We have to go."

She didn't get a reaction from the other woman. Desperately she thought about what she should do now. She couldn't carry her all the way. Suddenly she had an idea.

"Petty officer Dualla, look at me." She had seen this work several times in sickbay the past few weeks. No matter how injured or traumatized the patients were, they always reacted to their rank.

And it worked with Dee too. When she heard her rank, Dee immediately snapped out of her haze.

"Alicia? Hey. I'm glad to see you. I've been here in the dark a long time."

"I know. That's why we have to go now. You probably have a concussion, but I need you to help me. We gotta do this together. So … you think you can walk?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Again Alicia tried to pull Dee up and this time Dee helped her. When they were finally standing, they made their way to sickbay. Alicia just hoped she would find the way back.

XXXXXXX

Impatiently Lee had watched Jammer trying to repair the headset. When he was finally done, Lee immediately took it from him and called CIC. "Combat, 12-8-6-4-2. Arms locker. Apollo here."

He only had to wait a short moment before he heard Tigh's voice.

"Apollo, XO. SitRep."

"Five armed effectives. We haven't seen anything but bodies between here and the hangar deck." He swallowed down the bile in his throat at the memory.

"Any marines with you?"

"Privates Collishaw, Twinan."

„Privates." Tigh muttered. „All right, give me Collishaw!"

„Why?"

„Because I said so." Tigh replied angrily.

„This is my command, Colonel." Lee insisted. He would be damned if he would give that up just because of Tigh's hurt pride. This was his life at stake here. He wouldn't rely on anyone else."You have orders, you give them through me."

"You are not a Marine und you are not commanding this mission. Now give me Collishaw!" Tigh barked. Inwardly he knew that Lee was the best man for this mission. He outranked the private and he was probably more qualified for combat situations like this either. But he had just mutinied; he didn't have the right to take any commands.

"This isn't the time for some kind of pissing contest between you and your ..."

"Damn right it's not. I'm relieving you of command right now."

Lee couldn't hide a laughter at this. Tigh was being rediculous. "Why?"

"Because you have been a disappointment your whole life and I need someone I can count on." Tigh knew that William Adama had never seen his son as a disappointment. On the contrary. He had shown nothing but pride every time he talked about his oldest son. But there had also always been pain behind his words due to the fact that Lee had refused to have any contact with his father for two years. And in his eyes, that was more than enough reason to see Lee as a disappointment.

"Now put Private Collishaw on the frakking phone." He shouted in the phone.

Lee swallowed down the hurt at Tigh's words and he tried not to think about that his father's thoughts about him were reflecting in Tigh's words. There wasn't time for this now. "This is my command, Colonel. What are your orders?"

"All right, I'm gonna have to take a chance on you." Tigh muttered, finally giving in. "Take your men and proceed without delay to aft damage control."

"Aft damage control." Lee repeated.

"That's what they're after. Let's not waste any more time. You get to aft damage control and get there right frakking now, Mister. Get there before the Cylons or we lose the ship. Is that clear?"

"Aft damage control. RFN. On our way. Apollo out." Lee replied, trying to hide his anger. He didn't think Tigh could have found any way to talk to him less respectfully.

XXXXXXX

Alicia had turned all her attention on Dee, trying to keep her walking, so she didn't noticed anyone coming near her. When she ran into someone after turning around a corner, she let out a surprised cry. Then she had to close her eyes as a bright light shone in her eyes.

"Oh my gods, Dee!"

"Billy …" Alicia heard Dee calling out in relief. When her eyes got accustomed to the light, Alicia saw Roslin, Billy Keikeya and two marines standing in front of her. Billy immediately took Dee from Alicia's arms.

"Thank gods." She said out loud. "We have to get her to sickbay."

"That's were we're trying to go, but this way is blocked." Roslin explained, pointing at the corridor behind her.

"Can you get her there? I need to get my daughter."

"You can't go there alone. There are Cylons everywhere." Roslin exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, Madam President, but I really need to be with my daughter. I need to know she's all right." Alicia replied. She had already half turned around, when Corporal Venner stopped her.

"Ma'am, your husband asked me to give you this." Venner handed her the piece of paper.

"Lee?" Relieved Alicia looked at him. Lee was alive. That was at least one good news. As Venner shone the flashlight on the note, Alicia read Lee's message.

_Stay in sickbay. You're safe there. Don't worry about Nia, the Cylons aren't heading anywhere near our quarters. I know it's hard but I'll bring her to you as soon as this is over. Please take care of Dad till then. I love you, Lee.  
_  
With tears in her eyes and with shaking hands, Alicia stared at the note. Lee wanted her to stay in sickbay, with his father. It was as if he could read her mind. He knew that she wanted nothing more than to be with her daughter right now. He probably felt the same way.

"You have to come with us, Alicia." It was the first time that Roslin had called her by her first name.

Slowly Alicia nodded. She had promised Lee to stay with his father. And now he was asking her again to do it. He needed her to stay strong. When she heard shots again from nearby, she realized that her chances to reach her quarters alive were really small. And she couldn't help neither her daughter nor Lee when she was dead. That thaught actually surprised her. Only a few weeks ago, she had wanted nothing more than to be dead. And now ... now it seemed that she had finally found something worth living for again.

As much as she hated it, she would go back to sickbay. If Lee was strong enough to think of his responsibilities right now, so could she.

"All right, Corporal Venner, this is your ship. I'm just a tourist. Find us another way to sickbay." Roslin said when she saw Alicia agreeing to go with them.

"Okay, um... okay, we have to head toward aft damage control."

"Aft damage control. " Roslin nodded and motioned him to show them the way. She hoped they would reach the safety of sickbay soon.

XXXXXXX

It took them only a few minutes to reach their destination. Luckily they didn't encounter any more Centurions on their way. Lee quickly ordered everyone to take cover and then they turned out the flashlights, waiting for their enemy to arrive.

As soon as the light was out, Lee felt as if the darkness would press him down. He could hear gunshots from somewhere nearby. He tried not to think about what Nia and Alicia must feel like or how his father was doing right now. He hoped the emergency generator for sickbay was working properly.

The longer they sat in the darkness, the more did his thoughts circle around his family. He could practically hear Nia crying; she had always been afraid of the dark.

XXXXXXX

Alicia had silently followed the marines, hoping they would lead them all safely back to sickbay, when they suddenly saw Centurions right ahead of them.

"Take cover! Take cover!" Corporal Venner whispered quickly.

XXXXXXX

Lee could hear the Centurions coming nearer. He took place next to Jammer, who was breathing heavily. He looked like he was close to panic.

"Steady up there, Jammer."

"Yes, Sir. I'm not really cut out for this, Sir." Jammer said with panic in his voice.

"Me neither." Lee sighed as he checked his gun again.

Jammer looked at him, surprised at this comment.

"Sometimes you have to roll a hard six." Lee would have laughed if the situation wouldn't be this serious. He'd never thought he would ever use this expression.

"What does that mean, Sir?"

"Uh... I don't know." Lee admitted, a small smile on his lips. "It's something my Dad says. Just...don't shoot until I tell you to. All right. Okay, we're in good shape. They're coming. But we're in good shape." Lee tried to convince himself with his last words. As he could hear the Centurions coming closer, he could feel the fear rising in him. He tried to controll his breathing ... he needed to stay calm now otherwise he was as good as dead. Nervoulsy he rubbed his hand through his hair; he couldn't remember ever feeling that scared being in a viper, not even right before or during a battle.

"Head shot. Reload. Head shot. Head shot. Reload. Head shot." Lee repeated over and over again. He wasn't sure if he was doing it for Jammer's sake or for himself. The metallic steps of the Centurions got louder with every second. "Okay, they're coming. Everybody down!"

Suddenly a single shot rang through the corridor outside of Aft Damage Control and immediately the Centurions started firing.

"Fire!" Lee shouted.

"Frak!" Jammer shouted out loud.

All Lee later remembered from the shooting was a lot of screams, shots ringing in his ears and the sight of the two marines falling down on the floor. From the looks of it they were dead immediately.

He had no idea how, but in the end they had managed to shoot down the two centurions that had approached them. Lee had taken one out seconds before it could have killed him. He never wanted to be that close to a Centurion again.

After the Centurions were dead, there was a heavy silence lying over the room. After a few seconds everyone got up from their cover.

"We did it! We got them all! They don't look so big now, do they?" Jammer called out excitedly.

"They look big enough." Lee said quietly, staring at the dead marines.

XXXXXXX

When Alicia saw Lee coming up behind the boxes, she wanted nothing more than to jump up and run to him. But she sat frozen on the floor. She couldn't move. She still heard the screams of the marines in her ears, the shots and explosions all around her. She pulled her arms around her to stop the trembling.

Lee was surprised to see Roslin and Venner right outside of Damage Control. He walked in their direction to see if they were all right when his eyes fell on his wife. "Ali?"

With only a few quick steps he was at her side. "Ali, are you all right?"

"Lee." Relieved and still full of fear Alicia slung her arms around him.

Lee noticed her trembling and held her close to him, his hand stroking through her hair. "It's alright, you're safe. It's over now." He whispered in her ear. "Are you hurt?"

"No … I'm fine." Alicia swallowed and pulled out of the embrace. When her eyes fell on Lee's face, she let out a shocked gasp. "Lee, your face …"

Lee looked at her in confusion.

"It's full of … blood …" She whispered.

Surprised Lee lifted his hands to his face. With everything that had happened he hadn't even noticed that. For the second time today he was covered with somebody else's blood.

"It's not mine, Ali. I'm not hurt."

With tears in her eyes she looked at him. "Can we just go to Nia? Please?"

Slowly Lee nodded and pulled her closer to him. Right now he wanted nothing more than to be with his family.

XXXXXXX

When they finally stood in front of Mathilda's quarters, Lee motioned Alicia to go in.

"I'll be with you in a few minutes. I just need to wash up before ... Nia doesn't need to see me like this." Lee swallowed.

Alicia nodded slowly. "Okay."

Then she knocked on the door, called out her name and entered; she didn't have the nerve to wait for Mathilda to open the door for her. The room was lit with a few candles and Alicia immediately saw her daughter sitting on the couch.

"Nia, honey ..." She called out and ran to her daughter.

"Mommie." Happy to see her mother, Nia crawled from the couch. Before she could walk a few steps, Alicia was at her side and pulled her up in her arms.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so happy to see you." She said between tears, holding her daughter close to her.

"Fireworks, Mommie." Nia beamed with joy.

"What?" Confused Alicia looked at her daughter.

"Uhm, I told her that the loud noises were fireworks." Mathilda explained. "She was scared and I ... well ..."

"Thank you so much." Alicia said gratefully. With Nia still on her arms, she went to the older woman and gave her a warm hug. "Thank you for taking care of her."

"That's what I'm here for, right?" Mathilda said smiling.

"Where's Daddy?"

"He'll be here in a minute." Alicia told her daughter. When she met Mathilda's questioning eyes, she went on. "He's all right. He's just ... washing up."

Mathilda nodded understandingly.

"You see it, mommie?"

Again Alicia looked confused at her daughter.

"She means the fireworks." Mathilda said quietly.

"Oh ... " Alicia forced herself to smile at her daughter. "Yes, I saw it."

XXXXXXX

After making sure that Nia was all right, Lee went to sickbay to see after his father. It would be the first time he'd see him after Boomer shot him. He just hoped Tigh wouldn't throw him into the brig before he saw his father.

He was lucky; Tigh was nowhere to be seen in sickbay. A nurse showed him where he could find his father.

Lee was shocked at his father's appearance. He looked pale and weak. There were tubes and monitors everywhere. He had never seen him like this. His father was always the strong one, he never let anyone see any weaknesses, if he had any at all. And here he was ... He was lying almost lifeless in sickbay, fighting for his life. For the first time Lee didn't see him as the invincible Battlestar Commander he had thought of him his whole life.

Lee took a few more steps closer to his father and took his hand in his. He tried to think of something to say. He wasn't sure if his father would hear him, but it seemed like the right think to do.

But before he could say anything, Roslin stepped inside the room, shortly followed by Tigh. Both of them felt sorry at the devastated expression on Lee's face.

"Doc Cottle's on his way. He'll be here any minute." Despite his anger Tigh wanted to say something that would comfort the young man. But he had never been good in situations like this.

"He's going to be all right. You know that." Roslin said quietly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I ... I know that." Lee replied, not taking his eyes from his father. Of course he would be all right. William Adama wouldn't die like this. That's not how it was supposed to happen.

Roslin sensed that Lee needed some more time alone with his father. She had wanted to see with her own eyes how Adama was doing. She wanted to give him some strength to come out of this alive. But it wasn't her place to be here right now. Lee deserved this time with his father. "Colonel, I assume there's still a cell out there waiting for me."

"That's right." Tigh grumbled.

"Corporal Venner, I'm ready." She cast one last look at Adama, then she turned around and left, followed by Venner.

Tigh watched her leaving, shaking his head. Roslin never ceased to surprise him. When he looked down at his friend, the anger against Apollo rise again inside of him. He had seen the look in Bill's eyes when he had come into CIC, looking at his handcuffed son. Apollo had disappointed his father in every possible way.

"I can't believe you sided with that woman against the Old Man." He said angrily. "I wouldn't do that if you put a gun to my head. And you did. As far as I'm concerned, you're not fit to wear a uniform."

"Hmm. You're right about that part. I am not fit to wear the uniform. Maybe I never was. Then again, neither are you. This isn't my ship. And it sure as hell isn't yours. It's his. And when he wakes up..." Lee swallowed. "He'll decide what to do with the both of us." Whatever his father would decide to do with him, Lee just hoped he would be able to forgive him. Without another word he let go of his father's hand and walked out of sickbay, going straight to the brig. He prayed this wasn't the last time he saw his father alive.

"Thank the gods I didn't have kids." Tigh mumbled, watching him leave.

TBC

**A.N.: Special thanks to Laurie for beta reading :) **


	19. Fragged

Restlessly Lee lay on the rack in his cell, his thoughts circling around his father. He felt like he was going crazy. His father was lying in sickbay, and he was stuck here in the brig. He should be at his side right now.

What if his father didn't survive? If the wounds were too serious and he just wasn't strong enough to pull through this? What if he would never wake up again?

Lee had always hated to rely on his parents. He had accepted his mother's help when Alicia had gotten sick, but he would have never asked his father for anything. Not for help and not for advice. It hadn't been necessary. He had told himself that he didn't need his father.

But the thought alone that he would never be able to ask his father for anything, never to hear his advice again, not be able to speak with him, even if it was only in anger ... that thought scared him more than the Centurions he had fought a short while ago. He was scared to lose his father. He felt like a little boy and he hated it. But the feeling wouldn't go away.

Lee closed his eyes and for the first time in years he prayed to the gods. He prayed that they would save his father. He would give anything to talk to him just one more time.

He had already lost Kara, he couldn't lose his father too.

"Lee."

Hearing his wife's voice, Lee jumped off his rack and quickly walked to the bars. "Hey ... How is he?"

"He's in surgery. Cottle is finally onboard and began to operate on him immediately." Alicia told him, taking his hand through the bars. She wished she could embrace him ... she hated being separated like this from him.

Lee nodded slowly, relieved that his father was finally getting the help he needed. He just hoped it wasn't too late.

"Your father is strong, he will get through this." Alicia tried to comfort him.

"Yeah ..." Thoughts of all the things that could go wrong during the surgery flashed through his mind. He tried to push them away. Nothing would go wrong. With Cottle doing the surgery, his father was in the best hands. But the nervous feeling in his gut just wouldn't leave.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to concentrate on something else. Anything that would keep his mind busy so that he would stop worrying about his father. "How are you doing?"

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine." She assured him.

Lee nodded, his thoughts immediately going back to his father. "I ... I'm back on duty in a few minutes. When ... If anything changes ..."

"I'll find you and let you know how he's doing right away."

"Thanks." Lee nodded again, giving her a small smile.

"What are you going to do now?" Alicia asked. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer. Whatever his "duty" was, it probably was something dangerous. And with everything that had already happened today, she didn't think she could cope being afraid for his life again.

"Our people are still on Kobol so we need to come up with a plan to get them back."

Alicia closed her eyes as she asked the next question. "Will you be the one to get them back?"

"One of them, yes." Lee squeezed her hand. He could see she was scared and he wanted to take some of the fear away. "It won't be as dangerous as it seems. The Basestar is destroyed. There will only be a few Cylons left on the planet. We probably won't see any of them."

"I hope you're right." Alicia whispered.

XXXXXXX

After Lee left the brig, he went straight to CIC. He needed to know all the information they had about Kobol.

As soon as he stepped into CIC, he froze. All he could do was stare at the empty console in the middle of the room. For a moment he saw his father again, lying there in his own blood. He clasped his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. He could feel his father's blood on him again and subconsciously began rubbing his arms.

"Captain?"

Kelly's voice pulled him out of his haze.

"Captain Kelly." He cleared his throat. "What can you tell me about Kobol? Bad news first." Lee asked, forcing himself to think only of the mission. It was about time they got their people back.

They had been working on a plan for about twenty minutes, when Colonel Tigh stepped into CIC.

"What the hell's all this? Why aren't you in the brig?" He started yelling immediately.

Lee looked at him confused. What was his problem now? This whole parole had been his idea. But when he looked into his XO's eyes, he could see he wasn't sober anymore. He couldn't believe this jerk got drunk in a situation like this. How his father had ever thought making Tigh his XO was a good idea was a miracle for him.

"I'm on duty, Sir. Planning the search and rescue mission." Lee replied coldly.

"Search and rescue? For who? We lose a plane and no one tells me?!" Angrily Tigh looked at the people working in CIC. No one dared to hold his glare. No one except Lee.

"For our Raptor crew down on the surface of Kobol, Sir." He practically spat the words at Tigh. He had never liked the man but right now he down right hated him.

"Sims is the senior pilot now, he plans the SAR." Tigh replied in an angry voice.

"You ask me to command the air group when I'm on duty. And I'm on duty. So am I in command or not?" Lee asked, his disrespect for Tigh dripping from every word he said.

Tigh stared at him angrily for a moment. Then he took a deep breath. "What's the status of the SAR, Captain?"

For the moment he seemed to have accepted that Lee was in charge of the mission. That was at least some progress.

"Well, we don't know what area Raptor 3 went down. So the only realistic chance of finding her is if her disaster transponder beacon is functioning. I intend to take two Raptors, one with medical personal, and make five low level orbits of the planet." Lee explained the plan. He hoped they could continue with the mission planning without any more senseless arguments with Tigh.

"What about the Cylon Basestar that Lt. Valerii supposedly destroyed? What if she was lying?"

Shaking his head, Lee suppressed a frustrated sigh. Supposedly destroyed? They knew the Basestar was destroyed, there was no reason to believe otherwise. Their men on Kobol could be in immediate danger and he had to waste valuable time to discuss this with Tigh.

"Racetrack confirmed the destruction of the Basestar and I checked the gun camera footage from the Raptors, which confirms it." Lee explained impatiently.

Nodding, Tigh took in this information. Then he turned his attention on Gaeta who had appeared behind him a minute ago. "Lt. Gaeta, why are you hovering about?"

"Uh, it's the press." Gaeta stammered, taking aback by Tigh's demeanor.

"The press?"

"They're demanding to know how much longer we plan on holding them, and when they can contact their home ships." Gaeta explained quickly.

"They demand? They're in no position to demand anything. You tell them to shut their yaps. We'll get to them in due time." Tigh barked.

"Excuse me, Colonel. Shuttle from the Zephyr is requesting to enter the landing pattern." Dualla reported.

"The Zephyr?"

"Yes, Sir. Evidently the Quorum of Twelve is aboard. They're demanding to see you."

"They demand?"

Lee tried not to laugh out loud. Tigh seemed to lose control fast. "Demanding job, commanding a Battlestar." He smirked.

Tigh glared at him angrily before he turned back to Dualla. "Clear them to land. Put them in the ward room and hold them there until I have time to see them."

"Yes Sir."

Tigh threw another furious look at everyone in CIC, then he quickly walked out.

Lee shook his head as he watched him leaving.

XXXXXXX

Nervously Alicia paced through the rooms of sickbay. She had never been a very patient person and waiting for her father-in-law to come out of surgery was finally proving to be too much. She had thought about going back to her quarters and spending some more time with Nia. It had torn her apart to leave her again so soon, but she knew how much it meant to Lee that she was here. And with all the seriously injured people in sickbay right now, this wasn't a place for her daughter.

She was walking through the same room for the third time, when her eyes fell on Layne. She was sitting on a bedside, holding the hand of one of the patients. Surprised, Alicia stopped and watched her friend. She had already remembered her sitting there the last time she had walked through this room.

"Layne, is everything all right? Can I help you somehow?" Helping Layne tending to the patients would at least get her mind off her father-in-law's surgery.

When Layne didn't respond, Alicia stepped slowly closer. "Layne?"

Finally Layne looked up. She looked pale and tears were rolling down her face.

"Oh gods, Layne, what ..." Her voice broke when her eyes fell on the man lying on the bed. He was dead. At first she didn't realize why the death of this man would disturb Layne so much, but then she recognized him. He was her fiancé, John. Alicia held her hand over her mouth and suppressed a shocked gasp. "Layne, I ... I'm so sorry."

She quickly walked around the bed and put her arms around her friend, pulling her into an embrace. She held her tightly for several minutes.

"This isn't fair." Layne whispered between sobs. "It's not fair. We wanted to get married. We wanted to stay together forever. We ..." Her voice broke and she tried to pull out of Alicia's arms, bending over her dead fiancé.

Alicia held onto her tightly. "Layne, you ... you have to let go. Let's go somewhere else. You've been sitting here for too long and there is … nothing you can do anymore. You have to say goodbye." She swallowed and cleared her throat. She didn't think she would be able to just walk away if it had been Lee lying on this bed. But she knew that someone would pull her away from Lee and right now she would be this someone for Layne. "He wouldn't want you to be like this, Layne. He never liked to see you in tears."

Layne shook her head in despair. "What am I supposed to do now? He ... he was ..." She couldn't continue and looked helplessly at Alicia.

"I can imagine how you feel right now." She closed her eyes, forcing herself to go on. "Believe me, I know how easy it would be to just give up now. But you can't do that."

"Why not?" Angrily Layne pulled out of Alicia's arms. "You did it! You thought Lee was dead and you tried to kill yourself. You did it, so why can't I?"

The despair in Layne's voice broke her heart. "You're right and I still regret that decision. Layne ... John once told me that what he loves most about you, what made him fall in love with you was your determination and your will to live. You never gave up, not once. He admired you for that. And he wouldn't want you to give up now."

Layne's shoulders sagged down and for several minutes she looked helplessly down at her fiancé. Then she suddenly straightened up and with a determined expression she looked at Alicia. "Tell your husband to kill as many Cylons as he can for me. I want them to pay for this."

Her cold voice startled Alicia. She had never seen her friend like this. But at the same time she knew exactly how she felt.

"They will." She whispered. "One day they will all get what they deserve."

XXXXXXX

"Hi ... Corporal Venner told me you were here." Alicia greeted her husband as she stepped into their quarters.

"I needed to change and the whole brig is crowding with politicians, so ..."

"You don't need to explain this to me." Alicia smiled as she pulled him close for a kiss. "How are you doing?"

"Good ... all things considered. Planning this mission keeps me from thinking too much about Dad." He looked at her hesitantly. He knew it was too early, but maybe she knew something new ...

Alicia could see what was going through his mind. "I'm sorry. He's still in surgery. It could be a few hours before he comes out." She took a step back and looked at him more closely. "This Marine Uniform looks nice on you."

"Thanks." Lee replied, giving her a small smile.

"Though I do prefer you in a flight suit. Make sure you come back safely, okay? I want to see you in it at least one more time."

"Is that the only reason?" Lee said teasingly.

"Hmm, not quite ..." She pulled him closer again and gave him a long kiss. "Just come back to me, all right?"

"Always." Lee said quietly.

A lone tear escaped Alicia's eye. She quickly wiped it away, but Lee had already seen it.

"What's wrong?"

Alicia swallowed. "John is dead."

Lee stared at her, not able to say anything for the moment. Again the image of his father lying in his blood in CIC flashed through his mind. So many people had died this day, people he worked with, his friends ... he prayed his father wouldn't be one of them.

"I'm sorry." He pressed out. "How is Layne doing?"

"Not so good. One of the nurses gave her something to calm down and she's asleep now."

"He was a good man." Lee knew he sounded lame. He just was never good in situations like this.

"He was. ... Promise me you'll come back."

"Ali ..."

"Just promise me, Lee. So much has happened today ... I can't be there for Nia, Layne and your Dad when I also have to keep worrying about you." She hated how desperate her voice sounded. She knew she was being pathetic once again.

"This isn't really a very dangerous mission. So don't worry. I'll be back." Lee smiled at her encouragingly and pulled her close to him again.

XXXXXXX

"Galactica, Apollo. We are preparing to jump to Kobol." Lee reported. He was sitting next to Racetrack in one of the raptors.

"Roger that Apollo. You are cleared to jump. And good hunting." Dee responded over the wireless. Lee was grateful it was Dee he was talking to. After all the confrontations he had had today with Tigh he didn't think he could speak one more word with that man without biting his head off.

"Thank you, Galactica." He turned to the other people in the raptor. "Let's go find our people."

With that the two raptors jumped away from the fleet, back to Kobol.

"I got a transponder signal." Racetrack reported only a few moments after they reached the orbit of Kobol. "Definitely colonial. Trying to establish a lock." She pushed a few buttons. "Got it. Northern hemisphere. Looks like Mountainous terrain. There's a valley."

"Take us out of orbit. Signal Raptor two to form up on us." Lee ordered. He hoped their men were still near the Raptor. He hoped they were still alive.

"ETA?" He asked as they descended down to the planet.

"Five minutes." Racetrack replied.

No one spoke a word for the next few minutes. Everyone waited for any sign of survivors. Lee scanned the area they were flying over for the crashed raptor.

Suddenly Racetrack called out in shock. "Missiles! There's a battery down there."

"Evasive! Break, break, break." Lee shouted.

The missiles missed them only by a few inches. Lee let out a relieved breath. So much for this not being a dangerous mission.

"No lock. No lock! They're not locking on us." Racetrack called out, sounding as relieved as Lee felt.

That's when they saw the Cylons on the ground … firing at their missing crewmembers.

"It's time to shoot some missiles of our own." Lee said. With a grim smile he began firing the missiles at the Cylons. It was a direct hit and the Cylons were all dead within seconds.

When they descended more to look out for their friends, they saw Chief Tyrol looking gratefully at the raptor.

"You're welcome." Lee smiled.

XXXXXXX

"Chief, it's good to see you again." Lee greeted the other man, holding out his hand.

"It's good to see you too, Apollo." Tyrol said relieved, shaking his hand. "I didn't think we would ever get of this gods forsaken planet again."

"Sorry it took us so long. There … were some complications." Lee cleared his throat. Once again he had to push away the thoughts of his father. There was time for that later. "So, what happened down here?"

Tyrol didn't reply anything at first. He only held several dog tags for Lee to take. "This frakking planet cost us more lives than it's worth." He whispered.

"That's a hell of a butcher's bill, Chief." Lee sighed. He hesitated a moment before he went on. "How did Crashdown die?"

"Leading the charge." Baltar cut in before Tyrol could reply. "He gave his life in the finest tradition in the service."

"Yeah. He was a hero. To the end." Tyrol agreed after a moment. There was a bitter tone in his voice, but Lee figured with everything that had happened that was to be expected. He watched Baltar walk away, once again talking to himself. Shaking his head, he wondered how this man always came to be one of the survivors? He didn't appear like a very courageous man. If anyone had asked him, Lee would have never thought possible that Baltar could survive a Cylon attack and a raptor crash on a Cylon planet. But he had … unlike Crashdown, who had been a warrior. And a friend. Just one more person Lee had lost today.

Images of Kara and his father flashed through his mind and he closed his eyes to force them back. There was nothing he could do now for either for them.

XXXXXXX

"Apollo, it's good to have you back." Dualla greeted Lee when she saw him walking through a corridor.

"Dee, hi. I wasn't gone that long."

"Long enough." She sighed.

The expression in her eyes spoke volumes. "What happened?"

"He declared martial law."

"What?" Lee called out. "This frakking …" He bit his lip, stopping himself from saying anything else. "This is just great."

"What's gonna happen now?" Dee asked quietly.

"I don't know … but if Tigh keeps going on like this, we won't need the Cylons to kill us off."

TBC

**A.N.: Thanks a lot to Laurie for beta reading :) **


	20. Resistance

Alicia had only woken up a few seconds ago, but already she felt her stomach going upside down. Holding her hand in front of her mouth, she jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. With a moan she doubled over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach. After a few moments of convulsing, she let out a deep sigh and collapsed against the wall.

"Frak." She said loudly, banging her fist on the ground.

"Frak Mommy." Nia called out laughing from the door.

Sighing Alicia closed her eyes. "That's a bad word, Nia. You're not supposed to say it." She said weakly.

"Bad Mommy."

"Yes, sweetheart, bad mommy." Alicia let her head fall back against the wall. This couldn't be happening. Not now ...

XXXXXXX

"Apollo, Sir, can I talk to you?" Cally called when she saw Lee walking down the corridor. She was glad to find him on duty, this way there were no marines following him to make sure he went straight back to his cell after his shift. This was just one more reason for her to despise the Colonel. After everything Lee Adama had done for the fleet, he didn't deserve to be treated like this. And neither did the Chief.

"What's up, Cally?"

"Tigh is holding Chief Tyrol as a prisoner. He's been _questioning_ him for over an hour. And you and I know how this questioning looks like when it's Tigh asking the questions. The Chief did nothing wrong. He saved us on Kobol and now he's getting punished for falling in love with the wrong woman. That's not fair."

"You're right, that's not fair. But there's really nothing I can do. Tigh isn't going to listen to me if it doesn't concern CAG duties." Lee looked at her apologetically. He wished he could help the Chief but other than help him break out of prison he had no idea what do to. And a prison break wouldn't really solve anything. Would it?

"He called for Baltar to help him. Who knows what he's going to do? I don't trust him." Cally said desperately.

"He's probably just going to use his Cylon detector." Lee tried to calm her.

"Which we know doesn't work. And so does Tigh."

Lee let out a deep sigh. "I'll try to talk to him. But I can't promise anything."

"Thanks." Cally smiled at him gratefully.

XXXXXXX

Deep in thought, Lee stepped into the briefing room. He couldn't stop thinking about Cally's words. Tigh was interrogating Tyrol ... only because he had had a relationship with Boomer. He had declared martial law and he was treating the other ships as if Galactica didn't need them. He was drunk all the time. He did a good job hiding it, but Lee knew him good enough by now to notice it.

When he stood behind the podium and looked at his pilots, he was startled to see all of them standing at straight attention, saluting him. All his pilots. There wasn't one among them who stood slumped down or showed even the remotest sign of disrespect. Surprised he returned the salute.

"At ease." He said quietly. He tried to hide his smile when he watched them taking their seats. He had never seen them all so devoted to their job. Most of them had only joined the military after the attacks and military regulations had never been ingrained in them. It made him proud to see them all like this today. Maybe he wasn't such a bad CAG after all, he thought smiling to himself.

He began the briefing and informed them all about the latest changes to the schedule and the situation of the fleet. There wasn't much new to tell and he came to the end fairly quickly.

"And I got a note from combat warning about problems with tylium resupply. So watch your fuel burn till further notice. Questions?"

"Yeah, when, uh, when are you coming back to the card game?" Ritchie, one of the pilots, asked.

Lee tried to hide his smile at hearing this question. It was nice being missed. "I'm afraid when I'm off duty I'll be enjoying the intimate surroundings of the brig until ..." He hesitated a second. He had no idea how long Tigh was planning to keep him in the brig. Until his father would wake up? And if he didn't wake up, would Tigh just airlock him then for treason? Or just keep him in the brig for the rest of his life? "Ah, well, until further notice."

"Come on back. We miss you, Captain." Hotdog said.

"We could bring the game to you." Ritchie suggested.

"Somehow I doubt Colonel Tigh would approve." Lee smirked.

"Oh come on."

"One's going on tomorrow night!" Hotdog said grinning. Several pilots started talking and tried to convince him to join in the game.

"Hey, all right, all right." Lee was flattered, but he knew this was senseless. Tigh would never let them in the brig and he wasn't able to join them in the rec room. "Hey! Knock it off! The briefing is over. Enjoy the game tonight. And good hunting."

With that Lee left the room. Two marines were already waiting for him to accompany him to the brig.

"Morning, Sir." Harris, one of the marines greeted him.

"Sergeant. Shall we?" Lee said and lead the way to the brig.

"Morning, Sir." Dee had appeared at his side.

"Morning, Dee. Fancy meeting you here." Lee smiled at her. They had met at the same place every day since his parole began.

"I was just on my way, Sir. Hey, guys." She waved to the marines who greeted her smiling. They were already used to seeing her at the CAG's side these days.

"How's it going, Dee?" Harris asked her.

"Good, thanks." Dee smiled back at him before she turned her attention to Lee.

"How's it going in the fleet?" Lee asked. He was glad Dee had started giving him the heads up on the fleet status. It was more reliable than what he learned from Tigh.

"Trouble's brewing."

"Oh, I'm shocked." Lee smirked. "What kind of trouble?"

"Martial law isn't going down too well. Protests, demonstrations. Some ships are even refusing to resupply Galactica." Dee told him.

"And this is the honeymoon period. What's a dictator to do?"

Dee had to chuckle at this but she got serious again quickly. "I, um, I wish... I wish you were in command, Sir."

"Dee..." Lee felt uncomfortable at her words.

"He's hitting the bottle. A lot." Dee went on. She didn't need to say who she was talking about.

Lee didn't reply to her remark. There wasn't really anything he could do. Tigh was in command and he would stay in command until his father would wake up again. When he would wake up again ... Lee pushed those thoughts out of his mind and turned his attention back to Dualla. They had reached the brig by now.

"Thank you for the company, Petty Officer Dualla."

"You're welcome, Sir."

XXXXXXX

Nervously Alicia stood in Cottle's office. She could see Nia playing with Layne through the window. She could see her friend was not feeling any better, but she managed to put up a good facade for her daughter and the patients. She admired her for that. She didn't think she could just go on like this if she had just lost Lee. Gods, she had tried to take her own life the last time she had thought Lee was dead. She had been terrified to go on without him, to raise Nia without him. She wasn't even sure she could take care of herself anymore; taking care of her daughter was scaring her to death. And taking care of another child ...

"You wanted to talk to me?" Cottle said as he stepped into the room.

"Yes, uhm ..." She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "I think I might be pregnant."

"I see." Cottle replied, putting back the cigarette he had been just about to light up. "We'll do a test, then we'll know more."

"That's it?"

"There's nothing more to discuss until we know if you're pregnant or not." Cottle shrugged. He walked out of the room and motioned her to follow him. Hesitantly Alicia left the room behind him.

XXXXXXX

Smiling, Lee watched Alicia and Nia walk into the brig. He got up from his rack and walked to the bars.

"Hey you two." He greeted them.

"Hi." Through the bars Alicia gave him a kiss. She tried not to be disappointed that he pulled away again after a second. She knew he didn't like to show affection with other people in the room, especially if these other people included the President of the Colonies. Those few hours after his father had been shot, when he had kissed her and hugged her without caring who saw it, had only been an exception, she knew that.

"Hi Nia." Lee had knelt down and gently stroked through his daughter's hair.

"Hi Daddy. Miss me?"

Lee swallowed. "Every second." He smiled at his daughter. "But you know I wasn't really gone, right? You don't have to miss me. When you want to see me, you can always come here."

"Home, Daddy." Nia said, pulling on his sleeve.

"I wish I could, pumpkin, I wish I could." He cleared his throat and looked at the President who was watching them intently. She gave him a comforting smile and held up too small bags.

"Chamalla and licorice. Would you like some?" She asked smiling.

"I hate liquorice." Lee replied.

"Me too." Roslin sighed. "How about you, little lady?"

Questioning Nia looked at her father.

"I'm sure you'll like it. Just go and take some." He encouraged his daughter.

"And say thanks." Alicia reminded her daughter. After making her daughter say frak this morning, she figured it couldn't hurt to start teaching her these things at an early age.

Smiling Lee watched his daughter go to Roslin before he got up again and looked at his wife. "How's my father today?"

"The same. He's sedated. Resting comfortably since the surgery." Alicia replied quietly.

"You saw him today?"

"I'm with him as often as I can, Lee. I ... I was in sickbay right before we came here."

Lee smiled at her gratefully. Then he turned his attention back on his daughter. Thoughtfully he watched her eating the licorice with a happy smile.

"How's Nia doing with all this?" He asked quietly.

"She misses you. She got used to having you around more often."

"I miss her too. Both of you." Lee took her hand as he spoke.

"How long is he planning to keep you in here?"

"He won't let me out before my father wakes up. And after that ... I don't know. If Tigh gets what he wants, I'll stay in here forever."

"Your father will never let it come to that, you know that."

"First he needs to wake up."

"Lee ..." Alicia stopped herself. She had wanted to tell Lee about her talk with Cottle, but somehow she couldn't say the words. She still didn't have her results. She had left sickbay right after the test. She knew she was just postponing the inevitable, but as long as she didn't know for sure, she could still hope for the test to be negative.

"What is it?" Lee asked, cutting into her thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"You looked like you wanted to say something."

"Oh, yeah, uhm ... It's time for Nia to get her lunch. We're meeting Mathilda in the mess. I hope she's still hungry after the licorice." She smiled at him warmly before she called for her daughter. "Come on, Nia, time to go." She turned back to Lee. "I'll see you later."

XXXXXXX

"Good Morning, Dee."

"Morning, Sir."

Lee made sure to walk a few steps ahead of the marines. He didn't want them to overhear his conversation with Dee today. Because today he had some important things to discuss with her. He had been lying awake most of the night, trying to think about the right thing to do. And it had all come back on one thing – he couldn't do anything from the position he was in right now. And neither could Roslin. So they needed to find a way out.

"Dee, yesterday you said you wished I was in command. Now, I'm not planning to take over Tigh's position, but ..." He stopped and looked hesitantly at Dee. He wasn't sure if it was right to pull her into this. She had already done so much to help him. He didn't want her to get into any trouble.

"Whatever you have in mind, Sir, I'd be happy to help you. I'd do anything to get us out of this situation." Dee told him smiling.

"That's good to know." Lee said relieved. He knew he could count on her.

"So, what's the plan?"

XXXXXXX

"Madam President. Captain." Billy greeted them nodding.

"Billy, any news?" Roslin asked worried. She could read in his eyes that something had happened.

"Nothing good." Billy replied quietly.

"Nothing's good nowadays. What happened.?"

"There has been a riot on the Gideon. Tigh sent in the marines, four civilians died." Billy reported.

Roslin shook her head in disgust. "Troops shooting unarmed civilians. This is a travesty. He has truly stepped over the line. It'll cause an explosion in the fleet. The press will have a field day.  
The ships would begin to splinter. The Cylons will be able to eliminate us a few ships at a time." Determinedly she turned to Lee. "We've got to get out of here now."

"I am right with you." Lee replied.

"I'm so glad you said that. I want to take Billy and Elosha with me."

"Of course you do. I've worked out a way of getting us in the hangar deck. And I can get us a raptor. But we're still gonna need clearance to get off the ship."

"I know how to get that." Roslin said 

"You do?" Lee was only half surprised. He had known he wasn't the only one thinking about a way to get out of here.

"Mm-hmm. Question is, where do we go once we get off this ship?" Roslin asked. "We'll have to find some place to hide in the fleet while we rally support among the people."

Lee let out a deep sigh. Now they came to the part of the plan he disliked the most. "I've got an idea about that. You're not going to like it."

XXXXXX

"Madam President." Absentmindedly Alicia greeted Roslin when she saw her coming out of Cottle's office. Layne had told her that Cottle had asked for her. He would tell her if she was pregnant or not. Alicia felt like she would throw up again any second. She had postponed talking to Cottle all day yesterday. She knew it wouldn't make any difference when she found out ... she was just afraid to hear the answer.

"Mrs. Adama." Roslin nodded at her. She had almost walked passed her, when she stopped and turned to Alicia again. "Alicia ... is it okay if I call you that?"

"Of course." Alicia looked at her surprised.

"I ... I just wanted to tell you how proud I am to work with your husband. I wouldn't know what to do without him."

"I know what you mean." Alicia laughed nervously.

"He loves you very much. I can see that clearly whenever he talks about you."

Alicia didn't know what to reply to that. She wasn't used to talking so privately with the President.

"Just remember, whatever he does, he does it to keep you and your daughter safe." Roslin said with an earnest smile.

"I ... I know." Alicia stammered. She suddenly felt uncomfortable talking to Roslin.

"Well, I have to go. The brig is waiting." Roslin had spoken lightly, but there was a glimmer of sadness in her eyes . "I will... see you later."

Confused, Alicia watched her walk away before she stepped into Cottle's office. She pushed her thoughts about this strange conversation out of her mind and concentrated on what Cottle was about to tell her.

"It's about time you showed up." Cottle greeted her grumpy.

"I'm sorry, uhm ... something came up and ..." She stopped, not really knowing what to say.

Cottle saw the question in her eyes. "The test was positive. You're pregnant."

"Oh ..."

"You know what that means?"

Confused she looked at him. "Of course I do. I'm getting a baby."

"If you decide to keep the baby, you will have to stop taking your medication."

"But ..." A sudden panic spread through her. "If I stop taking the medication, then ..." Helplessly she looked at Cottle.

"You're only other option is to terminate the pregnancy. It's your decision." Cottle felt for the young woman in front of him. He could only imagine how she must feel right now. "You should discuss this with your husband. ... And I wouldn't wait too long with that." He added sadly.

"I ... I will. Thank you, uhm, I talk to Lee and then ..."

"Alicia, don't wait too long talking with him. It would be best if you go to him right now." Cottle urged her.

"But I still have a few weeks, don't I? I don't have to decide now."

"No, but ... your husband should know about this as soon as possible. This is his child too."

"Yes, of course." Alicia nodded absentmindedly and got up. Without saying anything else she left the office.

XXXXXX

Silently Lee stood next to his father's bed. He had sneaked into sickbay a few minutes ago. He was sure some of the nurses had seen him and he knew they had the order to report any visit to Tigh and stop him from seeing his father, but none of them had done so. He was more than grateful for that. He couldn't have just left without seeing his father this one time. He wondered if he would ever see him again. If his father even wanted to see him again, once this was all over. Would he understand? From the look he had thrown his way in CIC he didn't think his father would ever forgive him. He might have forgiven him his actions on Colonial One, but this ... he would see it as a betrayal, Lee was sure of that. He just hoped he would only see it as a betrayal between Captain and Commander, not father and son.

"I'm sure you won't approve. But I guess that's nothing new. I just want you to know that this, um... this isn't about you and me. Good-bye, dad."

He squeezed his father's hand tightly. For a second it felt as if his father returned the squeeze. It was weak and hardly noticeable, but Lee told himself that his father might have heard him. And maybe he would remember his words when he woke up.

XXXXXXX

Alicia had been walking through Galactica's corridors most of the day. She had checked on her daughter for a short while, but most of the time she had been alone. She needed to think. What was she supposed to tell Lee? They had never talked about more children. After what had happened after Nia had been born, she hadn't even thought about having another child. Was she really prepared for a new baby? Was Lee? They were on the run from the Cylons, they didn't know what kind of future was awaiting them. If they had a future at all. Was it even right to bring another child into this world?

Hesitantly she stood in front of the brig. It was now or never. Lee had a right to know about this. She forced herself to open the hatch and enter.

"Don't bother, he's not in there."

Surprised she turned around and saw Tigh standing before her. "I thought his shift was already over."

"Don't act like you don't know anything about this. Believe me, as soon as I find even the smallest proof that you were helping him, I'll throw you into one of these cells and I don't care whose daughter-in-law you are."

"What are you talking about?" Confused Alicia looked at Tigh.

"Your husband helped Roslin to break out of here. They left Galactica and are now on the run."

"Wh-what?" Terrified Alicia stared at him. This couldn't be true. Lee wouldn't just leave like this. Not without talking to her about it before. He couldn't be gone. Not now.

Without looking at Tigh, she stepped into the brig and walked straight to Lee's cell. It was empty.

Suddenly Cottle's and Roslin's words came back to her mind.

_Don't wait too long talking with him. It would be best if you go to him right now._

_Just remember, whatever he does, he does it to keep you and your daughter safe._

She suddenly felt weak and leaned on the wall for balance. Lee was gone. He had left her alone. Sobbing she slid down the wall, holding her hands before her face. She hated that Tigh saw her like this, but she wasn't strong enough to do anything against it. Crying she sat on the floor, not knowing what to do now.

TBC

**A.N.: Thanks to Laurie for beta reading :) **


	21. The Farm

Quietly Adama sat in his quarters. He would return to CIC in a few minutes. He wasn't sure if he was ready for it, but for the sake of his crew, his family, he had to pretend he was. He didn't remember much of the last time he was in CIC ... when he had been shot by one of his most trusted pilots. He didn't remember talking to her right before it happened, he didn't remember the shots or the pain afterwards. Though he was pretty sure he was dreaming of it every night. He hadn't slept very well since he had woken up in sickbay a week ago.

The only thing he remembered was Lee, standing in CIC, handcuffed. He remembered the look of uncertainty in his son's eyes and he remembered the anger. His own as well as Lee's. He would never forget that look in Lee's eyes. It wasn't the same anger he had seen after Zak's death. This was different. Lee hadn't only been angry at his father, he had been angry at his Commander as well. Angry ... and disappointed, disillusioned even. And somehow that was even worse.

This feeling suddenly made Adama furious. Lee had no right to feel angry at him. He wasn't the one who had committed mutiny against this own flesh and blood. Lee had betrayed him. Instead of talking with him about his doubts, he had sided with Roslin and threatened his commanding officer. He didn't think that Lee would have pulled the trigger, but the fact alone that he had raised his gun against Tigh made him a traitor. His own son ... a traitor. He would have never thought this was possible.

A little voice in his mind told him that Lee hadn't been the only one who had made mistakes that day. He himself had tried to overthrow the government in an illegal act. He had boarded the President's ship and had thrown her in the brig ... probably not one of his wisest moves. But he pushed those thoughts in the back of his mind. It didn't matter what he had done; Lee had betrayed him and that was all that mattered. If he had decided to side with Roslin, then she could keep him. He didn't need a son like that.

His heart broke at that thought. He could tell himself as often as he wanted to that he didn't need his son, deep down he knew that wasn't true. Did Lee know that too? He asked himself when was the last time he had told his son he loved him. Had he ever said the words? He couldn't remember.

When he stepped into CIC, everyone greeted him with applause. It filled his heart with pride. He saluted and shook as many hands as he could. When it got too much for him, he raised his hands to stop the applause and spoke in as strong a voice as he could muster.

"Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm glad to be back." He looked around CIC and watched his crew for a moment. "There are things we don't say often enough. Things like what we mean to one another. All of you mean a lot to me. I just want you to know that. Let's get back to work."

As everyone in CIC applauded him for his words, Adama tried to ignore the feeling that he wanted to say those words not to his crew, but to his son.

He noticed Tigh standing next to him again and started speaking quietly. "I feel strange. Like ..." He paused for a moment. "... closer to the ground."

"You should check in with the doctor." Tigh replied worriedly. He had been relieved at first when Adama had told him he was coming back, but seeing him now he wondered if it wasn't still too early.

Adama ignored him. He couldn't afford to show any weaknesses now. He had been weak before. If he had been harder, stronger, then maybe Lee would have followed his orders instead of going against them. If he had been a better father, would Lee have still done the same? Again that thought send a stab of pain through his heart. He couldn't think like that now. There were more important things. But it was harder than he thought to push his son out of his mind. This had been easier before the attacks, when Lee wasn't that big a part of his life. And he felt guilty for that too.

He had always been proud to know about everything that went on on his ship. Lee was now a part of the Galactica and yet he hardly knew anything about his son. Frak, right now he didn't even know where he was. And he needed to know at least that. He wasn't sure why, but not knowing his son's whereabouts scared him. He needed to know where he was.

"Mr Gaeta, where do you think they are now?" He told himself that he had only asked because of military reasons. They needed to find Lee and Roslin and end this all. And of course it would be nice if he could give some answers to his daughter-in-law who was desperate to have her husband back. There were lots of reasons why he needed to know the location of Lee. None of it had to do with Lee being his son.

"The stolen Raptor with Captain Adama, the former President.." Gaeta started but Tigh interrupted him sharply.

"The fugitives!"

Adama flinched slightly at this word. His son was a fugitive.

"The fugitives ... " Gaeta rolled his eyes as he continued. "... docked at Cloud Nine last week. We effectively lost them at that point due to the large volume of inter-fleet traffic going to and from Cloud Nine."

"Right now they could be holed up anywhere in the fleet." Tigh said gruffly.

"I want them found." Adama said with more force than he had anticipated. He quickly regained his composure. "She was dangerous enough as a symbol of resistance, but now with Lee helping ..."

He stopped. It was the first time he had spoken his son's name out loud since he had woken up. Alicia had actually accused him of not saying his name. She had screamed at him just this morning that he wasn't doing enough to get him back. That he didn't want to have him back. But that wasn't true. Of course he wanted him back. He was his son.

Adama could feel the tears brimming in his eyes. Gods, what was wrong with him. He was a military leader. He wasn't supposed to cry in CIC. He wasn't supposed to cry at all; especially not about a traitor. Clearing his throat he went on. "I want to search every ship in the fleet. Quarantine Procedures. Isolate the ship out of the main body. If it's clean, we keep it quarantined away from the rest of the fleet. She can hide but she can't run." He refused to say Roslin's name. He told himself that it wasn't necassary. Everyone knew who he was talking about. He didn't need to say her name out loud.

XXXXXXX

Staring at the empty wall in front of her, Alicia sat in Cottle's office. She felt tired. For a week now she had tried to go through with it. She had tried to be strong. Since she had found out about her pregnancy, she hadn't taken any more medications. She could feel the changes. It was harder to get out of bed every morning, she had trouble concentrating on her work. At some times during the day she felt as if she was full of energy and she had so many ideas but never went through with any of them. Then she felt tired again, exhausted. She couldn't even really care for her daughter. Most of the time Mathilda was looking after her.

After the first day she had wanted to talk to Elosha. When she had been told that Elosha was on the run with Roslin and Lee, she had wanted to scream. It felt like all the people she had relied on had left her. She couldn't talk to Layne ... she was still mourning her husband, it didn't feel right to burden her with her problems. And she didn't want to talk to Mathilda. She was already taking care of her child, she didn't want her to start taking care of her too. But she needed to talk to someone. And when a woman from the Geminon Travelor had suggested another priest, Alicia had been more than grateful.

Brother Cavil came to see her every day since then. He was different than Elosha, but she trusted him. But even if it had felt good talking to him, he hadn't been able to help her. She was feeling worse every day and she had no idea when Lee would be back. If he would be back at all. She hadn't heard anything from him and it was driving her crazy. This morning she had screamed at her father-in-law and she had nearly screamed at Nia too. It had taken all her willpower to stay calm with her. She was afraid the next time she wouldn't be that strong.

So she had made a decision. She didn't really have another choice.

"Alicia, how are you?" Cottle asked as he stepped inside the office.

"What do you think?" She replied bitter. "I've made up my mind. I ... want to terminate."

"Are you sure? You haven't even had a chance to talk about this with your husband ..."

"Lee isn't here. Who knows when he will be back. I can't wait that long. This will have to happen now. And Lee will never know."

"This is his child too." Cottle pointed out.

"It's my body. That makes it my decision. I need the medication, you know that. So ..." She swallowed down the lump in her throat before she continued. " ... when can you do it?"

"I can schedule you first thing in the morning." Cottle said quietly. "But you might want to think about this some more. You ..."

"I thought about it for a whole week, Doctor." Alicia interrupted him determinedly. "I won't change my mind. Just get it over with."

XXXXXXX

Freezing Lee stood with Roslin, Zarek and Elosha just outside of a meat locker on the Kimba Huta. It wasn't the most comfortable hiding place, but he didn't think anyone would find them here anytime soon.

They were talking again about what they should do next. The Quorum still hadn't decided to openly support Roslin, so she was determined to make an appeal of some kind to the people. They were almost done with the meeting when Zarek turned to Lee.

"One more bit of news I should convey. Zeus has returned to Olympus. Adama is back in command."

"My father, he's, uhm ... back?" Lee asked shocked. A small smile slipped through the mask he had been wearing over the last few week. He suppressed it quickly, he didn't want Zarek to see what this information meant to him.

"Word just came in over the wireless." Zarek explained.

"He's a tough old bird." Roslin smiled relieved.

Lee walked a few steps away from them. He needed to be alone right now. His father would be all right. The whole week he had been worried about him. They had heard several rumors the past few days. Some said his father had died, but he had refused to believe that.

His father was alive and on the way to recovery, back in command even. That meant his family wasn't alone. Alicia could look after his father and he after her. They would be okay.

"What we really need is something heart felt."

Startled Lee looked up when Zarek started speaking again. He had almost forgotten he wasn't alone in the room.

"Something human and personal that will galvanise the people." Zarek continued. "Like a son ..." He looked at Lee excpactantly. "... denouncing his father."

Half an hour later Lee found himself standing in front of an old tape recorder. He couldn't believe that Roslin had actually talked him into this. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat before he began to read the message.

"My name is Lee Adama. Until recently I was the Commander of Galactica's Air Group but when Commander Adama, my father ..." He swallowed, not sure if he could really go through with this. He forced himself to go on. "... decided to stage a major military coup against the President, I could no longer support him ... or his actions." He paused again. This was more painful than he had anticipated. If his father didn't already feel betrayed by his former actions, he would definitly feel betrayed after hearing this. He could feel everyone watching him closely. He knew Roslin was counting on him. Taking another deep breath, he continued. "I love my father. I respect him. But in this he is wrong. He must be opposed. I call on all free thinking people in the fleet, I ..."

Lee stopped. He couldn't do this to his father. He might have been able to two months ago, but now, after everything that had happened ... He just couldn't. He stopped the recording and took the tape out. Then he turned to the others. "I can't do this. Sorry everyone. I thought I could but I can't."

He started to walk away, when Roslin called for him.

"Captain Apollo, please wait."

Sighing Lee stopped and turned back to her. "I won't do it."

"I understand that. You ..."

"With all due respect, Madam President, but you don't understand anything." Lee hissed through clenched teeth. He could feel the anger well up in him. He had kept these feelings for himself all week and right now he just wanted to let them out. He wanted her to understand.

Roslin was taken aback by the anger she saw in Lee's eyes. "Captain, what is this about?"

"It's about you."

"Me?" Surprised Roslin looked at him. This was not what she had accepted.

"I made a choice back on Colonial One to support democracy and the office of the President. I knew I was betraying my oath and my father. But you didn't back my play." Lee looked at her, the disappointment he had felt back then was clearly visible on his face. "You folded. You gave up withouth a fight. Well, my father is back on his feet and I will not be the one to knock him down. Not again.This is your fight, Madam President, and you need to fight it."

Roslin looked at him with a raised eyebrow. How dare he accuse her of not fighting? "Perhaps in the future, you will more carefully think through the consequences before committing yourself."

She had refused to look at Lee as she spoke. But when she turned to him again, she could see the pain in his eyes and she suddenly realized that he was right. He had given up everything to fight for her. He had betrayed his father, jeapordized his career and left his family. He had risked so much and she had let him down. At the time, she had only wanted to save lifes. She had thought it was the best to just give in.

She had always thought of herself as a though person. It was time she started to act like one again. It was time she started to fight. She had been afraid to take this step, but she realized that it was the only way.

"I'm playing the religious card. I know exactly what I have to do."

Smiling Zarek handed Roslin another tape. He would have enjoyed Lee denouncing his father, but he could use this to his own advantage as well.

Hesitantely Roslin stood in front of the tape recorder. "How does this thing work?"

XXXXXXX

Hesitantly Alicia knocked on Adama's hatch.

"Come in." She heard his gruff voice.

Slowly she opened the hatch and walked in. "Uhm, William ... Commander, can I talk to you for a moment?"

Surprised Adama looked up. "We're back to Commander know?"

Alicia smiled nervously. "No, I just ... after this morning ... I just wanted to apologize. The way I was behaving ..."

"We are all under a lot of stress." Adama interruped her quietly. "I know that this is a difficult situation for you. For all of us."

Alicia bit her lip and looked uncomfortably on the ground before she spoke again. "The last week has been hard, but ... It won't happen again. I ... haven't been feeling well the last week, but I'll be okay again in a few days."

She saw the question in Adama's eyes and tried to think of anything to make him forget about it. She only came here to apologize; she didn't want to discuss anything else with him. "I heard Roslin's speech."

"As did the whole fleet." Adama sighed.

"You think anyone will follow her?"

"No one will. She's crazy." Adama replied harshly.

"Lee followed her. And he is not a religious man."

"Lee is ..." Adama stopped. He wished he could understand Lee's motives for following Roslin. But then again, he had never really understood his son.

XXXXXXX

Zarek had offered that they'd jump to Kobol on the Astral Queen. They couldn't be sure that the Captain of the Kimba Huta would make the jump, even though he had assured them that he was a strong follower of Roslin.

They would jump in a few minutes and Zarek had insisted that Roslin spoke with the _passengers, _as he'd called them, of the Astral Queen. Lee was following them down a corridor to the main room of the ship. He couldn't forget his earlier conversation with Roslin. Her words that he should think more thouroghly about the consequences of his actions, his commitments before he did anything wouldn't leave his mind. He usually thought through everything he does. And the few times he didn't ... the consequences usually turned out harder to live with than expected.

When he had slept with Kara in the academy, he hadn't thought about the consequences. He had been ready to comit himself to her, no matter what. He had followed his feelings only to have them crushed the next morning. She didn't return the feelings he had for her, in fact, as it turned out, she loved his little brother. At the time he had thought he could just forget about it, but he couldn't. And as a consequence, every woman he met he compared to her. But no one was like her.

And then he had met Alicia. She was so different from Kara as anyone could be. And she loved him. He allowed himself to love her too and they had this easy relationship he had always yearned for. And then she had gotten pregnant and he had freaked. He couldn't think straight. The only thing he could think of was that he had to do the right thing. And that was marrying her. He had committed himself to spend the rest of his life with her, to take care of her and their child because it was the right thing to do. At the time he had thought it was the right decision.

When he had raised his gun to Tigh's head, he knew he had committed himself to Roslin. He would follow her wherever that would lead him ... which were straight to the brig as it turned out. But that hadn't changed his commitment. It had only been a rock on the street blocking his path ... He wouldn't back out of it just as he would never back out of his commitment to Alicia. He had made his decisions and he would live with the consequences. And he wanted her to know that.

"Madam President?" He called for her.

"Yes?"

"I just want you to know, whatever happens, I'll still watch your back." He said hesitantly.

Roslin smiled at him warmly. "Was there ever a question?"

Relieved Lee watched her turn around again and follow Zarek to the main room. There wasn't much that could shake his believe in her ... and it seemed it was the same for her. Somehow it felt good having someone believing in him so strongly, without doubting him.

One hour later Lee stood on the bridge of the Astral Queen. Twenty four ships had followed them to Kobol. That was almost a third of the fleet, much more than he had anticipated. He wondered what his father was thinking right now.

He shook his head. They were back at Kobol ... and now what? Were they just going to wait for Kara to return? From a Cylon occupied, radiated planet? He closed his eyes. Thinking of her was just too painful. The chances that she was still alive after all this time were just too small. He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes. He was sure Kara was dead. He would never see her again, never fight with her again, he would never get the chance to apologize to her ... he would never get the chance to tell her what she meant to him. He would never get the chance to commit himself to her ... even if it was only as a friend.

TBC

**A.N.: Thanks to Laurie for beta reading :)**


	22. Home Part 1

When Kara made the last jump back to Kobol, she was more than relieved to find the fleet still there. After everything that had happened to her on Caprica, it was good to know that it hadn't been for nothing. The fleet hadn't left. She would see her friends again, her family … she would see Lee again.

It took her a few moments to notice that there were only civilian ships waiting in the orbit. There was no sign of Galactica, no vipers patrolling the ships. And the fleet looked a lot smaller than when she had left.

Her heart seemed to stop when she thought of the reasons why Galactica and most of the fleet wasn't there. Had they been destroyed?

Immediately she felt the guilt raise inside of her. She had abandoned them. She had taken the Raider and jumped away, not thinking about what might happen to the fleet. She had just run away.

"Didn't you say there were over fifty ships left?" Helo asked surprised when he saw the fleet in front of them.

His question pulled Kara out of her haze. "Yeah … I did." She cleared her throat and picked up the radio. "Civilian vessels, civilian vessels. This is Starbuck. Do you read?"

She held her breath when she didn't get a response. Was there even anyone left? "Do you read? Say again, this is Starbuck. Is anybody getting this? Hello? Hello?"

The despair was threatening to overwhelm her when she suddenly got a response.

"Starbuck, this is the Astral Queen. Prepare for docking."

Kara didn't even have time to wonder why it was the Astral Queen of all ships who had replied to her. She was just too happy that there were still people alive on those ships. "I told you they'd wait for us." She said grinning to Helo.

"Yeah, but where is Galactica?" He asked quietly.

The grin faded from Kara's face as quickly as it had appeared. "I don't know." She whispered. "But I guess we will find out soon."

She just hoped she wouldn't regret to hear the answer.

XXXXXXX

Anxiously Lee waited in the hallway. When he had heard Kara's voice over the radio, he had thought he was dreaming. But it was really her. She had made it back. Against all probabilities she had returned home. His heart was thumping so fast, it felt like it would explode any second. He could hardly wait to see her again.

And then she was there. He saw her walking around the corner, looking as good as ever, a cocky smile on her lips. Without thinking about what he was doing, Lee quickly walked up to her and pulled her into a tight embrace. And before he knew what was happening, he kissed her. He closed his eyes and kissed her and it felt right in every possible way. He never wanted to let go of her again.

When Kara had seen Lee walking towards her, her heart leaped with joy. He was still alive. When she hadn't seen the Galactica with the other ships, she had been scared that she had lost him forever.

When he pulled her into the embrace, she slung her arms around him, holding onto him tightly. It felt so good to be with him again, to be close to him.

And then he kissed her.

For a moment, Kara's senses began to swim and she allowed herself to simply enjoy and drown in this kiss she had been waiting for so long. She started to return the kiss and it felt so right. But then reality kicked in … this was Lee. Her dead fiancé's brother who was married and had a little daughter. He couldn't be kissing her. So why was he?

Shocked Kara pulled away from him and looked at him surprised. When she looked into his eyes, she saw the same confusion in them she felt herself. Why had he kissed her? He didn't love her, he loved his wife. And what about her? She had Sam now … she had promised him she would come back for him and here she was kissing another man.

The feeling of joy she had just felt seconds ago was replaced by a feeling of panic. She didn't know what to do other than try to get back to what they always were – friends.

"Did you miss me?" She asked, a small smile on her lips.

Lee needed a moment to form any coherent words. Had he just really kissed Kara? He cleared his throat before he gave his answer. "Every second."

"It's good to see you, Captain." She replied relieved a moment later, not able to take her eyes of him. She tried to ignore how shaken his voice had sounded … or how weak her own voice had been.

"Remind me to send you to the brig later." Lee tried to joke. Somehow he needed to get the awkwardness out of this conversation. Kara had come back to him … he should be happy about that, not full of uncertainty how to act around her.

"Yeah, well..." Kara looked at him hesitantly. Now that they had fallen back into familiar territory she remembered that she still had important information for him. And she should better tell him soon before he found out for himself. "Lee, there's something I need to tell you. "

When she saw the warm look in his eyes suddenly turn cold and full of anger and hate, she knew she had waited too long. "Lee, wait!"

Lee hadn't thought he could ever take his eyes of Kara again, but when he saw a movement behind her, he looked up nevertheless … and froze immediately. Flashbacks of his father getting shot right in front of him went through his mind when he saw Sharon Valerii walking down the corridor. Ignoring Kara's words, he pushed her to the side and ran towards Sharon, grabbed her and slammed her hard against the wall.

"Don't you frakking move!" He screamed at her when she struggled against his grasp. He had pulled out his gun and held it to her face … the shots against his father ringing in his ears the whole time.

"Stop! She's with us!" Kara shouted, shocked at Lee's harsh reaction.

She ran to Lee and tried to get him to lower his weapon, but he didn't look at her. His eyes were transfixed at the Cylon in front of him. He didn't even realize what was going on around him until he suddenly felt something cold on the back of his head.

"Drop your weapon, Sir." Helo said sharply, his gun pointed at Lee. "Drop your weapon."

"Helo!" Kara looked shocked at her friend. This couldn't be happening. Just a few seconds ago she had been in the arms of Lee, kissing him, and now he was pointing a gun to Sharon and Helo holding his own weapon against Lee's head. These two idiots would get themselves killed if nobody stopped them. Helplessly she looked at the other people in the room.

"Gentlemen, I'm only going to say this once." Roslin said in a loud and determined voice. Immediately she had everyone's attention. "Captain Adama and...what is your name?"

"Lieutenant Agathon." Helo replied through clenched teeth. Neither he nor Lee had put their weapons down yet.

"Used to be Sharon's ECO. I thought you were dead, Helo. You a Cylon, too?" Lee hissed, not taking his eyes of Sharon. He couldn't believe this guy was protecting a toaster.

"Don't even …" Helo began but Roslin interrupted him.

"All right, here's what we're going to do. You're going to lower your weapons. Am I being perfectly clear?" Her tone made it clear that she wasn't going to accept any objection.

"What about Sharon?" Helo asked desperately.

"She will be taken to a holding cell where she will remain unharmed." Roslin assured him.

Inwardly Lee cursed. How could Roslin let this thing live? She had tried to kill his father.

"Okay." Helo agreed after a moment. "How about it, Apollo? Should we do what the nice Lady says?"

Lee took some deep breaths before he replied. He had followed Roslin so far, now wasn't the time to go against her. "She's the President of the Colonies, you moron. And yes, we're gonna do exactly what she says." Lee had to practically force himself to say the words.

"Lower your weapons. Now! " Roslin ordered.

When Lee felt that the weapon wasn't held onto his head anymore, he immediately put down his own gun too. He kept staring at Sharon with eyes full of hatred.

"Thank you. Now put that thing out the airlock." Roslin said coldly.

"What?" Helo exclaimed, shocked.

A satisfied smile appeared on Lee's lips. He should have known that Roslin wouldn't let this thing live.

Kara watched him, shocked to see him smile. She knew he had every reason to hate Cylons, they all had, but to see him like this … this wasn't like him. Lee didn't kill people – or Cylons – like this. Not without asking questions first. He always saw the bigger picture; Sharon could be of great value for them. Didn't he see that? Didn't Roslin see that?

"We don't keep Cylons around here, Lieutenant." Roslin said, her voice still void of any emotions. But in her eyes Kara thought she saw the same satisfaction as in Lee's.

"What the frak? You said you weren't gonna hurt her!" Helo called out.

The small smile on Lee's lips disappeared and he looked angrily at Helo. "Hey, Helo! Listen to me! One of those things put two rounds into my father's chest."

"It wasn't me!" It was the first time that Sharon spoke since she had stepped on the Astral Queen.

"Adama was shot?" Terrified Kara looked at Lee.

"Yes. You missed a few catastrophes while you were away." Lee replied bitter, absentmindedly rubbing his arms.

"Please tell me he's alive." Kara whispered. Suddenly Lee's cold demeanor made sense to her. Sharon had shot his father … not this Sharon, but a woman who looked completely like her. Oh gods, don't let him be dead, she prayed silently.

"After two emergency surgeries, Cottle managed to save him." Lee replied quietly. A shudder went through his spine when he remembered how close his father had come to dying. Again he saw him lying in his blood in CIC and later in sickbay; looking so pale and weak …

He hardly heart Sharon's screams that she was innocent or Helo's shouts for Kara to help him. All he could hear right now was the blood rushing in his ears and the shots right before his father fell down on the ground.

"Tell them to wait a minute."

Roslin's words pulled him out of his haze. Stunned he stared at her. What was she doing? Then he saw the Arrow in Kara's hands … and he understood what had happened. Kara, of all people, had convince her to safe Sharon's life. Lee didn't care that she might help them find the tomb or use the arrow or whatever information she had to help them find earth. She didn't deserve to live. With hate in his eyes he turned to Kara.

"It's great to see you again, Kara. Thanks for bringing in the trash." He hissed. Then he angrily walked away.

"Looks like we missed all the fun." Kara replied quietly, looking at Helo with sad eyes.

XXXXXXX

Crying silently, Alicia lay on her bed. She was glad that Mathilda had agreed to take Nia for the whole day. She didn't think she was capable of taking care of her now. She couldn't even look at her. She had just killed her child. Lee's child … and he would never know it even existed. Of course that was her decision. But she couldn't tell him. It had been her choice to end this life, there was no reason to burden Lee with this. She was certain he would blame himself; she partly blamed him for it. If he had been here, then maybe … maybe she would have been strong enough to go through with it. Or maybe not … Maybe it wouldn't have changed a thing. She wished he was here, with her. She didn't care for Roslin's mission, she didn't care if they ever found earth. She just wanted to be with her family, with Lee.

She stayed in bed for hours until the silence surrounding her finally got too much. She kept hearing a baby crying … she had to put a stop to this. Letting out a frustrated cry, she punched on the button to turn on the radio. She didn't care what was said there, but anything was better than this silence.

She hardly listened to what was said, the cries still ringing in her ears, when she suddenly heart one of the reporters saying the name Adama. Immediately she turned her full attention on the radio. Had they been found? Had Lee returned to the fleet?

She tried not to be too disappointed when the news wasn't about Lee or the President, but about William Adama giving a speech to the fleet. She closed her eyes. She hadn't spoken with her father-in-law about her pregnancy. He didn't know that she had just killed his grandchild. What would he do if he ever find out?

She pushed those thoughts out of her mind and concentrated on what Adama was saying. She needed something else to think about. And maybe he had news about his son.

"We share the grief of friends lost." Adama's voice was heard over the radio. "And the resources we've sacrificed will present new challenges for all of us. But if we stay together, we will rise to the occasion as we have before."

Resources, Alicia thought bitterly. That seemed all Adama was thinking about lately. Didn't he worry about his son? Lee wasn't just a lost resource.

She forced herself to listen to the rest of the interview. She wanted to know what else he had to say. She was hoping to hear some good news for a change, but instead Adama's next words struck her to the core.

"We have lost no one that cannot be replaced by someone loyal... who has chosen to remain with us. This is the fleet. Thank you."

Frozen, Alicia sat on the bed. We have lost no one that cannot be replaced? This frakking bastard! How did he want to replace Lee? She could understand that he was hurt by Lee's actions, but to just shut him out of his life? Find a new CAG and get on with it? He was supposed to get Lee back, for himself, for Nia and for her.

With an angry cry she threw a book that had been lying on her nightstand through the room. It fell hard against her closet, so hard that the door sprang wide open; it had never really closed in the first place.

Breathing heavily Alicia stared at the locker. Her pills were in there. Her pills that were the reason that she had killed her child. But of course that wasn't really true. It wasn't the pills ... it was her inability to stay strong enough long enough to carry this baby to term. If she had only been stronger ... She closed her eyes and forced down the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She didn't want to cry anymore.

A moment later she opened her eyes, got up and walked to her locker. She would have to start to take her pills at some point. She hadn't taken one after her return from sickbay as she had been supposed to… it had felt wrong so soon after the surgery. But now she didn't want to wait any longer.

When she opened the locker door, her eyes fell on a letter next to her pill box. Her name was written on it … in Lee's handwriting. She stared at it for a moment, before she got it out and opened it with trembling hands.

XXXXXX

Silently Lee stood in front of Sharon's cell, watching her. He had listened to what Roslin had to say, why she had decided to let this Cylon live. It was supposed to help them. He didn't care.

"I know how you feel." Sharon said angry. She had enough of Apollo standing there and staring at her like she was some kind of animal. "I get it. But I didn't shoot him. It wasn't me."

"You're all the same." Lee said coldly. He wanted her to feel the same pain his father had felt when he had gotten shot by her copy.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about." Sharon shook her head. They would never understand…

"Then maybe I'm done talking." Lee replied, the anger clearly audible in his voice. He pulled out his gun and pointed it at Sharon, ready to shoot her. A wave of satisfaction went through him. He would get his revenge. He was close to pull the trigger, when he felt a hand on his arm, pulling it down.

"I think there's been enough of that today." Kara said quietly.

Lee looked at her angrily. Then he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her a few feet away from the cell. "You are the last one who should be telling me what to do. After the stunt you pulled? Stealing the Cylon raider and then tearing ass back to Caprica?"

He wanted to hurt her. He wanted to tell her how much it had hurt him to lose her like that.

"Yeah? Cause you're clearly the poster boy for military discipline, huh? You know what? You have no idea what happened to me on Caprica. So while you're standing here polishing off your halo, consider for a second that you may not have any damned idea what the hell you're talking about, Captain." Kara was barely able to keep the anger out of her voice.

Lee glared at her for a moment. Then the air around him suddenly seemed to press down on him and he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. He needed to get away from here. Without saying anything else, he brushed past Kara and walked out of the room.

Letting out a frustrated breath, Kara watched him leaving. That stubborn bastard, she thought angrily.

"Thanks." Sharon said quietly.

With fury in her eyes, Kara turned to her. "Don't thank me. If you hadn't helped us on Caprica, I would have pulled that trigger myself." Without another word, Kara followed Lee out. As soon as she had closed the hatch behind her, she let out another deep breath. She didn't know where to go now. Should she try to find Lee and talk to him? And then what, was she supposed to listen to any more insults he could come up with for her? She just wanted some peace, some quiet room where she could think clearly about everything.

XXXXXXX

Kara had been sitting in a quiet room for a while now, bouncing the pyramid ball she had gotten from Anders against the wall. She tried to think of Anders, how good she had felt with him, how easy their relationship had been. She had promised him she would come back for him. It had been so hard to leave him on Caprica… and yet, as soon as she had seen Lee, all thoughts of Anders had left her. She just wanted to be with Lee, be close to him, even though she could never be with him all the way.

As much as she tried to think of Anders, her thoughts always went back to him. She kept glancing to the door, almost hoping for him to come in. But why would he? He was still angry with her for bringing Sharon.

Maybe he would come because of the kiss? Kara pushed that thought out of her mind as soon as it had appeared. He wouldn't come because of that. Never. He was married. Whatever that kiss had been, it hadn't meant that he was hers now.

She should just push Lee out of her mind. She should concentrate on Anders.

She threw the ball against the wall again and this time it didn't come bouncing back to her … it fell on the ground a few feet away. She looked at the ball for a moment. Then she took some deep breaths, picked it up and went to find Lee.

She eventually found him in the head. When she stepped into the room, she saw him standing in front of a basin, scrubbing his arms under the flowing water. She rolled her eyes. Gods, what was it with him and hygiene?

"You think being close to a Cylon makes you dirty? Or did you just forget to take a shower this morning." She asked mockingly. Making a joke out of everything always helped.

Lee startled when he heard her voice. He wanted to turn around, but somehow he couldn't get himself to get his arms away from the water. They still didn't feel clean yet. For a moment he just stared at the water running over his arms, unable to do anything else.

When he didn't turn around or didn't even reply in any way, Kara frowned and stepped closer. "So you're not talking to me anymore?"

"I'm just busy." Lee mumbled.

"Yeah, I can see that." With a raised eyebrow Kara watched him rubbing his arms while the water flowed over them. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought he was trying to clean them from tons of dirt.

When he still didn't turn to her or made any signs to turn off the water, she walked up to him and turned it off herself. "I think you're clean enough, Lee."

She had meant to tease him, but when he turned to her, her heart broke at the pained look in his eyes. His shoulders sagged down and he turned away from the basin, leaning against the wall.

"Are you okay?" She asked quietly.

"Are you?" Lee asked instead of giving an answer.

"What do you mean?" Kara looked at him uncomfortably. She didn't really want to talk about anything regarding herself.

"You said I didn't know what happened on Caprica. Anything happened there you wanna talk about?"

"Nope."

Lee nodded slowly. Of course she didn't want to talk about it. She never wanted to talk about anything. But he needed her to talk. Because talking about her problems would stop his thoughts about his father. It would stop the pictures of him lying in his own blood in CIC. It would take away the feeling of his father's blood on his arms.

"It must have been hard, being back on Caprica." He said quietly. "Being home. Probably saw some tough things back there."

He could see the pain in her eyes. She didn't want to talk about it because it hurt too much. Whatever had happened there, it was too painful to think about it. Just as it was too painful to think of his Dad. So he would change the topic. Find something to talk that wouldn't hurt either of them. Maybe even take this chance to tell her the things he thought he wouldn't get to tell her ever again.

"Anyway, tomorrow this whole thing is gonna end, one way or another. We find the tomb or we don't. We find a way to earth or we don't. I just want you to know, Kara, that I'm your friend. I love you. If there's anything you wanna talk about, anything you wanna get off your chest, then I'm here for you. Anyway... whenever you wanna talk, just let me know."

He looked at her and saw confusion in her eyes. And surprise. He didn't quite understand that. And he felt too tired to think about it. He turned around to leave when her question stopped him.

"What was that middle part again?"

"Hmm? What do you mean?" Now it was Lee who looked confused.

"Did you say you love me?"

Thinking about his words, Lee realized he had really said that. Oh gods … He let out a nervous laugh. "Well, um …"

"Lee Adama loves me." Kara mocked him.

"No, all I meant was …"

"No, seriously, very sweet. You love me." Kara interrupted him. She had to, she didn't want to give him the time to take it back. When he let out another nervous laughter, she kept on talking. "No, you love me. You can't take it back. There's no take-backs." She tried to speak in a light tone. She didn't want him to know that she really meant what she said. There were no take-backs.

"You're dreaming it, Kara." Lee said quickly.

"You love me." Kara said. She forced herself to grin at him. This was a joke. Everything about them was a joke. It wasn't serious … just some banter between friends. And you couldn't take back a joke.

"You're dreaming it." Lee repeated. He started to walk away.

"You love me."

"Dreamer." He called over his shoulder.

"Mm-hmm. Okay." She didn't want him to leave. "Hey Lee, does Nia have a ball to play with?"

"What?" He had stopped and looked at her.

"I have this ball … brought it back from Caprica. It's a pyramid ball. Knowing you she's never gonna learn about pyramid, so I thought … Well, if you want the ball for her, here." She threw the ball towards him. He had to walk a few steps in her direction to catch it. A few steps to her …

"Thanks." Lee looked at her surprised, smiling.

"So you want to talk about what's bothering you?" She asked.

His smile faded and the pain returned to his eyes. He took a few breaths. Suddenly he seemed to be miles away. "I just can't get it off." He whispered.

"What?" She walked the few steps to him, looking at him carefully.

Then he shook his head. "Nothing. Thanks for the ball, Nia is going to love it." He smiled at her again.

"No big deal." She returned the smile, hiding her disappointment. Why was it so hard for them to open up to each other? They were best friends, they should be able to talk about everything. Maybe if she just told him what happened to her on Caprica, he would start talking too? She had talked to him about Leoben. But this was worse. And it hurt too much. What happened to her … she couldn't talk about it. Talking about it made it real. And she didn't want it to be real. It was just a bad dream. And now she had woken up and she was safe again. With Lee at her side. "So, I guess we're going to Kobol soon. I'll look forward to some radiation free sunshine."

"Knowing my luck, it'll rain the whole time." Lee said. He felt relieved. Talking about Kobol was a safe topic.

"But I always get lucky, Lee. So sunshine it is." Kara replied grinning.

"I hope you're right." Lee smiled. Sunshine really wouldn't be too bad right now.

XXXXXXX

For hours Alicia had been sitting on the floor in her quarters. Again and again she read Lee's letter. He had explained everything to her. His plan, his reasons for leaving, it was all in it. He had written that he had placed the letter next to her pill box, so she would find it after he was gone. So Tigh couldn't blame her for knowing about it. He had thought she would take her pills in the evening and find the letter. But she hadn't. She hadn't taken them for a week, she hadn't even looked at them. And she hadn't found the letter. Instead she had spend the week being angry at him. Angry for leaving her, for not telling her anything. She had killed their child in this week.

And all this time there had been this letter.

XXXXXXX

Adama felt tired when he stepped into his quarters. The last few days had been a total mess. The people still saw Roslin as their President and demanded to reunite the fleet. He wished it would be this easy.

And then there were the problems with Birch, his new CAG. A loyal soldier, without question, but a good CAG? He's no Apollo, Tigh had said. Well, he had been right. Birch wasn't Apollo, he wasn't even half as good. He was trying, but he kept making one mistake after the other. He had nearly killed Kat ...

Sighing Adama sagged down on the couch and closed his eyes. He should have just stayed in sickbay as Cottle had insisted. Then he wouldn't have to worry about all this.

He tried to ignore the nagging pain he felt deep inside. There was no need to feel hurt. So the former President and his CAG had decided to run away and take almost half the fleet with them … there were worse things that could have happened. Like he had said … everyone could be replaced.

But then there was this rage he was feeling. He was angry at the world ...

A knocking on the hatched pulled him out of his thoughts. Groaning he got up to open the door. He was expecting to see Tigh, bringing him new reports of something else that had gone wrong … but instead he saw Alicia standing right in front of him.

"Hi, what …"

"We need to talk." She said brusquely and walked past him into his quarters.

"Why don't you come in." Adama mumbled quietly. "Is everything all right?" He asked louder after a moment.

Alicia took a deep breath. She decided to come straight to the point. "What are you doing?"

"What?"

"Anyone can be replaced? How can you replace your son? My husband? Nia's father? I understand that you're hurt by Lee's actions, but ..."

"He betrayed me ... the fleet. He committed treason ..."

"He had a good reason and you know that."

"I don't care what reason he had. He ..." Adama stopped, suddenly feeling too tired to talk. He sat down on the couch, staring at the ship models standing a few feet away. He remembered how Lee had loved to watch them as a child. How he had kept asking to play with them the few times he had been here. He had never allowed it.

"You need to talk about it." Alicia said quietly. She could see the pain in his eyes and it broke her heart. She knew only too well how he felt.

"Talk about what?"

"Your feelings, your anger ... whatever it is that's on your mind. Whatever is keeping you from getting Lee back."

Adama stayed silent and thought about her words for a moment before he replied. "It's interesting. Betrayal has such a powerful grip on the mind. It's almost like a python. It can squeeze out all other thought. Suffocate all other emotion until everything is dead except for the rage. I'm not talking about anger. I'm talking about rage. I can feel it. Right here. Like it's gonna burst. Feel like I wanna scream. Right now, matter of fact."

He was surprised at his own words. He usually didn't talk about his feelings. But it felt good to let it out.

"If I may say something?"

"Now you're asking?" Adama gave her a small smile.

"I don't think the problem is that you've been betrayed. I think it's that you feel helpless. You were shot, you were injured. You couldn't do anything." If Alicia knew any feeling, it was that of helplessness. It had made her angry so many times too.

"Don't make excuses for me."

"And when you finally had a chance to do something ..."

"Stop." Adama didn't want to hear what she had to say. He kept telling himself that he didn't have another chance. But deep down he knew that he was wrong.

"You let us down. You let your family down. You made a promise to all of us... to find Earth, to find us a home. Together. It doesn't matter what Lee did or even what the President did, because every day that we remain apart is a day that you've broken your promise. The people aboard those ships made their own decision."

"It was their decision, not mine."

"It's time to heal the wounds, William." Alicia said quietly. She had taken out the letter Lee had left her.

"That'll be enough." Adama didn't think he could take anymore. The guilt he was feeling was proving to be too much.

"People have been divided."

"I said, that's enough."

"They're separated from their parents."

Adama closed his eyes. This was too much.

"Lee left me this letter. I ... just found it now. I don't think he had intended for you to read it, but ... you might find it interesting." Alicia held the letter in front of him. When he didn't make any effort to take it, she placed it on the table next to him. Then she turned around and left.

Adama stared at the letter for a long time. Finally he took it with trembling hands. For a moment he just stared at his son's familiar handwriting. Finally he started reading the words.

XXXXXXX

Determinedly Adama stepped into CIC.

"Mr. Gaeta. I want to see all recon material on Kobol immediately in my quarters."

"Aye, Sir."

"Kobol?" Tigh looked at his friend questioningly.

"Yes. I'm putting the fleet back together. I'm putting our family back together. This ends now."

TBC

**A.N.: Thanks to Laurie for beta reading :) And thank you all for your feedback :)**


	23. Home Part 2

_A.N.: I'm really sorry it took me so long to update. _

_There's a lot of retelling again in this episode, but as so often, I didn't want to leave out certain scenes. I hope you all like it anyway. _

_Thanks a lot to Laurie for beta reading _:-)

* * *

"This planet is too frakking cold." Freezing Kara slung her arms around herself.

She and Lee sat next to a fire, trying to stay warm. Two days ago they had arrived on Kobol. It had been almost constantly raining since then. And it was cold. They had all thought that with the knowledge of the scriptures and Sharon's help they would find the tomb fairly soon, but so far they still had no idea where it was. They had a direction, but that was all. Despite Sharon's word they had no idea if they were even going in the right direction. And Lee wasn't ready to trust her fully yet. She had saved their lives during a Cylon ambush yesterday, but she was still a Cylon. And just because she was pregnant didn't mean she suddenly was trustworthy. To Lee, she still looked and acted like the woman who had shot his father. And every time he looked at her he was reminded of that. He had no reason to trust her.

During the Cylon ambush they had lost five people, among them Elosha. Her death had hit Roslin hard. All day Lee had feared she would break down. Her grief, the cold, the rain and the shooting with the Cylons the other day had proven to be too much for her. She had insisted to keep walking but eventually Lee had made them stop and build up the camp. It was already almost dark anyway and this place was as good as any other. At least it gave them some cover.

"So much for sunshine." Lee sighed. He glanced at Kara who looked as cold as he felt. He inhaled deeply and then moved closer to her, putting his arm around her shoulders.

Startled Kara looked up. "What are you doing?"

"We're both freezing. This way we can get warmer." Lee explained. He told himself that that was really the only reason he wanted to be so close to her.

"Oh ... okay." Kara replied hesitantly. After a moment she snuggled closer to him. She was already feeling warmer. She loved that about Lee – he was always warm. The two of them sitting next to a fire, warming each other, made her feel like they were back in the old times. They had been camping once together. That had been before she had met Zak and before their relationship had become so complicated. They had really been nothing but friends at the time. But everything was different now. And the situation they were in was probably the most frakked up situation she had ever found herself in.

She suddenly realized that so far she only knew half the story. She only knew the main facts of what had happened after her departure to Caprica. She figured now was as good a time to ask about it as ever. It would keep her distracted of her own memories that haunted her every time she closed her eyes. "How did you end up with Roslin on the Astral Queen anyway?"

"Long story." Lee sighed.

"We have the whole night." Kara smiled. She didn't think she would get any sleep on this planet anyway. Not with all those Cylons crawling around on the surface.

Lee looked at the flames as he started talking. "After taking command, Tigh was losing control over the fleet fast. He made one mistake after the other and people died. We couldn't just stand by anymore, so we broke out of the brig and met with Zarek. I figured if anyone could hide us from the Galactica it was him."

"Good thought … Wait a minute, did you just say _we _broke out of the brig?" Kara asked surprised.

Lee looked uncomfortable. "Yeah, uhm, I was kinda on parole and my off duty time I spent in the brig."

Kara looked at him with wide eyes, trying hard not to laugh. "You were in the brig? What did you do, hold a gun to Tigh's head?"

"Yep."

"What?"

"I held a gun to Tigh's head."

"Lee, I ... I was only joking." Kara stared at him.

"I wasn't." Lee replied dryly.

"Frak, I really did miss all the fun." Kara grinned. Then she sobered up. If Lee really did that, he must have had a very good reason. "Why?"

"My Da ... They were trying to arrest Roslin, terminate her presidency. At first I went along with it, but ... it was wrong. I tried to talk Tigh out of it, but he didn't listen, so ... "

"... you held a gun to his head." Kara finished for him with a big grin on her face. "Gods, I would have loved to see that."

"Believe me, I wish I had never done that. It didn't change a thing." Lee replied gravely.

"And how did you end up in the brig?"

"Roslin gave in and Tigh arrested us. End of story."

"And then?" Kara asked carefully.

Lee waited a moment before he went on. He really didn't want to talk about what had happened next. He stared at the fire again but instead of the flames he saw his father getting shot … again and again. He shivered, but this time it didn't come from the cold. Gods, would he ever get that image out of his head again? When he felt Kara's hand on his arm, he looked up at her.

"You're doing it again." She said quietly.

"What?"

"Rubbing your arms."

"Oh ..." Surprised he looked down at his arms. He hadn't even noticed what he was doing.

"You're doing it all the time. You didn't do it before I went to Caprica."

"I …." He hesitated a moment before he went on. He felt uncomfortable talking about this. "I had his blood on my arms for hours. By the time I got to wash them it was already dried and … It's stupid, really, but … sometimes it feels as if it is still there. Actually it feels that way all the time." He laughed nervously. He half expected Kara to laugh at him for being so stupid about this.

"Were you there when … when she shot him?" Kara asked quietly.

He looked at her in surprise. She wasn't laughing. "Yeah, I …" He sighed. "I just stood there. And I couldn't do a thing. I stood there, watched him, I felt angry at him and … and the next minute I'm holding him and there is blood, his blood, everywhere. It was … I felt like I had just lost everything."

"But you didn't." Kara said quietly. "Your Dad is alive and you still have Alicia and Nia."

"Yeah." Lee had to smile at the memory of his family. "Ali was great. She even brought Nia to the brig. She loved the place."

Kara laughed at his words. "She's just my kind of girl."

"Don't get any wrong ideas." Lee shot her a warning look, but his grin betrayed him.

Smiling Kara leaned her head on his shoulder. She had missed this … just talking to Lee, with no anger, no strange feelings, no discomfort. They were back to being just friends and Kara was content to keep it that way. Thinking about having anything more with Lee would just screw everything up. This was how it was always supposed to be. And she would make sure that it would stay like this.

"I met someone … on Caprica." She said quietly after a moment.

"You what?" Surprised Lee looked at her. "How did you meet someone on a radiated, Cylon occupied planet?"

"Ah, you know me." Kara grinned. "We ran into him and his resistance group. We were pointing guns at each other and next thing I knew we were playing pyramid and kissing."

"You …" Lee stopped himself before he said anything stupid and at the same time tried to ignore the stab of jealousy he felt at imagining Kara kissing someone else. "So, who is he?"

"You're not going to believe it." Kara laughed. "Samuel T. Anders."

Lee waited for more information. When he didn't get any, he figured she was waiting for any kind of response from him. "Am I supposed to know that guy?"

"Gods, Lee." Kara groaned. "Do you know anything except how to fly a viper? He's the Captain of the Caprican Buccaneers."

"Oh, that guy." Lee vaguely remembered hearing of him in the news sometimes.

"Yeah, that guy." Kara nudged his shoulder. "Anyway, he's great. He … I promised him I would come back with a rescue team and get him off that planet."

"If anyone can do that, it's you, Kara." Lee smiled at her encouragingly. "It sounds like you had a good time on Caprica. I don't know why I even worried about you."

"You worried about me?"

"Only a little bit." Lee teased her.

Kara stayed quiet for a moment and this time it was her who stared at the fire. Lee wondered what she saw in it.

"I got captured by the Cylons." She whispered after a while. She spoke so quietly that Lee nearly missed it.

"Wh-what? What happened? Did they … " He swallowed. "What did they do?"

"I didn't even know I was captured at first. I woke up in a hospital. I got shot in an ambush …"

Lee froze at her words. Hundreds of questions went through his mind at the same time. He wanted to know where she had gotten shot, how bad it was, if she was in pain. But he didn't dare to ask any questions. He was afraid she would stop talking if he interrupted her. It was obvious how hard it was for her to talk about it. So he would just listen. He could always ask questions later.

"I woke up and there was this doctor, Simon. He was a Cylon. It took me a while to realize that though. I ... I trusted him ... in the beginning. The first time they operated me they took care of the gun shot wound. And the second time …" Her voice trailed off. She wasn't sure if she should go on. She had promised herself never to talk about this with anyone.

"What about the second time?" Lee quietly urged her to go on.

Kara closed her eyes. "I don't know what they did, but when I woke up I had a second scar. I … I think they might have done something to my … my … ." She stopped, unable to go on. This was getting too personal. She couldn't even tell Lee.

Lee sat quietly next to her. He had no idea how to react to this news. What happened to Kara was horrible. He wished he could do anything to make her forget about it or feel less terrified by it. But there was nothing he could do.

"You should get checked out by Cottle when we get back." He mumbled.

"You really think they'll let us back on board?" Kara asked with a raised eyebrow.

"They better … I'm planning on seeing my daughter again."

"Always the optimistic thinker." Kara teased him. She was relieved to talk about something else. She didn't want to remember what happened on Caprica.

"I'm the optimistic thinker? You were the one telling me we would get sunshine here."

"Right." Kara laughed. "Let's just hope you're prediction is better than mine."

She leaned her head against his shoulder again, content to be just near him and joke with him. It made her less terrified to close her eyes.

"We should get some sleep. We're gonna need it."

"I don't think I can sleep here. Not with all those Cylons around."

Lee looked at Kara and then took her hand in his. "I won't let them get you again, Kara."

Surprised Kara met his glance. He had spoken with so much determination, that she didn't doubt he meant what he said. And somehow it made her feel better. With anyone else, those words wouldn't have made a difference ... but with Lee she just knew he would rather give his live than let her be a Cylon prisoner again. She gave him a small smile. "Let's go to sleep then."

XXXXXXX

The next morning they found each other cuddled close together, his arms slung around her waist and her head lying on his chest.

When Lee opened his eyes, he met the surprised glance of Kara. "Morning." He mumbled.

"Morning." She slowly pulled away from him and stretched her arms in the air. "Ah, I haven't slept that well in days."

"Me neither." Lee smiled.

And it was true. Both of them had slept through the night and neither of them had been haunted by nightmares. And that was the first time for both of them since this whole mess had started. They wondered slightly if that meant anything.

"It has been pretty cold." Kara said quickly.

"Yeah." Lee nodded vehemently. "Good thing we were lying together so close."

"Yeah." Kara agreed. The cold was a very good reason for sleeping that close to another. It protected them from the cold and from their nightmares. And it had been good to talk about the memories that had been haunting them. From this day on Lee never felt his father's blood on his arms again and Kara wasn't afraid to wake up in one of the farms again.

Silently she watched Lee preparing breakfast. She enjoyed these few moments they had before they would go wandering again. Even though there were lots of people around them, it felt as if it were just Lee and her for the moment.

"I spoke to Roslin about the rescue mission to Caprica." Kara said quietly.

"Yeah? What did she say?" Lee asked.

"She said she had other things to think about right now."

"Well, just bring it up later when this is all over. She's exhausted as it is. I don't think she has any strength left to deal with any other problems right now."

"Yeah …" Kara replied quietly. "You could talk to your Dad about it, when we … when we're back."

"If he even talks to me anymore."

"Of course he will, you're his son."

"I mutinied and broke out of prison. I'm probably not his most favorite person right now. You better talk to him yourself. You always had a better relationship with him."

"Well, I stole a military asset and deserted. He won't like me much either right now."

"He's going to give us the glare."

"Oh gods ..."

"Yeah, it still makes me feel like a school boy." Lee sighed.

"I only got that glare once and ... oh gods, I don't want to see that ever again. I ..."

Suddenly Lee heard a rustle in the woods. Alerted he looked at Kara. He didn't need to say anything – she had heard it too. He motioned her to warn Helo and the others, then he carefully sneaked around the tent, his gun raised. After counting to three, he quickly moved around the tent. When he saw someone stepping out of the woods, he immediately pointed his weapon at the person ... then he recognized who had appeared before him and froze.

XXXXXXX

As quietly as possible Adama, Tyrol and Billy Keikeya walked through the woods. Adama has insisted to start walking again at the first sign of light. They were on the right track, he knew they were. They just had to be. When they had come to Kobol he had expected to find the fugitives as Tigh loved to call them fairly quickly. But they hadn't. They had looked all day yesterday and still there was no sign of them. They had searched until it had become too dark. He knew he should rest more. His chest hurt like hell and Cottle's words to take it easy kept running through his mind. He had hardly slept at all last night but he couldn't take a rest until he knew his son was safe. He hated to admit it, but the only reason he was down here was Lee. He needed to make sure he was all right. And if he wasn't … then he didn't want to find that out over the wireless. He wanted to see him with his own eyes.

He had gotten used to knowing where Lee was almost every minute of the day. He knew his schedule through the day, he knew when he had briefings, when he was spending time in his office and he knew that Lee was spending most of his off duty time with his family. And when he was on CAP or out fighting Cylon Raiders, there was always that dot on Dradis showing him that Lee was still alive.

He didn't have that dot now. All he knew was that his son was somewhere on this planet. And he wouldn't stop until he had found him.

As he walked through the woods of Kobol, Adama remembered the moment he had promised Lee to never leave him behind. He remembered the surprised look in Lee's eyes. He had doubted his own father would come for him. His reaction, though only visible in his eyes, had taken Adama by surprise. He had realized for the first time how big the rift between him and his son really was. Adama had vowed that day to prove to Lee that he had really meant his words. Now he had nearly broken that vow … he had been close to leaving Lee behind on this planet and jumping away at the first sign of Cylons.

But he had come to his senses in time and now here he was. On Kobol, the planet of the gods, looking for his son. And he was determined not to go back without Lee. And he would make sure Laura Roslin was with them as well.

Suddenly he noticed something ahead of them. He had nearly missed it … tents. And there were a few small fires going. They had found them.

He motioned for Tyrol and Billy to stay behind him and quietly walked towards the camp. He held his gun ready in case this was a Cylon trap. He suddenly was afraid what he would find in those tents. What if the Cylons had been there first? In that moment he saw someone coming around one of the tents, pointing his gun directly at him … it was Lee.

For a moment father and son just stared at each other, guns still pointed at the other. Adama was the first who lowered his gun. He expected Lee to do the same, but his son just kept staring at him as if he had seen a ghost.

"Put down your weapon, Captain." Adama said quietly.

His words pulled Lee out of his haze and he slowly lowered his gun. He still couldn't do anything but stare at his father. He didn't know what to do, how to react or what to say. He was half expecting a shouting from his father about how stupid he had been to follow Roslin here and how disappointed he was in him.

Adama saw all kind of different emotions running through Lee's eyes. This was one of the few times he was able to see his son lose his control over his feelings. He saw his uncertainty over what to do now, so Adama took care of that. He walked the few steps to his son and pulled him into a tight embrace. His heart swelled with joy when Lee immediately returned the hug. He held his son close to him, overwhelmed to have him back. He noticed tears brimming in his eyes and at the moment he wasn't capable of holding them back. He had his son back and nothing else mattered.

"Commander."

Roslin's quiet voice brought Adama back to reality. Slowly he pulled out of the embrace and met Lee's questioning eyes. He gave him a comforting smile and turned to Roslin. He could always talk to Lee later.

"It's good to see you." Adama said to Roslin.

The smile she gave him filled his heart with warmth. He hadn't realized until now how much he had missed her as well.

He wanted to say something, but at that moment his eyes fell on someone standing behind Roslin, watching him hesitantly. A small smile appeared on his face … he should have known if anyone would get this mission done, it would be Kara Thrace. Slowly he walked to her. When he stood before he, he pushed back a strand of hair that had fallen loose before he pulled her into an embrace. His family was complete again.

"Oh, my gods. Commander? Commander!"

The horrified shouts from Chief Tyrol alerted Adama immediately. He turned to him and when he saw him pointing his gun at someone behind him, he followed his gaze ... and he saw her. Sharon Valerii, the pilot who had shot him. Suddenly his nightmares which he never remembered when he woke up sweating and trembling at night flashed through his mind. For the first time he remembered what had really happened that day. He saw Sharon raising her gun at him and shooting him. He saw himself standing next to her body in Galactica's morgue ... and now she was standing before him ... alive. She didn't deserve to live. Without thinking straight anymore Adama threw herself at her and grabbed her by the throat. While he kept choking her, all his thoughts were focused on her. He didn't notice Roslin or Helo trying to stop him, to pull him away from her. All his attention was on Sharon - he wanted to make sure she wouldn't get out of here alive.

"I want you to die." He whispered, his voice full of hate. He didn't even realize he was talking aloud. "Die."

Suddenly he felt a stabbing pain in his chest and he felt as if he couldn't breathe. He let go of Sharon and held his hand to his chest. All of his strength had left him and he sagged down on her.

"Dad!" Lee was immediately at his father's side. He pulled him away from Sharon and held him in his arms. "Dad?"

Lee kept holding his father until he came back to his senses. His breathing slowed down and he opened his eyes again. When their eyes met, Lee smiled at him relieved. For a moment he had feared he would lose him for good this time.

When Adama noticed that Lee was holding him, he struggled to get free. He wasn't sure what had happened, but whatever it was, he was embarrassed by the position he found himself in.

"Let me help you, Dad." Lee said quietly as he tried to help him get up.

"I'm fine." Adama said brusquely and pulled out of Lee's grasp. He immediately regretted his harsh reaction when he saw the rejection in Lee's eyes. He wanted to say something, but at that moment, Roslin addressed him.

"I think we need to talk, Commander. If you feel up to it."

"Of course. Let's not waste anymore time." He threw a last glance at his son before he followed Roslin to her tent. He wanted to know what was going on here. There was always time to talk to Lee later.

XXXXXXX

Lee and Kara sat next to the fire again, both deep in thought. While Lee stared at the fire in front of them, Kara watched Roslin and Adama.

"What do you think they're talking about?"

Instead of giving her an answer, Lee just shrugged.

"You think they're talking about us? The best way to punish us? How many days in the brig you think we're gonna get?"

"The President is a fugitive herself. If we go to the brig, so will she. I guess they'll come to some sort of compromise." Lee finally replied quietly.

"You think? Just like that? No yelling, no fighting, no ... punches?"

Lee let out a small laugh. "Can you imagine them fighting?"

"It would be fun to watch." Kara chuckled. "It's good to see him. He looks good." She said more quietly.

"Yeah ..."

"You two should talk, you know."

"We don't talk."

"Men." Kara rolled her eyes. "Just tell him how scared you were, why you did all this. He will understand. He looked really happy to see you again."

Lee slowly shook his head. All he remembered was that his father has brushed him off when he had tried to help him. "We're lucky if we get to keep our jobs. All I want is to get back to Galactica and to my family."

"Just talk to him, Lee." Kara said quietly as she laid her head on his shoulder. Why did the Adama men have to be so stubborn, she thought, sighing. They could have both spared themselves a lot of grief if they would just communicate more often. Not that she was any better in it, she thought to herself.

XXXXXXX

Adama and Roslin had decided that they would continue the search for the tomb together. They left the camp about an hour later.

They were all surprised when in the late afternoon they actually stood in front of the tomb. They had almost lost hope that it really existed, but now they were here.

Adama could see the relief on his son's face. So Roslin had been right after all. He should feel angry about that, but seeing the look on his son's face only made him feel content. Lee had believed in her and she hadn't let him down. Unlike himself, a little voice inside his head reminded him. Yes, he had let his son down in the past, but he had changed, hadn't he? He suddenly remembered the look of rejection in Lee's eyes when he had pulled out of his arms after his collapse. He had seen the same disappointment again when Lee had tried to talk to him earlier today during their walk to the tomb. Again he had pushed him away. It hadn't been the time. He had told him they would talk later.

A deep feeling of regret suddenly welled up inside of him. That's what he always did. He always postponed this conversations with his son until later. He had done the same the night after the attacks. Lee had come to him and he had sent him away. We'll talk later, he had said. But they had never talked. He wondered if one day he would find that he had waited too long.

"Lieutenant Thrace, I hope you have that arrow handy." Adama heard Roslin say.

At the same moment he suddenly saw a gun being pointed at him … and Sharon Valerii was the one holding the weapon. He froze, images of the last time he stood before that woman holding a gun flashing through this mind. A wave of panic spread through him. Then he saw one of Zarek's men, Meier, holding a gun to Lee's head. They were going to kill his son … He cursed himself for not paying enough attention. He forced himself to stay calm and think of something to stop them. But before he could do anything, Sharon suddenly turned around and shot Meier. Then she quickly pointed the gun back at him. With his son out of danger for the moment, all of Adama's attention was focused on Sharon now. He hardly noticed how Lee pulled out his own gun and pointed it at Sharon.

"I need you to know something. I'm Sharon, but I'm a different Sharon. I know who I am. I don't have hidden protocols or programs lying in wait to be activated. I make my own choices. I make my own decisions. And I need you to know this is my choice."

Surprised Adama watched Sharon handing him her gun. He took it and gave it to Tyrol who immediately went to inspect it. Adama never turned his eyes from Sharon.

"This is one of the old stallions. It's not military issue. Where the hell'd you get this?" Tyrol asked astounded.

"It's his." Sharon nodded in Meier's direction where Zarek was kneeling beside his friend. He could do nothing else but watch him die.

Adama didn't know what had just happened, but he had a fairly good idea about it. Just one more reason to not trust Tom Zarek. He couldn't believe Lee had gone to him for help. Lee … his attention immediately focused back on his son. "Are you all right?"

Surprised Lee looked at him. "Yes, I'm okay."

"Good." Adama nodded relieved. "Then let's get this tomb open."

As they walked towards the entrance, Adama was determined to talk to Lee as soon as they were back on Galactica.

XXXXXXX

A short while later Adama, Lee, Kara, Roslin and Billy stood on an open field, the stars glistening above them in the night sky and twelve monoliths surrounding them in a circle. Neither of them knew what had happened. One minute they had been standing in the tomb, placing the arrow in its rightful place, the next minute they were standing on this field.

"This is the map … this is the map to Earth." Lee suddenly said.

Everyone looked at him in surprise.

"Maybe. So is Earth in one of these constellations?" Adama looked questioningly at the sky.

"We're standing on it. We're standing on Earth." Kara whispered after a moment. Excitedly she looked at Lee. "The scriptures say that when the 13th tribe landed on Earth, they looked up into the heavens and they saw their 12 brothers."

"Earth is the place where you can look up in the sky and see the constellations of the 12 colonies." Roslin mumbled.

The excitement suddenly vanished from Kara's face. "I don't know what good it's gonna do us though. I mean, what are we supposed to do? Search the entire galaxy for one particular star pattern?"

Lee refused to believe that this was the end. They hadn't gone through all this just to go back with nothing. Intently he watched the stars … and then he saw it. He recognized the constellation. His father had been the first one who had taught him how to find it. He remembered this one night on his 10th birthday. His father had given him a telescope and they had spent the whole night watching the stars. It had been the only time they had done it together but Lee still remembered every single moment of it. That had been one of the reasons he had always shown such interest in astronomy. "There. There in Scorpio. I've seen that before. It's the lagoon nebula."

"Astro body M8. That's a long way from here." Adama said quietly.

"Yeah. But at least now we have a map and a direction." Roslin smiled.

They stayed on the field a while longer, all of them watching the stars above them in awe. They finally had a destination to go to.

Kara forced her glance away from the stars for a moment and looked at Lee. He looked so confident that this was their way to earth that she immediately believed it too. Without thinking about it she took his hand in hers. She smiled when she felt him gently squeeze her hand.

Together they stood on earth and watched their homes above in the sky.

XXXXXXX

It was already late at night when they all returned to Galactica. When Lee stepped out of the Raptor, he took a deep breath and took in all the familiar surroundings of the hangar deck.

"It's good to be home." Kara said quietly next to him.

"Yes, it is." Lee said smiling.

"Debriefing will be first thing in the morning." Adama told them as he walked past them. Then he stopped and turned shortly to them. "Welcome back."

When he walked away he was determined to talk with Lee in the morning. He could imagine that his son wanted to be with his family right now.

XXXXXXX

A short while later Lee stood in front of his quarters. Hesitantly he opened the hatch and peaked inside his quarters. It was dark; at this hour both Nia and Alicia were already asleep. Only a small lamp which didn't really give much light stood on a table near the wall; it had been a present from the Chief when he had found out that Nia was afraid of the dark sometimes.

Quietly Lee stepped into the room and walked over to his daughter's bed. She was sleeping peacefully. He sat down next to her and just watched her. And as so often all the tension from the past few weeks left him and he felt at peace. He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He was finally home again.

TBC


	24. Final Cut

Alicia knew something was different the second she woke up. She opened her eyes and held her breath. She saw Lee sitting on the floor next to their daughter's bed. His head had fallen on his chest and he seemed to be sleeping. She couldn't believe her eyes. Motionless she lay on the bed. She was afraid that if she would move she would wake up and this would be just another dream. She had no idea for how long she stayed like this. After some time she noticed that her daughter was waking up.

Nia truly was Lee's daughter. It didn't take her long to be fully awake and as soon as she saw her father sitting at her side, she let out a happy cry.

"Daddy."

Lee's head jerked up immediately. For a moment he looked around his surroundings in confusion, then he remembered where he was. Smiling he turned to his daughter.

"Hey pumpkin, did you miss me?" He picked her up and held her close to him, giving her a warm kiss.

"Evvy second." Nia laughed at him. She slung her little arms around his neck and gave him a kiss herself.

Lee hugged her again and then his eyes fell on his wife. Their eyes locked and for a long moment they just stared at each other. Finally Lee put Nia back in her bed, ignoring her protests and went to Alicia. He knelt down next to her and put a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She still hadn't moved.

"Hi." He said quietly, not sure what else he could say.

"Are you really here?" Alicia asked after a few seconds that had seemed to last an eternity.

"Yes and I'm not planning on going anywhere." Lee smiled at her insecurely.

Alicia finally allowed herself to believe it was true. She raised her hand and gently stroked his face. She closed her eyes when their lips met and they kissed for a long time.

XXXXXXX

"What is going to happen now?" Alicia asked quietly as she watched Lee putting on a fresh uniform. While Alicia had looked after Nia who hadn't liked to be ignored by both her parents for too long, Lee had enjoyed a long, hot shower. 

"I guess things will be back to normal. Roslin will continue to be the President and Kara and I will be back to flying. I'm not sure if I'm still the CAG but that's something I can live with. Not being the one giving the orders would be nice for a change."

"You would have more time."

"Yeah ..." Lee smiled at her, then he cleared his throat. "Listen, I ... I'm sorry that ..."

"No, don't." Quickly Alicia walked the few steps to him and put her finger on his lips. He couldn't apologize. If he did, she would have to too. Then she would have to tell him. "You did what you had to do. I understand that." She forced herself to smile at him. "I read your letter."

Again Lee cleared his throat. "Yeah, the letter ... I know that wasn't the best way to ..."

Again Alicia interrupted him. "It's okay. You put it at the best spot for me to find." She smiled at him. "Let's just ... Let's forget about the last week and just concentrate on what lies ahead of us."

Lee nodded slowly. "Sounds like a good plan."

XXXXXXX

Nervously Lee stood in front of his father's quarters. He had no idea what would wait for him in there. Even though he was pretty sure that his father wouldn't send him back to the brig again, he couldn't quite believe that he would get away without some kind of reprimand. Losing the CAG-position was the most likely. And a demotion. He had tried to tell himself that he wouldn't mind. This was the end of the world, who cares if he was a Captain or a Lieutenant. And being the CAG? He hadn't really been trained for that anyway and it had been a lot of work. He would have more time for his family. That was a good thing. He would just have to concentrate on that. Then being just a pilot anymore wasn't really that bad.

Taking a deep breath, Lee knocked on the hatch.

"Come in." Adama's gruff voice was heard.

"Good Morning, Commander." Lee saluted when he stood in front of his father's desk.

"At ease." Adama motioned for his son to take a seat. "Now ... about what happened the last few weeks ..." Adama cleared his throat. "There will be a small ceremony later today. As you already know, Roslin will continue her presidency. She spoke a full pardon for everyone involved. You, me, Tigh ..."

"You?" Lee cut in surprised.

"I planned a military coup. That was an illegal action." Adama looked intently at his son. "As was holding a gun to your commanding officer."

"Yes, about that ..." Lee straightened up in his chair. "I take full responsibility for everything that happened on Colonial One ... and on Galactica later of course. I accept every punishment."

"Captain, you didn't listen. You were pardoned. There is no punishment."

"Oh ..."

"You will resume your duties as CAG but I think you will agree that your days as the President's military advisor are over." Adama looked intently at his son.

"Yes, of course." Lee said quickly. Not having to attend to all those boring meetings as Roslin's advisor was actually a good thing, but he wouldn't admit that.

"Good." Adama took a deep breath. "Now that we have talked about that ... I'm glad you are back, Lee."

Surprised Lee looked at his father. He hadn't expected something like that. "Uhm, yeah ... it's good to be back."

"I'm sure your family missed you."

"I hope so." Lee smiled nervously.

"I haven't seen much of Alicia and Nia since I returned to work. Uhm ..." Adama squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. He wasn't used to this kind of conversation with his son. Damn, why was this so hard ...

"I can imagine you had a lot on your mind." Lee offered.

"Yes, but ... I should have looked after them. Made sure they were all right."

"That's my job, Dad." 

Both men stayed quiet for a moment.

"I read your letter. The one you wrote for Alicia. She gave it to me ..." His voice trailed off as he remembered the moment he had read his son's words to his wife. "You said you wanted something better for your daughter. You wanted her to have a future ..." Adama looked intently at his son. "You're my son, Lee. And the only reason that kept me going the last few months was that I didn't want you to live the rest of your life like this. I want my son to have a future."

Lee swallowed. He had no idea what to say. He had never heard his father talk like this. "Uhm, I ... It's always good to have a reason to go on." He said in a hoarse voice. 

"Yes."

They both looked uncomfortably around the room, neither knowing what to say next.

"Well, uhm, my shift starts in a few minutes and I guess there's a lot of paperwork waiting, so ..."

"Yes, of course." Adama replied quickly. "You should talk to Birch, he can fill you in." 

"Birch?" Lee looked at his father in surprise.

"Yes, he was CAG when you were ... not around."

"Right." Again Lee felt uncomfortable. Would he ever be able to remember this time and not feel guilty about this around his father? Or Alicia? Or Nia?

_"A man takes responsibility for his actions, right or wrong. He accepts the consequences and lives with them. Every day."  
_  
His father's words from two months ago echoed in his mind. They finally made sense to him.

"You don't agree with my choice?" Adama had noticed Lee's surprise at the mention of Birch.

"No, it's just, I mean, he's a nice guy, but ... he's not really that good a pilot. Not that he's bad ..." Lee added quickly. "It's just hard to believe that he was the best qualified of my pilots."

"He was the most loyal one." Adama regretted the words as soon as he had spoken them. He hadn't meant it like that.

"Of course." Lee replied. He tried to hide the hurt at his father's words. "I have to go then."

"Lee ..." Adama wished he could take back what he had just said. "I ..."

"I'm glad you're all right, Dad." Lee had stopped at the hatch and had turned to his father one last time. "I ... was worried."

"So was I." Adama admitted quietly.

Lee nodded slowly and then stepped out into the corridor.

XXXXXXX

"I think that would be all, Sir." Birch said as he placed the last file in front of Lee. "We are behind with the supply runs but I'm sure that won't be a problem much longer now that you're back, Sir."

"Thanks for you trust, Catman." Lee laughed. Watching the pile of files in front of him he didn't think he would get it all done in this lifetime. And he had a double CAP starting in less than in hour. How great it was to be CAG again, he thought smiling to himself.

"Sir, if I my talk openly." Birch asked hesitantly.

"Sure."

"I know I screwed up. I thought I could do this job, you made it look easy enough, but ... I'm not good enough. You can have my resignation within the hour, Sir."

"Your resignation?" With wide eyes Lee looked at the man in front of him. "Captain ... George, I know what it feels like to be thrown in a job like this, believe me. And it may have looked easy from the outside, but it was a lot of hard work. I made my own bunch of mistakes during the first days. It was only thanks to the Cylons attacking every 33 minutes that everyone was too frakking tired to notice." Lee chuckled. "You're a good pilot and we need you. Hack, we need every pilot we have. I don't want to lose you."

Birch was flabbergasted ... he had expected his CAG to be thrilled of the prospect of getting rid of him. After all, he had taken on his job while Apollo had been out there saving the fleet and he hadn't even been good at it. The fact that Apollo still thought of him as a good pilot meant a lot to him. He would make sure he would live up to it from now on. "Thank you, Sir. I won't let you down again."

"You didn't, Captain." Lee smiled at him encouragingly.

After Birch had left, Lee stared at the pile of paperwork on his desk. It looked like he had been gone for a whole year. That thought made him chuckle. He had only been on Galactica for two months and yet it felt like a lifetime.

Putting down his pen resolutely, Lee decided to join his wife and daughter for lunch. This was his first day back. Surely he was allowed to spend some time with them before he would sit in a viper for the next hours.

XXXXXXX

"Beans, Mommy." Nia waved the bean happily in front of her mother.

"Yes, honey, those are beans. And you're supposed to eat them." For what seems like the hundredth time Alicia held the spoon in front of her daughter's mouth, but Nia seemed reluctant to eat. Everything else around her seemed much more interesting at the time.

"Nia, listen to your mother." Lee said smiling as he sat down next to them, putting his own plate in front of him.

"Lee." Surprised Alicia looked at him.

"Hi." He gave her a short kiss and then turned to his daughter again. "You think you can finish your plate before me?"

"Yes." Nia shook her head resolutely and immediately grabbed the spoon from her mother. "Me, Mommy."

"Fine." Alicia laughed. "Here you go. But don't spill it all on the floor."

"No, no." Nia now turned all her concentration on the plate in front of her. She proudly named every piece of food she ate.

"Great, why don't I ever get her to eat so fast?" Alicia sighed.

"What can I say, she loves me." Lee said grinning.

"Of course she does." Alicia said, suddenly feeling bitter. Nia always did everything to please her father.

Lee looked at her in surprise. "I was just kidding, Ali. She loves both of us."

"I know she does. But … Oh, never mind."

"Ali, what …"

"What did your father have to say?" Alicia quickly changed the topic. She already felt stupid for thinking this way. 

Lee looked at her for a moment and then decided to not push the matter anymore. "Roslin spoke a full pardon on anyone involved. I'm still CAG, but I won't be working as her military advisor anymore. Which really isn't that bad actually and I think by now she has a pretty good understanding of the military."

"But you're still CAG."

"Yes." Lee tried to hide his joy about that fact. He could see she wasn't too happy about it. "I know that still leaves me with a lot of work, but the fact that I don't have to …"

"It's okay, I'm sure you're happy you still get to order everyone around." Alicia forced herself to smile at him.

"Uhm, well, yeah, I mean, no, that's not …"

"It's all right, Lee, I understand." 

"Okay, good." Somehow Lee felt as if they were in the middle of a fight, but she still sat next to him with a smile. "So, uhm, is everything all right? I mean, the last week probably wasn't easy. You were alone with Nia and with all that happened and …"

"I'm fine, don't worry. Though I have to admit I'm look forward to seeing Elosha again. As much as I like Brother Cavil, I will feel much more comfortable talking to a woman."

Lee froze at her words. Gods, he hadn't told her yet. He had been so happy to be with them again, he hadn't even thought about Elosha. "Ali …"

"What?" Alicia asked when Lee didn't continue. Then she recognized the look in his eyes and didn't need him to say anything else. "Oh …"

"I'm sorry. I …She …"

"She was a good woman." Alicia pressed out.

"Yes. Yes, she was. Definitely." He wished he could say something else.

"So I guess it's Brother Cavil then. He's nice." Alicia said quickly.

"That … that's good. Uhm, I didn't know that you … already … had someone else." Lee stammered. He felt like an idiot. "What I meant to say was that I'm glad you found someone to talk to while I was gone."

"Yes." 

They both stayed quiet after that and Lee quickly finished his meal. This was probably one of the worst conversations he ever had with his wife.

XXXXXXX

The next week Lee fell back into his old life quickly. After a few days it felt is if he had never been gone. His pilots came to him with the same questions as before Kobol, he still had to settle fights between stressed out pilots and deckhands and stop Kara from killing Kat. Actually that was new … Kat had looked up to Kara before the events of Kobol, but now it seemed they did nothing but fight. That was just another thing he had to consider when he made the next flight schedule.

So his job was the same as before, his private life was another matter though. His relationship with his father hadn't changed. After their little talk the day after their return they hadn't seen much from another except when it was job related .. so there was nothing new. And Nia still worshipped him which he loved. But his relationship with Alicia … something was different. He couldn't put his finger on it, but it felt as if there was this huge wall between them and neither of them knew how to tear it down. On the outside they acted as if everything was all right. They didn't even really fight. But it wasn't like before. And Lee had no idea how to fix it.

"Starbuck, Apollo." Cally called to them as they climbed out of their vipers. "The Commander wants to see both of you in his office."

"Great." Kara groaned. "We just finished a 15-hour rotation."

"Yeah, well, you better get used to it. We're gonna be short on pilots till the rest of the fleet pulls the stick out of its collective fat ass."

"More fallout from Tigh's moment of glory?" Kara grinned mischievously. 

"You heard about his death threat?" Lee asked. He wasn't really surprised. News traveled fast on a battlestar. And when the XO and his wife got threatened that didn't stay a secret for long. 

"Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. I just can't believe that I haven't been called in for questioning yet." Kara said offended.

"Oh, you were top of the list. But don't worry, I told Tigh that you wouldn't know Caprican poetry if it was hot-soldered across your helmet." Lee teased her.

Kara looked at him challengingly. "From the darkness, you must fall, failed and weak, to darkness all. Kataris. Not one of his best." A wicked grin appeared on her lips. "Can I be a suspect again? Please?"

"Yeah, all right." Lee laughed. "If it makes you stop quoting dead poets." 

"Thanks." Kara quipped, grinning. "So what do you think the Old Man wants?"

"No idea. I know he had a meeting with Roslin this morning on Colonial One, maybe it's about that."

"I just hope it isn't related to even more work." Kara sighed.

XXXXXX

Ten minutes later Kara and Lee stood in front of the Commander, the surprise of what he had just told them evident on their faces.

"What?" They both exclaimed at the same time.

"You heard me. Ms. Biers will have full access and as long as it doesn't threaten the safety of the fleet, you will answer ALL her questions. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir." Lee sighed. This was just what he had wished for. A noisy reporter running around the ship, asking stupid questions.

"But …" Kara started but when she saw Adama's glare pointed at her she quickly shut her mouth again. "Yes, Sir." She pressed out after a moment.

"Good. Dismissed."

When they stood outside Adama's quarters again, Kara looked at Lee defiantly. "Whatever she wants to ask me, I'll send her to you."

"Why?" 

"You're the CAG. That's your job." Without waiting for him to reply, she turned around and walked away.

"Great." Lee mumbled and walked into the other direction. Maybe he should just schedule himself for another 15 hour CAP. Surely the reporter wouldn't stay that long.

"Ship's galley is next on the itinerary. Our vegetable stores and canned goods are kept in titanium lockers to ensure maximum freshness."

When Lee heard Dee's voice from around the corner, he turned around immediately. There was only one person she would explain all that to and he would do everything in his power to not run into her.

XXXXXXX

Two hours later Lee sat in a chair, looking directly into a camera. He hoped his annoyance about this situation wasn't too obvious. He had done his best to avoid D'anna Biers but he hadn't been very successful. She had eventually tracked him down while he was hiding in a storage room ... he figured that would have been a safer place to do his paper work than his office. He had been wrong.

"Captain Adama, is there anything you'd like to say before we start this interview?" 

"Actually yes, there is." Lee cleared his throat. "I was told you were, uh, busting into the pilots duty locker today. The area's off-limits for a reason. It's the one place where my people can unwind and be themselves. I would appreciate it if you could accept that."

"You seem to think that your pilots deserve special consideration." D'anna Biers said with a raised eyebrow.

"Actually, I do." Lee replied, surprised about this as well. He had never really thought about this, but she was right. They did deserve special consideration. "Like everyone else, my pilots have lost their families, and their friends, everyone they ever cared about. But on top of that, they're asked to put their lives on the line every single day for a fleet that seems more interested in what they do wrong than in what they do right. They're not asking for your pity, but they damn well deserve your respect."

D'anna Bears smiled at him. "You're right, Captain. I will make sure to be more careful where I'll go the next time. Now, you mentioned family. As far as I know, you still have your family. They are even on board this ship, aren't they?" 

Lee squirmed on his chair uncomfortably. He never liked to talk about his family with strangers, least of all with reporters. "Yes they are. It was a fortunate coincidence that we were all on Galactica that day."

"It must give you a lot of strength to have them close to you."

"It does." Lee smiled. "It's a good reason to get out there every day and fight." 

"I'm sure it is." D'anna smiled at him. "I hope you will have a long and happy time with them. You're the fleet's hero. We can't let you of all people lose hope should anything happen to them."

Lee wasn't sure what to make out of that comment, but he didn't like the tone she was talking in. "Why would something happen to my family?"

"This is a battlestar. We are in the middle of the war. Too many people have died even after the attacks because the Cylons keep finding us. Of course it is thanks to you and your pilots that there are not more deaths among the civilians due to Cylon attacks." She gave him a small smile. "I talked to a woman from the Greenleaf Freighter a few days ago. Her husband died during a Cylon attack. It was tragic."

"And good news, I presume." Lee replied cynically.

"Oh well ..." D'anna Biers smiled perfidiously. "Everyone has a job to do. Now, let's talk about the pilots. What do you look for in new recruits?"

This was just the question Lee had hoped for. "Oh, you should ask Lt. Thrace about that. She is our flight instructor." He suddenly felt much better. He would love to see Kara's face when Biers interviewed her.

XXXXXXX

After the interview Lee spent the next few hours doing paperwork. Finally his eyes began to hurt and he decided it was time for a break. He thought about going to spend some time with his family when he remembered that Alicia was working in sickbay at this hour. Nia would be in Mathilda's quarters and he didn't want to just burst in there. So he decided to go to the hangar back and do something useful. There was always a bird waiting for repairs and it was relaxing work. He had almost reached the hangar deck, when he was called there over the PA.

"Frak, what's wrong now." He muttered to himself and quickly ran the last few meters. "Chief!" He called out for Tyrol as soon as he stepped onto the hangar deck.

"Kat crashed her viper into the landing bay. It looks like's she completely freaked out." Tyrol explained quickly. At that moment the damaged viper was pulled onto the deck.

"What the hell happened? Kat's made the trap a hundred times." Lee shouted as he ran to the viper.

"Yeah, I guess 101 was a real bitch, huh?"

Kara had suddenly appeared at his side and together they tried to get Kat out of the viper ... which wasn't easy. She really was freaking out. She was screaming and struggled to get free. It took several people to eventually restrain her. When Kara grabbed her arm, she felt something inside her arm pocket. She quickly grabbed into it and found a bottle with pills.

"What's this? Stims?" She asked furiously.

"Please, don't take ... don't take that, please!" Kat screamed devastated. She was fighting even more now to get free.

"Stop it." Kara yelled at her.

"Let go! Aaah! No! Let go! Let go! We're gonna die!" Kat kept screaming frantically until they were finally able to put her on a stretcher and one of the medics immediately injected her with a sedative.

"Get my pilot to sickbay now!" Kara said, the anger clearly audible in her voice.

"Stims." Lee shook his head. He was holding his arm where Kat had hit him hard. "And by the look of her, she's been taking them by the handful."

"I don't believe this. How can she be so frakking stupid." She threw her fist against the wall and kicked against some boxes.

Lee grabbed her by the arm. "Come on, let's go. Cottle will take good care of her." He dragged her out of the hangar bay. D'anna Biers and her ever present camera were getting on his nerves. Of course she had taped everything. As he was dragging Kara outside, he saw Biers following the medics to lifestation. He couldn't believe his father had agreed to let her come to Galactica.

XXXXXX

A few minutes later Lee and Kara sat in the mess, drinking coffee.

"What a day." Kara sighed.

"Yeah ..."

"Thanks for sending that reporter to me." Kara shot him an annoyed glare.

"You're welcome." Lee grinned.

"So, what are you gonna do about Kat?"

Lee's grin faded. "I don't know. I'll have to talk to Cottle first. And then we'll see."

"She's one hell of a pilot."

"You should tell her that some time." Lee said quietly.

"Me? You're the CAG."

"And you're her flight teacher."

"So this is my fault?" Kara looked at him angrily.

"I didn't say that. Kat did that to herself." Lee replied. He could see the familiar pain in Kara's eyes behind her anger. He wanted to take that pain away from her. "Zak wasn't your fault either."

"What?" Shocked Kara looked at him. She hadn't expected to ever talk about him again.

"It wasn't your fault. Yes, you passed him, but he knew he wasn't good enough. He wasn't that stupid. He was just stupid enough not to accept it."

"And I was stupid enough to pass him." Kara whispered.

"I was stupid enough not to talk him out of it. Your superiors were stupid enough to put a blind eye on your relationship. There were so many people involved in his death ..." He stopped for a second. Even after two years it hurt to say it out loud. "You're giving yourself too much credit to take all the blame on your shoulders."

Kara looked at him sadly. She wished it would be so easy. But Zak's death and her part in it would always be a part of her. And her pain was the price she had to pay for her actions.

They stayed quiet after that, both of them lost in their own thoughts. When the alarms started off, they both jerked up.

"Frakking Cylons." Kara called out.

They quickly ran to the hangar deck and directly to their vipers.

"Good hunting, Apollo."

"Good hunting, Starbuck."

They didn't lose a single pilot in the battle. That didn't happen too often. It was a good day

XXXXXXX

A few days later everyone assembled in the rec room to watch D'anna Biers reportage about Galactica. Lee had persuaded Alicia to come with him. They had also taken Nia ... she loved spending time in the rec room and the pilots – male and female – loved having her around.

Alicia grabbed his hand as they listened to D'Anna Biers closing words.

"I came to Galactica to tell a story. In all honesty, I thought I knew what that story was before I ever set foot here. How an arrogant military let their egos get in the way of doing their job safeguarding the lives of the civilian population. But I found the truth was more complex than that. These people aren't Cylons. They're not robots blindly following orders and polishing their boots. They're people. Deeply flawed, yes, but deeply human too. And maybe that's saying the same thing. What struck me the most is that despite it all ... the hardships, the stress, the ever-present danger of being killed ... despite all that, they never give up. Never lie down in the road and let the truck run them over. They wake up in the morning, put on their uniforms, and do their jobs. Every day, no pay. No rest. No hope of ever laying down the burden and letting someone else do the job. There are no relief troops coming, no Colonial fleet training new recruits every day. The people on Galactica are it. They are the thin line of blue separating us from the Cylons. Lieutenant Gaeta told me a remarkable statistic. Not a single member of Galactica's crew has asked to resign. Not one. Think about that. If you wore the uniform, wouldn't you want to quit? To step aside and say, "Enough. Let someone else protect the fleet." I know I would. But then, I don't wear a uniform. Most of us don't, most of us never will. The story of Galactica isn't that people make bad decisions under pressure. It's that those mistakes are the exception. Most of the time, the men and women serving under Commander Adama get it right. The proof is that our fleet survives. And with Galactica at our side, we will endure. This is D'anna Biers, Fleet News Service."

TBC

**A.N.: Thanks to Laurie for beta reading. :)**


	25. Flight of the Phoenix

Alicia watched the light flicker in the corner. For some reason she couldn't take her eyes of it. Since she had moved into these quarters with Lee, everything here had worked without failure. The lights never went out when they weren't supposed to – unless they were being attacked by Cylons. It was always the right temperature in the room. The water in the shower never got too hot or too cold all of a sudden. The alarm never failed to go off at the right time. Everything always went right in this room ... while in real life everything seemed to fall apart around her.

"So, how are things going in your marriage?" Brother Cavil asked lightly. He was at his weekly meeting with Alicia. For the last few minutes they had talked about all kind of things, none of them being connected to any of the problems the young woman was troubled with.

"Good. They're good. Lee is back and ... everything is good." Alicia replied, forcing herself to smile at Cavil.

"Good, huh? Sounds like the honeymoon period is over."

"What do you mean?" Alicia asked confused.

"Good doesn't really mean good when it comes to a marriage. Especially if you had just been separated from your husband, not knowing if you would ever see him again. And then there was your abortion, of course."

Alicia froze at his words. She had hoped never to talk about that again. She hadn't touched the subject in any of her conversations with Cavil since she had made her decision and she had hoped he wouldn't either. She should have known he wouldn't drop it forever.

"That's all in the past. Lee and I are focusing on the future. We have a daughter to take care of. We can't waste time brooding over things that can't be changed anymore." She replied, hating how shaken her voice sounded.

"Have you told him?"

"No." She said sharply. She took a deep breath to calm herself. "Lee doesn't need to know. He already has enough problems to worry about, he doesn't need to ... he doesn't need to feel guilty about this."

"You think he would feel guilty? Why?" Cavil asked interested.

"No, he ... He doesn't need to, it 's just ... He always ..." Alicia stammered, not really sure what she should say. Why had she said he would feel guilty? "He did nothing wrong. He didn't even know about the pregnancy, I never got a chance to tell him. But ... I know Lee. He would feel guilty about it. For leaving ... He's just like that."

"Do you blame him? For leaving you?"

"No, of course not. He ... He did it for us, to keep us safe. He explained it all in his letter. I understand that he couldn't say it to me in person at the time. It was crazy back then." She looked pleadingly at Cavil. She wished he would stop. She didn't want to talk about this. It just hurt too much. And of course she didn't blame Lee for leaving her. Did she?

"But you didn't find the letter in time." Cavil pointed out.

"Lee didn't know I wouldn't take my pills. If I had ... I would have found the letter shortly after his departure." She sighed. "Look, can we please not talk about this? I ... just want to forget. Move forward ... Can you understand that?"

"Of course I can." Cavil smiled at her. "But I'm here to help you. And no matter how much you want to, you can't forget what happened. What you went through. You had an abortion...that's not something you can put behind you easily. You need to talk about it. With me, with Lee... whoever you chose to. But you need to talk about it."

"I can't talk about this with Lee." Alicia whispered. "He would never forgive me."

"Then this will always stand between you."

XXXXXXX

Lee shot at her, again and again and again. Every time the bullets hit right on her face, a wave of satisfaction waved through him. It didn't last long though. This wasn't really her. Just a picture where they had put her face on. But this was all the revenge he would get. The real one was already dead. He fired again and again all bullets hit his target.

"Someone's a tad aggressive." Kara teased him. She was standing in the shooting range right next to him, firing her own weapon. As everyone else, her target was wearing the face of Sharon Valerii.

"Just shut up and shoot." Lee replied sharply, not taking his eyes of his target.

"My gods, between you and Racetrack, it's like ... having a conversation is like walking through a minefield." Kara said, stifling a laugh. She wasn't exactly sure why she was laughing. It hadn't been meant to be funny. She had had a conversation with a couple of pilots last night that had been about Helo and Sharon and which hadn't ended nicely. Toaster lover had been one of the nicer things Racetrack and the others had called her friend. It had made her very angry.

"And you're the last person who should be lecturing me about manners." Lee said with a raised eyebrow.

"From what I hear, you've also been riding Chief Tyrol pretty good."

Lee let out a frustrated sigh. She was right, he hadn't been very fair to Tyrol lately. But he would be damned if he'd admit that. And Tyrol wasn't acting like his normal self either. No one seemed to these days. "Press it." He said and walked up the room to exchange the target paper. "I just reminded him that I expect viper maintenance to take precedence over his hobby project." He inhaled deeply, not getting as much air in as he wanted to. When he was walking back to the shooting range, picking up his weapon, he felt slightly lightheaded. He ignored the feeling.

"Nice! I'm surprised he didn't take a swing at you." Kara smirked.

"Come on, Starbuck. You don't actually think that piece of junk's gonna actually fly, do you?" Lee said grinning. He was referring to the Chief's latest project. He was building a brand new viper out of old machine parts. Or at least he was trying to. Lee didn't think it would work and they didn't have the time to waste on such things. He had been real angry about that earlier the day but right now the image of Tyrol building a viper seemed rather funny.

Kara seemed to think so too as she suddenly started laughing. "Fifty cubits says he gets it in the air."

"Yeah? And who's gonna fly it? It's not gonna be me." Lee grinned. He was feeling even more lightheaded all of a sudden. He wondered shortly what was wrong with him. But when he turned around to Kara and suddenly found himself standing nose to nose with her as she had turned around at the same time he forget all about that.

"Don't look at me." Hotdog called out. He was standing in the range next to Kara's and had listened to their conversation.

"I wasn't looking at you." Lee told him. He wanted to say something else, but Kara's laughter distracted him. "What?"

"I'll fly it. I'll fly it."

"You?

"Me."

"Why?"

"Because... while everyone else is standing around whining ..." They moved closer to each other with every word they were saying.

"We're whining?" Lee tried to sound offended, but somehow he couldn't stop grinning.

"The chief is doing something positive."

"I'm deeply moved. Really. Honestly, I am." He wasn't feeling like it really, but somehow Lee couldn't stop laughing. He blamed Kara for that. Her laughter always had been infectious. And he liked standing so close to her. He leaned a bit closer as the feeling of lightheadedness had turned more into a slight dizziness and leaning against Kara seemed to be the only thing keeping him standing. He knew he should worry about that ... but he couldn't keep his thoughts focused on it.

Then Hotdog sagged on the ground. They stumbled over to him to see what was wrong with him. But despite the situation they couldn't stop laughing.

"His lips are blue. You look like a blueberry." Kara giggled.

That's when Lee knew something was wrong. Hotdog was lying unconscious on the floor and he and Kara did nothing but laugh about it ... this wasn't normal. He tried to take a deep breath to focus his mind on the problem. Then he realized what the problem was.

"There's no oxygen in here." He said out of breath. He grabbed Kara's arm to get her attention. "There's no oxygen in here. There's no oxygen." As he was talking, he dragged himself to the door and tried to get it open. But no matter how hard he tried, the hatch stayed close. And his strength was dwindling fast. Not being able to stand upright anymore, Lee slid down on the ground.

It had taken Kara a moment to realize what Lee had said. By the time she finally did understand his words, she was hardly able to breathe anymore. Gasping for breath Kara reached up to the range counter and grabbed for her gun. She had a hard time lifting her arm and the gun seemed to weigh several tons but she managed to start firing at the hatch window. The first two shots missed, but the third was a hit ... but the glass didn't break.

"I'm empty." Hardly able to breath anymore, her arm fell back on the ground, the gun weighing too much to keep it up any longer.

Not willing to give up so easily, Lee crawled over to her and grabbed on the counter to get some explosive rounds. Together they managed to load the gun with the explosives and together they lifted the gun and fired at the window. It exploded, the door flew open, and fresh air came rushing into the room. For a few moments Lee and Kara just lay on the floor, inhaling deeply and waiting for their strength to come back. Neither of them felt ready to get up yet.

"Nice shot." Kara said grinning, breathing heavily and feeling utterly relieved to be able to get enough air in her lungs.

Neither of them knew how long they had been lying on the ground, but eventually people came running in and helped them up. A few medics appeared and placed oxygen masks on their faces. All three of them were still too out of breath to protest in any way.

That's how Adama found them. Seeing the pale appearance of his son and Kara and the masks on their faces sent a stab of fear through him. "Are you all right?" He hated how worried his voice sounded. He cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure. He wasn't here as a worried father, he was here as a Commander. "What happened?"

At seeing his father, Lee quickly pulled his oxygen mask down. "There must have been a problem with the environmental computer or something. All air just got sucked out."

"This was too frakking close." Kara said agitated. She had pulled her mask down as well after taking a couple of extra deep breaths. "And yes, we're all right."

"We had computer problems in CIC as well. Gaeta and Baltar are already working on it." Adama told them, ignoring Kara's last remark. Not that he didn't hear it ... but responding to it would mean that both Lee and Kara might not be all right now if things had gone differently. If they hadn't been able to get out in time ... He didn't finish that thought, didn't allow himself to think that his son might have died while he was on his ship. He was supposed to be safe on Galactica. This was the one place where Adama had thought he could be sure that his family wouldn't be in any danger. And just now Lee had nearly died. He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. He couldn't think about that if he wanted to stay being a Commander at this moment and not turn into a worried father. He had to try really hard to suppress the urge to embrace his son and make sure he was really all right.

"Do they need to get checked out by Cottle?" He asked one of the medics instead.

"No!" Both Lee and Kara exclaimed loudly while jumping up from the floor.

"I think they'll be all right." The medic replied.

"Good. Captain, I want you to go to CIC and work with Gaeta and Baltar. Try to figure out what's going on here. Lieutenant, get some rest."

"Thanks." Kara said grinning.

"Uh, I have CAP soon." Lee cut in. He wasn't really looking forward to working with Baltar.

"I don't think that's going to happen, Captain." The medic told him. "Light duty only for today."

"Great." Lee groaned. When he saw the frowning look of his father, he quickly straightened up. "I'll be in CIC then."

XXXXXXX

For the first time since he became CAG, Lee came home early today. Startled, Alicia looked up when she heard the hatch open.

"Hi. Is something wrong?" She asked, surprised to see him so early.

"No, everything's fine. Kat flew my CAP today, so I could finally catch up with my paperwork." Lee explained. He leaned down and gave both Nia and Alicia a kiss. "How was your day?"

"The usual. I ... I spoke with Cavil again today." Alicia absentmindedly stroked over her daughter's hair as she spoke.

"That's good." Lee forced himself to smile at her. It was good that she was talking to Cavil. He wondered what they were talking about. Were they talking about him? Their marriage? Ever since his return from Kobol he had the feeling that something was wrong between them. He had thought about talking with Alicia about that, but what was he supposed to say? Ask her straightforward what the problem was? If there really was a problem, she would probably get upset that he wasn't aware of it himself. Maybe he should talk about this with his father. If anyone knew about marriage problems, it should be him.

"So Kat just offered to take your CAP like that? I thought you all were happy about every downtime you could get." Alicia interrupted his thoughts.

"We are. But, uhm ..." He thought about telling her about the incident at the shooting range. But she would only get worried about it. And nothing really had happened ... he was fine and so were Kara and Hotdog. No need to get her upset about that. "We had some computer problems today. Dad asked me to work with Baltar and Gaeta on it, so Kat had to take my CAP. But they figured out what the problem is pretty quickly and as I don't know even half as much as those two about computer, I wasn't much help with finding a solution. So I let them work it out and finished up on my paperwork. Dad will be thrilled when he finds all my reports on his desk tonight." Lee grinned.

"I heard about those problems. I think our quarters are affected as well." She pointed to the still flickering lamp in the corner.

"I don't think that's connected to the computer virus." Lee said and went over the lamp.

"Virus? You didn't say anything about a virus." Alicia looked worried at her husband. Since the near destruction of humanity any mention of a computer virus left her feeling very scared.

Lee bit his lip. Frak, he hadn't meant to mention that it was a virus. "Like I said, they're working on a solution. No need to worry. I think we just need a new light bulb for this." He said after inspecting the lamp. "I'll get one tomorrow."

A small smile spread across Alicia's face. "You make it sound as if you just have to go to the next market and buy one."

Lee had so smile too at that image. "That would be nice. I miss going to the hardware store and talking shop with everyone there about the best way to repair a roof or something like that."

"When did you ever repair a roof?" Alicia laughed.

Lee pretended to be offended. "You don't think I can do that? You hear that Nia? Mommy doesn't think your Dad can repair a roof."

"Daddy can do all." Nia said, looking very earnest.

"See?" Lee grinned, looking proudly from his daughter to his wife.

"I know you can do everything you put your mind to, Lee." Alicia laughed. "So, when did you repair a roof?"

"That was actually long before we met. After a storm my Mom's roof got damaged. I repaired it all by myself. Well, Zak might have helped a bit." After a moment his smile faded and he looked thoughtfully at his daughter. Gods, would he ever be able to remember Zak without feeling this pain?

Alicia could see what went through his mind and took his hand in hers to give some comfort. "I'm sure your Mom was very proud to have two sons who helped her with these problems."

Lee smiled at her gratefully. "Why don't we go to the mess and get something to eat? We haven't had a real dinner together in a long time." He changed the subject.

"Sounds good." She smiled at him warmly. "Sounds perfect."

XXXXXXX

The next morning, Lee's first job was giving a self defense class. The idea had come to him shortly after they had been boarded by the Centurions. Even if it wouldn't help against a Centurion, it couldn't hurt if people knew how to defend themselves. Today was his first class and he had started explaining the basics to everyone. Then he had given an example on how to defend yourself against an attacker using Dualla to play the victim. He was surprised how fast she was learning. She had him on the floor pretty fast.

"Wanna show these kids what a real fight looks like, Apollo?" Kara called from the back of the room.

Lee tried hard to suppress a grin. This was so like Kara. "This is a class for self defense, Starbuck, not a show off."

"Oh, come on. You're afraid that I'll kick your ass?" She looked at him challengingly.

Lee smirked at her. He knew he should just ignore her ... but when it came to Kara, he just couldn't. "You're dreaming, Kara."

He picked up the fake knife again and went into position. Kara followed him into the middle of the room. They circled each other for some time until Lee made the first move and attacked Kara with the knife. She quickly moved to the side, grabbed his wrist and arm and dropped down on her knee. With a quick move she threw him on the ground, pinning him on the floor by holding tightly onto his arms.

"Who's dreaming now, Apollo?"

"You haven't won yet, Starbuck."

Before Kara knew what was happening, Lee had knocked out her arms and she fell on him, her face now only inches away from his. Their eyes locked ... and time seemed to stop. Lee thought he could hear his heart beating loudly. He found it impossible to draw his eyes away from hers.

Kara looked at Lee, breathing heavily from the exertion to get him down on the ground. Like Lee, she couldn't take her eyes from him. She felt as if she was drowning in his deep blue eyes. She could stay like this forever.

"Um... Hey."

Alicia's voice pulled Lee out of his haze and he quickly jumped up, causing Kara to fall on her back in the process.

"Ali, hi. What are you doing here?" He asked while he offered Kara his hand to help her get up.

"Layne told me about this class of yours. I thought I might join. It can't hurt to learn how to defend myself." Alicia replied smiling. At the same time she looked rather uncomfortably at Lee and Kara.

"Uh, that's a great idea." Lee replied quickly. "Kara and I were just showing one of the, uhm, moves. Why don't you take a seat over there. Uhm, Cally? You wanna try next?"

Alicia smiled at him and took a seat at the wall. She watched how Lee taught Cally another defense move. She tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but she couldn't get the image of Kara lying on top of him out of her mind.

XXXXXXX

"So, honestly. How bad was I?" Lee asked his wife after the class was over.

"Relax, you were great." Alicia laughed. "You're a great teacher."

"Well, at least no one got hurt." Lee smiled. "So, I have another two hours before my CAP. How about we grab something to eat? Nia is still with Mathilda, it would be just us for a change."

"You mean we could actually enjoy a meal together without getting soaked by our daughter's food? Sounds nice." Alicia said smiling.

At that moment Lee's name was called over the PA speaker. He was supposed to report to CIC.

"Great." Lee groaned. "So much for a nice, peaceful dinner."

"Well, another time then." Alicia said, trying not to sound too disappointed. It seemed that every time she and Lee got some time for themselves, something happened. How was she supposed to fix their marriage if they couldn't even get a simple dinner together? She was aware of the problems between them, she knew that she had been pushing Lee away the last few weeks. She had been more irritating and depressed than usual and she knew that Lee worried about that, but she couldn't tell him the reason for her behavior. She couldn't live with Lee hating her. But Cavil's words came back to her mind. He had found it important that she talked with Lee about it. Maybe he would understand. If she just found the rights words to tell him ... maybe he could forgive her? Maybe not right away, but after some time? Wouldn't that be better than to life with this distance between them for the rest of their lives? But what if he couldn't forgive her? Would she lose him forever?

XXXXXXX

Several hours later Lee returned to his quarters. He was still feeling high from the last battle with the Cylons. He had disagreed with his father to use Sharon's help in destroying the Cylon virus, but as it had turned out, it had been the right decision. She had sent the virus right back to the Cylons and their vipers had destroyed the defenseless Raiders without problems. It had been their time of payback when the Raiders had suddenly lost all power and had drifted through space without control. With a feeling of satisfaction Lee and the others had destroyed one Raider after the next. It had felt good. Real good.

With a grin he stepped into his quarters. "Hi, I'm back."

"Hey. What happened? Were we under attack? I heard the alarms ..."

"Don't worry, everything's fine." Lee sat down next to her and slung his arms around her. "We beat them with their own weapons and killed all of them. They didn't even have the chance to fire a single shot." He told her with a satisfied grin.

"Oh ..." Alicia tried to put up a happy smile. "That ... that's good."

"It is. Those bastards finally got what they deserved." Lee looked at his wife thoughtfully. He could tell she wasn't really happy about this. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She let out a small sigh. "It's just ... doesn't it feel wrong to you? Using the same methods as those ... those monsters?"

"So what? You're saying we're monsters now too? Ali, they're trying to kill all of us. They bombed our homes, killed billions of people ... I don't feel guilty for shooting them when they can't shoot back. That's a good thing." Lee said, feeling a bit angry. Why was she having a problem with this?

"Of course it's a good thing. Just forget what I said." She smiled at him again. "I'm glad you're back safe."

"Yeah ..." He got up again and went over to Nia's bed. She was already sleeping peacefully.

His good mood was gone. Why couldn't she just be happy with him for once? Every time he felt good about beating the Cylons – which didn't happen that often anyway – she found a way to ruin that.

"Lee ..."

He shook his head. "Just forget it." He waved her off and wanted to drop the subject. There was no use in arguing about this.

He let out a frustrated sigh. Maybe that was the problem. He was angry at Alicia but instead of talking about it with her, he pushed the feeling away. He always did that. He hated fighting with her, no matter about what, so he swallowed down whatever was bothering him. He could tell she was doing the same. He knew there were some unspoken problems between them, but so far neither of them had ever addressed them. Maybe it was time they did.

He turned back to Alicia. She had gotten up from the bed and stood hesitantly in the middle of the room.

"Ali, we need to talk about this. About us. Something isn't right. If ... if something bothers you, if you're mad at me, just tell me. What ever it is, we need to talk about it." He said quietly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Alicia responded in a hoarse voice.

Lee could tell she was lying. He had known Alicia long enough to know that she would never talk about it if she didn't want to. So he had to push her into talking. He started with the first thing that came to his mind. "I know you were upset when I just left with Roslin. I didn't say a word and then all of a sudden I'm gone."

"Lee, no ... You had to do that, I know that." Alicia said, suddenly feeling weak. She never wanted to talk about that time again. She was afraid what she might say if she talked about that time with Lee ever again.

"Just leaving a letter wasn't enough, I know that. I should have said something, anything ..."

"Lee, it's okay. You couldn't have known I wouldn't find the letter right away. You..." She stopped, realizing what she had just said. Oh gods, why had she said that?

"What do you mean, you didn't find it? I thought ..." Confused Lee looked at his wife. He had left the letter with her pills. She should have found it shortly after he had gone.

"I ... I didn't ..." Helplessly Alicia stood before Lee, feeling a wave of despair spread though her. She didn't want to lie to him anymore, but she couldn't tell him the truth either. Or could she?

"When did you find the letter, Ali?" Lee asked, cutting into her thoughts.

In a trembling voice, Alicia replied. "A week later."

"A week?" Lee called out shocked.

Tears started to fall down Alicia's face. She couldn't keep it from him any longer. "Lee, I'm sorry. I ... I should have told you before. I ..."

"What?" Lee urged her to go on. He felt utterly helpless seeing his wife crying in front of him. What had happened here when he had been gone? Why hadn't she found the letter?

"I didn't take my pills ..."

"Gods Ali ..." Lee groaned. He felt anger well up in him. How could she have not taken her pills? She knew what that was doing to her. How could she ...

"I was pregnant." She whispered.

Lee felt as if the air was knocked out of him. Pregnant? "Wh-what?"

Trembling Alicia looked at him. "Lee, I'm sorry. I tried ... I really did ..."

Hundreds of different thoughts went through Lee's mind. She had been pregnant. And now she wasn't. Gods, she had lost the baby. She had lost the baby and he hadn't been there to help her through that. He had just disappeared and she had never known why. She had to lose the baby, their baby, to find out why he had left. Gods, it was no wonder she was angry at him. He had let her down. He could feel the tears well up in his own eyes. "Ali, I'm so sorry." He walked to her and slung his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. "I should have been there for you."

"What?" With confused, wide eyes Alicia looked up at him.

"Losing the baby like that must have been awful for you. I wish ... I wish I had been there for you." He swallowed down the tears and he hated that his voice was trembling. He needed to be strong for her now.

Alicia couldn't believe what she was hearing. She wanted to tell him that he was wrong. That he had misunderstood ... but instead she broke down in his arms. She wanted to tell him that it hadn't been his fault, that it had only been her own weakness, like so many times before. She wanted to tell him all that but the words wouldn't leave her mouth. And while she broke down in front of him, crying and sobbing, Lee held her tightly to him, telling her how sorry he was, that he would never leave her like that again, that he loved her. And she could hear the guilt in his voice, she felt his pain but she didn't say anything to make it go away. She just let him hold her and cried until she had no tears left.

XXXXXXX

When Lee and Alicia attended the small christening ceremony for Chief Tyrol's new viper, a stealth ship they called the Blackbird, they both still felt awkward. Lee had thought that talking about their problems would solve whatever was standing between them, but somehow it had only made things worse. Alicia seemed to be further away from him than ever before. He looked at her as she stood next to him, watching Tyrol proudly showing the President his new ship. Alicia stood close to him, but she made sure not to touch him. It had been like that since they had pulled out of their embrace yesterday. The rift between them had only gotten bigger instead of smaller.

He jerked out of his thoughts when everyone around him started clapping. Frak, he had missed Roslin's speech. Taking a deep breath, he tried to concentrate on the rest of the ceremony. After all, his people deserved that much. They had put a lot of hard work into the Blackbird. He had never thought it would fly, but after the test flight this morning he had to admit they had created an amazing ship.

When Roslin started passing around a champagne bottle after christening the Blackbird with the name "Laura", a name Lee found very fitting, he put on his best smile and clapped with everyone else. He thought about going to Roslin and exchanging a few words with her. He hadn't seen her in a while. But when his eyes fell on Alicia, he noticed how exhausted she looked. She had hardly slept last night.

"You want to go home?" He asked her quietly.

She gave him a small smile that never reached her eyes. "That sounds good."

TBC

**A.N.: A big thank you to Laurie for beta reading this chapter. And thanks to everyone who has written a review for this story. I was very proud to have reached the 100 with the last chapter :-) **


	26. Pegasus

Silently Alicia cleaned up Nia's toys while Lee slipped into his flight suit. Since Mathilda had picked up Nia a few minutes ago, neither of them had said a word. It's been like that for several days now ... as soon as they both were alone in the room, they fell silent, neither of them knowing what to say. At first Lee had tried to break the silence with casual talk about his work, but after getting only monosyllabic answers most of the time he had stopped doing so.

Lee had hoped that by talking about whatever was standing between them, he could save his marriage. Now it seemed it had only made things worse. And he had no idea how to fix it.

"Uhm, Dad has invited us for dinner tomorrow." Lee said quietly, finally breaking the silence between them.

"That's nice." Alicia replied, only looking at the toys she was still picking up from the floor.

"So you want to go?" Lee asked carefully.

"Of course." Alicia picked up a stuffed animal and put it back in Nia's bed.

"Okay, then I'll tell him we're coming."

"Okay."

Lee watched his wife a few moments before he opened the hatch. He willed her to look up at him, but she never did. Sighing he stepped out into the corridor and closed the hatch behind him.

Alicia slumped down on the floor when she heard the hatch close. Why was she doing this? She was punishing Lee for something that wasn't even his fault. She was the bad person here, but the way she was acting, she knew that Lee was still thinking he was doing something wrong. But as much as she wanted to go to him and put her arms around him and assure him that none of this was his fault, she just couldn't bring herself to do so. And she hated herself for that more with each passing day.

XXXXXXX

"You're awfully quiet today, Apollo." Kara said over the private channel they were using whenever they were on CAP.

"I just have a lot to think about." Lee replied and fell silent again. He had thought he would have looked forward to having a conversation with Kara ... after spending most of his free time either playing with his not even 2 year old, not very talkative daughter or sitting across from his wife in silence whenever Nia wasn't with them having a real conversation would have been nice. That's why he had changed Kara's and Kat's shift after all, so he could fly with her. But he couldn't stop thinking about what went wrong in his marriage. The day he had proposed to Alicia he had vowed not to make the same mistakes as his father. And here he was ... his marriage was falling apart and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Everything all right at home?" Kara inquired. She had been worried about Lee for some time now. His smile had stopped reaching his eyes and the circles under his eyes darkened with every day. Something wasn't right and she was determined to find out what that was.

"Yeah, everything's fine." Lee replied, his voice sounding more bitter than he had intended.

"Oh come on, Lee, you ..."

"Dradis contact!" Lee interrupted, feeling slightly relieved about the Cylons showing up at this point. The relief faded quickly though when he got more information on the screen. "Frak, that looks like a Basestar."

"Time to kick some Cylon ass." Kara grinned, looking forward to the coming battle. What better way was there to release some tension?

Lee shook his head and groaned slightly. A fight with the Cylons was the last thing he had been looking forward to ... although he had to admit that shooting some raiders out of the sky might help getting out some of his anger.

"Galactica, Apollo, I'm out on course to the base star, Starbuck alongside me. I estimate one minute 'til intercept." Lee reported.

"Roger that, Apollo. Be advised, alert fighters have launched and will take station on your six in three minutes." Lee hard Dualla's voice over the wireless.

"Okay, Starbuck, let's take a look at that thing." He said, turning his viper in the direction of the Basestar. He watched the Dradis closely and when he saw the Basestar launching its raiders his tension grew. He had a bad feeling about this.

Finally the Basestar came into view ... and to his own surprise Lee discovered that it wasn't a Basestar after all. And the small ships flying their way weren't raiders.

"Holy frak ..." Kara muttered over the wireless. "Apollo, you see that?"

"Yeah ..." With wide eyes Lee looked at the huge ship ahead of them. "Galactica, Apollo, you are not going to believe what I'm looking at out here. It's like a dream." Lee laughed. And for the first time in weeks his laughter came straight from his heart.

"It is a dream." He heard his father's voice through the comm. Apparently he had seen it too by now.

With a big smile, Lee and Kara flew by the ship, their eyes locking on the inscription on its side: Battlestar Pegasus. They had found more survivors ... and just like that the Galactica wasn't the only protection for their ragtag fleet anymore.

XXXXXXX

A short while later Lee and Kara stood at attention on Galactica's flight deck, waiting for the hatch of the Pegasus' raptor to open. Lee still couldn't believe that after all this time they still had found more survivors. And not just any survivors, but one of the most powerful Battlestars in the colonial fleet. He had stopped thinking a long time ago that they would ever get that lucky again.

Finally the hatch opened and Admiral Cain and her men stepped onboard the Galactica. Cain looked exactly as Lee had imagined her. She had a cold and determined look in her eyes ... with her in command Lee wasn't surprised they had survived for so long.

"Admiral Cain, welcome aboard the Galactica."

Lee watched how his father greeted the Admiral ... he couldn't help but feel proud at the sight of his father. Lee knew even though he would never admit it, his father had been disappointed that he had never been promoted to Admiral. And here he was, the last remaining Battlestar Commander and thousands of survivors behind him. Smiling Lee thought that if anyone deserved this honor, it was his father. Of course he would never say that out loud.

He watched how Cain took Adama's offered hand and he had to hide a chuckle at her expression when she was introduced to the President. Laura Roslin was obviously one of the last people Cain had expected to be the new President of the Colonies.

After greeting Roslin, Cain turned to the assembled crew of Galactica.

"On behalf of the Officers and the Crew of the Pegasus it's a pleasure to see all of you. Welcome back to the Colonial fleet."

While everyone started cheering and clapping, Kara bent over to Lee. "That woman has nerves. Welcoming us back to the fleet? Who's the one with all the ships following them around?" She said grinning.

Before Lee could reply, they were approached by the Pegasus's pilots and everyone started to introduce themselves. They started talking, exchanging information about what had happened to them since the attacks. While the Pegasus's pilots was eager to tell them about every single mission they had flown since the initial attacks, Lee and Kara only told the most important facts ... leaving out Kara's return to Caprica, Lee's mutiny and their time on Kobol. They had both silently agreed that those weren't the best stories to make a good first impression with.

"That your viper over there?" Lee asked, pointing at a foreign viper standing a few feet away.

"Yes, a Mark VII. The best." A pilot with the call sign Whiplash replied proudly. They walked up to the viper and Kara inspected it more closely, noticing a long line of raider images along the hull.

"Is this a scorecard? You guys put scorecards on the side of your ships?" She asked with a raised eyebrow, hardly able to hide the mocking in her voice.

"Like you don't keep score." Racetrack teased her. She and Helo had joined them a few minutes earlier.

"You don't see me painting them on the side like I'm bragging to the whole frakking universe." Kara snorted.

"Hey, that's 48 kills right there." Whiplash called out with a proud grin.

"Special. Do you have caps and t-shirts too?" Kara asked mockingly.

Whiplash looked offended and when Helo couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud, he got even angrier.

"Where's the Galactica's CAG?" A deep voice interrupted them. They all turned around to see Captain Taylor, CAG of the Pegasus, standing next to them.

"Right here." Lee raised his hand. He had followed the last part of the conversation quietly. There was something about the Pegasus crew that started to worry him. They were different from the people of Galactica ... harder, more distant from each other. During the last three months he had started to think of Galactica's crew as a family ... like his father had done for years. That kind of closeness seemed to be lacking on Pegasus.

Taylor motioned for him to talk to him privately and together they walked a few steps away from the others. Lee was curious what Taylor wanted.

"Let's hear the run-down on this squadron of yours, Captain. I see you don't keep track of your kills. You should start ... encourages morale, gets competition going, esprit de corps." Taylor told him.

"Well, that's one philosophy." Lee replied, doing his best to hide his disgust at that kind of thinking. It didn't surprise him though ... it fit with the impression he got from the people of Pegasus so far.

"It's Admiral Cain's philosophy. That means it's your philosophy now, Captain." Taylor said, making it sound more like an order than anything else.

Lee had to use all his willpower to not smack that guy in the face. "The name of my Commander is Adama, which should be pretty easy to remember, because it's my name as well."

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind, Daddy's boy. Let's see your ordnance lists."

Lee stared at the other man. He couldn't believe he had just said that. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself ... but the urge to punch that guy only grew with every breath.

"Come on, let's go, Lee. The Chief needs you for something." Kara had suddenly appeared next to him and started dragging him away from Taylor.

Lee cast a last spiteful glance at the other man before he turned away from him.

"What a jerk. Don't even listen to him." Kara muttered as she led him away.

Lee took another few deep breaths and tried to regain his composure. He would be damned if he would let this guy get to him. "What did the Chief want?"

Kara rolled her eyes at him. "Gods Lee, use your head. I was just trying to get you away from that idiot before you did some stupid Starbuck move."

Lee raised his eyebrow. "A stupid Starbuck move? At least you admit they're stupid." He said grinning.

Kara's only response was a punch to his arm. She had to smile though when she saw Lee laughing at this. She had made him forget about his anger towards Taylor ... mission accomplished, she thought grinning.

XXXXXXX

When Lee got back to his quarters that day, he wasn't in the best mood, but at least thanks to Kara he wasn't downright angry anymore. He was determined not to let Taylor get to him... they weren't even working on the same ship, why should he care what that moron was thinking.

He wished it would be that easy with his other problem. As soon as he opened the door to his quarters, his eyes fell on Alicia ... and he got the distinct feeling that the distance between them only seemed to have grown since he had left this morning.

"Hey." He said quietly when he stepped inside.

"Hey." She gave him a forced smile and then went back to dressing Nia.

Lee bit his lip when he saw Nia wearing her best dress. Frak, he should have told her earlier ... "Ali, about the dinner ..."

He saw her shoulders sagging down and he just knew that she knew what he was about to say. It wasn't the first time. "Something came up. You probably heard already ... we found another Battlestar. The Pegasus."

Alicia didn't look up at him, instead she just started undressing Nia again.

"Mommy?" Nia looked curious at her mother.

"We're staying home, sweetheart. We will visit your grandpa another time. You can get into your pajamas already." Alicia told her quietly. She managed to put up a smile for her daughter ... Nia was too young to see the pain in her mother's eyes.

Lee watched her silently at first, until it got too much. "Aren't you going to say anything?" He asked, the anger suddenly welling up in him again. Gods, just a few weeks ago she had been so furious at the change in dinner plans that she had made his father pay badly for it. And now ... she showed no reaction at all.

"What's there to say? It's not the first time your father had to cancel and it surely won't be the last time." Alicia replied, sounding more bitter than she had intended.

Lee bit his lip. She was using the same argument he had when he had still been a kid … waiting for his father to show up for his or Zak's birthday or Solstice or just on the day he promised to come but never did. Only he had been a child then and his father … well, had been _his_ father and she was acting ridiculous. It wasn't as if he had done anything wrong. It wasn't his fault the Pegasus had shown up today … and she was a grown up person. She should understand that his father might be a bit too busy right now to attend a family dinner. And to hell with it … why was it his fault his father had cancelled most of the family dinners they were planning?

And he hated the way she was acting lately.

And just as he was about to burst it all out, ignoring the presence of his daughter, something else he had vowed never to do, he saw Alicia looking at him and there was so much pain in her eyes, it broke his heart. He felt the same pain inside of himself and seeing her like this, he wanted nothing more than to be close to her. He walked the few steps towards her and knelt down next to her, taking her hand in his.

"Ali, we can't go on like this." His voice cracked as he said the words. He knew how they sounded and he didn't mean it like this. He couldn't mean it like this because that would mean he had already given up on his marriage.

He watched the tears brimming in his wife's eyes and listened to her heavy breathing. She was trying to stay calm while at the same time she seemed to be breaking down in front of him.

"I don't want to lose you." She whispered, her voice trembling.

"Neither do I." Lee said helplessly. He looked at his daughter who stared at her parents in confusion. He had to make this work and if it was only for Nia's sake. "You wanna play a bit with your doll before going to bed, pumpkin?" He forced his voice to sound light. The last thing he wanted was to scare his daughter.

"With you?" Nia asked hopefully.

"I just need to talk with Mommy now, but I'll come play with you after that, okay? You're gonna wait in your bed for me?"

Nia nodded quickly and stumbled to her feet. Lee watched her walking to her bed and crawl inside, immediately grabbing her favorite doll and starting to play with her.

Well, that had been the easy part. He turned back to his wife.

She looked at him with the same pained expression then before. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." Lee admitted helplessly, shrugging his shoulders. And he really didn't know. The more he thought about it, the less he could come up with a solution to fix this. For the first time in years, he wished he had grown up in a normal, working family … to have some role model how it was supposed to be and how you could prevent everything from falling apart.

Trembling Alicia watched her husband. She could practically see the thoughts running through his mind. She knew he was trying to come up with something to solve this. He always did. But he couldn't fix this. Because he wasn't the one causing this. She was. If she could just stop lying, talk openly with him about everything, then things would get better between them again.

But she couldn't. She couldn't tell him because if she did she would lose him. But if she didn't tell him, then this would only get worse. Lee would keep blaming himself for something that wasn't his fault. And it didn't matter how often she told him that he did nothing wrong, because he was Lee and he would always feel responsible. He would blame himself for leaving her, for not letting her know where he was going, for just leaving the letter. He would blame himself until she told him otherwise. But even then, knowing Lee, he would still blame himself. And her. He would hate her for what she had done, for not being strong enough and he would hate her for not telling him. And she would lose him.

Her mind was running in circles and she knew so was his. There didn't seem to be a way out.

"Just hold me." She whispered, allowing the tears to run freely now. If she could just be close to him, then maybe ... maybe this would all go away again some day.

And with an expression that mirrored her own pain and despair Lee slung his arms around her and held her tightly to him. But even with being this close to him, Alicia could feel them drifting more and more apart.

XXXXXXX

A few days later the first joy of meeting the Pegasus had ebbed away. The Galactica pilots were unnerved by the pilots of Pegasus showing off in their newer vipers. And the deckhands kept complaining about Pegasus crew intervening in their work. Of course everyone was grateful for the extra supplies they were getting from Pegasus … but they didn't like to be treated as second class.

And it wasn't just the crew who had this problem.

"Pegasus has been re-supplying Galactica from its own reserve, for military operations." Adama told Roslin as they were talking in one of their weekly meetings. He had listened to her complains about Pegasus for quiet a while now.

"Which I completely support, but when will some of these supplies start getting out to the fleet?" Roslin inquired, not willing to let go of this topic. She had been trying to get further recourses for the civilians, but so far Cain refused to even listening to her.

Adama suppressed a sigh. That's why he had agreed on a shared leadership with Roslin … he didn't want to worry too much about the Civilians. That was her job. But with Pegasus' appearance that seemed to have changed. "Well, Admiral Cain has assured me that those supplies are on their way."

"Well, at least she's taking your phone calls. I can't even get her to answer mine." Roslin said frustrated.

"I'll bring it to her attention." Adama replied quietly.

Roslin noticed how exhausted he looked and she realized that his couldn't be easy for him as well. "How are you doing with all this?" She asked in a soft voice.

Again Adama suppressed a sigh. He had been waiting for her to ask this since Cain had showed up. "She outranks me. It's as simple as that." He stated.

Roslin gave him a small, understanding smile. "You know, if President Adar had stepped off that raptor, I'd be elated, grateful to have someone take over. And yet..."

"I don't go to the "and yet" part." Adama interrupted her. "I've been taking orders my entire career. This is no different." It was as simple as that. Only that for the most part of his career, he hadn't been responsible for all of humanity. He didn't have to worry about sending his son to his death and leaving his wife and daughter without him. He didn't have to worry about the question what he would do if his commanding officer made a decision he disagreed with. Because for the most part of his career, following the wrong order wouldn't have meant the end of humanity. For the most part of his career just taking orders had been enough. It wasn't anymore.

"Well, then, Commander, thank you." Roslin smiled at him warmly. "We would appreciate all the help you can give us."

"You shall receive it." Adama replied, a small, almost invisible smile on his lips now. There was hardly anything at this point he would deny her.

XXXXXXX

The next day Adama sat in his office, waiting for his son and Kara Thrace to report to him. He had asked them to meet him here after their CAP. That had left him with four hours of trying to find out how he was going to break this news to them. He still hadn't come up with something. No matter how he would put it, they wouldn't like it.

His conversation with Cain earlier the day still ran through his head. Could he have said anything to change this?

_Cain looked at him sternly. "Which leads me to the next subject, Commander. I'm going to integrate the crews. And I'm starting by reassigning Captain Adama to the Pegasus air wing."_

"_I have a team that works very well together." He replied._

He should have said something else. Something that would haven proven to her how important Lee was for the Galactica. How important it was for him to have Lee on his ship.

"_Let's just cut through it, shall we?" Cain went on coldly. "After reviewing your logs, it is my judgment that having your son as Galactica's CAG has been a grave mistake. He's been "insubordinate, even mutinous", and these are direct quotes from your logs, by the way. And I dare say he's not the only one with disciplinary problems. There's a Kara Thrace who "habitually strikes fellow officers and disobeys orders". This Lieutenant Agathon has "fraternized with and evidently impregnated an enemy agent". Let's not even discuss your XO. So... there is a complete list of the transfers."_

_Adama refused to take a look at the paper she handed him. "I thought you said you had no desire to interfere with my command."_

Why hadn't he explained his people's reasons for their way of acting? In the end, all their actions had been justified. When he had written those reports, he had still been full of anger. He had felt betrayed. He didn't feel that way anymore. Why hadn't he thought of changing the reports afterwards? Why had he written them in the first place? For whom? There had been no one left to read them. But there was now …

"_I'm saving your command, Bill. You're way too close to these officers, and it's blinding you to their weaknesses and to the damage that they're doing to unit cohesion and to morale."_

"_I don't agree."_

_"Well, that is certainly your right. You have your orders." And just like that she dismissed him._

And just like that he had given up. He had taken his orders. He hadn't said anything else to change her mind. He probably couldn't have, no matter what he had said. But he hadn't even really tried. And now he would have to tell his son that he would have to leave this ship. His ship. Would Lee believe him that he didn't want this? That it hadn't been his idea? He had just gotten his son back.

He didn't want to lose him so soon again.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. With a heavy heart he watched Lee and Kara step into his quarters. They came to a stop right in front of his desk, standing at attention and saluting him.

"Commander."

"At ease." He mumbled, shifting through the files on his desk. He couldn't get himself to look into their eyes. He felt as if he was betraying them.

"You wanted to see us, Commander?" Lee said quietly after a few moments of silence.

Finally Adama looked up and met his son's eyes. A thought struck him that he hadn't dared to think about before. What if Lee would be happy about the transfer? Happy to finally get away from him? That thought sent a stabbing pain through his heart… he and Lee had come so far in their relationship. Had it all been for nothing? Would he lose his son again just because Cain needed to prove that she was in charge?

He shook his head slightly. He was thinking nonsense and he knew it. However Lee would feel about this, he wouldn't lose him. He would still be able to see him whenever he wanted to.

"Cain decided to integrate the crews. You two are being transferred to Pegasus."

"Transfer to Pegasus?" Lee asked, his eyes wide in surprise. He didn't look happy about it, Adama noticed, feeling slightly relieved.

"Why the frak should we do that?" Kara called out angry.

"Because those are your orders." Adama said dryly, knowing at the same time how hollow that statement sounded, even to him. He remembered a time when those words had meant everything to him.

"We can't just let her come over here and frak up our entire roster on the eve of a major Cylon operation …"

"That's a load of crap! She's just trying to frak with the "G", because their CAG has a stick up his ass …"

Lee and Kara had started yelling at the same time, both obviously very angry about the decision and neither of them willing to leave Galactica. It meant the world to Adama that they were both eager to stay, that Lee didn't want to leave, but he couldn't say that out loud. He couldn't show them how he felt about this because as much as he wanted to, he couldn't change these orders. Cain was his commanding officer and he wouldn't go up against her. He couldn't. And he wouldn't let the two people who meant the most to him get themselves into trouble by disobeying this order.

"That's enough! You're officers. Act like it." He barked. "She's given you an order. You will carry it out."

"Permission to speak freely?" Kara asked, the anger clearly audible in her voice.

"You may not." He gave them his best Adama glare, hoping they wouldn't press the matter any longer and do what they were told because that was the only way he felt he could protect them. He thought about his next words and when he found the right way to say them he felt like letting down his son all over again. But he knew that, even if Kara wouldn't, Lee would listen to these words, he would understand them and he would live up to them. Because the military way had been drilled into him since he was a child. And for the first time Adama hated himself for raising his children like warriors. "We've all gotten used to bending the rules, having our way, letting things slide. Well, that's over. You wear the uniform; you will accept the rules that go with it. You've been transferred. Pack your gear and report to the Pegasus CAG."

He turned his attention back to his papers, unable to look at them any longer because he was afraid that if he did they would see right through him. They would see the lies in his eyes, they would realize that he didn't want them to go and if they knew that then no Admiral in the world would make them leave this ship … at least not willingly. And he didn't want to be responsible for anything happen to them in the process.

And he couldn't bear to see the look in his son's eyes. He was falling for every word he was saying, believing in them, believing in him. No matter how much Lee hated these orders, he would follow them. Because he had raised him that way.

Kara shot one last angry look in Adama's direction before she turned to storm out of his office … she was practically fuming with anger.

"Starbuck." He stopped her. "Watch out for yourself. I think they're gunning for you both."

Kara threw him one last look, which said more than any words could have. She understood what he was saying ... watch out for herself, watch out for his son, make sure they both stayed alive over there. She shook her head. How could he just go along with this?

When the hatch closed behind her, Lee stayed behind a moment longer. He cast a sad look at his father. "I think they're gunning for all of us." He said quietly.

Adama swallowed. For a moment he considered telling his son to screw these orders. To just ignore them, resign, do anything but to go to that ship. But he knew he couldn't ask this of his son and he knew Lee would never do it.

At this moment he wanted nothing more than to tell Lee that this hadn't been his idea, that he didn't want this. He wanted to assure his son how much he had enjoyed working with him every day for the past three months. But he wasn't good in this kind of talking, never had been, so he didn't say anything of it.

"What do you want to do with Nia and Alicia?"

Lee swallowed. He had already asked himself the same question. "You think Cain would allow them on the Pegasus?"

"They are your family. And under the circumstances …" Adama's voice trailed off. He didn't really feel comfortable about sending them to the Pegasus. Whatever might be going on over there, Lee would be able to take care of himself. But he wasn't so sure about Alicia and Nia wasn't even two years old yet. "I don't like it."

"Neither do I." Lee admitted. He hated saying it but he didn't want Alicia nor Nia anywhere near the Pegasus. Not because he didn't want to be close to them, but simply because he didn't think they would be safe there.

"They can stay here if you want." Adama offered, seeing the distress in his son's eyes.

Lee nodded. That would be the best. But he could already imagine Alicia's reaction to this. If she would show any reaction at all. She hadn't shared her feelings very much lately … suddenly the weight of the past few weeks seem to crash on him and for a moment he thought he couldn't breathe anymore. Helplessly he looked at his father. "Dad, when did you know your marriage was over?"

He had no idea why he had asked this. He had never discussed his marriage with his father. He never thought he would have to.

Adama looked at his son in surprise. He felt completely taken aback by his question. "Are you having problems?" He asked before he could think about it. He cursed himself. This was the first time Lee had come to him with his personal problems and instead of handling this the sensible way, he just blurted out the first question that came to his mind.

Lee flinched visibly. He hadn't admitted this to anyone yet, not even to himself. Not really, anyway. "Yeah, we have. Since Kobol. Or maybe even before that, but it's gotten worse after I got back. She …" He swallowed. He stumbled over his next words ... saying them would make it real. "She had a miscarriage while I was away." He whispered.

"Gods, Lee ..." Adama didn't know what to say. He thought back to the time Lee had been gone. He had hardly seen Alicia during that time. He hadn't even bothered to check on them, he had been too busy with being angry at the whole world. He had let Lee down ... again. "I'm sorry."

Lee clenched his hands into fists to stop them from trembling. He hadn't thought it was possible, but he knew he was close to a breakdown in front of his father and for the first time in his life he didn't mind. His father had been at this point, if he would understand anything, that it would be this. "I don't know what to do, Dad." He said quietly in a shaky voice.

XXXXXXX

In the end, Lee hadn't broken down. As much as he had yearned for his father to take care of his problems, after a short moment of weakness he had managed to regain his composure and instead of asking his father for more advice, he had done what he always did. Shut his father out and deal with his own problems.

Now that he was standing in front of his quarters, he was starting to doubt if this had been the right decision. He had been standing here for several minutes now, trying to find the right words to break this news to his wife. She would hate him for this, that much he knew.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the hatch and stepped into his quarters.

"Hey."

"Hey." Alicia replied without looking up from the book she was reading.

Lee was relieved to notice that Nia was still with Mathilda. "We need to talk."

Alicia flinched visible at his words. So far talking hadn't brought them anywhere. She didn't think it would be any different this time.

Lee straightened and braced himself for what he knew would come. "I'm transferring to the Pegasus."

Alicia froze. "Wh-what?"

"It wasn't my idea. Believe me, I'd rather stay here. But Cain ordered the transfer so there isn't really much I can do." Lee explained, hoping she would believe him.

Alicia took some deep breaths, trying to comprehend what he was saying and forcing down the panic she felt well up inside of her. "What about us? Nia and me? Where ..." She stopped, unable to finish her question. She wasn't even sure she wanted to hear the answer to it.

Lee swallowed. "I ... I think it would be best ... if you stay here. At least for now."

She nodded, clasping the book in her hands tightly to stop them from shaking. "Okay."

"Ali, I ... I think this would be good for us. It would just be for a little while. We ... Pegasus isn't like Galactica, it's not the right place for Nia. And you have your work here, your friends, I don't want to take that away from you."

"So you're taking away my husband? You think that is better?" Alicia asked, both bitterness and fear audible in her voice.

"No, that's not what this is about. Ali ..." Sighing Lee closed his eyes for a moment and sagged down on the nearest chair. "I'm not leaving you. But I really thing this would help us ... it would only be for a few weeks. As soon as I know how things are on Pegasus, you two can follow ... if you want to."

"Of course I want to." Alicia called out determinedly.

"Good. Then ... then this will only be temporary. And I will come over as often as I can." Lee promised, feeling slightly better. This was probably the longest conversation with Alicia he had in a long time. He took that as a good sign that this had been the right decision. Now he only needed to say goodbye to his daughter. The mere thought tore his heart apart.

XXXXXXX

The next day Lee and Kara were already members of the Pegasus crew ... at least officially. So far all the other pilots had shown them the cold shoulder. Neither of them could remember ever having such a hard time getting integrated into a new crew. But Lee was determined not to let that bother him. He would swallow up everything the pilots would throw at him until they accepted them. And in the mean time he would do his best to keep Kara out of trouble.

Right now they were attending their very first briefing on the Pegasus. It felt weird for Lee to suddenly sit among the pilots again instead of standing in front of them, giving instructions. He did his best though not to let it show. He would just sit back, listen to his new CAG and follow his orders. Enjoy not having to worry about everything. Although he already knew he couldn't do that.

"This is a photo recon mission." Taylor was telling them from up front. "We are interested in one Cylon ship in particular which is larger than anything we've encountered before. Analysis to date suggests they will be in this star system next. We will hide behind this moon which has an abnormally large magneto tail and will mask our dradis signatures. We'll power down, hide near the surface, wait for the fleet to pass by. Starbuck? You have something to add?"

Taylor glared at Kara who had just whispered her very own opinion about this mission to Lee. Lee tried to hide his grin. He had learned the hard way never to ask Kara whether she had something to add. She always had.

"Your plan sucks." Kara told him straightforward, meeting Taylor's glare without a flinch.

"You're a heartbeat away from being in hack on your first day." Taylor hissed.

"I like hack." Kara shrugged. She wouldn't be intimidated by this guy.

"That's good to know." Taylor replied with a smile that Lee knew didn't mean anything good. He shook his head. It was just like Kara to make the CAG her enemy on their very first day.

"And the Cylons aren't stupid." Kara went on. "That moon's a blind spot. They'll never go near it. You really want to get close? You got to use the stealth ship we constructed aboard Galactica."

"The homemade tin can?" Whiplash called out grinning. His comment was followed by a short laughter from some of the pilots.

"That's enough." Taylor barked. "Starbuck, you're off this mission. Whiplash, Thumper get your optical gear ready. Apollo, you'll pilot the Raptor with me. Your jacket says you're qualified in one. Remember how to fly it?" He smirked.

"Yes, Sir." Lee replied, his all too familiar mask now revealing no emotion at all.

"Good." Taylor was slightly disappointed for not getting the reaction from Lee he had hoped for. But he would get lots of new chances. "Dismissed."

Lee and Kara followed the other pilots outside and Lee dragged her away from the others as soon as they were out of the briefing room.

"They expect us to take this lying down? Now you're flying a frakking Raptor. It's humiliating." Kara hissed angrily. She had to use all her willpower during the briefing not to throw herself at Taylor for the way he was treating Lee. Her anger faded slightly though when she saw a small grin appear on Lee's face. She wasn't even too surprised when she saw him pulling out a camera from a small bag he had brought to the briefing. She had already wondered what it had been for ... Of course Lee had already come up with a plan of his own.

"Is that a surveillance package?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Go get the blackbird. Take some pretty pictures of our Cylon ship." Lee told her quietly.

A wide grin spread on Kara's face. That was her Lee ... always a little bit smarter than the average CAG. "Copy that."

XXXXXXX

Lee hadn't thought that things could get even more messed up as they already were but shortly before he boarded the raptor for the mission, he learned that Tyrol and Helo had been arrested for murder of a Pegasus officer and were now already sitting in Pegasus's brig. He didn't know the details, only that somehow Sharon had been involved in this and after the rumors he had heard about the Cylon prisoner on board the Pegasus, he could imagine what had happened.

The more he learned about this crew, the more convinced he was that leaving Alicia and Nia on the Galactica had been the right decision. Something was very wrong on this ship and he didn't want them anywhere near here.

"Check me on these jump coordinates." Taylor's words pulled him out of his thoughts. From the tone of his voice this wasn't the first time he had said them.

"Sorry. Jump coordinates verified." Lee replied, suppressing a sigh. He had forgotten how boring flying a raptor was compared to a viper. And he wasn't even allowed to pilot this damn ship, Taylor was. He was just playing ECO.

"You seem a little distracted Captain. Something I should know about?" His new CAG mocked him.

Gods, he hated that guy.

"Two of my friends just got arrested and charged with treason." Lee replied, trying to stay calm. It was getting less and less easy to do so though.

"I suggest you file that under 'not your problem.'" Taylor snapped. "We have a recon mission to perform. I need your head in the game."

"Right." Lee pressed out. His thoughts went to Kara. He hoped she had managed to get the blackbird undetected and was already on her way.

"Pegasus, blue team, jump coordinates set and verified. Ready to FTL. We will jump on my mark ... mark."

Shortly after Lee and Taylor had jumped away from the fleet, both Pegasus and Galactica launched their alert fighters, sending them against each other. After she had arrested two of his men and sentencing them to death, Adama finally wasn't willing to follow Cain's orders anymore.

TBC

**A.N.: Thanks a lot to Laurie for beta reading :) **


	27. Resurrection Ship Part 1

Lee had sat next to Stinger in silence for the last 50 minutes. He had expected to feel anxious being stuck in a raptor with nothing else to do than wait for the Cylons to pass by ... which Lee knew they wouldn't do, at least not close enough.

But much to his own surprise he didn't feel anxious at all. Instead he had felt a wave of relief wash over him the moment they had jumped away from the fleet. For the first time in months he literally had nothing to do, nothing to worry about.

This wasn't his mission, it was Stingers. He was just expected to sit next to him and follow orders. He didn't have to worry about disappointing his father should anything go wrong. He didn't have to feel guilty because he was away from Nia and Alicia because really … there wasn't anything he could do about that from here. He didn't need to feel guilty because he hadn't checked on ... no, because he hadn't _called_ Alicia to see how she was doing. He couldn't do that from here either.

All he could do was sit here next to a man who couldn't think any less of him while at the same time knew nothing about him. Not that there were many people left that knew much about him anyway.

His own father knew only bits and pieces of the life Lee had lived the last few years. And Alicia … he once thought she knew all about him as much as he knew all about her, but the last few weeks had proved that wrong. If they'd really known each other that well, they wouldn't have drifted apart the way they had. They would have found a way to get past whatever was between them. But they hadn't.

That only left Kara. Before seeing her again three months ago, doing push-ups in the brig, a sight he was used to so much by now, he hadn't talked to her for two years. He hadn't told her that he had gotten married or that he had become a father. He hadn't told her about Alicia's disease or his fears right after Nia had been born. He hadn't told her any of the things that had been most important to him during those two years, but somehow, every time he was with her, he had the feeling his soul lay bare before her and he didn't have to say anything at all because Kara already knew every little part about him.

The only problem was, that maybe he and Kara had gotten a little bit too close for their own good.

He had tried not to think about it, to act as if it had never happened … but he had kissed her. Right in front of the eyes of the _President_ of all people. And even though he was grateful Roslin had never said anything, he had seen the looks she had thrown at him and Kara every now and then.

And then there was their time on Kobol. They had woken up every frakking morning closely entangled. And he had no idea how that had happened. He had made sure to leave a small distance between him and Kara before falling asleep, but somehow she had ended up in his arms and lying half on top of him during the night after all.

He had again tried to keep some form of distance between them after their return to Galactica. He had spend most of his spare time with his family and tried to keep his relationship with Kara mostly business. But of course that hadn't worked as planned as well and the more estranged he had gotten with Alicia, the closer he found himself being with Kara. And the feelings for her he thought he had left behind long ago came back to the surface and he had a hard time ignoring them.

Sleeping with her in one room now that they were on Pegasus and he wasn't the CAG anymore, meaning he had no right for private quarters, wasn't really helping either. The last night he had to use all his willpower not to stare at her while she changed out of her clothes. Or when he had accidentally ran into her in the head right after she came out of the shower.

Staying away from Kara never had been easy, but now it seemed downright impossible.

"Your file says you have your family onboard the Galactica."

Stinger's words pulled Lee out of his thoughts.

"Huh? Uhm … yeah. They were on Galactica for the decommissioning ceremony and still on their way back to Caprica when the attacks happened." Lee replied, unable to hide his surprise that Stinger was showing any interest in his private life.

"You're lucky."

"Yeah." Lee nodded. He was lucky. He still had his family. He had every reason to be happy. So why wasn't he? "What about your family?"

Lee regretted the question the second the words left his mouth. Nowadays, there was usually just one kind of answer to that question.

"They were on Picon."

No mention of the ship they had escaped with or were living on now. Always the same kind of answer.

"I'm sorry."

Always the same kind of reply. It wasn't enough. It never was. But what else was there to say?

They fell back into silence again and Lee found himself staring back outside with nothing else to do but enjoying the view. He felt himself losing in the sight, the stars ahead of him ... spreading out into eternity. A wave of calm spread through him and for a moment he wished he could stay here forever. Just watching the stars, no worries, no duties, no expectations, no fights ... just calm and peace.

But then the Cylons appeared in his field of vision ... too far away to see any of the details they had been hoping for, but close enough to remind Lee that in his life there was no room for calm and peace. Not anymore anyway … or maybe there never had been.

"Frak!" Stinger spat out and for a moment Lee felt actually sorry for the guy. It had been his plan and Lee was glad that he wouldn't have to be the one to explain to Cain why it hadn't worked.

But if his own plan worked out, Stinger wouldn't have to explain anything and he and Kara wouldn't be held responsible for taking the Blackbird without authorization. Because if it worked out, then they would have the pictures they had come here for and no one would ask where they came from.

"Let's go back. We have all we need." Stinger told him and Lee wondered if his CAG just tried to keep up the facade, not willing to lose his face in front of the younger man he despised so much, or if he just tried to convince himself to believe his own words.

They had nothing. They had sat here for over an hour and all they had accomplished was getting a few pictures of a Cylon fleet too far away to see anything but blurry shapes.

XXXXXXX

When Lee and Stinger returned to the fleet, Lee couldn't believe his eyes. Right in front of him he saw Galactica's and Pegasus' vipers flying against each other ... and it didn't look like a training mission.

"What the frak ..." He mumbled, staring at the sight ahead of him.

"Stinger, Pegasus. You are ordered to relieve Captain Adama of duty and aid an attack mission on Galactica." The voice of the Pegasus' comm officer was heard over the wireless.

Lee let out a small sigh. This had to be some kind of bad joke. He hadn't even been gone for much more than an hour and in that short time Cain and his father had managed to declare war on each other.

"Your weapon, Captain. You're relieved." Stinger said sternly, not wasting any time and pointing his own gun at Lee.

Lee shook his head slightly and handed his weapon to Stinger. "Permission to go aft."

"Granted." Stinger replied, his gun still pointed at Lee, but his eyes already on the battle in front of them again. Apparently he didn't think Lee could do any more harm without his weapon.

Well, Lee didn't plan to do any harm ... but he wouldn't just sit back and do nothing as well. He took his seat at the ECO station and started typing a message on the keyboard ... he had to reach Kara. With her help he should be able to stop this insanity before it got out of hand.

"Come on, Starbuck. Tell me you're out there somewhere." He muttered to himself, his voice almost inaudible. It felt like an eternity until he received an answer from her.

"_Starbuck here. What the hell is going on?"_

A small smile appeared on Lee's lips and he quickly typed his answer.

"_Send your recon material to Galactica and Pegasus. Let's remind them who's the enemy here and that we're supposed to be allies."_

After that he could only wait. When the Blackbird was eventually spotted, he only gave a smug reply to Stinger when he demanded to know what the stealth ship was doing out there. He didn't really think the man needed an answer anyway.

After Kara had sent her recon material to both Battlestars, Adama and Cain formed a truce and called back their vipers. Lee and Kara were ordered back to Pegasus where Stinger told them to hold themselves ready until he called for them. After taking a shower and changing into their uniforms, they found themselves in the rec room, waiting again.

It seemed to Lee that he was doing a lot of waiting these days.

"So, what do you think is gonna happen now?" Kara asked after waiting for something to happen for ten minutes ... she had started pacing the room after the first five minutes so Lee was actually impressed that she had waited so long to start talking.

"Rumor mill says she killed her XO for disobeying her order. I guess we're lucky we only went against her _CAG's_ orders ... 20 years in the brig maybe?" Lee smirked.

Kara scoffed. "Rumor mill already doesn't work properly on Galactica ... I take it it's not any different on Pegasus, so I think we're safe." She let herself fall down on the chair next to Lee and sat still for maybe another five minutes before she started pacing again.

"Maybe we'll get kicked out of the military." She smirked a few moments later.

"Might be a good thing." Lee replied dryly.

"Oh come on, you'd die without flying." Kara laughed, but silently she wondered if getting out of the military really was what Lee truly wanted. She remembered him saying something stupid like that once ... but that had been a long time ago ... before they had stopped talking, when Zak had still been alive and their homes hadn't been nuked by the Cylons.

"_You_ would die without flying, I on the other hand could handle a normal life very easily."

"Who wants normal?" Kara shivered just thinking about it. "And what would you do anyway?"

"Open a bar maybe."

His answer came so quickly that Kara couldn't help but wonder for how long he might have been thinking about this before. "A bar, huh?"

"Sounds like fun."

"Well, if you do that, consider myself to be your first regular customer."

"I'll hold you to it." Lee laughed but it didn't come from the heart and Kara wondered what had happened to Lee that had changed him so much. Sure, there were lots of reasons for him to be depressed. He still wasn't over his brother's death, his wife had this stupid mental disease and was acting all weird lately. He couldn't be with his daughter at the moment. And then there was this whole thing with the holocaust and them being on the run from the Cylons.

But Lee had coped with all these things for three months now and with some of them even longer. So why was it affecting him now?

Or maybe she was just imagining things. When she looked at Lee again, he looked like his normal self again ... a bit tired maybe, but after the recent events that was understandable. Nothing to worry about.

They fell silent again and Kara continued pacing the room in silence … but not for very long.

"Maybe we'll get promoted." She said grinning and Lee was impressed that she had actually managed to stay quiet for almost 10 minutes.

"Yeah right."

"We did get the pictures Cain wanted." Kara pointed out.

Lee wanted to reply that there was no way they would get promoted for disobeying orders, not even on the Galactica - where Kara was clearly the Commander's - _his father's -_ favorite pilot - and especially not on the Pegasus where Cain was leading the strictest regime Lee had ever served under. But before the words could leave his mouth, Stinger stepped into the room and ordered Kara to follow him.

"Well, if you were right, Apollo, I'll see you in the afterlife." Kara grinned, referring to his remark about Cain killing her XO.

Lee shook his head but couldn't hide a grin at her words. Even if Cain wouldn't punish them for their actions, he was sure Kara would find a way to be send to the brig … or get shot in the process.

XXXXXXX

Lee waited more or less patiently for Kara to return … or for Stinger to call him to go to Cain. Whoever came first.

He thought about what he had seen on his return to the fleet and wondered what Cain and his father would have done if they hadn't shown up in time. Would they have started firing at each other? Lee didn't doubt that his father would have been willing to go that far to get his men back, but would Cain have let it come to that point? Or would she have given in, made a compromise? He wished he'd knew her better. The little he did know about her made him believe that she wouldn't have given in … and that made him worry about the fleet's future. If the two highest ranking military officers were willing to go at war with each other, it didn't look good for the civilian ships.

He wished he could believe that eventually they would come to a mutual agreement … but he wasn't that naïve.

Eventually Kara returned again and Lee was grateful that he could stop thinking about Cain and his father for now. He hated to think about problems and not being able to find a solution to fix them. And lately there were just too many problems in his life that he couldn't fix.

Kara lingered hesitantly in the doorframe for a few minutes which immediately worried Lee because Kara usually wasn't hesitant at all.

"So, she didn't shoot you." He stated, hoping their normal banter would help her relax.

"Nope." Kara slowly started walking inside the room and sat down on a chair next to Lee's.

He waited for her to say anything else and when she didn't he decided to urge her to go on. "So? What did she say?"

"Huh … uhm … you're not going to believe it." Kara said quietly, not looking at Lee.

"Well, you're not in the brig either … so what? A demotion?"

"You're back to being a Lieutenant." She choked out and she seemed to sink down even more in her chair. She still wasn't looking at him.

"I can live with that. What about you?"

Kara took some deep breaths before she finally looked up at him. "I'm a Captain."

Lee had to use all his willpower to not let his jaw drop at her words, but his eyes widened immensely in surprise. "Really."

That was pretty much all he was able to say right now.

"And she made me CAG."

All the willpower in the worlds couldn't have stopped Lee's jaw from dropping now. "R-really." He swallowed and took a deep breath. How come that every time he went against orders he ended up losing something … or _everything_ … and Kara ended up getting rewarded?

But that wasn't really fair of course. She had done an amazing job out there… and she deserved this.

"Congratulations." He said and hoped it sounded like he actually meant it … which he did, of course.

"I'm sorry."

"No need to." Lee forced himself to smile.

"It's not fair."

"Life never is."

"I only followed your orders. It was your idea." Kara looked at him helplessly, a guilty expression in her eyes.

"Exactly. She can't very well promote me for going against her orders. And since you were only following mine …" He shrugged. "You did a great job out there, Kara. Not everyone could have gotten those pictures, not even with the Blackbird. You deserve the promotion."

"I don't want to be CAG."

"Sure you do. Now you can order everyone around, including me. I know you'll love that." Lee laughed and if his laughter sounded a bit forced, he didn't put too much thought to that. He was glad for Kara, of course he was. She was an amazing pilot, she deserved to be CAG. This was a good thing. Also, now he didn't need to worry about Stinger sending her into hack.

"I hate paperwork."

"There's a downside to everything." Lee smirked. "You'll get used to it."

Kara stayed quiet for a moment and stared nervously at her hands. After a few minutes she looked up again. "You're not angry?"

"At you? No, of course not."

"So we're okay?"

"Yeah, we're okay." He smiled at her and this time it was a 100 percent honest smile … because there was no way he would let a small fact like Kara being his CAG now ruin their friendship.

Kara looked at him grateful, relieved they had cleared that.

"She wants to send a team back to Caprica. Rescue the survivors and eventually win the colonies back." Kara told him after a moment of silence, the excitement about Cain's plans clearly audible in her voice.

"Really." Lee said with a raised eyebrow. He was starting to feel stupid because he couldn't come up with anything smarter to say to Kara ... but really, winning the colonies back?

"You don't think it's a good idea?" Kara looked at him questioningly.

"The colonies are lost, Kara." Lee replied quietly.

"There are still survivors."

_Sam is still alive._

Kara looked down at her hands and realized that up until this day she had hardly thought about Sam anymore. Of course she hadn't completely forgotten about him, but after neither Adama nor Roslin had agreed to a rescue mission back to Caprica, she had somehow accepted that she would never see him again.

But Cain had given her hope back ... if Sam was still alive, she would find him and bring him here. She would save him just like she had promised.

Lee didn't say anything to that anymore and neither did Kara. They sat in silence until a few pilots stepped into the room and Kara challenged them to a round of triad. What better way to got to know her new pilots than by winning their stakes?

And it would distract her from all the complications life kept throwing at her.

XXXXXXX

The next day Lee found himself strolling through the ship, not really sure what to do. He wasn't used to this much spare time. No paperwork, no CAG duties, no shifts in CIC … no family to visit …

He shook off that last thought, not really wanting to think of Alicia and Nia right now. He still hadn't managed to call them yet. Every time he did try to get a call through, the lines were too busy. Yeah right … he was pretty sure that Cain had given the order to not let him call Galactica … she probably didn't want him to get in touch with his father, which he could understand, but she could have at least let him call his wife.

He missed her. And he missed Nia.

He had spend a few hours in the gym to work off his frustration … not having to do paperwork anymore was one thing, but to get demoted back to Lieutenant bothered him more than he was willing to admit. And Kara was now his commanding officer. That really was something he hadn't even dreamed of in his worst nightmares.

"What a day, huh?"

Startled Lee looked up from the bench … he had been lifting weights for the last 10 minutes … and saw Stinger sitting on the bench next to him.

"Yes, full of surprises." Lee smirked and focused back on his weights.

"You need a hand?" Stinger asked.

"No, I'm good."

"It's not right, how things turned out." Stinger went on and Lee flinched slightly because really … a conversation with Stinger was not something he had been looking forward to.

"What things?" He asked nevertheless because even though he didn't really like the other man, he also felt sorry for the guy. After all, he hadn't just been demoted, he had lost his CAG position too and Lee knew from experience how that made you feel.

"Starbuck's getting promoted and you're back to Lieutenant."

"Not to mention she has your job now." Lee added and bit his lip. He hadn't really meant to say that out loud.

"Yeah, that too."

They fell silent again and Lee finished pressing his weights. After a few minutes he got up and grabbed his towel.

"You can always ask for a transfer to Galactica. I hear they're looking for a new CAG." Lee smirked and silently wondered if his father had already found a replacement for him. It hadn't taken him very long the last time Lee had been gone.

"I don't think Cain would go along with that." Stinger stated dryly.

"Probably not."

When Stinger didn't say anything else, Lee turned to leave.

"That was one hell of a plan."

Lee turned back to Stinger again and looked at him questioningly.

"Sending Starbuck out in the Blackbird. I should have gone along with that."

Lee looked at him for a moment and then shrugged. There really was no use thinking about that anymore. What's done was done.

"Next time you're CAG, just remember this day."

Stinger only snorted in reply. His chances of becoming CAG again really weren't that good considering that there were only two Battlestars left.

XXXXXXX

After his conversation with Stinger and a short visit to the brig to see after Tyrol and Helo, Lee decided to look after Kara. She was probably already covered with work from her new position and he still remembered how he had felt that first day when he had come to his office and had seen all the waiting reports on his desk. He had thought he would drown in all the work … and the fact that he had had to fight the Cylons every 33 minutes at the time hadn't really been very helpful either.

At least Kara had at least 48 hours before she would have to get back into the cockpit again.

"A CAG's work is never done." Lee smiled when he stepped into her office. _Her office_ … that felt as wrong as it sounded.

"Hi." Kara looked up, relief showing in her eyes which was immediately replaced by guilt. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, you mean apart from being, uh, demoted? Finding myself working for one of my pilots? Great. Never better." Lee smirked, sounding only slightly bitter. He had actually meant to sound a bit more teasing.

"You know I had nothing to do with that, right?"

"Never thought you did." Lee assured her. "I, uh, just checked in on Helo and Tyrol. They're hanging tight for now."

He looked at her intently, all ready to start planning out his next prison break to free their friends ... if Cain ever did throw him out of the military, he could start a new career with that.

"Good." Kara nodded and then exhaled deeply. "Help me plan this op. I've been staring at this roster …"

"You wanna just carry on? As if nothing's happened?" Lee cut in, surprised that she hadn't already came up with at least three different plans of how to free Tyrol and Helo.

"Lee, she's in command, what do you want to do? There's nothing we can do."

She's helping me to save Sam.

Kara looked at him pleadingly, willing him to understand without having to say the words out loud. This was too important to screw up ... and she had a responsibility now. To Cain, to her pilots ... she couldn't just give that all up because she didn't agree with all of Cain's decisions.

Lee shook his head slightly … somehow the roles had been completely turned around. Kara was following orders and he was the one suggesting to go against them. That was not right on so many different levels.

So what did he want to do? Free Tyrol and Helo from the brig? Well, he already had some experience in that department, but if he was honest with himself that wouldn't be the wisest move. Resign? Get Alicia and Nia and live happily with them on one of the civilian ships? They were in the middle of a war, that wasn't really an option either.

So what did he want to do?

"Show me the roster." He finally said, holding out his hand for Kara to give him the papers. He didn't really know anymore what he wanted and since he didn't have anything else to do … he might as well help her.

XXXXXXX

In the end, Lee did not only help Kara with the roster, but with the mission planning as well. On top of that Kara had convinced him … or better ordered him to attend to the mission planning. And she had pointed out that this way he would have a chance to talk with this father.

That was worth attending a _boring meeting with the commanding frak weasels_, as she had pointed out nicely. Lee had only shook his head and had followed her ... silently eager to see his father again, not because he had missed him, of course not, but because he would finally get some news about his wife and daughter.

So here they were, standing in the War Room with Cain, Garner, Tigh and his father … sharing their plan with the others.

"Our primary objective is a vessel named Resurrection by the Cylons. It's guarded by two Basestars which have been following us throughout this sector." Kara began and Lee immediately went on where she left off.

"Our plan, simply put, is to let them find us. We will wait in this system here and appear to be conducting mining operations."

"When the Cylons launch the raiders, Galactica and most of the civilians will jump away. A small group of civilians will be left behind."

"To the Cylons, they'll appear to be having trouble with their FTL drives and attempting to escape at sub-light speed."

"The Cylon raiders pursue the civilian decoys pulling the raiders as far away from the Cylon Basestar as they can."

"Once the raiders have been drawn off by the decoys, Galactica and Pegasus will jump in and attack the base stars while I jump in - in the Blackbird stealth fighter - and take out the FTL drives on the Resurrection ship, preventing it from jumping away."

They both stopped, taking a deep breath and looked at their commanding officers. It was a good plan, they knew that. And they both remembered the last time they had planned a big op like this together, it had been a big success. Only then Lee had been the CAG and Kara the Lieutenant, but that wasn't really important now, was it?

There was no reason this mission wouldn't be as successful.

"Why not have the stealth ship carry nukes and destroy it right at the start?" Tigh asked in his usual gruff voice. He still couldn't believe that Starbuck of all people was CAG now … he was just glad she wasn't Galactica's CAG. There wasn't enough ambrosia left in the fleet for him to survive daily morning meetings with her.

"We ran simulations on that." Kara explained. "We determined that the Cylons would detect the nuclear warheads and destroy the stealth ship before it got within weapons range. When the FTL is destroyed, Galactica and Pegasus will take on the Basestars and our attack squadrons will go after the Resurrection ship itself."

"How many squadrons?" Tigh asked again, not liking that he couldn't find a single flaw in Starbuck's plan.

"All of 'em." Kara replied and she noticed the frown on the Commander's face. Great, so not only Tigh doubted her, but Adama as well?

Adama was looking now long and intently at the Admiral, his expression unreadable. Kara straightened her back and took a deep breath. She had been prepared to fight Tigh and Cain over the plan, but she had been pretty confident that Adama would agree with her from the start. He usually did. She cast a look at Lee who stood calmly next to her … bearing the same unreadable expression as his father. Damn the sturdy Adama mask. Couldn't he at least look a little bit worried? Just for her sake? It would be a lot easier not to worry alone.

"Is there a problem, Commander?" Cain finally asked, not longer willing to find herself at the receiving end of Adama's glare.

"I need time to study the operational details."

Hearing Adama's reply, Kara suddenly knew that his frown hadn't been connected with her plan after all. He _never_ needed to see operational details … they had given him all the details necessary to decide whether this was a good plan or not.

So why was he frowning?

"Suit yourself. I've gone over the details and I'm satisfied." Cain replied coldly and Kara suddenly realized that Cain had approved of her plan. _Their_ plan, she reminded herself. Hers and Lee's … that's why they were both here and not just she alone. But still … this was her first mission planning as CAG and her commanding officer had accepted it without doubt.

She could be proud of herself.

"I want your CAG to stay and help me. Answer some of my questions." Adama said and Kara noticed surprised that he hadn't asked for Lee. Didn't he want to talk with his son? They had both been off the Galactica for two days now … surely he would take this chance to talk to him.

"One hour, Thrace." Cain said and turned to leave the room.

"Yes, Sir."

And that was it. Cain and the others stepped out of the room ... only Lee staying behind, standing unsure next to her, looking at his father. His mask had fallen and she could see hundreds of questions in his eyes ... about his father, his family, this mission ... so many questions but Adama wasn't willing to give any answers right now.

"Stay focused, son." He said and Lee's shoulders sagged down only a little bit, but Kara noticed it anyway. He nodded and followed the others out, leaving her alone with Adama. She cast a regretful glance at Lee ... not that she minded having a private chat with the Old Man … but couldn't he have at least ask for Lee to stay? He was his _son_. Didn't he want to know how he was doing? And didn't he see the questions in his eyes? Didn't he miss him?

The answer to all these questions was probably yes, he did know all this and he did miss him, but the stupid Adama pride forbid to show any private feelings on the job. Kara scoffed and Adama looked at her with a raised eyebrow. She opened her mouth to ask after Alicia and Nia … Lee surely would appreciate to hear something from them and her asking might at the very least make Adama feel a little guilty because she had to ask the question his son should have been able to ask … but Adama started talking before she could even form the right question in her mind.

"I have a mission for you, Kara."

"Anything for you, you know that." She replied and wondered what other mission than destroying the Resurrection Ship Adama could have for her.

Look out for his son? Sure, yeah, because that had worked so great with his other son. So probably not …

"Don't accept too quickly." Adama cut into her thoughts. "You won't like this one. I don't like it. But I've decided that it has to be done."

Spy on Cain? That sounded like something Adama would ask her to do. It was obvious he didn't trust the Admiral … and she didn't need to have witnessed the confrontation yesterday between the two Battlestars to know that. Spying on Cain was something she could do … she wouldn't like it, Adama was right there .. she had started to respect Cain but if the Old Man asked her to, she would do it.

"After the attack is completed and you've accounted for your pilots ..." _for Lee_,he added silently _"... _I want you to land your bird on the Pegasus to report directly to CIC." He hesitated a second before he went on. "You'll take Lee with you. He'll watch your back."

Kara looked at Adama. Why would she need Lee to watch her back when reporting to CIC? A bad feeling was starting to spread in her gut.

"There'll be the normal chaos emotional high after the attack. They'll keep their guard down."

Kara was trying to keep her breathing even but Adama's words made her feel nauseous. She didn't like where this was going.

"I will ask for you over the wireless. When you hear me say 'Downfall' …" Again Adama paused and he looked intently at Kara. "I want you to pull out your weapon ... and shoot Admiral Cain in the head."

Kara froze and stared at Adama. This couldn't be true. This wasn't happening. The Old Man had not just asked her to assassinate her commanding officer. She kept staring at her former Commander, waiting for him to continue, explain to her that maybe Cain was a Cylon and that they couldn't risk taking her out any other way. Or maybe taking back his words, saying that he had been confused and of course had meant to say something completely different. Although Adama never was confused and he never said anything he didn't mean.

But she waited for him to say something nevertheless … but he never did. He just stared right back at her.

"Anything for you, Sir." Kara choked out eventually and was surprised how steady her voice sounded.

When had assassination become part of her job description?

TBC

**A.N.: Thank you all for still reading and to everyone who left me feedback for this story. I'm truly sorry that it took me so long to update. Real life came in the way and on top of that I got stuck with the story. I'll try to get the next chapter done faster.**

**Thanks to Laurie for beta reading :) **


	28. Resurrection Ship Part 2

It feels like he is drowning. He never thought it would be like this. He closes his eyes and he can almost feel the water around him ... so cold, trying to pull him down.

He opens his eyes again and he can see the battle in the far distance, the explosions from destroyed vipers and raiders. His friends dying down there ... but he doesn't care. He would follow them soon enough. He can feel the air rushing out of his flight suit ... _the water surrounding him_.

His eyes flutter open again ... _he doesn't even remember closing them... _and he notices that he has trouble breathing. There isn't enough oxygen left. It can't be much longer now. Just another moment, a few more seconds ...

He tries to think of his family, his daughter. If he can just hold on to that ... but with his next breath there is no air to take in anymore. He feels his lungs burn as they try to get in the oxygen they're so desperately need ... and then the water closes around him and his world goes black.

XXXXXXX

24 hours earlier

Quietly Lee sat in the Raptor bringing him to the Galactica. It was the first time in days that he would get to see his family. He should feel excited about that. He missed them so much. He missed watching his daughter sleep, holding her in his arms, hearing her laugh. She was the only constant good thing in his life for the past two years and he missed her with all his heart. He also missed Alicia, but not that much. He hated to admit that, but the way things had been between them, it had actually been a relief to come back to his quarters at night and not having to worry about if they were going to fight or just sit together in silence until they fell asleep.

But despite that he should still be happy to see her. And Nia. But he wasn't.

The way things had changed recently, he hadn't thought they could get any worse. That was until Kara had asked to talk to him in private yesterday. That conversation still felt like a bad dream, a nightmare that he had woken up from and that just felt real, but wasn't.

Only it was. They really were going to do it. They would kill Cain ... on his father's order they would commit murder.

"_This is a frakked-up thing that I've been asked to do. But we kill people for a living. They say shoot, we shoot." _

_It was that easy for Kara. Kill Cylons, shoot raiders out of the sky, kill your commanding officer. _

"_So you're gonna do this?" He couldn't believe she was even considering this. _

"_Yeah, I'm gonna do it."_

"_Kara ..." He wanted to change her mind. Made her understand how wrong this was. But she didn't let him. _

"_I could use some backup. I'll understand if you can't."_

_He couldn't. Just walk into CIC and shoot Cain? What kind of person would that make him? How was he supposed to look at his daughter after that? _

_But how could he not help Kara? If he'd let her go in there alone, she might get killed herself. And that was even worse than becoming a murderer himself. _

"_You know better than that."_

"_Yeah, I guess so."_

_So this is what he was going to do. Help Kara, nothing else. He wasn't doing this to murder Cain. He was doing it to save Kara, to keep her alive. To help her out of trouble ... it's what he has always done. Kara trusted him to do that ... and he needed to keep it that way. _

_They both reached for their hands at the same time and he held hers tightly in his. _

"_People have to have this, Kara. Trust. Your word and my word. We don't have this, then we really are no different than the Cylons."_

_He couldn't lose her trust, her friendship ... her. Right now that was all he had left. _

"_Thank you."_

He turned to leave, but she didn't let go of his hand and then she pulled him into a tight embrace. And he couldn't turn away from that, so he hugged her back, holding her close. He never wanted to let go again ... and the way she was clinging to him she felt the same way.

Lee closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. He could still feel her in his arms ... for a moment he thought he could lose himself in that embrace but then he remembered what they had talked about.

They would kill Cain.

And his father - _his father - _had ordered it.

XXXXXXX

Restlessly Adama flipped through the papers in front of him. He couldn't really concentrate on what he was reading. His mind was continuously wandering to his conversation with Kara the other day. He had asked her to shoot Cain ... and he had told her to get Lee as back up.

And now Lee was on his way here. He hadn't announced his visit to the Galactica. Officially all Adama knew was that a courier from the Pegasus was on his way to him. But the ensign that had called him a few minutes ago to let him know about his visitor had slipped the name.

"_Cap ... Lt. Adama is on his way to you, Sir." _

_Lieutenant _... he would love to kill that woman himself if he had the chance to. How dare she demote his son! After all Lee had done for this fleet ... after everything he had achieved over the years, the hard work he had put into the job. And she just came along and took away his CAG position and his rank just because she held a grudge against his father.

Sighing, Adama fell back against his chair ... all those years he had claimed that having William Adama as their father didn't change anything for his sons. And within a few days Cain had proved him wrong. Lee would still be Galactica's CAG if it hadn't been for him. He would still be with his family.

He knew how hard it must be for Lee to be apart from his wife and daughter. Nia kept asking for her father every time he came and see them and Alicia was a mess. He hadn't seen much of her the last few days, but the seldom times he had he had seen how hard this was for her.

And now ... on top of all this he asked his son to kill his commanding officer. To commit murder ... Adama didn't see it as that, but he knew Lee would. He had this damn sense of right and wrong. Adama knew he would condemn his assassination plan ... but he would also go along with it. Not to follow his orders, but to keep Kara safe.

Adama knew his son well enough to know that he would do anything for Kara. He didn't really understand the relationship those two had ... the gods knew there couldn't be two people more different than Lee and Kara. Sometimes he wondered if maybe … but he didn't want to go there. Kara had been Zak's fiancée. She was nothing more than a friend for Lee, a very good friend and that was why Lee wouldn't let her walk into this situation alone. He wouldn't let her down – that's why Adama had wanted it to be him.

He startled when he heard the soft knock on the hatch. Lee was finally here ... he had tried for days to get a chance to see his son and now that he was standing right in front of his quarters, he wished he didn't need to talk to him. He dreaded the conversation that he knew was about to come.

Kara must have informed Lee of his plan by now.

"Come in." He said, his voice quite and steady as usual. It was one of the things he was proud of ... no matter how difficult a situation, he always managed to appear calm and unshakable on the outside.

A smile appeared on his lips when he saw Lee walking in. Gods, he had missed his son. When had he become so dependent on having him around every day? Lee had only been on Galactica for three months ... but it felt as if his being here had filled a hole Adama hadn't been aware was there up until Lee became a member of his crew. A hole he was aware of very much now that he was gone.

"Courier run from Pegasus, Sir." Lee saluted his father, interrupting his thoughts.

"They got you doing courier runs now, huh?" Adama asked casually, smiling at Lee. And hoping at the same time that maybe ... _somehow_ ... this would have to be nothing else but a father-son-reunion.

"Well, I ... I volunteered for this one." Lee replied, looking uncomfortably at the papers in his hands. "Kara told me about her, uh ... her mission."

Adama flinched inwardly. Lee didn't waste any time. "Come to change my mind?"

"Just wanted to hear it from you." Lee said quietly.

For a moment Adama thought about explaining his reasons for the _mission_. If Lee could understand why ... but at the same time he realized that Lee would never understand. There was just no way his son would see murder as a justified action. Hell, he hadn't even wanted to take out Tom Zarek when he had the chance.

"Decision's been made." He said quietly and he hoped that Lee would leave it at that.

But one look at his son told him that he wouldn't.

"Assassination. That's your decision. That's how you resolve your differences with your superior officers." Lee stared at his father incredulously.

The look in his son's eyes hurt. It was obvious Lee had a hard time believing what he was hearing ... but he didn't seem to be surprised. As if he expected something like this from his father.

That realization felt like a kick into the gut ... when had Lee come to expect him to order the assassination of another human being? Granted, it wasn't the first time ... Tom Zarek was the best example. But it wasn't like he came to these decisions lightheartedly.

He hated this as much as Lee and he searched for the right words to make him understand, to explain to him why there simply wasn't another choice. But he couldn't find the right words – _as usual when it came to his son_ – and instead he tried to give Lee a way out. If he didn't want to do this, he wouldn't make him.

"If you're gonna have some problem backing up Starbuck, I can find somebody else." Adama bit his lip. This didn't sound at all like he had meant it. He had practically accused his son to be a coward and this was so not what he had intended. He cursed his inability to find the right words when it came to his family. Always ... _always_ he managed to push them away when in truth he wanted nothing more than to protect them.

"It's not about me watching her back." Lee replied harshly, obviously hurt by his father's indication.

"I'm not going to debate this with you." Adama used his most authoritative voice to end this conversation. If he didn't, this would just result in another fight with his son and that was something he didn't want ... not when Lee would leave Galactica in a short while again to return to a ship whose Commander hated him and especially not when Lee was about to participate in a dangerous mission ... or better two dangerous missions – destroying the Resurrection Ship and killing Cain.

"This was a very hard decision. But I think the President's right. This is the best way to safeguard the fleet."

Lee visibly froze and seeing the expression in his eyes Adama wished he could take his words back. He knew that Lee looked up to the president, that he thought highly of her ... that he thought of her as a better person than his father. He had always hated that. He had wished that once, _just once_ Lee would pick his side, not Roslin's. Was that why he had revealed her involvement in this? To make Lee realize that she wasn't better than him?

"The president? So you ... you and the president ..." Lee stammered, staring at his father, shock and surprise evident in his eyes.

It was one of the seldom times that Lee allowed his father to see what he truly felt ... and Adama suddenly realized how immense Lee's believe in Roslin had been. How much he had needed to believe in her. And he had just taken that away from him.

"Yes. She's made of sterner stuff than people give her credit for." He said, his voice hard and his heart bleeding because he felt he had just taken away some more of Lee's innocence. He would never admit it, but he had always admired his son's belief in the better cause, his willingness to risk everything for that. And now he looked like he had just lost a part of that.

"Is this all I have to sign?" He said, somehow hoping that by changing the topic he could pretend the last few minutes didn't happen.

Lee looked at his father for a moment, a defeated expression in his eyes. "Uh, yes, Sir. Yes, sir. Thank you, Sir." His voice lacked any sign of emotion.

"Lieutenant." Adama smiled at his son. "It's good to see you."

He had finally said it, had said the words he had wanted to say the moment Lee stepped into his office. Only they came too late now.

Lee only smiled at his father in response ... a forced smile that never reached his eyes. He gave a half salute, then turned around and left, leaving Adama to stare at the now empty spot that Lee had vacated.

A sudden fear took grip of his heart ... what if this was the last time he had seen his son? What if ...

He closed his eyes and pulled his hands into fists. He tried to even his breathing. He couldn't think like this. This was just a mission like any other. Lee was one of the best pilots he knew. He would be fine.

XXXXXXX

Lee closed the hatch behind him and began to quickly walk away from his father's office. But after a few steps all his strength suddenly seemed to rush out of him and he leaned against the wall. He was breathing heavily and he felt sick ... his heart was beating so loud he thought the whole ship, the whole fleet had to hear it. And somehow the world around him suddenly started to spin.

He closed his eyes and tried to regain his composure. He needed to get his calm back before he went to see Alicia and Nia.

But he couldn't shake his father's words off. Roslin had ordered Cain's assassination. Laura Roslin ... not his father. The woman he had risked everything for. The last three months he had tried to uphold the system ... he had tried to _defend the articles_And he had believed so was Roslin.

Killing Cain ... ordering her death ... it went against everything he believed in. There was just no reason he could think of that would justify her assassination.

But assassinate her was exactly what he was about to do. And Roslin had ordered it.

He opened his eyes again and calmed his breathing. The world had stopped spinning, his heart had stopped racing. And Lee didn't know anymore what he was supposed to believe in.

XXXXXXX

Lee could hear his daughter crying when he was still several feet away from his quarters. A smile crept on his lips ... of course he wasn't happy Nia was crying, but it felt like the right welcoming. He was finally home.

His smile widened a bit and almost reached his eyes when he pulled the hatch open and stepped into the room.

"Hey, what's all the noise? I can hear you through the whole ship."

Hearing her father's voice, Nia immediately stilled. Alicia's head jerked up and she stared at her husband incredulously.

"Lee?"

"Daddy." Nia squirmed out of her mother's arms and stumbled to her father.

Lee knelt down, his arms reaching out to her. The second she fell into his arms, he pulled her into a tight embrace, taking in every little detail of his daughter ... was it possible she had changed so much in only a few days?

"What is all this crying about, pumpkin?" He asked quietly, gently wiping away her tears with his thumb.

"Hurt, Daddy." Nia choked out between sobs.

"She fell off the bed. I ... I just turned around for a second and she ... one moment she's sitting quietly on the blanket, playing with her doll, the next she's jumping around widely and ... and then she fell." Alicia spoke quickly, her voice slightly shaking and guilt shining in her eyes.

"Is that true?" Lee looked at his daughter with a raised eyebrow, trying to look firm. He failed miserably ... there were still tears rolling down her cheeks – there was just now way he could look at her any other way than with sympathy and love. "Where does it hurt, pumpkin?"

Nia sniffed and pointed at her knee.

"Here?" Lee gently stroked over her knee, then bent down and gave it a quick kiss. "Better now?"

Nia sniffed again and nodded slowly. "Miss me, Daddy?"

Lee's hearts swelled and for the first time in days his smile reached his eyes. Yes, he was home. "Every second, pumpkin." He pulled Nia in another hug and looked over at Alicia. "Every second." He mouthed.

Alicia got up from the floor and stood trembling in the middle of the room. She watched Lee with Nia ... how easy he had made her stop crying. She was already smiling again, her pain forgotten. Why hadn't she been able to do that? The last few days she had been trying everything to do the right thing with Nia, but somehow it had ended up being completely wrong. She couldn't remember a time when Nia had cried so often as during the last three days. Of course she missed her father; they had both gotten used to having him with them every day. But she still had her mother ... wasn't she enough?

_No, she wasn't. Because her mother couldn't even take care of herself. Because her mother killed her child._

"This isn't working, Lee."

Sighing Lee looked at her. "Ali ..."

He couldn't do this. Not now. He didn't want to fight anymore. That was not why he came here. He looked at her pleadingly, but she didn't notice any of it. She looked as lost as he felt.

"I can't do this." She pressed out, walking backwards, away from him, away from Nia, until her back hit the wall. "I can't do this, Lee. You have to take her with you."

"What?" Lee stared at her, not quite grasping what she was saying ... why she was saying it. "Ali, she just fell of the bed. It ... these things happen. She's a child. This won't be the last time she hurt herself. It wasn't your fault."

Alicia seemed to shrink against the wall even more. "It was ... it was, Lee. I didn't look. You don't know ... she is crying all the time. And I don't know how to make it better. If it weren't for Mathilda she probably wouldn't have stopped crying at all since you left. I ... you can't leave her with me, Lee. It's not safe."

Lee stared at her a moment longer, not knowing what to say. Then he turned to his daughter, absentmindedly grabbing one of her toys that lay on the floor nearby. "Can you play on your own for a moment, Nia?"

"No." Nia said stubbornly, pouting.

"You can play in one of the vipers later."

Her face lit up immediately.

Lee smiled at her warmly and ran his hand over her hair. "But only if you let me talk with Mommy for a few minutes, okay?"

"'kay." Nia nodded, taking the toy from Lee and went back to the bed.

Lee watched her climbing back onto the bed and with a small grin shook his head slightly. "And no hopping on the bed!"

Nia looked guiltily at him and quickly sat down.

Lee watched her a moment longer, then he turned back to Alicia. His smile faded when he saw her still standing pressed against the wall. Quietly he walked the few steps towards her.

"Ali, what's wrong?"

Alicia shook her head and if possible shrank back against the wall even more. "I did it all wrong. The last four days ... She fell from that bed already two days ago. She hit her head. I couldn't get her to stop crying. She just wouldn't stop, no matter what I did. Five minutes after you left she stumbled over one of her toys ... and she was crying for you. I ... I'm not enough. And I can't watch her. Lee, if you ...if you leave her with me, I ... I already killed our baby, I don't want to hurt her too ..." She froze, choking on her words. She hadn't wanted to say that. She had never wanted to say that. Not to Lee ... not now when he wasn't even really with her. With fear in her eyes she looked at him.

"What are you talking about, Ali? Nia is fine." Suddenly it dawned on Lee what she was talking about. Sighing he closed the last distance between them and put his arms around her shoulders. "Ali, you had a miscarriage. That wasn't your fault. With everything that was happening at the time ..."

Alicia shook her head and pulled out of his embrace. Trembling she stepped away from Lee. She didn't want to say it. But somehow she couldn't stop the words from leaving her mouth anymore. "No Lee, I ... I _killed_ our baby. It ... it was my decision."

As soon as she had spoken the words, the trembling stopped. She stood still and looked at Lee ... waiting for him so say something ... anything.

Lee stood as still, staring at Alicia. He was trying to understand what she had said. But it was too much ... after everything today it was just too much.

"I'm sorry." Alicia finally whispered, tears running down her cheeks.

Lee stayed silent. He just kept staring at her, frozen, unable to move or to say anything.

"Say something, Lee." She begged, fear clearly audible in her voice.

Lee finally stirred and slowly shook his head. "I ... you ... why?"

Alicia closed her eyes for a moment. _Why?_ She had been afraid of this one word since Lee had returned. For years she had tried to prove that she was more than just her disease. That she could cope ... with or without medication. With or without Lee.

But this one week without him, without her medication had proved her wrong ... she had been horrible to Nia, she had screamed at her still hurt father-in-law ... and she had killed their baby.

_Why?_

Because she couldn't cope. Not without Lee. And not without taking her medication.

"I'm sorry." She whispered again.

"Sorry? That's all you have to say?" Lee stared at her incredulously. "Damn, Ali, I was gone a week. A week! You couldn't have waited for me to come back? This was my decision too. You had no right ..." His voice broke and this time it was him who stepped away from her.

"I didn't know for how long you would be gone, Lee. I didn't even know where you were! And I couldn't ... I ..."

"How long did you think about this anyway?" Lee yelled at her. "A few days? How long did it take you to decide to kill _our_ baby?"

"You don't know how ..."

"Daddy?"

Both Alicia and Lee startled and looked at their daughter. She sat on the bed watching them with wide, scared eyes, her toy lying forgotten next to her on the bed. Lee cast a last glance at his wife, then he walked over to Nia, picked her up and left.

Still frozen Alicia watched the hatch close behind her family

XXXXXX

Lee kept his promise and let Nia sit in his viper. As always she forgot everything around her while sitting in the cockpit and playing pilot ... including her parents' fight she had witnessed. When Lee was convinced she would be all right, he brought her to Mathilda. He explained what happened ... in a short version ... and she agreed to take Nia until Alicia was feeling well enough to take care of her daughter again ... or until Lee found a way to take care of her himself.

Throughout this he tried not to think of everything he had learned today. He couldn't ... because thinking about it just hurt too much.

Feeling utterly exhausted he returned to Pegasus to prepare for the mission the next day.

XXXXXXX

"All resurrection strike squadrons, report to mission briefing in ready room four. Special marine detachments assigned to Galactica report to debarkation stations on starboard hangar deck immediately. Make ship ready for combat jump. Set condition one throughout the ship."

"Frak." Kara mumbled as she hurried through the corridors and listened to the announcement over the PA speaker. Her first mission briefing as CAG and she was late. She quickly walked through the corridor when her eyes fell on a familiar figure walking before her.

"You're late, Apollo. Be careful your CAG doesn't bust you." She called grinning. Nothing better to distract herself from what she was about to do than a little banter with Lee.

She saw him stopping and turning around. "I know my CAG is always late, so no need to worry."

"Lucky you." Kara replied, her grin fading when she saw the expression in Lee's eyes. He looked ... defeated. "You all right?"

"I'm fine."

Kara looked at him intently ... she knew Lee long enough to know that "I'm fine" usually meant the opposite. Hell, she had used that line often enough herself to get Lee to leave her alone. Only _he_ never had.

So she couldn't either.

"It's a difficult mission." She said quietly.

"Yes."

"We're doing the right thing."

A surprised look flashed through Lee's eyes, but he stayed quiet.

"If your father thinks that ..."

"Did you know it was Roslin's idea?" Lee cut in, an expression in his eyes that Kara couldn't quite interpret.

"No, I didn't."

"It was. It's her order."

"One more proof that this is right. Right? I mean if Roslin gave the order ..." She shrugged. "It can't be wrong then, right?"

"Right." Lee nodded slowly and Kara would have been convinced that he agreed if it weren't for this unreadable expression in his eyes. She usually always knew what was going on in that head of his, well, most of the time anyway ... but now she was completely clueless.

She thought she should say something ... anything to make that expression leave his eyes. She was his best friend, his CAG ... she should be able to find the right words.

And out of nowhere Cain's words from a conversation she had with her this morning came into her mind.

_"Let me tell you something. I've had to watch a lot of kids be put into body bags. They're covered with flags and they float out that airlock. You think I don't understand his feelings towards his men? Sometimes terrible things have to be done. Inevitably, each and every one of us will have to face a moment where we have to commit that horrible sin. And if we flinch in that moment, if we hesitate for one second, if we let our conscience get in the way, you know what happens? There are more kids in those body bags. More kids floating out that airlock. I don't know why... but I have a lot of faith in you. And I want you to promise me that when that moment comes you won't flinch. Do not flinch."_

Of course Cain didn't know, but with her words she had given Kara the courage to do what Adama had asked from her ... she would kill her. She wouldn't flinch.

"It's a tough decision, but it has to be done." She said quietly. "Because if we don't do this ... more people might die."

Lee just looked at her, then without saying anything he turned around and left. And Kara knew she hadn't said what Lee had needed to hear. But she also knew that he would be by her side when she walked into CIC today.

If he came back from the mission.

That thought sent shivers down her spine. It was the one thing she hated about this plan. Lee wouldn't be at her side when they attacked the Cylons. He would be all alone out there and should anything go wrong she wouldn't be there to make sure that he made it back in one piece.

But she couldn't think like that. She needed to concentrate on her part of this mission. Lee would be fine.

XXXXXXX

Lee watched the explosion on the Resurrection Ship behind him. He had done it. Their plan had worked. The FTL was destroyed. He gave his report over the wireless and a moment later heard Kara's voice through the comm.

"Roger that, Apollo ..."

He looked back one more time, just for a second as he listened to Kara's voice ... it really had been just a second but it was long enough for a part of a destroyed raider to collide with the blackbird.

"Frak!" Lee called out as he took in the damage of his ship. "Kripter, Kripter, Kripter. I've been hit. Ejecting."

And the next moment he was floating in space.

XXXXXXX

Adama watched the Dradis intently. Everything went according to plan. Lee had destroyed the Resurrection Ship's FTL. Of course he had ... there had been no doubt that Lee would succeed. A surge of pride spread through him ... only to be replaced by a wave of fear a second later.

"Sir, I just received an emergency transponder from the Blackbird. It's the auto-distress beacon." Dualla reported.

And Adama felt like his world just collapsed around him.

"Alert the Search and Rescue Raptor. See if he had time to eject." He choked out. He didn't know how, but on the outside he managed to remain calm. He had to ... they were in the middle of an attack. He couldn't let go of his calm now. It was the only thing that kept him going while he listened to Dualla's attempts to contact his son.

On the outside he remained calm, but on the inside he died a little bit more every time Dualla's calls were left unanswered.

XXXXXXX

Lee watched the battle below him ... so close and yet so far away. He felt oddly disconnected, like he was drowning. He was watching his friends dying down there, yet he didn't feel any grief. He just felt ... empty. There was just nothing left.

That scared him ... somehow. He knew he should feel something. And he tried to remember the good things.

He tried to concentrate on Nia ... her smile, her laughter, her little fingers that always clasped around his dog tags, her blue eyes that he had fallen in love with the first time she had opened her eyes.

And then his thoughts went to Alicia and her pregnancy, _their baby_ and the abortion. And from there they wandered to his father and Roslin and their decision – _her decision. _

And then he felt empty again. And tired ... he felt so damn tired.

He could hear Dualla calling for him over the comm. He should answer her ... but he didn't. Somehow he couldn't find the words. And then his eyes fell on his oxygen gage and he realized that he's almost out. Frantically he checked his suit and then he saw it ... there was a hole in his suit on his left leg. For a moment he just stared at it before his instincts kicked in and he put his finger over the hole, applying enough pressure to stop the oxygen from leaking out anymore.

He stared at the hole, listened to Dualla's voice over the comm and his eye wandered to the battle below him. He sees the explosions from destroyed vipers and raiders. His friends were dying down there ... but he didn't care. He would follow them soon enough.

That thought felt oddly peaceful. He wasn't scared. It would be so easy ... to just let go. He looked down at his finger applying pressure over the hole in his suite, keeping in the oxygen his body needed to survive.

He would only have to let go ... just lift his finger and it would be over. He could be at peace. He looked at the stars in front of him; not the battle below him, just the stars, spreading into eternity. So peaceful ...

He lifted his finger and watched the oxygen rush out. He could actually see it ... it looks oddly beautiful. Nia would love that sight.

Nia.

He struggled to take a breath and it was already so hard ... there was hardly anything left. When he couldn't breathe anymore, when he would die, then he would have let her down. He would have let his daughter down. He couldn't trust Alicia to take care of her. Nor his father. She would have no one. She would grow up alone ... knowing that her father had left her. And her mother too if Alicia's last action after thinking he had died was anything to go by.

Nia was the one good thing in his life and he couldn't do that to her.

Collecting the last strength he had left, he lifted his finger and put it back on the hole, keeping the oxygen in. But a look at the gage told him that it was already too late.

"I'm sorry."

It felt like he was drowning. He never thought it would be like this. He closed his eyes and he could almost feel the water around him ... so cold, trying to pull him down.

He opened his eyes again and he could see the battle in the far distance, the explosions from destroyed vipers and raiders. His friends were dying down there... but he didn't care. He would follow them soon enough. He could feel the air rushing out of his flight suit ..._the water surrounding him_.

His eyes fluttered open again ... _he didn't even remember closing them... _and he noticed that he had trouble breathing. There wasn't enough oxygen left. It couldn't be much longer now. Just another moment, a few more seconds...

He tried to think of his family, his daughter. If he could just hold on to that ... but with his next breath there was no air to take in anymore. He felt his lungs burn as they tried to get in the oxygen they so desperately needed ... and then the water closed around him and his world went black.

XXXXXXX

Slowly Lee's eyes opened and he blinked against the pain as he tried to adjust to the bright lights surrounding him. Confused he looked around himself ... and recognized the familiar environment of sickbay. Galactica's sickbay, he realized, as he saw Layne Ishay appearing in front of him.

He blinked a few more times and tried to remember why he was here ... and then it all came crashing back on him. The mission, his father's, _Roslin's_ order, his fight with Alicia, Kara ... gods, he needed to get to Kara. He was supposed to be her back up. He tried to sit up, only to be pushed back by gentle hands.

"Easy there, Captain. You still need to rest. Cottle's orders." Layne told him with a small smile. She knew that technically she shouldn't call him Captain anymore but she just couldn't get herself to acknowledge his demotion ... and she was sure that the Commander would reinstate him as Captain again soon enough anyway. So there was no need for her to get used to his lower rank.

"Kara ..." Lee mumbled. He wanted to say more, explain to her that he needed to be with Kara, but he couldn't find the strength to say anything else.

Layne frowned, then squeezed his hand shortly. "I'll let her know you woke up. Anything you want me to say to your wife?"

His wife? Lee stared at her for a moment, then slowly shook his head. He didn't want to talk to Alicia. Not now.

He closed his eyes again and slowly his mind cleared. He wasn't dead. He had somehow survived ... and now he had to confront all the things he had hoped to escape. That thought threatened to overwhelm him. He didn't want to confront any of it. He didn't even want to remember it. He just wanted to forget ...

He noticed Layne letting go of his hand and losing that connection felt like losing his anchor and he felt himself falling ... falling back into the darkness that appeared so much more appealing right now then the bright light around him. Giving in to the feeling he succumbed back into unconsciousness.

XXXXXXX

Lee had been lying awake for some time now, staring at the ceiling, but not really seeing anything. Seeing meant thinking about it and he was too tired to think about anything right now.

He felt her presence before he heard her. She lingered next to his bed a few minutes, before sitting down on his bed. He kept his eyes at the ceiling. He didn't want to face her. It was just too hard.

He had let her down. Of all people, he had let _her_ down. And the guilt over that weight even more than the pain for being alive.

He hadn't done anything to be at her side. To help her ... to keep her safe. He had let go and he hadn't even thought about her.

"Lee. Lee, you okay?"

He's startled to hear her voice. Somehow he hadn't expected her to talk. Talking seemed to be so hard ... yet she made it sound so easy. How could it be so easy for her to talk when he already struggled to get a clear thought?

"Are you okay?"

I'm fine.

The words were on his lips but he couldn't say them. He had let her down ... he couldn't lie to her know. Not to her.

"No. Not really." He whispered, his voice sounding strange to his ears. "I, um, I broke my word to you."

"What are you talking about?"

He could hear the surprise in her voice ... and he knew he had to explain his words to her even though saying anything felt so very hard. He had to force himself to even open his mouth, let alone let any words come out.

"I let you down. I wasn't there when you needed me."

She was quiet for a moment and he hoped she would leave it at that. He hoped she would leave him alone, let him go back to sleep. Just let him go...

"Look... a close call like that..."

He heard her struggling for the right words ... she always said so much more with her silence. He wished she would stay silent now. Then he could too.

But she found the words she wanted to say and she kept talking. And he was afraid that he wouldn't stay silent as well.

"... that would mess with anybody's head. All right? It turns out I didn't need you anyway. So ... let's just be glad that we both came back alive, all right?

She didn't need him ... of course she hadn't. She never really needed anyone. Was that why he hadn't thought about her?

She didn't need him, so it was safe sharing his secret with her. Saying it might make it better. Might make the feeling go away. She would punch those thoughts out of him.

"That's just it, Kara. I didn't want to make it back alive."

He had said it and Kara stayed silent. And he still wanted to go back to the darkness.

TBC

**A.N.: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. I'm truly grateful to all of you for sticking with me and this story :)**

**And a huge thank you to Laurie for beta reading this story :) **


	29. Epiphanies

_Thanks to Laurie for beta reading this chapter and to everyone else for sticking with this story despite the long delays in posting a new chapter. I'm really sorry it took me so long again to update ... real life and writer's block (AGAIN!!!) kept me from finishing this earlier._

* * *

With quick steps Kara walked through Galactica's corridors towards private quarters. She couldn't get there fast enough. She wanted to help Lee, be there for him, but she had realized that she simply wasn't enough. He had hardly looked at her during their conversation in sickbay. He hadn't even said much.

Except that he didn't want to come back.

Lee, of all people, had given up. Just like that. And she didn't even know why. Granted, the last few months had been tough. And the planned assassination of Cain had shaken him, she had seen that. It hadn't been easy for her either. And then there was the fact that she was pretty sure his marriage wasn't going too well lately. He hadn't said anything, but she had noticed how he had constantly spoken of Nia during their time on Pegasus, but hardly ever had mentioned his wife.

Not that she minded that … talking about Alicia reminded her of the fact that she couldn't have Lee because he was married. And that still hurt, more than she was willing to admit. And the fact that it still hurt made her feel guilty, because she shouldn't feel that way now anymore because she had Sam. Except that she didn't really have him because Sam was on Caprica, fighting the Cylons and waiting for her to come and rescue him … which she probably never would now that Cain was dead. And that increased her guilt even more, so much that she wanted to scream. But she couldn't, because she was Starbuck and Starbuck didn't scream …only at Nuggets of course, but never because she just felt desperate. She also didn't cry because she had just nearly lost her best friend … _the man she loved_ … and she didn't panic. Only she did panic now because Lee had given up and if he did, how should she go on then?

So she had to get the old Lee back, the one who never gave up hope, who always saw the light at the end of the tunnel and who always had the right solution to every problem … sometimes even before anyone was even aware that there was a problem.

And even now he had been the one to give her the solution she needed … not with words, because he hadn't really talked much, but while she had rambled on, talking about every little thing that came into her mind at the moment – which hadn't been much because all she really had been able to think of was that Lee hadn't wanted to come back alive – she had noticed the one thing he had reacted to … his daughter. She had babbled something about how happy he must be now that they were back on Galactica again, that she definitely was and that she looked forward to spending some time with Nia again … preferably at the same time as Lee did, but she hadn't said that. He had looked at her then and there was something in his eyes … and she had just known that the one person Lee needed right now was Nia. And so she would bring her to him.

After what felt like too long a time Kara finally reached the Adama's quarters and she knocked impatiently. She waited several moments, but the hatch didn't open. Letting out an exasperated sigh, she knocked again, louder this time and even more impatiently. Again she didn't get a response.

"Come on." Kara mumbled. Where was Alicia? She hadn't been in sickbay _… where she should have been, not that Kara had really minded her absence _… so where else could she be but in her quarters? Surely she hadn't left for the mess while her husband lay in sickbay after a near-death-experience.

She was just about to knock again when she heard steps behind her. When she turned around she saw Alicia walking towards her. She looked pale and exhausted … _just like Lee_. Her anger for the other woman dissipated slightly … the last few days hadn't been easy for Alicia either.

"Hi, uhm, I wanted to … where is Nia?" Kara stammered and mentally kicked herself. Why was it that every time she talked to Alicia alone she couldn't get out a clear sentence? It so wasn't like her to stammer.

"Why?" Alicia eyed her coldly.

"Lee wants to see her." Kara replied. She figured it wasn't really a lie. Even though Lee hadn't specifically asked to see his daughter, she knew he wanted to.

"She's not here." Alicia walked by Kara and opened the hatch.

"Well, where is she?" Kara asked, irritated by Alicia's behavior.

"With Mathilda." With that she closed the hatch in front of Kara, leaving her standing alone in the empty corridor.

"Great." Kara mumbled. "And where the hell are that woman's quarters?"

Not expecting to find an answer to that in the empty corridor, Kara knocked again at the hatch. Again she had to wait several moments before Alicia opened again.

"Where can I find Mathilda?"

"Down the corridor, last quarters."

Before Kara could reply anything, the hatch closed in front of her again.

"Well, thank you." She hissed and quickly walked down the corridor to get Nia.

XXXXXXX

Kara had hoped that reuniting Lee with his daughter would solve the problem … that it would bring _her_ Lee back. She should have known that it wouldn't be so easy. The second Lee had spotted his daughter a smile had spread across his face … but it had never reached his eyes. And it had disappeared the moment Mathilda had appeared to take Nia home.

Lee had followed her a few hours later … accompanied by Alicia who had finally found her way to sickbay to see after her husband. Kara couldn't understand her. She herself had hardly been able to wait to see Lee, to make sure he was all right … and she was only his best friend, at least officially. Alicia was _married_ to him. She lived with him every day, frak, she had even tried to kill herself when she had thought Lee had died. And now she didn't even bother to see him in sickbay?

Kara had known that something was wrong between Lee and Alicia, but she had had no idea that it was this bad. She had tried to talk to Lee about it … only about that, because even though she knew she should talk to him about his admission in sickbay, she couldn't get herself to bring it up again … but Lee had started avoiding her. She hardly ever saw him anymore other than during briefings or on the off chance that she would run into him in the corridors. Every time she tried to see him privately, he shut her off, making some excuse that he had to be somewhere else and that he would talk to her later. Only he never did.

And she could see he was still hurting. She could see in his eyes that "I didn't want to be back alive" was something he still felt. It was still something than ran though his mind and therefore it kept running through Kara's mind as well. Unable to do anything she had to stand by and watch Lee getting more and more lost every day … he was breaking apart and so was she.

Without Lee, _her Lee_, the one who stood by her side every frakking day since the attacks and even long before that, she didn't think she could do this anymore. Get up every morning, fight the Cylons, lose the pilots she had just taught how to fly yesterday … it was getting to her and without Lee to pull her up again, she was falling apart right there with him.

She didn't notice it … at first. So she was drinking a bit more than usual, staying up longer at nights to empty the bottle of ambrosia instead of just saving it for the next day - or anyone who would find it after her - and going to bed. She came late more often now to the morning briefings because for some reason she hadn't heard her alarm … she had been pretty sure it was broken, but after dissembling it and putting it back together and then having the Chief do it all over again just to make sure and still having found nothing wrong with it, she realized that she had simply been too out of it to hear the alarms ringing.

So she made up her mind to cut back with the drinking … she wasn't Tigh, it wasn't like she needed the ambrosia to survive … and she managed pretty well for one and a half day. But then she ran into Lee again, seeing him in the mess with his wife and daughter, smiling his half smile – the one that never reached his eyes anymore - at Nia, not talking at all with Alicia – who herself looked even more miserable than Kara had thought was possible – and overall looking so lost that it broke her heart. She had turned around then quickly, walked to the rec room and grabbed the next bottle of ambrosia she could get her hands on.

She had had every intention to only drink one glass, just one glass to drown the sorrow and pain and the feeling that she was losing everyone she cared for … Lee, Sam, _herself_.

But the one glass turned into several more and by the end of the night the bottle was empty and she ended up 20 minutes late … again … for her next CAP. And to make the day even better she had to endure Kat's attitude towards her … _that girl knew nothing about respect_ … and to top that she nearly got shot down when Kat's gun misfired and a piece of shrapnel of the explosion hit her canopy. Watching her canopy crack while she was in space was not something she would ever enjoy and she was more than relieved when she was safely back on Galactica.

But showing relief was just as impossible for Starbuck as showing fear or grief or panic … she just didn't do that. So instead she started shouting at the next best person as soon as she had left her viper.

"Why don't you just shoot us in the locker room, Chief? Save the wear and tear on the ships."

Chief Tyrol immediately tensed at the accusation … not that he wasn't used to pilots blaming everything on the deckhands, but when it came to his ability to keep the vipers - and the pilots – safe, he took that personal.

"Kat's guns are clean, I checked them myself." He objected immediately, not at all threatened by Kara's yelling. After more than two years he was used to that.

"Yeah, well I, don't believe in accidents." Kara snapped back … but she had visibly calmed by now. She trusted the Chief, more than she trusted herself when it came to vipers, and she knew that if he had checked the guns, then they had been all right when they had left. So what happened?

She let her eyes wander across the hangar bay, looking for Lee … he always, _always_ came when she started yelling at deckhands or nuggets or anyone who came across her way at the wrong time.

But he was nowhere to be seen.

"Chief. Something's not right." Cally's voice pulled Kara back to the problem at hand … Kat's damaged weapon's system and her almost viper crash. She watched how Cally handed two rounds to the Chief … they broke as soon as he started bending them.

"The weight's off, it's too light." Tyrol mumbled.

"I found three more just like it. Mixed in with the regular rounds." Cally told them.

Kara thought that this was exactly the kind of problem the CAG should know about.

"Casing's been weakened. Falls apart in the barrel. Next one hits it ... bang! She's lucky she didn't lose her whole wing. One bad round's a fluke. More than one, sabotage. Pull them all!" The Chief ordered.

"Alright you heard the Chief, lets pull them all! Go!" One of the deckhands called out.

"I'll inform Apollo." Kara offered quickly and left the hangar deck before anyone could stop her.

XXXXXXX

Kara didn't waste any time knocking on the hatch to Lee's office … she didn't want to give him the chance to come up with an excuse to get rid of her again. But when she stormed into his office, she had to discover that he didn't need to make up an excuse … he already had one.

Right there in front of her stood Lee and Alicia, staring at each other furiously … and the next second this fury was directed at Kara.

"Not now, Starbuck!" Lee snapped, dismissing her before she even had the chance to open her mouth.

But this was too important to wait and he would agree as soon as he had heard what had happened.

"Lee …"

"I said not now! You'll have to come back later." Lee interrupted her again … his eyes back on Alicia.

It was the first time he was showing any real emotion in two weeks … Kara had been waiting for that, she only hadn't expected it to be fury. And least of all had she had expected to see this kind of fury ever directed at Alicia. Apparently they had gone from not talking with each other to fighting … something Kara would have find joy in if their lives weren't so frakked up right now.

"Captain, Sir, I'm here to inform you that there has been in accident on CAP. Lt. Katraine's gun misfired, hit mine and we both hardly made it back home. Everything points to sabotage." Kara was standing straight at attention by now and had used her most formal voice. If this didn't get Lee's attention, nothing would.

Lee visibly paled and guilt shone in his eyes … which made Kara feel guilty in return because she probably could have found a better way to tell him. But he wouldn't talk to her, so what else could she have done? Not willing to show any guilt herself … because that was just another thing Starbuck didn't do … she kept standing straight until Lee would dismiss her.

"Did you talk with the Chief about this?" Lee finally choked out.

"Yes, Sir. He confirmed it."

"Okay, I want to talk to him myself. In the meantime pull back all of Galactica's and Pegasus' vipers to a full stand down. I don't want any birds out there until we know what's going on."

"Will do." The casual remark had slipped out before she could have stopped it. She just wasn't used to talk formal with Lee … and it was just too hard to keep up for too long.

Lee gave her a quick nod and then turned back to Alicia.

"We finish this later." He said and then followed Kara out of the room.

Kara was dying to know what that had been about but this wasn't the right time to ask. She watched Lee walk away to the hangar deck before she headed to CIC to take out his orders. Another chance to confront him had just slipped away. Damn his stupid wife … they didn't talk with each other for two weeks and the one time Kara had the perfect opportunity to corner Lee and get him to talk she was there ruining everything.

XXXXXXX

Kara ran into Lee several more times that day ... she saw him more often today than during the last two weeks. Unfortunately they never were alone. First there had been Tigh and Adama ... and she could have hardly brought up Lee's strange behavior in front of them. Not that she would have gotten a chance for that anyway. Tigh and Lee had been too busy getting at each other's throats. Kara would have enjoyed this rebellious side in Lee ... she always loved when he wasn't the uptight soldier who obeyed to every word his commanding officers were saying. But she couldn't find any joy in it now because deep down she knew that Lee wasn't shouting at Tigh because he was rebellious ... he was simply lashing out at the first person that came in his path. He was hurting so much that all his frustration had to find a way out ... and Tigh was just the perfect victim for that. She would have felt sorry for him but he was Tigh and if anyone deserved that, it was him. At least in her opinion.

After Adama had forced them to make some sort of truce he had ordered Lee to find out whoever was responsible for the sabotage ... which had lead Kara to her next meeting with Lee. Only then they again hadn't been alone. They were accompanied by several marines and there was just no way to get to talk to Lee alone. And Kara would have been fine with that as she had been hoping to catch him after the arrest, but when Lee talked more with a Marine whose name she didn't even know – and she was fairly certain that Lee didn't know it either – she had had enough. He didn't want to talk with her? Fine … she wouldn't make him. She didn't need him … never had, never would. She would be just fine without him. She didn't need Lee Adama to hold her hand. She was Starbuck – she didn't need anyone!

So instead of cornering Lee and punching out some answers from him, Kara want straight to the rec room, grabbed a bottle of ambrosia, shot threatening glares at everyone who dared to look at her and made herself comfortable in the farthest corner from the door – she didn't plan on leaving anytime soon.

After having finished half the bottle by herself, she saw a shadow falling on the table. Annoyed she looked up … and found herself at the receiving end of one of Karl Agathon's charming smiles.

"Is there left enough for two?" Helo pointed at the bottle.

"No." Kara smirked. She waited for Helo to leave her alone and when he didn't, she handed him the bottle with an exasperated sigh. "Here."

After all, his life was about as screwed up as hers. "How's Sharon?"

"Still pregnant, still in the brig. I hate it." Helo replied, downing his first glass in one swig.

"Well, she is a Cylon." Kara pointed out while refilling their glasses.

Helo didn't say anything in response. They had had this conversation before twice and both times it had ended with them throwing punches at each other. He wasn't looking forward to a repeat of that.

"So, what's up with Apollo?" He changed the subject. "You guys talking again?"

"Nope." Kara emptied her glass and refilled it immediately.

"You're still running after him?"

"Nope." It took Kara a moment to really grasp his question. "Hey, I'm not running after anyone!"

"Yeah, right."

"I don't … Oh whatever." She waved it off. It really wasn't worth the argument. She had been running after Lee, she just didn't think it had been that obvious. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood or I would have punched you for that."

"You're calling that a good mood?" Helo laughed.

"Shut up."

They fell silent for a while, both lost in their own thoughts. Eventually it was Helo who spoke first again.

"That was quite a speech you gave for Cain. 'We were safer with her'? I might not have been in the right position to judge that, with being in hack and sentenced to death for defending the mother of my unborn child and all that, but …"

"Shut up, Helo!" Kara glared at him angrily. Truth was she had no idea what had made her say those words at Cain's funeral. She had kinda felt that she should say something positive. After all the woman was dead, there was no need for making her look bad anymore. And not to forget the fact that Kara had almost killed her … somehow she felt that she owed Cain to honor her memory. Many people had been angry at her for that, Tigh had given her a hard time openly and Adama … well, he hadn't said anything, but he had glared at her. And she hated his glare.

Although she would have given anything if Lee had glared at her like that … he had inherited the Adama glare to perfection. But Lee had just stood there, an empty, expressionless mask on his face. That stupid mask that she hated even more than Adama's glare because she usually could always see what Lee was thinking, but she couldn't now. Because he wouldn't let her. He had shut her out completely; something he had never done before. Hiding his marriage and his daughter from her didn't count … they hadn't talked at the time, had had no contact at all. That had been different.

"So is that why you aren't talking? He gave you a hard time over your speech and you told him to shut up?" Helo quipped, cutting into Kara's thoughts.

"Shut up!"

Helo chuckled and took another swig. "That's pretty good stuff. Where did you get it?"

"The Chief is saving some of his best for me. Something to do with me saving the fleet every now and then."

"Starbuck, the fleet's hero. Who would have thought ..."

"Shut up, Helo."

They fell silent again for a while and again it was Helo who broke the silence. "He's a good guy, you know."

"The Chief? Sure." Kara shrugged.

Helo rolled his eyes. "I'm talking about Apollo. Turned out he's not the jerk I thought he was at first."

"Told you so."

"Yeah." Helo nodded thoughtfully. "He looked after us on the Pegasus. The Chief and me, I mean. He came every day and kept us informed of what was happening. If it weren't for the fact that he wants to see Sharon dead, I might actually become friends with the guy."

"The whole fleet wants to see Sharon dead." Kara pointed out.

"Thanks for reminding me." Helo muttered.

"You brought it up."

"Yeah, I guess I did." He sighed. "So, are you going to talk to him or are you giving up?"

"I never give up." Kara exclaimed indignantly.

"Then what are you doing here?" Helo asked with a raised eyebrow.

Kara opened her mouth to reply ... but she didn't really have an answer.

"The last time I saw him he was on the Hangar Deck, going through Janik's things." Helo said after a moment, smiling inwardly.

XXXXXX

Five minutes later Kara entered the Hangar Deck. It didn't take her long to find Lee. He was standing in front of a table covered with all kind of different things that definitely did not belong to the Hangar Bay.

"Hey." She said quietly when she had reached Lee.

He stiffened visibly when he heard her voice. "Hey."

"Do you have a minute?" Kara asked, hopefully that maybe this time she would be lucky.

"I'm kinda busy here, can we talk later?"

"Lee ..." Kara closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Why don't you let me help you?"

Lee hesitated a moment before he replied. "All right, get your rubber gloves on. This is everything from the Janik woman's quarters. Somehow the Admiral thinks looking through this crap's gonna tell us something new about their so called movement."

Kara suppressed a sigh ... this wasn't exactly the kind of help she had been talking about. But at least he wasn't sending her away. And they were alone. Perfect chance.

"So, um ... haven't seen much of you since your space walk."

She was actually proud of herself that she had made her voice sound slightly light ... as if she wasn't talking about Lee nearly dying in space, but about him taking a walk in the park. She was convinced she had found the perfect beginning for her conversation with him and when he actually replied in a voice that didn't sound angry or hurt, she nearly jumped up with joy ... until she registered that his reply didn't really fit with what she had said.

"Hold it, what is this?" Lee said, pointing at something on the table.

Kara stared at him for a moment, then she looked at what he was pointing at. "What's a deckhand need with a portable library reader?" Kara said, cursing herself and Asha Janik for not hiding that thing better. She just knew that her chance to talk to Lee was gone.

"The Daru Mozu. A tylium refinery. And Janik's used to explosives." Lee mumbled, apparently unaware of the way Kara was glaring at him. He turned to the next phone. "This is the CAG. Get me a Tac Team ready, right now!"

"What do you think?"

"I think I found their next target." Lee replied, already walking away from her.

Feeling hopelessness creep up her spine, Kara started to believe that the whole universe must have allied itself against her. Another chance had slipped by and she wasn't sure how many more she would get. What if Lee gave up again before she could talk to him? Before she could make him understand that they still needed him here ... that she needed him.

XXXXXXX

As it turned out, the universe wasn't completely against her after all. While approaching the Daru Mozu, Lee nearly died again – the emphasize being on "nearly". He had been able to pull away the raptor just in time as the Daru Mozu exploded and he hadn't even had a scratch on him.

Kara on the contrary was a bundle of nerves. She had been standing in CIC when the transmission from the Daru Mozu came over the speakers.

"_None of us want to die, but the fighting must end. If my sacrifice sends a signal to the Cylon that brings peace, then it was worth it. I do this for my children, and for the children that will follow them. Gods willing, demand peace, demand peace."_

She had frozen right then and there. She had known what those words meant ... another attack against the fleet from within. And Lee had been right in the middle of it. She still remembered those long moments of silence after the explosion; before Lee finally called over the wireless that they were okay. That he was okay.

Those moments had felt like an eternity. She had stared at the Dradis in horror, willing the static to disappear. Her eyes had fallen on the Commander. He had remained calm on the outside, as always. But she had seen in his eyes the same horror she had felt deep inside of her.

Until Lee's words came in over the speakers.

He hadn't died – but for one long moment Kara had thought that he had. And it wasn't even that far fetched ... it had only needed one second of hesitation before pulling the raptor away and he would have been dead.

In their lives, it really only took this one second ... and she wasn't going to risk losing Lee because he might hesitate. She had already wasted too much time – that was over now.

So the next chance she got, she corned Lee in his office. As soon as she was in and saw he was alone, she locked the door from inside – there wouldn't be any disturbances this time.

"Kara, what ...?" Startled Lee stared at Kara.

"We need to talk." Kara stated and the sound of her voice made it clear that she wouldn't accept any objection.

Usually, Lee knew that there was no chance of escaping Kara when she used that voice ... but he really didn't want to talk to her. He couldn't. Not after what he had told her two weeks ago.

"Look, this isn't a good time, maybe we could ..."

"No, Lee, not this time." Kara interrupted him, her anger flaring up again. "Gods, you son of a bitch, you could have died out there!"

"What? What are you talking about?" Lee asked confused.

"The Daru Mozu, you idiot. If you had pulled away just a second later, you ..."

"I didn't." Lee cut in, his voice sounding more angry now than confused. " We got away in time .What is this about? Every fight against Raiders is more dangerous than this mission was. So what's your problem?"

"Frak, Lee!" Frustrated, Kara punched her fist against the wall. "I ... We're gonna talk about this ... now! And no shutting me out again. If you had hesitated out there ..."

"I don't hesitate!" Lee called out offended.

"Really?" Kara cocked an eyebrow at him.

Lee opened his mouth to reply, but somehow no words came out. He knew what she was referring to ... but just thinking about that day, about what he almost did made him freeze. And he couldn't deal with that now. He needed to concentrate on the job, his family. He had to keep it together, because if he didn't ...

He closed his eyes for a moment and let out a defeated sigh.

It broke Kara's heart to see her friend like this. "Lee, you need to talk about this."

He slowly shook his head. "I can't."

He nearly choked on the words and when he opened his eyes again, Kara could clearly see his pain in them. And she thought she saw a flicker of resignation in them too. If she just pushed him a little while longer, she might actually get him to talk. "Lee ..."

"This is Admiral Adama."

Both listened up as Adama's voice was heard over the PA speakers.

"Not now." Kara mumbled, almost inaudible. She prayed that his wasn't another emergency. She almost had Lee where she wanted him.

"As you know, President Roslin has been aboard Galactica for the last few days." Adama's voice continued over the speakers. "She's a fighter. But as of this moment, her prognosis is grave. I know that many of you believe in the power of prayer. If that is your way, then I urge you to pray for our President. As for the others, I hope you will join me in keeping her in our thoughts."

The pain in Lee's eyes increased and Kara knew another chance had just slipped by.

"I gotta go." Lee said quietly and moved to pass by Kara.

"Lee, wait." Kara pleaded, but she knew it was useless.

"Kara, I have to ... I have to be there now. To ... you know." He swallowed. Saying out loud that he would have to say good bye to Roslin just hurt too much. "We'll talk later, okay?"

And the next moment he was gone and Kara was left feeling utterly defeated.

XXXXXXX

In the end, Laura Roslin didn't die. Basically in the last second, Baltar had found a cure to heal the dying President. Lee never had to say his good bye to her.

The fleet was celebrating, but Kara felt nothing but empty inside. Lee had slipped away again and she didn't think he would let her that close again anytime soon. And she wasn't sure if she had the strength left to keep running after him.

At the end of the day, she grabbed a bottle of ambrosia from her locker and went to the rec room. She sat down at her usual table in the far corner of the room. She eyed the bottle for a long while. She had an early shift tomorrow. Getting drunk at this hour wouldn't be a very smart thing to do.

But she didn't need to drink the whole bottle – just one glass would be enough. Nodding to herself, she opened the bottle and filled her glass. Just one glass, that was all she needed right now. One glass.

She closed her eyes as the ambrosia flowed down her throat. She could already feel the pain lessen. And she felt only slightly guilty when she began filling her second glass a moment later.

TBC


	30. Black Market

**A.N.: Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. And a huge thank you to Laurie for beta reading this chapter. **

* * *

_Slowly Alicia got out of bed and reached for some clothes that were lying on a chair next to the bed. She tried to be quiet, but Lee woke up anyway._

_She had never been able to slip away from Lee without him noticing._

"_Hey, hey." Smiling he grabbed her hand. "Hey, don't go."_

"_Sorry. I though you were still asleep." She whispered._

"_You should have kicked me out of bed an hour ago." Lee yawned. "If I'm late to the daily meeting with Tigh, he'll have my ass."_

"_Which we both know currently belongs to me." Alicia laughed and sat down on the bed again. Lee slung his arms around her and gave her a long, deep kiss._

XXXXXXX

Slowly Lee opened his eyes and stared at the gray ceiling above him. He groaned when he felt his stiff neck … his office couch really wasn't the most comfortable place to spend the night. Or three nights for that matter.

He closed his eyes again and relived the moments of happiness he had just dreamed about. He missed that ...

Gods, how could his marriage have fallen apart so badly? How could he have let that happen?

Still feeling tired, Lee got up and started to get ready for work. He would catch a quick shower in his quarters before his meeting with Tigh. Luckily Alicia had an early shift at sickbay … they had become pretty good at avoiding each other the last few days. It was a good thing that they both knew the others schedule as well as their own – they wouldn't risk running into each other if they didn't want to.

And at the moment, the last thing Lee wanted was seeing Alicia again. Not that he didn't miss her … he did. But seeing her meant talking to her and that was something he wasn't ready for. Their last conversation hadn't gone over too well. They had done nothing but scream at each other – in his office, thankfully not in their quarters … he never wanted his daughter having to witness her parents fighting ever again.

He wasn't sure how far they would have gone that day, but the word "divorce" had fallen right before Kara had stormed into his office, declaring some emergency. He had been so full of fury in that moment … at himself for feeling so helpless and angry lately, at Alicia for suggesting the one thing he had sworn he would never do – divorce his wife and destroy their family – and at Kara for … well, for being Kara.

He hadn't talked much again with Alicia after that day. They had both agreed that it would be better for all of them if they didn't share any quarters at the moment, so he had moved in his office.

He hoped no one in the crew had noticed his new accommodations, but he would be a fool to really believe that. Nothing stayed a secret on Galactica, at the very least the CAG moving into his office.

But Kara seemed to do a good job holding the pilots in line as no wild speculations about his new living circumstances had reached his ears. He should thank her for that, but thanking Kara would mean talking to Kara and that was just another thing he didn't want to do right now.

He knew he should talk to Kara … soon even. He wasn't blind, he could see she was hurting. And the way she was emptying Galactica's stock of ambrosia hadn't gone unnoticed by him. He knew he should talk to her, as her CAG and as her friend … but he kept postponing it until after the next important thing he had to do.

Like his daily meeting with Tigh. Not that he was looking forward to it, but it kept him busy, it stopped him from thinking too much about Alicia and Nia and Kara and how screwed up everything was right now. So meeting Tigh was actually a good thing.

But when he was called to the Admiral's quarters he was relieved nevertheless.

XXXXXXX

"Admiral." Lee nodded at his father and gave him a short salute. He smiled when his eyes fell on the new insignia on his father's uniform. Admiral Adama … as often as he had used that title for his father during the last few weeks, it still felt strange. He had been a Commander for so long, thinking of him as anything but Commander Adama was just hard to get used to. And on some level it just felt wrong in a way.

It wasn't that he was not proud of his father. He was. But he wished that he could also be happy for him. After everything his father had done for the fleet, he deserved this promotion. He should be happy for him - but he wasn't. He just couldn't get over what had happened ... what they had almost done.

"_Assassination. That's your decision."_

"_This was a very hard decision. But I think the President's right. This is the best way to safeguard the fleet."_

Lee had stopped counting how many times this conversation with this father had repeated itself in his head. He just couldn't forget it. He and his father had disagreed on many things during his life ... Lee had just never thought that murder would be one of them.

"Captain." Adama returned his son's salute and motioned for him to sit down. He never was one to beat around the bush so he came right down to business. "Fisk was found murdered this morning."

Lee looked at his father in surprise. Whatever he had expected this meeting to be about, this wasn't it. "Fisk. Do we have any idea who did it?"

The words were spoken in an almost emotionless voice and Lee was startled at his own reaction to this news. He had just learned that one of last two Battlestar Commanders had been murdered … he had thought he would be more shocked by this news. But all he felt was a little surprise … somehow somewhere along the way murder had become part of their new life and Fisk's death fit right into that.

"No." Adama shook his head at Lee's question. "But we will do a full investigation and I want you to lead it."

Lee raised his eyebrows in surprise. When had he become a criminal investigator? "Don't you think it would be better if someone from Pegasus dealt with this?"

Again Adama shook his head. "Even though Cain's gone, her influence lingers." He looked intently at his son. "I need someone I can trust."

His father's last statement made Lee chuckle quietly. "You know, there were times when that was in short supply between us."

Adama smiled. "We've both been through an awful lot, son. And I hope that we've grown stronger for it. I need your help."

Lee swallowed. He had wished for his father's trust and confidence for so long … and now that he finally had it, it just didn't feel the same. He wasn't the little boy anymore who looked up at his father, the great war hero who could do nothing wrong - _except leaving his family_ – and who would save them all from the bad guys out there.

_He wasn't sure who the bad guys were anymore._

"I'll call up a flight to Pegasus right away." He replied quietly. He really didn't know what else to say.

Adama nodded and Lee took that as his sign to leave. He stood up and turned to leave when his father's voice stopped him.

"Lee ..."

He turned back to Adama, the expression he wore clearly indicated that he was waiting for more orders from his Commander. The more surprised was he at Adama's next words.

"I know you are going through a difficult time right now." Adama went on. " I can't say I know exactly what's wrong and I ... I know I haven't always been there for you. But if you need to talk ..." His voice trailed off and Adama looked up at his son, hoping that Lee might be willing to open up to him.

Lee froze for a moment, staring at his father as if he'd see him for the first time. He contemplated his father's offer … sharing his problems and letting him fix them for him. It was tempting; after all his father had some experience in this regard.

But talking to his father would mean admitting he had failed … that he was just like his old man. And that was something he had fought against for so long, that it was too hard to stop just like that. So instead he forced himself to smile at his father, a small sign of gratitude for the offer.

"Thanks, Dad." Lee paused a moment, thinking of what he should say next. His father had just reached out to him, he didn't want him to think that he didn't appreciate that … he didn't want to give up the chance to take him up on his offer some day. "I should go now and have a look at Fisk's quarters. Maybe … maybe we can talk later."

Later was always better.

"Of course." Adama replied, hiding his disappointment and giving his son a small smile. "You know where to find me."

Lee returned the smile and turned around again to leave.

With a heavy heart Adama watched the hatch closing behind his son. Maybe next time …

He looked at the pictures on his desk … Caroline and his two boys, still so young and unaware of what horrors life had in store for them. He had wanted to protect them from all that … and he had failed miserably.

Zak was dead … following his old man's footsteps had killed him. He hadn't been able to protect him. And Caroline … he couldn't have protected her from the Cylons attacking the planet even if he had been at her side, but he had let her down long before that. He had never stopped loving her, yet she hadn't been enough to keep him with his family – where he belonged.

Now Lee was all he had left … and he was determined to keep his son safe, no matter what the cost. During the mission to destroy the Resurrection Ship he had nearly lost him – again like so many other times before since the attacks. He didn't think he could go through that again. He needed Lee to be safe …

He sighed and let his shoulders slouch down. He asked himself if he was doing the right thing … keeping Lee from flying. He could have gotten someone else to investigate Fisk's murder – Lee wasn't the only person he trusted on his ship. But just thinking about letting Lee go back in a viper was sending waves of fear through him … and Lee wasn't pushing to get back into the cockpit. And as long as Lee would let him, he would find a way to keep him safe – for as long as possible.

XXXXXXX

"Welcome back to the Pegasus, Captain Adama."

"Captain Taylor." Lee nodded to the other man. "Congratulations to being CAG again."

"Thank you." Taylor's lips twitched and Lee was almost sure it looked like a smile. "So you're here to find Fisk's killer?"

"I'm trying to." Lee replied. "I'm sorry you had to lose another Commander so soon."

"Fisk was weak." Taylor said in a harsh voice. "Cain was wrong to make him her XO. And your father was wrong to make him our Commander."

Lee raised an eyebrow. This wasn't the first time Taylor was openly criticizing his father's decisions. Though Lee had to give it to him that he was right – Fisk had been the wrong choice. But who else should he have given the position? There weren't that many people left.

"Who would you have taken as a Commander?" Lee asked.

"I don't know."

"You?" Lee smirked.

Taylor only laughed in response. "No, thank you. I'm content with being the CAG. I wouldn't want to command this ship."

Lee nodded. He could understand that ... it seemed that the Pegasus's Commander didn't get to live long these days. "So, do you have any idea who could have done it?"

"None." Taylor shook his head. "There are many people on this ship who didn't like Fisk, but I refuse to believe that any of this crew would be able to commit murder."

You'd be surprised, Lee thought bitterly. He had once believed the same from his father.

"Here we are." Taylor pointed at the hatch they were standing in front of. "The Commander's quarters. Let me know if you need anything else."

"Thanks." Lee smiled at the other man and then turned to the Marine guarding Fisk's quarters. "Anyone else been inside?"

"Just the medical team, Sir." The Marine responded.

"Good." Lee looked back at the retreating form of Taylor before he stepped into Fisk's quarters. He hadn't thought it to be possible but he was slowly starting to like the guy.

XXXXXXX

Lee hadn't found much in Fisk's quarters that could help him find his killer - nothing except a golden bracelet with the initials E.T. A bracelet that looked very familiar to him ... too familiar for his liking.

That's why he found himself in front of the Tigh's quarters a few hours later.

"Captain. What do you want?" Tigh didn't look too happy at seeing his unexpected visitor.

"Is your wife around, Colonel?" Lee asked, not wasting any time with pleasantries.

Tigh glared at him suspiciously. "No. Why?"

Lee would have laughed at the XO's expression … after all Ellen Tigh wasn't known for her faithfulness. But it was just ridiculous to believe that he could have any interest like that in Mrs. Tigh; gods, just the thought made him want to jump in front of the next Cylon Raider. Dismissing these thoughts, he pulled out the bracelet he had found in Fisk's quarters. "Is this hers?"

Tigh looked startled at seeing his wife's trinket in Lee's hands. "Oh, yeah. She lost it a couple weeks ago." Again he eyed him suspiciously. "Where the hell did you find it?"

"On Pegasus."

"Hmm." Tigh scraped his head, trying to think when he had ever been on Pegasus with his wife.

"In Commander Fisk's quarters." Lee added sharply. He knew he had found a weak spot when he saw Tigh pale. One look around the room told him that Tigh wasn't as unaware of his wife's connections to the Black Market as he wanted it to appear. "We've got shortages across the fleet. People begging for scraps. Somehow, you and Mrs. Tigh have fresh fruit, real liquor …"

"All right, what the hell is this about?" Tigh barked.

Lee snorted in disgust. He knew that Tigh was against the Black Market, but as long as it made his wife happy and kept his stock of ambrosia full, he would keep quiet. He was taking the easy way out.

"You must have known she was trading with Fisk." Lee decided to use Tigh's mistrust towards his wife against him. "Or maybe I'll talk to her."

Tigh glared at him angrily. Lee almost expected the older man to take a punch at him for daring to go near his wife, but instead the Colonel's shoulders suddenly slouched down and he got a defeated look in his eyes. And Lee suddenly felt sorry for him. Tigh would do anything to protect his wife … even if it would destroy himself. He really couldn't understand how he could love her that much.

"She didn't give it to Fisk, I did." Tigh went on. "I traded it for a few necessities, a couple of things to help her get by, big frakkin' deal. There's nothing illegal about that."

Lee knew he was lying. "Not yet." He pointed out. And Tigh knew this as well as he did.

"Don't you play "holier than thou" with me. I haven't done anything that most people on this ship haven't done." The older man defended himself.

Lee only shook his head. "Doesn't make it right, Colonel, just a whole lot of people wrong."

They stayed quiet for a moment, both looking at the bracelet now lying on a table between them.

"The Prometheus. You might want to start looking there." Tigh eventually said quietly.

Lee smiled slightly … he had never thought very highly of his father's XO, but there was still hope that this man wasn't completely lost to his wife's doings and the dulling effect of ambrosia.

"Thanks." He nodded and gave Tigh a short salute. He didn't wait for Tigh to dismiss him. He was just glad to get out of here again.

XXXXXXX

For three days now Lee had investigated on the Prometheus and he still had nothing. He was giving himself this one more day, before he would give it up and try to find a new lead. He didn't think that Tigh had lied to him … but maybe he simply wasn't as well informed as he wanted to believe.

The Prometheus wasn't the Galactica, the whole ship was cramped with people, but Lee had to admit that it was nice to come in contact again with people who weren't part of the military. He wasn't the Commander's – no, the Admiral's – son here, he wasn't the CAG … he was just one of many.

He liked that.

And as much as he missed having the people he loved at his side, he also felt relieved to be alone for the first time in months. The last few weeks he had felt suffocated by all the people surrounding him. He hadn't had a hiding place just for himself without someone finding him and complaining to him about one thing or the other. Or announcing the next crisis. He had felt as if he would drown from being cornered by everyone during every second of the day.

He took a deep breath and looked at his surroundings … a dark, smoke-filled bar, a place Kara would love to spend every single moment of her life that she didn't spend in a viper … a place Lee had never really felt comfortable in and yet had always dreamed of owning one himself.

He wondered why that was.

He sank deeper in his chair and took another swig of the unrecognizable liquid that was sold for coffee here when he noticed a presence hovering above him. He looked up and saw a slightly familiar looking woman standing next to his table.

"Can I help you?" He asked, hoping she had just mistaken him for someone else.

"You're from Galactica, aren't you?" She asked, nervously tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear.

Lee sighed. So much for being one of many. "Yes, I am. I have a few days off and thought I'd enjoy a little R&R on your ship." He gave her his most charming smile. "I heard you had some pretty good coffee here … apparently I was misinformed." He chuckled.

She returned the smile, but the nervousness never left her eyes. "How is your daughter?"

Lee's smile froze and he looked at her coldly. "What?"

"I'm sorry. Of course you don't remember ..." She laughed quietly. "I never forget a face, it comes with the job. And even though we only talked very shortly, you aren't a man that I forget easily."

She had spoken in a soothing voice which only increased Lee's suspicions ... even more so when she suddenly took a seat at the table across from him.

"My name is Shevon. We met a few months ago, here on this ship. You were leading a team of marines ... I think you were searching for a bomb, at least that's what the rumor mill said. And the rumors are usually right." Again she laughed quietly.

Lee looked at her intently and tried to remember where he had seen her before. She did look familiar ... and then it came back.

"_You're a pilot, right?" A woman said to him in a soothing voice. _

"_Uhm, yes, I am. Can I help you in any way?" Lee asked confused. _

"_Well, I was actually wondering if maybe I could help you? It must be very lonely on such a big ship as the Galactica with all your fraternization rules." She smiled at him soothingly. _

_If Lee had any doubts before, they were now gone. He knew exactly what the woman wanted and what kind of business she was part of._

"_I'm happily married and have a daughter. I don't need any more company." He replied as polite as he could. _

"_Oh, I have a daughter too. If you'd take me with you to Galactica, they could be playmates." Her smile got even broader. " And should you ever feel the need, we could be playmates too."_

"_I don't think so, but thanks." Lee chuckled. The idea of Nia having another child to play with was tempting, but he didn't think that Alicia would be too pleased if he came back to Galactica with a prostitute. _

"_Well, if you ever change your mind, just ask for Shevon. Don't forget." She traced her finger along his chest and gave him a last seductive smile. Then she left and went to the next lonely looking man. _

"You have a daughter, right?" Lee asked after a moment.

"Yes." Shevon sighed relieved. "Her name is Paya."

"How is she?"

A shadow crossed over her face and she suddenly looked as if she were close to tears.

"Is everything all right?" Lee asked concerned. He leaned forward and grasped her hand, squeezing it gently. He didn't even think about what he was doing ... what it might look like to other people who knew Shevon and the kind of business she was in. He only knew that this woman had problems, problems that were huge enough for her to approach a complete stranger to seek out help.

A sob escaped Shevon's lips and Lee could feel her hand trembling beneath his own. Her voice quivered when she spoke again. "She got sick. I ... I went to a friend, someone I know and ... I needed medication and he had the connections to get them. The doctor here ... he couldn't help me so I helped myself. But ... I thought that ... I couldn't pay him. When he came to collect his debt, I didn't have the money. Business was ..." She exhaled deeply, shame visible in her eyes. "I didn't make much money lately. I offered him everything I had, but ... he just took what he wanted and left." A pained sob escaped her lips again and she clasped her hands to her face.

"What did he take?" Lee inquired, already fearing the answer.

Shevon removed her hands from her face and the look of despair in her eyes caught Lee's breath in his chest.

"Paya." She whispered. "He took Paya."

Lee felt anger surge in him. He didn't need Shevon to tell him what this man had planned for her daughter. To think about what her little girl had to suffer at this moment ... gods, what if it had been Nia?

"I know you're here because of the Black Market ... and to find Fisk's killer. I can help you, give you the information you need. In return I want you to help me get my daughter back."

Shevon's words had pulled Lee out of his thoughts. He looked at her for a moment, contemplating her offer. There wasn't really anything to think about. "I'll help you."

The relief was clearly visible in Shevon's eyes. "Thank you." She whispered and a moment later she straightened her shoulders and all signs of fear had left her. "I will you give you the information you need as soon as my daughter is safe."

Lee shook his head. "You don't have to do that."

"I know." She replied, looking at him determinedly. "But I don't want to owe you anything."

Lee respected her for that. "All right." He nodded.

XXXXXXX

One hour later Lee found himself quietly walking through a hidden corridor on the Prometheus. Shevon had been able to collect enough information on where Phelan – the man who had kidnapped her daughter – was keeping Paya. And really – a few minutes later Lee stood in front of a locked door. A small, barred window allowed him to see inside a small, dark room behind the door. And what he saw made his heart freeze ... there were at least a dozen children, not much older than Nia. They were clinging to each other, most of them quietly crying. He didn't know which of them was Paya ... but that didn't really matter. He wouldn't leave any of the children behind. Not one – and he would make sure that something like this wouldn't happen again.

"Paya." He whispered. He watched the children intently and after a few moments a little girl with long, blond hair walked a hesitant step towards the door. Lee gave her an encouraging smile. "I'm here to get you back to your mother."

"Mommy ..."

"Just hold on a moment longer." He said quietly.

Lee had just started to work on the lock, when someone grabbed him from behind. Before he could react, he felt a wire being pulled tightly around his neck. He tried to get a hold of his attacker's arms, he tried to push them away, but to no avail. He couldn't breathe and white spots appeared in his line of vision. He tried to suck in a desperately needed breath and his hands grasped around the wire in an attempt to free himself.

But it didn't work, the wire stayed around his throat and his world began to spin. He could feel his attacker behind him, his arms over his shoulders ... He could hear the scared whimpers of the children behind the door.

He had to get free.

Collecting all the strength he had left, Lee used his hands to push himself away from the door. With all his might he slammed the man behind him against the wall. He felt the wire around his neck loosen ... just for a moment, but that was all he needed. Within a second he was free and a few well directed punches had his attacker knocked out cold.

Panting heavily, Lee leaned against the door and tried to catch his breath. He needed a few moments to regain his composure before he started picking the lock again.

He had to get the children out of there.

A quiet click told him that the lock was open. Finally ...

"You can get out now. Okay, one after the other." He spoke quietly to the children and tried to remain as calm as possible. He didn't want to scare them anymore than they already were, but he also needed them to listen to him. "I want you all to hold hands. I need you to be very, very quiet, can you do that?"

He looked at them intently and the children hesitantly nodded. They were clinging to each other tightly and one after the other stepped out of the room. Some of them shielded their eyes against the light in the corridor ... Lee shivered at the thought of how long they might have been in that room already.

"Are you all okay? Is anyone hurt or can't walk?" He asked quietly.

A girl, from the looks she seemed to be the oldest, stepped forward hesitantly. "Dana is very weak, Sir. I don't think she can walk very far."

Lee swallowed. If he ever got to lay his hands on these bastards ... "Who is Dana?"

The girl pointed at a younger girl, probably not older than three, who was standing next to her.

Lee did his best to give her a warm and encouraging smile. "Okay Dana, I'm going to carry you, all right? You're going to be out of here and back with your parents in no time."

The little girl nodded and Lee carefully took her in his arms. Then he ushered the children to follow him and as quickly as possible he lead them away from the dark room and the corridor into safety ... or what he hoped would be safety for them.

He had agreed with Shevon to meet her in a small storage room one deck below. It was close enough to bring her daughter and the other children to her without the danger of drawing too much attention on them, but still far away enough to be save from Phelan and his men for a while.

Lee had planned to call security and have Phelan arrested as soon as Paya was safe ... but finding all these children and seeing the state they were in, he had changed his plan.

He would take care of that himself.

XXXXXXX

The sight of Paya running into her mother's arms filled Lee's heart with warmth. He might still not have any leads on who had killed Fisk, but these children were safe ... and in the end that really was all that mattered.

He looked at the other children who were still clinging onto each other tightly, most of them still crying and still looking scared. He would make sure that they wouldn't be scared for much longer ... and if he had to search the whole fleet, he would find their parents. He just hoped they were still alive.

His eyes fell on the girl who seemed to be the oldest one. She was taking care of the other children, wiping away their tears and talking to them in a soothing voice. He admired her for that ... one look in her eyes told him that she was as scared as the other girls and yet she was doing her best to stay calm.

"Hey, what's your name?" He asked as he knelt next to her.

"Maria." She said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Lee smiled at her encouragingly. "Maria, you are doing great. Can you take care of them a little while longer until I can bring you back to your parents?"

A flash of hope appeared in her eyes and she nodded.

"Good." He gave her one last smile and then stood up to talk to Shevon.

"Can you contact Galactica from here?" He asked.

"Yes." She nodded, still holding her daughter tightly to her. "Thank you."

Lee cleared his throat. "Just put in an emergency call. Tell them I'm here and to send over a team of marines as well as a medical team."

"Okay. What about you?" She asked.

Lee didn't look at her as he replied. "I'm going to take care of Phelan."

He didn't wait for her to reply and had almost reached the door when her voice stopped him.

"It was him. Phelan ... he had Fisk killed. His black market was up and running and he was trying to make more money and Phelan didn't like that. So he put a stop to it."

Lee snorted. This information wasn't really too surprising. "Just wait here for the Marines."

With that he stepped out of the room and began his search for Phelan.

XXXXXXX

It didn't take Lee long to find Phelan. Again Shevon's information had been right – Phelon was at a private bar, accompanied by two scantily-dressed women and several heavily armed men.

They wouldn't stop Lee though.

With a few long strides he had reached Phelan. The older man looked up at Lee with a smug smile. From the look in his eyes, Lee figured he had already heard about the children.

With a wave of his hand, Phelan sent the women away and automatically his men moved a bit closer.

Lee didn't care.

"You may find this hard to believe, but my father was in the service too." Phelan suddenly spoke and his words didn't leave any doubt that he knew who Lee was. "Strict as hell. Probably the same as your old man. But, when the Cylons attacked, all his duty and honor didn't add up to squat.

"You killed Fisk." Lee stated. _And you kidnapped innocent children._

"Fisk was a pig." Phelan nearly spat the words out. "He tried to force us to renegotiate. I didn't kill him, but I can give you the killer. The murder weapon, the prints. Everything you need to close the case legitimately." A self-confident smile appeared on his lips. "Despite the President's objections, the fleet needs us. Rationing's too tight, ship comes in too late, we're the pressure valve, we provide. Without us, people would have nowhere to turn. The fleet would tear itself apart."

"And what about the children?" Lee looked at Phelan in disgust. He was by far the most despicable person he had ever met. "How are they helping the fleet?"

"Everyone has needs." Phelan shrugged. "Some settle for cigars or liquor. Others are more demanding. It's hard to find the moral high ground when we're all standing in the mud. I'm not like my old man, Captain, and you are not like yours."

Lee slightly shook his head in disbelieve. Did this man really believe he could bribe him? What could he possibly have to offer that would make him think Lee would let him walk?

"Your wife needs medication, medication that your dear doctor has a hard time getting his hands on. I can deliver you as much as often as you need. You wouldn't have to worry about your wife's welfare ever again. Your daughter is sick? Just give me a call and I can get you anything you need to make her better again. How about some new toys? I'm sure she ..."

Lee had heard enough and he moved closer to Phelan, his eyes threatening him to go on. One of Phelan's men pulled his gun and pointed it straight at Lee. He stopped, but he didn't take his eyes of Phelan.

"I came alone. But, Galactica tracked me on dradis. All they'll need to vent this ship into space is an excuse. So, let's make a deal. You let the children alone. I walk out of here and you shut down this operation. And all of you will live."

"Sorry, the little girls have been paid for." Phelan sneered. "No refunds."

Lee felt a wave of hate and disgust spreading through him. Phelan would never stop ... even if they would shut down the Prometheus, he would find other ways to continue his business.

"_Assassination. That's your decision."_

"_This was a very hard decision. But I think the President's right. This is the best way to safeguard the fleet."_

For the first time Lee understood his father's reasoning.

This was the best way to safeguard the fleet.

He pulled his gun and pointed it directly at Phelan's head. His men made a move for him, but a gesture from Phelan stopped him.

It was a smart move ... Lee wouldn't have hesitated to shoot him before his men had had the chance to reach him.

"I made you a fair offer." Phelan replied, still looking confident that he couldn't be harmed.

But he was wrong. Because Lee was exactly like his old man.

"So did I." He said coldly. "Yeah, you're probably right about everything. The Black Market can't be stopped and maybe it shouldn't be. But it needs limits. There's lines you can't cross. And you crossed them."

"You're not gonna shoot. You're not like me. You're not gonna ... uh ..."

H. B. Phelan never got to finish his sentence. Lee had shot him directly in the head ... and he died immediately.

Lee stared at the man lying in front of him, his dead eyes staring back at him and the hole in his forehead making him look like a figure from a chamber of horror Lee had visited as a teenager. It took all his willpower to stop his hands from trembling and he needed what felt like eternity to regain his composure.

After a few moments, he forced his eyes away from Phelan's body and looked at the men surrounding him.

"All right, it's done." He was surprised how calm and steady his voice sounded when deep inside he wanted nothing more than to hide in the next corner and shut out the world forever. But he needed to stay calm to get out of here alive. "Fleet relies on the Black Market. Much as we'd like, we can't wish that away. So, you're still in business. For now. But if there are any more killings, if you hold back essential medicines, if you ever touch a child ... " He swallowed when the haunted look of the children came back to his mind. As if they hadn't suffered enough already when their homes had been destroyed by the Cylons.

With relief Lee saw the men putting their weapons down and one after the other left. One of them bent down and pulled a golden necklace from Phelan. Lee figured the Black Market had just found his new boss. Well, at least now they knew who they were dealing with.

When he walked back to Shevon and the children, hoping that the Marines had arrived by now, Lee thought that neither his father nor the President would be too happy with this arrangement. With a small smile he remembered the deal he had made with Zarek ... back in the beginning when he had still believed that black was black and white was white and if they only played by the rules, they would get through this alive.

Gods, how could he have ever been that naive?

XXXXXXX

Two hours later Lee found himself once again standing in the President's office on Colonial One. The children were in the safe hands of Cottle ... who to the surprise of everyone got along great with the girls. His gruff demeanor didn't frighten them and wherever Cottle went, there was at least one girl clinging to his hand. And even though Cottle wouldn't admit it, the smile in his eyes betrayed how much he liked having the girls around and safe.

"Commander Fisk's murder has been resolved and Pegasus' crew appears to have accepted Galactica's conclusions. That's all, Madame President." Lee finished his explanation of the events that had happened today. He was preparing for a united outburst of Roslin and his father and as expected Roslin didn't look pleased with what he had told her.

"Not quite." Roslin said, a sharp edge to her voice. "What about the ship, Prometheus? I understand it's the hub of the fleet's black market."

"We will keep an eye on them." Lee assured her.

Roslin looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Keep an eye on 'em? It's not exactly the solution I had in mind. Whether or not we allow a criminal enterprise to thrive in this fleet is not a matter of choice, Captain. Admiral?" She turned to Adama, fully expecting him to support her.

Adama's reply though surprised both her and Lee.

"I've given Lee full authority on this issue. The decision is his."

Lee swallowed. He really hadn't expected his father of all people to back him up on this. It was a nice feeling.

"I support your trade policies wholeheartedly, Madame President." Lee said quietly. "But we are never going to have a perfect system. There will always be some kind of black market. At least this way, I know names, I know faces, I know where they are and we will monitor the situation."

He glanced at his father who nodded approvingly. He felt some of the tension of the last few hours leave him at the thought of his father agreeing with him on this matter. This didn't happen very often. Maybe they really were more alike than he had thought.

"Thank you, gentlemen, I'm busy." Roslin said in a cold voice. She looked down at the papers on her desk and with that dismissed both father and son.

"Well, that went well." Adama chuckled once they were back in the Raptor.

"I guess we're lucky she didn't throw us in the brig." Lee quipped.

"Yes." Adama smiled. His eyes fell on his son's neck. "You should have that checked out by Cottle when we're back on Galactica."

"I'm fine." Lee replied and unconsciously his hand went to stroke over his throat and the marks left by the wire.

"It wasn't a request, Captain." Adama pointed out.

Sighing Lee gave in. There really was no use in objecting his father when he was giving him the famous Adama glare. And he had wanted to check on the girls anyway.

XXXXXXXX

Lee flinched when Layne Ishay put some antiseptic on his neck wound and he shot her a disapproving look.

"Be a big boy, Captain. You'll live." Layne teased him and continued working on his neck.

"Thanks." Lee smirked.

"We have found most of the girls' parents by now. You should have seen their reunions ... I don't think there was a single person here who didn't have wet eyes. Including Cottle."

Lee smiled. "So despite the common belief the man really has a heart."

"Yes." Layne laughed. "All right, all done. You're free to go. I let Ali know that ..."

"No." Lee quickly reached out for her hand to stop her. "Please, don't ..."

"Lee, she's your wife. She deserves to know."

Lee sighed. "You know how it is between us right now ... this is just a scratch, not a life threatening injury."

"But ..."

"I know you mean well." He interrupted her again. "But let us deal with this our own way, okay?"

"As long as you _are_ dealing with it." Layne replied, looking at Lee pointedly. She hated seeing her friends suffering like this.

"We will." Lee promised as he got up from the exam table. _If I only knew how. _

XXXXXXX

At the end of the day, after having finished all his reports from the last three days and rewriting the pilot's roster that somehow Kara had managed to screw up in this short time – _really, how did she do this all the time? It had only been three days –_ Lee decided to pay his father a visit. A conversation with his father was always better than spending the evening alone in his office. And a visit to the rec room wasn't really to his liking tonight ... he had killed a man today, sitting down with his pilots and chatting idly didn't feel right. And he also didn't want to witness Kara drinking herself into oblivion again.

His father had been surprised by his visit, but after an awkward silence they both made themselves comfortable on the brown leather couch that had been in his father's possession for as long as Lee could remember.

Adama poured them both a glass of ambrosia ... real ambrosia, not the self brewed stuff from the Chief. For a moment Lee wondered where his father had gotten it from, but deep down he knew that he hadn't received it from the black market. His father had always made sure to have hidden stocks from everything for special occasions.

And this seemed to be one of those.

They spent the first few minutes talking about work, the pilots, the latest Cylon encounter ... just a simple conversation without any emotional baggage. Lee enjoyed that ... but he should have known that it never was this easy with his father.

"How are you doing, Lee?" Adama quietly asked after a moment of silence between them.

Lee tensed immediately. Ever since he had moved out from his quarters he had waited for his father to broach the subject. There was nothing on his ship that the Old Man didn't know about.

"I'm fine." He replied, hoping that his father would drop the subject.

Adama looked at his son carefully. "Ever since you ejected from the blackbird, you've been different. Harder to reach. I'm just trying to understand."

Lee sighed. "Well, like you said, Dad. We've all been through a lot."

"Fair enough." Adama nodded. "But you should have told me about moving out. You don't need to sleep in your office."

Lee swallowed. "It's only temporarily, Dad." _At least I hope so._

"If there is anything I can do to help ..." Adama looked at his son, feeling uncomfortable. He wasn't used to this ... but if there was anything he could do to get this sad look out of his son's eyes, he would.

"Thanks, but ... this is something Ali and I will have to figure out between us." Lee gave his father a small smile. "You know how it is."

"Yes." Adama sighed. He wished he didn't know. "I could always offer you this couch here ... it's a lot more comfortable than the one in your office."

Lee had to laugh at his father's offer. "Thanks, Dad, but ... no. I don't think we would survive being around each other that often."

"Probably not." Adama admitted ... though he wished it wouldn't be like this between them.

They sat in silence together a while longer until Lee spoke again.

"In the blackbird ... I thought I would die." His voice was barely above a whisper. "Today, when ... when I had this wire around my throat ... for a second ... I thought I was back there ... floating in space, not being able to breathe .." A small chuckle escaped his lips. "This is the third time in just a few weeks that I nearly suffocated. One of these days my luck will run out."

"Don't say that." Adama cut in harshly. His son's words scared him ... he didn't want to be remembered of all the times he had nearly lost him in the last few weeks.

"You made the right choice ... with Cain."

Adama was startled by the change of subject. He wondered what was going on in his son's head ... somehow he thought that it wasn't only his marriage problems that were troubling him. "Why do you say that?"

"She was a danger to the fleet ... I didn't know it all then and even when I found out what she did ...things aren't always black and white."

"No, they're not." Adama said quietly. He watched his son for a long moment. "Talk to your wife, Lee. Don't make the same mistakes I did."

Lee looked up at his father with sad eyes. "Yeah ... I guess I should."

TBC


	31. Scar

**A.N.: Thank you all for reading and thanks to everyone who has taken the time to leave a review. It's all very much appreciated :) **

**And thank you to Laurie for beta'ing. I made some changes after she send me back the chapter. As always, all mistakes are mine. **

* * *

_"You know, the President says that we're saving humanity for a bright, shiny future. On Earth. That you and I are never gonna see. We're not. Because we go out over and over again until someday, some metal mother frakker is gonna catch us on a bad day and just blow us away."_

Motionless, Lee stood in front of the cold metal hatch. Kara's words kept replaying in his head. At a time not so long ago he had thought that he didn't care anymore. That if he would die now he wouldn't miss out on anything.

Except seeing his daughter grow up to become the beautiful, intelligent woman he knew she would one day be.

He wanted Nia to have this bright, shiny future. On earth, the Galactica – he didn't really care. As long as she was safe. And the world she lived in was bright and shiny.

And it was just the opposite now. He hadn't heard his daughter laugh since he had moved out. She was suffering just like her parents were, even though she was too young to really understand what was going on.

Frak, not even he himself knew what was going on. Things had spiraled out of control, _his control_ ... and it was time he fixed that.

He had been a selfish bastard those last few weeks, hurting everyone around him and not even caring about it. Nia, Alicia, Kara ... he had hurt those that he loved most.

He would make it right.

Taking a deep breath, Lee opened the hatch.

XXXXXXX

_**78 hours earlier**_

"We have lost five more pilots this last week. How much longer do we have to stay here?" Lee handed his latest report to his father and leaned back against his chair.

While Adama skimmed over the report, Lee glanced around the room. Funny how comfortable he was feeling in here now. He had spend years hating this room without ever having stepped a foot in it. When he had first entered his father's office after the attacks, he had been determined to hate every inch of it. And yet even then he hadn't been able to fight off the feeling of familiarity that this room and his father's belongings awoke in him.

It felt like home.

"I spoke with the President this morning."

His father's words pulled Lee out of his thoughts.

"The mining ship has broken another drill bit. Again!" Adama growled. "They need another eight days."

"Eight more days." Lee sighed. He wasn't sure if they had enough pilots for eight more days.

"Apparently they discovered a rich vein of ore. Should be enough for two squadrons." Adama continued. "Roslin doesn't want to give that up and neither do I. We need that ore."

"I know." And he did ... he knew they needed the ore. But he wasn't sure how much longer he could take it sending out his pilots knowing very well that one of them wouldn't come back. That damn raider that was waylaying them every frakking day was the best Cylon fighter they had encountered so far. He came, killed and vanished ... most of the time it happened so fast that no one even saw him.

"There is some good news too." Adama smiled. They didn't have much of that lately. "Pegasus' production team has turned out its first combat-ready viper. We are beginning to replace our losses."

"That really is good news." Lee replied smiling. Inwardly he wasn't feeling as positive. So they were able to replace their destroyed vipers ... but who was going to replace their pilots?

Sighing Lee brought up his next subject he had came here for. He had delayed this decision long enough. His pilots were dying out there ... he couldn't hide any longer behind his duties. "I saw Cottle today. I'm cleared for full duty again. One more pilot for the roster." He forced himself to smile even though inwardly he cringed at the thought of getting back in the cockpit. That freaking Blackbird accident still haunted him. But he wouldn't allow it to control his life. He loved flying and he was needed in the cockpit ... it was that simple.

He just needed to tell that to himself often enough.

Adama sat frozen at his son's word. Getting back in the cockpit? He had thought that there was still time. A few more days ... until they had left this cursed asteroid field ... until it was safe again to send his son out there – whenever that would be.

Trying not to show his fears, Adama cleared his throat and changed the subject. He didn't trust himself to give a reply of any kind to his son's news. "I hear you are still sleeping in your office."

Lee was startled by his father's lack of response to his news. He was getting back in the cockpit. That was a good thing. Right? Or did his father doubt his ability to fly as well? Just as much as he doubted his ability to work out his marriage problems on his own?

This was just great. Now he didn't only need to convince himself that he would get things back in control, he would have to convince his father as well.

Sighing he forced himself to reply. "I'm working on it, Dad. Just ... it just needs some time, okay?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interfere." Adama already regretted his question. He didn't want to push Lee ... if he had learned one thing in his life it was that pushing his sons into anything always ended in disaster. Lee knew better what to do with his life than his father. Adama just needed to accept that.

Just as he needed to accept that from now on Lee would be flying a viper again ... just as he had wanted him to from the day his son had been born. How could he have ever been that stupid?

XXXXXXX

The next day Lee had scheduled himself for his first CAP. He would have to be on the flight deck in ten minutes ... and he was nervous. The whole night he had been plagued by nightmares of Cylons shooting him down while he was in his viper. Or in the Blackbird. Or standing in CIC.

The dreams had varied, but he had woken up each time, drenched with sweat and breathing heavily. Hence he had hardly slept. He was tired. He was exhausted. He was nervous. And he had no one to talk to about it.

Not really the best premises for his first CAP in weeks.

Sighing he raked his hands through his hair. He was so going to screw this up.

A knock on his door nearly made him jump up. He quickly tried to compose himself and cleared his throat to make his voice sound steady. "Come in."

Slowly the hatch opened and Alicia stepped in.

Lee nearly doubled over in surprise. "Ali, what ... Is Nia all right?" His daughter's wellbeing really was the only reason he could think of right now that would bring Ali here to talk to him.

Hesitantly Alicia moved closer. "No, Nia is fine. Uhm ..." Her eyes were locked on her hands that where tightly clenched together.

She looked as nervous as Lee felt.

"I ... uhm ..." Finally she looked up at Lee and he was surprised by the concern he saw in her eyes. "Rumor mill has it that the CAG is flying again."

"Rumor mill is right." Lee said, pointing at the flight suit he was already wearing.

Alicia couldn't help but smile at seeing Lee dressed ready for flight. As much as she feared him going out there in his viper, he did look good in that suit.

"You must be excited." She said quietly.

"Sure, yeah."

Alicia could tell immediately that he was lying. She could see he was nervous. And worried. Without thinking about it she walked around the desk until she stood next to him. Out of habit she took his hands in hers. "Shoot down some raiders for me, will you? I would do it myself, but your father still refuses to let me fly a viper. So I need you to do it for me."

Lee chuckled slightly. "How many did you have in mind?"

"Just one." She looked at him earnestly and tightened her grip around his hands. "Just shoot down the one aiming his guns at you. That's all."

"Just that one, huh?" Lee raised an eyebrow. Surprised by his own actions he returned the squeeze of her hand. And in that moment he wished she would never let go again.

"Yep, it's really simple." She smiled.

"Yes, it is."

Their eyes locked for a long time until Alicia gave him a parting squeeze with her hand and stepped back. "Come back safely."

"I will."

She nodded and without saying anything else she stepped out of the room. Lee watched the hatch close behind her when he suddenly noticed that the nervous feeling in his gut was gone.

All he had to do was shoot down that one raider ... he had done that a hundred times already. Why would he screw that up now?

XXXXXXX

Lee didn't screw up and he returned safely to the Galactica. He didn't get the chance to shoot down any raider as none had disturbed his CAP. He was slightly disappointed about that fact, but also relieved. Maybe an uneventful CAP was exactly what he had needed.

Technically his shift was over now. The only problem was that even though the CAP had been long and boring – well, as boring as flying a viper through an asteroid field while waiting for an enemy attack can be – Lee was still full of adrenaline. He hadn't realized how much he had missed flying. Sitting down and writing reports or getting some sleep was out of the question for now.

So instead of spending the next hours sitting in his office, he quickly changed out of his flight suit and headed for the gym. Using the punching ball for a few rounds sounded just like the right thing for now.

Maybe that would help him to get his head clear. Now that he was back in the cockpit – and gods, had he enjoyed that; his first signs of nervousness had vanished as soon as he had left Galactica behind him and only saw the wide space before him – he could take care of his other problems: somehow saving his marriage problems and getting Kara back in line ... he wasn't sure which of those two would be the more difficult one.

Thinking of Kara his thoughts suddenly went back to Kobol. They had been so close back then than never before. He had enjoyed that ... a lot. But it had also scared him. He was married. And Kara was in love with this Anders guy.

But Anders was still on Caprica, probably dead by now.

And Alicia had suggested a divorce.

XXXXXXX

When Lee stepped into the gym, he noticed Kara and Helo lifting weights in a corner. They hadn't seen him come in and continued their conversation as if he weren't there.

And even though he should announce his presence, he stayed quiet.

"One more. Come on, Starbuck, let's go." Helo encouraged Kara. "Get it up there. Why are you pushing so hard? Kat's just another hot shot kid out to make her bones."

Lee sighed at the mention of Kat's name. Her and Kara's quarrels had been grating on his nerves for days. He had actually considered sending them both to the brig just so he didn't have to listen to their fights anymore. Helo's next words though made him caught his breath in his chest.

"Like you were before you met Anders. You ever think about him?"

"What's the point? He's dead." Kara hissed.

Lee couldn't help but notice the despair in her voice. He felt a pang of guilt when he thought that it would be better for all of them if Anders really were dead. _It would be better for him._

Gods, he was a selfish bastard.

"Kara." Helo spoke softly. "If you didn't think he had a chance of surviving, why'd you promise to return with a rescue party?"

"I thought I was ... I don't know what I thought." Frustrated Kara shook her head and brushed past Helo out of the gym. She never saw Lee.

XXXXXXX

Lee left the gym shortly after Kara. He didn't want Helo to see him. Strolling through Galactica's corridors he tried to make sense of his crazy thoughts. He wanted Kara to be happy. Anders made her happy. So in order to stop Kara from destroying herself he needed to bring back Anders.

Like that was going to happen.

And just thinking about Kara being with Anders drove him crazy. Why the hell was that? He was over Kara ... had been for a long time. Right?

But then there was their time on Kobol. And their kiss … gods, he had to stop thinking about that.

So he needed to bring Kara together with Anders. And ignore the stinging feeling that thought awoke in him immediately. But Anders was on Caprica, probably dead ... and there was no way in hell his father would grant a rescue mission back to Caprica. Right?

They hadn't really talked about it. He knew from the fact that Kara was still here that the Old Man had refused her to take a rescue team back. He had never really spoken with him about that himself. He hadn't tried to convince his father to rethink his decision.

Not that he would listen to him anyway. He never had.

Although he had taken back his order to kill Cain. And even though Lee had never asked why, the thought that his conversation with his father a few hours earlier had anything to with it had crossed his mind back then.

Gods, this was making him crazy. No matter how he thought about it, he couldn't come up with the right thing to do.

As with everything else going wrong in his life lately.

He needed a drink.

Of course he knew that that line of thinking was responsible for Kara's downward spiral right now in the first place. One drink could easily turn into many if you weren't careful.

But he wouldn't let it get this far. And one drink surely wasn't too much. And if anyone asked he was only celebrating his return to flying.

He made a promise to himself that it really would only be this one drink.

XXXXXXX

Lee realized he probably wouldn't keep that promise the moment Kara took a seat next to him and placed a bottle of ambrosia between them on the table.

"Need a drink?"

Two hours later both Lee and Kara were visibly drunk. She always had gotten the worst out of him.

"I heard BB had a sister on the Gemini." Lee slurred, taking another swig. "I guess I should write her a letter or something."

"Like that's gonna help anyone." Kara smirked and poured them both another drink.

Lee silently agreed with her. A letter wouldn't bring her brother back. "You know what gets me? I know that in two weeks, I won't remember his face. I can't remember any of their faces after they're killed. No matter how hard I try, they just fade."

He hated himself for that. Some CAG he was.

"I don't even remember their names." Kara admitted quietly.

If he hadn't been as drunk as he was, Lee would have known that Kara would never forget the name of a fellow pilot ... especially if she had trained that pilot herself. But as it was, he was completely clueless.

"Names. Oh, let's see ..." He mumbled. "There was ... there was Flattop ..." Lee ducked to the side as Kara spat some ambrosia at him. Man, they were drunk. When did that happen? Pushing that worry aside – there was always the morning after for regrets – he continued. "Who bought it on his thousandth landing. There was Chuckles ..."

Again Kara spat out some liquid at him, laughing loudly at Lee's angry face.

"Stop it, already." He growled. This was serious business. But of course Kara never got that. "Please, not funny. All right. It's not funny."

"It is funny." Kara objected, giggling.

Again, sober Lee would have wondered about the fact that Kara giggled. She never giggled. Or at least, Starbuck didn't giggle. Could it be that he was actually only sitting here with Kara? That would be a new one. He hadn't had just Kara without Starbuck for many, many years. Not since that one night ... Gods, he needed to stop drinking.

"You know ..." Kara went on. "The President says that we're saving humanity for a bright, shiny future. On Earth. That you and I are never gonna see." She held her glass up and pointed it at Lee. "We're not. Because we go out over and over again until someday, some metal motherfrakker is gonna catch us on a bad day and just blow us away."

Lee shivered at that thought. Hadn't he just promised Ali that he would shoot that one motherfrakker out of the sky before it would get to him?

But he didn't want to think about Ali right now. Here, with Kara, _only Kara, _there was no place for her.

"Bright, shiny futures are overrated anyway."

Nia's face appeared in his mind and he wondered if he really wanted to believe that.

"That is why we gotta get what we can. Right now." Kara slurred.

Now that he liked. "I'll drink to that. To right now." He raised his glass and downed the drink in one swig.

Kara suddenly looked at him expectantly ... she wore the same look that he knew only too well from all the times she had gotten him in trouble in the past. Like the one time when she had convinced him that it would be a fitting payback for their instructor in flight school – who had given both of them a hard time due to their backgrounds – if they stole his car and hid it near a nearby lake. Of course he had been drunk then too. And it had been their luck that on that night of all nights it had rained like hell and the lake had flooded the bank ... and the instructor's car. They had spent three days in the brig for that one.

Kara always got them in trouble with that look.

"So, why don't we?" She smirked.

Lee sighed, fearing the worst ... although he had no idea what she could have possibly planned now. He was startled when she suddenly put her leg on his lab. For a second he just looked confused at it ... and the confusion only grew when her leg on his didn't feel wrong at all.

He cleared his throat and looked hesitantly at Kara. "Why don't we what?"

Smiling Kara leaned forward and gave him a long, passionate kiss. Lee didn't even think twice about it before he returned her kiss as passionately. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer until she fully sat on his lab. She slung her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. With every second their kisses and movements became more passionate.

Lee didn't really remember how, but eventually they ended up in the pilot's bunkroom, the hatch blocked and both of them scrambled on the table, Lee lying on his back and Kara atop of him. They were kissing each other passionately, their hands roaming over the other's skin as if they were discovering every single part of their bodies for the first time. Kara began pulling up his tanks, her own already lying somewhere on the floor, and Lee nestled on her pants ... their movements got even quicker as neither of them was willing to lose the touch of the other for too long.

Lee was breathing heavily as he watched Kara toss his tanks over her head and send him a soothing smile. Then she bent down again, kissing every part of his chest while his hands stroked over her back and arms.

Gods, he loved her!

"Lee ..." Kara moaned.

"_I love you, Lee Adama. Forever and one day." _

Lee froze as Alicia's words rang in his mind. Oh gods, what was he doing here? He was betraying his wife. He committed adultery. Ali and he were still married. They hadn't even really discussed this whole divorce thing.

He suddenly became nauseous and he could feel the bile rise up his throat. Kara kept kissing his chest and neck and moved up to his mouth when he felt like he couldn't take it anymore and he began pushing her away.

"Hey, wait a minute. Wait ..." He had to take a deep breath as the world suddenly decided to start spinning. He grabbed the side of the table with one hand while holding Kara away from him with the other. "Wait a minute. I ... I can't ..."

"What?" Startled and utterly confused Kara stared at him.

"Kara, I'm ... I'm sorry, I can't ... Ali ... I ..."

As soon as he had mentioned his wife's name, Kara pulled away from him as if he were poisoned. The hurt look in her eyes tore at his heart. Gods, he was a bastard. How could he have done that to her?

"Kara ..."

"You know what? Just shut up. I don't wanna know." She climbed off him and the table and quickly grabbed her tanks from the floor and pulled them over.

Lee quickly got up himself. "Kara, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen. I ..."

"I said shut up, Apollo. I don't want to hear it. I just wanted a good lay. If you can't covenant that with your conscience and your oh so happy marriage I don't care." She cast him an angry glare and turned around to leave.

"What about us?"

Lee regretted the question as soon as the words had left his mouth. He really was a bastard. What was he doing? He had already made it clear that nothing would happen between them, _that he wouldn't let anything happen,_ because of Alicia. And here he was asking her about their relationship? No amount of alcohol could be blamed for that behavior.

Kara let out a harsh laugh at his question. "There is no us. There is nothing here." She gestured between herself and Lee. "Do you get that? Nothing!"

Lee raked his hands through his hair. "Maybe we could just forget about this? I mean, we are both drunk ... We're still friends, right?" He hated how weak his voice sounded at this moment. He was being pathetic.

"Don't worry about it, Lee. This meant nothing." She laughed harshly and even though Lee didn't want to, he couldn't help but be hurt by her words.

It had meant something. He wasn't exactly sure what – or maybe he just didn't want to know – but it had meant something.

Kara saw the hurt in his eyes and she felt despair well up inside of her. No matter how many times she swore never to hurt Lee again, she always did. And even though he wasn't completely innocent in this whole disaster, she wanted this hurt look to disappear from his eyes. So she grasped for any explanation she could think of that the reason why there wasn't anything between them, why this didn't mean anything, _couldn't mean anything, ever, _wasn't him.

"I am hung up on a dead guy, okay?" She choked out. She saw the realization lid up in Lee's eyes and the one name, _or maybe two names,_ were suddenly standing between them as a wall. She had never wanted things to be so complicated with Lee. She had just wanted to keep him as her friend. Forever. Just keeping one friend, _the most important one,_ close to her and she couldn't even have done that.

"It is pissing me off." Tears were welling up in her eyes and she threw her fist against one of the racks. She needed the pain to keep her focused. She didn't want to break down in front of Lee, _she couldn't_, but at the same time she wished that he would pull her into his arms again and hold her until the end of the world. Her shoulders sagged down and she looked helplessly at Lee. "And I don't know what I'm doing."

She sobbed and quickly turned away from him. She didn't want him to see her like this.

Gods, what were they doing? What was she doing? Sleeping with Lee? Even just kissing him was bad enough. She had been engaged to his brother. He was married. She had promised Anders she would come back for him. She really was the slut Lee had always thought she was. And she had just given him the best proof. And not even drunk as hell did he want anything to do with her.

Another sob escaped her when she remembered the look of longing in his eyes so many, many years ago. That one night in their room in the academy when every fiber of his body had screamed to her how much he had wanted her then. How much he had loved her.

But she had pushed that all away – one stupid moment of insecurity and she had lost him forever.

Hearing the sobs shaking Kara's body gave Lee the rest. He would do anything to make this right between them again.

"It's Anders, right? On Caprica, the resistance fighter." He said quietly, hoping he had found the right words.

When he saw Kara freeze at his words, he knew he was right. And he vowed in that moment that he would do anything in his power to help her. And if he had to fly to Caprica himself to get that Anders guy back to her, he would. He wanted her to be happy again.

Kara didn't turn around as she replied. "Yeah, well, Samuel's dead, so what does it matter?"

"Kara, please ..."

Suddenly Kara jerked around and glared at Lee furiously. "I don't need your pity, Lee!"

"For once in your life, you haven't gotten my pity!" The words came out of his mouth harsher than he had intended. He didn't pity her, he never had. He had always admired her for being the way she was and for handling every bad thing life had thrown at her. For always getting up again. After her childhood, Zak, even after Anders she had always found a way to go on as if nothing had happened. And the thought suddenly struck him that maybe all this wasn't about Anders after all. "Listen, you are fine, you're fine with the dead guys." He said quietly. "It's the living guys you can't deal with."

When he saw the look in Kara's eyes, he knew he shouldn't have said that. Not because it wasn't right because he was married or she had promised Anders to come back to him. But because it was true.

And Kara always had had issues to handle truths she didn't like.

Before he could react in any way, the palm of her hand had connected with his face. It burned like hell and Lee was sure it would leave a mark. But maybe he deserved that. He shouldn't have said that to her. He had lost that right the moment he had pushed her away because of Alicia.

He opened his mouth to explain himself, to make things better, but before he could say anything, Kara had moved closer to him and began kissing him again, long and hard. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but for both Lee and Kara it felt like an eternity.

When it was over, Kara turned around wordlessly and left the room.

Again breathing heavily Lee stared at the empty spot she had just vacated.

He had no idea what had just happened.

XXXXXXX

The next day, Kat – with the help of Starbuck – had managed to kill Scar ... the evil Cylon Raider that had killed so many of their pilots. Scar was dead, Kat was celebrated as the new hero and Lee was only too aware that Kara had nearly killed herself out there. She had been willing to sacrifice herself to take the Raider out ... and that scared Lee to death.

He didn't want to lose her.

And after last night he knew he couldn't just walk up to her and offer her to talk...as he should have done days ago.

But there was something else he could do for her. He could help her get Anders back in her life. He would talk to his father, for as long and as often as it took to convince him to send a team back to Caprica.

But first he had to talk to someone else. It was time he fixed this screwed up situation once and for all.

XXXXXXX

_"You know the President says that we're saving humanity for a bright, shiny future. On Earth. That you and I are never gonna see. We're not. Because we go out over and over again until someday, some metal mother frakker is gonna catch us on a bad day and just blow us away."_

Motionless Lee stood in front of the cold metal hatch. Kara's words kept replaying in his head. At a time not so long ago he had thought that he didn't care anymore. That if he would die now he wouldn't miss out on anything.

Except seeing his daughter grow up to become the beautiful, intelligent woman he knew she would one day be.

He wanted Nia to have this bright, shiny future. On earth, the Galactica – he didn't really care. As long as she was save. And the world she lived in was bright and shiny. And he wished the same for Alicia as well.

But it was just the opposite now. He hadn't heard his daughter laugh since he had moved out. She was suffering just like her parents were, even though she was too young to really understand what was going on.

Frak, not even he himself knew what was going on. Things had spiraled out of control, _his control_ ... and it was time he fixed that.

He had been a selfish bastard those last few weeks, hurting everyone around him and not even caring about it. Nia, Alicia, Kara ... he had hurt those that he loved most.

He would make it right.

Taking a deep breath, Lee opened the hatch.

"Ali ..."

XXXXXXX

Kara and Helo were both ending the day with a sparring match, both needing the chance to let go of some steam. They had been going against each other for a few minutes in silence before Kara suddenly began talking.

She wasn't sure herself what made her say the words ... maybe she just needed to say them out loud to believe them herself.

"I could have done it, you know." She delivered a punch at Helo's face that only slightly missed. "Could have taken out Scar. Head on pass." She punched him on the right side, a direct hit. "Straight for him. Just needed to get a little closer."

"So, why didn't you do it?" Helo replied through clenched teeth while he tried to catch his breath. Kara delivered some hard punches.

Kara only shrugged. "Probably would have died in the process. The bastard was too good." Another hit, missing Helo by only a small space. "Couple months ago, I wouldn't have even thought about that. Would have just gone for the glory hoping I could pull it out of the fire somehow." She ducked, escaping one of Helo's blows.

"Quit kicking yourself. You did the right thing and called in your wingman. Okay? Scar's dead. You and Kat came back alive." Helo hoped his words got through to Kara. He hated seeing her like this.

"It's not why I did it though." She shook her head. "Can't get Anders out of my head. Can't get over this insane hope that maybe he's alive." _Can't forget about Lee ..._

"You got something to live for now. Not just die for." He knew that feeling. He had Sharon and their unborn baby.

"Yeah." Kara whispered. "I have something to live for."

TBC


	32. Sacrifice

**I'm sooo sorry for the loooong time between chapters again. Anyone still reading this:o(**

**Thanks to Laurie for beta reading this chapter. You're the best! All mistakes are mine. **

**And thanks to everyone for still reading this story and sticking with me for so long.**

* * *

"Ali."

Alicia hadn't heard the door open. She had been enthralled by watching her daughter sleep. It had felt so easy tonight. She had sung her favorite song – Lee's favorite song actually – until Nia had fallen asleep. It had always been the memory of her father that gave her peace.

Alicia had given up hope that Lee would return to her. She had offered him a chance out. Had suggested a divorce. Had screamed in his face that their marriage was over. And he hadn't objected. He had only looked at her furiously. And as if on cue Kara had stepped between them and had taken Lee away from her.

And Alicia had believed that was the end.

And now she heard his voice, saying her name. She didn't dare look up only to find out that her imagination was playing a trick on her. She felt her arms trembling as she heard steps coming slowly closer. She pressed Nia closer to her, hoping that the little girl wouldn't wake up. She didn't think she could bare to see her daughter's disappointed face again when she woke up to saw that her father still hadn't returned.

Because it was impossible that Lee would ever return to her. She had betrayed him. She had lied. And she had killed their baby.

How could he ever forgive her?

And then there was still Kara. That damn woman who had stood between them from Day One. She had known that Lee had a special relationship with her. She had just never understood how special until the day Zak had died and she had seen the two grieving together and shutting every one else out.

But that had been followed by the worst fight when Kara had decided to take the position on the Galactica. Back then Alicia's relief had been as big as Lee's anger. She had been convinced that she wouldn't lose him, now that Kara was out of their lives.

And then she had gotten pregnant and they had gotten married and she had had the picture perfect life she had always dreamed about. Only to lose it again when she had gotten sick.

Lee had stayed with her then. He had stayed with her until the end of the worlds – literally. He had stayed with her when she had been stupid enough to try and take her life. Right in front of their daughter. She held the little girl even closer to her as the guilt welled up in her. She prayed every day that Nia had been too young to ever remember that night.

Lee had stayed with her through all that. He had given her a new chance again and again. And she had still managed to push him away.

It was impossible that he would ever return to her.

But then she heard the steps and felt his presence next to her. She felt his shoulder carefully touching hers as he sat down beside her on the bed. She saw his hand gently stroking Nia's hair as she had done a few moments before.

She couldn't stop the trembling anymore and already feared that Nia would wake up and destroy this daydream of her mother. But then Lee's hand slowly folded around hers and she knew it was true.

He was really here.

Slowly she looked up at him and what she saw in his eyes made her heart beat faster.

There was no trace of anger visible on his face. Only forgiveness, love and understanding.

She felt the tears well up in her eyes. Gods, she didn't deserve him. After everything she had done … he had come back to her once again.

"I'm sorry."

They had both spoken in unison and Alicia couldn't help but laugh quietly at their shared thoughts.

Lee also let out a small, nervous laugh and gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Alicia felt as if she was falling in love with him all over again.

"I missed you." She whispered.

"I missed you too." Lee gently put his arm around her shoulder and Alicia squeezed his hand slightly. She slowly leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes.

She was starting to believe that maybe she could get back her picture perfect life after all. Even with her disease. She didn't need to live in a big house with a big enough garden for her daughter to play in safely. This one room quarter with the tiny bathroom was all they really needed.

A lonely tear rolled down her face when Lee placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

She had been given a second chance and she wouldn't screw up ever again. From now on they would be completely honest with each other. No more secrets. Never again.

XXXXXXX

The next day Alicia was meeting with Brother Cavil for their weekly session. Cavil was using one of the guest quarters for these meetings. It was a cold room, not very comfortable equipped, but as he had explained to Alicia, he didn't bring very much from his home when he left Gemini for the trip to Picon – he hadn't really expected to end up running from the Cylons, never to return home. Alicia understood exactly how he felt. She too had only planned to leave Caprica for a day. To meet Lee on the Galactica, divert him from the meeting with his father and then return home. She had talked a lot about this with Brother Cavil as well as about her marriage problems or the fact that she felt as a failure as a mother.

Today she had finally found something good to talk about with him. Excitedly she told him everything about last night – well, almost everything.

"And that's it?" Brother Cavil asked carefully when she had finished. "You aren't going to talk about what happened?"

"We don't have to talk about it. Don't you see?" Alicia looked excitedly at the older man, the joy about being reunited with her husband radiating from every part of her body. "It is just as it was in the beginning. We don't have to talk, we just have to look at each other and know what the other is feeling. I never realized it, but we had lost that. Somehow since the attacks we lost that connection and we just kept living next to each other, but not with each other. But it's different now. When Lee came back last night and he looked at me, I knew he had forgiven me. For everything. And he didn't have to say it, I knew it in my heart that he was coming back to me because he wants us to be a family again. And we are."

Cavil looked at her thoughtfully. "So you are just going to act as if nothing happened? You're just going to forget the last few weeks?"

"Not forget." Alicia said earnestly. "Just remember. And make sure it doesn't happen again. I know I should have talked to Lee the minute he came back from Kobol. I should have listened to your advice and tell him about the abortion right away. But I didn't. I held back and that nearly destroyed everything. I was so afraid to lose him that I pushed him away. And it got only worse when he left for the Pegasus. But he's back now and from now on we're going to be completely honest with each other."

"About everything?" Cavil asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Absolutely everything. No more secrets." Alicia said determinedly.

"And what does Lee think about this whole honesty agreement?" Cavil asked quietly.

"We haven't really talked about it." Alicia looked at him scolding. "It's just something that's clear between us. Having secrets drew us apart. It won't happen again. Besides, I kept a lot more from Lee than he kept from me, so I'm the one who has to learn to open up more."

"What about Kara Thrace?"

Alicia froze slightly at the question and a flash of doubt flickered through her eyes. But only for a second and then all the determination she had felt before was back.

"Lee came back to me." She said firmly. "I asked him for a divorce and he could have gone to Kara. But he didn't. He chose me."

"Then so be it." Cavil smiled.

XXXXXXX

When Kara entered the briefing room, she saw Lee writing the new roaster on the white board. He was smiling when he included his own name and Kara was smiling right there with him. It was good to see him back in the cockpit. She had missed him out there.

"It's good to see you back in the cockpit, Apollo. I was sick of covering for you." She teased him.

She tried not to feel hurt when she saw Lee tense at hearing her voice. They hadn't really talked yet about what had happened two nights ago. To tell the truth, they hadn't talked at all. They had even managed to avoid talking about work. She knew it would have been best if they had talked about it right the next day. They could hardly ignore the fact that they had almost had sex with each other.

But now she was here. And even if she wasn't really planning on talking about that night, she wanted to make things right again. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Lee turned around to her.

He was smiling. "I was just testing the squad's ability to work under pressure." He quipped.

"Yeah right." Smirking, Kara took a seat in the front row. Lee was smiling at her. A true, honest smile that made all the tension and doubt leave her body.

Just like that they were back to their usual bantering. She hadn't thought that it would be this easy.

"Dad said it was quite a party yesterday. You deserved it." Lee took a step forward and Kara thought that maybe he would take a seat next to her. But then he stayed where he was. He was probably thinking that keeping a certain distance was the safer way. And he was probably right.

"It was Kat's party, not mine." She corrected him. She was surprised how easy that admittance came from her. After all her fighting with Kat the last couple of weeks she had thought that it would kill her to admit that the younger hotshot pilot had done something she hadn't been able to. Not that she couldn't have taken Scar out. If anyone was able to do that, it was her. But it was time to grow up and not telling anyone that she had lead Scar right into Kat's line of fire was a grown up thing. She was sure Lee was proud of her for that. Or he would have if they hadn't almost had sex with each other.

"She couldn't have done it without you. You did good." Lee told her with a small smile. He did sound proud, Kara noticed surprised.

She decided to just shrug it off and stood up again. She turned to leave, but then hesitated a moment. There was one more thing she had to clear between them before things could get back to normal. "Rumor mill has it the CAG moved back to his quarters."

She looked at Lee and saw the guilt well up in his eyes. All the tension between them was back and that was all the answer she needed.

"Rumor mill is right. I'm sorry, I should have told you myself." Lee said quietly.

"I can imagine you were pretty busy last night." Kara said bitter and hated herself for that. She wanted to make things right between them, not worse.

"Kara ..."

She quickly interrupted him. "I'm happy for you, Lee. I really am." And she was. In a way.

"I want you to be happy too." Lee said quietly and the look in his eyes broke her heart.

Why couldn't she be happy with him? But she already knew the answer.

"I am. Or ... I will be." She let out a small laugh and hoped that Lee would believe her. "I'm working on it. I made your Dad give me a few days off after we leave this frakking field of asteroids behind us. I was thinking a few days in Cloud Nine's most disreputable bars should do the trick."

She gave him her typical Starbuck wide grin and Lee looked as if he indeed did believe her. Almost.

"Sounds like fun."

"It will be. You should try it. I'm sure Alicia would love some time on Cloud Nine." It hurt to say those words but Kara actually felt a little bit better afterwards. It was about time she accepted that Lee was married. Once and for all. He had made his decision. Just as she had always known he would.

"My Dad would have a fit if we'd both leave at the same time." Lee laughed.

"Actually, he said something like: That would sound good for my kids." Kara smiled, imitating the Admiral in a low voice.

"My kids?" Lee asked laughing, cocking an eyebrow at Kara. "That doesn't really sound like my father."

"The Old Man is full of surprises." She laughed. Her eyes glanced over to the roaster and suddenly she had an idea. If anything would make things better between them again, this would be it. "You know, I think you made a mistake there."

"What?" Lee followed her line of sight and looked at the Roster in confusion. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to figure out what she was talking about. "I can't see anything ..."

"Let me show you." Brushing past him, Kara wiped out a few names from the whiteboard and took the pen from Lee's hand to fill in new ones. She tried to ignore the warm feeling that rushed through her at the small touch of their hands. Once she was done writing, she took a step back and looked at the changed roster with satisfaction. "There, now it's right."

Astounded Lee stared at the whiteboard. "Are you sure?"

Kara looked at him in all earnest. "Lee, you have always been my wingman. No need to change that now."

They both looked at each other for a long moment.

"No, no need to change it." Lee finally smiled.

And that was that. Apollo and Starbuck were flying together again.

XXXXXXX

_**One week later**_

"Oh my gods, I can't believe we are really here." Laughing Alicia let herself fall on the big, comfortable bed and rested her head on one of the many soft cushions. "This feels like heaven."

"Yes, it does." Smiling Lee took a seat next to her on the bed. He glanced at her nervously. "Um, maybe I should check in with Galactica, see if everything is okay. I mean, with Kara and me both gone ..."

"Lee, relax." Sitting up behind him, Alicia put her arms around his shoulders. "You've only been gone for a bit over an hour. How much can go wrong in one hour?"

"We're at war, you never know ..."

"Lee, if anything goes wrong, they know how to reach you. And should the Cylons attack ... Cloud Nine does have an alarm system too, you know?"

Sighing Lee turned around and gave her one of his charming smiles. "You're right. Let's enjoy our time here."

Lee pulled his arms around her waist and pulled them both back down on the bed. Lying next to each other, they looked each other deep in the eyes.

"I had never thought it would be like this again." Alicia whispered.

Lee took a moment before he replied. "Let's just make sure it will be like this forever from now on."

"Forever and a day." She smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

They stayed like this for a long while, just holding on to each other, looking at each other and talking about the old times. It even felt like old times.

Until Lee felt this itching feeling in his gut again. Alicia could practically see the worry return to him.

He looked at her apologetically. "You know, um, maybe I should just make a quick call, you know, just to make sure everything is all right."

"Lee ..."

"I know, I'm sorry." He sighed." I just have this bad feeling. Listen, why don't you change into something nice while I make the call and then we go down to the bar?"

"Something nice? You mean this isn't nice enough?" Alicia mocked him.

Lee replied with a lopsided grin. "Everything on you looks nice. Though I have to admit, without it ..." He slowly started to unbutton her blouse and started kissing her neck. "... I like you even better."

"Really?" Closing her eyes, Alicia let Lee slowly undress her.

Lee made his call an hour later than planned. And being on Cloud Nine felt like heaven even more than before.

XXXXXXX

"This deserves a real celebration." Lee said as he stood up. "I'm going to get us the best ambrosia this bar has to offer."

"You really don't have to do that." Billy said. "I mean, the prizes they have here, even if they don't take money anymore, but ..."

"Don't worry, Cloud Nine has a special offer for pilots. Everything's for free. It's their way to make sure we protect them properly." Lee grinned.

"Oh, well, in that case ... Does the President know about that?" Billy asked worried.

"Probably not." Lee smirked. "And I don't think she would like it, so you better keep this a secret."

Lee left to get the ambrosia and Billy excused himself for a moment too. He was on Cloud Nine for official business and had to report to Colonial One every few hours. There was a phone at the back of the bar he wanted to use.

"You're not going to rat us out to the President over the free ambrosia, are you?" Dee teased him.

"I'm planning to enjoy that ambrosia myself, so I'll just forget to mention it." Billy grinned and gave his new fiancée a quick kiss.

"You two look so happy." Alicia said after Billy had left.

"We are." Dee smiled. "I'm glad that things seem to be okay again with you and Lee. You look happy as well."

"And we are. Things have been rough, even before this whole Kobol incident, and we kept drifting apart. We both made mistakes and instead of talking about it we kept it to ourselves." Alicia looked intently at Dee. "Make sure this never happens with you and Billy. Just be honest with each other and hopefully something like this will never happen to you."

"We will be." Dee looked as earnest as Alicia, but a moment later a small smile flickered over her face. "Billy is the most honest person I know. I don't think he could keep a secret even if his life depended on it. At least as long as it is not work related." She laughed.

Alicia glanced over to the bar and suddenly had to laugh out loud. Dee shot her a questioning look.

"Ellen Tigh. She's had her eyes on Lee since she came on the Galactica." She pointed to the bar. "She is Lee's worst nightmare."

Dee followed her line of sight and saw Lee speaking politely to Saul Tigh's wife. She could see through the whole room that he wanted nothing more than to run as far and as fast as possible.

Alicia watched her husband talking with Ellen Tigh for a while, when she noticed a change in his demeanor. He suddenly looked worried and his eyes wandered around the room. Then their eyes met and he cast her an apologetic, devastated look. Before she could make any sense of it, he had grabbed Ellen and dragged her into the restroom.

"What the ...?" Alicia mumbled when suddenly shots rang through the room. Both she and Alicia threw themselves on the floor to get some cover.

XXXXXXX

"So, you have been meeting with that Cylon again?" Tigh asked. He had seen the Marines escorting the Cylon, _Boomer_, out of the Admiral's quarters when he had come by to pick Adama up on his way to CIC.

"Yes, I have." Adama replied quietly.

"You know, if people knew how much you've relied on that thing's so-called intelligence, they'd be scared out of their wits." Tigh growled. He knew it worried _him_ that Adama was trusting the enemy so much.

Adama seemed to have read his thoughts. "What about you, Saul? Are you afraid of her?"

"You know, the truth is ..." Tigh stopped in front of the entrance to CIC. "I don't like the way it's gotten under your skin."

Before Adama could reply anything, the Comm Officer interrupted them. " Colonel Tigh, Admiral, you need to hear this."

"Put it on the speakers." Adama hoped this wasn't some kind of emergency. He would hate to call Lee back from Cloud Nine. He and Alicia needed this time off and Adama was determined to keep as much problems away from them as possible. He had even went as far and had made it in order that every problem concerning pilots or vipers should be brought to his attention during the CAG's and Starbuck's, who was usually Lee's replacement, absence. And gods, there had been a lot of problems. Lee had only been gone for a few hours and Adama had already been called three times. He had forgotten how busy being the CAG was.

"Saul ..."

The voice of Ellen Tigh coming through the comm speakers pulled him out of his thoughts. He suppressed a groan. What had this woman done now?

"Ellen? What's wrong?" Tigh asked worried, not caring that the whole CIC could see and hear him. He usually hated to lose his calm in front of his crew. But this was his wife.

"They're holding us hostage. They're threatening to kill us!"

A deathly silence fell over the room at her words. Tigh stared in horror at the phone in his hands and Adama tried to remember where Ellen was a the moment. He was pretty sure she wasn't on the Galactica. If there had been a hostage situation, surely he would have found out before one of the hostages had had the chance to call CIC.

Another woman's voice coming through the speakers told him what he needed to know.

"My name is Sesha Abinell. I have seized control of the Cloud Nine lounge ... and held the people in it hostage."

Cloud Nine.

Adama froze at the mention of the ship's name that his son and daughter-in-law were on at the time. And not to forget the woman who meant as much to him as a daughter. His family.

The lounge. This woman had said the lounge. Not a place Kara was likely to visit. He knew about her affection for more darker bars. Lee and Alicia on the other hand ...

"What do you want?" Tigh barked into the receiver, ending Adama's rambling thoughts. He needed to concentrate more on this and forget about his personal feelings. As always.

"What I want ... this is not about what I want." Sesha Abinell's hissing voice was heard. "The colonial fleet has become a Cylon-occupied territory. You are working in collusion with a Cylon agent - the very same model of a Cylon who tried to murder you, Admiral Adama. On your own ship! We want Sharon Valerii. You have two hours."

The connection was cut and only static was left coming out of the speakers.

"Get me everything you can on Sesha Abinell." Adama ordered.

"Yes, Sir."

"What are we going to do know?" Tigh wanted to know. He looked angry. Very angry.

"We don't negotiate with terrorists." Adama replied calmly.

"It's a frakking Cylon, Bill. You're willing to risk these people's lives, my _wife_ over this thing?" Tigh barked. He had tried to speak quietly, but the anger he was feeling inside of him, that he had felt since Adama had decided to trust this abomination for the first time, made his voice sound loud enough for everyone in CIC to hear him.

"We don't. Negotiate. With terrorists." Adama put emphasize on every word. He wanted to make sure everyone in CIC understood that he meant it. With or without his son being on that ship. "Get me the President."

He hated it, but he needed to inform Roslin. This was a civilian matter as much as a military one.

A short while later Gaeta returned with the information he had collected on Sesha Abinell.

"Fleet records indicate she's the widow of a Ray Abinell. He was a casualty aboard the Greenleaf Freighter when the Cylons hit it about ten weeks ago."

"Widow." Adama cursed inwardly. So she had nothing to lose. " Who do we have aboard Cloud Nine?" As if he didn't already know.

"Uh, rotation schedule shows ... Captain Adama, half a marine squad, and Starbuck's already there on R & R." Gaeta replied.

Adama thought about it for a moment. Lee was the highest ranking officer. It would only be logical to call him, let him take care of this situation. He would be the best man for this, not only because of his rank, but also because it wouldn't be the first time he had handled this kind of situation.

But Lee was there with Alicia to save their marriage.

"Get me Starbuck right away." He ordered. He would deal with Lee's anger about being left out of this when he was back on Galactica. After having enjoyed a relaxing vacation with his wife without any disturbances.

"Yes, sir."

"Starbuck?" Tigh looked at Adama with a raised eyebrow. "I know you don't like Ellen very much, but ..."

"She is the best option for the job, Colonel. I trust her completely." He wasn't going to admit that there were actually personal reasons influencing his decision. Something he had vowed not to do when Lee had become a member of his crew. But he had seen him being a shadow of himself these last few weeks and if this vacation would help him resolve his problems with Alicia, he wouldn't take this chance away from him. And he did trust Kara to do the job.

XXXXXXX

"You have wonderful blue eyes." Jack Garner, or something similar, Kara hadn't really paid much attention when he had introduced himself, tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"They're green, actually." Kara smirked and snatched Jack's glass of ambrosia from him.

"It's the stupid lightning in here. Maybe we should go somewhere else? I would love to see the color of your eyes and talk to you somewhere more ... comfortable than this bar stools." He gave her a cocky smile.

"I'm not nearly drunk enough to leave here yet, Jack. I'm planning to stay a while longer." She held her glass up for the bartender to give her a refill.

"It's Dave, actually, but hey, I can be Jack if you like."

Before Kara could reply anything, the bartender – his name was Charlie; Kara always knew the bartender's name – held a phone receiver in front of her face. "You Thrace?"

"Yes." Kara eyed him suspiciously.

"Call for you. From Galactica."

"Great." Kara knew this couldn't mean anything good. "Good bye, R&R."

She shrugged apologetically at Jack – or Dan, or whatever his name was – and took the phone from Charlie, her most favorite person in this room.

"This is Starbuck."

Five minutes later, Kara was walking down a corridor leading to one of Cloud Nine's more luxurious bars. A group of Marines were already waiting for her.

"Good to see you, Gunny. I'm gonna need some of those gorillas you call Marines." She shot him a confident grin. She knew these guys long enough to joke around with them. She had getting drunk with most of them through the years.

"Most of my gorillas are already here, Sir. Just trying to cop a little R & R." Captain Burrel, the leading member of the Marines, told her.

"Tell me about it." Kara sighed. "All right, here's what we know. We've got an unknown number of shooters and at least 20 hostages. And about a 90-minute window before they start throwing out bodies."

"You got a plan, Sir?"

"Lock and load. Let's figure out the rest as we go along." Kara grinned. She would do this the Starbuck way. What better way was there?

XXXXXXX

Adama was on the phone with Starbuck again, discussing their next moves, when another call from Sesha Abinell came in. He ordered to keep her on line with them, before he changed channels.

"Adama."

Abinell cut to the chase immediately. "We're losing oxygen. If it's not restored, the hostages die."

"Then you'll all die. Because this is over." Adama replied coldly. Inwardly he raked his brain what this oxygen loss could mean.

"Not until the Cylon's dead. I'm willing to die to see this through." Abinell paused for a short moment. "You willing to risk your son's life?"

Adama froze at her words. Damn it, they had Lee. Why hadn't he made sure about Lee's whereabouts earlier? Him being in the bar had been an option. An option Adama hadn't really been willing to think about. And not only was Lee there, but the hostage takers knew who he was.

"Son of a bitch." Kara's hissing voice was heard through the comm. She had listened to every word Abinell had said.

"Suddenly you're listening." Abinell said satisfied.

"Gods damn it, give her what she wants! Give her the Cylon!" Ellen Tigh's voice rang through the comm.

Tigh immediately tensed when he heard his wife. Ellen sounded scared. And there wasn't much that could scare his wife.

"You're all alone on this, Admiral." Abinell continued.

"I'm not gonna sacrifice a military asset on your altar of revenge." Adama replied. They didn't negotiate with terrorists. That was rule No. 1 in situations like this.

"What are you talking about? This isn't a ..."

"You said this was about us being played by the Cylons." Adama interrupted her. "But it isn't. It's about the loss of your husband and I understand that. It's about you wanting to strike back and I understand that too. But we've all lost people that we care about. And we learn to live with it." The last few months he had thought too many times that he had lost Lee. If he understood anything, than the feeling of loss and wanting revenge.

"I am sure you are aware, Admiral, of the concrete evidence that Caprica's defenses were compromised by a Cylon agent who infiltrated the Ministry of Defense on the eve of the attacks." Abinell went on, not willing to give in.

Adama feared that she wouldn't give in, no matter what. And no amount of talking would change that. But he had to try anyway. At the least, it would buy them more time. "People look for complicated answers when something terrible happens. Maybe we were just caught by surprise and were beaten. And maybe we have to learn to live with that."

"And maybe you are just missing the point." Abinell replied cynically. "You were infiltrated. You! The military! And you are being infiltrated again right now. You can sit there and pretend you know what you're doing, but you do not. You are being played. And the rest of us do not want to go down with your ship. I want this air system restored right now. One person comes in alone, fixes it, leaves. Anything goes wrong, somebody gets hurt, it's on your head."

Once again Abinell ended the conversation without waiting for Adama to reply. It was starting to piss him off.

"Keep a direct line open to Cloud Nine." He ordered.

"What do we do?" Tigh asked.

Adama hated to give in to one of the hostage taker's demands. But he didn't really have any other choice. They needed more time to come up with the plan and if they were really losing oxygen, time was something they didn't have. "We repair the air system." He saw Tigh cast him an angry glance. " Saul, we can't give her Sharon. I hope you know that, right?

"I know that. We can't start dealing with the terrorists. We start now, it'll open the floodgates, and it'll never stop. But by the way, it's not "Sharon". It's a frakkin' Cylon."

"You don't think I know that?" Adama sighed.

"I think there's part of you that looks into that thing's eyes and still sees that young girl that reported aboard two years ago as a rook pilot. Well, it's not. It never was. Bill, it's a machine."

Adama wanted to snap at him that if anyone knew that it was him. After all, he had been the one who got shot by Sharon. The Cylon. The thing. The only problem was, he didn't see her as a thing. He had talked to her, had seen her belly grow every time he saw her. She looked and talked like a living, breathing person and it got harder every time he met with her to remember who or what she really was. Maybe Tigh was more right than he was willing to admit.

"Admiral? It's captain Thrace."

"Sitrep." Adama spoke into the receiver. He hoped she had at least some good news for him.

"I had one of the cloud nine techs double-check the oxygen feed in there. There's nothing wrong with the air." Kara reported.

"Could be a glitch."

"Or maybe someone screwed with one of the CO-2 censors in the bar." Kara offered.

They were both thinking the same.

"Lee. Why?" He asked.

"Maybe he's giving us an opening." Kara suggested. "If I can get someone inside, get a clear idea of what we're dealing with ..."

"Kara, this is a recon mission." Adama cut in. "Get someone to volunteer. Then you assess the situation. And then get the hell out of there. Do you understand?" He didn't want anything to go wrong. Lee's life was at stake here and he wasn't willing to risk that. There had been too many close calls in the past.

"Yes, sir."

XXXXXXX

"Close the hatch. Search her."

"You might not want to do that. You're running out of air in here."

The moment Alicia saw Kara walking into the bar, dressed as maintenance, she felt her stomach churn. And she suddenly knew how Lee must feel everytime he had a bad feeling. She was definitely experiencing a bad-feeling kind of moment. She just wasn't sure what it meant.

She watched how Kara was searched for weapons and came out clear. She released the breath she hadn't even realized she had been holding.

"Can I have my hand back now?" Lee whispered and gave her a small smile.

She looked at him blank for a moment and then followed his eyes down to their hands. She was clasping tightly to Lee's hand. Another thing she hadn't noticed.

"Sorry." She whispered back, but before she could retreat her hand, Lee gave her a slight squeeze in return.

"It will be okay."

Alicia swallowed. She hoped he was right. She knew he believed in Kara's abilities to achieve everything. But she wasn't sure if she trusted the other woman enough to get them out of here unharmed.

Her eyes followed Kara walking slowly through the room and heading for one of the service hatches. She knew this was somehow all part of Lee's masterplan, as he had kindly called it to her. Even though he didn't have the chance to explain it, she figured he had done something with the oxygen sensor when he had still been hiding in the restroom. That was the only explanation for his lack of concern for the reported oxygen loss Sesha Abinell, the woman leading the hostage takers, had talked about.

Alicia was still watching Kara, when it happened. She passed Ellen Tigh and the older woman looked at her, recognition shining in her eyes.

Only for a short moment and she looked down again right away, but it was too late. She had been discovered.

"Wait a minute. Turn around slowly." One of the hostage takers was holding his gun at Kara. He turned slightly to one of his companions, his eyes never leaving Kara. "Check the box again."

What happened next, went too fast for Alicia to grasp what was going on. She saw Kara pulling out something of the toolbox she had been carrying. Guns – it had to have been guns.

Suddenly the room was filled with shots and screams of anger and pain. She saw Marines enter the bar through the still half opened hatch. Two went down immediately.

It took Alicia a moment to realize they had been shot.

Then she saw nothing anymore. She only felt how Lee pushed her behind a table that he had turned over for cover. The next thing she knew, Lee wasn't at her side anymore, but half standing and trying to … to do something. Because Lee was a soldier and he couldn't sit still when all hell broke loose around him. In that moment Alicia cursed Bill Adama for raising his son to be like this.

But only a second later all thoughts of cursing her father-in-law were gone when she saw Lee falling back. His eyes were wide in surprise and he crashed into a table, unable to stop the fall in any way. Alicia held her breath – again, and this time she knew exactly that she was doing it – and she counted the seconds until Lee would get up again.

Only he didn't get up. And that's when she saw the blood on his shirt.

"LEE!"

XXXXXXXX

Impatiently Adama stared at the receiver. He was waiting for Kara's report on the recon mission.

He hated waiting. In all the years, he had never managed to lose this feeling of usefulness while he waited for a mission to be over. He appeared calm on the outside, that he had learned. But inwardly he counted the seconds until it was over. And it had only become worse since his son was involved. There was a reason family members weren't allowed to serve on the same ship.

"Sir, it's Starbuck. We got a report of gunshots." The comm officer said tensely.

Finally.

"What's happening?" Adama blared into the phone. Gunshots didn't sound like the mission had gone according to plan.

"My cover was blown. I had to move. I'm sorry." Kara's voice sounded small and shaky and too quiet to really belong to Kara.

"Any casualties?" Adama asked.

"Two marines. Probably KIA ... at least one of the gunmen ... " Her voice trembled and it sounded as if she had trouble at getting out the next words. "... and Lee."

Adama grabbed the console in front of him. The world suddenly started spinning. No ... this couldn't be. Not Lee. Not like this. He was on vacation. He was safe. Not in battle. Not in any danger to being shot down by incoming raiders. He felt Tigh's presence next to him and his hand on his shoulder, trying to give comfort. He didn't want comfort. He wanted to know that is son was all right.

"It was crazy in there, confused." Kara went on, her voice almost inaudible. "He got hit."

"How bad?" Adama swallowed. _Just a scratch, please let it only be a scratch._

"I don't know." Kara sobbed and Adama wanted to shake her. How could she not know? This was Lee. I don't know was not an answer he could accept when it came to Lee.

"Stand by. Hold your position." He barked. "Make no move unless you hear from me." _Don't make this any worse than it already is. _

Kara kept talking though as if she hadn't even heard him. "It was friendly fire. Lee got hit by friendly fire. I think it was me."

Adama felt his breath caught in his chest. He felt the bile rise in his throat.

"We'll get him out of there in time." Tigh said quietly next to him.

Adama nodded. Right. They would get him out.

"You have your orders." He said to Kara.

Then he handed the receiver to Tigh and turned around to leave.

"Where are you going?" Tigh asked.

"I'm going to talk to ... the Cylon. And then I'll get my son home."

XXXXXXX

45 minutes and a long discussion with Roslin later, Adama stood in front of Cloud Nine's lounge, Sharon Valerii's body on a gurney behind him. Only one hatch separated him from his son. He prayed to the gods that he wasn't too late.

"_Your son's dying."_

Sasha Abinell's words haunted him since he had talked to her the last time. He was afraid what he would find behind that door. Had they been here in time? Would Lee still be alive? They had wasted so much time ...

"Admiral. Let me help. Please."

Kara had appeared next to Adama and looked at him with pleading eyes. So far he had managed to ignore her. He didn't want to talk to her. He couldn't. She had shot Lee. She was responsible for the danger his son was in.

Again.

"Let me take it from here." He only looked at her coldly as he spoke. Then he turned to the Marines. "Let's go."

The hatch opened and Adama followed the Marines inside. His eyes searched the room for his son, but he couldn't see him anywhere. He made a few steps forward and suddenly he saw Alicia behind one of the tables. She was kneeling on the floor, leaning slightly forward. Her lips were moving. That was all Adama could see but he just knew that it was Lee she was talking to.

He was still alive.

"Admiral."

Adama forced his eyes away from his daughter-in-law and concentrated on the situation at hand. He took in the hostage takers surrounding them, the guns at the ready. A woman, he assumed it was Sesha Abinell, looked at him expectantly.

Without saying anything, Adama unveiled the corpse of Sharon Valerii enough to see the young woman's head. It was obvious to everyone that she was dead.

Sesha Abinell took a deep breath and went a step closer. She looked at the body for a long moment. Adama wanted to scream at her to hurry. She had what she wanted. She could retreat now and let them take care of the hostages. Let him see Lee.

Suddenly Sesha pulled out her gun and shot the Cylon in the head. Three times.

"It's over." She said satisfied, her eyes never leaving the dead Cylon in front of her.

Adama let out a relieved breath. It was over. Abinell and her people would leave. They would deal with them later. For now all that mattered was tending to the injured.

"Wait ... this isn't right."

Adama glared at one of the hostage takers. He had stepped up to the gurney and stared intently at Boomer's dead body. He already had Abinell's attention. Damn it, Adama swore inwardly.

"This one's been dead for weeks." The man went on. He uncovered the body some more and obvious signs of a weeks old autopsy were revealed. "Their Cylon is still alive."

"Kill the wife!" Abinell ordered coldly. She glared at Adama angrily.

"Now." Adama yelled and more Marines stormed the room. Immediately everyone opened fire. A minute later it was over. All hostage takers were dead.

As soon as the shooting had stopped, Adama ran to where he had seen Alicia kneeling on the floor. When he came nearer, his eyes finally fell on Lee. The first thing he noticed was his pale skin and the sweat on his forehead. Then his eyes took in the blood on his shirt and the ground.

A second later he was at Lee's side and took his hand in his. He held it closely to his heart.

"Lee. Lee, can you hear me?" His son's eyes were open, but he stared unfocused at his surroundings. "Lee! Can you hear me, Lee? Come on, son. Come on, hurry up." He shouted for the medics to help his son.

"Dad ..." Lee moaned.

"That's good. That's good son. I'm here, just hang on. Everything will be all right. I'm here." He felt Lee's fingers move slightly in his hand as if he tried to hold onto him. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'll stay right here with you."

Finally the medics appeared and even though he had promised not to let go, Adama had to step back to make room for them to treat his son. But he stayed close and knelt down next to Lee's leg, patting it again and again. He wanted Lee to know he hadn't left. His eyes went in search for Alicia who had leaned against a pillar. She was trembling visibly and she had her arms pulled around her. Without giving it a second thought, Adama pulled out of his uniform jacket and placed it over Alicia's shoulders.

"Thank you." He said quietly before he returned to his place next to Lee.

Alicia looked at him questioningly.

"For taking care of him." Adama had seen Alicia putting pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. Without it, Lee would probably be dead by now.

"Thank you for coming here in time." She whispered in return.

Adama smiled sadly. He wished he could have been here before Lee had been hurt.

XXXXXXX

Several hours later Adama and Alicia were sitting at Lee's side in sickbay, waiting for him to finally wake up. They hadn't talked much since Lee had come out of surgery. Both were lost in their own thoughts.

The more surprised Adama was when Alicia suddenly started talking.

"Her eyes lid up the second she saw her father." Alicia said quietly, a far away look in her eyes.

"What?" Adama cast her a questioning glance.

"Nia. When Lee came back and she saw him, Nia knew in that instant that it would be forever. That we were a family again." Alicia swallowed and wiped a tear from her cheek. "She laughed and Lee played with her and she giggled. Actually, they both did and it was the cutest picture I have ever seen." Her voice hitched and a sob escaped her lips. "Gods, I can't believe I ever talked about a divorce. The three of us together, that's how it is supposed to be."

"And it will be." Adama reached across the bed and squeezed Alicia's hand that was holding onto Lee's tightly. "Lee will be all right. You heard what Cottle said. He's the best."

"Then why isn't he waking up?" Alicia whispered.

"His body needs time to recover. He will wake up when he's ready." Adama tried to reassure her. "It took me almost a week to wake up after I got shot. Lee is strong. A lot stronger than I am. He will be all right."

Alicia nodded slowly. "I hope you're right."

"I am."

She wanted to believe him. If there weren't Brother Cavil's words haunting her.

"_You will end up separated. This won't be forever."_

She had tried to forget his warning. He was convinced that their renewed marriage was only for a short while. That things would get back to how they were before fast and everything would start again. A cycle of hell. But Alicia refused to believe him. She and Lee were meant to be together. They had been through so much, it couldn't end like this.

They both fell silent again and took on their vigil at Lee's side. About an hour later, Lee finally showed signs of waking up. His eyes were moving behind still closed eyelids and both Alicia and Adama felt his fingers moving in their hands.

"He's waking up." Adama said excitedly.

"Lee?" He bend over and tried to coach his son back into wakefulness. "It's time to wake up, son."

When Lee finally did open his eyes, they locked with Alicia's immediately.

"Hey." Alicia swallowed and a tear rolled down her face. She wanted to say more, but right now couldn't form any coherent words. All she could think of was that Lee was finally, _finally _waking up.

Adama stayed quiet and tried to stay in the background. This was a time for husband and wife. He would get his chance to talk to his son. And if not this time, then when he would wake up the next time.

"Hey." Lee whispered. His voice was sounding hoarse and weak, yet it was the most wonderful sound they had heard in a long time. Lee blinked a few times and then looked at his wife in confusion. He had seen the tears and wondered what was wrong. He hadn't quite grasped the fact yet that he was lying in a sickbay bed. "What is it?"

"Nothing." Alicia assured him. "Everything is all right now."

Lee looked around the room and his eyes fell onto his father.

"Dad?" He asked confused. He narrowed his eyes and tried to understand what was going on. It took him a moment to realize that he was lying in a sickbay bed. He looked back to Alicia, what was a lot harder than he had thought. His head seemed to way a ton and the world span in and out of focus. Eventually he managed to focus on his wife and he noticed how pale and tired she looked. She seemed to be worried and happy at the same time. It didn't seem to make any sense, but he felt too tired to think about it now. He was just about to ask what had happened – because asking felt a lot easier then trying to come up with an answer by himself right now - when suddenly it all came back.

"Oh ..." Lee closed his eyes as the images flashed through his mind.

"It's all right, son. Everything's fine. You're save." Adama reassured his son.

Lee nodded weakly and looked back at Alicia. "This was a hell of a vacation." He slurred.

"Yeah." Alicia laughed quietly.

"Sorry ..." His voice trailed off and his eyes fell close again for a moment. He took a deep breath and winced when he felt a stinging pain in his shoulder.

"Easy, son." Adama felt the pain right there with his son. He had enough experience with shotgun wounds to know the kind of pain his son was in. And he would have done anything right now to take that away from him.

"Layne should be here any minute to give you more pain medication." Alicia told him. She smiled warmly when she saw his eyes open again. "What are you sorry for?"

"I ... missed ... the one." The words sounded slurred and almost too quiet to understand them, but Alicia knew what he was saying.

"_Just shoot down the one aiming his guns at you. That's all." _

_"Just this one, huh?"_

She smiled at the memory. "That's okay. I was there to make sure you came out of it alive. And your father came in time to get us both out."

"Thanks." Lee moaned weakly and his eyes fell close again. His fingers around her hand loosened and Alicia noticed that he had lost consciousness again.

"Lee? Lee, you can't leave. You have to stay. You have to really stay. You understand?" Alicia wasn't sure why this new unconsciousness was making her feel so scared. It was normal after the trauma his body went through. Cottle had warned them that he would slip in and out of consciousness for the next day or two. She couldn't explain it, but seeing Lee so motionless send shivers of fear down her spine. A bad feeling in her gut told her that things might not end as happy as she had been hoping for. Growing old together was an easy plan, but it was as easily destroyed.

"He'll be all right." Adama said quietly. He was using his usual calm voice. It made Alicia feel safe. Safe enough to believe him for now that everything would be okay. Lee would be fine. She would take the rest as it came.

XXXXXXX

Silently Kara stood in the doorway, most parts of her body hidden in the dark. She had watched the short exchange between Lee and his family. She was so relieved to see him awake, even if only for such a short moment.

Gods, she had nearly killed him. First Zak and now Lee. She was a curse for the Adama family. Lee had done right to stay away from her. Alicia was good for him. How could she have ever believed that she might have a future with Lee?

She had nearly killed him. His eyes locking with hers in the moment he went down would haunt her forever. The realization that it had been her who had shot him. The question in his eyes ... as if she would have ever done something like this on purpose.

But how could he not question her? She had already killed his brother. And now him ...

Adama's glare when he had arrived on Cloud Nine had told her that he was thinking the same. She was a curse for his family.

Kara had wanted to make things right between them. But instead she had almost killed him. She closed her eyes for a moment and quietly left sickbay. It was time she learned from her mistakes and stayed away from the Adama family. For good this time.

TBC


	33. The Captain's Hand Part 1

**A.N.: Thanks to everyone for reading and especially to the reviewers. It's all very much appreciated :o) And thank you to Laurie for her fantastic beta'ing. **

**This chapter turned out to be a bit long, so I decided to split in into two parts. Part 2 is already finished and beta'ed and will be posted next week.**

* * *

"Good Morning, son." Smiling, Adama stepped into his son's sickbay room. Since Lee had been shot, the worried father had made it a habit to check on him first thing in the morning and every chance he got in between.

"Good? What's good about this morning?" Lee grumbled.

Adama cocked an eyebrow at him and tried to hide his grin. He could understand Lee's demeanor. He had been in the same situation not so long ago. Only that, despite being shot three times instead of one, he had gotten help immediately and hadn't laid bleeding half to death for hours. Also, he hadn't had a wife who watched over every step of his recovery and made sure he didn't overexert himself. Adama had been able to force his way back to work. Alicia would make sure Lee didn't do the same. And Adama was grateful for that. He didn't want Lee to go through the same pain he himself had hid from everyone after returning to work.

"Someone's in a good mood." He teased his son.

"I'm stuck in this bed for over a week now, Dad. With nothing to do!" Lee sighed frustrated. "I would give my right arm for a stack of paperwork right now."

"Cottle says you still need to rest." Adama said quietly.

"I am resting." Lee objected.

"And you'll continue to. Lee …," Adama paused a moment," you have a very severe

wound. You almost died."

"So I've been told." Lee let out another frustrated breath. "But so did you. And you returned to work a lot sooner."

Adama smiled at his son's impatience. It was a good sign that he was getting better. "Well, I'm a Commander. My only job is to stand around in CIC and give orders." Adama raised a hand when he saw Lee open his mouth to object. "You're a viper pilot. I need you to be sharp."

Lee's shoulders slumped down and he let his head fall back on the pillow. Adama cringed at the hopelessness in his son's posture. And he caved.

"All right, I'll get Hotdog to bring you some paperwork later. But only a little bit at a time." He grinned at the sudden excitement in Lee's eyes. He looked like the little boy he once had been who had gotten his first toy viper. Adama would deal with Cottle and Alicia later. Or hide long enough until their wrath had passed.

"Thanks, Dad." Lee smiled gratefully.

Adama swallowed, a lump suddenly building in his throat. This felt like a real father-son moment they so seldom had. He loved it.

"Hey Daddy!" A tiny voice rang through the room.

A small figure rushed by Adama, crawled on the chair standing next to Lee's bed and then threw herself in her father's arms. Lee stifled a groan when a sharp pain lanced through his shoulder.

"Careful, Nia!" Both Adama and Alicia called out in unison. And both were ignored by father and daughter.

"Hi Nia." Lee smiled happily. Seeing his daughter was always the highlight of his day.

"Did you miss me, Daddy?"

"Every second, pumpkin." Lee said earnestly and gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead.

In return, Nia slung her little arms around her father's neck and kissed him on the cheek. "Love you, Daddy."

"I love you more, pumpkin."

This had become their every day ritual since Lee had been admitted to sickbay.

"And what about your grandfather? Don't I get a kiss too?" Adama said in a mocking voice.

"Love you too, grandpa." Nia laughed. She leaned towards her grandfather and Adama picked her up in his arms.

Smiling, Alicia took a seat on the other side of the bed. "How are you feeling today?"

"Great. I feel great." Lee lied.

Nia was the only one believing him. "Come home, Daddy?"

"Soon." Lee replied quickly.

"It might take a little while longer than your Daddy thinks." Alicia threw a scolding glance at her husband. 'Don't make any promises you can't keep!' Her eyes told him.

"We'll see about that." Lee pouted.

Adama chuckled quietly. Now Lee not only reminded him of a little boy, he also acted like one. He decided it was time for a change of subject. "So, Nia, what do you say if we give your Mom some time for herself and you stay the night in my quarters again?"

"Oh yes." Nia clapped her hands in excitement.

"Come again?" Lee looked at his father in surprise. "You … she … _again_?" The idea of his father voluntarily babysitting his daughter – and enjoying it – was too strange and far stretched to believe it so easily.

"Mathilda is already thrilled with your father's babysitting skills. She is looking forward to a lot of free time in the future." Alicia laughed.

Adama looked proudly at everyone. "There are certain advantages to being the Admiral of the fleet. I can take some time off whenever I want." _Theoretically at least._

"I play ships, Daddy." Nia beamed with joy.

Lee's jaw fell open in surprise. "You let her play with your ship models?"

"Well, there aren't any toys in my quarters and she's too young to read the books." Adama shrugged. He tried to sound casual, as if it wasn't a big deal to let Nia play with the ships. But he still remembered the longing look in his son's eyes whenever he had visited Adama as a child. Adama had always known that Lee – and Zak too, for that matter – would have loved to play with them. But he had never allowed it.

"Right." Lee said quietly. From the look in his eyes, he was remembering the same thing.

"Grandpa, gotta go." Nia said into the silence that had fallen over the room. Expectantly she tucked at her grandfather's sleeve.

"I'll take care of that." Alicia laughed. "I'm sure Doc Cottle won't mind us using his office bathroom once again." Smiling Alicia took her daughter from an obviously relieved grandfather and left the two Adama men alone again.

"So, um, why is Hotdog bringing me the paperwork?" Lee asked after a moment.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that … Kara is the Deputy CAG, right? Shouldn't she be the one bringing me the paperwork?" Lee had tried to sound casual, but Adama didn't miss the nervous tremble in his voice. Lee had never said anything, but Adama knew that his son was waiting for Kara to come and visit him.

"Kara is on the Pegasus." Adama replied. He hoped Lee would leave it with that. Even after over a week he still refused to talk about Kara Thrace. She had nearly killed his son. He had been able to forgive her for Zak; she had only been partly responsible for his death. But it had been her bullet that had hit Lee.

"The Pegasus? Dad, what … why?" Lee sat up quickly, ignoring the pain raging through his right shoulder and the slight dizziness that still hit him every time he tried to get up. "You transferred her? Look, I get you're angry at her, I'm not too thrilled about this whole thing either, but this wasn't her fault. It had been crazy in there. She just …"

"Not her fault?" Adama interrupted him angrily. "She shot you, Lee. She shot you!" Adama took a deep breath to regain his composure. "And I didn't transfer her. She's only on Pegasus for a short while. As a flight instructor." He paused a moment, his voice still sounding slightly strained. He took another deep breath to calm himself further. He didn't want to fight with Lee now. "The simulators are on the Pegasus, remember?"

"Oh … right." Lee vaguely remembered talking about this training mission with Kara before leaving for Cloud Nine. Embarrassed he looked down at his hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to …"

"Lee, don't." Adama shook his head. Lee wasn't the one who had to apologize here. "How can you just forgive her like that? She shot you!" He had spoken quietly this time, his voice remaining calm. He really needed an answer. Because if Lee could forgive her, than maybe he could too.

"Dad, she was just doing her job. Anyone could have …"

"She shouldn't have been there in the first place." Adama interrupted him again. _I should have never called her._ "She should have sent a marine in there. Those men are trained for situations like this. Kara is a pilot."

"The best pilot we have. And you used her in a hostage situation before." Sighing Lee looked at his father. "If the roles had been reversed, I would have done the same."

"You don't know that." Adama grumbled. _You're too responsible to pull any stunts like Kara Thrace. _

"Yes, I do."

"How? How do you know that?"

Lee shrugged. "Because it's Kara." There was just no way he would have not gone in if it had been her.

XXXXXXX

Impatiently Lee tripped his fingers on the blankets.

"Where is Cottle?" He asked.

"He'll be here any minute." Layne replied, suppressing an annoyed sigh. It had been the seventh time Lee had asked the same question within the last ten minutes. As much as she liked the younger Adama, he was starting to grade on her nerves.

"Two weeks, Layne. I've been here for two weeks. You would think that Cottle would have a special interest in getting the best pilot this fleet has back in the cockpit. But no, he's taking his time and keeps me here for TWO frakking weeks!" Lee glared at her angrily.

"Hey, first of all …" Layne stood before him with a raised finger. "You should be grateful because Cottle saved your life. Not everyone was that lucky that day. Second, stop complaining, I can't hear it anymore. And third … the best pilot this fleet has?" She grinned at him mischievously. "Who are you? Starbuck?"

Lee narrowed his eyes even more. "Ha, ha. Funny. Now where is …"

"Lee Adama, I'm serious. If you ask this one more time …" She glared at him threateningly.

Lee knew better than not to take her seriously. Huffing he folded his arms in front of his chest and stared intently at the wall on the other side of the room.

Layne only rolled her eyes and mumbled something about grown men and little boys. Lee chose to ignore her.

"Are you harassing my personnel again?" Cottle growled as he stepped into the room.

"Can I go now?" Lee ignored his question and looked at him questioningly.

"Yes. Light duty only. Come back here next week so I can have a look at the wound. And no overexerting yourself. Your wife has orders to make sure you behave."

"I can go?" Lee grinned happily.

"By all the Lords of Kobol, yes. Go. And I don't want to see any member of your family back here anytime soon." Cottle growled. "I have had enough Adamas in my lifestation for this year."

With that he turned around and left.

With a wide grin, Lee jumped out of bed. "It was about time."

"I completely agree." Layne laughed. "I'll let Ali know that Cottle sprang you. I'm sure he won't mind that she's leaving work earlier if that means that we get rid of you."

"Hey, I wasn't that bad a patient." Lee exclaimed offended.

"Oh yes, you were. You are a nice and polite man, Lee. But terribly impatient. And I'm sick of the other nurses arguing about who's going to change your bandages when Ali isn't around."

Layne laughed out loud when she saw Lee blushing.

As soon as she was gone, Lee pulled out his uniform from the nightstand and quickly changed. Thanks to the fact that he was still getting pain medication, his shoulder didn't even hurt. His spirits were up again now that he was released out of sickbay and he was looking forward to get back to work.

Twenty minutes later he lay in bed in his quarters, fast asleep. The walk from sickbay to his quarters had exhausted him more than he had anticipated.

Alicia sat on the couch and watched her husband while he slept. She was glad to have him back home.

XXXXXXX

The next day, Lee was finally back in his office. He had never thought that he would miss this small room, the tiny desk and the ever growing stack of files waiting for him. It felt good to be back.

And he was glad to finally sit down for a few minutes. The last two hours he had made his rounds through Galactica. The Chief had given him a full report on their vipers and raptors and afterwards he had took it on himself to double-check their inventory. Not that it had been necessary, everything was exactly where it was supposed to be, but it had made him feel better.

Now he was sitting at his desk and wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed. But he was determined to finish at least half of these files before he would call it a day.

He had just grabbed the first file, when someone knocked at the door.

"Come on in." Lee sighed defeated. He hoped that whatever problem had occurred that it didn't need his immediate attention.

"Captain." Adama stepped into the room and met the surprised eyes of his son.

"Dad … uh, Admiral." Lee stammered and jumped up from the chair to salute his father. He winced as a throbbing pain in his shoulder reminded him that sudden movement wasn't something he was able to do yet without hurting. "Is there a problem?"

"No, no problem. Please, sit down." Adama smiled and took a seat himself. "You look busy."

"I am busy. If I had known how many files had been lying around here all this time, I would have gotten Hotdog to bring me more work." Lee complained.

"As if Alicia had allowed that." Adama laughed. His daughter-in-law had confiscated everything that might have overexert her husband. This had even included highly classified documents as well. At one time he had actually caught her and Hotdog fighting over a file – and it had looked as if his daughter-in-law had had the upper hand. She was a true member of the Adama family, he thought proudly.

Lee didn't seem to share his gratefulness for his wife's care when it came to his work. "Yeah, well … so, what can I do for you?"

"Actually …" Adama smiled. "I came here to do something for you."

"You got Cottle to return me to flight duty?" Lee asked excitedly. At seeing his father's look he added sighing. "I had to ask."

"After you were shot, I had a lot of time to think. And remember." Adama continued quietly. "When I heard you were promoted to Captain, at your age, I was very proud. I don't think I ever told you that."

"If you had, it probably would have ended in another fight." Lee replied, a nervous smile playing on his lips. His father being proud of him was something he had always yearned for. He hadn't always been aware of it, but this wish had always been there. He had waited for his father telling him he was proud for a long time. And now … hearing him saying it now just seemed wrong. After everything that had happened – Kobol, the destroyed blackbird, him getting shot … and then there was the murder of Phelan. His father didn't know about it, in fact no one did except for the people who had been in the room back then, but still … Lee wasn't sure he deserved his father's pride at the moment.

"You have achieved a lot during the last few months. You have been one of the youngest Captains in the Colonial Fleet. Then you got thrown in the job as CAG – and as the President's military advisor, I might add," Adama cleared his throat. He still wasn't quite over the fact that Lee had taken that position back then, though with getting to know his son better the past few weeks that decision made more and more sense to him. It had become something else he could be proud of. "And from Day One you acted as if you were born to do all that."

"You mean when I collapsed from exhaustion and broke out of hack with the President? That's your opinion of a good job?" Lee asked, a slight teasing tone in his voice.

Adama did his best to hide a smile at his son's words, but didn't quite manage to. Back then he had never thought it would be possible that they would be able to talk so lightly about these events. "No, I'm talking about you working harder than everyone around you and never giving up. And for standing up for what you believe in without …without letting false pride misguide you."

Lee's jaw nearly fell open when he listened to his father. For a moment he actually considered the possibility that it wasn't his father sitting in front of him, but a hallucination, fabricated by his exhausted and still drugged up mind. Or maybe a Cylon copy. That would make a lot more sense than his father actually speaking these words.

"Dad …"

"I'm not finished." Adama held up his hand. He straightened in his seat. "Captain, you risked your life in the battle against the Cylons again and again. You led the Tylium Mission and the Blackbird Mission to a success. You handled the Black Market situation perfectly with every, and I mean _every _decision and action you thought necessary. And then there was Cloud Nine … without your interventions we would have never had gotten a chance to get into the lounge…."

"That plan actually pretty much backfired …" Lee interrupted, but Adama again stopped him by holding up his hand.

"You have done an exceptionally good job. As your Commander, I'm proud to have you serve under me. I couldn't ask for a better CAG than you. And therefore, it is an honor to present you your new insignia." Smiling Adama stood up and walked around the desk.

Lee still hadn't quite grasped what was happening and when he saw his father standing up, he followed the motion automatically.

With a proud smile, Adama handed Lee a small, black box which Lee took with slightly shaking hands.

"Major Adama." The Commander saluted his son.

Still stunned Lee returned the salute. "I … I don't know what to say. I … I don't … I mean, I never … I just did my job." Lee stared incredulously at his father.

"And that is exactly why you deserve this promotion." Adama put his hand on the younger man's shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze. "I'm proud of you, son."

He patted Lee's shoulder shortly and then turned around and left, leaving a stunned, newly promoted Major behind.

When Lee looked back down at the small box in his hands, the major insignias lying inside, he finally started to grasp what had happened. He had been promoted. By his father. For all the things he had thought his Commander, _his father_ would be ashamed of him or at least angry for, he had been promoted.

At this moment, he wasn't sure if he wasn't maybe still lying in a coma in sickbay. That would make a lot more sense than to believe that what just had happened was true.

After standing next to his desk and staring at his Major's insignias for several minutes, Lee slowly started to accept that it was really true. His father was proud of him.

When he finally went back to work, all exhaustion had left him and finishing his files suddenly seemed to be a lot easier than before his father's visit.

XXXXXXX

When Lee returned to his quarters late at night, Alicia was already in bed. The small light over the bed was still on, as if it was inviting him. A smile crept on his lips and he quickly pulled out of his uniform and climbed into bed. He wrapped his arms around his wife's waist and she immediately snuggled close to him.

"Hey." She whispered in a sleepy voice.

"Hey." He gave her a gentle kiss on her hair.

Smiling Alicia turned around to him. Their eyes locked and they exchanged a long kiss.

"I've been waiting for you."

"I'm sorry. Lots of work. If you had let Hotdog …"

"Shut up, Lee." Once again she pressed her lips on her husband's and Lee pulled her even closer to him. "How was your first day?" Alicia asked quietly after a moment.

"Good. Busy. Dad came by this afternoon."

"What did he want?"

Lee waited a moment before he replied. Once again the conversation with his father from earlier the day replayed in his mind. "He told me he was proud of me."

Surprised Ali lifted her head from Lee's chest and looked intently at her husband. "He did?"

"Yep."

Lee grinned like a little boy and Alicia could have hugged her father-in-law for making her husband look like this. But as the older Adama wasn't here, she hugged Lee instead and pulled him close for another long, passionate kiss.

"I love you, Lee Adama."

"I love you too, Alicia Adama."

For the first time in a long while Lee felt free from all worries and he slept soundly and without any nightmares haunting him, holding Alicia close to him the whole night.

XXXXXXX

"How do you feel?" Worried Alicia glanced at her husband.

He was still visibly in pain from the shot wound on his shoulder. "Not great. If wish Cottle would finally give me the thumbs-up and let me back into the cockpit. It's been almost a month." Lee complained. "And I'm tired by all the extra work Dad finds for me. I mean, I'm grateful to get something else to do then paper work and endless inspections. But inspection on the Pegasus isn't really that much different from what I'm doing on Galactica."

"As if you aren't looking forward to getting into that Raptor and finally leaving the bucket for a while." Alicia laughed.

"The bucket?" Lee asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah. That's what they call the Galactica now. Pegasus is the beast. Come on, CAG, don't tell me you didn't hear that yet?" Alicia teased him.

"If I would have more contact with living people instead of drowning in stacks of files, I might have known that." Lee pointed out. He still wasn't over the fact that after his last examination from Cottle he still wasn't cleared for flight duty again. "So, the bucket and the beast, huh? Don't we make a pair?" He added grinning.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." Lee replied and wrapped his arms around her. He already missed her. And Nia. They had been a happy family since he had been released from sickbay and he didn't want to lose that again. Things had improved immensely between him and Alicia. All the tension between them had disappeared and he hated leaving her so soon again, albeit for only a few days. "I'm just glad it's only a temporary assignment this time. I should be back again in a couple of days."

Alicia wished he wouldn't even have to go for one day. "Why did your father pick you?"

"You don't want to know." Lee sighed. And he didn't really want to tell her.

"Are there any problems with the new commander? I heard he didn't have much experience with command."

"No one has much experience these days. No, apparently there are some problems with the flight training, so Dad thought it would be a good idea to send me over there." The tone of his voice made it clear that he didn't agree with his father's decision. There were several reasons he didn't want to return to the Pegasus. And none of them were a subject he could discuss with his wife.

"Let me guess, it has something to do with Kara." Alicia said dryly.

Lee tensed slightly. "Why'd you think that?"

"Oh, come on. I'm not stupid. She's the flight instructor over there. And there isn't a problem the great Starbuck can't deal with on her own, right? It's not like she needs any backup or anything." Her last words sounded bitter. She still hadn't forgiven Kara Thrace for shooting her husband, even though she knew that it hadn't happened on purpose. It had been an accident, something that could have happened to everyone, as Lee had explained to her several times. But it had given her one more reason to dislike Kara Thrace and the fact that Lee had nearly died made it hard to forget.

"Ali …"

Alicia put her finger on Lee's lips to stop him from talking. "Since she can deal with everything on her own, I reckon she is the problem, am I right? Is she in hack again?"

"Not yet." Lee sighed. He was relieved that they had gotten back to the original subject instead of once again discussing Kara's involvement in him getting shot. "But apparently she's been driving Commander Garner up one bulkhead and down the other ever since she took over flight training on … what'd you call it? The beast? And since I won't be flying combat for a while, I … mhmm …"

Alicia had interrupted him once again by giving him a long kiss. "You will return to flying soon. You just have to be patient."

"I know." Lee sighed. "I am patient. Most of the time." He added grumbling.

Smiling Alicia traced her finger over his uniform. "Were you going to mention these?" She pointed at his new rank insignia on his collar.

" Oh, yeah." Lee cleared his throat. "Got promoted to Major."

"Well, don't sound so happy!" Alicia laughed. "When did this happen?"

"It doesn't mean much." Lee tried to play it down. "My father gave me these on my first day back on the job."

Alicia looked slightly guilty. "I guess I should have noticed them before. Maybe someday I'll actually get the meaning behind all your different ranking signs. I'm a bad military wife, aren't I?"

"No, you're the best wife anyone can ask for." Lee replied smiling and gave her another kiss. At this moment he wished he'd never have to let go of her again.

"I think it means a lot." Alicia said after a moment, once again tracing her finger over the new insignias.

"Oh, well, if you say so, then it must be true." He gave her another kiss and pulled her back on the bed. He could always take a later raptor going to the Pegasus.

XXXXXXX

Lee wasn't sure if he should be relieved or disappointed that Kara hadn't greeted him in the hangar bay. Not that he had expected to see her there. He hadn't seen or heard from her in almost a month. She obviously didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

The last time he had seen Kara she had shot him. She was probably feeling guilty. She didn't have to be, of course. And he would have told her if she had given him the chance. But Kara had chosen the way she always took – she had run. He wished he could shake some sense into her. If she had only come to visit him once, just _once _than he could have explained to her that he didn't blame her. It hadn't been her fault. She had just …

"Welcome aboard, Major."

Lee nearly jumped when Kara suddenly appeared next to him in the corridor. "I didn't expect a welcoming committee." Okay, he hadn't really meant to sound so coldly.

"Don't flatter yourself. I was in the neighborhood."

"I see."

Before either of them could say anything else, they had already reached CIC. Lee was relieved to see Garner standing in the middle of the room. He wasn't really prepared to talk to Kara right now. She had caught him by surprise.

"Major Adama."

"Commander Garner." Lee returned the greeting and saluted.

"Glad to see you, Major. Although I wish it was under better circumstances." Garner looked at him earnestly. "We have just lost contact with two of our raptors out on a training mission."

"What? When did that happen?" Kara cut in, surprise evident in her voice.

"Captain Thrace." Garner glared at her. "Perhaps if you were actually down on the flight deck and monitoring your raptors the way any training officer worth a damn would have done, you would know that four of our pilots were missing. Major? You with me, Major?"

"Yes, Sir." Lee replied quickly. He had been momentarily distracted. It was the first time he was standing in Pegasus' CIC and he was quite impressed by how different it was from what he was used from Galactica. Not even the Atlantia, his former battlestar, had been that well equipped. Garner was a lucky man to command a ship like this.

"They disappeared from the Dradis about an hour ago. They're gone." Commander Garner went on explaining. "Captain Thrace, you're dismissed. Major, I'm glad to have you onboard. If you would follow me …"

XXXXXXXX

After his meeting with the Commander, Lee went straight to find Kara. He was angry. Very angry. He hadn't even been onboard for a whole hour and already he had found himself defending her. He probably should be used to that by now. He had been doing nothing else since he'd met her. And still it annoyed him. She was the sole reason he had to come here and leave his family. He was paying for her mistakes and it was starting to piss him off.

"Attention on deck!"

A pilot announced his arrival in the briefing room and Lee went straight up front where Kara was standing talking to the pilots.

"At ease. Where's Stinger?" Lee asked as soon as he stood next to Kara.

Kara let out a harsh laugh. "He's in hack for mouthing off to Garner. Stepped on his precious little toes."

"Frakking Garner." One of the pilots, Case, if Lee remembered correctly, said loudly. His words were followed by several of the other pilots laughing. Including Kara.

"He's such an idiot." Case went on, feeling encouraged by his friends.

Lee boiled up in anger. The whole room screamed Kara's "leadership" from every corner. Pegasus had been a tightly lead ship and now here they were … the pilots were laughing at their own Commander, following Kara's example. She could drive him crazy on her best days, but this was simply enough.

"All right, lock that up!" Lee barked loudly. He immediately had everyone's attention. "Get something straight. We got two missing raptor crews who are gonna be out of oxygen in 36 hours. That's all that matters. So, everyone knock off the schoolyard crap and start doing your frakkin' jobs." He glared at every single pilot, making sure they got the message. "Now..." He continued, his voice considerably calmer now. "We need to start thinking outside the box. Which is supposed to be what you do best." His patented Adama glare was directed at Kara.

"Sorry, Major."

Lee was startled for a moment. He hadn't expected Kara to back down so quickly. Actually, he hadn't expected her to back down at all. He had already been prepared to send her to the hack where she could have joined Stinger. She never ceased to surprise him.

"All right." Back to business. "I wanna know everything there is to know about these missing raptors and their crews. I wanna know personal quirks, aircraft squawks, wireless transmissions, anything that might help. Good. Get to it."

Lee hated being back on Pegasus and away from his family. And he was still angry at Kara for acting like she did. But it felt damn good giving orders and planning a mission again.

When he left the planning room, he couldn't hide a small smile creeping on his lips.

TBC


	34. The Captain's Hand Part 2

**I decided that waiting a week doesn't really make sense. So here is the next part already. As always. thanks to Laurie for her fantastic beta.**

* * *

"Ali, what are you doing here?" Surprised Layne stared at her friend who had just entered sickbay. "You don't work today."

"I know I don't. But Lee's on the Pegasus and Nia is with Dee. I think playing with Nia lets her forget about Billy for awhile."

"Your daughter surely has a talent for making everyone feel better." Layne smiled, remembering how she had felt after her fiancé had died. "How is Dee?"

"She has good days and bad days. She's working more. I think she's just trying to keep herself busy."

Layne nodded. "That's what helped me too. Works lets you forget the pain for a few moments. At least sometimes."

"Layne, I need you here. Now would be good!" Cottle barked from one of the examination rooms.

"An emergency?" Alicia asked. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

She had already started walking towards the exam room when Layne grabbed her arm tightly and held her back.

"No." She said quickly. "There really isn't anything you can do. It's really a quiet day. Why don't you come back tomorrow? Enjoy the day and the fact that you won't have to worry about a daughter or husband for a few hours."

Layne smiled at her but Ali could tell that she was hiding something from her.

"Okay, what's going on here?" She asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, it's …"

"Layne!" Cottle called for her again.

"You really shouldn't let him wait." Ali said and quickly pulled out of Layne's grasp. She had stepped into the exam room before her friend could stop her. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Cottle looked up, surprised at hearing her voice. "What are you doing here?" He barked.

"You called for help."

"I called for Layne." Cottle replied and glared angrily at both women.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know …"

"Layne didn't know I would be here. What is going on?" Alicia demanded to know. This whole situation seemed somehow surreal. It wasn't like Cottle – or Layne – to have secrets from others.

Cottle hesitated a moment before he replied. "Remember you are not allowed to talk about patients with anyone. Not even family members."

"I remember." Alicia looked at him suspiciously.

"Doctor …" Layne tried to stop him but Cottle waved her off.

"This girl doesn't have all day." He looked back to Alicia. "Her name is Rya. She is four months pregnant and doesn't want to be. She's from a Gemenese ship, so she can't have the abortion there. That's why she is here."

Alicia paled visibly at his words. Layne immediately was at her side.

"Ali …"

"I'm fine." Ali shook her off and looked at Rya, a forced smile on her lips. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"She had time enough to think about it. That's why she's here." Cottle cut in before the young girl could say anything.

"Have you talked about this with the father? What about your parents?" Alicia kept asking. The girl didn't seem to be much older than maybe 16. Too young to become a mother. But also too young to make a decision she might regret for the rest of her life. "There is always the possibility of adoption. You could …"

"No, I can't have this baby. My parents … you have no idea what they would do to me. And there is no father. I mean … I don't know …" Tears were starting to roll down her face and she looked desperately at everyone. "Please."

Cottle laid a hand on her shoulder to soothe her. "You can go home, Alicia. You have no shift today."

Alicia opened her mouth as if to object, but then decided against it. She slowly nodded and stepped out of the room. Layne followed her a moment later.

"Ali, you okay?" She asked worried.

"This isn't about me, Layne. It's the girl in there that I'm worried about." Ali replied. "And no, I'm not okay. I'll never be as far as this matter is concerned."

"I'm sorry you had to witness this. You were never supposed to know …"

"Is she the only one?" Ali asked, her voice slightly trembling.

Layne didn't need to ask what she was referring to. "No."

Alicia swallowed and then turned around to leave, but hesitated before she walked away. "If … if she needs someone to talk about, I … maybe I can help her. Somehow. Sometimes … sometimes it's easier talking with people who have been through the same." She looked hesitantly at Layne.

"You're right. I'll call you when she needs you." Layne replied quietly.

"Thanks." Taking a deep breath, Alicia walked toward the waiting area. She wanted to be near should the girl really wish for someone to talk to. She wished she was strong enough to stay at her side the whole time. Maybe, with the time, it would be easier.

XXXXXXX

"Lee."

Suppressing a sigh, Lee turned around to greet Kara who had just stepped into Pegasus's CIC. "What brings you here?"

"I think I know what happened to the raptor crews. You think you can get the highly Commander to listen to me for a second?" Kara smirked.

"Kara …"

"Just get him to listen, okay? He's not really been very cooperating as far as I'm concerned."

Lee looked at her pointedly, but stepped towards Garner nevertheless. "Commander, Captain Thrace has a theory about our missing raptors, Sir."

"That's good considering she lost them. " Garner snapped.

Lee tensed immediately at his words. The thought that it was good that Kara hadn't heard that, had just flashed through his mind, when he suddenly noticed her right next to him. Great.

"Excuse me?" She exclaimed offended.

"Well, they were out on one of your so-called training missions. Weren't they, Captain?" Garner replied, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"My "so-called" training missions?" Kara's voice raised slightly and Lee knew this would end badly if he didn't do anything.

"Okay, let's just take this easy." And here he was again taking care of Kara's mess, he thought quietly to himself. Not a very productive thought if he was trying to calm the situation.

His words seemed to show no effect anyway. Both Garner and Kara kept ignoring him.

"That's when you're not boozing or sowing mutiny amongst the crew."

"Mutiny?"

"Commander, we should take this to a private place." Lee cut in again. And again he was ignored.

"Don't you think I know what's happening on my own ship? _Barely competent? And paranoid?_"

Garner glared angrily, Kara returned the look with fury and Lee let out a frustrated breath. They were in the middle of CIC, damn it! This was not the place to discuss this.

"That was off the record. I was just venting. Accurately." Kara snapped.

Garner looked as if he would explode any moment. „I'll have you court-martialed."

Perfect. Stepping between Garner and Kara, Lee cut in again. "Commander. I'm not defending Captain Thrace's behavior, but …"

"Thanks, Major." Kara interrupted him sarcastically.

Lee threw her an annoyed look in return. He was trying to help her, damn it. Couldn't she even appreciate that?

"Captain Thrace, you're restricted to quarters until I can ship you back to Galactica." Garner obviously had enough and ended the discussion. "You're Adama's pet. Let him deal with you."

Lee closed his eyes in frustration. This had gone well.

"Gentlemen." Kara glared at them both furiously, gave a half salute and walked out of CIC.

Lee hoped that she would at least follow Garner's orders and go straight to her quarters.

"Major?" Garner looked at him expectantly.

"Yes, Sir." Lee suppressed another sigh. He feared he knew what the Commander wanted him to do.

"Make sure Captain Thrace leaves my ship ASAP!"

XXXXXXX

Kara was busy doing push-ups between two benches when Lee walked into the pilot's quarters.

"You've been on board less than a month, and you're already facing charges. You don't waste any time, do you?" Lee was surprised at the bitterness in his voice. He had actually just meant to tease her.

"Neither do you, Lee. How's it feel being Garner's new playmate?" Kara snapped back.

"I'm here to do a job!"

"Yeah. Keep a loudmouth, disobedient frak-up Kara Thrace in line. Not doing such a good job, are you?" She snorted. "Evidently not."

Lee took a deep breath and came back to the reason he had come here. "We don't have much time. Those guys are running out of air."

Kara looked at him a moment, surprise evident in her eyes. She hadn't expected him to come here talking about the rescue mission.

"Yeah, well, I tried. All right?" All anger had vanished from her voice and only frustration was left audible. "All I have done since I got to the beast is try and help, and all I've gotten is Garner's foot in my ass."

"Well, maybe you need a kick in the ass!" Anger was flaring up in Lee again and there didn't seem anything he could do against it. He had no idea where this anger was coming from. Kara was just Kara. She hadn't changed a bit and he had never wanted her to change. And still, right now, he wished she would just follow the rules once. Just once!

"All right. Here we go. Finally." Kara looked at him defiantly. "What is your problem anyway?"

"What's my problem? What's my problem?" Lee snapped. "Well, Kara, my problem is you. You keep frakking up, and I keep having to clean it up, and I am officially ... sick of it." There, he'd said it. He should feel better now. Problem was, he didn't.

"Poor Lee, your life is so hard, isn't it?" Kara quipped in a whiny voice. Her eyes beamed with sarcasm.

"You mean, since I got shot." Lee froze as soon as the words had left his mouth. Okay, where had that come from? He hadn't meant to say it. He didn't even blame her for shooting him. He had said so repeatedly. So why was he saying anything like this? Guilt was welling up in him and he wished he could take his words back. But at the same time he was feeling somewhat relieved to have spoken them. It was finally out in the open. Kara had shot him. They could talk about it now. Only Lee suddenly wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it. Kara had shot him.

The realization suddenly hit him that he did blame Kara on some level. The last month he had been busy convincing everyone that everything was okay, when the truth was that nothing was okay. Kara had shot him. She had frakked up. Again. And again he had been the one to pay the price. Only this time the price had nearly been too high.

Kara had been silent for a long moment and Lee started wishing that she would say something. Anything. Talk back to him, defending herself, telling him that he should come down from his throne and take back what he had said.

Because even if he did blame Kara on some level, he also wished more than anything to wash the pain away from her eyes. He knew that Kara blamed herself a hundred times worse than he could ever blame her.

But Kara didn't do any of the things. Instead she changed the subject. "You wanna hear what I think happened to Buster, or not?"

Lee sighed. So they weren't going to talk about it. "Tell me what you have."

XXXXXXX

Alicia was sitting quietly next to Rya's bed. The girl had asked for her a short while ago. When Alicia had stepped in her room, she had found Rya in tears, sobbing her heart out. Alicia had felt for her immediately and had quickly walked up to her. She had held the young girl tightly in her arms until her sobs had quieted and she had cried herself into sleep. Alicia hoped that she had at least been able to give Rya some kind of comfort. Not that it would make the aftermath of her decision any easier. She had chosen to kill her baby … and even though Alicia understood her decision completely, being in the same situation before too, she still couldn't help but think of it as murder. She still blamed herself for not finding another way and she was afraid that Rya would think the same.

She jumped slightly when the President's voice was suddenly coming from the PA speakers. It was a fleet wide announcement.

"Since assuming the presidency, I've made it my mission to maintain the rights and freedoms we so enjoyed prior to the attack. One of these rights has now come into direct conflict with the survival of the species. And I find myself forced to make a very difficult decision. The issue is stark. The fact is that if the civilization is to survive, we must, must repopulate this fleet. Therefore, I'm issuing an executive order. From this day forward, anyone seeking to interfere with a birth of child, whether it be the mother or a medical practitioner, shall be subject to criminal penalty. Thank you."

Alicia sat frozen on her chair as she listened to Roslin's words. A criminal penalty. So she was a criminal now? Or she would have been if her situation had arose a few months later. Or if Roslin had made this order earlier.

Alicia closed her eyes and said a silent prayer for the girl in front of her. This new law wouldn't make it any easier for her to live with the abortion. Alicia could understand Roslin's reasons for the order, yet she felt that it cut into the people's rights too much. Giving birth to a child was a private matter, nothing the state should rule. Whether or not a woman decided to give birth should not depend on laws or orders. This decision should come from the heart.

"Hey, how is she?" Layne asked quietly.

"Still sleeping."

"You think she heard the announcement?"

Alicia sighed. "No, I don't think so. She's really out of it. What do you think about it?"

Layne shrugged. "I don't know. I've never even thought about what I would do should I become pregnant. And I guess it's a mood point now."

"So Cottle won't do …" Her voice trailed off and Alicia found herself unable to finish her sentence.

"I'm not sure. He's a stubborn old bastard, but I don't think even he would disobey a direct order of the President." Layne replied. She looked worried at her friend. Alicia still looked pale and it was obvious that today's events had shaken her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Layne. Stop asking." Ali shook her head. This wasn't about her. She had made her decision long ago and even though she regretted it to some point, she was also glad that she had been able to make this choice. "Can you stay with her? Dee's shift starts in half an hour and I need to pick up Nia."

"Sure, no problem. And if you want to talk about it …"

"Layne, I'm …"

"You're fine, I know." Layne interrupted her. "But the offer is there."

Alicia couldn't help but smile at her friend. "Thanks."

The women hugged shortly and Alicia left to pick up her daughter.

XXXXXXXXX

Lee had tried to explain Kara's theory – that the missing raptors had been lured away by the Cylons due to a fake distress signal – to Garner when another distress call from one of the rescue raptors reached CIC. Garner had contacted the Admiral and Lee had seen his chance to share this theory – which he agreed with completely, because even if Kara was a mess on a personal level most of the time, she was a genius when it came to strategic planning – with his father. It had ended with Garner dismissing him and practically throwing him out of CIC, reminding him that he still needed to get Starbuck away from _his_ ship.

So Lee was doing that just now. He didn't like it, but there wasn't really anything what he could do. He had told his father about their theory – he could only hope that Adama would show them more trust than Garner had. Which was very likely, so Lee tried to be optimistic about it and trust his father to make the right decision.

When the alarms suddenly started blaring and the flight personal was ordered to report to their stations, Lee knew that something had gone wrong.

"Captain Case, what's going on?" Lee stopped the pilot when he tried to run past them.

"We've been ordered to scramble, Condition One. Ship's getting ready to jump. We're gonna launch on the other side." Case reported. He was gone before Lee could even fully grasp what he had said.

Condition One. They would jump. Frak … so much for his father trusting his theory.

"Get down to the hangar deck!" He told Kara and turned around to head back to CIC.

"What?" Kara looked at him with wide eyes.

"Look. You're the best pilot we've got. So, get down there. Find a viper." Lee replied quickly and kept running towards CIC.

"It's about time you admitted that!" Kara called after him and Lee could hear the laughter in her voice. He couldn't help but smile at her words. That was the Kara he loved.

When Lee stepped into CIC, he immediately headed for Garner. "Commander, what's our sitrep?"

"This is a rescue mission, Major." Garner replied coldly.

Lee had about enough of the other man's attitude. "On whose authority?"

"Mine. I'm bringing my pilots home."

So it hadn't been his father's decision. Somehow that made Lee feel bitter, albeit only a bit. This also meant they were without backup.

"With all due respect, Sir." Lee addressed Garner again. He wasn't going to give up that easily. "But if this is a Cylon trap, then we are entering blind! We should send a force recon …

"My pilots are dying down there, Major!" Garner interrupted him harshly. "I'm going in, I'm not waiting on recon!"

"Commander, this is in direct violation of the Admiral's orders." Or so he hoped.

"Major. Leave combat." Garner ordered him.

This was all the prove Lee needed. If the Admiral had given this order, than Garner would have told him so right now. His father had believed him and Kara … and Garner had chosen to act on his own.

"You are making this an illegal action on your part, Sir!" Lee spoke tightly.

"You are relieved, Major! Sergeant of the guard!"

"I am forced to take command of this vessel!" Lee couldn't believe he had just said that. He couldn't take command of the ship. Just two weeks ago he was nothing but a simple Captain and now he was planning to replace a Commander? What was he thinking?

"This man is in direct disobedience of an order … under federal regulations I want him under arrest! I place you under arrest!" Garner bellowed. "Sergeant. Take him below.

Garner looked as if he had lost his mind. There seemed to be no way to reason with him.

"Sergeant, the Commander's been properly relieved. Escort him to his quarters." Lee was talking as if on autopilot. This could hardly be him speaking. He was relieving a Commander! His heart was beating so loudly, he was sure the whole CIC must be able to hear it.

Garner glared at the Sergeant furiously. "This man is not a member of this crew, and you will obey a direct order that you have been given by me, and you will do it NOW!"

The Sergeant looked hesitantly from Lee to Garner. Finally his eyes stayed on Lee. "Major, you'll come with me." He pulled his gun and loosely pointed it at Lee.

Lee let out a frustrated sigh. This had ended just as well as his last act of mutiny.

"If you would follow me, Major."

Garner had turned back to Dradis and Lee saw his chance to at least stay in CIC to follow up on what was happening. He hated being in the dark.

"Sergeant, I think you have better things to do." Lee said quietly.

As soon as the words had left his mouth, he felt the strange sensation of the FTL-jump. They were alone.

Lee hadn't even fully recovered from the jump, when the first explosions hit the Pegasus. The impact was so strong that he was thrown against a console, his left side hitting the metal hard. Lee had to stifle a groan when pain lanced through his shoulder.

They were under attack. The CAG in him screamed to reach for the comm and order his pilots out while the pilot in him screamed to get into the next viper and go out there himself.

But as it was he could do nothing but watch as the situation evolved around him. At least the Sergeant had left him alone. Seeing his ship under attack had apparently reminded him of his more important duties and he had made Lee promise to stay where he was and not interfere in any way.

He tensed immediately when screams were heard coming out of the speakers. His eyes searched for the Commander.

Garner was busy talking on the phone. Obviously there were problems in the engine room and the FTL was down. Lee wanted to scream at him that he couldn't take care of that himself now. They were under attack! He should let the XO worry about everything else. It took all of Lee's willpower to not walk over to him and scream at him to do his job and get everyone out of here safely.

Another large explosion shook the ship and the Pegasus shuddered from the impact. Again Lee was thrown against the console.

"Nuclear detonation. We have structural damage along the topside heat exchanger." Lt. Hoshi, Pegasus' comm. Officer, reported, her voice sounding agitated. "We can't take much more of this."

" How long before those drives are back up?" Lee asked, not being able to stand by and do nothing.

"I don't know." Garner shook his head. There was a distant look in his eyes. "They don't seem to understand. I need to go down there." He finally turned to Lee. "You have the con."

Absolutely sure he must have misunderstood the other man, Lee stared at Garner and waited for him to continue. To order someone to go down there and take care of things. Instead he had to watch how Garner left CIC.

"I have the con." He spoke so quietly that he didn't think anyone could have heard him. Gods, he had the con! How the hell had that happened? He couldn't have the con. He wasn't trained to command a battlestar. And they were in the middle of an attack.

"Sir?" Lt. Hoshi looked questioning at Lee.

Suddenly noticing that all eyes in CIC were on him, Lee forced himself to calm down. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward. "I have the con."

Panic welled up in him again immediately after having spoken the words out loud and for a moment he felt lost. Then he thought of his father, of his words, telling him that he was proud of him, that he was born to lead. He could do this.

Straightening up, he started giving orders. "Make for the nearest base ship. And roll us over to keep our top side out of their line of fire. Hoshi, contact Starbuck and Case, tell them I've assumed command. And to concentrate on protecting our top side."

"Aye, Sir." Hoshi replied and went to follow Lee's orders.

Assessing the situation further, Lee started planning their next steps.

XXXXXXX

After what felt like an eternity, the FTL-drive was back on and they were able to jump back. When Lee saw the Galactica appearing on Dradis, it was one of the most wonderful sights in his live. He contacted his father and informed him what had happened, including the unfortunate death of Garner. He had given his life while trying to save his ship.

The Pegasus had lost another Commander.

Adama ordered him to let the Pegasus' XO take command for now and return to Galactica. Lee had never felt happier and more relieved in his life.

When he stepped out of the raptor and felt the Galactica under his feet, he was glad to be home. On some level he had enjoyed commanding the Pegasus. Making the right orders had come a lot easier to him than he had feared.

"Lee."

Startled Lee turned to the voice and was surprised to see his father standing on the hangar deck.

"Dad … Commander." Lee quickly caught himself and gave his father a salute.

"At ease, son. This is a private meeting." Adama told him.

"Oh … okay." Lee wasn't sure what to make out of this. His father had never waited for him on the hangar deck before. Well, except this one time after the tylium mission. Lee swallowed when he thought back to that day. He had felt as unsure about himself then as he had today. And yet he had lead the mission to a success. "No lighter to return this time." He said quietly, a small smile on his lips.

"You didn't need one." Adama replied, also smiling. "You did good there. Not everyone would have brought the Pegasus back like you did."

"Trust me, I'd have gladly let someone else handle the situation." Lee laughed nervously. He still wasn't good at accepting a compliment of any kind from his father.

Adama nodded slowly. "I'll expect your report first thing tomorrow morning. And now I think you have a family waiting for you." He smiled.

"First thing tomorrow. Aye, Sir." Lee gave another short salute and then left to see his family.

Lost in his own thoughts, Adama watched his son walk away. He let out a relieved breath. Lee was back. When he had seen the Pegasus disappear from the Dradis, he had feared the worst. And the longer they had been without contact to the other Battlestar, the more agitated Adama had become.

But as it turned out, he hadn't needed to worry at all. Lee had handled the situation perfectly. Pride had replaced fear when he had learned of his son having taken command of the Pegasus. Again Lee had proven to everyone that he was a soldier by heart. Always ready to take on any situation that evolved. He was a true Adama.

"Stop smiling, Old Man. Your crew might think you'd get soft on your old days."

Still smiling, Adama turned around to his old friend. "Old days, huh?" He chuckled.

"Your son did a good job out there. He brought them back." Tigh said quietly. "Frak, the kid is already better at the job than I'll ever be."

"You want me to tell him that?" Adama quipped.

"Hell, no! We don't want him to let it get to his head." Tigh barked. The sparkle in his eyes betrayed his words though. The younger Adama had earned his respect today, even though he would never admit it to anyone but the Old Man.

XXXXXXX

When Lee stepped into his quarters, he met the surprised eyes of his wife.

"What are you doing here already? I though you weren't coming back for a few days?"

"Oh, sorry, you want me to go again?" Lee teased her.

She narrowed her eyes at him, but couldn't keep the earnest look for too long. A moment later she was in Lee's arms, kissing him passionately.

"I guess that means you want me to stay?" Lee quipped.

"Stop that." Laughing Alicia slapped him on the arm. "Now, seriously, why are you here? And give me the bad news first."

"There is no bad news. Okay, one. Garner is dead." Lee's smile faded when he remembered the dead Commander.

"Oh my gods. What happened?" Alicia asked shocked. "Was he … was he killed?"

"No, no, nothing like that." Lee assured her. Then he quickly filled her in on what had happened during his time on the Pegasus. He gave her the revised version only. There was no need to worry her more than necessary. "And well, before Garner left CIC, he gave me the con." He finished proudly.

Alicia's face stayed blank.

Lee rolled his eyes. For a military wife she really knew nothing about the military. "I had command over the Pegasus. At least for a short while."

"Really? Wow, that's great." Alicia gave him another hug. "I'm so proud of you. And how does it feel to command one of the last two Battlestars?"

"I was frakking scared." Lee laughed, then added more earnestly, "But it felt good."

Alicia snuggled closer to him. "I think this deserves a celebration. Nia stays the night with Mathilda and she won't come home until noon tomorrow. I can cancel my meeting with Cavil in the morning and you and I could … " Her voice trailed off and she looked seductively at Lee.

"Mhmm, that sounds too good to be true." Lee sighed. "But I have to write the report about what happened. Dad expects it first thing in the morning. But …" He grinned. "If I get to it right now, we'll still have all night."

"Always the reports. Fine, but hurry. I'll be waiting right here …" She walked towards the bed and started pulling off her shirt.

Lee stifled a groan. "One hour tops, I promise." He gave her a parting kiss before he left for his office.

XXXXXXX

"Why am I not surprised to see you here instead of celebrating your first command?"

Surprised to see hear Kara's voice, Lee looked up from his papers. "Hey, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on Pegasus?"

"I was ordered here. Your father wants a full report on what happened." She looked down at her hands that were clamped together nervously. "Lee … I …" She stopped and looked hesitantly at him.

"Spit it out, Starbuck. I don't have much time." Okay, that wasn't really true. And sounded way too harsh. He only had to write the report. And he really should stop acting towards her that way. She hadn't done anything wrong. Well, except shooting him and then not visiting him once in sickbay. And being her usual self on Pegasus, which for some reason had angered him immensely.

"I just wanted to say … Congratulations." She continued after a moment. "You did a great job. When I heard you'd taken command, well … Things had been going downhill and once we heard it was you who gave the orders, well ... "

"Kara …" Lee sighed. He knew what she was doing. And she didn't have to. He hadn't been fair to her. He had known that from the start. He just hadn't been able to do anything against it. "I know why I was mad at you. 'Cause you were doing what you always do. Buck authority, and get away with it." He paused a moment. "I bucked authority once. And I almost lost everything. So I guess when I showed up on Pegasus, and there you were doing it all over again … I don't know. Pissed me off." He shrugged. "Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?"

And there it was. Out in the open. He didn't hate Kara. And he wasn't angry at her for shooting him. It had been nothing but an unfortunate accident. He was simply angry for Kara being who she was. Funny how he could despise and love someone like her at the same time.

Kara looked at him, relief shining through her eyes. "You should hear the way my brain works sometimes." She laughed nervously. "Are we okay?"

"You have a brain?" Lee teased her. Then he gave her a warm smile. "Yeah. Yeah, we're okay."

Without really thinking about it, he stepped forward and pulled Kara into a hug. "We're okay."

A warm feeling spread through him when he felt Kara close to him, returning the embrace. Being okay again felt good.

XXXXXXX

Lee hated leaving Alicia the next morning. The night had been perfect. They seldom had the room just for themselves and they had enjoyed every moment of it. He didn't want to leave, but his father was waiting for the report and Cavil would be here any minute for the meeting with Alicia. So grudgingly he gave Alicia a parting kiss with the promise not to stay long and pick her up for lunch afterwards. Nia should be back by then and they could enjoy a nice family dinner. Maybe he could even get his father to join them.

"Good Morning, Admiral." Lee said when he stepped into his father's office.

"Good Morning. Take a seat. Coffee?" Adama offered. He smiled at the tired, but happy expression on his son's face. Apparently he had enjoyed the extra time with his wife. Adama was glad that things had returned to normal between Lee and Alicia. He had hated seeing them apart and was relieved to see them as a happy family again.

"Yeah, thanks." Lee smiled. „Here's the report."

Lee enjoyed his coffee, while Adama read the report. His father had asked him to wait and Lee was happy to comply. He wasn't sure when it had happened, but somewhere along the line he had started to enjoy these meetings with his father. Even when they were talking straightly business most of the time, it felt nice spending some time together. As weird as that might sound.

"You give Garner a lot of credit." Adama said quietly once he had finished the report.

"Well, it's all true." Lee replied earnestly. "He gave his life to save the ship."

"Starbuck's report wasn't so kind." Adama said. Which was still an underestimation. Kara had practically called Garner an incompetent idiot.

"Well, she had her perspective. And I had mine." Lee said quietly. He knew that Garner had made mistakes … but who in this fleet hadn't? And it was true – without Garner's sacrifice he and everyone on the Pegasus would probably be dead by now.

"In your opinion, off the record ... what was Garner's flaw?" Adama questioned.

Something Garner had told Lee flashed through his mind.

"_Because nobody ever cut us any slack in the engine room. I could tell you that right now. But then, uh, I don't know, maybe being a snipe is different than being a viper jockey. No flashy stunts for us. No flying by the seat of our pants down there! The engine room is like a finely tuned watch, and everything in it needs to be monitored and maintained in a very precise fashion. Nobody freelances. Everything is done __in the proper way at the proper timing the proper order! Or there'd be no power. No lights. No hot showers for your flyboys. You know, Major, I think some of the people around here could learn a thing or two from the snipes."_

Remembering Garner's words, Lee didn't have to think about the right answer for long. "He was used to working with machines. Command is about people."

A small smile crept on Adama's lips. He knew he had made the right decision. And his heart filled with pride over what he would do next. "Remember that."

He stood up and walked around the table until he stood in front of Lee. "I want you to take command ... of the beast. Garner was my decision. His failure is my responsibility."

Smiling proudly he opened a small box in his hands. "Don't let me fail a second time."

Lee was completely taken by surprise. Astounded he stared at the Commander's insignia's in the small box. Seeing the stunned expression on his son's face, Adama's smile widened even more. He took out the insignia and put them on Lee's collar.

"Congratulations, Commander."

"Th-thanks …" Lee stuttered and took the offered hand of his father. "Are you sure? I mean …"

"You proved yourself, son. More than once. You are the right man for the job."

Seeing the Commander's insignia's on his son's collar made Adama's heart swell with more pride than he had ever thought possible. He had never dared to dream of a moment like this, and yet it still felt like a dream come true. At this moment, he was convinced that together they would lead the fleet to safety. They would find earth.

XXXXXXX

"So Rya can stay on the Galactica?" Cavil asked, his voice sounding sympathetic.

"Yes, the President has granted her full asylum." Alicia replied. "Though it is a shame that her parents won't come here to take care of her. The poor girl is too young to be on her own."

"There a many orphans these days." Cavil said quietly.

"That's true. But Rya doesn't have to be. Her parents are still alive, they could come here and live with her. But they refuse to leave the Geminon Traveler. And Rya can't go back there, she would be punished, no matter what the President's orders are." Alicia paused for a moment. "You know, I … I thought that I might take care of her a bit. Maybe she could work in sickbay, this way she would have something to do and she wouldn't be alone. She needs someone to look out for her."

"Are you sure you're up to it? With your own history?" Cavil questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, especially with my history." Alicia nodded. "I'm sure it could help her to have someone to talk to about this who knows what she is going through."

"You might be right." Cavil said thoughtfully. "But what are you going to do with her if you leave Galactica?"

"Leave Galactica?" Alicia sounded surprised. "Why would I leave Galactica?"

"Well, I heard about your husband taking command of the Pegasus. I simply assumed …"

"Oh, no. That was only temporarily. He is already back here." Alicia replied quickly.

"But Pegasus is still without a Commander, right?" Cavil pressed on.

"Well, yes, but …"

"And your husband would be the next best choice. He has already proven that he can command the Pegasus in battle."

"You think?" Alicia asked surprised. She hadn't even thought about that possibility. And Lee hadn't said anything. Though knowing her husband, that thought probably hadn't even crossed his mind. He still felt uncomfortably about his promotion to Major, still believing that he didn't truly deserve it. But if it would be true … if Lee would be promoted to Commander …"He wouldn't be flying vipers anymore." She called out, relief evident in her voice.

"No, he sure wouldn't." Cavil agreed. "Though I hate to admit, as Pegasus' Commander he might be a bigger threat to the Cylons than he is as a viper pilot."

"Well, the better for us." Alicia laughed. The thought of Lee being out of the cockpit forever sounded more and more likely. She wished she could storm into her father-in-law's office right now and ask him if it could be true.

"Yes, the better for us." Cavil said quietly. The smiled vanished from his face for a short moment. "So, how are things going between you and Lee? Everything's still all right?"

"Oh yes, it's perfect. We're really happy." Alicia replied, a bit startled by the sudden change of subject.

"No more problems?" Cavil inquired.

"Not at the moment, no." Alicia looked confused at the other man. Something suddenly seemed wrong about him.

"That's too bad, really." Cavil looked sadly at her.

"Wh-what do you mean? I would call that good news. Lee and I are happy. Truly happy for the first time in months." Alicia said, slightly shocked by his words. She couldn't understand how Cavil could see a problem there.

Cavil sighed heavily. "I had really hoped it wouldn't come to this, Alicia. I had really thought your marriage couldn't be saved anymore. And as a result, I could spare you."

"What are you talking about?" Alicia suddenly felt scared. The warmth in Cavil's eyes had suddenly disappeared, and he looked like a complete stranger to her. She had to use all her willpower to not jump out of the chair and back away from him.

"We can't have both Adamas commanding the Battlestars. They would be too much of a threat. Unless …" Cavil stood up slowly and walked around the table.

Alicia automatically mirrored his action and got up herself. Hesitantly she walked a few steps away from him.

"Unless …" Cavil continued. "Both Adamas would be distracted by a personal tragedy."

His eyes went cold and Alicia knew in that moment without a doubt that he was here to hurt her. Or worse. She backed away from him more until she stumbled over the threshold to the small bathroom. Startled by the sudden barrier in her way, she lost her balance and fell backwards on the floor. When she looked up again, Cavil was standing above her.

"Your death will destroy your family. I don't want to do it, but you don't leave me another choice."

His fist connected strongly with the bathroom mirror and small pieces of glass rained down on Alicia. She quickly shielded her head with her arms.

"Why?" She asked, her voice shaking from fear. "Why are you doing this?"

"Don't worry, it's all part of God's plan." Cavil said quietly as he bend down to her, a big, sharp piece of mirror in his hand.

XXXXXXX

Smiling wildly Lee walked down the corridor towards his quarters. He still couldn't believe it. He was a Commander. He wasn't even 30 yet and already he was going to command his own battlestar. Okay, granted, there were only two battlestars left and the list with people who were able to take command wasn't very long. But Lee had never seen himself as one of them. Someday maybe, way, way in the future. But not now, not today and especially not after everything that had happened lately.

His heart swelled with joy every time he thought of his father's words. He was proud of him. Truly proud. He hadn't just said it as an afterthought because he had just nearly lost his son to a frakking shot wound. He had meant every word.

He couldn't wait to tell Alicia about it. This would be good for both of them. A complete, fresh new start. Bigger quarters, for one. Nia could have her own room. He didn't think Mathilda would mind joining them on the Pegasus and Alicia could continue her work in Pegasus' sickbay. They would leave new found friends behind, but there was a whole ship full of people they had yet to get to know. This was good. This was really, really good.

"Ali!" Lee called when he stepped into his quarters. He was greeted with deep silence. A shiver ran down his spine. He couldn't explain it. Nothing seemed to be wrong. The room was just empty, that wasn't unusual. But there was something … something that suddenly brought up memories back from the night he had found Alicia after her suicide attempt. He shook the feeling off and stepped forward into the room. Still feeling nervous without reason, his eyes scanned the room. They fell on the slightly open bathroom door and an inexplicably feeling draw him there. Slowly he opened the door …

The first thing his mind took in was the blood on the floor. The whole floor seemed covered by it. Small pieces of glass lay sprinkled everywhere. And in the middle of it lay his wife, pale and lifeless.

"Ali …" Lee rushed to her side and knelt down next to her. He cradled her head in his arms and pulled her close to him, searching her body for any injuries. That's when he saw the slashed wrists and a big piece of mirror lying loosely in Alicia's hand.

"No. No, no, no, no … Ali!" He shook her carefully, trying to get her to wake up. When she didn't respond, his trembling fingers went to search her throat for a pulse. There was none.

The door to the quarters opened again and Mathilda and Nia entered the room. Lee didn't notice any of it. He didn't hear Mathilda's horrified cry or her yell for Nia to stay where she was. He never saw her grabbing his daughter's arm to prevent her from going into the bathroom.

The only thing he could concentrate on was his wife, bleeding to death in front of him. While he frantically tried to stop the bleedings on her wrists, he never realized that the bleeding had already stopped. And when he cradled her into his arms, holding her tightly to him, speaking quietly to her, telling her to hang on, doing anything in his power to stop her from slipping away from him, he never realized that she was already gone.

TBC


	35. Downloaded Part 1

**A.N.: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews and for sticking with this chapter despite the long waits between chapters. **

**Thanks to Laurie for beta reading; as usual, all mistakes are mine.**

This chapter ended up being a bit too long again, so I decided to split it in two parts again. And I'm afraid I let Nia talk a little bit too much for a 2-year-old; I just didn't know how else to write it. I hope you can look over that :\

* * *

Lee felt completely numb as he sat in the waiting area of Galactica's sickbay. He couldn't grasp what had happened. It was all like a huge, terrible nightmare. One that he would wake up from any minute before it would become too horrible.

Only he didn't wake up. And the hole in his heart grew with every passing second until it threatened to swallow him completely.

He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't take his eyes away from the door behind which his wife was being treated. He didn't dare look away. If he did, he was afraid she would slip away from him. Somehow, unnoticed, she would leave him. He couldn't let her leave. What was he without her? They were a family. Alicia, Nia and him. The three of them together. It was supposed to be like that forever. And if not forever, than for as long as he was not shot out of the sky by a Cylon Raider. It was supposed to be him to go first. Not her. And not like that. Not by her own choice.

He clasped his hands tightly together and chastised himself internally. Alicia wasn't dead yet. That's why they were here. Cottle would save her. He had found her in time and Cottle would do anything in his power to help her. She would be okay.

Until the next time. Until she found another reason not to keep living.

Lee clutched his hands over his eyes to stop the tears from rolling down his face. He wouldn't cry. There was no reason to cry. Alicia wasn't dead. Cottle would save her. A moment later he realized what he was doing – he had looked away. Quickly he put his hands down again and continued staring at the door, waiting for any news on his wife. Cottle would save her.

Filled with worry, Adama watched his son from the other side of the room. He had come here only a few minutes ago and since then had tried to find out what had happened. All he knew was that he had been called to sickbay because something had happened to a member of his family. The state Lee was in told him it had to be something real bad. He had tried talking to him, but Lee had stayed quiet. He just sat there and stared at the door to one of the exam rooms. Adama had then tried to find a nurse or Cottle even, but it seems that all of them had somehow disappeared.

Just when Adama thought his patience would run out, Mathilda, carrying Nia on her arms, stepped into the waiting area. He thanked the Lords that his granddaughter was all right. Something must have happened to Alicia then.

"Daddy!" Nia insisted to be put on the floor and she immediately stumbled over to her father.

It pained Adama to see no reaction at all on his son's face. If he had ever taken one thing for granted, it was that Lee would always react to his daughter.

Nia proved that she was a true Adama when she repeatedly tugged on her father's trousers, not liking to be ignored and insisted to be lifted up on his lap. It took a few moments, but eventually Lee snapped out of whatever haze he had been trapped in. He looked down at his daughter and put her up in his arms. His face was still expressionless, he couldn't even get himself to smile at his daughter. Adama wasn't sure if Lee was even aware of what he was doing or if he was purely working on autopilot. But whatever it was, Nia seemed to be satisfied with sitting on her father's lap.

"Mommy?" She looked questioningly at Lee.

This, finally, brought a reaction on Lee's face, but it wasn't what Adama had hoped for. A look of utter devastation flashed across his face and he looked as if he would break down any moment. Adama quickly walked up to his son and took Nia out of his arms.

"Hey princess, why don't we give your Daddy some time for himself right now, okay?" He shot a worried glance at Lee who looked at him with a mix of relief, grief and despair in his eyes.

Nia, being the stubborn little girl she was, didn't want to hear any of it and stretched her arms out to reach for her father. She looked at her grandfather, challenging him to let her go. Adama knew that look. She would break out in a crying fit if she didn't get what she wanted. Living on a ship full of people admiring and spoiling her had taught her that she could get almost anything if she only insisted loud enough.

"It's okay, I got her." Lee spoke in a hoarse voice and took Nia back in his arms. She went still immediately and snuggled close to her father.

Adama was so surprised to suddenly hear his son speak, that he let go of Nia without even realizing it. "Lee, what …"

"Admiral, could I talk to you for a moment?" Mathilda cut in before he could finish.

Adama nodded and followed her to the other side of the room. "What happened?" He cut to the chase immediately. He had enough of waiting.

Mathilda took a deep breath and searched for the right words. "Ali … she … it seems … Lee found her in the bathroom. Her wrists were slashed and she had already lost a lot of blood." She shivered at the memory. "From what it looked like … I think she was already dead when Lee found her."

Adama stared at her in shock. From all the things he had imagined that could have happened, this wasn't one of it. Suicide? "But … they had been happy. She had been happy. Why … were there any signs?" He looked helplessly at the woman in front of him. He had no doubts that with that kind of injuries it had to have been suicide. But why? And how could they not have noticed anything? After the last time, Adama had thought that they, _that he_ had paid more and better attention. How could this have slipped by them?

Mathilda shook her head. "If there had been any, I didn't see them. She did seem happy. She kept telling me how glad she was to be back with Lee. She was starting to make plans for the future. She even talked about the possibility of another child. I … I just don't know." She looked as helplessly and devastated as Adama. "I thought she was okay."

Adama nodded. "So did we all." He swallowed. "And it was Lee who found her?"

"Yes. When I came to their quarters, he was holding her in his arms. She already looked … there was no life left in her." A single tear rolled down Mathilda's cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "I don't think Lee has realized yet that she is dead. He kept telling the medics to hurry. That they needed to save her." She hesitated. "I think Cottle only played along for Lee's sake when he brought her into the exam room. He's probably preparing her right now for …" Her voice broke and she was unable to continue.

Adama felt as if the ground dropped out beneath him. His daughter-in-law was dead. She had killed herself. She had left her daughter and husband behind. She had left _his son_ behind. And Lee had found her. He shivered at the thought of what he would have done if he had found his wife like this. He didn't think he would have survived it.

Taking a deep breath, Adama went over to Lee and took a seat next to him. Gently he placed his hand on his son's shoulder. He felt Lee trembling under the contact. He was barely holding it together. Nia seemed to sense it too. For a two year old she was quite perceptive when it came to her parents. She snuggled even closer to her father and put her arms around his neck. Lee absentmindedly began stroking her hair.

Adama wasn't sure for how long they sat together like this in silence, but eventually Cottle stepped into the room.

"Admiral. Major." He nodded at the two Adamas.

Adama's first instinct was to stop him from continuing. To give them more time to deal with what had happened before the bitter truth would be thrown at their faces. And Lee wasn't a Major anymore. He was a Commander. Adama wasn't sure why this was bothering him so much at this moment. Less than one hour ago Lee had still been a Major. No one except Tigh knew about the promotion yet.

Less than one hour ago Lee had been happily married and the world had still been all right. Well, as all right as was possible these days.

He felt Lee still under his hand and he glanced at his son. Lee was looking at Cottle. Adama could see the hope in his son's eyes that Cottle would bring them good news. That he would tell them that everything was all right. But he could also see the despair because deep down Lee must know that what Cottle would tell them would destroy his world.

Cottle looked gravely at Lee before he spoke. "I'm sorry, son. There was nothing we could do anymore."

The world seemed to shatter in a million pieces. Adama saw Lee pale and he was sure that his son would break down. Lee clung to his daughter more closely and buried his face in her hair, swallowing hard.

"Lee, I'm so sorry." He didn't know what else to say.

But Lee didn't break down. He forced down the pain building up inside of him. And the anger, fury, grief and every other emotion that threatened to overwhelm him at this moment. Instead he concentrated on being strong because there was just no way he was going to break down while he was holding his daughter in his arms. Alicia was dead. He just had to accept that and move on. For Nia. Giving up was not an option.

At least not for him. For everyone else it obviously seemed to be a good and easy way out. It had been for Alicia.

It took a few moments for Lee to regain his composure, but eventually he straightened up and looked back at Cottle. "I want to see her." He said in a hoarse voice. Tears were brimming in his eyes, but he forced them down. He wasn't going to cry. Not in front of his daughter. Nor his father. Or anyone else. He was stronger than that.

"Of course. Just go through the door. Layne is with her." Cottle said softly.

Lee thought it was the first time he had ever seen Cottle not being the sarcastic, gruff man he usually appeared to be. It seemed it took someone close to you to die to see this side of the old man. Lee wished, _hoped_ he would never have to see it again.

"You want me to come with you?" Adama asked.

Lee shook his head. "No, if you could just take Nia … ."

"Sure." Adama took Nia back in his arms. This time the little girl stayed quiet. Placing his granddaughter on his lap, Adama watched Lee step out of the room.

The next few minutes seemed to drag on forever. Adama was waiting desperately for Lee to come out again, so that he could take care of him. Make it better…somehow. If that was even possible. Nia had started asking questions about where her father had been going and where her mother was. And Adama was unable to find an answer. How was he supposed to explain to a 2 year old that her mother was dead? That she had chosen death over being with her family? Protecting the remains of humanity against the whole Cylon fleet was more than easy compared to the situation he found himself in. He was an amazingly good Commander, especially in battle, he knew that. But he constantly failed in his private life.

"What are you still doing here?" Cottle's gruff voice cut into Adama's thoughts.

Surprised he looked up. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm waiting for my son who has just … lost his wife." He whispered the last words. He didn't want Nia to pick up on what was happening around her yet. Angrily he glared at Cottle. "Don't tell me you need this seat for someone else?"

"No, I don't. Stay here for as long as you like. But don't you think you should be in there? With your son?" Cottle snapped.

"He said he didn't want me to …" Adama started, but Cottle interrupted him sharply.

"Of course he said that. He's an Adama. He's as stubborn as his father." The older man grumbled. Pulling out a new cigarette, he turned around and left to look after his other patients.

XXXXXXX

Lee's hand hovered over the door handle. He wanted to go inside, but at the same time every fiber in his body screamed not to. His wife was behind this door. His dead wife. His dead wife who had committed suicide.

Lee closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath, bracing himself for what he would see behind this door and collecting his strength to be able to actually walk inside the room on the other side.

It took several more minutes, but eventually he opened the door and stepped through the threshold. A single table stood in the middle of the room, a figure covered with a blanket lying on it.

Ali was under that blanket.

"Lee …"

Lee startled when he heard his name and saw someone approach him. Layne. Right, Cottle had said she was with Ali. So she hadn't been alone. He wasn't sure why, but somehow he found the thought comforting. Although it didn't really matter. If Ali would have wanted them to be around, she would have stayed with them instead of killing herself.

"I'm so sorry." Layne's whispered words reached his ears.

Lee stiffened and renewed anger flared up in him. Suddenly he was filled with hate and when Layne hugged him, he wanted nothing more than to push her away. And then a single sob reached his ear and all anger was gone in a second. Layne was grieving for Ali just like he was. Maybe it was okay … okay to grieve for someone who had ended his own life on his own free will.

"I'll leave you alone with her." Layne said quietly, her voice slightly trembling. She pulled away from Lee. "If you need anything, you know where to find me."

Lee nodded. "Thanks." He nearly choked on the word. Talking suddenly felt like an impossible task. He waited until Layne had left the room and then slowly walked towards the table Alicia was lying on.

His hand shook when he slowly lifted the blanket from her body. He pulled it down completely. He wanted to see everything of her … it would be the last time.

Lee stood completely still next to his wife's dead body as he took in every part of her. Her face looked ashen _(dead), _her lips blue and he could see bandages around her wrists. He didn't want to believe that this lifeless figure lying in front of him was Alicia. It couldn't be. With a trembling hand he hesitantly stroked her arm. Her skin felt cold. Deadly cold.

"Why did you do this, Ali?" He whispered. "Why didn't you talk to me? Why …" His voice broke and he was unable to go on. He shivered slightly and continued to stare at his wife. He didn't know what to do. He felt that he needed to do something, but he simply had no idea what. Or how to go on. Or what he was supposed to tell Nia. And shouldn't he do something about the funeral? Plan something? He needed to tell people. Her friends. She didn't have many, but most people on the Galactica knew her and liked her. Had liked her.

A wave of despair rushed over him and threatened to overwhelm him once more. This was too much. He felt like he couldn't breath and the world started to spin. He knew he was close to breaking down when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

He moved his head slightly to the left and saw his father standing next to him. Meeting the older man's eyes, the world stopped spinning and Lee could take in air again.

"I'll take care of everything. Just take the time you need. I'm here for you." Adama said softly.

Lee nodded slowly, relief and gratefulness shining in his eyes. Having his father at his side made him think that maybe, somehow he would get through this after all.

XXXXXXX

His father had promised to take care of all necessary steps and, grateful to be relieved from that burden, Lee had returned to the waiting area and had picked up Nia to take her to his father's quarters. He couldn't bring himself to return to his own quarters yet, not because of the blood stained bathroom floor (he didn't even think about all the blood that still needed to be cleaned), but because he couldn't bear the thought to be in the same room his wife had taken her life in.

For some time now Lee had watched Nia playing with her grandfather's model ships. He was trying to find the right words to tell her about her mother. But how was he supposed to do that when he couldn't even explain it to himself? He had no idea why she did it. He hadn't seen any signs. They must have been there. There always were signs. He just hadn't paid enough attention. If he had, then …

"Daddy?"

Startled Lee looked down and saw Nia standing in front of him. He hadn't even noticed when she had stopped playing. He chastised himself for not paying enough attention. If anything had happened, if she had fallen …

"Daddy?" Nia repeated her question and looked expectantly at her father. She definitely wasn't used to be ignored.

Lee forced himself to smile at her, but was unable to form any coherent words. Somehow Nia seemed to understand his distress and without saying anything else, she crawled up onto his lab and snuggled close to him. Lee put his arms around her and held her, his hand absentmindedly rubbing over her back in circles.

That's how Adama found his remaining family a short while later. He locked eyes with Lee; it was obvious his son had been silently crying. Tear strains were visible on his cheeks. It broke the worried father's heart to see his son like this, knowing that there was nothing he could do to make it better.

He raised his eyebrow in question and Lee slowly shook his head. He hadn't told Nia yet. Nodding Adama sat down on the other end of the couch, opposite from his family and waited for the time he was needed.

Lee took a deep breath and forced back the tears that were still brimming in his eyes. Gently he shifted Nia on his lap, until his daughter could face him. With wide eyes Nia looked at her father. Her eyes immediately fell on the tears on his face and she lifted her small hand to wipe them away.

"You hurt, Daddy?" She asked quietly.

"No, I'm not hurt." Lee swallowed. He quickly wiped away the tears. It was the first time he even noticed them. "Nia …" He stopped. What was he supposed to say?

Desperately Lee raked a hand through his hair. He simply couldn't find the right words. Helplessly he looked at his father.

Adama was all about ready to move to his son's side and take away another one of his burdens, when Nia's quiet voice was heard.

"Where's Mommy?"

Lee froze, unable to move, breathe or even think. He could only stare at the questioning eyes of his daughter. A moment later whatever military instincts he had pushed in and Lee was able to act again. For once he was grateful for his father's way to raise him. He had been taught to suppress any emotions if necessary. His father had been a good teacher when it had come to that and Lee had been an even better student.

He put on his best smile and looked into his daughter's eyes. Outward appearance was everything.

"Do you remember what I told you about Billy? That he is with the Gods now?" He asked quietly. He was surprised at how steady his voice sounded.

Nia thought about that a moment and then slowly nodded. "Yes."

"Your Mommy is … she is where Billy is now." Lee swallowed. "She had to leave us and she is with the Gods now."

"When's she coming back?" The little girl asked innocently.

"She … she's not coming back." Lee wanted to say more, something that wouldn't make his words sound so final, but he couldn't think of anything.

Tears were brimming in Nia's eyes. "I want to see Mommy."

"You can't pumpkin. Not for a long while." A single tear escaped his eye and Lee was unable to stop it. "I know you will miss her. So will I. But … she's not really gone, you know?" Lee placed his hand over his daughter's heart. "Your mother loved you so much, that she will never really be gone. She will always be with you, right here."

"I can't see her." Nia sobbed.

"No, you can't." Lee's voice trembled and he took another deep breath to calm himself. "But you can feel her. Maybe not right now, but with the time … you will learn to. Whenever you think of her, real hard, she will be with you. She is watching you from above and whenever you'll need her, she will be there with you." Lee didn't know where he had found the strength to say all this, but he was grateful to whatever higher existence was out there that he had found the right words to talk to his daughter. And that he didn't break down crying while speaking them.

"She come back?"

Lee smiled. "Yes, in a way. You won't see her, but you'll know she is there."

He could see that Nia didn't really understand what he was telling her. How could she? She was only two years old.

"She with Billy now?" Nia asked after a moment, some form of understanding dawning on her young face.

Lee swallowed. "Yes. Yes, she is with Billy now."

"He didn't come back."

"No, he didn't." Lee whispered.

Nia didn't say anything anymore after that. She only clung tighter to her father, her small arms slung around his neck and sobbed quietly on his shoulders. Lee held her closely, once again silently crying with her.

Adama watched his family and couldn't stop the tears from escaping his eyes as well. This was not supposed to have happened.

XXXXXXX

"Can you look after Nia for a few hours?"

Startled Adama looked up from his papers. He hadn't even noticed his son stepping out of the bathroom. It was the first words Lee had spoken since he had woken up this morning. And it was the first thing Lee had asked for since finding his dead wife yesterday.

"Of course. Where are you going?" The worried father asked. Something about Lee seemed off. Adama immediately berated himself for that thought. Of course Lee wasn't his usual self. His wife was dead. But still …

"There's something I need to take care of. I'm back as soon as I can." Lee gave his sleeping daughter a soft kiss on the cheeks before he left without saying anything else.

Worried Adama watched the hatch close behind his son. He wished he could follow him. But he couldn't leave Nia alone and the little girl needed her sleep. It had taken hours last night until she had calmed down enough to fall asleep.

Two hours later Adama was nervously pacing his quarters. Lee still hadn't returned. He was just grateful that Nia was still asleep. He didn't think he could handle …

"Daddy?" A sleepy voice ended the silence in the room.

Adama closed his eyes for a second. He should have known better than to jinx his luck.

"Daddy?" Nia asked again. A moment later she sat up on the bed and frantically looked around the room, her eyes searching for her father.

Within seconds, Adama was at her side and cradled her in his arms. "Your Daddy will be here soon. Don't worry." Gently he wiped away the tears rolling down his granddaughters cheeks, but new ones were following immediately.

"I want my Daddy!" Nia demanded, sobs shaking her body. "Daddy!"

"Calm down, sweetheart. Your Daddy will be back any moment. And you don't want him to see you crying, now don't you?" Adama forced himself to smile at the little girl and did anything in his power to calm her. But nothing seemed to be working. Nia kept crying and calling for her father.

When the hatch opened, Adama looked up in relief, expecting Lee to finally come back. Instead he saw Kara entering the room.

Upon seeing the almighty Admiral Adama struggle to calm his granddaughter, Kara rushed to his side. She took the little girl from her Commander and immediately Nia slung her arms around the older woman and buried her face in her shoulder.

"When I heard the cries outside, I figured you might need a hand." Kara said to Adama, giving him an excuse for why she had come in without even knocking.

Adama didn't need an excuse. He was too grateful that Kara was here. A laughing granddaughter he could handle, but a crying one … that was something he didn't think he'd ever be good at.

"Hey, hey, what is this about, huh?" Kara had immediately turned her attention back to Nia and gently rubbed the little girl's back in small circles. She had seen Lee doing this several times and it had always helped to stop his daughter crying.

"Want my Daddy." Nia sobbed.

"Where is he?" Kara asked worried, looking back at Adama. After hearing about what happened to Alicia, she had been convinced to find Lee at his daughter's side. The more surprised was she to find him gone. It increased her worry immensely.

"I don't know. He asked me to look after Nia. He said he had to take care of something. That was over two hours ago." Adama replied, his voice sounding as worried as Kara felt.

"Do you think that he …" Kara couldn't continue. The thought alone send shivers through her spine. Seeing the question in Adama's eyes, she knew that he hadn't even thought about the possibility. But then, he didn't know what had happened after the Blackbird was destroyed. What Lee had nearly done. Determined to do something, Kara looked back at Nia. She lifted her chin up so that she could meet the little girl's eyes. "I'll go looking for your Daddy. He will be back with you in no time, Nia." Kara smiled. "I promise."

Once she was convinced that Nia had calmed down enough, she gave her back to her grandfather. The little girl hadn't stopped crying, but she wasn't calling her lungs out for her father anymore either and Kara thought that right now that was all she could ask for all things considered.

"I didn't know you were that talented with children." Adama said softly.

"I learned from the best." Kara gave him a half smile. "I'll be back soon."

"Thanks." Adama smiled. He was sure that if anyone could find Lee, it would be Kara.

XXXXXXX

Twenty minutes later Kara was storming into the Adama's private quarters. She had already checked the hangar bay, Lee's office, she had even looked in the morgue, but she hadn't been able to find her friend anywhere. If he wasn't in his quarters either, Kara had no idea where to look anymore. A panic was building inside of her that she could do nothing against. She snatched open the hatch with so much force, that she stumbled a few steps backwards before she found her balance and finally entered the room. She stopped in her tracks at the sight in front of her. Several bags and boxes were situated in the center of the room. She had never seen the quarters so clean. No toys were scattered on the floor and the closet doors were standing wide open, revealing the emptiness inside.

"Lee?" Kara nearly screamed her friend's name out loud. "LEE?"

When she didn't get an answer, she stepped further into the room, heading towards the bathroom. She hesitated a moment before she pulled open the door. Helo had told her what had happened. That Alicia had killed herself – right here in her bathroom. He had been in sickbay, waiting for Sharon to deliver their baby, when the young woman had been brought in. And now Kara stood in front of that very bathroom.

Slowly she opened the door … and caught her breath at the sight in front of her. Lee was kneeling on the floor, scrubbing intently at the blood that had long dried.

"Lee." Kara whispered.

Lee didn't look up. He didn't seem to notice that she was there and continued scrubbing the floor.

Sighing, Kara knelt down next to him and placed a soothing hand on his arm. "Lee, stop."

Startled Lee looked up. "Kara, what … what are you doing here?"

"I've been looking for you." Kara forced herself to smile. "There is a little girl desperately waiting for you to come back."

"I'll be back soon." Lee brushed her hand off and continued cleaning.

"Lee, what are you doing here?" Kara asked, her voice steadier than she felt.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Lee responded angrily. "I'm cleaning out our quarters. We're moving to the Pegasus right after the funeral."

Kara shook her head, utterly confused. "What?"

"Since yesterday, I'm Pegasus' new Commander. Would you let me finish this now?" He asked coldly.

Kara didn't know what to say. This had to be some kind of weird dream. Moving to the Pegasus? Lee was a Commander? And here he was cleaning his dead wife's blood from the floor. If this was a dream, it was one of the strangest ones she ever had.

Kara decided to concentrate on the most current matter. She placed her hand on Lee's arm again to stop him from cleaning any more. "You don't have to do that, Lee."

"No? I don't?" Lee snapped. He glared angrily at Kara and if the young woman hadn't been so worried for her friend, she would have backed away. But as it was, she didn't.

"What am I supposed to do? Let someone else clean up my family's mess?" Lee went on, his voice rising with every word.

"Lee …"

"She was my wife, Kara. I'll take care of this." He glared at her angrily. And then all of the sudden, all anger left him. This wasn't Kara's fault. She hadn't done anything wrong. It had been all him.

"There is a box with … her … her clothes." His voice suddenly sounded weak, too weak, and Lee closed his eyes. He didn't want Kara to see him weak. Anything but that. "Most of them belong to you anyway, so just take them back and leave."

"I'm not here to collect clothes, Lee." Kara said softly. She could feel his arm trembling beneath her hand.

"Then why are you here?" Lee swallowed. Once again talking felt like too difficult a task.

"Because I care about you. And because I promised your daughter I'd bring you back." Gently Kara took the cloth out of Lee's hand. "She's in your father's quarters crying her eyes out because she misses you. She's scared, Lee. She has just lost her mother. She needs you."

"I need to finish this, Kara." Lee's voice sounded so broken that it tore at Kara's heart.

"Let me do this for you." She pleaded.

"I can't." He shook his head. "I have to do this."

Kara thought for a moment and then slowly nodded. "Okay, then we'll do it together. This way you'll get it done quicker and Nia won't have to wait much longer for you. Okay?"

After a moment, Lee reluctantly nodded. "Okay."

Kara took a second cloth that was lying in the sink and together she and Lee cleaned the bathroom floor from the dried blood.


	36. Downloaded Part 2

The funeral for Alicia Adama was held two days later. Due to Lee's wishes only the people closest to her came. Adama, Cottle, Layne, Mathilda and Dee and even the President spoke a few words about her. Lee refused to say anything. He stayed on his seat, Nia clinging tightly to him during the whole service.

Afterwards Adama had arranged a small get-together in the conference room. Lee didn't really feel like being in the middle of all these people, listening to their condolences and watching them grief for his wife. He had a hard enough time handling his own grief and taking care of Nia at the same time.

After shortly talking to everyone for a few minutes, Lee retreated to an empty corner with Nia. Mathilda had offered to distract her a bit and give Lee some space and peace at the same time, but Nia downright refused to leave her father's side. And even though Lee wouldn't admit it, he didn't want to let her out of his sight either. As long as he could see her, he knew she was all right.

"Hey, do you mind if I sit with you for a moment?" Layne quietly asked. She had been waiting to get a chance to talk with Lee alone and now seemed as good as any time. And it might be her last chance, considering that he was moving to another ship tomorrow.

"No, of course not." Lee gave her a forced smile. Actually, he did mind. He wanted nothing but to be alone and not having to talk to someone every few minutes.

"How are you holding up?"

"Good … considering." Lee hesitantly replied. Inwardly he groaned. Why did everyone have to ask him how he felt? He had just lost his wife, for frak's sake.

"I'm sorry. You must hate that question as much as I did." Layne looked at him apologetic. "It just seems like the right thing to say in situations like this, doesn't it? It makes people feel better. Ask how you are, get the expected answer and everything's fine." She sounded slightly bitter.

And Lee understood. Layne knew exactly how he felt. "Does it get easier?"

"Not really … at least not after the first four months." She chuckled. "Ask me again after the next four."

"Maybe I will." Lee smiled and this time it wasn't forced. It was only a small smile, but it was real. "We should form a widow and widower support group. With Dee we'd already be three."

"Oh, I'm sure in times like this we'd be growing fast. We should consider charging people when they join us." Layne joked.

Lee actually laughed at that and Layne fell in a moment later. They calmed down fast, neither of them really able to forget why they were here.

"Did you notice anything?" Lee finally asked. It was something that bothered him even in sleep. Had anyone else notice something? Some signs that Alicia wasn't all right? That something was wrong? Had he been the only one blind?

"No, I didn't." Layne placed a comforting hand on Lee's arm. "She was happy."

"She _seemed_ happy." Lee objected, his voice sounding weak. "She was a better actress than I thought."

"No, Lee." Vehemently Layne shook her head. "She wasn't acting – or hiding – anything. She _was_ happy! I don't know what happened, but … well, actually …" She hesitated a moment, unsure if she should continue.

"What?" Lee urged her to go on. He was desperate for any information regarding Alicia. Anything that could make him understand why she did it.

Layne sighed and then locked eyes with Lee. "Shortly before … before her death, there … she witnessed something in sickbay."

"What?" Lee asked confused.

"A girl, one of Cottle's patients from another ship … she had an abortion. Ali had taken care of her. She didn't talk about it, but it must have been hard on her, considering her past. I had meant to broach the subject later, to give her some time to …" Her voice broke and Layne quickly wiped at her eyes. She had waited too long.

Lee sat quietly next to her. An abortion … could that have been it? Had it brought up the hidden pain from Ali's own abortion four months ago? They hadn't really talked about it either. They had fought about it, screamed at each other because of it and later, when they had come back together, they had forgiven each other. But they hadn't really talked about it.

"I just thought you should know." Layne said quietly. "Don't blame yourself, okay? There was nothing anyone could have done."

Lee nodded slowly, but didn't say anything after that.

XXXXXXX

After the funeral, Lee immediately returned to his father's quarters. He hadn't talk to anyone again after his conversation with Layne.

Adama and Kara followed him nevertheless; neither of them was willing to leave him alone right now.

"It, um, it was a nice service." Kara said quietly. She watched how Lee sat down on the couch. Nia crawled on his lap immediately. She hadn't left her father's side the whole day.

"Yes, it was." Adama replied when Lee didn't give a response. "I was surprised you didn't want to say anything." He added, looking slightly accusatory at his son.

"What was I supposed to say?" Lee replied defiantly.

Kara was actually startled to hear him speak. He had hardly said anything since she had found him in his quarters the other day.

"Oh, I don't know. Something about how much you loved your wife … how much you will miss her." Adama swallowed and ignored the stunned looks Kara was sending his way. He knew his words sounded harsh and the last thing on his mind was to start a fight with his son right now. But for the last two days he had watched Lee building up walls around him and shutting everyone out except for Nia. He hardly talked, hardly ate except when his daughter refused to eat without him and he hardly slept – and when he did he was plagued by nightmares. That needed to stop. And Adama was determined to get Lee to talk before he moved to the Pegasus.

"She was my wife, I think it's obvious that I loved her. I don't need to walk around and tell everyone." Lee replied stiffly.

Adama opened his mouth to reply, but didn't have the heart to continue when his granddaughter started to speak. Since she learned about her mother's death, she was as quiet as her father, so hearing her talk was as surprising as hearing Lee talk.

"Daddy, read me?"

"Sure pumpkin." Lee smiled at her, a forced smile that never reached his eyes, but it was all he could manage at this time. "If you'll excuse us."

Without looking at his father or Kara any more and relieved to have an excuse to not continue this conversation, Lee picked up his daughter and walked with her to the only bed in the room. For his remaining time on Galactica, he had taken his father's bed to sleep there with Nia, since she refused to sleep alone and neither Adama nor Lee had had the heart to let her sleep on the couch. A few toys and an old, hackneyed children book lay scattered on the bed and around it, baring witness to the fact that a child was now living in the Admiral's quarters – if only temporarily.

Adama wished it could stay like that forever.

"Well, I should be going then." Kara said quietly after a moment. She suddenly felt like an intruder to this small family.

"Thank you, Kara. For everything" Adama took her hand in his for a moment and looked at her truly grateful. It was the first time Adama didn't feel any anger towards her since she had accidentally shot Lee. He had made sure not to spend any time with her then; he had even extended her stay on the Pegasus – what had been planned to only be a few days trainings mission had evolved into a whole month. He hadn't wanted to have her around … now he was glad she was here. She had been a great help the last two days. She cared about Lee as much as he did, he could see that. And he thought that maybe, if he wouldn't be there to help Lee through this time, maybe Kara could. And he had already put plans into action to make sure that at least she would be at Lee's side once he moved to the Pegasus.

"Don't mention it." Kara smiled and then left the Adama's alone.

Sighing Adama sat down on the couch and listened to Lee reading to his daughter. He remembered the story as if it had only been yesterday that he had read it the last time. Lee probably didn't remember anymore, but the book he was reading his daughter from had once belonged to him. Every time Adama had visited his family on Caprica, he had read to Lee and Zak from that very book. He had taken it with him when he had moved out. His boys had been too old then to be read to anymore. They hadn't had any need for a children's book anymore, but Adama had needed it as a reminder. Not even Tigh knew that, but once in a while he would take it out and skim through the pages, remembering a time when his oldest son had still looked up at him as his hero. He had been more than glad to give it to Alicia to read it to Nia. Smiling Adama leaned back and listened to the soft voice of Lee reading to his daughter.

"On the meadow of stars there lives the sandman. He is a very important person in the world of the heaven and he has many jobs. He has to teach the stars to sing and he has to take care that during the day, when they are not on the sky, they properly clean their rays. " Lee read in a quite voice. He was surprised that he managed to keep his voice so steady. With every word he read, he saw images of Alicia sitting next to Nia's bed and softly reading to her. He could feel her eyes on him during the times he had been the one reading. The memories seemed to catch his breath, but he continued reading. And with every word, the tension seemed to lift and other distant memories replaced the despair inside of him. Memories of a warm, deep voice speaking the very words he was reading to his daughter now. "Stars are beautiful little girls with silver hair and every child on every planet has its own star." He continued.

"Me too?" Nia asked.

"Of course." Lee smiled as another memory came back to him. "You may not remember it, but when we still lived on Caprica with your grandma, I took you out every night and I showed you your very own star. It is the brightest star on the sky and it belongs only to you."

"You have a star too?"

"Yes, I have." Lee nodded and shortly glanced at his father. "Mine is directly next to your uncle Zak's."

"And Mommy?"

Lee swallowed. He should have seen that one coming. "Of course she has one too. It's very high up in the sky and it looks out for all the other, smaller stars."

"Like Mommy looks for me?" A single tear rolled down Nia's cheek and Lee gently wiped it away. A moment later he rubbed his hand over his own face to hide the tears that were threatening to escape his own eyes.

"She always looks out for you. I told you so, didn't I? Would I be wrong?" Lee put on his best smile, hoping it would convince Nia and hide his pain deep inside.

"Nooo, you're never wrong, Daddy." Nia quickly sat up, slung her arms around Lee's neck and gave her father a kiss on his face.

Lee swallowed. If they went on like that, he was sure he would break out in tears any minute. And he couldn't risk that. Because if he started to give into the grief now, he was afraid he wouldn't find a way to stop it anymore.

"Let's go on, okay?" He tucked Nia back into bed and covered her with the blanket. He picked up the book and continued reading.

With tears in his eyes, Adama watched Lee from across the room. His son might not have said it in words, but he had seen it in his eyes. Lee knew exactly where that book came from.

XXXXXXX

"Okay, I think we have everything." Lee looked at the small huddle of boxes and bags lying on the floor in front of him. Most of the things belonged to his daughter … it was amazing how many children's clothes, toys and other necessities they had been able to get their hands on since the attacks.

The hatch to his father's quarters opened and Mathilda stepped in. Lee blushed seeing the older woman. He hadn't talked to her once about his plans to move to the Pegasus. Not that he had tried to avoid the subject – he simply hadn't thought about it.

"Looks like everything is ready for the big move." Mathilda smiled at Lee and then knelt down next to Nia. "You have Dolly with you, sweetheart?"

Nia nodded and pointed at the puppet she was holding in her arms. She seldom went anywhere without it.

"Mathilda …" Lee started, looking uncomfortably at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't even talk about this with you. We …"

"Don't worry, your father had already filled me in on everything. My bags are packed and I'm ready to go." Mathilda smiled.

Surprised Lee looked at her. "What? Oh, but … We can't expect you to move again. You already gave up your friends once when you moved to the Galactica and …"

"Stop right there, Lee Adama!" Mathilda ordered him, looking at him so sternly she could compete with the older Adama any time. Lee almost felt like a little boy again. "I have found new friends here on the Galactica and I will find new friends on the Pegasus as well. I have taken you and your family into my heart and not even the whole Cylon fleet is going to stop me from being there for you. Especially now." She added more softly. "I lost my family in the attacks and I came to think of you as somehow a new family. Nia means the world to me. You're not going to take that away from me, are you?"

Lee blushed even more, feeling utterly embarrassed now. "Of course not. I just thought …" A smile crept on his face as he realized that he too had somehow started to see Mathilda as part of the family. She was already more like a grandmother to Nia than a Nanny. "You have no idea what it means to me that you are willing to come with us."

His words didn't exactly mirrored his feelings and gratefulness to the older woman, but Mathilda understood him nevertheless. Smiling she padded his arm. "Let's go then." She grinned. "I'm always looking forward to a new challenge and from what I heard, the Pegasus is going to be one hell of a challenge." She tousled Nia's hair and then got up to leave. "I'll meet you in the hangar bay. Our Raptor is already waiting." Winking she added, "I always wanted to say that."

Chuckling Lee watched her close the door behind her. For a moment, the heaviness on his heart seemed to lift a little bit. "You heard her, Nia. Our Raptor is waiting."

XXXXXXX

Lee wasn't sure how, but somehow he managed to carry all their bags and Nia to the hangar bay in one run. He was amazed– considering the fact they had started with basically nothing six months ago – how much stuff they had managed to collect in that short time.

He did his best to not think of the one, big part missing.

His father had offered to help, but then some kind of minor emergency had forced him to bid his good bye to his family earlier than planned and hurry off to CIC, so Lee was currently without a babysitter at hand. His original plan had been to leave Nia alone for a few minutes and take most of the bags to the raptor, then come back and get his daughter. But once again she had refused to leave her father out of sight and Lee had to admit that the pure thought of leaving Nia alone – even for only a few minutes – sent waves of panic through him. Lee was starting to worry about Nia's clinginess. It was one thing that he didn't want to let her out of his sight, but Nia shouldn't need to have him around all the time. Once he was on the Pegasus, he couldn't take Nia with him everywhere. She had to learn to let go. But she was only two – how was he supposed to talk about this with her? And how was he supposed to leave her behind when she was crying and calling for him?

"You need a hand, Commander?"

Kara's mocking voice pulled him out of his thoughts. With a mix of relief and frustration he looked at her. "What does it look like?"

"Give this to me." Kara laughed and took most of the bags.

"Thanks. What are you doing here anyway?"

"What, you think I'd let you leave just like that?" Kara smirked.

"I thought we had said our goodbyes yesterday." Lee replied with a raised eyebrow. Not that he was really surprised to see Kara here. She clang to him almost as much as Nia. The only difference was that she at least left for the night. And even though Lee appreciated her worry for him, he also felt crushed by her consisting hovering over him. Combined with his father's efforts to somehow make this easier, he sometimes felt like he couldn't breathe. So in some way it was good that he was moving to the Pegasus. There would be new people who didn't worry about him and would only look at him as the new Commander … not the man who had just lost his wife. To suicide. New people, new responsibilities and more work than before – that was exactly what he needed right now.

"Nah, that was no goodbye. And anyways, it seems we're going to see each other much more often than we both thought last night." Kara grinned and Lee's suspicions immediately rose.

"What did you do?"

"Not I, Lee Adama. Your father. He doesn't trust Stinger very much, not after that man pointed a gun at you, so he transferred that jerk to Galactica and me to Pegasus. I'm your new CAG, Commander." Kara gave Lee her typical Starbuck wide grin.

Lee stifled a groan. "You're kidding, right?"

"Hey, I'm going to be a good CAG." Kara acted offended.

"Daddy is CAG." Nia cut in and pointed at her father's insignias. She was already a full military girl.

"Your Daddy is a Commander now, Nia. That means he gets to order many more people around. Just like your Grandpa." Kara grinned. "Your Dad and I will be a great team."

"I'm going to send you to the brig if you don't behave, you know that, right?" Lee pointed out.

"Now you sound exactly like a father who threatens to send his daughter to her room. You hear that, Nia? Remember that tone, your Dad is going to use that one on you a lot when you're older. But don't worry, I know a trick or too …"

"Kara." Lee looked at her with narrowed eyes. "You won't ruin my daughter."

Holding her hands up in all innocence, Kara looked at him sheepishly. "I only have her best interests in mind."

"Sure you do." Lee chuckled, not being able to stay serious any longer. Immediately guilt welled up in him for feeling so lighthearted. Alicia wasn't even dead a whole week.

Kara saw the shadow flash across Lee's face, but before she could say anything, Racetrack's voice sounded from out of the Raptor.

"Are you ever going to get in? There's a Battlestar waiting for you, Sir."

"Already on the way, Racetrack." Lee replied. He brushed by Kara without saying anything else and entered the Raptor. He greeted Mathilda who had already been waiting for them and then strapped Nia on one of the seats.

Sighing Kara followed them inside. This would be harder than she thought.

TBC

from "Peterchens Mondfahrt" by Gerdt von Bassewitz


	37. Razor Part 1

**Thank you for all your wonderful comments on the last chapter **

Despite what I told everyone who cared to ask, I ended up using "Razor" for this story after all. I haven't seen the movie yet, but after reading the transcript, I just couldn't leave it out. I hope I didn't interpret what I read in the transcript too wrong.

This chapter is unbeta'd, so please ignore any mistakes I made.

* * *

"_I'm so, so sorry. I didn't see you. Are you all right? You're not hurt, are you? Oh Gods, you're bleeding. I … I'm gonna call an ambulance and …" Anxiously she stared at the man, who was still sitting on the ground in front of her car, and rattled down the words that came to her mind. _

"_I'm fine." He said for the fifth time. When was this woman ever going to listen to him? "And it's not your fault. I wasn't looking and just ran on the street. I'm lucky you are such a careful driver, or else I might have gotten seriously hurt." He forced himself to smile despite the pain in his side where her car had hit him. He hoped his words would calm her down. She looked as if she would hyperventilate any moment. _

"_Are you sure? Maybe a hospital …."_

"_I don't need a hospital. I'm fine." He winced as he stood up and leaned heavily on the car when a sharp pain flashed through his side. He was pretty sure he had a cracked rib, but a little bit of wrapping would take care of that. He didn't need to go to the hospital because of it. _

"_I'm Lee." He introduced himself to prevent her from bringing up calling an ambulance again. She still held the portable phone in her hand. _

"_Alicia." She took his offered hand. "And I'm so sorry. Here …" Alicia rummaged through her bag and after a moment pulled out a card. "That's my address. Should there be any damage that you might find out about later, just call me. Or … am, well, give it to your insurance and then they can … I don't know … sue me." She swallowed and a look of panic flashed through her eyes. _

"_No one is going to get sued. I'm fine, really." Lee tried to re-assure her. "Like I said, this was my fault. There's a café over there. Why don't I invite you for a cup of coffee to make up for it?" _

"_I hit you with my car. If anyone is going to pay for the coffee, it should be me." Alicia immediately objected. _

"_Fine. You pay the first cup and I the second. You can park your car over there, there's a free spot." Lee smiled. He was relieved she had agreed to go to the café. She didn't look like she was able to keep driving in this state. _

"_Oh … okay, yeah. Just … just wait here, I'll be back in a moment." With that Alicia quickly got back into the car and drove to the parking spot Lee had pointed at. _

_Lee shook his head as he watched her park the car. What an idiot he had been; running on the street without even looking. He really was lucky that she had paid so much attention. If she had hit him with full speed, he might have been dead now. _

"_Dead like me, you mean?" _

_Startled Lee turned around – and stared into the dead eyes of his wife. All color drained from his face and for a moment he couldn't breathe. In front of him stood Alicia, wearing a white gown. Her wrists were slashed and blood was pouring down her hands and over her dress. Quickly a pool of blood formed around where she stood. _

"_Ali …" _

"_Are you happy now, Lee?" Alicia asked in a cold voice. "You always wanted to be free. No more burdens, no crazy wife to look after anymore. No one to force you to do things you don't want to do." She laughed, a hollow, cold laughter that send shivers through Lee's spine._

"_Don't you wish I had done this much earlier?" Alicia went on, her voice sounding cynical and full of hate and disgust. "Then you wouldn't have to stay in the military. You wouldn't have to keep asking your mother for help. You could have had Kara when you wanted her so much."_

"_Ali, don't … don't say that. I never …"_

"_You killed me, Lee Adama! This is all your fault!" She screamed at him and suddenly Lee felt something wet and slick on his hands. _

_When he looked down at himself, he saw blood on his hands and arms, dripping down on his uniform. "No, no, I didn't …"_

"_You killed me! You killed me! You …"_

"NOO!" With a start, Lee woke up from his sleep and sat up in bed. He was trembling all over and his eyes frantically searched the darkness for his wife.

"Daddy?"

Nia's sleepy voice brought Lee back to reality. He startled when a small lamp in the room went on and his father practically jumped from the couch.

"Lee, what's wrong?"

Lee swallowed. It took him a moment to regain his composure. When he was able to stop the trembling, his father was already at his side.

"Lee?"

"It's okay. I'm okay." He turned to his daughter, who looked at him with wide eyes. "Get back to sleep. I just had a bad dream." He forced himself to smile and then looked up at his father. "It was just a dream."

"You want to talk about it?" Adama asked softly.

"No, I'd rather go back to sleep. It's a big day tomorrow." Lee replied. He didn't look at his father, instead he lay back down and concentrated on his daughter. She had her eyes closed again already and snuggled close to him. He tugged the blanket back over her. He felt the mattress shift at the edge of the bed and heard his father's quite steps walk back to the couch.

"Good night, son."

Lee heard the worry in his father's voice. He hated being the reason for that. "Good night, Dad."

XXXXXXX

As he put down the last of their bags on the couch, Lee looked around his new quarters. They were big. Bigger even than his father's on the Galactica. He would change the single bedroom into Nia's room so that she could have a room for herself. It wasn't that important yet, but as she got older, it would be a huge advantage. The bathroom was bigger too. There was even a small bathtub in which he could bath her. She always had hated the showers.

The room looked cold and Lee tried not to think of the fact that two people had been murdered here recently. At least he hadn't had a close relationship to either of them. He hadn't even liked them. Given the time, he would make this quarters their home.

A stab of pain reminded him that this quarters would only be home for him and Nia. It was just them anymore. It was in moments like this that the memory of Alicia hurt the most. She would have loved these quarters. She had never said anything, had never complained, but he knew that the quarters they had had on Galactica had been too small for her. She needed space to breathe and she hadn't had that. Maybe that's why …

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. Just in time, he thought. He didn't want to dwell anymore on why Alicia had killed herself. He would never find out and he would only keep blaming himself. That would only pull him down again and how was he supposed to take care of Nia then?

Taking a deep breath he turned his attention on his waiting visitor. "Come in."

The hatch opened and a smiling Mathilda stepped into the room. "Hi, I just wanted to know if I can help you with anything. Wow …" She looked around the room. "These quarters are huge."

"They are." Lee smiled. "Nia will even have her own room. I hope you're satisfied with your new quarters as well?"

"Am I satisfied? Frak, yes." Mathilda laughed. "Please excuse the language, but my quarters are a dream. They are much bigger than the ones I had on Galactica. So no worries."

"I'm glad to hear that." Lee said relieved. He had been worried that Mathilda wouldn't like it here and would want to go back to her original ship. "Actually, it's good you're here. I need to report to CIC – I'm the new Commander after all." Lee chuckled. He still wasn't used to the sound of it. He wondered if he ever would. Commander Adama - that reminded him more of his Dad than himself. "Lt. Hoshi is expecting me in CIC; he's my escort for the day and is going to show me around later."

"You need a babysitter on your own ship?" Mathilda teased him.

"According to Hoshi, it's standard procedure on a Commander's first day." Lee shrugged. "What do I know. Since I refused to have a ceremony so soon after the funeral, I can give them at least that. Could you look after Nia until I'm back?"

"Sure." Smiling Mathilda bend down to the little girl who had been busy unpacking her toys from one of the boxes. "We can arrange your new room. What do you think, Nia?"

"With Daddy?" Nia asked.

"No, it will be just the two of us. That's a woman's job." Mathilda winked at her.

Lee knelt down next to the two of them. "I'll have to leave for a little while. You'll have fun with Mathilda, all right? I want to see some progress with unpacking when I'm back." He gave his daughter his widest smile, but Nia wouldn't hear any of it.

"I go with you, Daddy!" She insisted. Her small hands grabbed tightly on her father's arm and she didn't look as if she would let go of it anytime soon.

"Nia, you can't go with me. I have to go to work." Lee put his own hand over Nia's and gave it a comforting squeeze. He swallowed down the lump building in his throat. "We talked about that, remember?

"Daddy, no." Tears were starting to roll down Nia's face and she slung her arms tightly around her father's neck. "Don't go."

Helplessly Lee looked at Mathilda. The older woman shrugged. She didn't know what to do either. All she knew was that the little girl needed her father. And her father needed to be in CIC.

"Um …" Hesitantly Mathilda looked at Lee. "How strict are the CIC rules about non military visitors?"

"Why?" Lee looked at her dumbfounded. But when his daughter's sobbing grew louder, he understood what Mathilda was hinting at.

XXXXXXX

"Commander on deck!"

An officer announced Commander Lee Adama's arrival in CIC and all eyes immediately went to the entrance. An overly quiet silence fell over the room. No one moved or dared to speak up.

Lee let his eyes wander around CIC, taking in all the people looking at him. This wasn't exactly how he had planned his first day as a Commander, but it could have been worse.

"At ease." He said loudly and then walked up to the middle of CIC. He did his best to overplay the awkwardness of the situation. Taking a deep breath, he looked down at the console in front of him. A moment later he bend down on his knees and put the little girl, who had hung tightly on him the whole way from their quarters to CIC, on the floor. He couldn't really have left Nia behind, now could he?

"You stay right here, okay?" Lee said softly.

Nia nodded, but was too intimidated by the new surroundings to say anything.

Straightening up, Lee began to start the prepared speech he had worked on last night. He had just opened his mouth, when he felt small hands tugging on his leg. Stifling a defeated sigh, Lee did his best to not let on that there was a two year old girl hanging onto him. Inwardly, he thought that he hadn't needed to work so hard on his speech after all. After this, there was just no way he would gain these people's respect with just a few words. He didn't think that they would be impressed by him bringing his daughter into CIC.

He couldn't change that now though and after taking a deep breath, he started talking.

"My name is Lee Adama. Some of you might still know me from my short stay here as a pilot a few weeks ago. Today, I have returned to you as your new Commander." He took another deep breath. He always hated speeches and he just hoped he wouldn't blush or stumble over his words. After all, this speech was broadcasted shipwide.

"Eight months ago, the world changed. Our lives changed forever. We found ourselves shouldering responsibilities we never thought we have. Duty, honor, service. They're more than words." Lee swallowed. He still remembered his first Commander to say these words to him. He had carried them in his heart ever since. "Those are the guiding principles for those who serve in the military. And recently all have been of short supply o­n this ship. That's gonna change, beginning today! We can't always choose our circumstances but we can choose how we handle them. I intend to give you my all, I expect nothing less in return. Kara Thrace has already been appointed to be my acting CAG and I'll be making other officer and duty assignments in the coming days as I review your files." He let his eyes rest for a short moment on every man and woman in CIC. "This Battlestar is one half of the only protection humanity has left. It is our job to save these men, women and children out there. We fail, humanity is lost. So let's not fail. That's all."

He gave a salute to his new crew and glanced down at his daughter who looked at him with wide eyes. He wondered if she had understood anything of what he had just said.

"Arms, Daddy?" Nia demanded, stretching her arms up.

Lee could hear a few chuckles from behind. Ignoring them for now, he picked up his daughter and then turned back to Hoshi, who still stood next to him. "Anything I need to know, Lieutenant?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary, Sir. It was a quiet day." Hoshi reported.

"Those are the best." Lee smiled.

"They are indeed. Um, may I ask who your … assistant is, Sir?" Hoshi blushed slightly at the question.

Lee looked from Hoshi to the little girl on his arms. "Let's call her Secondary XO. This is Nia Adama." Somehow Lee managed to not blush at his words. Nia's eyes widened with joy.

A smile crept on Hoshi's face, even though the young man tried to look earnest. "My pleasure, um … Ensign Adama?" He looked questioningly at Lee.

"Ensign it is." Lee smiled, some of the tension and nervousness leaving his body. At least no one had out right laughed at him yet.

"Ensign Adama." Hoshi smiled at Nia and gave her a salute as well.

Always proving to be a rightful Adama, Nia raised her hand to her head and returned the salute, a wide grin on her face. "A tease." She said proudly and Hoshi couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

"She seems to be a true Adama." He grinned.

"She is." Lee agreed, stifling a sigh. Sometimes it would have been easier if Nia had inherited more of her mother. A pang of pain reminded him what that could mean. "And I wouldn't want it any other way." He added quickly.

"And will our Secondary XO join us every day now?" Hoshi asked.

Lee couldn't sense any harm in his words. The younger man really seemed to like his daughter and didn't seem to have much of a problem with this situation so far. Lee was grateful for that; it made this a lot easier. But still, he wanted to make clear from the beginning that he was as hard as any other Commander. He just had a hard time seeing his daughter cry. "No, she won't."

"Yes." Nia called out excitedly at the same time.

"This is just for today. She, um, just needs some time to adjust to the new surroundings … and everything." Lee cleared his throat. "She's a quiet girl, so just act as if she isn't here. That goes for everyone." He said a bit louder. "Just do your job as you always do. We're still at war and we can't let anything distract us from our jobs."

A few nods and mumbled "Yes, Sir" followed his words. Lee took a deep breath and turned his attention towards Dradis. "What's the CAP's status?" He asked.

"Down, Daddy."

"In a minute, Nia."

"Hawkey and Bullseye are circling the fleet. Winster and Buckshot are scouting the latest coordinates that were send by Galactica." Hoshi reported.

Lee nodded. He remembered Hawkey from his time on Pegasus when Cain was still the Commander, but the others he had no idea who they were. He had a lot of new names to learn. Sighing, he realized that he needed to read a lot of files the next few days. Maybe he could get Kara to help him. Knowing her, she already knew all deep secrets of the pilots to blackmail them into doing what she wanted.

"Daddy, down!" Nia insisted, more determined this time. Apparently she had decided that CIC wasn't a place she had to be afraid of, and now was eager to inspect her new playground.

Sighing Lee looked at his daughter. He didn't want her to run around in CIC, but he couldn't very well carry her around all the time either. He hadn't really thought that through when he had brought her here. "Don't leave my side, okay? No running around, you hear me?"

"Yes, Sir." Once again Nia gave her very own form of salute - hitting her head hard with her hand. Lee flinched every time she did that, but it didn't seem to hurt her at all.

"Don't worry, Sir. Everyone here will keep an eye on her." Hoshi told him smiling.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Lee sighed. His daughter had the rare talent to distract every man and woman just by being in the room. Already he could see half of the crew eying the little girl with smiles on their faces – the other half watched him with a mix of curiosity and suspicion, which wasn't really much better. At least they weren't laughing, so he should probably be grateful for that. He just hoped the Cylons didn't choose that very moment for an attack. He would be the first Commander in history to have destroyed a Battlestar simply by bringing his daughter into CIC. That wasn't exactly how he wanted to be remembered.

Reminding his daughter once more that she should stay at his side, Lee let her down on the floor again. As promised, Nia didn't move away from him more than a few steps and she never really let him out of her sight. It was exactly what Lee had wanted her to do and yet it worried him. She was two years old. Every instinct in her should scream out loud to do the exact opposite of what her father had told her. She should _want_ to run around CIC and try to inspect everything.

Yet she didn't.

Lee knew the reason why. He just didn't know what to do about it.

XXXXXXX

"_We need to talk." With a mixed expression, Alicia looked at him. _

"_Can we do this later? I'm already late." Lee replied absentmindedly. He was buttoning up his uniform, trying to listen to his girlfriend, but at the same time his thoughts were miles away. _

"_So am I." _

_Confused Lee looked up. "What do you mean?" _

_Alicia swallowed. "I know this isn't the right time. So shortly after Zak's funeral." She hesitated a moment when she saw the pain reflect in Lee's eyes. "But …" She stopped again and looked hesitantly at the man she loved. _

"_What are you talking about, Ali?" Lee asked impatiently. He wished she would get to the point. He didn't have all day. _

"_I'm pregnant." _

_Lee stared at her, too dumbfounded to say anything. _

_He blinked and in that millisecond Alicia's appearance had changed dramatically. Her face was ashen, her eyes looked dead. Blood was dripping from her wrist; her dress was already soaked by it. _

"_Don't you wish you had just turned around and left me then?" She said coldly. "No commitments, no worries. You would have been free. Why didn't you leave me, Lee? You never loved me. Not like her. You should have been honest from the beginning. Then I wouldn't be dead now!" _

_Her hissed words were like deep stabs into his heart._

"_You killed me, Lee!"_

Lee woke with a start. He wasn't screaming this time, but he couldn't stop the trembling. He cast a quick look at his daughter, but she hadn't woken up.

Lee was grateful for that little relief; tiredly he rubbed his hands over his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. The dreams shook him to the core. He didn't want to, but the question whether there was some truth to his dreams, wouldn't leave his mind. Was he responsible for Alicia's death? Had she killed herself because he hadn't been able to stay away from Kara?

Groaning he rested his head back on the pillow. He wanted the dreams to stop.

For the rest of the night, Lee lay still with his eyes open. He didn't want to go back to sleep.

XXXXXXX

"How did Dad ever do this? I bet he knew every name of every single member of his crew even before he ever stepped on board the Galactica." Lee groaned. A huge pile of files lay on the table in front of him. And these were just from the flight crew. He hadn't even begun to start reading the files of all the other crew members.

„I'm sure the Old Man had the same problems as you. And don't forget that he had a lot more time to get accustomed. He wasn't thrown into the position; he knew at least a month in advance. He had enough time to collect all the information he needed." Kara replied, stifling a yawn. She leaned against the couch which stood in one corner of the Commander's quarters. A soft, comfortable couch that somehow didn't fit to any furniture she would have associated with Cain, but it seemed to fit perfectly to Lee. As if Cain, when she had chosen the couch, had known that he would own it one day.

"I've been working on this ship as a pilot and still I don't even know half of them by name." Frustrated Lee threw the file he had been reading on the table. He was glad that they had decided not to work at his desk. As boring and tiring as this task was, at least they sat comfortable – the files outspread in front of them on the table and the two of them sitting on the floor with their backs resting against the couch.

"That's because you're not a people person, Apollo." Kara teased him. "Most of your time here you lay on your rack, brooding or reading. If you had taken the time to talk to some of the people here …"

"You tried that and they successfully ignored you." Lee quipped.

"Yeah, but at least I learned the names by cursing at them." Kara laughed. "Don't worry. No one expects you to know everyone's name after the first day. It'll come with the time."

"I hope you're right." Lee sighed.

"And if not, we can always ask your Dad to make me the new Commander. I always wanted to have my own Battlestar and at least I already know all the names."

Instead of replying, Lee grabbed a pillow and threw it her way. Laughing Kara caught it before it hit her head and threw it back at Lee.

"You're just envious." She grinned.

"That must be it." Lee laughed. A moment later he threw the pillow back at Kara and immediately a pillow fight broke loose that would have made Nia squeal with joy had she still been awake.

A few files were wiped from the table and lay scattered on the floor, but neither Lee nor Kara took any notice of it. They scrambled for the pillows as if they were some kind of secret weapon and both were laughing and giggling like little children. For a short while no crew member files, Cylons, tasks or grief worried them.

"You really think you have a chance against the great Starbuck, Apollo?" Kara laughed, throwing another pillow at Lee while at the same time ducking to avoid being hit herself. A moment of inattention made her slip on one of the files that lay on the floor. Trying to keep her balance, Kara grabbed at Lee's arm. She caught Lee by surprise and instead of holding her, she managed to pull him down with her.

With a loud thumb Kara landed on the floor. Lee would have fallen right on top of her, but he managed to stop his fall with his hands propped on the floor. Breathing heavily, Lee looked stunned at Kara who lay still below him.

"_Who's dreaming now, Apollo?"_

"_You haven't won yet, Starbuck."_

_Before Kara knew what was happening, Lee had knocked out her arms and she fell on him, her face now only inches away from his. Their eyes locked ... and time seemed to stop. Lee thought he could hear his heart beating loudly. He found it impossible to draw his eyes away from hers._

The memory flashed through Lee's mind and caught his breath. He jerked away from Kara and stared at her, a haunted look crossing his features.

"Lee?" Startled Kara backed away from Lee herself. Just a moment ago she had felt as if she was drowning in these deep blue eyes of his, and the next those exact eyes were pushing her away. "What's wrong?"

Trembling, Lee rested his head against the couch behind him. More memories flashed through his mind. He didn't want to remember, not that, not now, but he couldn't help it.

"_I want a divorce." Alicia said, her voice trembling slightly. _

_Startled Lee looked up from his papers. "What?" _

"_Don't pretend that this isn't exactly what you want. Divorce me and be with Kara, it's what you wanted in the first place." _

"_Are you insane?" Lee had enough. For weeks now they have been fighting or worse, not talking at all. They were dancing around the problem, had tried to ignore it and hoped they would somehow work it out eventually. He had tried to be patient, to respect that she needed her space. He had needed his space. And now this? A divorce? _

_He wasn't like his father. He wouldn't go the easy way and leave his family behind. _

"_No, Lee, for the first time, I'm thinking completely clear. You don't love me. Fine. I get that. You don't need to throw it in my face …"_

"_I never did anything like that!" Lee objected, his voice raised in anger. _

"_You just need to look at Kara and even a blind man can see what you feel for her. You don't even try to hide it!" Alicia's voice had risen too, hurt and anger dripping from her words._

"_I have always been there for you, Ali. Always. No matter what. I never betrayed you, not once." Lee nearly spat the words out. _

"_Maybe not with your body, but with your mind. Don't tell me you never thought about kissing Kara. Or touching her. Or making love to her!" Her voice hitched at the last words. "I heard you; in sickbay. What you said to her."_

"_I don't know what you're talking about." _

"_You didn't want to come back. That's what you said. And you told HER. Of all people, Lee, you told her!" A lone tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. _

_Lee took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. It didn't work. He knew what she was referring to. The Blackbird Incident. His near-death-experience. His near-suicide. Only he hadn't done it. He might not have wanted to come back to all the chaos around him, but there had been one thing that was worth living for. Nia. She had been the reason he had put his finger back on that frakking hole. Nia had been the reason, not Alicia … but not Kara either. And who cared who he had told whether he wanted to come back or not? He had come back, hadn't he? _

_And how dare she use that against him now? With fury in his eyes he stared at his wife. "Maybe I would have told you, but you weren't there." As usual. _

"_I was there, only she was there faster. And it was her you cried your heart out in front of, not me. Not your wife!" Alicia looked as angry as Lee felt. _

_He wanted to reply something, anything, but before he got the chance to, the door flew open and Kara rushed into the room. He could see the fury in Alicia's eyes turn into a cold triumph … as if the fact that Kara was here now proved that she was right. _

"She was right." Lee mumbled. He had started trembling all over and it scared the hell out of Kara.

„Who was right? Lee ..." She slowly walked up to him and knelt down next to him. "Lee, what's wrong?"

Lee shook his head and backed away from her. "I can't … I can't do this."

"What?" Kara didn't understand. One minute they were having fun and enjoying themselves and the next … "Oh …"

Suddenly she understood. She chastised herself for taking so long. She had gone through the same damn phase after Zak's death. No fun, no joy, grief only. And most importantly, no Lee. Because that would have been like betraying Zak. "Lee …"

"Can you … can you just go? Please?" Lee nearly choked on the words. Talking suddenly had become an effort. One that he didn't think he could put up with at the moment. He had a hard enough time taking in one breath after the other.

"Lee, you should talk about this. Don't …"

"I don't want to talk. Okay? I just want to be alone. Now! So just go." His voice sounded hard, but his eyes were pleading with her to just do what he had asked.

And as hard as it was for Kara, she knew that she couldn't refuse him that. Slowly she stood up and walked a few steps away from Lee. The more the distance between them grew, the more Lee seemed to calm down. It hurt. It hurt more than she had thought possible.

"Fine, I leave." She said quietly, fighting against the tears building up in her eyes. "But I won't let go of this. You need to talk about this. If you don't want to talk with me, fine, but talk to someone. Your Dad, Mathilda, frak, you can talk with that Cavil guy for all I care, but talk. Don't keep this in, because trust me, it'll eat away at you. And you can't let that happen."

"This is none of your business." Lee pressed out.

"The hell it is. I love your daughter too much to let her grow up with a father who is as damaged as I am." With that Kara turned around and left the room.

Lee stared at the empty spot she had vacated. He was finally alone. Kara was gone just as he had asked for. The only problem was that he would give anything for her to come back.

But he couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't betray Alicia like that. He couldn't.

XXXXXXX

His first week as Commander of the Pegasus was not like Lee had ever anticipated. Nia still refused to leave him out of her sight and since he still wasn't immune to her tears, he brought her along to CIC every single day. By now he was convinced the whole ship was laughing about him, if not the whole fleet. A great Commander he was; he couldn't even handle his own daughter.

And then there was Kara. He tried avoiding her as much as possible. He had tried that once before on Galactica and it had worked; only then Kara had played along with it. This time she was determined to be around him every free minute she could spare. As Nia, she refused to leave him alone. So not only could he not control his daughter, he couldn't control his CAG either.

Sighing, Lee looked at his paper. This was not how he had imagined being a Commander was. Not that he had ever really thought about it. Not consciously anyway. Before the attacks he had just waited for an opportunity to present itself and then leave the military. All he had needed was a job offer that gave him the same benefits and money as his military job. He had never planned to become a Commander. Then the Cylons had attacked and the Galactica had been the only remaining Battlestar. With his own father being the Commander, Lee had refused to even think about what would happen should his father once not be able anymore to do the job. The great William "Husker" Adama would survive them all – this childhood believe still ran through Lee's mind and it was hard to get rid of it. And to tell the truth, he didn't want to. It was easier to believe that his father was invincible and near immortal. It made him feel safe, despite everything else.

And here he was, Commander of the Battlestar Pegasus. How that could have happened, he still didn't know. That his father would ever show him this much faith was beyond anything Lee could have imagined. He had tried doing his best to live up to his father's expectations, but he knew he was failing miserably. He refused to give up though. That wasn't in his nature. If he could help Nia accept that she wouldn't lose him as soon as he was in another room, that would be the first step in the right direction.

The past few days he had thought about how he could achieve that. He had tried a few things, but nothing had worked. Nia still clung as tightly to him as on the first day. There was one option he still had open though – but so far he had tried to avoid that. But he couldn't continue to bring his daughter to CIC. One day they would be under attack and then he couldn't watch out for her and command the ship at the same time.

Finally he made up his mind. He couldn't avoid this last option any longer. He would talk to Cavil. Maybe the man could even give him an answer as to why Alicia had taken her life. At the most, he should be able to give him some advice what to do with Nia.

As soon as his next meeting was over, he would call the Geminon Traveler and arrange a meeting with Cavil.

A knock on his door announced his new visitor. Kendra Shaw. She was one of the few he did remember from his previous time on the Pegasus. She had been Cain's right hand. He hadn't liked her and from the cold shoulder she tended to show him the feeling was mutual. And now he was making her his XO. He wished he could keep Hoshi as his second hand, but the younger man had made it clear that he didn't feel comfortable in this position. That left him with Kendra Shaw. It was a good decision. People would accept her quickly as the new XO; and it would show the crew that he respected their former Commander. Even though the truth was far from it.

"Come in." Lee eventually called for the woman to enter.

"Lieutenant Kendra Shaw reporting as ordered, Sir." Shaw said stiffly as she entered the room. She saluted Lee and stood at attention in front of his desk.

"At ease, Lieutenant." Lee returned the salute. "Have a seat."

"No thank you. Frankly, I'm used to standing in this room." Shaw replied coldly.

Lee smiled. "Yeah. Admiral Cain apparently wasn't big o­n chairs. Even dead, the woman casts a shadow. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that."

"Sir?" Shaw frowned at his words.

"I've been reviewing the fitreps for the ship's officers and ... frankly, you're a puzzle." Lee decided to drop the small talk and come straight to the reason for this meeting. "Top ratings from Cain, clearly she thought the world of you. Then a whole series of increasingly negative reports from Fisk and Garner who demoted you to kitchen duty for ..." He looked down at the file in his hand. "… persistent insubordinate behavior. So, the question is: Who are you?"

"Who am I? I'm a soldier." Shaw replied stiffly. "As were Fisk and Garner. Neither those men deserved my respect, so they didn't get it."

"Can you be more specific?" Lee asked.

Shaw hesitated a moment before she replied. "Fisk was a black market sellout, he was a piece of garbage, unworthy of the uniform. Garner was a martinet who tried to micromanage this ship like it was some bulky piece of machinery." She practically spat out the words.

Lee didn't think it was possible to have an ever lower opinion of these two men as Kendra Shaw had just expressed. "Hard to dispute either assessment." He agreed with her. "What about me? Don't hold back just because I've got a pulse." He grinned.

For a moment Shaw didn't seem to know what she should think of his words, but then she straightened up and Lee could see in her eyes that she was about to give him her honest opinion.

"You're a step up." Shaw replied. There wasn't a single trace of a smile on her face. "But that doesn't change the fact that you're an outsider who was brought in to clean up our mess, or the impression that your daddy just gave you a Battlestar like he was tossing you the keys to a new car."

"You certainly don't disappoint, Lieutenant." Lee said, impressed by her honesty. He didn't know many people who talked like that to their commanding officers. "So, how would you like to be my new XO?

"Sir?"

Lee hid his grin at the stunned expression on the Lieutenant's face. "O­ne thing I learned from my father before he _tossed me the keys _is that a commander needs a strong right arm. I also need to send a message to this crew that I respect Cain's legacy. Even if the truth is that I don't." Lee decided that honesty would work best with this woman. She would caught him lying and he couldn't deserve losing her now. "I'm no Cain. But I intend to give this crew their pride back. So I'll let you carry her torch. Deal?"

His gaze never left the Lieutenant as Lee put the Major's insignia on the desk. "In that case, Major, you're out of uniform. Dismissed."

For a moment, Shaw stared at the insignia in front of her. Then her eyes went up to meet Lee's. For a moment their eyes locked and then she picked up the insignias and left without a further word. Lee watched her leaving and wondered if he had made the right decision. He had the feeling that there was more to Kendra Shaw than her outer coldness let on. He hoped he wasn't wrong.

XXXXXXX

"_Do you, Lee William Adama, take this woman, Alicia Maria Carnell, to be your beloved wife? Do you vow to cherish her, love and honor her in good times as in bad, in health and in sickness, until death do you part?"_

_Lee looked at the woman standing next to him. She looked breathtakingly beautiful. Seeing her now, dressed all in white, tears of happiness glistening in her eyes, he couldn't understand how he could have ever doubted his decision to marry her. _

"_I will." He said with all the dedication he felt deep in his heart. _

_Smiling he looked back from the priest to his soon-to-be wife … and froze. Her white wedding dress was soaked in blood; blood that was pouring from deep gashes on her wrists. The love that he had seen only moments ago in her eyes had been replaced with hatred. _

"_How could you do this to me, Lee?"_

"_Ali …"_

"_You never loved me; not like her. How could you stand here, knowing what you know, and marry me?"_

_Lee swallowed and tears were rolling down his face. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted anything of this to happen." _

"_You killed me, Lee!"_

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry …"_

"I'm sorry." Lee mumbled in his sleep. A moment later his eyes flew open. Breathing heavily he stared at the dark ceiling above him. He pulled his hands into fists to stop them from shaking, but it wasn't doing much good. His whole body was trembling. Like every night.

He listened on his daughter's breathing, careful to any indication that she might have woken up. She hadn't.

Lee swallowed and wondered how long he could go on like this. The dreams haunted him every night. How much more of this could he take before it drove him crazy?

TBC


	38. Razor Part 2

**A.N.: I'm not really satisfied with this part. So you might just want to skim through it quickly until you reach the end **

* * *

"I hope my visit didn't destroy any plans you had." Adama said.

He and Lee sat comfortably on the couch in his son's new quarters and enjoyed a cup of coffee. Pegasus was the only ship left that had real coffee on board; Adama was sure that Cain hadn't bothered to share this stock with her crew. Too bad he hadn't thought of that at the time.

"No, not at all." Lee replied after taking a sip of his coffee. The truth was that he had had to postpone his meeting with Cavil when his father had called and had asked to come aboard, but Lee wasn't too disappointed about that. Cavil would still be there tomorrow and it wouldn't change anything if he took Nia to CIC one more day or let her sleep in his bed instead of her own for another night.

"Did you and Nia settled in yet?" Adama asked.

"We're getting there." Lee replied. "The quarters are great."

"Yes. I'm already envious." Adama chuckled. "For as long as I am a Commander, I never had a spare room in my quarters."

Lee smiled, but didn't reply anything.

"How are you doing, Lee?" Adama asked earnestly a moment later.

Lee cleared his throat before he replied. "Good. Nia and I need to adjust to a few things, but … we're good."

"It's only been a week, Lee. You don't have to …"

"Dad, I'm fine. Really." Lee interrupted his father. "I have a new job, lots of new duties and Nia. We're okay."

"Have you talked with anyone?"

"About what?"

Adama cocked an eyebrow at his son. He didn't need to say anything else.

Lee sighed. "I don't need to talk."

"Lee …"

"I can't, Dad." Lee looked pleadingly at his father. "She didn't want to live anymore. I need to accept that. It hurts." He swallowed. "But I can't talk about it. Not yet, okay?"

"Okay." Adama nodded slowly. It pained him to see his son hurting and not being able to do anything about it. His eyes wandered around the room and came to rest on his granddaughter, who was playing quietly in a corner. "It's strange not seeing her every day any longer." He said quietly. "She looks like she has grown so much in this week."

"If it helps, she misses you too." Lee replied with a small smile. _She also misses her mother, but her he couldn't invite over for a cup of coffee._

Adama thought for a moment. "We should meet regularly. At least once a week. This way I won't miss seeing her growing up."

"I'd like that." Lee nodded.

They fell into a silence. Adama thought about a subject they could talk about. Why was it so hard to talk to his son? He never had that kind of problems with Zak. But Lee had always been different. He had always wanted more than Adama had been able to give.

"I saw your new XO at the shooting range today with a couple of nuggets. She's tough." Adama said eventually. At least, they always had the job to talk about.

"I thought an XO is supposed to be tough." Lee smirked, using the words his father had used so often when he was defending Tigh.

Adama chuckled. "Didn't think it possible you could find an XO meaner than Saul Tigh."

"Yeah, she's tough." Lee admitted. "But I think we need tough."

"Any ruffled feathers?" Adama asked.

Lee smirked. "Well, she and Kara don't exactly get along ..." His voice trailed off. He didn't think he had to say more. His father knew Kara as good as he did.

"Ha. I'd like to sell tickets to that dance." Adama chuckled. A moment later he sobered up and looked earnestly at his son. "Just remember that an XO is not a blunt instrument. The two of you have to make up a team. That takes trust."

"Well, we trust each others to do our jobs." Lee said. Right now, that was all he could ask for.

"I guess that's a start." Adama replied. He put his cup back on the table and took on a stern expression.

His Commander-face as Lee had begun to name it. Since his arrival on the Galactica he had learned a whole new side of his father. He wasn't just a military man to him anymore – he was a father and grandfather now too.

Adama sat straight on the couch, all signs of coziness gone. "Now that your house is in order, I have a mission for you." He went on. "Against my better judgment, I let a science team take a Raptor from us to go out to study a supernova remnant. They're overdue. I want you to track their course, see what you turn up. Three civilians, two pilots."

"And if we run into the Cylons?" Lee asked, already trying to think of a plan of action and what he would do with Nia. He couldn't bring her to CIC during a mission.

"It's a search and rescue mission. Don't get into a battle that you don't wanna play. That being said, use your own judgment. This is your command." Adama finished. His heart filled with pride at his words, but he did his best to hide it from Lee. He had always dreamed of seeing his son commanding his own ship; albeit in different circumstances.

Lee on the other hand had a hard time hiding the proud and satisfied smile that plastered his face. Family problems aside, this was his first mission as a Commander. It was special. "I'll inform Kara and let you know of the details." He said after a moment, pride swinging in his voice. Who would have thought that he would ever be so happy about a search and rescue mission.

XXXXXXX

"You had to make that bitch your XO? What about Hoshi? He was doing a good job." Kara complained.

Lee had just informed her about his decision to make Kendra Shaw his XO and about the mission his father had given him.

"You just have to accept the fact that you're destined to hate your XO. You can't escape your destiny." Lee grinned.

"If she screws up and only one of my pilots die, I have been your CAG for the longest time. I'm serious, Lee, I'd be more than happy to return to Galactica." Kara held her finger at Lee threateningly.

"I'll hold you to your word. Now get out there and find me that science team." Lee smirked.

Kara only waved him off and started to leave his office.

"And Kara?" Lee called after her before she had the chance to close the hatch completely.

"What?" She asked, poking her head back inside.

"Make sure all my pilots get back safe." Lee swallowed.

"I will."

No teasing comeback line, just these two words. It was enough to convince Lee that she would make it back again. Kara Thrace had never broken a promise before.

XXXXXXX

"Nothing to the right of me, nothing to the left of me. Feel like I'm drowning in nothing out here."

"Come o­n, Showboat, sing out. Let me know I got company."

"Sing out, Cap? You mean, like a song? What about Ninety nine bottles of Ambrosia?"

"Damn, Showboat. You're taking me back."

The pilots chattering rang through CIC and Lee almost wished he could be out there with them. He wondered if he would ever fly a viper again. His father hadn't. After his promotion to Commander his days as a fighter pilot had been over.

"She ever shut up?" Kendra Shaw groaned. "Chatter like that breeds sloppiness, it's a bad example to the other pilots."

"Well, as long as she sets a good example with her flying, we'll come out ahead." Lee replied. He really hoped that his XO and CAG would learn to get along eventually. If he had to take up the two fighting forever, he was pretty sure he would end up throttling one of them.

"Sir? Multiple dradis contacts bearing 3-9-9, carom 6-2-0. Fighter size ... Unknown configuration, Sir." Hoshi reported.

"Raiders, it has to be." Shaw hissed.

As if on cue, Kara's voice was heard in CIC; all banter had disappeared from her tone. "We got company ... Pegasus, Starbuck. Where do these guys come from?"

"Starbuck, Actual. You and Showboat double time back to the nest." Lee ordered.

"O­n our way, Pegasus. I don't like these odds. Showboat, stay with me."

Lee had to use all his willpower to force down the fear in his gut. He hated that he was stuck on this ship while his pilots were out there fighting. All he could do was shouting out orders.

"Defensive batteries, selective fire o­nly, watch out for our people." He called out. "Prep for jump as soon as we recover our birds." He glanced to the entrance where Mathilda was keeping Nia busy. He hadn't been very successful in getting her to stay in her room, but at least she had agreed to stay at the entrance with Mathilda where she could still see him. He noticed the worried expression on the older woman's face and gave her an encouraging smile. He would get them out of here. All of them, including his pilots.

"These ships ... I can almost see 'em. There's something weird about them." Kara's voice was heard through the comm.

"Sir, shouldn't we launch alert Vipers and engage?" Shaw asked.

**"**That's not why we are here, Major." Lee objected.

"Sir, w..."

**"**We spot our missing ship, we'll go after her." Lee interrupted her immediately. "Otherwise, we jump out of here and report back to Galactica." Lee inhaled deeply. He hoped they would find the raptor fast. He wanted Kara back on board.

"Pegasus, Starbuck. We got a kind of a problem with our new friends. They don't want to say goodbye."

Lee wanted to reply, when Hoshi's voice cut in. "Sir, FTL crew reports power failure in main navigation computer."

Lee groaned. "You got to be kidding me." He thought for a moment. "Let's go to emergency backup. We need those jump coordinates."

"They're all over us. We can't break free." Kara shouted over the comm.

"Ensign, direct all batteries to commit full load of fire, close range... NOW, Ensign." Shaw ordered.

It was too late for Lee to take her order back. Kara was already yelling that they were in Pegasus' firing solution.

XXXXXXX

Lee thought he was going to be sick when he saw the crashed viper and the raider on top of it. That was Kara's viper! He saw a medical team standing nearby, but no patient next to them.

Oh Gods!

A hundred different scenarios flashed through his mind as he got closer to the crash site.

Kara jammed in the viper.

Kara badly injured and bleeding to death.

In pain.

Dead.

Just when he thought he couldn't bare it anymore, he saw a blonde bundle rushing in his direction … and right past him.

"You frakking bitch!" Kara screamed and immediately threw herself at Kendra Shaw who had followed Lee down to the flight deck.

"Hey, what's …" Shaw didn't get a chance to finish her question as she was suddenly too busy to fend off Kara's punches.

After Lee had recovered from the shock to see Kara alive and moving, he quickly walked up to the two fighting women and pulled Kara away from his XO. "That's enough!" He barked loudly.

"For frak's sake, it's like she was trying to get us killed." Kara yelled angrily. If it hadn't been for Lee holding her back, she would have launched herself right back at Shaw.

Lee glared at her sternly. "Look, Major Shaw has the authority to take any action she feels necessary to protect this ship."

"She's a loose cannon." Kara hissed. She stared at Lee in disbelieve. How could he defend her?

"And she's also the XO." Lee continued, ignoring Kara's remark. "And frankly, ordering that barrage probably saved your skin."

Kara laughed out loud. "Forgive me if I don't say thanks."

"Ah, come o­n, Kara! Just …"

"Don't!" Kara interrupted him. She directed her glare back at Shaw. "You wanna tell me what the hell you were thinking?"

"It was a nice bit of flying, Captain." Kendra Shaw smirked cynically. "But I'd think twice about questioning my tactical orders."

"Tactical orders?" Kara snorted. " That's what you call blowing the crap out of your own pilots?!"

"Questioning orders is a bad idea o­n this ship, Captain." Shaw replied coldly.

Everyone around them seemed to be frozen in their movements after that statement. Everyone but Kara who with an angry cry threw herself at the XO again.

Groaning, Lee went between them to pull them apart. He had enough of this. "Act like officers, Godsdammit!" He barked. "You've got everybody watching you o­n this deck. Major, get back to CIC and make sure that no Raiders have followed us. Starbuck, you're going to sickbay to get yourself checked out."

"I don't need to …"

"That's an order, _Captain_!"

"Fine. _Sir._" Kara said indignantly. Throwing a last glare at the retreating form of Kendra Shaw, she walked away towards sickbay. The medical team followed her in a safe distance.

Sighing Lee looked around the flight deck. What a mess! "Get that cleaned up." He ordered. "And I want to know every single detail about this Raider. And I want it yesterday!"

With that he walked away too and let the deckhands do their job. They knew what to do. He trusted them on that.

As he turned toward the exit, he saw Mathilda and Nia standing next to the hatch. His daughter looked scared at the chaos around her and even Mathilda looked worried at what was going on. Sighing he walked up to them. He hadn't even noticed that they had followed him down here. Although it shouldn't surprise him. Nia, with the help of Mathilda, followed him everywhere.

He smiled for his daughter's sake and put her into his arms. "Your Auntie Kara knows how to create chaos, doesn't she?"

Nia looked hesitantly at her father, as if she wasn't sure if it was okay to not be scared any more. But when she saw him smiling, she decided it was safe. "Auntie Kara always breaks things." She giggled.

"That she does." Lee laughed.

"You know what the Captain is going to do to you if she finds out you're calling her _Auntie_, right?" Mathilda grinned.

"Oh yes." Lee chuckled. "That's oughta be fun."

XXXXXXX

24 hours later, after the destruction of the Cylon fleet that had taken them by surprise, Lee sat in his quarters, a bottle of some of Cain's best ambrosia sitting before him on the table. Nia was already asleep, so he didn't have to worry about her catching him drinking. He wasn't planning to get drunk, not with his daughter in the room, he just needed something to calm his nerves with.

He wasn't sure what had shaken him so much. The thought of Kara almost dying today? Twice? And on his orders on top of it? It wasn't the first time he had sent her on dangerous missions. Guarding the tyllium mine against the single raider, Scar, had been dangerous. Sending her on CAP was always connected with danger.

So what was different now?

He took another sip of his drink and looked thoughtfully at the remaining liquid in his glass. Maybe he just wasn't ready to loose someone else close to him so soon after Alicia's death. That had to be it.

But something in his gut told him otherwise. He just wasn't willing to accept the truth.

A knock on the hatch pulled him out of his thoughts. His eyes quickly went over to the bed where Nia was sleeping soundly. Even at night she refused to be away from her father. Relieved Lee saw that she hadn't woken and quickly rose to open the hatch before his unexpected visitor would knock again.

"Hey." With a hesitant smile Kara stood on the other side of the hatch.

"Kara. What's wrong?" It was the middle of the night. She should be in her rack, sleeping. For that matter, he should be sleeping too.

"I couldn't sleep. Did I wake you?" Kara asked softly.

"No, not really." Smirking, Lee opened the hatch a bit wider and revealed the bottle of ambrosia on the couch table.

A knowing smile crept on Kara's lips. "Drinking alone is so boring, Apollo."

"It's a good thing I have company then. Come on in." He stepped back and Kara followed him inside.

His inner voice was shouting at Lee that letting Kara in in his quarters in the middle of the night was the exact opposite of avoiding her. Lee ignored this voice. He had almost lost Kara today. It was reason enough to make an exception.

"We need to sit in Nia's room." Lee whispered. He pointed at the sleeping girl on his bed.

With a soft smile Kara watched Nia for a long moment. "No problem."

Lee grabbed the bottle from the table and together they walked into his daughter's room. There wasn't any furniture in it except a children's bed and a closet, so they both took a seat on the floor, their backs resting against the wall.

Taking the bottle from Lee, Kara held it up for a toast. "To a successful mission." She said before taking a long drag of the ambrosia. "Frak, this stuff is good!"

"One of the advantages of being Pegasus' Commander. Cain, or maybe it was Fisk, they kept a few bottles of this stuff in their desk."

"A few bottles?" Kara raised her brow and grinned mischievously.

"Don't get up your hopes. I won't get drunk with my daughter sleeping in the other room."

"I don't have a daughter." Kara grinned.

"I won't let you get drunk either. Give me that." He took the bottle back from her and took a sip himself.

They both fell into a comfortable silence, the ambrosia going back and force between them. At some point, Kara took out a knife from her pocket and started playing with it. Lee knew immediately who it had belonged to. He had seen Kendra Shaw with that knife more than once.

"Not a lot to show for a life, huh?" Kara asked, looking at the knife thoughtfully.

"I guess not." Lee replied quietly. "Do you have any idea why she did it?"

He still couldn't quite grasp that Kendra Shaw had sacrificed herself. She had not only saved the mission, but Kara as well. He wasn't sure what to make of it. He hadn't thought that the young woman had been capable of acting so selfless. Or maybe she had just been tired of life. He knew that feeling.

"Maybe she thought she had a lot to answer for. Maybe she had it coming." Kara said quietly.

"We've all got it coming." Lee whispered. He wondered if they would ever have to pay for their actions. If _he_ had to pay for it. So many people had died because of his actions, his orders. It had been for the greater good, to save the fleet, but was that excuse enough?

They fell silent again for a while, both lost in their own thoughts. Again, it was Kara who started speaking.

"I should ask for a transfer back to Galactica."

"Any reason?" Lee asked.

"You might say that I have a beef with my commanding officer."

"And what's that?" Lee smiled. He didn't bother to sound worried. Ever since Kara had become his acting CAG, she threatened to go back to Galactica.

"Motherfrakker keeps trying to get me killed." Kara laughed.

Lee swallowed. He could see that Kara wasn't really angry. She didn't mean what she had said. Though there was some truth in it. His orders had almost gotten her killed. Her laughing was infectious though and he couldn't help but to keep her teasing tone up. "You ever think you might deserve it?" He grinned.

"Oh! Speak for yourself, Lee, I have a destiny. Had my palm read by a Cylon, remember?" Kara smirked. She took another drag from her bottle.

"A destiny, right." Lee snorted.

"You better believe that." Kara held the bottle up as if that would prove her point. Then she took another sip and handed the bottle back to Lee. "So I guess you're stuck with me till the end."

"Not when you transfer back to Galactica." Lee pointed out.

„You'd be lost without me, Lee. How could I leave you alone? Plus, there's no way your next CAG will be as good as I and if you continue to try to kill off your CAGs, we're going to run out of qualified pilots soon." Kara winked at him

Grinning, Lee only shook his head and took another sip of the ambrosia. She was right. He would be lost without her.

XXXXXXX

"_Welcome home." Lee smiled happily at his wife, who had spend the last few months in the mental institution of the local hospital. _

"_It is good to be home." Alicia smiled. She looked down at the bundle in her husband's arms. "She has grown so much." _

"_From now on you will always be here to see her grow yourself." Smiling, Lee shifted his daughter in his arms and put his free arm around his wife's shoulders. "I missed you so much." _

"_Did you?" The coldness in Alicia's voice caught Lee's breath. _

"_Ali, please don't …" _

"_Did you really miss me? Or did you miss the person who should have taken care of your daughter? Don't mock me, Lee. I know that I'm not the woman you want to have next to you."_

"_Please …" Lee looked at her pleadingly. He couldn't take any more of this. _

"_You should have left me in the hospital." Alicia spat. "But a crazy wife wouldn't have been good for your military career, now would it?"_

"_That's not true. I never …"_

"_You killed me, Lee! You never loved me, never cared enough for me and in the end, that's what killed me!"_

Lee opened his eyes. He lay stock-still on the bed. His breathing was calm. He had learned not to wake his daughter because of his dreams.

When the horror of his nightmare passed, he felt a wetness on his face. He wiped his cheeks with his hands, but the tears just kept flowing. If only he could change the past.

XXXXXXX

"This is ridiculous." Lee said, looking frustrated at the older woman in front of him.

"It's worth a try." Mathilda pointed out.

"It hasn't worked before, so why should it now? As soon as she wakes up, she's going to realize that I'm gone and then …"

"And then I'll deal with it. She has to learn that you can't be around her all the time, Lee. This has been going on for too long." Mathilda tried to reason with him.

"She's two! She shouldn't have to learn that."

"There are a lot of things she shouldn't have to. She shouldn't have lost her home to a Cylon attack. She shouldn't have lost her mother. She shouldn't have to be on the run from the enemy. But she is. She has endured all this and she is going to survive an hour or two without you." Mathilda said in a stern voice.

Lee knew she was right. He couldn't keep taking Nia with him all the time. "She's gonna start crying." He said helplessly.

"And she is going to stop eventually." Mathilda put a comforting hand on his arm. "I'll be here to comfort her. She won't be alone. Go meet your father and then talk to Cavil. I'm sure he's going to tell you the same."

Lee was torn between his duties and staying with his daughter. But in the end he knew that he didn't really have a choice. "If it gets too bad, contact me, all right? CIC will know where I am."

"I will."

"Promise."

Mathilda couldn't help but chuckle. "I promise. Now go!"

Sighing Lee did what she said and left his quarters, not without checking on his daughter one last time. She was still sleeping soundly. When Lee closed the hatch to his quarters, leaving his daughter behind, it nearly broke his heart. He hated to admit it, but he needed her around as much as she did. Only he couldn't break down crying when she wasn't near him.

XXXXXXX

Lost in thought, Lee entered the flight deck. He hadn't slept well. Or hardly at all, to tell the truth. After his nightmare of Alicia, he had fallen back asleep eventually, but strange dreams had kept waking him up again and again. They had been different than the others. He hadn't seen this twisted version of an Alicia that blamed him of killing her. He had dreamed of Kara. And it was like Alicia had never existed.

He didn't believe that dreams could mean anything in the waking world, but especially his dream about Kara had left him rattled. It hadn't been a good idea to stay with her alone for so long the other night, especially not with an almost full bottle of ambrosia. It hadn't taken them long to empty that bottle and when they had finally called it a night, Lee hadn't wanted her to go.

That wasn't good.

He needed to let her go. Because he and Kara, that just was impossible. She was in love with Sam and he … he had had his wife. And he wouldn't disgrace her memory by starting something with Kara. He shouldn't even think about it. Alicia wasn't even dead a whole month! She deserved more than that.

Against his better judgment, he had let Kara come too close. Again! That needed to stop. Maybe she really should transfer back to Galactica. That would solve the problem once and for all. He knew that wouldn't happen anytime soon though, so he had to start staying away from her.

Again.

Maybe it would actually work this time.

With that plan in mind, Lee stepped up to Chief Laird who pointed him in the direction of the raptor waiting for him. His jaw nearly dropped when he saw a grinning Kara waiting for him next to the Raptor.

"Need a ride, Commander?" She gave him a half salute.

Lee stifled a groan. How was he supposed to keep up with his plan if she already started to foil it? "I can pilot the raptor myself, Starbuck. Enjoy your downtime. Your shift ended over an hour ago." He had made certain from the beginning to memorize her schedule in order to not accidentally run into her if it wasn't absolutely necessary. This had worked well on the Galactica once, but for some reason failed him badly on the Pegasus.

"Ah, but that would be against protocol, Commander. You wouldn't want to break any rules, do you?" Her grin widened.

Lee narrowed his eyes at her. "Of course not." He walked passed her and stepped onto the raptor. "I look forward to a _quiet_ flight." To make his point, Lee didn't take the co-pilot seat next to her, but sat down at the ECO's station.

"Oh, but where would be the fun with that?" Kara laughed and followed him inside.

Feeling like he had just walked into a trap, Lee watched the raptor's hatch close.

XXXXXXX

Lee was starting to relax when five minutes into the flight Kara still remained quiet. Maybe she hadn't tried to corner him into a talk after all. Maybe she just wanted to make sure that no inexperienced pilot was flying his raptor. It's what he had done when it came to his father when he had still been Galactica's CAG – only the best of his pilots had been scheduled to fly the Commander's raptor.

It would make sense that she did the same now. Kara was practically part of his family – his father already saw her as his own daughter. She was almost like a sister to Lee.

Lee groaned at that thought. Who was he kidding? Kara couldn't be far more from being like his sister.

"I heard you're going to the Geminon Traveler after the meeting with your father. You have any special business to take care of there?" Kara asked, not even bothering to hide her curiosity. Kara had always been nothing but direct.

Lee should have known not to jinx his luck by thinking that she would stay quiet for the rest of the flight. "I'm just meeting someone."

"Someone I know?"

"I don't think so." It wasn't really a lie. Kara had met Cavil on Alicia's funeral, but that didn't mean she really knew him. Right?

"For personal reasons or is it your first official mission as Pegasus' Commander on another ship?"

Lee hesitated. He didn't really want to tell Kara who and for what reason he was going to the Geminon Traveler, but he didn't want to lie to her either. She didn't deserve that.

"Could we talk about something else?" He asked instead.

"Sure." Kara replied.

Her answer had come too quickly for Lee's liking. He knew she was up to something even before she said her next words.

"Last night was nice." She said quietly. "It felt like old times."

Lee didn't really know how to respond to that. "Um, yeah."

"You were hard to find the week before. I almost got the feeling you're trying to avoid me." Kara went on.

"I was just busy." Lee replied.

"Mhmm."

She stayed quiet for the next few minutes, and Lee was just starting to think that this had been all she wanted to talk about, when she started talking again.

"So, what happened last week …"

"I don't want to talk about it, Kara." Lee interrupted her quickly. He really, _really_ didn't want to talk about last week.

"Lee …"

"Look, Kara, I'm sorry about what happened. I …" Lee searched for the right words, but was unable to find them. How was he supposed to explain what had happened? He wasn't even sure about it himself.

"I don't want you to apologize, you idiot, I want you to talk about what is going on with you."

"What's going on with me? I just lost my wife, that's what going on with me." Lee's voice raised in anger. He might not know how to handle his mixed feelings, but he sure as hell knew that he was allowed to act at least a little bit different than his usual self after his wife's death.

"I know you did. And you should talk about it." Kara stayed persistent.

"So everyone keeps telling me." Lee sighed. Couldn't she just give it a rest?

"Well then talk."

"I am talking." Lee snapped.

"With who?" Her tone of voice made it clear that she didn't believe him.

Lee hesitated a moment. "Cavil." He finally said quietly. "I'm talking to Cavil. That's why I'm going to the Geminon Traveler."

There, he had said it. He had told her the reason for his visit to the Geminon Traveler and he had assured her that he was talking about Alicia's death. No lies, he had stuck exactly with the truth. Sort of.

"Really?" Kara stared at him disbelievingly.

"Really." Lee replied sternly. "And could you please concentrate on piloting this raptor? I don't want to crash into the next best ship." Although that would solve most of his problems.

"I can fly a raptor and have a conversation at the same time." Kara replied indignantly.

"Oh yeah? I remember that one training mission on Picon. You were talking nonstop over the comm. One minute you were telling me about your latest round of Triad and the next you disappear from my Dradis because you flew into that frakking satellite." Lee chuckled at the memory. He had teased her with that story for weeks.

"I didn't fly _into_ the satellite, I just striped it." Kara said defensively.

"One hell of a stripe that was. You had to eject before both your viper and the satellite exploded and then I had to cover your ass until the rescue raptor took you onboard." Lee laughed. "Man, the kind of curses you yelled through your comm. … it was hilarious."

"How nice that my near death was so amusing to you." Kara tried to sound offended, but the appearing grin on her lips betrayed her words. She could never stay angry when she saw Lee laughing. He did it far too seldom.

Lee chuckled, but before he could say anything else, the Galactica contacted them and cleared them for landing. Lee sobered up immediately. After the meeting with his father, he would have to go to the Geminon Traveler and would be face to face with the man who had been the last person to see Alicia alive. He was doing this for his daughter, but he still wasn't sure if he was really up to it.

XXXXXXX

"You wanted to see me, Admiral?" Lee asked as he stepped into his father's office. He was here for military business only, so it was appropriate to approach his father according to military regulations.

"Thank you for coming in." Adama replied and motioned Lee to take a seat. "Starbuck was here yesterday. She's recommended Major Shaw for a posthumous commendation."

Lee wasn't surprised. He had seen the impression Kendra Shaw had left on Kara during the mission. But he wasn't sure it's want the young woman had wanted. "She wasn't looking for medals."

"No, she wasn't." Adama agreed. "But I've been going through Cain's logs, and from a tactical perspective, it's hard to find a fault in anything that she did, or that Kendra did."

"They butchered innocent civilians, Dad. Come o­n. How can you ignore that?" Lee couldn't believe that his father could show even the slightest sign of understanding for what Cain had done. He didn't even notice his slip by not addressing his father with his military title.

"I know that I didn't have to face any of the situations that she did." Adama replied quietly. He looked thoughtfully at his son for a moment. "I had the President in my face, arguing for the survival of the civilian fleet. I had Colonel Tigh to keep me honest, balancing my morality and my tactics." He paused and his look at Lee intensified. "And I had you. You have a child of your own, so you understand. You see yourself reflected in your children's eyes." Again he paused for a moment. "There are some things that I thought of doing, with this Fleet. But I stopped myself, because I knew that I'd have to face you the following day."

For a moment, Lee didn't know what to say. He understood what his father was saying. With every decision he made, he always thought about how Nia would think about it one day. He had just never thought that his father felt the same way about him.

"I did things since the attacks that I'm not proud of." Lee said after taking a deep breath. "Leaving those ships behind and fleeing with the President. The Olympic Carrier. Yesterday, I nearly ordered a strike that would have killed Kara. She would have been dead and so would the rest of the team."

"You did nothing wrong, neither did I." Adama replied quietly. "We both made decisions that we had to, to accomplish our missions."

"Yeah." Lee looked at his father thoughtfully. "Cain. Kendra. Were they wrong?"

Adama had found an answer to that question a long time ago – at a time when he had doubted his own actions as well. "Well if I believed in the Gods, I'd say they'll be judged by a high power."

"But since you don't believe …" Lee smirked. He was as much an atheist as his father. That was one thing they always had in common.

"Then history will have to make its judgments. And since history's first draft will be written in our logs ..." His voice trailed off. He didn't think he needed to say anything else. He knew Lee would understand.

"_I can't stop thinking about the Olympic Carrier."_

"_That was three days ago. It's ancient history under these circumstances. Leave the second-guessing to the historians."_

His father words from what felt must have been a lifetime ago flashed through his mind. He nodded thoughtfully. "Well, I guess I've got some writing to do."

He got up from his seat and started leaving the room.

"You'll write that commendation?" Adama asked, just as Lee had reached the hatch.

Lee didn't have to think twice of his answer. "Yeah, I will."

Kendra Shaw might not have wanted that commendation, but she had saved her team's life. She had saved Kara. At the bottom of her heart she had been a good person. And that's how she deserved to be remembered.

XXXXXXX

Carefully, Kara studied Lee's features. They had just left the Geminon Traveler and Lee was even quieter than before his visit to Cavil. He hadn't been with the man for very long, so Kara didn't think that he had really poured his soul out and had talked about his grief, like he had said he would. And he seemed bothered by something, but Lee being Lee, he hadn't said anything about it. No matter how many times Kara had tried to get something out of him.

But Kara wouldn't be Kara if that would stop her. They still had about five minutes before they would reach the Pegasus and she was determined to get Lee to talk.

"So, how was that Cavil … FRAK!" She suddenly called out, her worry for Lee forgotten for the moment.

"What's wrong?" Lee asked alarmed.

"Cylons." Kara cursed.

Three Cylon Raiders had appeared out of nowhere and were starting firing immediately on any nearby ships – including their raptor.

"How the hell did they know our location?" Lee yelled. He intently watched the Dradis in front of him.

The Cylons couldn't have jumped that near to the fleet by pure luck. And the CAP was on the other side … even if Pegasus and Galactica would release the alert vipers, they wouldn't get to the Raiders in time to stop them from doing any damage.

"Hold on tight, I'll have to fly a few evasive maneuvers." Kara called over her shoulder. She cursed the fact that Raptors didn't have any weapons. She'd give everything right now to be in a Viper.

As it was, she could do nothing but run and try to get to the Pegasus before they got shot down.

"Two Raiders closing in from both sides!" Lee warned Kara, but it was too late.

The Raiders had been too close already for Kara to escape and they both started shooting at the Raptor at the same time. They hit the Raptor again and again, their shots tearing holes all over the ship. The air escaped faster than Lee was able to seal the holes. Eventually he had to give up and rushed to a small locker where the emergency space suits were in. He flung the door open – only to stare at the emptiness inside.

"Get the suit on, Apollo!" Kara yelled from behind him.

Taking a deep breath – already feeling that he couldn't take in enough air– Lee turned to Kara. "There's no one in there." He said quietly and wondered how the hell he was able to remain so calm in this situation. There was no way they would reach the Pegasus in time. He was going to suffocate in here. Again!

"What?" Stunned Kara stared at him. "What do you mean, there is no one. I checked this Raptor myself before we …." Kara chocked on her words when she saw the empty locker behind Lee.

Instead of waiting for her to finish, Lee continued to seal more holes. If he wanted to get out of this one alive, they needed to save as much oxygen as possible.

And he damn well wanted to get out of here alive!

"A little bit faster wouldn't be bad, Starbuck!" He yelled.

Already he could feel the effects of oxygen deficiency. He felt lightheaded and black dots started to dance in front of his eyes. It was getting harder to seal the holes and they swam in and out of vision. And pretty soon he wouldn't have anything left to seal them with anyway.

He had hardly finished the thought, when an explosion from the back of the Raptor threw him against the wall. His head connected with something hard and immediately his world turned black.

TBC


	39. Lay Down Your Burdens 1 Part 1

**Thank you all for your wonderful comments. A special thanks to Laurie for beta reading this chapter; as always, all mistakes are mine. **

**I wish you all a Happy New Year!!! May 2008 be a good year for all of you :o)**

* * *

Breathing heavily, Kara stared at the broken cockpit window in front of her. Instead of the endless distance of space that she was used to, she saw nothing but white. A huge, white field of snow that covered every inch of the earth surrounding their Raptor. It was better than the flaming inferno they had flown through on their way down, but Kara preferred stars and nothingness to snow and cold any day.

As it was though, they were lucky to be still alive. If that window had broken a few seconds earlier, they would have burned to death. Not something she would like to experience.

She nearly jumped out of her seat when a sudden beeping sound was heard.

"Holy Frak!" Startled she looked at the console in front of her – it was obviously dead. Then her eyes wandered down to her oxygen sensor on her flight suit. She stared at the display in disbelief – it was almost empty.

"That's not possible." She mumbled. Then she remembered the missing extra flight suit and the empty locker that should have held not only the suit, but an emergency kit, a few blankets and emergency rations as well.

They had been set up.

Cursing she removed her helmet; immediately her face was hit from the cold air from outside.

Taking another deep breath, she forced herself to calm down and stop her hands to tremble. Their descent had been one hell of a ride, but Starbuck wasn't shaken by that. So she had to appear calm. Once she was sure her voice sounded steady enough, she called for her passenger.

"Lee? You're all right?"

No answer.

Her stomach dropped and Kara flanked around in her seat and scanned the interior of the Raptor. It didn't take her long to see the unconscious figure lying on the floor.

"Lee!"

Within moments, Kara was at her friend's side and checked him for any injuries. He had a head wound that was bleeding heavily, but beside of that she couldn't find anything else. She striped off her gloves and with a shaky hand searched for a pulse. It didn't take her long to find one. It was strong and normal. Letting out a relieved sigh, Kara tried to wake him up.

"Lee? You hear me?" Gently she shook his shoulder, careful not to hurt him any further. "Lee?"

She saw movement under his still closed eyelids and a wave of relief flooded through her. He didn't seem to be hurt too much.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead." The worry in her eyes betrayed her mocking words. She held her breath until Lee finally opened his eyes.

Slowly Lee came back to consciousness. With his eyes still closed, he tried to remember what had happened. The throbbing pain in his head told him that it couldn't have been anything good. As he became more alert, he noticed that he was lying on the floor in a strange angle; not the most comfortable position he had ever found himself in.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and heard a familiar voice calling his name. It seemed to come from miles away, but a few moments later, the blood buzzing in his ears subsided and he recognized the voice.

"Kara?" His voice was barely audible, even to himself.

"About time." Kara complained. "I thought you wanted to stay asleep forever."

Lee blinked a few times and took a closer look at her. "I take it you're not hurt?"

"Damn right, I'm not. As if such a little crash would do me any harm. You on the other hand …" Kara swallowed as she took in the blood that was still pouring out of the gash on the side of Lee's head. "How's your head?"

"It's been better." Lee replied, stifling a groan. "What exactly happened?"

Ignoring his question, Kara bend his head backwards and intently inspected his eyes.

"What are you doing?" He asked annoyed.

"Your pupils are slightly dilated. I guess you have only a minor concussion, but I'd rather have Cottle check you out." Kara said quietly, not paying any attention to Lee's obvious annoyance. "

"I'm fine, thank you." Lee pushed her hand away and tried to stand up. As soon as he stood on his feet, the world started to spin and he swayed to the side. Kara grabbed his arm immediately and it was only thanks to her that he didn't fall back on the floor.

"Sure, you're fine." Kara smirked. "You need any help to get over to the co-pilots seat? It should be more comfortable there." And the leathered seat would be warmer to sit on than the cold metal floor.

She tried to guide him to the front of the raptor, but again Lee brushed her hand off.

"I can walk on my own, thank you." He muttered.

"Gods, men and their pride." Kara sighed theatrically. Secretly, she watched with worry how Lee carefully made his way to the co-pilots seat. She noticed how he slumped down immediately as soon as he sat down.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" She asked a few moments later.

"I don't think so." His back was hurting like hell, but he didn't find that worth mentioning. "You?"

"I'm fine. I was strapped to the seat and other than a few bruises from the strap I'm okay. Like I said, it needs more than a crash to …"

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Lee waved her off. His eyes went out of the window and he frowned at the sight. "Where are we?"

"Safe, for now." Kara replied evasively. She didn't look him in the eye.

"Kara? You do know where we are, right?" Lee inquired.

"Well, yes, of course. I mean, I don't know exactly where here is, but I can give you the coordinates, if you want them." Kara smiled at him shyly.

Lee closed his eyes for a moment. "What?"

"Racetrack told me that you always gave her a set of emergency coordinates whenever she piloted your father's raptor. You always had a safe place for them to jump to if need be. I only followed your example." Kara explained.

"Did you share these coordinates with anyone?" Lee asked.

"Of course, what do you think I am? Stupid?" Kara looked at him offended.

Lee only cocked an eyebrow at her in reply.

Kara frowned at him, but her anger was quickly replaced by worry when she saw him tremble. The temperature in the raptor had dropped rapidly, and if she hadn't been wearing her flight suit, she'd be shivering from the cold as well.

Helplessly she looked around the empty raptor. "There's no blanket in here either."

"Why, you tired?" Lee asked, not understanding what they needed a blanket for right now. They had just crashed for frak's sake. They needed to find a way out of here and not try to get more comfortable.

"For you, you idiot. It's ice cold in here, even with the flight suit I'm freezing. And you only have your uniform. "

Now that she mentioned it, he was feeling quite cold. "I'm fine." He muttered and automatically pulled his arms around himself to keep warm.

"Uh huh." Kara cocked an eyebrow at him. He did seem okay now, but she didn't think it would last. They had only been here for a few minutes and he already started trembling from the cold. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, she needed to get him out of the cold. The only problem was how she was going to achieve that – they were stranded in the middle of nowhere and the Raptor was damaged beyond repair.

"Have you been able to contact Galactica? Or Pegasus?" Lee added in an afterthought. He needed to get used to the fact that the first ship he had to think of from now on was the Pegasus, not the Galactica. And what wouldn't he give to be on either of those ships right now.

"No, communication is dead. As is everything else." Kara sighed. Frustrated she gave the console in front of her a hard punch. "Frakking piece of garbage!" She cursed.

"Hey, it's not the Raptor's fault we crashed." Lee said.

"You're defending a Raptor now?" Kara asked, a small smile playing on her lips.

"I'm not defending it." Lee objected. "I'm merely pointing out that hitting the Raptor won't help us."

"It helps to make me feel better." Kara replied.

"Let's try to fix it, all right?"

"It's dead. Believe me." Kara sighed. She knew enough of Raptors to know when all help was lost. Again she glanced at the console as if she was considering hitting it again.

"Have you even tried?" Lee asked annoyed and bend down to have a look at the underside of the console. One glance at the burned wiring told him enough to know she was right. "Oh …"

"Yeah, oh." Kara smirked. "Concussions always make you grumpy, Apollo. Next time, just believe me when I tell you the ship is dead. I know much more about these things than you do."

"Yeah, right." Lee shook his head and immediately regretted it. Hasty movements didn't go along very well with a concussion, whether it was a slight one or not. He kept staring at the gaping hole in front of him. What was left of the machines and wiring of the Raptor was burned. It was a miracle the whole ship hadn't exploded. Sighing he straightened up and sat back on the seat. "How did we get down here anyway?"

"Because you were lucky enough to have the best pilot in the fleet flying your ship." Kara grinned.

Lee rolled his eyes. "And the true story would be?"

"The ship only started falling apart after we were through the atmosphere. It held together long enough for us to get down without exploding in a blazing fireball the moment we hit the ground." Kara explained. She tried to keep her voice light, but the truth was that she was still shaken by their sudden descent. She had heard the explosion behind and had seen Lee lying unconscious on the floor. Every instinct in her had screamed at her to rush to his side and to see if he was still alive. But she couldn't have left the console or they definitely would have died. She had prayed to the Gods and had cursed the Cylons at the same time while they were flying through the atmosphere. She had practically felt the heat all around her then. And while she had seen the snow covered ground coming closer and closer in a too rapid speed she had been convinced that they would die.

She hated crashing on planets.

"Lucky us." Lee smirked. "So, do we have any other options than sitting around and waiting for SAR?"

"I'm afraid not." Kara sighed. She watched out at the wide plain of snow and then looked back at Lee. The trembling had gotten worse and she could swear that she heard his teeth clattering. Why the hell hadn't there been a second flight suit in the Raptor? Or an emergency kit? A blanket? Anything that was standard equipment on a Raptor?

XXXXXXX

"All Raiders are gone." Tigh reported.

"Good. Get down to Condition Two. Double the CAP just to be sure." Adama ordered. He had a hard time suppressing his anger. How the hell had the Cylons been able to come this close?

"Incoming call from the Pegasus, Sir." Gaeta reported.

Adama's heart swelled with pride as it did every time whenever he had the chance to talk to Lee since his transfer. His son was doing a damn fine job as a Commander, better even than he had anticipated. From what Kara had been telling him, he was liked and respected very much in the crew already. "Put him through." He ordered.

Adama picked up the receiver, expecting to hear Lee's voice on the other line. Instead it was Major Hoshi, the Pegasus' new XO, he was hearing.

"Admiral, has the Commander's raptor landed on your ship?" Hoshi came straight to the subject.

A cold fear took grip of his heart as Adama heard the other man's words. He clutched the receiver tightly in his hands and turned to Tigh. "Find out if a Raptor from Pegasus landed on Galactica."

A moment later Tigh had the information they needed. "Only Galactica's vipers landed here, Sir."

With a heavy heart Adama relayed the information to Hoshi. He didn't dare to ask where his son was.

"Admiral, I'm afraid then that the Commander is missing." Hoshi's hoarse voice rang through the line.

"What do you mean, he's missing? He's not on the Pegasus?" Adama hissed. It was a stupid question, he realized that. If Lee were on the Pegasus, then Hoshi wouldn't have asked for him.

"He was on his way back from the Geminon Traveler when the Cylons showed up. Captain Thrace was piloting the Raptor." Hoshi explained. "They had been under heavy attack and we lost contact before they reached Pegasus. They never made it here." He added quietly.

Adama felt his stomach drop. Lee was missing.

"Captain Thrace left me emergency coordinates in case she had to jump unexpectedly. I suggest that's where we start the search, Sir." Hoshi suggested.

Adama could hear the insecurity in the younger man's voice, yet he was grateful that he was keeping his head together at the same time. In a way, it reminded him of Lee. His son had been full of insecurity those first days as his CAG – Adama had seen it, but had been unable to do anything to help him. He simply hadn't known how. But Lee had gotten the job done as if he had never done anything else.

He wondered why Kara would have left emergency jump coordinates, but he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Whatever reason Kara had had for this precaution, Adama was thankful for it.

"Relay the coordinates to the Galactica. We'll lead the search from here. I want every parameter of that sector searched until they are found." Adama ordered. In an afterthought he added. "A Colonial Commander doesn't appear just like that."

After all, this wasn't about private reasons. It never was. He would look as hard for every other Commander as he would look for this one.

XXXXXXX

His teeth were clattering so loud, Lee was sure that every Search and Rescue party would have to hear it from far away. He was so cold, he couldn't have stopped the trembling even if he had wanted to. He wanted nothing more than return to the Pegasus and take a very long and very hot shower. And then curl up into bed and never wake up again.

"You know, if you would squeeze really tight into it, you might fit into my flight suit. I wouldn't mind the cold." Kara said. She had enough of watching Lee freezing. Even though his uniform provided a bit of warmth, it wasn't enough against the cold that found its way in from outside.

"Kara, there is n-no way that I w-would fit into your f-flight suit." Lee repeated what he had already said five times the last hour. He appreciated the offer, but it was just not possible for him to squeeze in there. And even if he could, he wouldn't take the suit from her to keep himself warm and let her freeze.

"I'm not gonna watch you freeze to death." Kara stated angrily. She swore to the Gods, if she got her hands on the person who had strapped the Raptor from everything that might have saved Lee's life, she would kill him with her bare hands.

"Good, I'm not p-planning to f-freeze to … to death." Lee replied, the clatter of his teeth making his statement more than questionable.

"At least we agree on that." Kara sighed. "So … anything you'd like to talk about while we're stuck here?" She asked a moment later. Sitting around doing nothing had never been her thing. The next time she took a Raptor, she would bring a game of cards … just in case.

"Not really." Lee said. Talking cost too much effort and he was already starting to feel tired. He was content with looking out of the cockpit window and watching the snowflakes quietly falling down on the ground. He hadn't realized how much he had missed snow. Would Nia ever have the chance to enjoy a decent snowball fight? Or sliding down a hill? Would she ever make snow angels on the ground or skate over a frozen lake?

Suddenly Lee jerked up from his seat. "FRAK!" He called out.

"What is it?" Kara asked alerted.

"The snow. It's been snowing for over half an hour now. If it doesn't stop soon, the Raptor won't be visible from above anymore." Lee explained. Frak, why hadn't he thought of that before?

"Shit." Kara cursed. "Well, I guess I'll have to do some snow shoveling then. It shouldn't be too much yet."

Sighing, Kara climbed out of the pilot seat. She didn't really look forward to go out there. It was already cold in here; she didn't even want to think about how much colder it would be outside. Well, she was about to find out.

Lee watched her leave the raptor and closed his eyes in relief. As much as he loved being with Kara, she could drive him insane sometimes. The last hour she had talked nonstop to keep him awake, and even though he was grateful for the help, he just wanted some peace and calm. He was so goddamn tired.

A moment later he forced his eyes open again. He couldn't fall asleep. He needed to stay alert long enough to get back to Pegasus. Because there was no way in hell that he would let Nia lose her last parent as well. He looked at the snow outside and tried to imagine Nia playing there, building a snowman or trying to catch the snowflakes. She would love the snow.

A few minutes later Kara came back inside, cursing out loud. "I HATE snow!"

"I always l-loved it." Lee said quietly. Lost in his own thoughts he still stared out at the wide plain around them.

Kara gave him a closer look. He had sunk down deeper in his seat and looked even paler than before. And his lips were starting to turn slightly blue.

"You need to get out of the cold." Kara said, feeling hopeless and frustrated at the same time. "Where's the damn SAR?"

Lee didn't say anything; instead he closed his eyes and let his head fall back. He was so tired.

Kara was immediately at his side and shook his shoulder. "Don't you dare fall asleep now, Lee! Don't even think about it!"

Her words and actions had the desired effect and Lee's eyes snapped open.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"If I have to use matches to keep your eyes open, I won't hesitate to use them." Kara threatened.

"We have m-matches?"

Sighing, Kara slumped down on the pilot seat. "No."

She had already checked every corner of the Raptor. Nothing that would get them out of here alive was to be found. And as the sun went down outside, it got colder and colder inside the Raptor. Even she was starting to feel the cold through her suit. And she would be lying if she said she wasn't tired as well.

"We should keep talking." Kara said after a few minute of silence. "It'll keep us awake."

"What about?" Lee hoped she wasn't interested in any serious conversation. He wasn't really feeling up to that.

"I don't know … ship gossip?" Kara smirked. "I heard that Hawkeye has a hot affair with one of the nurses from sickbay. You think you should put an end to that?"

"Why w-would I?" Lee groaned. He wasn't really interested in his pilot's love affairs either.

"It's against protocol."

"So?"

"You're the Commander. If you allow something like this to happen, the whole ship could get out of control." Kara smirked.

"I c-can't allow anything that I d-don't know about." Lee stated dryly.

"But I just told you."

"Let's j-just for-forget that you t-told me, okay?"

"What do I get if I forget that?"

"Kara!"

"Okay, okay."

They fell into silence once again for a while. When Lee remained quiet for too long, Kara was starting to fear he had fallen asleep. Just as she was about to bend over to check on him, he started talking again.

"Cavil said I should … should g-give Nia to a foster f-family."

Stunned Kara stared at him. "What?"

Lee wasn't really sure what had made him say those words. So much for not having an earnest conversation. But he couldn't stop now. Maybe talking about it would help him come to a conclusion. "He had some g-good points, you know." He said quietly.

"He had not!" Kara objected vehemently. She didn't care that she didn't know what Cavil had said. There was just no good reason for Lee to give up his daughter. "Lee, you're not seriously thinking about this, are you? Nia has just lost her mother and now you are going to abandon her too?"

"I'm not a-abandoning her. I'm t-trying to d-do what's best for her." Lee pulled his arms tighter around himself. It had gotten harder to think clearly, maybe that's what had gotten him to bring the subject up. He hadn't really planned to talk about this with anyone.

"And giving your daughter to strangers it what's best for her?" Kara asked dumbfounded. "Lee, that's the most stupid think I've ever heard you say."

"This is n-no life f-for her, Kara. I want m-more for her. She d-deserves a real childhood, not … not this." Lee couldn't look at Kara as he spoke. He felt like a bastard even thinking about this, let alone say it out loud. He did feel like he was abandoning his daughter, but wouldn't it be best for her in the long run?

Kara didn't know what to say. For a long time she stared at her friend. "What else did he say?"

"Hm?" Confused Lee looked up; Kara had stayed quiet for so long that he had gotten lost in his own thoughts. It became harder and harder for him to keep track on their conversation when there were too many long pauses. He needed to focus more harder.

"Cavil? What else did this frakhead tell you? He must have said something to you, because otherwise I don't think that you'd ever consider giving Nia up." Expectantly Kara looked at him. There had to be a good reason for Lee's sudden doubts. A reason that she would quickly be able to vitiate.

"Well?" She cocked an eyebrow at Lee when he didn't say anything.

Sighing Lee looked back outside the window. "Since when are … are you all t-talk and listen? It's not l-like you ever talk about something that b-bothers you."

Kara rolled her eyes. Lee had a point there, but that didn't mean he would have to act the same. "Fine, what do you want to know?"

Lee looked at her surprised and for a moment, Kara thought that he would wave her off. And then all of the sudden she could see the expression on his face change and she almost wished she hadn't asked.

"Okay …" Lee looked at her thoughtfully. "What h-happened on Caprica?"

Kara froze and just stared at Lee. She had vowed to never, _never_ talk about what had happened to her during that time. And she wouldn't, _couldn't_ just talk about it now, not even with Lee. Especially not with Lee.

"What … what do you mean?" She asked evasively.

Lee snorted. "I thought so." He looked away and stared outside at the snow again.

They stayed silent for a long time, both of them lost in their own thoughts. When Kara finally looked back at Lee, his eyes were half closed and he looked even paler than before. The trembling had gotten worse too. And when he finally did look at her again, his eyes looked dazed and empty. As if he had already resigned.

Damn it, she had hoped never to see that look in his eyes again. She cursed Cavil for whatever he had said to Lee that made him think he had no other choice than to give up his daughter. Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep breath and then sat up determinedly. She'll be damned if she couldn't get Lee to talk about it.

"Fine. You want to know about Caprica? Okay … here's what happened." She swallowed and waited for Lee to return her gaze.

When he finally did, she was satisfied to see his eyes filled with life once again. At least she could do that for him – get him back to focus on staying alive. She inhaled deeply and then began to talk. She didn't look at Lee though while she spoke.

"After I got shot, I woke up in a hospital. There was this man … he said he was a doctor and I believed him." She swallowed deeply. "At first anyway."

"He wasn't a doctor." Lee stated. It wasn't really a question.

"He was a Cylon." Kara responded between gritted teeth. "I already told you about the second operation, right?"

Lee nodded, but didn't say anything.

"He gave me some stupid explanation that I knew then was a lie. I killed him and left."

Lee stayed quiet this time; Kara had already told him that part and he had always known there was more to this story, but he wanted to give her the time she needed. Eventually Kara hesitantly looked up at him. He was startled by the expression in her eyes – they looked scared and almost devastated. In that moment he would have done anything if it would undo whatever had happened to Kara on that planet.

"It wasn't a hospital." Kara went on in a whispered voice. She hadn't taken her eyes from Lee; she hadn't thought it possible, but looking at him made her feel strong enough to finish this tale. "They only had women in there as prisoners. They … they used them to … Sam called it a farm."

Lee didn't need to ask what that meant; her eyes were pleading him to understand and that alone was all the explanation he needed. He had thought he couldn't hate the Cylons more than he already did, but in this moment he would have gladly wiped out their entire race if he had the chance to.

"Sue-Shawn … one of Sam's team, she was there too. She begged me to … to end it. And I did. I started a fire and then I ran." She inhaled deeply, still looking at Lee, searching his eyes for any sign that he was condemning her for leaving those women behind. She only saw understanding. "Sam and Helo were outside, fighting the Cylons. Sharon showed up and saved us all. The rest happened just as it said in my report."

Lee nodded slowly. "The second operation, what …?" He looked questioningly at Kara, unable to find the right words to finish his question.

This time Kara looked away. She didn't want to see Lee's reaction. She didn't need pity. "They took one of my ovaries." She let out a small, bitter laugh. "It's a good thing I never wanted children in the first place."

"You can still have children." Lee replied quickly. "This doesn't mean …"

"I know, Lee." Kara interrupted him. "But the chances are less good than they were before."

"Does Sam know this?" Lee asked softly.

"No." Kara replied sharply. "And he is not going to find out."

Lee nodded and didn't say anything more. It was a moot point since Sam wasn't even around to worry about having children with Kara; for all they knew he was already dead.

A shudder went through Kara; she didn't think it was because of the cold. It had hurt to get all this out in the open. Up until this moment, she had been the only human who knew the whole truth. And now she had shared it with Lee.

She had thought it would be harder, but somehow it made her feel better. It surprised her, but she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She never had had many secrets from Lee and those that she did keep from him, usually always burdened her immensely until she thought they would burrow her under them. And eventually that feeling always made her tell Lee in the end after all. She should have known better than to think she could have kept this from him forever.

"Now it's your turn." She finally said and looked at Lee expectantly.

Lee chuckled. "I d-didn't really think you'd go for it." He admitted wryly.

"You should know me better than that, Lee Adama." Kara smirked. "Now spit it out."

The smile faded from Lee's lips and a haunted look flashed through his eyes. "He just … just confirmed what I already knew." He swallowed. "Ali k-killed herself because of me."

Kara stared at Lee. "That's bullshit!" She called out angrily. "How dare he? Is he some kind of psycho? Does it get him off to hurt people like that? And you believed him? Gods, Lee, I thought you were smarter than that."

"Kara …"

The painful look in Lee's eyes was enough for Kara. "No. She didn't kill herself because of you. Her suicide had nothing to do with you. She was sick, that's all. She couldn't take it anymore. And with that I mean everything! Life in general became too much for her, this had nothing to do with you. You were always there for her, you did everything in your power …"

"Kara …" Lee tried to interrupt her, but Kara wouldn't hear any of it.

"I don't know what's wrong with that guy, Lee, or why he said those things …"

"He was h-her therapist. She b-basically told him e-everything." He cut in again.

"Says he. But how do you want to know that? You weren't there during their sessions. You have no idea what they talked about." Kara snorted. "He probably just needs someone else to put the blame on. I mean, it doesn't really make him a good therapist if his patient kills herself. And right after one of their sessions, on top of that. He's just trying to protect himself and you're the one paying the price."

"That's …"

"… the truth!" Kara finished before Lee could say anything else. "And I swear to the Gods, Lee Adama, if you give up your daughter because of what that weasel said I kill you with my own hands. And him too. And then I'll get your ass back from the afterlife and torture you for eternity because of your stupidity. Listening to a shrink, haven't I taught you better than that? You listen to yourself and no one else. You always ran good with that before. Now don't start listening to the wrong people. You're the most upstanding person I know. You're a wonderful father. And you're the best Commander I've ever served under … well, except the Old Man of course, but give yourself a few years and I'll revise that statement. You're already a better father than he is. Don't do to Nia what he did to you. You KNOW in your heart it would be wrong." Kara took a deep breath and looked at Lee expectantly. She didn't really know what else to say. If her words wouldn't convince him, she was at a loss.

"You finished?" Lee asked after several moments of silence.

"Yes."

"Okay." Lee rested his head at the back seat and looked out of the window again.

Dumbfounded Kara stared at him. "That's it? Okay? Don't you have anything else to say?"

Lee sighed and after a moment looked back at Kara. "You still h-have that p-plan to get Sam back?"

Startled, Kara shook her head at the sudden change of topic. "What? Why?"

"Do you?" Lee urged her to answer.

"Of course!"

"I never offered you my … my help with that. I'm s-sorry."

Kara didn't know what to think of that. "Why are you saying that?"

Lee swallowed. "If we g-get out of here, I'll convince the … the Old Man t-to send a rescue team back." He rested his head against at the back of the seat. His eyes fell close and he exhaled deeply.

Kara was too surprised at his words to worry about this at the moment. "You … what … why now?"

"You l-love him." Lee repeated, his eyes still closed. His words sounded slurred. "You should d-do everything in your p-power to save him."

For a long time Kara simply stared at her friend, not knowing what to make of what he had just said. Lee had never shown much of an interest in her attempts to get Roslin and Adama to send a rescue team back to the colonies. At some point, she had simply assumed he didn't care or that he had no hope at all that anyone would still be alive. This sudden change of thought confused her.

And then she noticed his closed eyes and remembered the slurred way his last words had been spoken.

"Lee?"

In a second, she was at his side, shaking his shoulder, gently at first and then more firmly. Lee didn't open his eyes.


	40. Lay Down Your Burdens 1 Part 2

**A.N. Thank you all for reading and a special thanks to those who took the time to leave a review. **

**A big thank you to Laurie for beta reading; I made a few changes after she send the chapter back to me. As always, all mistakes are mine.**

* * *

Intently, Adama stared at the Dradis, waiting for their missing raptor to miraculously show up again. His ears were focused on the incoming reports transmitted over the comm system; the words he so desperately needed to hear still hadn't been spoken.

Almost ten hours had passed since the Cylon attack. The fleet still was on full alert, but so far there had been no sign of any raiders attacking again. It was strange; the raiders hadn't been destroyed – as soon as Lee's raptor had disappeared, the raiders had jumped. They had had enough time to report the fleet's position to the whole Cylon fleet and yet, no one had attacked. What were they waiting for?

"I have the President on the line for you, Sir."

Dee's voice pulled Adama out of his thoughts. He forced his eyes away from the Dradis and his ears to focus on what was said through the receiver he now held instead on the incoming reports from the comm.

"Is there any news, Admiral?" Roslin's voice reached his ear, full of sympathy and worry. But for all her sympathy, Adama knew that the time of Roslin's patience would run out soon. She wouldn't wait much longer before she'd start to urge him to move the fleet.

"The coordinates Captain Thrace has left with Major Hoshi lead to a small star system with only one habitable planet. We are searching every inch of it, but the weather conditions are disturbing the sensors. If they are in an area with heavy snowfall, it is possible that their raptor is already covered by snow and therefore not easy to discover from the air. But I am positive that we will find them soon." Adama told her what he had already explained the last time she had called. There was no other news to report.

"We all pray for a positive end of this, Admiral." She paused for a moment, long enough for Adama to know what her next words would be. "It has been ten hours. The Cylons can return any moment. We need to move the fleet to safety."

"Ten hours might seem long to you, Madam President, but in military measures …"

"We went through this before, Bill." Roslin interrupted him. "But it's different this time. The raiders escaped and they can return with a much bigger force anytime. I understand your reasons to stay, everyone does. Believe me, I would feel so much better if the Commander were back on the Pegasus ..."

"He will return to the Pegasus." Adama didn't bother to wait for a reply. He ended the call and returned his focus back on Dradis. He knew where listening to Roslin would lead to. She was right; they had been in this situation before. And he had let her convince him to leave then. It wouldn't happen again.

"She is right, you know that." Saul Tigh whispered quietly into his ear.

Sighing Adama looked at his long-time friend. "We had had this conversation before. I didn't leave then, what makes you think I change my mind now?"

"You did change your mind then." Tigh pointed out. "You ordered us to jump in the end. What's different now?"

"Back then it was Kara. Now it is Lee." Adama replied steadfastly. For him, that closed the matter.

Tigh thought differently though. "You think Lee would want you to keep the fleet here? When the Cylons know our position? His daughter is on one of those ships; I think he would want her to be safe."

"I already ordered the Pegasus to jump at the first sign of a Cylon attack. They will guard the fleet at the new coordinates. Nia will be safe." Adama argued. He had thought this through a hundred times since Lee had gone missing. He wasn't going to leave him behind.

"You're risking the last of humanity for one man, Bill. Lee wouldn't have wanted this." Tigh said quietly, but resolutely.

"He is not dead yet." Adama glared angrily at his XO. After a moment he sighed heavily and shook his head. "Something isn't adding up here, Saul. The Cylons know our position and yet they haven't attacked. Why? The raiders went straight for Lee's raptor. As soon as they jumped, the raiders disappeared too. Why? It's like they were targeting for Lee, or Kara, maybe both of them, who knows? It's like they're playing games with us. They want us to be scared and to run away. I won't run. I don't think the Cylons will return; for all they know, Lee and Kara are dead. We're safe for now and we will be until we find this raptor."

"I hope you're right." Saul replied thoughtfully. He had seldom seen his friend to make mistakes. He could only hope that this wasn't one of those times.

"Incoming report from Raptor 283." Dualla suddenly called out loudly. "They found them!"

XXXXXXX

He was cold. He could feel hot air everywhere around him and yet he couldn't stop trembling. He felt a familiar presence near him; he tried to remember who he had been with last. His whole memory was kind of fuzzy and confusing, but he remembered a voice calling his name in the dark. Over and over again. He remembered that he had tried to answer, but his lips wouldn't move. And then everything had been quiet.

"Kara?" He croaked. His throat hurt from saying just this one word. He moved his hand up to his neck just to make sure it was still there and unharmed. He couldn't really recall in what kind of situation he had been last. Had he been safe? In danger? Surrounded by Cylons? Or facing an angry Kara?

"You thirsty?" A gruff voice asked.

Lee forced his eyes open and blinked at the fuzzy figure that was looming over him. A very familiar looking figure. "Dad?"

"It's good to see you awake." Adama smiled at his son. "Here, drink that."

Gently, Adama helped his son lift his head and held a glass of water to his mouth.

"Thanks, I got it." Lee took the glass from his father with shaking hands; he felt uncomfortable by the unfamiliar closeness, and at the same time he was grateful to find his father at his side. He truly hoped that Nia wouldn't have such screwed feelings towards him one day too.

He greedily drank the water, it was warm and that was exactly what he needed. He felt better when he felt the warmth run down his throat and slowly he remembered again what had happened.

"How do you feel?" Adama asked once Lee had emptied the glass.

"Cold. And tired. But besides that, good." Lee smirked. He sat up on his own and looked around his surroundings. "I'm on Pegasus?"

"Yes. This is your ship, it's only right that you should be here. And it was a Pegasus raptor who found you and they wouldn't hear anything of bringing you to Galactica." A proud smile played on Adama's lips. "Your crew wanted you back on their ship."

Lee blushed, but he couldn't help but return the smile. "Where's Kara?"

"Taking a long, hot shower. Her flight suit protected her from most of the cold." Adama gritted his teeth. "She told me there was no extra suit on the raptor."

"No, there wasn't." Lee replied gloomy, remembering the feeling of dread when he had found the locker empty.

"We'll find out who's responsible for that." Adama said, hardly restrained anger dripping from his voice.

"Like you said, Dad, it's my ship. I'll deal with that." Lee said quietly.

Adama looked at Lee in surprise, but didn't say anything else. If he hadn't nearly lost his son, he would chuckle at his words. He remembered a time when he had said almost the same to Galactica's former Commander. Newly promoted Admiral Hagen had had a hard time giving up his ship, especially as his replacement had already served under him as a 16 year old nugget who had believed the world belonged to him. It had taken some effort to convince the old man that he knew how to do his job.

"What are you smiling about?" Lee asked.

"I'm just thinking of an old memory." Adama replied. He hadn't even noticed he had been smiling.

"I see." Lee cleared his throat. "Well, I should get out of here. I want to see after Nia and then ..."

"The Doc hasn't cleared you yet, son." Adama put a restraining hand on Lee's shoulder.

"Dad, I don't have the time to just lie around and ..."

"Why don't I share this memory with you. I'm sure when I'm done Doctor Shaw will have arrived to release you."

Lee hesitated a moment. He really wanted to see Nia; but it didn't happen every day that his father shared a part of the past with him. He cleared his throat and tried to look annoyed by the offer. He didn't want to appear too happy about the fact that he could stay under the blanket for a while longer and share some quality time with his Dad. "Yeah, okay."

"Okay. You know, on my first day as Galactica's Commander ..."

XXXXXXX

"Daddy!"

With a start, Lee woke up. Confused he blinked and tried to get the sleep out of his eyes. Damn, he had fallen asleep. He looked at the side of his bed; his father was gone. What a shame; it had been a really good story the Old Man had shared with him. He wondered if he would ever find out how it ended.

A cough from the other side reminded Lee of what had woken him up. He turned around and saw his newly appointed XO, holding his daughter on his arms.

"Commander, this little girl has impatiently waited to see you. The Admiral said it was all right to bring her here." Hoshi said quietly. Hesitantly, he took a few more steps towards the bed.

"Of course, thank you, Major." Lee smiled gratefully at his XO and then took his daughter in his own arms.

"Hey pumpkin." Smiling, Lee looked at his daughter. "Did you miss me?"

"Every second, Daddy." Nia scrunched her nose and looked at her father. "You sound funny."

"I have a sore throat, that's all." Lee assured her. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and gently rubbed his hand through her hair. Gods, he had missed her. For a short while he had been afraid never to see her again.

"You hurt, Daddy?" Nia looked at him with wide, scared eyes.

"No, sweetie, I'm perfectly fine. I had Auntie Kara to look after me. You know her, she'd never let anything bad happen to me." Lee replied smiling.

"Only when you call her Auntie." Nia laughed.

"Yes, that's why we have to keep it a secret." Lee reminded her. He pulled her up on his lap and looked at her earnestly. "So, have you been a good girl while I was away?"

Instead of giving him an answer, Nia suddenly looked at him accusingly. "You were gone, Daddy."

"I know, I …" Lee paused and searched for the right words.

"Your Dad was busy saving the world once again." Hoshi cut in smiling. "Remember the story I told you about your Dad flying into that tunnel and destroying the Cylon base just by himself? Of course I wasn't there that day." Hoshi paused a moment and looked hesitantly at his Commander, not sure if he should continue.

Lee looked more surprised than anything, so the young man took that as a sign to continue.

"Your grandfather's pilots tell this story whenever they get a change to. Believe me, your father had been the hero of the day." Hoshi winked at Nia. "Just like today. Your Dad just has to get out sometimes to have some fun."

"I had fun." Nia pointed out, already beaming with joy again.

"Really? And what did you do while I _was out having fun_?" Lee asked.

Nia looked thoughtfully for a moment, then she tugged at Hoshi's arm. "You tell."

"Well, Sir, after Mrs. Musann …"

"Mathilda." Nia cut in, looking accusingly at the XO.

"Of course, Mathilda." Hoshi smiled. "Well, she was called away to her old ship. One of her friends had had an accident and …" He cleared his throat. "She wanted to say her good byes."

"I understand." Lee said sadly. This day hadn't been good for a lot of people.

"Anyway, the people off shift who weren't involved in the direct sea … mission, I meant to say, Sir, showed our junior XO here the ship; of course she already knew CIC, but we gave her a round of the machine room, the flight deck, pilot's quarters …"

"I want a pilot rack, Daddy." Nia cut in again.

"Oh, do you?" Lee laughed. He was amazed by what Hoshi had just told him. That so many people of Pegasus' crew would take care of his daughter was something he hadn't dared to think of even in his dreams.

"She liked hiding in the upper beds of the pilot quarter's, Sir." Hoshi explained. "Chief Laird offered to, uhm, well, with so many beds empty, he offered to build up one of the racks in your daughter's room. If that's all right with you, Sir." Hoshi looked visibly uncomfortable now. If his commander didn't like this idea, he was sure the next few weeks would be hard on him.

"Well, I don't know what to say …" Lee stammered.

"I sleep in my own bed then, Daddy." Nia said loudly. She looked at her father expectantly, waiting for him to approve.

As if he really had the choice to say no to that. "I will have to thank the Chief for offering to do this." Lee cleared his throat. "It seems that my daughter is well taken care of on this ship."

"Indeed, Sir. If I may say so, Sir, it helps having someone around to remind us what we are fighting for." Hoshi swallowed and for a moment, Lee thought he saw tears glistening in the other man's eyes.

"Well, if you excuse me now." Hoshi continued a moment later. "I just wanted to make sure that, after making me your XO pretty much against my will …" He grinned to take the edge of his words. "… that you didn't make me the Commander of this ship as well. I'm glad to have you back, Sir."

"I'm glad to be back, Major." Lee smiled. Happily he looked at his daughter. He remembered his conversation with Cavil about giving her to a foster family. It seems he had already found such a family for his daughter. "You ready to go home, Nia?"

XXXXXXX

"How is Mathilda doing?" Adama asked concerned. He had heard about the accident on the Rising Star; a lift had crashed down three levels, killing two people, one of them Mathilda's friend from her stay on the ship.

"Good, considering. She doesn't like talking about it." Lee smiled sadly. "She's a tough woman."

"She sure is. You can thank me later for finding her." Adama winked.

"Later then." Lee chuckled. A moment later he cleared his throat and looked more earnestly at his father again. "Dad, there is something else I need to talk to you."

"What is it?" Adama asked, alarmed by his son's suddenly earnest expression.

"Do you remember Kara's plan to rescue the survivors on Caprica? The people who saved her?" Lee added, knowing only too well what that rescue had meant to his father.

"Yes." The older man looked suspiciously at his son.

"I've looked over the plan again, made some changes. We can repay our debt and save them." Lee said quietly, but in a steady voice.

"Our debt?" Adama cocked an eyebrow at his son.

"It is our duty as officers in the colonial fleet to save as many civilians as we can. We know they are still alive, we know their approximate whereabouts … how can we not go back?"

"We already saved as many civilians as possible, Commander." Adama replied sternly. "And we don't know if they're still alive; our last contact was over six months ago. They could all be dead know."

"They could also still be alive, Admiral." Lee responded in a heartbeat.

Sighing, Adama looked at Lee. His son's way to see the world would some day kill him. But he thought that without it, he would probably already be dead. "This is no yes, but … tell me more."

XXXXXXX

Sternly, Kara looked at the pilots sitting in front of her in the briefing room. Two weeks had passed since Lee had told her about the Old Man's approval of their rescue plan. And now it would finally come true. They would return to Caprica and save the Resistance fighters. They would save Sam.

"No one should be under any illusions about what we're going to face here." She started her well prepared speech. She had gone through the details a hundred times with and without Lee and she wanted to have everyone's full attention on the matter. They only had this one chance; they couldn't afford to fail. "Our final jump will take us intra-atmosphere less than two clicks above the surface." She went on explaining the plan. "We're also expecting to take heavy fire. Simulations indicate losses of up to 20 can be expected. That's why this mission has been designated as 2-alpha by the command authority. It's volunteer only. You want out, now's the time."

Kara looked expectantly at her pilots. No one moved.

From the shadows Lee watched as Kara held the briefing. He was impressed by her words, yet not too surprised. Kara had always known how to inspire the people. He listened to Gaeta who explained the navigational system that they had built to scale after the original from a Cylon Raider. And he watched the pilots' reactions when Sharon was led in the room.

Shivers went down his spine as always when he saw the Cylon model who had shot his father. He knew it hadn't really been her, but she looked every inch like the young woman Lee had trusted and who under his eyes had tried to kill his father.

Sharon would help them with the navigational system and even though her help was irreparable to the positive outcome of this mission, her participation was the one part of this plan Lee still had mixed feelings about. But Kara trusted her and so did his father … and he didn't have it in him to mistrust both of their judgment.

"This is our mission." Kara's words reached his ear. "It's our duty to the people we left behind. And if we need to use a Cylon to get them back, then so be it. This is about trying to get as many survivors off Caprica as we can. Even so, it's still 2-alpha. Anyone want to eject?"

Again, no one moved, though Lee saw some doubtful expressions flash across the pilots' faces. This was his cue. He left his place at the entrance and stepped up to the podium

where Kara was already waiting for him.

"Commander on deck!" Helo announced.

Everyone stood to attention and Lee returned their salutes quickly and motioned them to sit down again. "Don't worry." He smiled. "I won't be long. I want to hear it too." He took a deep breath before he continued. This was his ship and partly his plan as well … he wasn't just going to send his pilots out there without addressing them first. He had learned that much from his father. "No one has ever attempted a rescue mission from this distance, much less behind enemy lines. You'll be making history just by making the attempt. But bring these people back from Caprica ... and you'll be making part of the future." He paused a moment and let the words sink in. He saw the doubt his pilots were feeling being replaced with pride. He had always wondered how his father did this. Now he knew. "Questions?"

"If you guys find earth before we get back, will you save us a few seats?" Racetrack asked, a smile playing around her lips. A few of the younger nuggets looked at her in awe for speaking this way to their Commander.

Lee only smiled. He had flown with Racetrack from the beginning of the war and he was glad to still see in her his fellow pilot. "Earth?" He prepared a fitting comeback line. "Hell, if we find any rock with food and water, I'll build you guys a bar."

A few chuckles from the Galactica pilots were heard. Lee hadn't had much contact with them since he took command of the Pegasus and he was relieved to see they still were his friends, despite the difference in rank.

He glanced over to Kara who looked at him with beaming eyes. There was an expression in her eyes that he couldn't read. He smiled at her encouragingly and she returned the gesture with one of her typical Starbuck grins. It encouraged him to believe in the success of this mission even more. If anyone could pull a stunt like this, it was Kara. She had returned from Caprica once before; Lee was certain she would return again. He had to believe that.

XXXXXXX

Quietly, Kara sat next to Lee in his quarters and drinking her last cup of coffee before leaving for Caprica. The last half hour they had talked about every subject they could think of; neither of them was willing to say good bye just yet.

"Have you heard that Cavil is counseling Tyrol now?" Kara asked, once she had emptied her cup.

"Yes, I have." Lee replied quietly. He hadn't talked with Kara again about his thoughts of giving Nia away. He just knew somehow that Kara had understood that he had made up his mind, that he would keep Nia, simply by the fact that she was still with him. He didn't want to bring the subject up ever again.

""What do you think about it?" Kara wanted to know.

Lee didn't look at her when he replied. "Tyrol nearly beat Cally to death without reason. If anyone needs a therapy today, I'd say it's him."

"Have you talked to him?" She asked.

"Not yet." Lee sighed. "I wanted to go over, but there was just so much to do …"

"Yeah, same here." Kara admitted.

They were both friends of Tyrol, but his sudden violence to one of his deckhands had shocked them both to the core. It just wasn't like him and neither of them was ready yet to face him. Maybe tomorrow … that's what both of them kept telling themselves since it happened.

It occurred to Kara that maybe for her there wouldn't be a tomorrow. In less than one hour she would leave for Caprica and despite her outer optimism, she did have her doubts if she would return. But this was for Sam. He had saved her life; he had _loved_ her. And she wasn't willing to give up that love without a fight.

"It's a good plan." Lee suddenly said out of nowhere and Kara realized that her time to leave had come. They had both tried to postpone their good byes, but there wasn't any time left now.

"It's a good plan." Lee repeated. "Sharon should be able to jump you into the atmosphere a couple of clicks above the surface. Down below the Cylon dradis."

"I know the plan, Lee. I wrote it." Kara said softly. She tried to give him her typical Starbuck grin, but failed badly. She blinked when she felt tears brimming in her eyes. Gods, she wasn't going to cry now, was she? It wasn't like she was never going to see him again. She hadn't cried when she had left Sam behind, so she surely wasn't going to do so now. But while her mind kept telling her to go, her heart was screaming to stay. She didn't want to leave Lee. "I … I gotta go."

Lee swallowed. Gods, he didn't want her to go. "I hope you find him, Kara. I really do."

"So do I." She really did. So why did this feel wrong?

"Good hunting." Lee pressed out in a hoarse voice.

If Kara didn't know him any better, she'd say he was fighting with the tears just like she was.

"Thank you, Sir." Kara put up her mask and finally was able to give Lee her typical, over confident grin. "Try not to destroy the ship while I'm gone."

"I'll do my best." Lee smiled, but it faded quickly. "If you promise to come back."

"I always come back, Lee." Kara smirked. "You won't get rid of me this easily."

With that she stood up and walked towards the hatch. "See you around, Apollo."

"Take care, Starbuck."

The hatch closed and it took all of Lee's willpower to not run after her and hold her back.

TBC


	41. Lay Down Your Burdens 2

**Thank you all for your wonderful comments on the last chapter. And thanks again to Laurie for taking her time and beta'ing this chapter.**

* * *

She was back on Caprica. 

As Kara looked around herself, images of her last visit to her home planet flashed through her mind. Her fight with the human Cylon. Sam and the others. Sue-Shawn. Sharon. The farm.

It all felt like one huge nightmare now that she was back. On her way here she had wished Lee would be by her side. Now she was glad he wasn't. He didn't need to see what had happened to their home world.

Kara took a deep breath and inhaled the fresh air of the forest around her.

No, not fresh air, she reminded herself. Radioactive contaminated air – the planet was dying and every man and woman still living here with it.

They had lost two raptors on the way here - Racetrack and Skulls had disappeared right after their first jump, they didn't know what had happened to them. Tough Guy and Carousel, well they knew what had happened to them, even though Kara whished she wouldn't – they had jumped into the middle of a mountain. It was something that shouldn't happen and yet, every now and then, you heard rumors about it. Today was the first time she learned that those rumors were true.

All the other Raptors had made it safely here and they should have enough room for all survivors. Now they only needed to find them.

"Okay, let's go!" She shouted. "We have a lot of ground to cover."

XXXXXXX

"A habitable planet?" Lee stared at his father. "Are you sure?"

"Atmosphere is nitrogen/oxygen. There is lots of water. It's worth checking out." Adama replied smiling. This was the first good news in a long while. "The nebula is protecting it from detection; it was pure luck that Racetrack stumbled over it. We can finally restock our supplies again."

"This planet could also be a new home." Lee said thoughtfully. "If it really is habitable, then …"

"A new home?" Adama raised an eyebrow. "Have you forgotten about earth?"

Sighing, Lee looked at his father. "I haven't forgotten. But … why look for a lost planet, when we could settle down right here?"

"And the Cylons?"

"They could attack us on earth as well as here. Like you said, the nebula is protecting the planet from being found too easily. This could be the answer to our prayers." Lee replied.

"I thought you didn't believe in the gods?" Adama sighed. He knew that Lee was right. Even though they had a vague idea now in what direction they had to look for to find earth, no one could say how long it would take them to get there. Or how many more would die on the way. "Roslin wants us to inspect the planet and look for resources we could use. I have already ordered Stinger to send down two teams; you think you can dispense two more as well?"

"Of course." Lee looked thoughtfully at his father. "So the President doesn't consider this to be the end of our flight?"

"This is no flight, Lee." Adama replied angrily.

The younger Adama snorted sarcastically. "We've done nothing but run away since the destruction of the colonies. This is a flight, whether you want to admit it or not."

"We are fighting. This is a war and …" Adama stopped in mid-sentence and exhaled deeply. He hated to admit it, but Lee was right. They were on the run. They have had a few victories in between – the destruction of the Cylon base when they so desperately had needed the tylium, the destruction of the Resurrection Ship, even the destruction of Scar was looked at as a victory, simply because they needed to know that they could still win. But it didn't change the fact that they were fleeing from the Cylons.

He was tired of running away. And so was every one else. Maybe this really was the answer to all their prayers. But he had this gut feeling that they shouldn't stay. And so far his feeling had never betrayed him. Well, almost never.

"Pegasus will be in charge of the exploration of this planet." Adama knew that his son was worried about their crew members that had left for Caprica. Lee was worried about Kara just like Adama was, but he thought that with all that had happened, his son would need this new mission to keep his mind busy more than Adama did.

"Okay." Lee nodded, more grateful than his father would ever know.

"The President doesn't think that this is the end of our … our_search_." Adama stated quietly after a moment of silence.

Lee laughed quietly. His father had never been good in admitting defeat, no matter how obvious. "I know." And he did. He had been through enough with Roslin to know that she would never stop looking for earth.

"How is Nia doing?" Adama changed the subject. He hardly ever got to see his son now that they were on different ships and he wanted to have at least one family moment, no matter how short.

"She's doing fine. She's finally okay with letting me out of her sight, which makes things easier. And she's already wrapping everyone around her finger, just like she did on the Galactica. If I don't learn to say no to her soon, I'm going to be in a lot of trouble once she gets older." Lee laughed.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to help you with that. Unless you want my advice about the best ways to send someone to the brig." Adama grinned.

"I might come back to you on that." Lee laughed.

XXXXXXX

Kara looked around herself and recognized the area. She had been here before. Helo had reported that they were near the resistance base. They were so close …

"Movement. 11:00." Sharon suddenly announced.

Everyone got down and took cover immediately. Intently Kara searched their surroundings with her eyes. It took her a moment, but eventually she saw it too. Frak, the Cylons had good eyes.

"What do you think?" Helo whispered.

"I'm not sure …" Kara kept staring at the trees, behind which they had spotted the movement. And then she knew. "It's them."

"Anders and his team?" Helo asked.

"Yes." Kara nodded. It was them. It was him. She had found Sam.

"You sure?"

"Yes." It took all her military training – and Helo's restraining hand on her arm – to not jump up and run towards the trees where Sam was waiting for her. After all this time … she hadn't dared to hope, but now she knew that he was still alive.

"You better be right, Starbuck." Helo whispered. Then he raised his voice. "You got a Samuel T. Anders there?"

There was a moment of silence before they got the answer they had been hoping for.

"Is there a Kara Thrace there?" A familiar voice came out of the woods.

"If there is, you tell her she took her good, sweet time getting here." Another voice joined in.

A moment later several men and women stepped out of the woods, including Samuel T. Anders. Kara didn't wait any longer. She jumped up from her hiding place and ran towards Sam who immediately took her into his arms and held her closely. He bent down to her and pressed his lips on hers.

It was exactly what Kara had been waiting for for so long. She had imagined it in her waking hours, she had dreamed about it and now that it had come real … it felt all wrong.

Her heart wasn't beating so loud that she was afraid everyone around her would have to hear it. She didn't feel like drowning in this kiss and her senses were still sharp, not swimming like they had when Lee had kissed her.

Lee.

"What took you so long?" Sam asked quietly once he had pulled away from her.

Kara opened her eyes and saw his face still close to hers.

Sam's face, not Lee's.

She swallowed down the lump in her throat and concentrated on replying to Sam. "We have marines in raptors. We're gonna get you and your people out of here, okay?"

"As good as your word, huh?" Sam smiled at her.

He had such a sweet, wonderful smile, but … but it wasn't Lee's smile. Frak, why did she keep thinking of Lee in this moment?!

"Yeah, good as my frakkin' word." She forced herself to smile back at Sam. "What, did you think I was going to leave you here? Now you feel like a big frakkin' idiot, don't you?" She smirked.

"All right, just shut up and save us already, okay?" His smile increased and he bent down again to kiss her.

"People, this is nice, but we have toasters on our ass."

Hilliard's words saved Kara from the embarrassment of having to pull back from Sam.

"Where are the rest of your people?" She asked Sam after she took in the people accompanying him for the first time.

The smile – the wonderful, sweet smile that all of a sudden meant nothing to her anymore – vanished and a look of pain flashed across his face. "This is it." He replied quietly. "Toasters hit our base camp this morning. I lost half my crew."

Kara closed her eyes for a moment as a wave of guilt washed over her. One day … they had been late one _frakking_day.

"Incoming!" Sharon suddenly yelled and everyone jumped to the ground to seek cover.

"Back to the raptors!" Kara yelled.

But it was already too late. The Cylons had cut off their way to the raptors. They were trapped.

XXXXXXX

Twenty hours later the rescue team and the remaining resistance members sat huddled together behind the remains of a burned out building up on a hill. The Cylons had stopped their attack hours ago and since then they hadn't heard a single sound in the woods around them.

"Eighteen hours." Anders mumbled. "They're taking their good sweet time out there. They could've overrun us at any point during the night."

He and Kara sat next to each other, their backs resting against the cold wall.

"They're up to something." Kara replied thoughtfully. Since the attack had stopped she felt on the edge, waiting for the Cylons to appear out of nowhere and throw them a curve.

"What are we up to? Got any brilliant ideas in that military brain of yours?" Sam asked.

Kara thought that if Lee were here they would have spend the last few hours trying to come up with one insane plan after the next until they had decided on something that would get them out of here alive.

But Lee wasn't here. And it was all up to her.

"We do the same thing we always do. Fight them until we can't." She replied determinedly.

Four hours later there still was no sign of the Cylons returning and Kara was starting to hope that maybe they really had given up. It wasn't really likely, but what other explanation was there?

"What do you think?" Helo asked her.

Kara shook her head and thought about their situation for a moment. They had to do something; they couldn't stay here forever. "Let's get a recon crew together. Scout the area. Figure out what's going on out there."

Kara chose a few of her people to accompany her.

"Let me go with you." Anders objected to the fact that Kara hadn't chosen any of his men – including himself.

"Let the professionals do the job this time, Sam. We're here to rescue you, remember? I'm not going to lose you again in the last moment." Kara replied, knowing very well that her response wasn't really fair.

"I know the area better than any of you." Sam insisted.

"You're staying." Kara turned away from him without waiting for him to respond. "Let's go."

They searched the perimeter, but didn't find a single sign of the Cylons and after an hour they returned to the others.

Sam still looked angry, but also relieved that she was back and she gave him a warm smile when she walked up to him.

"They're gone." She announced, loud enough for everyone else to hear her. "They just left."

"Thank the gods! It's a miracle." One of Anders' men called out loudly. "Let us pray."

Kara stared at the man frowning. She had seen him before, but she couldn't place him in any of her memories from her time on Caprica with the resistance. Where had she seen him before?

"That's Preacher." Sam chuckled quietly when he caught Kara staring at the older man. "The world's full of miracles, if you ask him."

"What's his name?" Kara asked thoughtfully.

"Cavil."

Kara's head jerked towards Sam and she stared at him in horror. "What?"

XXXXXX

Lee was standing next to his father when the Raptor appeared on the hangar deck. The seconds until the hatch opened and the first people started stepping on the deck felt like an eternity.

He knew that Kara was with them, that she had made it back. Again. His father had told him about their short conversation over the wireless.

Kara was alive.

He knew that and yet he couldn't wait to see her with his own eyes. His heart was beating so loud, he was afraid that the whole deck had to hear it. He clasped his hands tightly behind his back to stop them from trembling. Why was he so nervous about this? Kara had only been gone a week. Before the attacks he hadn't seen her for two years and he hadn't been half as nervous about their meeting than he was now.

Kara's head poked out of the raptor's open entrance and she greeted her fellow pilots with a cocky grin. She jumped down on the flight deck and when she saw the Admiral, Lee and Tigh standing a few feet away, she quickly walked up to them.

"Am I good or what?" She said loudly and with a cocky grin that usually was reserved to drive her former XO crazy.

"There's gonna be no living with her now." Tigh sighed.

"It's good to see you." Adama smiled at her, his stony face hiding every emotion he might feel. "Welcome back."

"Thank you, Sir." Then Kara turned towards Lee. "Miss me?" She asked with a raised eyebrow and a smile that made Lee feel all warm inside.

"A few seconds in between maybe. I'm a busy man." Lee replied with a grin. Gods, it was good to have her back.

"Just a few, huh?"

Lee just shrugged and then stepped forward to gave Kara the welcome hug they both had been yearning for. "Welcome back." He whispered into her ear.

After a moment they pulled back from each other, but not before Kara whispered back to him, "No kiss this time?"

Lee blushed at her remark and chose not to respond. "So, have you found what you've been looking for?" He asked after he had cleared his throat.

The teasing expression on Kara's face vanished and it was replaced by something warm that Lee seldom saw when it came to her.

"Yes, I have." She said quietly. She had to clear her throat too before she turned back to the Admiral. "I brought some friends with me."

"So I see." Adama replied smiling. He had already looked intently at the new faces that had appeared on the deck. One of the men from the newly arrived group had stepped towards them and was now standing right next to Kara, his arm lying casually on her shoulder now.

Lee couldn't help but stare at this outward expression of closeness between the two.

"Right. Right. Um... " Kara turned a bit to the side, far enough to make the man pull his arm away. "This is Samuel T. Anders." She introduced him.

"I know who he is." Adama replied, holding out his hand.

"Damn good to meet you, Sir." Anders took the offered hand and looked gladly at the Admiral, the relief of being here, in relatively safety, clearly visible in his eyes.

"Caprica Buccaneers." Adama smiled; he had been a Pyramid fan since even before the first war and of course he would recognize the famous team leader of the Caprican Buccaneers everywhere, even though his heart lay somewhere else.

"That's right." Anders replied proudly.

"Hell of a player. I'm a Picon Panther fan myself." The older Adama stated.

"We enjoyed beating them too." Anders laughed.

Adama found that he liked the young man and he could see that he had true feelings for Kara; his surrogate daughter deserved to be happy with another man. "It's good to have you aboard." He said earnestly.

"Thank you." Anders replied.

During the whole conversation, Lee and Kara had locked eyes with each other, sharing a smile every now and then. They had both missed each other more than they had thought.

Eventually Kara pulled away from Lee's blue eyes and once more looked at the Admiral. "I have news. Good news, actually. The Cylon occupation is over. They left. They're gone."

"What are you talking about?" Adama and Lee asked in unison.

Kara quickly filled them in about what had happened to them on Caprica. "We flew over the planets several times and there was no sign of the Cylons left. They're gone." She ended after a few minutes.

"You mean the war is over?" Tigh asked carefully. This sounded too good to be true.

"All I know is that the Cylons have left the Colonies. And they let us go, just like that." Kara paused a moment before she continued. There was one more piece of news she had to share. "There is something else."

"Bad or good?" Adama asked dryly.

"I'm not sure." Hesitantly, Kara looked at Lee. "We have a prisoner."

"Who?" Lee asked before his father had a chance to reply.

Kara locked eyes with the younger Adama and for a moment it seemed to be just them on the flight deck. And Kara felt the urge to just cross the small distance between them and enclose him in a tight embrace and never let go of him again. Or if she had to let go, then maybe they could just leave. Jump in their vipers and leave all this mess behind them. The war that may or may not be over. Anders. Alicia. Lee's guilt. Her guilt. The responsibilities that sometimes threatened to drown her.

She didn't want to tell him about Cavil, didn't want to destroy this moment between them and tear up wounds that had slowly started healing. Or at least she hoped they had.

But she didn't have a choice. She cast her eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply before she looked up again.

"What kind of prisoner?" Adama urged her to go on.

Kara's eyes shifted to the Admiral. "A Cylon kind of prisoner."

She felt the change in everyone the moment the words had left her mouth.

"Anyone we know?" Adama asked in a quiet voice.

Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Kara looked at Lee again. She needed to see the moment he learned the truth. "Yes. It's Cavil."

The first emotion Kara saw in Lee's eyes was confusion as he tried to comprehend what she was saying. It was only there for a millisecond though. Lee had always been too quick to add two and two together. She saw the moment the realization hit him. All color drained from his face and the confusion was replaced with anger, hurt, pain … so much pain that Kara thought she could feel it radiating from him.

"Where is he?" Adama asked through gritted teeth.

Lee stayed quiet.

Kara looked back at the Admiral and saw that he looked almost as pale as his son. Almost, but not quite because he had always been better in hiding shock than Lee.

"In the Raptor."

"Marines!" Tigh belled immediately. "Take that thing and get it to the brig!"

Kara hardly noticed how the Marines surrounded the Raptor and brought out the Cylon. She didn't see him escorted over the flight deck, through the crowd of people who looked at him with disgust and hate. She didn't see the utter shock on Tyrol's face as he realized that the man he too had confided in was the enemy.

All she saw was Lee who had turned into a frozen statue, his only movements coming from his eyes as they followed Cavil through the deck.

XXXXXXX

Only reluctantly had Kara let Lee out of her sight. He had gone with Adama and Tigh to discuss their further steps while she had started showing the last refugees from Caprica their new quarters.

"It's not much." She looked apologizing at Anders." But this room has been empty for quite some time so most of you can stay together until we find places for you on the other ships."

"Other ships?" Anders looked up at her in surprise. "I thought we could stay here."

"Well, if you want to join the military …" Kara's voice trailed off and she looked uncomfortable at Anders.

"Of course I want to join the military, what did you think? That I would sit on my lazy ass and let you have all the fun?" He grinned.

A small laugh escaped her lips. "I thought you might have enough of fighting."

"I have. But I'm not gonna give up as long as these things still post a threat to us. You know …" His grin turned into a seductive smile as he pulled Kara closer to himself. "Fighting isn't the only thing I can't get enough of."

He bent his head down to kiss her, but Kara pulled away in the last moment.

"Anders …"

"What's wrong?"

Swallowing, Kara stepped away from him. "I … this … us … I'm sorry."

Comprehension became visible in Anders' eyes. "Yeah, I should have known a woman like you doesn't like to wait."

"It's not like that, there was no one … I mean …"

"It's him, right? This guy on the flight deck … Adama's son." Anders said, his voice sounding slightly bitter. "I already thought back on Caprica that there was someone you had feelings for. I had just assumed he was dead."

"It's … it's complicated, Sam. Lee and I, we … I mean, there isn't … he just lost his wife. He … I … we're just friends." Kara tried to assure him – and herself. She couldn't kid either of them.

"Well, thanks for getting me out of there anyway." Anders turned away from her as he spoke.

"I promised you I would come back."

"Yeah, only you didn't come back to me."

Guilty, Kara cast her eyes down. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

He didn't look at her anymore and after a few moments of silence, Kara left the room. As she stepped out into the corridor, she let out a deep breath she hadn't even realized she had been holding.

And then she realized something new – she wasn't sad. She didn't feel the overwhelming guilt she usually felt when she let someone close to her down.

She felt free.

For the first time in years, she felt truly free. With a smile, she went to look find Lee. She wasn't sure if there was or ever could be something more then friendship between them. But she wanted to be there for him because on the bottom of everything, no matter how much shit they threw at each other from time to time, they had always been friends. The best friends, from day one. And that was one thing that would never change.

XXXXXXX

Kara didn't have to look long before she found Lee. He was in the brig, standing behind a small window that allowed him to overlook and overhear the conversation that took place in the cell in the next room.

Without saying anything, Kara walked up and stood next to him, her fingers entangling with his. He didn't move or speak, he just stood still like a statue next to her, his emotions hidden by an all too familiar mask.

Silently, they stood next to each other and listened to the conversation taking place on the other side of the window.

"It's been decided that the occupation of the colonies was an error." One of the Cavil models was just telling the other.

"I could've told them that." The other Cavil replied smugly. "Bad thinking. Faulty logic. Our first major error of judgment."

"Live and learn. But the war heroes have managed to swing opinion over to their side."

Watching and listening to these two men who looked and sounded exactly the same made Kara's head started to swim. There was no way to keep them apart, even when they were standing directly next to each other. If it hadn't been for their clothes, she couldn't have told who was the one they had brought back from Caprica. They were perfect copies, so perfect that it was almost scary.

"What heroes?" Adama chimed in.

He and Roslin were standing on the other side of the bars, interrogating the prisoners.

Caprican Cavil, as Kara had started calling him in her head, was the first to reply. "A Six and an Eight. One of the Eights you know as Sharon Valerii. Their voices carry a lot of weight. So when they started talking about our mistakes and our corruption and our need for a new beginning, the rest of us listened."

"You see, we're not like you," the other Cavil, Galactica Cavil for Kara, added. "We can admit our mistakes and we're not afraid of change."

"So you abandoned the colonies leaving behind a devastated nuclear wasteland." Roslin replied cynically.

"And we're supposed to be grateful." Adama added, his voice sounding as cynical as the President's.

"Our pursuit of this fleet of yours was another error." Caprican Cavil replied. "That's two for anyone who's keeping score. Both errors led to the same result. We became what we beheld. We became you."

"Amen." Galactica Cavil nodded.

"People should be true to who and what they are." Caprican Cavil continued. "We're machines. We should be true to that. Be the best machines the universe has ever seen. But we got it into our heads that we were the children of humanity. So instead of perusing our own destiny of trying to find our own path to enlightenment, we hijacked yours."

"You said it, brother."

"My mission here is simple. I'm to tell you that you've been given a reprieve. Cylon and man will now go their separate ways, no harm done." Caprican Cavil ended his speech.

Kara felt Lee tense at his words, but he remained silent.

"No harm." Adama practically spat out. "You completely annihilated our race and destroyed our civilization."

"Now if you going to start pointing fingers ..."

"Where did the Cylons go?" Roslin cut him off coldly. "Back to their home world?"

Caprican Cavil shrugged. "Well, I'd rather not say just now. Uh, let's just say we have other plans."

"New marching orders by your one true god." Adama said sarcastically.

"There is no god." Caprican Cavil replied calmly.

"Supernatural divinities are the primitive's answer for why the sun goes down at night." The other Cavil chimed in.

"At least that's what we've been telling the others for years. Can't really prove it one way or the other, of course." Caprican Cavil shrugged.

Kara fumed inwardly as she listened to the Cylons speak. They were talking about the near human annihilation as if they had accidentally destroyed a bug. Gods, she hated them. A deep, overwhelming, all consuming hate. She remembered her grief when they had airlocked the Leoben model so many months ago. What an idiot she had been. Naïve enough to believe that these machines, these killer, deserved her sympathy.

It wouldn't happen again.

"Captain Thrace?"

Startled, Kara turned around to the hatch, her hand automatically slipping out of Lee's. She immediately felt the loss of the connection. A short glance to Lee told her that he probably wasn't even aware that she had let go – he was still staring at the Cylons on the other side.

"What is it?" She asked impatiently and stared angrily at the nugget who had dared to disturb her.

"There's a problem with the newcomers. Lt. Agathon told me to better get you." The nugget, Philou, Kara though his name was, mumbled nervously.

"Tell him I'll be there in a minute." Kara dismissed him.

She had half turned back to Lee, when Philou's voice held her back. "I've been looking for you for almost half an hour now. I think it's urgent by now. Lt. Agathon said … "

With a heavy sigh, Kara gave in. "Fine. I'm coming. And when are you going to learn to use call signs when you talk with fellow pilots." She snapped at him as she followed him outside. "Lt. Agathon is_Helo_ and I'm Starbuck. Or God, if you like, but not _Captain Thrace_. You forget that one more time and I'll send you to the brig. Understood?"

"Yes, Si… Starbuck." Philou looked at her nervously.

"Good." She quickened her steps and hoped that this was important. Because if she had to leave Lee behind for some stupid brawl, someone was going to painfully pay for that. And it would be a shame if she had to let her anger out at Philou – he was a sweet kid, even though she would never admit that out loud.

XXXXX

Lee stared at the two Cylons in front of him. Two identical clones. And one of them he had left alone with his wife. Again and again and again. Without ever having a single suspicion. He had never bothered to check the man's background. He hadn't even bothered to really get to know him. He had been simply relieved that Alicia had found someone to talk to.

And now she was dead.

And the man she had confided in, the man who had seen her alive last, turned out to be a Cylon.

When his father and the President left the room, he checked his weapon.

Fully loaded. Good.

He waited a few minutes, but when the brig stayed empty – empty except for the two machines inhabiting the two cells inside – he left the room he had watched the interrogation from and stepped inside the brig.

Slowly, he walked up to the cells, his eyes going from one Cylon to the next, until they stayed fixed on the one who had been his wife's therapist.

"Did you kill her?" He asked, his voice empty of any emotions.

Cavil looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "The autopsy report said it was suicide."

Lee's hand tightened around his sidearm. "Did. You. Kill. Her."

A small smile played around the Cylon's lips. "Yes."

"Why?" Lee asked, his voice trembling slightly.

"You're a smart man, Commander. I'm sure you already know the answer." Cavil replied smugly.

It was too much for Lee. He pulled his gun and pointed it directly at Cavil's head. "Why?" He asked again, slowly.

"A distraction." Cavil shrugged. "We knew you were likely to be the next Pegasus' Commander. And we couldn't have both Adamas in Command of the last remaining Battlestars of humanity. Some of us thought it would be best to kill you. Or your father. There was one attempt, only that didn't quite work out as planned. The Adamas seem to have a tendency to always come back alive." He smiled at Lee coldly. "In the end, it was good you survived. Killing you would have most likely turned either of you into martyrs and make the other one only more powerful. We needed to weaken you. Killing your wife was the easiest way."

"The easiest way?" Lee choked out horrified. His hand started trembling as he kept pointing the gun at Cavil.

"It didn't work quite as we had planned either. You're stronger than we had thought. Or maybe you just didn't love her enough." Cavil smiled smugly.

"You bastard!" Lee stepped closer to the cell, his hand tightening around his gun.

"You think I'm afraid now? What does it matter to me if you shoot me now or someone else throws me out an airlock later the day?" Cavil laughed, a laugh that only infuriated Lee even more. "Go ahead, pull the trigger."

"Lee."

Kara's voice rang through the room, but Lee refused to turn his eyes away from Cavil.

"You killed her."

The Cylon smiled.

"Lee, don't …"

Images of Alicia lying in her own blood flashed through Lee's mind. Her lifeless eyes staring at him, her cold skin touching his. And then he saw her smile, heard her laughter, felt her kiss on his lips. He felt the warmth of her body next to his, he saw the joy in her eyes when she told him that she was pregnant. He felt the love that radiated from her on the day they married. Her whispered yes when she agreed to become his wife. The relief he had felt the moment he had seen her on the Galactica, right after the confrontation with his father. Her support after Zak had died. Her understanding for all the times that he hadn't openly shown his love to her.

Her dead eyes staring at him.

"Lee …"

He pulled the trigger, again and again and again. The shots rang through the otherwise empty room until all the bullets were used. And still Lee kept pulling the trigger, his mind not registering what his eyes were seeing. Cavil, the Cavil his wife had trusted, lay dead on the ground, his empty eyes staring unseeingly at the ceiling.

He only stopped when he felt a hand on his arm. Slowly he turned his head to the side. He needed a moment to realize that it was Kara who was standing beside him.

"Lee?"

"He killed her." He mumbled.

"I know. Let's go. Let's get out of here."

She took his arm and slowly led him out of the room. The next closet room she could find, she pulled Lee inside and locked the door behind them. She didn't think he would want anyone to see him in the state he was in right now.

"Lee?"

After a moment, Lee turned to her and the raw pain in his eyes tore at her heart. She walked up to him, but hesitated to embrace him in a soothing hug. He was mourning his wife. He had just shot her killer. Was she even allowed to be at his side at this moment?

"She didn't want to die." Lee whispered.

"No, she wanted to live." Kara added, her voice as hoarse as Lee's. Tears were brimming in her eyes and she didn't think she was strong enough to hold them back for much longer. She had never seen her friend so broken before.

The gun fell out of Lee's hand and the clanking sound it made as it hit the floor made Kara nearly jump up in surprise.

Lee rubbed his hands over his eyes and then slowly slid down the wall he had been leaning against. It seemed as if the weight of the world that he used to carry on his shoulders every day since she knew him finally had become too much.

"She didn't want to die." He repeated and then he started to cry. All the tears he had kept in since Alicia's death, since the end of the world, since his brother's death, since the day his father had left him poured out of him and Lee was unable to stop them.

And Kara didn't care anymore if it was her right to embrace him or not. She slung her arms around him and pulled him close to her, her hand drawing soothing circles on his back while the other hand raked through his short hair.

After a moment, she felt Lee's arms on her back and then she allowed her tears to fall as well.

Silently, Lee and Kara mourned all the things, the people in their lives that they lost and together they gave comfort to the other without even being aware of it.

TBC


	42. The End

**A.N: Here it is. The last chapter for this story. I'd like to thank everyone who stuck with this story through all this time. Thank you for your patience during all the long times between updates. And thank you for not giving up on this story despite some real bad chapters in between. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review - reading all your thoughts about this story (be it positive or negative) always meant the world to me. **

**And last but not least, thank you to Laurie31 and starbuck042786 for helping me making this story better. You guys have been great to me and I'm forever grateful to you. **

**I'm pretty nervous about this last chapter ... my heart is bumping like it has when I had posted the first chapter for this story ... or better the first thing I EVER posted. Thanks again to everyone for your support.**

**And now enough of my rambling. On with the story ... **

* * *

„I still can't believe that it's really over." Kara said quietly.

She and Lee were standing in Pegasus' Observation Lounge and were looking down on the planet below them. In parts it resembled their home world, which is what had given it its name – New Caprica.

"A new home … I never thought we would live to see it."

"Neither did I." Lee replied as quietly.

They stayed silent for a while, both lost in their own thoughts as they looked at the planet that had given them refuge from their run from the Cylons.

"Are you going to the Celebration tomorrow?" Kara asked.

Lee smiled. She had never been able to stay quiet for too long. "I've got an invitation from the President himself. So I guess that doesn't leave me much of a choice."

"As if you're not lucky to have a reason to go down there." Kara nudged him. "Are you taking Nia with you?"

"You're right." Lee laughed. "I am looking forward to it. Though it would be nice to skip Baltar's speech. Nia is going with her grandfather. Dad insisted to show her around by himself."

"I never thought I would see that side in the Old Man." Kara grinned.

"Neither did I." Lee replied thoughtfully.

Kara looked at him from the side and gently nudged him again. "See? I always told you he wasn't so bad. If you had listened to me from the beginning …"

"I think we needed to go through all this to have the kind of relationship we have now." Lee said quietly.

Rolling her eyes, Kara shook her head. "Men."

"As if you're any better." Lee grinned. "How's it going with Anders, by the way? You still avoiding him?"

"I'm not avoiding him." Kara replied indignantly.

"No, you're just making sure that you're never at the same place as he is."

"I've learned from the best." Kara smirked.

"You're avoiding him."

"I'm not." She objected. "I'm just trying to make this easier for him. I let him think that I was here waiting for him and then, well …"

There was a moment of silence before Lee spoke up again. "What changed your mind anyway? I thought he was your big love?"

Kara shrugged. "I don't know." She replied evasively. "It just didn't feel right."

"Mhm."

They enjoyed the beauty of humanity's new home for a while longer until Lee was called over the PA system.

Sighing, he turned away from the window. "Duty calls."

"Aren't you glad to command your own Battlestar?" Kara teased him.

Lee cocked an eyebrow at her. "You're just envious." He grinned. "Don't forget to get your uniform cleaned. I expect you from your best side tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"You're my CAG. You'll be standing right next to me during Baltar's speech." Lee replied smugly.

"I'm your friend too. Doesn't that count more?" Kara asked hopefully.

"No."

Without waiting for Kara to protest any further, Lee turned away from her and left the room. That's why he never saw the happy smile that lit Kara's whole face at the prospect of spending the next day with him on the planet.

XXXXXXX

"I can't believe the progress they've made. It looks so different from the last time I was here." Lee looked around with wide eyes.

The few tents that had been here the last time he had visited the planet had turned into a whole city … it still looked simple, but it was a start. A good start.

"I'd still rather sleep in a warm bunk every night than muck around in this … muck." Kara complained.

"Oh well, there are ways to keep yourself warm at night even in this … muck." Lee grinned sheepishly.

Kara looked at him surprised. "Lee Adama, are you flirting with me?" She smirked.

"Why would I flirt with _you_?" He teased her.

It earned him another nudge into his midsection, but it was worth it. Lee thought back over the last few months – since his near breakdown (he hated to admit that it really _had_ been a breakdown) he and Kara had been closer than ever before. Whatever had been standing between them over the years had suddenly vanished.

They had opened up to each other, they had cried together and grieved together and neither of them had felt embarrassed about it afterwards. For the first time since he knew her they had been completely honest with each other. And just like that, he had stopped feeling guilty being around her; in fact, he felt pretty good with her at his side. It had become natural for them again to spend their free time together.

They stopped in front of a huge placard, showing Baltar's face in all its glory.

"Join the celebration as we break ground for a better tomorrow." Kara read the text out loud. "It's such a load of crap."

"Well, we are trying to build a better tomorrow, so …"

"You're such an idealist, Apollo." Kara teased him.

"What's wrong with idealism?" Lee shrugged. "We have to start from the very beginning, so trying to …

"Hey, there's an open bar." Kara interrupted him excitedly. "Come on, I bet we can find us a better tomorrow there."

Rolling his eyes, Lee followed her. "We don't have much time, Starbuck, the ceremony starts in 20 minutes."

"Oh relax, Apollo. Just one glass." Kara called back to him over her shoulder.

"That's what you said on Picon and in the end I had to get you out of hack." Lee replied sarcastically.

"There's no hack on New Caprica yet."

With a huge grin, Kara entered the bar. Shaking his head and with one last glance at his watch, Lee followed her inside. He couldn't quite hide a small smile spreading on his lips though.

XXXXXXX

"Thank you. Let this day be remembered as the day we broke ground for our new tomorrow." Baltar finished his speech and made a small bow in front of his audience. Then he handed the shovel to his newly appointed assistant – Lee still couldn't understand how a man as intelligent as Gaeta could have agreed to work for Baltar! – and left to return to his office.

"This has to have been the longest and most boring speech in the history of speeches." Kara groaned. "I had no idea this man could last this long."

Lee looked at her with a raised eyebrow, but decided to ignore her last remark. He watched Baltar step onto Colonial One, which had landed on New Caprica as one of his first presidential orders. It still bugged Lee to no end that Laura Roslin wasn't living on this ship anymore. He had always seen it at hers. To take away the only home she had had since the destruction of the colonies, simply because she had lost a vote, didn't seem fair. But the last time he had talked to her, she seemed to be satisfied with living in a tent down here on the planet.

He couldn't remember the last time he had lived out of space for longer than a month. And yet … he was starting to think that maybe settling down planet side wouldn't be as bad as he had always believed it would. To breathe fresh air, every second of the day … that wasn't really a bad thing. As a boy, he had enjoyed playing outside with Zak. It's what children were supposed to do.

"Let's see if we can find the Admiral and my daughter. They should be here somewhere." Lee said, his eyes already scanning his surroundings.

"If your father is as smart as he wants us all to believe, then he used Nia as an excuse not to be here." Kara smirked. "Frak, why didn't I think of this?"

"There they are." Lee's face lit up at seeing his daughter; a moment later he broke out into a loud laugh.

"What is it?" Kara asked, following his line of sight. She started laughing the moment she saw it too.

Admiral William Adama and former President Laura Roslin were kneeling on the sandy ground and building a sandcastle with Nia.

"I'm sure they can spare a tent for you, Dad, if you want to settle down here." Lee laughed as he and Kara stood next to them.

With a smile – and the joy of a little boy in his eyes – Adama looked up at his son. "Oh, I definitely prefer this castle to a tent. It's safe-built."

Returning the smile, Lee knelt down next to them. "Did you build one for us too?" He asked his daughter.

"Not yet." Nia grinned and immediately started shoveling sand on a new heap.

Laughing, Lee helped her and soon after Kara chimed in too.

"They'd make a nice family." Roslin whispered to Adama; they had both been watching the three for a while.

"Hmm …" Was all Adama replied. He was surprised by how easily Lee and Kara were around each other. He wasn't used to that from them. There had always been some kind of … tension between them. Whenever he had seen them together, they had either been teasing each other or fighting.

And then suddenly it all clicked in together and he could have kicked himself. How could he have not seen this before? For over a year now he had watched Lee and Kara dancing around each other. He had seen them together in the air – that alone should have been prove enough. He had watched them together on Kobol – they had practically been glued together back then. On Colonial Day, he had seen them dancing together. When he thought back to that night, he couldn't understand how he had not seen it then.

They were in love.

"Don't tell me you just realized this now?" Roslin asked in a whispered voice, her tone teasing him.

Adama frowned at her – he didn't like to be read so easily by other people. "I had other things to worry about." He grumbled.

"Of course." Roslin smirked.

They both turned their attention back to Lee, Nia and Kara who were still busy building a new sandcastle; neither of them seemed to be aware of anything else going on around them at the moment.

XXXXXXX

"Don't you think the Old Man was acting a bit weird when he took Nia with him?" Kara looked skeptically at the retreating form of the Admiral, his granddaughter still waving frantically at them from his arms.

"It's supposed to be normal for a grandfather to have their grandchildren with them over night." Lee pointed out.

"Yeah, but this is your father we're talking about."

Lee shrugged. "Hey, you're the one always telling me he's not as bad as I thought."

"I'm not saying it's bad." Kara said. "I'm just saying it's weird."

"How about a walk?" Lee suggested, changing the subject. "Since we got here, we hardly saw anything but the bar, Baltar and sand."

"And tents. Don't forget the tents." Kara added with a sigh.

"It's not so bad, you know." Lee said hesitantly after a moment.

Surprised, Kara looked at him. "You don't actually consider settling down here, do you?"

Lee only shrugged in response and started walking. Kara followed him a moment later.

XXXXXX

"Check it out! It's a great place for a house." Kara pointed at a spot between a small river and the forest that stood nearby the town.

She and Lee had been wandering around the area surrounding the town for nearly an hour. Neither of them had spoken much as they had both been lost in their own thoughts.

"A house? You're not really thinking of giving up flying, are you?" Lee smirked. He couldn't imagine Kara outside of a viper for longer than a day. Under no circumstances would she give up the one thing she loved most.

On the other hand; he had never thought he would consider giving up flying as well. Leaving the military, yes, but giving up flying …

"Flying's gonna suck now anyway." Kara shrugged. "Lot's of training, endless CAP's. War's over, so is all the good stuff."

"You can always spend your time scaring the nuggets." Lee grinned.

"Are you really planning to settle down here?" Kara asked instead of giving an answer. Her face had become earnest, all signs of their former teasing gone.

Lee swallowed. "I don't know. I … it would be the best for Nia."

"What about the Cylons?"

Lee looked at her helplessly. "I don't know. I just don't know, Kara. I know it's safer for her on the Pegasus, but … but doesn't she deserve more? This …" He spread his arms out and looked around at the nature surrounding them. "This is the right environment for her, not a Battlestar where she's surrounded by nothing but metal and one restricted area after the next."

"It makes sense." Kara replied after a moment.

"Does it?" Lee asked quietly. "I feel that whatever I choose, I'm letting down someone I love. If I leave the Pegasus, Dad has to find a new Commander. If I stay, Nia will never experience what it means to grow up on a planet."

Kara looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. "What do you want?"

"What?"

"What do you want, Lee?" Kara put her hand on Lee's arm as she repeated her question.

"I … " He stopped.

He didn't need to continue. When he looked at Kara, she could read the answer in his eyes.

XXXXXXX

"You what?" Utterly stunned, Adama stared at his son.

Lee wasn't surprised. When he had made his decision, he had known that the hardest part would be telling his father. Not that he needed his permission – but after everything it would be nice to have his blessing.

"Look, Dad, I … I know what you're thinking. This is …"

"This is ridiculous." Adama cut him off. "You are commanding your own Battlestar. Do you have any idea how many men and women in the fleet are … have been dreaming of this? You …"

"I'm not one of those people, Dad." Lee interrupted him. He took a deep breath; it seemed that no matter what they were talking about, it always ended up in an argument.

"So you never dreamed of becoming a Commander." Adama asked cynically.

Lee shook his head. After all this time, his father still hadn't realize that he was different. "No." He said quietly. "I never dreamed of it. Sure, it's great. I enjoy it. I never thought I would …" He let out a small laugh. "I guess we're more alike that I cared to admit. But this has never been my dream. And to give it all up … for Nia … I'm okay with that. It's what I want to do."

Silence fell over the room. Lee watched his father open his mouth and then close it again. After a moment, Adama sank down on his chair. He wasn't looking at his son.

Lee hoped he would understand.

After what felt like hours, Adama stood up again and held out his hand. "Good luck for you son. I wish … I hope you and Nia will be happy down there."

Lee swallowed. "Thank you."

XXXXXXX

The next day, Lee packed his things from the Pegasus and moved down to New Caprica. Kara followed him a week later.

XXXXXXX

_8 months later_

"Attention, attention, donate any available clothing and food to New Caprica l-o-c outlet. Any and all supplies are needed. Your contributions will benefit children and elderly."

Kara ignored the announcement as she hurried through the streets of New Caprica. She was late. Very late.

She had promised Lee to pick up Nia from school. Or kindergarten. Or whatever you wanted to call it. Everyone was grateful that Roslin had agreed to take care of the children – no matter what age they had – during the day. Building up a new civilization didn't exactly leave much room for that.

And today was the first time, _the frakking first time_ that Lee had asked her to pick up Nia. And she was frakking late.

Leave it to her to ruin a one in a life-time opportunity.

When she entered the tent, she saw Laura Roslin kneeling in front of Nia, holding a piece of paper in her hand.

"A bubble head. I love this." Roslin smiled at the little girl.

"I'm so sorry." Kara called out as she stormed towards them. "Almost everyone is attending this union thing and there was this broken-down pump that needed to be fixed and then there was …"

"Don't worry, everything's fine." Roslin assured her with a warm smile. "Nia used the extra time to paint you a picture."

"A picture? For me? Aw, that's so sweet, thank you, Nia." She smiled at Lee's daughter and took the paper from Roslin.

"It's you, Kara." Nia announced proudly.

Kara's eyes widened in surprise, but other than that she managed to hide any reaction she might feel. Roslin was trying to suppress a laughter.

Bubble head indeed. She would have to make sure to tell Lee to strike artist from his daughter's career paths.

"Come on, let's go, sweetheart. Dinner is waiting." She turned to Roslin. "Why don't you join us?"

"Oh no, the three of you hardly get to spend some quality time together as it is. I don't want to take that away from you." Roslin replied quickly.

Kara frowned at her. "There's nothing to take away from us. I mean …"

"Nia keeps talking about the three of you as a family, you know." Roslin winked at her. "Enjoy the dinner. I have to clean up here anyway. Say hi to Lee from me."

XXXXXX

The rest of the evening, Kara couldn't forget about what Roslin had said to her.

A family.

Why the hell would Nia talk about them like a family?

Okay, yes, she spent a lot of time with Lee and Nia. They usually took their meals together. During the few days off they had they had gone for walks around the area together. She spend her evenings in the Adamas' tent, but that was only because Lee had managed to get his hands on a heater. It was warmer in his tent than it was in hers, that was pretty much the only reason.

That and the company. She enjoyed spending time with Lee and Nia. Watching him put her to bed, reading her a story. Sometimes they would do it together – she would read the female parts and Lee got the male parts. Apparently both of them had a hidden talent for disguising their voices.

But that wasn't family, that was … that was friendship. Combined with a little girl hanging around them.

"Why don't you stay the night here?" Lee's voice pulled Kara out of her thoughts. "It's freezing out there and I don't think it'll be much warmer in your tent."

Kara tensed at his words. "I, um, I don't know …"

"Kara …" Lee hesitated a moment before he went on. "I'd really like you to stay."

When Kara didn't reply right away, they lapsed into silence. After a while, Lee started cleaning up the dishes while Kara stayed at the table.

"Lee …" She started when she couldn't bare the silence anymore. But Lee didn't give her a chance to finish.

"Never mind, it was just a thought." He said tight-lipped.

Kara cursed inwardly. What was happening with them? When they had moved to New Caprica, things had been fine. They had had this easy friendship. They had joked, made fun of each other, laughed a lot. They had had a good time. She had been happy to see how Lee was handling the grief over Alicia a little bit better with each passing day. There were still moments in which she noticed that he missed her, but most of the time he was fine. Better than he had been on the Pegasus anyway.

Especially lately. But at the same time … she wasn't quite sure, but somehow their friendship was changing to something different.

She wasn't stupid. There had always been this attraction between them. A tension that made being around Lee so much more special.

But they had tried that way before, or at least they had wanted to. This one stupid, wonderful night in academy when she had been drunk enough to not turn away from Lee.

When she had given in to what she had wanted so much since the moment she'd met him for the first time. When she had slept with him.

But she had chickened out and instead of admitting that she was falling in love with him – or better, already was deeply in love – she had played the drunk card. It was a fun night, they had had too much alcohol, no love involved, right? And Lee had went along even though she had seen the hurt in his eyes. Ever since that day she had asked herself what would have been if she hadn't been such a cowered back then. If she had just taken the risk to get hurt, just this once, and had told him the truth … would Nia be her daughter then?

A shattering sound brought her back to the present in a second.

"Frak." She heard Lee curse. It was followed by a moment of silence, both of them listening to any sign that Nia had woken up. But the little girl basically slept like a stone … nothing ever woke her up.

Sometimes Kara wished she still had that trust to sleep through the night without every sound in the room waking her up with a start.

"You okay?" She asked when she saw Lee holding his hand.

"Cut myself." He mumbled.

"Let me see." Quickly, Kara jumped up from the chair, grabbed the small med kit from one of the cabinets and a moment later she was at Lee's side.

"It's not that bad."

"Let me see it!" Kara insisted. She took his hand in hers, ignored his protests and started inspecting the cut on his palm. "It doesn't look deep."

"That's what I said." Lee growled.

Kara didn't reply and silently patched up the wound. As soon as she was done, Lee pulled his hand from her and turned away.

"Lee …"

"It's okay, I'll finish this up. You can go home if you want to."

It didn't escape Kara that he wasn't looking at her. Damn, she had ruined it again. Why did he have to ask her to stay here? Why make things complicated?

And why the hell hadn't she said yes?

"Roslin told me today that Nia talks about the three of us as a family."

Lee froze for a moment and then slowly turned to Kara. "What?"

"I just thought you wanted to know." Kara replied quietly. She tried hard to keep her voice from quivering.

Lee nodded. "Well, she's right." He said after a moment of thought.

"What?" This time it was Kara who froze at Lee's words.

"You are …" He cleared his throat. "You are a part of this family. Dad already sees you as his daughter. You were engaged to Zak. You're like an aunt for Nia. If that's not family, than I don't know what is."

"And what am I to you?" Kara asked in a whispered voice.

Lee opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again after a moment. Letting out a deep breath, he asked himself how such an easy question could have such a complicated answer.

Or maybe it wasn't complicated after all?

"You're everything."

The words had left his mouth before he had even noticed that he was thinking them.

There was another awkward moment of silence between them. Then Kara shrugged and turned to the couch.

"You're probably right. I'll freeze to death without a heater tonight. I'll crash on the couch."

"Okay." Lee swallowed. Inwardly he asked himself what just had happened.

XXXXXXX

Wide awake, Kara lay on the couch that Lee had brought with him from the Pegasus. He had refused at first, but his father had insisted that he wouldn't let his granddaughter live in a home without a real couch.

Kara had the small suspicion that the Old Man simply had wanted something comfortable to sit on during his visits – she never said it out loud though. She was too grateful for the couch herself.

She didn't feel grateful now though. This was Lee's couch. It was standing in his tent. It smelled like him. It even felt like him.

So how was she supposed to sleep on it? She didn't even want to imagine the kind of dreams this might evoke in her.

From the sounds coming from Lee's bed he wasn't fairing much better. Since they had said their good nights and went to bed – or couch in her case – he had shifted restlessly from one side to the next. Every hour or so he seemed to use Nia as an excuse to get up.

Staying the night had been a stupid idea. They both had a job to do tomorrow. They couldn't risk being overly tired.

Not that they weren't used to working tired.

Oh, what the heck.

"Remember that night in academy?" Kara asked into the darkness.

From the shifting sounds that had stopped the second her words rang through the room, she knew that Lee was still awake and had heard her.

"What night?" He asked back after a moment.

"The one after Jocko's 20th birthday party. Man, we were so drunk that night." Kara swallowed. She hoped, _prayed_ that her voice sounded steadier than she felt.

"Yeah, I remember." Lee replied quietly.

Had there been a quiver in his voice? This would be easier if she knew that Lee was as nervous about that night as she was.

"Do you ever think about what would have been if … if we hadn't back-pedaled that day?" She clasped her hands tightly together as she waited for Lee to reply.

"I didn't back-pedal. You did." Lee stated dryly after what felt like an eternity.

"You didn't stop me." Kara pointed out.

She got a small, bitter laugh in reply. "What was I supposed to do?" Lee asked. "You told me it had been a fun night, nothing more. A one time thing. Was I supposed to declare my love for you in that moment?"

Kara held her breath. Love? "Sometimes you gotta take a risk." She said quietly.

"True."

Damn, he wasn't going to make this easy for her. "Did you?" She asked. "Love me?"

She held her breath as she waited for him to reply.

"Yes."

She nearly jumped up from the couch, so startled was she to hear his reply. "What?"

"You really want me to say it again?" Lee asked dryly.

Yes! "No, I heard you."

He didn't reply.

Of course he didn't. It was her turn.

Take a risk.

"I loved you too." She whispered. "I never stopped."

She froze. Frak, had she just said the last part out loud? She closed her eyes and wished the ground would open up and swallow her. Why had she said that?

Why had she started this ridiculous conversation in the first place?

Why ruining a friendship that was already perfect?

Why …?

"Neither did I."

Her heart leaped with joy. Had he really just said that?

There was a long silence again in which Kara tried desperately to think of something to say. Unfortunately she couldn't think of a single thing. Her brain seemed to have shut down completely.

"Why don't you come into bed?" Lee asked eventually. "It's closer to the heater. You'll be warmer."

Leave it to Lee to come up with a good solution to every problem. "Okay."

With a happy smile, Kara crawled next to Lee into bed. He slung his arms around her and she snuggled close to him, immediately warmed by the heat his body seemed to emanate all the time, 24 hours a day.

"I love you, Kara Thrace." Lee whispered into her ear.

Her smile widened even more. "I love you too, Lee Adama."

**Epilogue**

Through the open hatch of the Raptor Lee watched Nia and Kara play while he was waiting for his father to answer his call over the wireless.

A family.

So often he had given up hope of ever having a real family. After his father had left and his mother had gotten worse, he had vowed to stay alone for the rest of his live. Then he had met Alicia and she had stolen his heart.

Or better, the part of his heart that was still left, because most of that had already belonged to Kara even then.

Alicia had given him the family he had never thought he could have. And then she had died. And after her death, he had believed that had been it. That maybe, the Adama men weren't destined to spend their lives happily until the end with the woman they loved.

And now Kara was this woman. And Lee was starting to think that maybe, this time, it might stay like this until the end.

"Lee, how are you?"

His father's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He pushed Kara out of his mind for the moment and concentrated on the task at hand. "Hey Dad, I, um … It's Nia's birthday next week and I … "He took a deep breath before he inhaled deeply. "I wanted to invite you."

He wasn't quite sure why he was so nervous about this. It wasn't that his father could use one of his million reasons not to attend a family celebration. There were no urgent missions anymore. No training exercises he had to be a part of at all costs.

There was no reason for him not to come. No reason to miss one more birthday in a long row. Right?

"Her birthday? Already?"

Lee thought he could hear his father smiling through the phone.

"I can't believe she'll be three already next week."

"Neither can I." Lee replied smiling. And with everything they had gone through the last 1 ½ years, that really was a miracle. "So, um, are you coming?"

"Of course I am. I wouldn't miss it in a million years." Adama replied resolutely. "What do you think I could give her? I had been … Hang on a moment. Yeah, lieutenant. What is it?"

Lee heard a few mumbled words in the background, but he couldn't make out their meaning.

"Lee …"

The tone of his father's voice immediately alarmed Lee. "What's going on, Dad?"

"It's the Cylons. They found us."

Lee froze at his words. It couldn't be. It couldn't. Not after all this time.

His eyes went out to Nia and Kara. His family.

No.

"I'll send down the Raptors to get out as many people as possible. You have to …"

Lee closed his eyes and blocked out his father's voice. No. No, no, no, no!

A moment later he opened them again and with a painful clarity he knew what had to be done.

"You have to get out of here."

"I'm not just going to leave you alone. Where are the damn vipers?" Adama's voice raised in anger as he shouted out his orders.

"Dad …"

"I can't just leave all those people behind. I can't leave you behind, Lee. I promised …"

"There's nothing you can do." Lee tried to convince his father even though every fiber of his being screamed at him not to do it. For his father to get them out of here. To get Nia out of here.

But it would be the wrong thing to do. And the soldier in him knew that. "Neither the Galactica nor the Pegasus are in any shape for a fight. You have to leave now."

"They'll kill you." Despair was clearly audible in Adama's voice.

"There's always a chance. Get out of here and come back when you're ready to win this fight." Lee swallowed. "We'll wait here for you."

There was a moment of silence before Lee heard the pain filled voice of his father. "I'll be back."

"I know."

"Lee, I lo…"

He never got the chance to hear the end of his father's words. The connection was dead.

"LEE!"

XXXXXXX

Lee was holding Nia in his arms as he, Kara and several others watched the Centurions march down the streets. Cylon Raiders flew by them overhead.

It wasn't like the Colonies. They hadn't nuked them this time. The Cylons had changed their plan.

Now … it was an occupation.

"What are we going to do now, Commander?" Tyrol asked beside him.

Lee swallowed. "The same thing we always do." He looked at Kara. "Fight them until we can't."

The end.


End file.
